Bad hair sighting - knee length

[leslissocool]

Ok, I have to get this off my chest.

I was at the mall today, walking around and a woman with knee length hair walks right in front of me. Her hair was down and bleached (platinum) as far as I could tell, but what stroke me was her damage. Now I know what severe hair damage looks like, I had really damaged hair for a long time and still have little left. But her hair was just awful.

The thing that shocked me was that her hair started breaking right from BSL and got to the point where it was really REALLY thin at the ends. Not fairy tale ends, but it looked like she had just one layer of thin extensions that where knee, and her real hair was BSL. It shocked me.

After she was in front, I turned to my husband and said "if my hair ever looks that raggedy and burned, just cut it off and tell me to start with virgin hair". Husband thought she herd me, but she was really far so I don't think so.


I guess after the gorgeous locks and fairy tale ends in the LHC I got spoiled and when I saw this women with her hair so damaged and down, it really got to me. Would you have reacted a different way?


ETA: Ok maybe people are totally misreading my comments... She was not on ear's reach ( she was talking on the phone and I couldn't hear her, and I waited a respectful amount of distance to speak) I really didn't offer my help/ advice or even said it for her to hear. Those where just my thoughts expressed to my husband. Nothing more. Hence sighting. She was in front of me, then up in the stream of people walking and talking and being loud. I reacted this way out of shocked in a way that the only person who saw/heard me was my husband.

[leslissocool]

Oh man, I was so careful to make sure the spelling was right I messed up the tittle! monitors please correct it!

[christine1989]

I cringe every time I see something like that! For some reason it seems like there are a ton of women with super long damaged hair at Home Depot every time I go- maybe they are washing their hair with paint stripper or something :laugh:. On a happier hair note I saw an Asian woman at starbucks today with thick, shiny, healthy, classic length hair. I was so excited!

[Cirafly24]

I feel sad when I have these types of sightings. I work with a woman with short blond hair. When I was in a meeting last week, I was sitting behind her...she was wearing her hair in a ponytail, and she looks nice with it pulled back...however, there were broken pieces of hair all over the back of her shirt. I couldn't help cringing, thinking about what she must have done to her hair that's it's so damaged at chin length.

[gthlvrmx]

gah oh my god that's horrible! I so do that too when i see women with such damaged hair. So long and yet they allowed to happen just confuses me. How could you ignore something that long? I've seen several at the same time at a latino store, i was in shock. Soo much long hair and yet most of the women didn't look like they took care of it, but thankfully there was only one woman with almost like hair you described

[Juneii]

I would not have reacted any differently. I value healthy hair over long hair. It's like body odor, you may see an attractive looking person but if they smell bad you would cringe too.

[UltraBella]

I would have felt badly for her and wondered if it was neglect or a medical condition. What if she has something medically wrong and her beautiful thick hair has now thinned, weakened, become brittle, etc. and she just can't bring herself to part with it ? You can't tell by looking at someone, so while I WOULD notice her hair, I would try not to be judgmental.

[leslissocool]

I saw a little Latina girl with thick black classic length too and it was just sooo amazing!


I Just cannot understand, even if that woman didn't hear me, how she cannot expect comments like that when she wears her hair down. I really cannot fit it in my head... I would want someone who tells me " It looks badly damaged, cut the damage out" and as someone who had it pretty bad, I value people's input.

Now as a hair lover I felt a not on the stomach when I saw her hair. My husband thought I was being mean! I just told him I felt like I was watching a train wreck I couldn't stop...

[leslissocool]

I would have felt badly for her and wondered if it was neglect or a medical condition. What if she has something medically wrong and her beautiful thick hair has now thinned, weakened, become brittle, etc. and she just can't bring herself to part with it ? You can't tell by looking at someone, so while I WOULD notice her hair, I would try not to be judgmental.

I don't think it was a medical condition. She got right in front of me, and I got a pretty good look at her hair. Her hairline, all the way until BSL was thick, healthier then the rest. I have family who had health problems and their hair got thin (my mother among them) and it tends to look thin universally. This was all split ends. Her hair was opaque on only the bottom section, and it look really raggedy ( almost like fairy tale ends from afar, but when she was close to me I saw her hair was really damaged). I don't think this was something I did that was really judgmental, it was more of the fact that I saw it from upclose that it just made me cringe...

I really just think she didn't take care of it. It looked bleached, and like out of a box bleached (and I do, not proudly, have first hand experience on that). To me it looked like it was bleach/heat damage, almost a chemical cut like I call it, since it was mostly breakage.

[fairystar32]

:(
I dont see the point of having hair that long if it looks that badly damaged?

[milagro]

I'm in the same boat with UltraBella, I would first assume something bad happened to the mane and it's owner. It's reasonable to suppose so dreadful damage was done to the length already existing.
ETA From you further description it looks like she had very good long hair and damaged it with dye and just didn't chop it off at once. Maybe she was on her way to salon to do it? :)
I wonder though why she had it loose...

[UltraBella]

I Just cannot understand, even if that woman didn't hear me, how she cannot expect comments like that when she wears her hair down.

My husband thought I was being mean! I just told him I felt like I was watching a train wreck I couldn't stop...

I guess I agree with your husband. Her hair is not your concern and she can wear it however she would like. It is one thing to cringe internally and wonder why it looks so awful, but to speak about it possibly within earshot of the woman and to suggest that she should expect comments of that nature is unkind too.
What she should expect is to be able to go about her business without negative remarks from others. By saying she should expect comments of that nature implies that she deserves them. It's like telling a long haired person they should donate their hair to charity. It's unsolicited advice that is usually not appreciated, necessary or nice.

[ravenreed]

I very much agree. I might counsel a friend who I knew would appreciate my comments, positive or negative- then I will speak up. I would answer truthfully when asked my opinion as well, but I would never comment on someone's appearance like that. What next, if I don't like some stranger's lipstick, I should let them know? It really is just hair. What others do with their own locks are none of my concern!



