Hate my Hair! Lots of Grays

[ncgal25]

No matter how hard I try I dislike my hair!

About 3 months ago, I gave up the box color because my hair was so damaged! I started to let the old color grow out and was heavily conditioning it. My grays became very unmanageable and very noticeable. I now go every 4-5 weeks and have a professional color my hair...

I thought my hair problems would be solved with the professional services, but my grays are still very frizzy, The rest of my hair is dull and lifeless :-( I think Im doing everything wrong :(. Wrong products, heat?

Anyone else been through this? I really miss the hair of my youth that I didnt have to think twice about :)
Guess those days are over?

[teela1978]

Growing it out is a bitch. Once its all grown out its much better though... usually. My mother's hair is awesome now that she's grown out all her blonde, Shiny and silver. My hair is grown out from dye as well, and while I don't have as many grays as my mother I do have a good number of silver sparklies up there.

Deciding to grow it out is a tough decision as well. For me it was over a year of 2-toned hair. Depending on how short you're willing to have your hair it could be more or less. I had tried it before and failed. I had tried it before, succeeded, had a friend comment on my new grays and immediately died back.

I think it depends on how much you hate dying versus how much you hate your grays. Currently I hate dying more than my grays :) And they're really not that bad. They can be very pretty.

[Yozhik]

There's a whole thread here on LHC about embracing your grays as natural highlights. :)

I'm sorry to hear you're having a tough time with them -- my mother decided to stop dyeing her hair a year ago, then switched to henna to cover them up. Since the majority of her hair is still black, her hennaed grays look like reddish highlights. I think it looks cool. :D

[ncgal25]

teela1978: Wow Your hair is very pretty & so long!!

Thanks for replying.
My grays are right on top of my head where my part is, at the temples, above my ears. Its just very, very noticeable. The new growth is all gray on top of my head & it comes in frizzy & wirey! I like the immediate results of the color service because my stylist blow drys it out with a round brush & it looks awesome for about a day. Then Im left to deal with it & I have no clue what Im doing? Will hair products even help me at this point? crying :-(

[Firefox7275]

:( Please don't cry, you have LHC on your side!

Is the salon colour semi-permanent or permanent? Are you still using the flat iron regularly? Are you still using the standard shampoo then condition? Have you tried conditioner only, CWC, water only, sulphate-free shampoo or the oil shampoo method? Are you sure your hair is 1b and not wavier than you realise?

[selderon]

Which box color were you using? What was your starting color?
What kind of color is your colorist using?
When you say you have no idea what you're doing, do you mean styling, color, care?

[silverjen]

I'm going gray, too. I've decided to embrace my natural color, because I just can't deal with having to dye every 2-3 weeks.

From what I've read (and observed on my own head) grays can be coarser and wavier than your "regular" hair. They need more moisture to be happy. My hair has been much happier since I started using oil both before and after shampooing. A diluted vinegar rinse can make hair look shinier, too, because the vinegar smooths the cuticle of your hair out.

I'd guess the rest of your hair has been damaged by the box dyes, and will need TLC and gentle handling.

There are lots of threads to how to oil your hair, and there's a great article in the Articles section.

If you tell us what your current routine is, we can try and help you refine it.

Good luck!

[jojo]

I also gave up dye well henna 3 months ago. I don't have a huge amount of greys, mine are mainly in the front and I love mine. For me I really hate the white root look and thought if I continued hennaering id have a) orange roots when I henna and b) be a slave to henna having to do it every 2 weeks plus I think darker hair on an aging face looks harsh.

I am not really having much problem with roots, my natural colour is dark blonde but has natural copper in it so it blends really well. You have to be close up to see the difference.

It all depends how you like 2 toned hair, I quite like it and think nobodies hair is the same colour at the roots and ends anyway.

I can understand how this may be more harder for somebody with dark hair but if I was to dye id only use a semi.

[Olivia23]

I'm not too happy with my grays either. I've been using henna to dye my hair and while it's very good for your hair, I hate having to keep up with having to touch up the roots every few weeks.

I'm currently letting my dye grow out and I have some grays on top that I think look terrible. I tried dyeing my hair the other day with cassia hoping it would cover up the few grays I have but it didn't (cassia is reported to turn grays blond and it's good for your hair).

I'm now trying to figure out a way to cover my grays in a way that's good for my hair or at least not too damaging.

[ncgal25]

I was using herbal essence semi perm. Then i had a hair color disaster when a friend used a brown / auburn color on my hair (wella)- My roots turned pink. Then i decided i had enough & went pro...My stylist uses permanant Loreal Luo Professional color. My starting color was brunette (level 4/5). I went 2 shades darker with the professional color because i think it looks better darker ( its a level 3). I dont know what products to use to calm down the frizzies. Im clueless about styling - i always have been. Ive always had low maintanac hair until i turned gray. Now its an everyday dilemma.... My hair is stick straight, chin length, overgrown inverted bob, layered on the ends. No life or shine? Thanks for the replies!

[Firefox7275]

I was using herbal essence semi perm. Then i had a hair color disaster when a friend used a brown / auburn color on my hair (wella)- My roots turned pink. Then i decided i had enough & went pro...My stylist uses permanant Loreal Luo Professional color. My starting color was brunette (level 4/5). I went 2 shades darker with the professional color because i think it looks better darker ( its a level 3). I dont know what products to use to calm down the frizzies. Im clueless about styling - i always have been. Ive always had low maintanac hair until i turned gray. Now its an everyday dilemma.... My hair is stick straight, chin length, overgrown inverted bob, layered on the ends. No life or shine? Thanks for the replies!

