"You would look better with ___"

[PiroskaCicu]

My SO's mother said to me recently that I would look better with dyed red hair (this is after my red hair faded and I'm back to being auburn/natural).

My friend said I looked better with my pixie hair.

I know these aren't meant as insults, but it really annoys me when people say "you would look better if you......." changed this, changed that, etc etc etc... It's like they can't appreciate what I have now...always either dwelling on the past or what 'might' be in the future.

Does this happen to anyone else and do you find this annoying?

[aenflex]

People say this because they care, in some backward, disjointed way. And they assume that you care about their opinions. Is it worth being offended?

[pink.sara]

LOL! I get this all the time. Mostly from people who either saw my long hair from 2 years ago and before, or who remember my natural colour (or who get to glimpse my roots!)

Why did you cut it? It was so beautiful long. (Subtext, it isn't now.)
If your natural colour is auburn why do you dye it all the time? I'd just let it grow, People pay lots of money for that colour you know! (Subtext, gosh you must be really trying to make some kind of point with your look.)

Honestly, those people that point things out like that often have a list of "you'd look better ifs" I could point in their direction. But I'm a nice girl so I just smile and say thanks as if they meant to compliment me. Eg, "yes it was lovely long wasn't it? I might grow it again"

No time for Haters as my SO would say ;)

[marzipanthecat]

It's really rare for people to say this to me now.

I used to get it a lot. Mainly "You would look better with a perm" (yes, we are talking many years ago now!), or "...if you wore make up" (yup, probably true, but I can't be bothered).

I think I look so gosh-darned odd these days (well, for a few years now) that people just don't know what to say or where to start. It may be obvious that I won't follow what they say anyway. I don't intentionally look strange, by the way, it is just the way I seem to turn out. I like wearing bright colours too (don't believe my profile photo, I am unusually sober looking there!).

[Greenhousegirl]

Short hair.
thats what I hear. and with curly hair I just dont think its a good idea. I try to explain my opinion (I have several logical reasons) " 'til I'm blue in the face" yet still they push theirs at me. they think becuase they thought of it, it must be the holy grain of truth from Jesus (Note: I'm a practicing Christian and most of this comes from Christians) and I just need to be told so that I can see the shiny golden grain for my own eyes.
I've tried quoting verses to make them come to their sense but it rarely helps.
I did use the "you would look *cool* if you ___dyed your hair alittle bit more red, maybe some reddish highlights or something__" to a... for a lack of a better term... Ginger. She has a very light orange y red hair and i think it is lovely but if it were a bit darker or vibrant it would go better with her skin tone. she tends to look a bit washed out and i originally though she was blonde! so I am guilty of this as well. Of course she refused and gave me weird looks. Odd, she has also tried to push me to cut mine. What you can give me advice but i can't?
you might want to try that with you're SO's mom. but make sure you are being sarcastic... like "Well I want you to repaint your car lime green!" and keep going until you strike a nerve on something and then tell her "See, it doesn't feel too nice to be told that now does it?". Thats how you teach small children, and thats how you can teach adults too.
I have not tried this on any adults yet as I am a rather nice person. I am getting better at standing up for myself and such. People here are such excellent advice givers maybe someone will have a more mature way to handle this...

[princessp]

It's really rare for people to say this to me now.

I used to get it a lot. Mainly "You would look better with a perm" (yes, we are talking many years ago now!), or "...if you wore make up" (yup, probably true, but I can't be bothered).

I think I look so gosh-darned odd these days (well, for a few years now) that people just don't know what to say or where to start. It may be obvious that I won't follow what they say anyway. I don't intentionally look strange, by the way, it is just the way I seem to turn out. I like wearing bright colours too (don't believe my profile photo, I am unusually sober looking there!).

Lol, yeah I don't get any comments like this either (maybe age?) Not about hair, not about clothes, not about my lack of make-up. In fact just the other day I had a few younger people strike up a conversation about how they thought I looked fantastic without make-up (apparently they thought I really needed the nod from the hipster crowd to continue doing what I've been doing most of my life... hehe people are so funny).

If I did get comments I wouldn't give it too much mind space (even the good comments). Just be happy being you and never mind them. :)

[myrrhmaiden]

Sometimes I might feel offended, but usually I appreciate the honest input. From there, I do with it what I will.

[christine1989]

In the past when someone would say "You would look better with shorter hair." I would cut it then a week later everyone would be saying "why did you cut your hair?! You should grow it long again!" :rolleyes: I think people just get excited over change.