I guess I agree with your husband. Her hair is not your concern and she can wear it however she would like. It is one thing to cringe internally and wonder why it looks so awful, but to speak about it possibly within earshot of the woman and to suggest that she should expect comments of that nature is unkind too.
What she should expect is to be able to go about her business without negative remarks from others. By saying she should expect comments of that nature implies that she deserves them. It's like telling a long haired person they should donate their hair to charity. It's unsolicited advice that is usually not appreciated, necessary or nice.

[leslissocool]

I guess I agree with your husband. Her hair is not your concern and she can wear it however she would like. It is one thing to cringe internally and wonder why it looks so awful, but to speak about it possibly within earshot of the woman and to suggest that she should expect comments of that nature is unkind too.
What she should expect is to be able to go about her business without negative remarks from others. By saying she should expect comments of that nature implies that she deserves them. It's like telling a long haired person they should donate their hair to charity. It's unsolicited advice that is usually not appreciated, necessary or nice.

Ok, she did not hear me first off. She was not on ear's reach ( she was talking on the phone and I couldn't hear her, and I waited a respecful amount of distance to speak). Husband thought I was mean to stare, not because I spoke out. And maybe I shouldn't have stared. But MY prior statement was an opinion, just like thinking how can she not expected for people to say something is. I have a friend with an arm deformity, and upon meeting her I asked about it. She DID expect it, and told me about it. Polite and matter of fact. I try really hard not to stare, but when it happens she understands. She knows. Same with this women. To many people her hair looks just horribly damaged. I am a stranger, I won't go up to her and tell her. None of my business, you are right.

But as I said, I would want someone who is friends with me to tell me politely. Please don't take my words out of context, this is something I wanted to ask to a group of people who would have questioned and stared the same way I would have. This is not every day I see women walking around with knew length hair, and specially not that damaged.

I did not stop her and tell her anything, nor did she hear and this was loud enough for my husband to hear. Just my reaction. Not rude and to myself, but her hair really left a mark on me as someone who have been in a similar ( i believe the same, too, but who knows?) situation.

[Aveyronnaise]

I don't know I've never said anything to people in public about appearance.I used to have fairly bad acne and actually still break out from time to time.
Several times people made the most annoying comments , for example, " if i drank more water , i wouldn't break out like that " - I never drink anything but water,coffee or tea.It was due to hormones.
Anyhow, these people would make mention of my freaking faults , and it would depress me for days.
I may inwardly think " whoa " but I'd never say anything to someone about their appearance, unless maybe you had some toilet paper stuck to your shoe.

[darklion]

I once got my hair to the really damaged state (accidentally dyed it black and then had a salon strip it to try and get my real color back) and I kept it shorter until it grew out. Now, when I went to the salon, the first thing they had to do was to cut my waist length hair to chin before starting any of the nasty stripping processes. Lesson learned. I"ve never colored my hair since!
So I can guess why the lady holds onto the length of her hair. If she is wearing it open, I bet she thinks it looks good. She has the color she wants, the length she wants... she's golden! I bet she doesn't even know there are other ways to care for her hair... it takes effort to find places like LHC, and not everyone is willing to do that. They just let it grow.
I'm sad that she is blind to the damage of her hair. There are ways of working on that... but only if you make the effort.

[Melisande]

I'm with Ultrabella. Imagine that woman wants to find out how to take better care of her hair at LHC and recognizes herself in this thread. How would you feel?

We all have experienced judgmental strangers and felt bad.

This woman was not born to decorate anybody's world.

To be honest and with all respect, i don't see the need for a thread that bashes a woman who has not asked for our help or judgment. I'm always glad that LHC is not that kind of website.

[fairystar32]

I do actually agree with this... sorry OP..........
I guess I agree with your husband. Her hair is not your concern and she can wear it however she would like. It is one thing to cringe internally and wonder why it looks so awful, but to speak about it possibly within earshot of the woman and to suggest that she should expect comments of that nature is unkind too.
What she should expect is to be able to go about her business without negative remarks from others. By saying she should expect comments of that nature implies that she deserves them. It's like telling a long haired person they should donate their hair to charity. It's unsolicited advice that is usually not appreciated, necessary or nice.

[brickworld13]

Her hair may be extremely damaged, but you can't offer advice to a stranger. I can't even offer advice to my sister. What she does to her hair makes me cringe, but she doesn't want to hear about how much healthier it could be, so I just let it go.

[Fufu]

I guess the lady has not come to realise her hair is damaged or perhaps there's other reasons to it. The best scenario is she finds LHC :)

[leslissocool]

Her hair may be extremely damaged, but you can't offer advice to a stranger. I can't even offer advice to my sister. What she does to her hair makes me cringe, but she doesn't want to hear about how much healthier it could be, so I just let it go.

Ok maybe people are totally misreading my comments... I really didn't offer my help/ advice or even said it for her to hear. Those where just my thoughts expressed to my husband. Nothing more. Hence sighting. She was in front of me, then up in the stream of people walking and talking and being loud. I reacted this way out of shocked in a way that the only person who saw/heard me was my husband.

And I really doubt she is here in the LHC. I hope she finds it someday.

[GRU]

I don't see this as any different than me -- after seeing someone in public in such a state -- telling DH or a friend to PLEASE let me know if I ever have a "muffin top" or "camel toe" or "plumber's crack" or "whale tail" or "insert other mistake" situation going on. It's like asking someone to let you know if you have spinach caught in your teeth, etc.

Now if the OP had gone up to the lady and said, "Wow, your hair is really nasty looking, would you like me to tell you how to better care for your hair so it's not so damaged?", then I could understand people calling her judgmental. But that's not the situation here -- the OP just asked someone close to her to let her know if she herself ever had hair that looked that nasty.

And OP, I'm with you.... I see hair like that and think, "How can anyone possibly want to have that dried out haystack attached to their head?" :crazyq:

[monsterna]

I'm with you, too, OP. I'm sure you wouldn't have ever gone up to her and said that. We can't help what we think about other people. Saying your thoughts to anyone but her doesn't hurt her, so it's all good.