If you can answer some of the questions people can take it from there, they can't recommend products when they don't know where you are starting out from. It may be a case of which products to eliminate from your routine rather than which to add. :o

Are you still using the flat iron regularly? Are you still using the standard shampoo then condition? Have you tried conditioner only, CWC, water only, sulphate-free shampoo or the oil shampoo method? Are you sure your hair is 1b and not wavier than you realise?
Today 05:33 PM

[ncgal25]

I use the flat iron about every 2-3 days. I rarely blow dry. I shampoo and condition wash every 2-3 days with Redken All Soft Shampoo and condition witb Aussie 3MM. I then spray it with Aussie Hair insurance leave in and tresemme heat protector. In the past i tried cowashing but gave it up because my scalp got itchy. Sulfate free products made my hair feel like straw and dried it out more? Thank you

[ncgal25]

Oh and im pretty certain my hair is a 1a/b. Its stick straight. My grays might be a 2 because they are wirey?

[Xandergrammy]

I say come on over to The Salt and Pepper thread and join us Renegrays! For me, it was great to finally accept my sparklies and stop coloring.

[SurprisingWoman]

It sounds to me like you are going to have to accept your grays.

They will never go away. You can love them and learn to live with them or go crazy.

Even if you color grays they will be the first to reject the color and return to their unaltered state, they will refuse to take color, they will deliberately stick up just to MAKE YOU MAD.

Okay, that last bit wasn't true but you will feel like they are intentionally doing things just to p*ss you off.

Ya gotta learn to love your hair.

Go to the renegray thread and feel the love. It's your best hope. Srsly..

[teela1978]

The little wirey bits do calm down as they grow out. Mine look like antennas sometimes when they're new! Once they're in the length though they look fine. The first few inches are wierd but the rest is normal smooth hair, not wirey at all.

Also, careful with the flat iron, that thing can cause a vicious cycle!

[ncgal25]

Thank you everyone! I totally agree acceptance is best. I visited the salt and pepper thread yesterday and was inspired by all the beautiful ladies! I kept telling myself that 36 was too young to be gray, but I guess not? Many of the renegrays are my age. Ive realized that Im very angry at my gray hair and jealous of others that dont have gray. Its immature i know but i guess its part of the acceptance process....? Thank you :-)

[Panth]

There have been plenty of threads on here with members who've started greying at 16 or even earlier. Don't worry, embrace them!

For my part, I'm in my early 20s, have no grey (as far as I can tell - I'm blonde so one or two could hide without me noticing) and, going by my parents, I won't be grey until I'm at least 55 ... and I am intensely jealous of SurprisingWoman's silver hair. If there was one colour I might be tempted to dye to, it would be white/pale silver. I won't, because I'm a F and my hair might not survive it plus I'm far too low-maintenance to deal with constant dying, but still... it is very pretty. ^_^

Think of it as natural hair tinsel or marks of wisdom. :P

[Mesmerise]

I have lots of grey hair too...and I'm not keen on them ;) I do love the look of some of the silver haired ladies, but I'm not ready to join them yet!

I used to use box dye, but am now hennaing to cover my greys. I like the brigher sparkly colour they go with the henna! Still, having to redye constantly is a complete PITA!

If you want to keep colouring your hair you can use a combination of henna/indigo to achieve a darker brown look. I'm not really too familiar with it myself, as I don't use indigo, but a lot of people use it to successfully colour their hair, and find it improves the condition of their hair, rather than damaging it.

Whatever you decide, good luck! There's lots of helpful information on the forum about diagnosing hair problems, so you could find the answers you're looking for if you keep searching. In time you will find what works for you and your hair, whether you decide to keep dyeing, or whether you decide to go natural!

[Firefox7275]

I use the flat iron about every 2-3 days. I rarely blow dry. I shampoo and condition wash every 2-3 days with Redken All Soft Shampoo and condition witb Aussie 3MM. I then spray it with Aussie Hair insurance leave in and tresemme heat protector. In the past i tried cowashing but gave it up because my scalp got itchy. Sulfate free products made my hair feel like straw and dried it out more? Thank you

IMO the flat iron is far more likely to be the cause of the dryness/ damage than the box colour was. :( Your heat protector will probably contain cones so you will need a sulphate shampoo to remove the residue. If your gray are curly and the rest is damaged, it may be worth trying cone-free as some say they lock moisture out from the hair, and that they make curly hair (your greys) frizzy. It might be that what you were seeing with the sulphate-free was your hair's real condition, not masked by cones, or perhaps build up.

Most people in their thirties have some grey, a lot of ladies in the US and UK pluck them out or colour over. I don't think it's immature to feel as you have; it's immature never to learn from our mistakes or blame someone else. I don't hear that from you at all! Pleased you have found the Renegrays as they are awesome. :D ;)

[selderon]

Thank you everyone! I totally agree acceptance is best. I visited the salt and pepper thread yesterday and was inspired by all the beautiful ladies! I kept telling myself that 36 was too young to be gray, but I guess not? Many of the renegrays are my age. Ive realized that Im very angry at my gray hair and jealous of others that dont have gray. Its immature i know but i guess its part of the acceptance process....? Thank you :-)

Honey, I've had grays since 14. I'm 33 now and there's no hiding the grays without color. OTOH, they look really sparkly now and I'm working on a plan (heh heh) to graduate from color to natural.

There are a couple of things I would consider as possible culprits in the condition of your hair.
First would be the flatiron. There's no question that temperatures that high are very damaging to hair. The toughest thing about giving up the flatiron is that hair usually looks smoother and shinier right after we iron. The trouble is that it's an illusion of health.
Second would be whether you have clarified recently. There's a great article in our articles section about the different types of buildup and which clarifying options address them.