[californiagirl]

My mother is constantly telling me to change my hair. She is a cosmetologist, and she is always asking if she can dye my hair. It is bad enough that I have urges to dye it constantly, but she just encourages it which makes it hard. Oh, and she constantly wants to cut my hair.

Eh, you just got to let it roll of your shoulders, and not worry about what others have to say.

[Dina L.]

I don't use to hear that but uh, once I got a nice package of advice from one person. This guy said that I should have 1. shorter, 2. straighter, 3. lighter hair. I said hell no! Now his wife has dyed blond, straight, shoulder length hair. :)
(And my boyfriend just loves my hair (and me) as it is. ;-) )

[ericthegreat]

Its just something people say. Everyone has their own personal opinions about hair, clothes, and style. Some people are just naturally more open about expressing their opinions to other people including us, regardless of whether or not we want them to. It really doesn't do you any good to be insulted everytime someone says that to you, because then you're really going to go through life being needlessly angry at a lot of people.

And in fact, most people who say that to you often don't mean it as an insult to you at all, their just giving their honest opinion that you look better with the blue scarf instead of the red one for example. In fact, many members here at LHC do the same thing. How many threads and posts have you seen stating, "That poor woman I saw at the mall with the bleached out, damaged blonde hair. She would look much better doing henna instead." or "I cringe in horror everytime my best friend flat irons her hair to death, she would look much better if she embraced her natural waves." Whether its about natural virgin hair, or highlighted straightened hair, neither preference is right or wrong.

[ladylovecraft]

I almost never get this. Though one time there was a fellow student in a class who was dead set on convincing me I would look better with "normal" colored hair, in flats/sneakers (I ALWAYS wear heels), dressed in a t-shirt and jeans. This is fine for other people, but the look isn't 'me' at all...

Oddly enough another student who was friends with him later told me he had a crush on me. I don't understand why he was trying so hard to change me into something I wasn't if he liked me??? o.O

Now that I have a group of classmates who see me as my eccentric self during class and professional, toned-down natural makeup, hair up in a bun, whites and sneakers during clinical, I get some interesting reactions. But no one is ignorant enough to say "you look better that way", just in awe of the radical change, I guess. *shrug*

[HintOfMint]

It's not verbatim "you would look better with..."

But I've gotten you should "straighten your hair more often!" When I explain that doing that too much will give me splits, I get the whole "well you should cut more often. You know, you should cut your hair frequently." Sometimes in a tone of voice that one uses towards a five-year-old about the merits of brushing one's teeth.

[spidermom]

No; I honestly never get this. I probably would if I cut my hair, though.

[spidermom]

Great post, ericthegreat. This is me enthusiastically pressing the "like" button.

[Anywhere]

I get "you would look better if you straightened your hair" from my mom.

It takes every ounce of restraint to stop myself from telling her "Well you'd look better with a mustache. :rolleyes:"

[boomtownrat]

It happened all the time when I dyed my hair unnatural colours in my twenties, but I didn't let it stop me from doing what I wanted. The only people who usually say things like this to me these days are my family, who disapprove of most choices I make, from my appearance to my major life decisions. :roll:

[patienceneeded]

Nicely put Ericthegreat!

We can't keep people from offering up opinions (wanted or unwanted). All we have power over is our own reaction and how much we want to take it to heart.

[Shany]

I get those ''advices'' too sometimes, not from DBF though. I don't want to straighten my hair with a flat iron, wear hair extensions and more make-up. I don't take it as an insult, I agree with Ericthegreat.

[skaempfer]

In the past when someone would say "You would look better with shorter hair." I would cut it then a week later everyone would be saying "why did you cut your hair?! You should grow it long again!" :rolleyes: I think people just get excited over change.

I think it's this as much this as what Eric the Great said. When my mom was bored and restless was when I was most in danger of being dragged off for the new 'do.' I think it's also fair to say that there is Some projecting going on too, from mothers perhaps more than others.

As Eric says though, try to ignore them.

[Loreley]

Every time I visit my grandmother and my hair is down she tells me I would look better with shoulder length hair and I should cut it. She says long hair is beautiful, but it's too hard to take care of. :confused:

[Slinks]

In the past when someone would say "You would look better with shorter hair." I would cut it then a week later everyone would be saying "why did you cut your hair?! You should grow it long again!" :rolleyes: I think people just get excited over change.

lol, yup, people are funny !!