[krissykins]

I'm not going to lie, when I see long yet abused hair, all I can do is look away. It makes me so sad and all I can do is hope I don't end up like that :(

[turquoisebud]

I understand what you mean, OP. ;) I think some people just misunderstood what you were trying to say. :) Let's hope the woman finds LHC.

[lapushka]

I agree with UltraBella and others who've said that it's not your concern. Why make a big deal out of this, anyway? I mean, to me, it's one thing to think this, another to openly state your negative opinion on someone else's looks (possibly, but not likely, within earshot), and yet another thing to publicly post this on this board. What if this woman discovers the LHC at some point, then finds this thread and thinks, hey, wasn't that was me at some point? It's horrible.

If you voice negative opinions of someone else, then you better be damned sure you are put together at all times, and never have your off days. I'd hate to see what would happen if you were to run into yourself on a day like that. Just sayin'...

Plus, you don't know the circumstances. It's easy to judge.

[BrightEyes]

I agree with UltraBella and others who've said that it's not your concern. Why make a big deal out of this, anyway? I mean, to me, it's one thing to think this, another to openly state your negative opinion on someone else's looks (possibly, but not likely, within earshot), and yet another thing to publicly post this on this board. What if this woman discovers the LHC at some point, then finds this thread and thinks, hey, wasn't that was me at some point? It's horrible.

I agree with this, sorry OP. If that were me and I later found the LHC and read this, I would be very hurt. I agree that it's one thing to think something and even mention it quietly to a SO, but to bring it to a public board? Mm.. that just doesn't seem to mesh with the kindness the LHC is known for. In reality, I have enough damaged hair of my own (I've found those 1 inch hairs on my clothes that someone mentioned:o). I don't have a right to judge someone else's less than perfect hair.

And I agree that we just don't know that person's situation.

[Celtic Morla]

I'm as guilty of the OP of turnign to my DH and saying thigns sotto voice as in "Please shoot me before i walk out in public liek that" so I can understand where she is coming from. It's one thing to make a comment as an adavnce warning compared to saying it out loud and knowing th eperson will hear you. I've heard comment about my hair colour,"wierd hair colour patterns thread", my mode of dress, my weight, and my total lack of makeup. f someone wants to knwo the reasons for this I would answwer the questions, esp since I react to almost every makeup I try to wear!

[leslissocool]

Making a public thread post of someone who is not related to me with no picture of, no physical description of the person other than "platinum knee length hair" is not something a newcomer would run into and say "that was me! how dare she?". It could have been anyone. Really, I don't know her, and I do live in an area where people really mistreat their hair. So really could be anyone. I was not at knee, but got my hair was that awful one time. That was me at one point and I am glad I salvage the wreckage in a good time. I am commenting on her hair, it is not a personal attack on her (didn't event tell her anything, she and I had no contact other than standing in front of me on a crowded mall and she didn't even turn around to look at me, so most likely she didn't even looked at me, let alone remember me).

Lapushka- I had GREEN hair. Fish tank blue to be exact. I really don't care if anyone looked at me on my off days (and I have twins, which means off days are usually the norm for now) and said "Oh god look at her she is a wreck". I'd probably laugh if I heard someone point and comment, most likely go up to them and say "Gee if you think I look bad, you should have seen me when my kids where newborns..." or share my funny story of picking up dark blue to dye the bottom ha;f of my hair, getting the wrong bottle and as I take off my towel I see bright green...

I don't think it's mean, just something people notice upon sighting. It's first impressions, and sometimes those are the most honest ones. They are not correct and no you don't know what the person has been through, but they are not made to make this person a laughing stock. I certainly wasn't making it to be that way. I really was just shocked, and then felt for bad her since I do care a lot about my hair. She might really not care about it since she was wearing it down and showing it off. I don't care if she did... it's just the damage was the worse I have ever seen on a knee length... pretty shocking...

[TwilightBloom]

This site totally has me paying attention to hair. When hubby and I went to eat breakfast on valentines day, i saw one of the girls i used to work with sitting at the booth next to us. She has midback length hair, that is bleached bleached bleached. I could see her split ends from where i was sitting, no kidding! My hair was screaming for her hair. I love my hair, and I could never do that to it, no more bleach ever in my hair. Im so glad I found LHC..:) You guys have helped me so much.. thanks to everyone..

[trillian]

This thread kind of makes me sad. I understand that your statement was a personal comment to your husband, and honestly, I notice folks hair too. It's almost like noticing someone wearing a shirt full of holes and wrinkles, with stains on it. You don't know why that person chose to wear that shirt. It could be because it's their favorite shirt, it could be because they don't have another one to wear. Without asking them, you'll never know. But why would you ask? This person is a stranger, and likely one you'll never see again. So you share a negative reaction with a few friends, along the lines of hey - guess what, I saw a {Pick a stereotype and insert it here} walking down the street the other day. Boy was he/she/it looking rough/ugly/like cheese.

I know we are all hair afficianados. I keep reminding myself that my hair choices are personal. I maintain it in a manner that pleases me, that I can afford, and that works with my lifestyle. I just try to remember that most people do the same.

[monsterna]

Making a public thread post of someone who is not related to me with no picture of, no physical description of the person other than "platinum knee length hair" is not something a newcomer would run into and say "that was me! how dare she?". It could have been anyone.

Exactly. :)

We just notice hair more as we are members of a hair forum. It's normal. We want people to take better care of theirs, but that's not our concern. No harm in making a thread about it. There was no in depth description, and I don't even know where OP lives at all. It's a non issue. We just feel bad for people with bad experiences whether their fault or not. It's just that OP, and myself, would rather cut off the damage than walk around and ignore it. Whether or not the person likes their hair looking damaged is moot. It's impressions. No they aren't there to decorate our world, but commenting on things, as long as you aren't hurting their feelings outright, is only human.

[Rebecca.1905]

Wow. Um... I don't post here much, but this thread makes me glad I don't. This isn't at all related to hair care -- there's an awful lot of judgmental comments about not being judgmental. Exactly what was the point of all the OP bashing? Pretty offensive stuff, no matter how you word it.

Thanks for the hair care advice, but I'm not sure this place is for me. Just... wow.

