Love when people who know Nothing....

[AspenSong]

About hair, lecture you on it! lol.

Had to share.
Hubby and I were at dinner with my Mother in law and Brother in law the other night. BIL is my age, very much a know it all and usually treats me like I'm 5 years old because he's two weeks older than I am and he went to college, and I didn't. :rolleyes:
So MIL and I are talking hair stuff and laughing about how my shed hairs look like a swamp creature in the shower. lol. And I tell her, I don't THINK I'm shedding much more than usual because when I count it's usually about 80+ hairs a day I think. BIL decides to interject himself into the convo and "school" me on hair.

He tells me that I'm more likely than not, shedding over two or three times that amount of hair daily because hair isn't meant to be long like I'm wanting mine because all that collected weight puts stress on the root and eventually you're just shedding more and more and that's why there's hardly any women with long hair or with thick long hair. (lol, I BEG to differ!) I say nothing because there is no use in arguing with him. He's just like my husband's father - they will talk about something they don't know about, and even if you know they're wrong and can explain it, they'll fight you on how they're right and tell you it's okay, they don't expect you to know about this or that. It's insane.
So he keeps telling me how the hair root isn't meant to hold all this weight. And when you have long hair, you're constantly stressing and pulling your hair out, without knowing it or even touching it. And you don't realize it, but you can't keep a hair growing on your head for more than maybe a year at the longest, and it'll give into that stress and fall out. (I started to say something at this point about his receeding hairline and how his hair must be jumping ship and committing hair-icide to get away from listening to him...but I chose the high road) All this is why women don't have long hair anymore....is because at some point they need to cut it short to save their hair and let it rest and thickness come back because new hair won't grow because it knows what a stressed enviroment is on the head with the other hairs and that it can't live. So basically I need to know this, so I don't end up bald at some point. According to him, that's just some knowledge not "everyone" knows about or understands, but he just wants to help. :crazyq:

[elbow chic]

you should totally have called him out on the receding hairline. Screw the high road: this is FAMILY!

Anyway, does he think women in years gone by had lighter hair than they do today? So weird, lol.

[white line]

I agree with you, it is useless to argue with utter ignorance.

[AspenSong]

lol....I have to deal with this a LOT between him and his dad. I've had to learn to keep my mouth shut, because when I didn't it caused a lot of issues and until I can live farther away from them than a mile....I don't need more drama. I know they do it at times to bait me, BIL and FIL don't like me. They think hubby could have done better than marrying a chubby, poor, country girl who's got a big mouth. lol. So I know a lot of it is to get me to fight with them, and then they tell hubby "Oh see, she's just not meant for this family, she hates us all" blah blah. Bunch of nuts....

[AspenSong]

you should totally have called him out on the receding hairline. Screw the high road: this is FAMILY!

Anyway, does he think women in years gone by had lighter hair than they do today? So weird, lol.


I have no idea what he thinks of where his "logic" is coming from. I mean if you go off what he's saying, I guess all of us on this site should be bald or sitting around with 12 waist length long hairs because all the others fell out from "stress". lol

[Lucia2]

My BIL is much like this but I try to remember this:

"Never argue with an idiot, they will drag you down to their level then beat you with experience........"



;)

[Yozhik]

:nono: Your brother in law sounds like he needs some long-hair schooling . . .

[Gabriel]

Practice in a mirror, a serious not amused look. Very unfriendly, minimal blinking and no looking away. No speaking with this look. Not a word. Learn to administer this look to folks who can't keep their unwanted and unnecessary expertise to themselves.

Use it on your know-it-all in-laws. Just stop whatever you are doing, focus it on him when he starts his lecture and wait until he finishes and the silence becomes uncomfortable. If there is any comment about it from one of the "Einsteins", simply shrug and go back to the conversation with the person you were originally enjoying the conversation with, not acknowledging the rude interruption. Wash, rinse, repeat as necessary.

Alternately switch the subject to menstruation or any other subject that might make him squeamish immediately and if the "expert" tries to interject his advanced knowledge, immediately and in complete and utter seriousness ask,

"Oh, is this information from your personal experience then? I'm not really interested in what someone has to say who doesn't have personal and first hand experience in this, but thanks."

[jeanniet]

because new hair won't grow because it knows what a stressed enviroment is on the head with the other hairs and that it can't live.

My hair must be unduly hardnosed then, because my shed rate is the same whether it's short or long, and it's thick as ever at BSL. I had no idea that hair was supposed to be so introspective and sensitive. :D

[AspenSong]

Practice in a mirror, a serious not amused look. Very unfriendly, minimal blinking and no looking away. No speaking with this look. Not a word. Learn to administer this look to folks who can't keep their unwanted and unnecessary expertise to themselves.

Use it on your know-it-all in-laws. Just stop whatever you are doing, focus it on him when he starts his lecture and wait until he finishes and the silence becomes uncomfortable. If there is any comment about it from one of the "Einsteins", simply shrug and go back to the conversation with the person you were originally enjoying the conversation with, not acknowledging the rude interruption. Wash, rinse, repeat as necessary.

Alternately switch the subject to menstruation or any other subject that might make him squeamish immediately and if the "expert" tries to interject his advanced knowledge, immediately and in complete and utter seriousness ask,

"Oh, is this information from your personal experience then? I'm not really interested in what someone has to say who doesn't have personal and first hand experience in this, but thanks."


LMAO....Omg, so doing that. :misskim:

[fluffybunny]

Sheesh, what a complete Bozo. Sounds like he's making it up as he goes. I wonder if he's just intentionally messing with people or if he convinces himself he's right.