[Slinks]

Oddly enough another student who was friends with him later told me he had a crush on me. I don't understand why he was trying so hard to change me into something I wasn't if he liked me??? o.O


maybe cos he thought himself as not being flash enough for you, getting you to "dress down"

[Slinks]

I have to say "Nicely put Ericthegreat!" too :-)

[Debra83]

I have to say "Nicely put Ericthegreat!" too :-)


I fifth that!!!! (I think I'm five!!!!):D

[pepperminttea]

I get this a lot - "if you lost weight..." "if you just wore a little make-up..." "if you did something with your hair..." "if you dressed nicer..."

You can't win; they'll always be something. I just try and be happy in my own skin. :)

[Fufu]

When I had long hair, "You would look better with shorter hair"

When I had short hair, "You would look better with longer hair."

So, I don't care about people's remarks anymore :)

[jackiesjottings]

I got it all the time when I was younger :(( Especially from two girls I once worked with=. I am also only 5 foot and sometimes get comments about what I should wear to make me look taller. But I have leaned to be assertive as I have (allegedly!) matured so I find a firm but polite "I like my hair how it is" or "I am only 5 foot and it is the norm for me.. I don't want to look taller" usually helps :)

[Braidy]

I don't bother much:
"you would look better with shorter hair" answer "I guess, but this is nice too"
"you should use some make-up" answer "I guess, but I'm too lazy"
and so on ;-)

[luxepiggy]

I get this only very, very rarely. Probably because I've looked the same for so long that nobody can picture me differently (^(oo)^)v

The few times it has happened, my natural reaction was to give them an extremely startled look and say something along the lines of "Really? That's odd!" It wasn't in a mean way or anything . . . I really was just very startled, and blurted the first thing that popped into my head.

The commenters never seemed to know how to respond to that, though, and each time the person quickly dropped the subject, so perhaps you can try something similar? (^(oo)^)

[chelseamichelle]

I get this all the time from my friends. Usually it'll be when somebody sees an old picture of me and they'll say something like "oh your hair was so nice at that length!" or " I loved those highlights on you!" and then proceed to say that I should cut or colour my hair that way again.

It really doesn't even phase me though. I'm so set on having long healthy hair that I won't even for a second, consider dying or cutting it.

[RitaCeleste]

I don't know, it's always kinda annoying when people do the "if only you would..." thing as if you are their personal fixer upper. "You'd have more friends if... " Come on, these annoying self improvement gurus rarely stop with hair comments. Think of yourself as a garden that will wither if those around you decided to water the particular plants in the garden they personally thought were desirable or useful. As different people all want to garden you, they go in and try to pull they think are the weeds. Pretty soon you'd be devoid of the spark they saw in you in the first place. Great, other people like you enough to want to tend you all ready as you are. Its okay to nurture those parts they won't though and remember all the plants in your garden are important parts of who you are.

[hayesa]

You'd look better with shoulder length hair/if you wore more makeup/if you put a bit more weight on. Perhaps I would look 'better', but I don't want to look better, I want to look like me! :p

[RitaPG]

If it is indeed a well-intentioned comment, maybe the person is trying to tell you that they can see you in a certain way and it looked good. Both red hair and pixie cuts are fabulous, and even if you prefer longer, natural hair, it is perfectly normal for someone to see things differently.
I wouldn't bother much about it, tho. To each their own :)

I used to find it annoying at first, but now I understand it's only a matter of opinion.
Don't we all have a friend that would look so much better if... :)

[oktobergoud]

Ah yes I get that all the time too. Most people tell me that they liked my platinum blonde hair better and that I should dye it blonde again. It sort of pisses me off because they have NO idea how damaging it was to my fine and fragile hair. Plus I really like the red I have now as well, and I know they don't intend to be mean or anything, but it's just that they have no idea what they are talking about. As in: they never had bleached blonde hair so they have nooo idea how much hassle and upkeep it is. In that way it annoys me because it's really easy to say 'ah go back to blonde that was better!' because if I would do that right now, my hair would be fried and I'd need a buzzcut :P

Oh well, most of the time I tell them that and they're like 'eh okay'. I guess they all think you can just buy a package of blonde hairdye at the drugstore and you're done. Sadly, that's not the case :(

All the other cases I don't really mind, like I should never dye my hair black again, because I will never do that again anyway haha. They're right about that ;)

[Luna12345]

People say these things all the time, Alot of people tell me "have you ever tried straighteneing your hair?"......and I usually just reply " yes but i prefer leaving my hair curly , the way it naturally is."
When I had black hair people were saying I should get highlights, when my hair is brown people tell me I should go black......but I always do what makes me happy since its my hair.