[brickworld13]

Ok maybe people are totally misreading my comments... I really didn't offer my help/ advice or even said it for her to hear. Those where just my thoughts expressed to my husband. Nothing more. Hence sighting. She was in front of me, then up in the stream of people walking and talking and being loud. I reacted this way out of shocked in a way that the only person who saw/heard me was my husband.

And I really doubt she is here in the LHC. I hope she finds it someday.

You are right. I misunderstood your OP. I also make comments like that. Don't sweat it. :cheese:

[chopandchange]

I don't think it's any of our business.

[Anywhere]

I still think it could have been due to medical reasons. The regrowth could be at about BSL, which is why its so healthy until there, and the rest of the hair hasn't caught up yet. Don't rule out medical conditions just because it 'looked good until X point'. :shrug:

I might see someone with poor hair but I wouldn't start a whole thread on it, maybe I'd make a post in the Long Hair Sightings thread but.. I do see where you're coming from. I see women (with shorter hair) that is damaged to a point where I want to cringe. I just wouldn't be that bothered by said person's hair to start a thread about it. :shrug:

[spidermom]

I've seen things like that on my own head. One day out in town I saw what I thought was a woman with yellowish hair wearing a white shawl. But no, it was so badly bleach damaged that it looked like something woolly instead of hair from a distance.

[MsBubbles]

I see all sides of this one (I think :hmm:).

I don't feel like scolding the OP right now though because these are things I have thought about in Walmart whenever somebody with less-than-shampoo-commercial-looking hair walked by. Let the first person cast the stone...etc, etc.

Of course the flipside of my harsh judgment in Walmart is paranoia about my own ends, closely followed by the thought "I wonder if my hair looks like that? I hope not! What if it does, though? Nobody would tell me because I look so mean all the time! Maybe I should welcome other people's critique of my hair?!". And so the conversation goes with myself over and over.

So yeah these kinds of thoughts are a slippery slope indeed. But ultimately they say more about the thinker than the person he/she is judging. If the person with 'bad' hair feels good about their appearance, then it shouldn't matter what a very small amount of people say about it.

[pepperminttea]

Whatever the condition, I think my first reaction to knee length hair would still have been "wow!"

Good on her for wearing her hair how she likes.

[Zéphine]

Add me to the list of people who are saddened by this thread. Why is damaged hair "bad"? It's not like her hair robbed a bank or something. There are lots of reasons why her hair could look a particular way. Maybe she converted to a religion that doesn't allow cutting hair and is waiting for the damage to fall out. Maybe she just likes having her hair a particular color.
I'm not saying it's wrong to have aesthetic preferences, but it could be hurtful. Also, I think the fact that her hair is knee-length makes it a lot more likely that she would recognize herself if she came across this site and read the hurtful comments on this thread.

To give an analogy/illustration which I hope will not offend anyone: I have a lot of acne scars on my face. I've gotten used to having scars and most of the time I feel good about the way I look. Actually, the current state of my face is a huge improvement from the way it was before, when I had incredibly severe, painful cysts everywhere, and I've had to make a lot of changes to my diet and personal care routine to get it this way. I would feel really hurt if I found out about someone making comments like "If my face ever looks like that, tell me to put on heavy makeup/get plastic surgery/wear a ski mask."
I don't expect other people to want their skin to look like mine, but I wouldn't like it if people judged me out loud based on my appearance.

[UltraBella]

I Just cannot understand, even if that woman didn't hear me, how she cannot expect comments like that when she wears her hair down.


(Bolding is my own, for clarity.)
I think it's human nature to look, wonder and cringe internally. But the quote above is what pushed this thread, for me, to the unkind and unnecessary. To say she should EXPECT negative comments is just something I don't like and don't understand. I realize she didn't hear you, thank goodness. But by saying she should expect it, in my opinion you are insinuating she deserves it. I disagree.

[Charlotte]

Wow. Um... I don't post here much, but this thread makes me glad I don't. This isn't at all related to hair care -- there's an awful lot of judgmental comments about not being judgmental. Exactly what was the point of all the OP bashing? Pretty offensive stuff, no matter how you word it.



I tend to agree with this comment. :rolleyes:

[Katurday]

*shrugs* I actually like the look of damaged hair. There are a lot of subcultures that are after the very same plastic, dull, fluffy look. My own hair looks like short black quills, because I STYLE it like that. There are a ton of reasons NOT to look, and only one to look. Its honestly none of your business. Worst case scenario she has horrible scalp pains and it makes her hair brittle and dry, as well as unable to put up. Best case scenario she either doesn't care, or loves her hair. And that's cool, you know? Not everyone need's LHC's magic touch. I'm sure a lot of women out there see my acne-ridden face and GASP. WHYYY am I not covering it? WHYYY didn't I look up ways to treat it? Just look away. Its easy.

[monsterna]

I think a lot of things were exaggerated/taken out of context regarding this thread.

The only criticism I agree with is UltraBella's response to the assumption that the girl in question should expect negative views and comments about her hair. That's wrong.

However, I didn't take this as even a personal jab at the woman. OP was simply stating that SHE couldn't deal with her hair like that. It doesn't matter that the woman in question can deal with it. It's like when a vegetarian watches a meat eater and is thinking, "ugh, I just don't know how people do that!" It's not like the vegetarian is actively trying to get the omnivore to change his behavior, and isn't (for the sake of example) preaching to him and letting him know how disgusted or otherwise turned off he is about it. It's simply an observation, and the opinion is completely valid whether or not it somehow offends people. If OP was actually attacking someone personally on this board, or even linking to an actual person's public profile elsewhere online, that would be weird and wrong. But she simply said "I saw someone today." That's it. OP doesn't even list where in the world she's located.

I think this is just making a mountain out of a molehill. I sort of took OP's original post as a way to reflect on past bad hair decisions I've made, and how glad I was to find LHC and change my ways before it got to the point of, say, the woman she saw. It doesn't matter one jot (for the sake of conversation) the circumstances that contributed to the woman's damaged hair, whether it be her own neglect or something medical. For all intents and purposes, we could just easily assume it was her own neglect and then base a discussion around that (like how glad we all are to have found LHC, or stories about how we once had hair that was badly damaged, or making a choice between quantity vs quality).

