Rehabilitating Extremely Damaged Hair

[RancheroTheBee]

I mentioned this a couple of months ago, but my boyfriend has collarbone-length hair that is extremely damaged. He just simply does not cut it (he'd usually let it grow to about BSL before considering a trim) and he uses a 'coney 2-in-1 that simply does nothing. He also flops around in his sleep, which causes enormous knots in the back of his head which he usually rips out with his fingers.

So, yesterday, he decides he wants to dye his hair white. :rolleyes: So, I used a protein treatment on his hair, followed by a deep conditioning, and his hair looked way better afterwards. Even after the bleaching, it looked better than it has in years. It's not actually white; it's a light blonde with violet overtones.

The thing is that he realizes what we did to his hair and the amount of damage he's accumulated. He suggested that I microtrim his hair for the next year while the dye grows out, but I'm sort of worried that the bulk of his hair won't survive for a month. I'm anticipating a lot of breakage.

What can he do to minimize the damage from now on and keep his ends glued together for the time being? I've already found him a 'coney shampoo and conditioner (separate this time!) and I can get him to use a leave-in. He'll also let me gently comb the knots out. I can't get him to wear silk caps or anything at work (he's a cook and wears a touque every day) and he's in Japan for the next month, so he can't bring any of the products I bought with him.

Thanks in advance! :)

[krissykins]

Can you get him to wear hats when he's out and about? Put hair in a ponytail if it's long enough? Satin pillowcase for sleeping? :)

[Fairlight63]

If his hair is really dry, he could try putting EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil) on his hair the night before washing & put it in a braid until he washes it. I have old dye on my ends that makes my hair dry & that seems to really help my hair not to feel like straw.

[Misti]

Guys are not generally willing to do anything that "looks weird" or takes a lot of extra effort. When I met my honey 10 years ago, his hair was at 18 inches long and had been for years -- he figured it was "at terminal" (though he didn't use those words). It also resembled a hay stack.

I gradually trained him over the years, though he still lets it fly around for days between combings and then "drags a rake through" his poor hair, taking no care to be gentle. Nonetheless, his hair looks much smoother and has reached 35 inches as of this week.

First, I convinced him to stop using cones. (That was easy, since I never buy them and he uses whatever I have in the shower.) Next, I taught him CO. He was amazed. In addition to being very fried, his scalp was always greasy, even spoon after washing. After a few weeks of CO, his hair looked cleaner than it had in years!

Next I talking him into trying a bun. (His pony tail suffer a HUGE amount of mechanical stress rubbing against clothes, car seats, and everything else.) That took some doing, but I started by putting some of my smaller, less girly sticks in his hair when we were working around the house, then showing him samurai photos with hair sticks and buns, and even that cute guy who did a show in the 80s or 90s who made a fortune when he sold his hair on eBay. (The immortal guy --can't remember his name.)

He bought an even plainer stick close to the colour of his hair "to wear at home", but periodically he would have it in when we went out. What tore it for him was seeing the long haired lad down the street, out mowing his lawn , shirtless and very masculine...with his hair in a bun. He realized that it didn't look effeminate by itself and has been a convert ever since.

I also offer to oil his hair every so often, and he always comments on how nice and easy it is to handle for the next few days. :p (Now, if I could just convince him to suggest it instead of waiting for me to think of it. I usually think of it when our son's hair gets tangled and unmanageable. (My honey is a stay at home dad and just as careful of our son's hair as he is of his own. :rolleyes: )

[RancheroTheBee]

krissykins: He's definitely willing to use a silk pillowcase. He had one before, but I kind of stole it. I can make one for him, though. And he wears a hat constantly, so that's no problem. He usually doesn't rub the hat, or anything, so that's good.

Fairlight63: I think I can probably convince him to do that. Do you think it would work just as well if I just put a drop or two in before combing it and leave it to soak in?

Misti: That's the worst part about men's hair! The other night, I was dyeing him and his friend's hair, and I got them to wash their own hair. It's like no one ever teaches men to wash their hair. One of them just poured shampoo directly onto his scalp and started vigorously mashing it around.

I don't want to wean him off 'cones just yet. I want him to keep his ends glued together for the time being while I trim out the damage. I think I can convince him to put it up, but the edges of his hair is extremely coarse and curly, so it gets hard to put a lot of his hair up.

I'm also going to try introducing him to oils. One of his problems is a serious lack of protein, so I wanted to use coconut to help prevent more protein loss, but I'm afraid that might make his hair a little crunchier (and with bleached, mostly coarse hair, that might be quite the problem). I also need something that won't be hard for him to find/carry with him in Japan. EVOO might be a little cumbersome, now that I think about it.

[Anywhere]

If you can get him to:
Deep oil treatments.
SMTs.
Protein treatments followed by SMTs.
Hair up. (collarbone length isn't long enough to do many styles but a teensy braid or ponytail would work, yes?)
mostly COing.

I say this because my hair has greatly recovered since, by doing these things. it feels very similar (but still a tad rough) compared to my natural hair. I never had it break off, and the only thing that makes it any different than the rest of my hair now (besides the slight texture change) is how it looks. It looks frizzy and frazzled and loses its curl almost immediately, compared to my roots. My damaged hair seems to prefer EVOO to coconut oil, but YMMV.

I wouldn't wean him off cones just yet. Cones and damaged hair go well together, in my opinion. I feel like the cones smooth out the damage and make my hair less tangle prone.

[RancheroTheBee]

If you can get him to:
Deep oil treatments.
SMTs.
Protein treatments followed by SMTs.
Hair up. (collarbone length isn't long enough to do many styles but a teensy braid or ponytail would work, yes?)
mostly COing.

I say this because my hair has greatly recovered since, by doing these things. it feels very similar (but still a tad rough) compared to my natural hair. I never had it break off, and the only thing that makes it any different than the rest of my hair now (besides the slight texture change) is how it looks. It looks frizzy and frazzled and loses its curl almost immediately, compared to my roots. My damaged hair seems to prefer EVOO to coconut oil, but YMMV.

I wouldn't wean him off cones just yet. Cones and damaged hair go well together, in my opinion. I feel like the cones smooth out the damage and make my hair less tangle prone.

:) Thank you! I'll stick to the EVOO then. And I was thinking the same thing about the 'cones. I don't think he'll ever stop using them, though; he gravitates towards slippy conditioners.