[rosek]

My mum always says I should dye my hair blonde again. She dosen't mean it maliciously - I was very blonde as a child, and it has faded with age. It is just her way of saying she wishes I was a child again. I think its really sweet, I usually always laugh and give her a hug :)

[Noula]

Your hair looks blonde in your avatar, rosek? *confused*

[MonaMayfair]

I have one friend who's said a few times that she preferred my hair when it was my natural colour, which is blonde. She's blonde herself (dyed)
I think she just doesn't like red hair.

On the other hand, nearly every time I see anyone with light to medium brown hair, I invariably think how much prettier it would look if they used henna on it.
I'd never dream of actually saying so if I knew them though, I'm just obsessed with red hair!

I don't think I've EVER given advice to someone who hasn't actually asked for it - I know how irritating that can be...

[AspenSong]

I've gotten it from the in-laws....The hubby has one really snarky Aunt and after not seeing us for about 9 months, we saw them and my hair was longer, all my dyed ends were cut off and she went:
"Oh wow, your hair is growing...and it's dark...ya know, the shorter blonde hair actually suited you" then she waited about 3 minutes and said "But this is okay too if you like it". lol.
I took the high road and said nothing about her wig that she denies she wears.

[Misti]

I used to get this constantly in my youth -- up to about 40, I think.

*fat girls shouldn't wear long hair
*fat girls shouldn't wear pretty clothes
*fat girls shouldn't draw attention to themselves by dressing flamboyantly and wearing makeup

You should cut your hair, you should wear different clothes, you should, you should...

I don't get that much anymore (except from my mother of course) and i think it's because people don't figure that I'm going to change at my age. That or they're scared of me. :p

[yellowflower]

you should have dark hair....why did i do it i hated it last time so why do it again....now stuck with the depression over trying to go back blonde which wrecked my hair

[pixistixx]

I used to get you would look better with thicker hair... noooo... really! I love my scalp cleavage, really lol. then they proceed to tell me how to make it thicker, usually teasing, mousse, hair goo. as If i'd never heard of mousse before lol

[Grejs]

One time that comes to mind was when I coloured my hair black. Then some people told me that I would look better with my hair in a lighter colour. It was true though. It made me look slightly ill.

I don't mind hearing honest input about my appearance if it comes from people that knows me well, that I trust, and is phrased in the "right" way.

If some random person or someone I don't know that well would come up to me and say "you would look better with ..." I would be very annoyed tho. If I wan't their opinion I will ask.

[TiaKitty]

I don't get many of these... I think most people know I wouldn't do a damn thing about it, anyway...

The thing I get the most is when I don't wear make-up, people ask me if I'm sick. I usually only wear eye make-up, anyway, but it must actually make quite a difference in my appearance, because the people who ask are genuinely concerned. Like my child's teacher, or my Mom. I'm fair and have virtually see-through eyelashes without mascara.

I do have one cousin who comments on my hair every time I see her. She has very short hair and thinks I should too. It irritates her that I've kept my hair long most of my life, and she's determined to get me to cut it, no matter what, so she disses it and tries to chip away at my self-esteem where my hair is concerned each and every meet up. The joke is on her, though, because I know what she's up to!!!

[elbow chic]

I blame those stupid makeover shows. You know, they always catch some long haired chick wearing sweats and Crocs and put her in a belted suit with pumps, have her professionally made up and cut ten inches off her hair.

(and she doesn't always look "better," just more.. corporate.)

[TiaKitty]

I don't get many of these... I think most people know I wouldn't do a damn thing about it, anyway...

The thing I get the most is when I don't wear make-up, people ask me if I'm sick. I usually only wear eye make-up, anyway, but it must actually make quite a difference in my appearance, because the people who ask are genuinely concerned. Like my child's teacher, or my Mom. I'm fair and have virtually see-through eyelashes without mascara.

I do have one cousin who comments on my hair every time I see her. She has very short hair and thinks I should too. It irritates her that I've kept my hair long most of my life, and she's determined to get me to cut it, no matter what, so she disses it and tries to chip away at my self-esteem where my hair is concerned each and every meet up. The joke is on her, though, because I know what she's up to!!!