Not a thread for everyone, yes. However, there was no description that could have identified her personally, and so it's not talking about someone right to their face. And we're only talking about the idea of this woman, like a made up character. We have no idea who she may be. It was just something to strike up a conversation that obviously wasn't to everyone's taste. :)

[Kome]

I know someone with tailbone length hair, but it thins out REALLY badly toward the ends and she RIPS hairbrushes through her hair. *shivers* I can't stand it. I want to trim her hair so badly. Lol. So yeah... I know how you feel! I think it makes a bad name for us longhairs.

[UltraBella]

I know someone with tailbone length hair, but it thins out REALLY badly toward the ends and she RIPS hairbrushes through her hair. *shivers* I can't stand it. I want to trim her hair so badly. Lol. So yeah... I know how you feel! I think it makes a bad name for us longhairs.

I think most of us know someone like this, but I don't think it reflects on other people with long hair.
I know a woman who has classic length hair and I personally think it looks awful. The bottom 12 inches are riddled with splits, it is always tangled and sometimes actually even matted. I really do not understand why she wants long hair if she does not want to care for long hair, but it's hers and she can do as she pleases. She wears it clipped up sometimes on the very front top of her head, so it looks like a strange hair loop where bangs should be. Obviously she has a mirror and can see how it looks, so I can only assume she likes it that way. I wouldn't leave my house with my hair like that, but, not my hair. I try *so* hard not to stare at the loop when she is talking to me. It's difficult and I have to keep telling myself "look her in the eyes, NO, NOOOO !!!! - not at the LOOP, look at her EYES!!!!!!"

I don't want to accidentally make her uncomfortable. Her feelings are more important than her crazy hair. And when she leaves I appreciate my hair, and hair care routine, more.

[LaurelSpring]

Im not sure how I feel about this one. I have definately been guilty of hair judgment but also on the flip side lots of people I know think my hair is "scraggly" and wonder why I dont cut it.

When my hair was more damaged, I was determined to hang onto it and do dustings and microtrims so there were times it didnt look as good as it does now in the process.

I guess its just that some value length over health and some value health over length. Eventually those funky pieces will shed. Maybe by then she will find LHC! :)

I wonder how appropriate it would be to say something like...hi there...it looks like you love long hair as much as I do you might want to check out this site? Ive learned so much there to help my hair.

[katienoonan]

I guess I agree with your husband. Her hair is not your concern and she can wear it however she would like. It is one thing to cringe internally and wonder why it looks so awful, but to speak about it possibly within earshot of the woman and to suggest that she should expect comments of that nature is unkind too.
What she should expect is to be able to go about her business without negative remarks from others. By saying she should expect comments of that nature implies that she deserves them. It's like telling a long haired person they should donate their hair to charity. It's unsolicited advice that is usually not appreciated, necessary or nice.



I agree. Everyone has thier own preferances and stories. Perhaps she'd had cancer in the past, and the thin ends were her re-growth... thin, weak and damaged, but precious to her... like a banner. Or maybe she lost a child and vowed never to cut it again. You never know. Maybe she just likes it like that. I think to have a 'cringe' reaction, and comparing someones hair health to a trainwreck is an unhealthy attitude to have.

[PeaceLoveHair]

I DONT like the look of damaged hair. I dont care how long or short it is. I feel like it's a sign of neglect (generally- I realise some folks might have other reasons such as illness etc..). That being said, it's my personal opinion, and if someone else want damaged hair, it's entirely up to them, after all, it's theirs, not mine. I have no business being judgemental and even offended at the sight of their hair. It's theirs, not mine!

[leslissocool]

(Bolding is my own, for clarity.)
I think it's human nature to look, wonder and cringe internally. But the quote above is what pushed this thread, for me, to the unkind and unnecessary. To say she should EXPECT negative comments is just something I don't like and don't understand. I realize she didn't hear you, thank goodness. But by saying she should expect it, in my opinion you are insinuating she deserves it. I disagree.

My comment is really not meant with any connotation. Again you are taking out of context. Just like your comment "I really do not understand why she wants long hair if she does not want to care for long hair" can be taken out of context and sound really offensive. In my comment, I really meant I just don't understand how someone cannot expect comments about their hair being severely damaged. I just cannot, but it's her hair and I did not stop her, did I? Same deal with the classic length woman on your salon, I cannot fit in my brain how someone can think damage looks good. That's a personal opinion not a negative comment.


*shrugs* I actually like the look of damaged hair. There are a lot of subcultures that are after the very same plastic, dull, fluffy look. My own hair looks like short black quills, because I STYLE it like that.

Now that is something I'd like you to explain more if you don't mind. I found it fascinating and I think that could be something that I don't completely understand but still try to. I am very into the natural look, and would like to see more about the subcultures where damage is preferable :).


I think a lot of things were exaggerated/taken out of context regarding this thread.

The only criticism I agree with is UltraBella's response to the assumption that the girl in question should expect negative views and comments about her hair. That's wrong.

However, I didn't take this as even a personal jab at the woman. OP was simply stating that SHE couldn't deal with her hair like that. It doesn't matter that the woman in question can deal with it. It's like when a vegetarian watches a meat eater and is thinking, "ugh, I just don't know how people do that!" It's not like the vegetarian is actively trying to get the omnivore to change his behavior, and isn't (for the sake of example) preaching to him and letting him know how disgusted or otherwise turned off he is about it. It's simply an observation, and the opinion is completely valid whether or not it somehow offends people. If OP was actually attacking someone personally on this board, or even linking to an actual person's public profile elsewhere online, that would be weird and wrong. But she simply said "I saw someone today." That's it. OP doesn't even list where in the world she's located.

I think this is just making a mountain out of a molehill. I sort of took OP's original post as a way to reflect on past bad hair decisions I've made, and how glad I was to find LHC and change my ways before it got to the point of, say, the woman she saw. It doesn't matter one jot (for the sake of conversation) the circumstances that contributed to the woman's damaged hair, whether it be her own neglect or something medical. For all intents and purposes, we could just easily assume it was her own neglect and then base a discussion around that (like how glad we all are to have found LHC, or stories about how we once had hair that was badly damaged, or making a choice between quantity vs quality).

Not a thread for everyone, yes. However, there was no description that could have identified her personally, and so it's not talking about someone right to their face. And we're only talking about the idea of this woman, like a made up character. We have no idea who she may be. It was just something to strike up a conversation that obviously wasn't to everyone's taste. :)


Thank you :blossom: I really meant it that way, I think like another poster said that It says more about me than that woman. This is not something I posted to laugh/criticize/disrespect anyone, but mostly because It hit home for me and my past chemical horror I've first hand experience (and no one told me it was bad until I had a horrible chemical cut, which I do wish someone would've). I really was shocked more than anything else, and thought how far I've come with my own hair health to the point that, walking across that same mall I get asked what products I use on my own hair to make it this shiny and silky. I really do think this was more personal to me, specially the whole "feeling like I am watching a train wreck" because her hair, although way more damaged than what I have ever had, touched something so close in me and made me think of MY train wreck that I really never saw coming and that brought me here to the LHC.

[trilobite]

I have never seen this, one would think that Utah would be the land of long hair, but it's not-it's anti-mullets. Think Kate!

[Regan]

i love long & well taken care of hair, but this situation wouldn't bother me at all. not enough to make a rude comment about it, risk her hearing and hurting feelings, lol. it's just hair and it's not even on my head.

[nellreno]

Perhaps she likes her hair as is and it's not really for other people to decide how she should wear her hair? A lot of us get the "You should dye/cut/donate/etc your hair", is it really okay for us to think the same of others? Shouldn't we be above that and let people do whatever they like to their hair?

Except for the top 6 inches or so my hair is very damaged from dying and years of mistreatment. I'm slowly growing my hair out because I want to get rid of the damage but I'm not going to sacrifice the length because I like it long. I've also lost a lot of hair in general from illness so I'm trying to see if I can get some thickness back. But it's *my* hair, I'm growing it for *me* and screw anyone else who wants to put me down for my hair.

[May]

I would feel bad if my hair were damaged...I'm sure she knows her hair is not the healthiest around...maybe there's nothing she can do about it and she's just attached to her hair...I don't think any woman WANTS straggly thin hair...

[Demetrue]

I know a lot of people, myself included, who are trying to grow out previously damaged hair and aren't emotionally ready to cut off any length, so we trim a small amount here and there and hope that people aren't sitting around discussing how awful our hair looks.

Either this woman is happy with her hair - which is all that matters, or she knows it looks damaged but she does not want to lose the length - either way, I see no reason why anyone else on the planet is required to live up to our standards or preferences for physical beauty/appearance.

[ddiana1979]

Maybe she has religious reasons for why she can't cut her hair. Maybe she just likes it long. :shrug:

People always ask me why I won't wear shorts or tank tops in the Summer even though I live in the sweltering Deep South. Maybe I just don't want to. :shrug:

[Fufu]

I once see a lady with bob hair and bleached with very light blonde, the colour looks great on her however upon seeing her hair close, I can say it's certainly quite damaged, the hair is very frizzy. So in my mind, i was both thinking the colour looks great on her but it is also quite damaged, rather contradicting.

At the end of the day, as long as she is happy with her hair, it's her own choice afterall.

i know if i am put into that kind of situation and my hair is damaged, chopping off years of effort to get the length can be rather difficult, perhaps the lady with knee length felt this way.

[RitaPG]

I'm with you OP, and I understand your point. Both my sister and I are into long hair and we take damn good care of it, and while we don't make mean comments to people with very bad hair, we always talk with each other about a hair sight, whether it's a good one or a bad one.
Some people just want long hair for the sake of having long hair. Because they know it attracts more attention to themselves, because it's feminine and pretty, whatever... Unfortunately these people have no idea whatsoever on how to take care of it. It's not up to us to tell them what they should be doing, since it's obviously none of our business, but how can you not cringe, right? :rolleyes:

[BeckyAH]

Her feelings are more important than her crazy hair.

This.

A billion times over, for the love of everything, this.

[angelfell]

I don't react much other than stare. I wouldn't say anything to my boyfriend, because he really doesn't understand where I'm coming from.. he thinks really long hair is 'gross' and says he'll be a bit offended if I grow my hair past waist length. I'm sure he really wouldn't be, he just doesn't understand it. So, I'd probably stare.. hopefully, not noticeably. That's sad, though :/. I see mistreated hair quite often.. but I can't judge, because mine isn't incredibly healthy, either.

[elbow chic]

I have never seen this, one would think that Utah would be the land of long hair, but it's not-it's anti-mullets. Think Kate!

haha, anti-mullets.

[BeckyAH]

On the topic of the post, and removing my strong belief that it is never okay to comment to a stranger on their physical appearance:

I do sometimes really, really want to say someone when I see hair that should be curly or wavy but isn't. This is largely because I just discovered that my hair isn't defective straight hair, it's just not straight. In fact, it isn't straight at all. I haven't even brought this up with my MOTHER, who doesn't know how to handle her curly (curlier than mine) hair, because it's *her hair*, and it's not really any of my concern. I might if she seemed unhappy and asked for advice? But she isn't and hasn't, and that makes it firmly none of my business.


I do think it, though. (Stop brushing/combing it all out!)

Though I do kind of resent her for training me that unbrushed hair is the same as an unwashed face, because now I'm really super uncomfortable not brushing the heck out of my hair if I leave the house, which is sad. Because it looks better left alone.

[elbow chic]

I will admit to drinkin' while posting but seriously, "anti-mullet" is one of the best words I've heard all year. Thanks, Trilobyte!

[SilentGuardian]

I know what you're saying.

My step-sister has an aunt, who has tailbone length hair. Sadly, her hair is so damaged. It doesn't look nice at all :(

[Audrey Horne]

It's very easy - just don't look. She's probably happy with it. I think there's no need to pass a judgement, especially out loud... It would be the same if someone says about you "Omg just look at her ___ (fill in the gap)! Can't she do something about it, it's so awful!" just because her ___ is superiour to yours in her opionion. I don't think anyone would like it. If you cringe so much you can discuss it somewhere outside to make sure that a woman in question doesn't hear you.

[slo2gro]

I would have felt badly for her and wondered if it was neglect or a medical condition. What if she has something medically wrong and her beautiful thick hair has now thinned, weakened, become brittle, etc. and she just can't bring herself to part with it ? You can't tell by looking at someone, so while I WOULD notice her hair, I would try not to be judgmental.

yeah me too. I value healthy hair over quantity as well but to each their own yanno. We dont know why anyones hair does as it does. They may have medical issues preventing them from caring for it properly or medicines that interfere with the health of the hair itself etc.

[ladyfey]

(Bolding is my own, for clarity.)
I think it's human nature to look, wonder and cringe internally. But the quote above is what pushed this thread, for me, to the unkind and unnecessary. To say she should EXPECT negative comments is just something I don't like and don't understand. I realize she didn't hear you, thank goodness. But by saying she should expect it, in my opinion you are insinuating she deserves it. I disagree.

Exactly this!!

[Arya]

Sorry. I think we all think it, and isn't it better to come on here and talk about it anonymously. Some things make us cringe, nothing wrong with being honest about it, as long as you're not being rude. I would probably cringe at this woman, and she would probably cringe at my hot pink Japanese space boots.

[maria_asa]

While I do understand your reaction (and probably would have chringed myself seeing something like that) I think you're unneccesarily hard on her. Like many others have written, you don't know what her situation is. As someone who has hair that most people probably would describe as "really thin, scraggly and in desperate need of a trim" I can see myself in her situation. Maybe she's well aware of how her hair looks and maybe she's trying to correct her mistakes but as her hair is knee length it will take a lot of time? She might also indeed expect comments about her damaged hair but chooses to leave it as it is anyway? Or maybe she is infact totally oblivious to how it looks and are happy with that, shouldn't she be able to just continue with her life? If her hair really bothers you so much you just don't have to look at it :shrug:

[WinterButterfly]

I find that there are a lot of ladys with very bleached damaged hair.In fact, damaged hair seems to be the norm. It is those who have long healthy hair that are unusual. To most people she probably doesn't look bad. But to most people, my hair looks very good. So if you compare this persons hair to the average woman, she probably looks alright. Granted that I am not a fan of the bleached look. To me it looks bad on almost everyone. I hate it when people really damage their hair. But to the average man, the bleached look means a fun flirty gal. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I would not find her hair pretty. But some would. Maybe someone will grow their hair long too because of her. Just hope that something positive will come from it. :)

[lilravendark]

I'm with Ultrabella. Imagine that woman wants to find out how to take better care of her hair at LHC and recognizes herself in this thread. How would you feel?

We all have experienced judgmental strangers and felt bad.

This woman was not born to decorate anybody's world.

To be honest and with all respect, i don't see the need for a thread that bashes a woman who has not asked for our help or judgment. I'm always glad that LHC is not that kind of website.

I second this Id feel awful if I stumbled on a thread that bashed my hair , just like if we were on another beauty site and found derogatory comments about our hair habits and goal lengths with people saying oh poor them why dont they realise it looks bad etc

[McFearless]

Sorry OP, you've got my support. Some people like to pretend that they don't have aesthetic preferences. You are entitled to think her hair is ugly. Hair is a touchy subject on here. If you were talking about how revealing her clothing was, nobody would blink.

[bettylibertine]

:drama: ...

[Heartwillfollow]

we should carry LHC business like cards with us... and instead of leaving someone (in need ) feeling bad.. we could just hand them the info for finding LHC and say something like come grow with us... :)...

[Raqdoll]

we should carry LHC business like cards with us... and instead of leaving someone (in need ) feeling bad.. we could just hand them the info for finding LHC and say something like come grow with us... :)...

I was going to suggest this very thing. Instead of just cringing and staring, try initiating a conversation..."Wow! You've got amazingly long hair. Did you know there's a fantastic support group on-line called 'The Long Hair Community Forum'? We'd love to see ya there."

[StormVixen]

hmmm... I work in Boots... I tell a LOT of people about this site and "British Curlies"... I suppose I'm in the right place where people ask me for advise :D

[Syrena]

This woman seems like quantity over quality type...

[Armelle]

I realize this is an old thread but I thought I'd jump in anyways (I haven't been here in a long time.)

I was put on migraine medication that caused my hair to fall out. ALOT of hair. Whole CLOUDS of hair. My hair was nearly tb length at that time. You can find the whole story on my blog. I did cut half my hair off when I could no longer get all the matted areas untangled and strangers were commenting on the clumps of hair hanging out of my hemline. :(

The doctors did not tell me this would happen.

Was it sad and gross? Sure. Did it take months for me to give in and cut it? You bet.

My hair is still in rough shape from all I went through. It IS growing back oh. so. slowly.

But even still, I'll not be cutting it again. Short hair does NOT suit me at all. Even damaged, my hair looks so much better long. I search and destroy as I can, but I've got alot of hair to go through. :(

Once in a while folks, you might not know all the extenuating circumstances when you see someone with torn up hair.

[Melisande]

Armelle, I'm sorry to hear that. I had a similar experience some years ago - after getting a hormone treatment (doctor thought I had endo which was wrong) I had an unholy trinity of reactions: very strong acne attack around my mouth (the scares are still visible), weight gain (20 kilos which I still carry around), and I lost c. one third of my never plentiful hair.

Guess what? It grew back and this is the one complication taht left no trace on me :=)

[paintedhorse]

eeek i see on those infernal reality tv shows how a lot of their hair is damaged i tell my husband all the time look how damaged their hair is, its bad when i can see it on my tv and no i dont have one of the HD tvs, i cringe every time i see one of theses said girls rip threw her wet hair with a brush and i can hear it snapping and breaking it gives me goose bumps lol

[MsBubbles]

I was going to suggest this very thing. Instead of just cringing and staring, try initiating a conversation..."Wow! You've got amazingly long hair. Did you know there's a fantastic support group on-line called 'The Long Hair Community Forum'? We'd love to see ya there."

I really love your approach here, Raqdoll.

[AcornMystic]

Wow. Um... I don't post here much, but this thread makes me glad I don't. This isn't at all related to hair care -- there's an awful lot of judgmental comments about not being judgmental. Exactly what was the point of all the OP bashing? Pretty offensive stuff, no matter how you word it.

Thanks for the hair care advice, but I'm not sure this place is for me. Just... wow.

My thoughts exactly. There is nothing wrong with sharing your views with your SO and your fellow long hairs. I mean, if you can't talk to others that value healthy long hair who can you talk to.

All this OP bashing does is cause a sense of separation. If I was ridiculed like that I'd feel less inclined to share my real life experiences and my POV, with my own expressions, making me slowly sink back from the community into a pure lurker looking strictly for tips on caring for hair.

I joined because I want to be more than just a lurker looking for tips. I want to be able to express my thanks for everything that I learn, reading other people's experiences, and in so doing becoming closer to these people.

I value all of your personal opinions and I try to relate them to my own experiences. I won't shun you for your opinion, I actually thank you, leslissocool. (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/member.php?u=29702) I would like to continue to know what happens in your life and how you feel about it, so please don't let an experience like this discourage you from posting again. :):flowers:

[RitaPG]

My thoughts exactly. There is nothing wrong with sharing your views with your SO and your fellow long hairs. I mean, if you can't talk to others that value healthy long hair who can you talk to.

All this OP bashing does is cause a sense of separation. If I was ridiculed like that I'd feel less inclined to share my real life experiences and my POV, with my own expressions, making me slowly sink back from the community into a pure lurker looking strictly for tips on caring for hair.

I joined because I want to be more than just a lurker looking for tips. I want to be able to express my thanks for everything that I learn, reading other people's experiences, and in so doing becoming closer to these people.

I value all of your personal opinions and I try to relate them to my own experiences. I won't shun you for your opinion, I actually thank you, leslissocool. (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/member.php?u=29702) I would like to continue to know what happens in your life and how you feel about it, so please don't let an experience like this discourage you from posting again. :):flowers:
This is one of the reasons why I post and subscribe a lot less on LHC. In general people are super nice here but this has been happening in a lot of threads lately, and you can pretty much guess when someone is about to be misread and bashed for sharing a point of view.

[BeckyAH]

I am completely bemused for people being upset by the lack of tolerance, understanding and benefit of the doubt for... a lack of tolerance, understanding, and benefit of the doubt. o.O Oh, internet, never change.

[AcornMystic]

I was going to suggest this very thing. Instead of just cringing and staring, try initiating a conversation..."Wow! You've got amazingly long hair. Did you know there's a fantastic support group on-line called 'The Long Hair Community Forum'? We'd love to see ya there."

Aside from my other post, I was going to mention ways to approach the situation. This is actually what I was thinking. Either that or making business cards as was suggested. It had already crossed my mind to make little paper tabs linked to this website:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/06/fashion/06locks.html?pagewanted=2

that shows the "true colors" of hair donation, so I can just keep a little bundle in my purse and hand people those and be on my way if they approach me about donating my hair.

[UltraBella]

I am completely bemused for people being upset by the lack of tolerance, understanding and benefit of the doubt for... a lack of tolerance, understanding, and benefit of the doubt. o.O Oh, internet, never change.

I completely love you right now ;)

[AcornMystic]

I am completely bemused for people being upset by the lack of tolerance, understanding and benefit of the doubt for... a lack of tolerance, understanding, and benefit of the doubt. o.O Oh, internet, never change.

I didn't see this thread as an example of that. It didn't come across as an opportunity to be hypocritical and gossip about others so to get my back up. I saw it more as an opportunity to discuss what may have caused the long hair who was sighted to have had hair like that, and share our own experiences in regards to that, how we avoided it etc.. allowing us to delve more into hair tips and be constructive than to degrade it. If Katurday hadn't mentioned it I wouldn't have known that damaged hair is actually something that some people try to acheive.

[BeckyAH]

I didn't see this thread as an example of that. It didn't come across as an opportunity to be hypocritical and gossip about others so to get my back up.

I can absolutely understand that, though it was not how I read the original post. I have pretty strong opinions about the appropriateness of discussing parts of people's physical appearance, and that strong opinion is: don't, even when it's positive. If it's attached to/is their body, definitely don't, and even more don't if it's negative. This tripped every gossip/bullying/inappropriate button I had.

But again: I understand the other read, upon reading follow-up posts, and understand now that the OP did not mean offense.

But every reaction of 'OP bashing' here was originally a response defending the poor woman and her feelings, and pointing out that there are things that may have made the damage done to her hair a source of something more than neglect, and that feelings are more important than hair.

That? Isn't something to chastise people for, IMO. That's not a sign of a backbiting community. That's a sign of a community who cares about other people's feelings, and aren't going to tolerate what they see as bullying. No one called her evil - they said: No, I absolutely do not and would not do this and I have a problem with it - this is why. Then they pointed out that for all we know she is a member here or may become one.

OP misspoke. But defending someone who they saw as being essentially confronted in public with unwanted negative attention because of her hair? That's not a bad thing for me. It's a good one, that made me fall in love with this community more.

[BeckyAH]

I completely love you right now ;)

:cheese: (The internet is sometimes a very strange place)

[Audrey Horne]

I know it's difficult to understand (including myself) but some people just leave their splits and damage alone. I've heard many times "I have splits but I'm not going to cut it because I want it to be long". Have you heard it too??? Not everyone is ready and willing to commit to "alternative haircare"...

[Slinks]

:drama: ...

double up on the :drama: ..

[McFearless]

double up on the :drama: ..
And add a little bit of
http://i52.tinypic.com/o7mwk0.jpg