I've known some variants of this type in my profession. There's a big need to be smart and in the know in my field. When a new topic comes up, I'll notice some guys will just launch into what sounds like pure speculation, but it's as if the second it's out of their mouth, they're invested in defending it as true. It's all bluster.

For your BIL, I think I'd be tempted to give him a quizzical look and say sarcastically, "so where did you get this brilliant theory?" Then whatever his reply, say "Mmm-hmmm. Yeah." Then move to a new topic.

[MicheleClaire]

Ooh what a dillweed. My sympathies!

[gretchen_hair]

Ooh what a dillweed. My sympathies!

I love the word dillweed, we use the expression all the time at our house. :D

[McFearless]

you should totally have called him out on the receding hairline. Screw the high road: this is FAMILY!

Anyway, does he think women in years gone by had lighter hair than they do today? So weird, lol.

HA yes! I'm with elbow.:cool: hah that sounds funny...im with elbow

[AspenSong]

Sheesh, what a complete Bozo. Sounds like he's making it up as he goes. I wonder if he's just intentionally messing with people or if he convinces himself he's right.

I've known some variants of this type in my profession. There's a big need to be smart and in the know in my field. When a new topic comes up, I'll notice some guys will just launch into what sounds like pure speculation, but it's as if the second it's out of their mouth, they're invested in defending it as true. It's all bluster.

For your BIL, I think I'd be tempted to give him a quizzical look and say sarcastically, "so where did you get this brilliant theory?" Then whatever his reply, say "Mmm-hmmm. Yeah." Then move to a new topic.


Ohhhh, he KNOWS he's right. He and FIL both do this stuff big time.
Here's an example. I grew up in SW Colorado in the mountains. Every fall you have the Kokanee Salmon spawn and they "milk" them at the local inlets, getting the eggs etc for the hatcheries and to leave in the inlet and then giving the fish away to the locals for food since the fish go off and die right after spawning. Well I grew up with Kokanee Salmon. I know for a fact that they're salmon! My FIL started "schooling" a table full of people at breakfast once about "Kokanee fish", he never used the word Salmon and I finally interjected and said "Oh, you mean Salmon right?", he laughed at me, said "No, I mean the Kokanee fish, there's no such thing as a Kokanee Salmon...Most people don't know this, but a Kokanee is not a Salmon at all" - So I said, um...Yeah, yeah they are...and he proceeded to tell me that I was wrong, they're two different kinds of fish, but it was okay that I didn't know that because most people didn't and no one at the table expected me to know about things like that. :hatchet:
He thinks he's an outdoorsman because he's been a Boy Scout leader in a city and they take the boys to lakes to camp. In cabins. With running water and heat.

I grew up in a mountain town. I may not know everything, but I know for a fact 90% of the stuff he "knows" about when it comes to survival, identifying animals and tracks, etc, is 100% wrong.
But I'm not to be listened to because he doesn't like me. lol

So it's not BIL messing with anyone. It's genuine and genetic! I even have to slap hubby sometimes because he'll start to say something about something he knows nothing about!

[Ais]

Argh, I hate that kind of sanctimonious know it all carry on.. It drives me crazy regardless but when it's on a subject that you evidently know more about, and they more or less invent facts to contradict you.. :rant::hatchet:
I know it's easier to avoid the drama, but I don't know if I could have exercised the same self constraint, I think I'd have gone on a bit of a tirade, he sounds insufferable!

[chopandchange]

I know what you mean.

I used to argue with people like that. Now I just shut up and sit there and nod and smile and let them talk rubbish if it makes them happy. It's just not worth arguing with someone so self-important.

People like that never have the humility to learn new things or admit they've made a mistake. Me, I make mistakes all the time and hardly know anything at all about most things.The more you learn, the more you realise how little you know! But some people don't get it. They think they know everything.

P.S. The worst thing of all is when they're ignorantly patronising you, isn't it? Laughing at you and mentally patting you on the head. It's infuriating.

[growing2shine]

My mom has a friend like that. She thinks that she knows all there is to know, and she really doesn't know much about anything. She also often talks about how very intelligent she is. It's just impossible to win an arguement with her! It's quite exsausting, even my mom thinks so.

[LadyG]

"Stupidity can't be cured, but ignorance can"
I've met the type, and you're right, there's no arguing with them. It's as if they do it on purpose to gall you into a fight so they can humiliate you. So, I agree, ignore them, and give them "the look", give them the nasty smile and turn your back on them. Everybody else will know you gave them the snub, except them. Good luck, and you have my sympathy.

[raychelnorberg]

This story made me laugh. I am growing my hair out and I get the weirdest advice sometimes. Now, I try not to mention it. Because of stories similar to yours:)

[monsterna]

So him saying that hair doesn't last longer than a year means that people with knee-length hair have ****ing amazing hair growth. I WISH I KNEW ALL OF HIS SECRETS!!! Hahah.

[enfys]

I know what you mean.

I used to argue with people like that. Now I just shut up and sit there and nod and smile and let them talk rubbish if it makes them happy. It's just not worth arguing with someone so self-important.

People like that never have the humility to learn new things or admit they've made a mistake. Me, I make mistakes all the time and hardly know anything at all about most things.The more you learn, the more you realise how little you know! But some people don't get it. They think they know everything.

P.S. The worst thing of all is when they're ignorantly patronising you, isn't it? Laughing at you and mentally patting you on the head. It's infuriating.

Boling mine. My BIL actually does that to my sister. It's all I, DH, mum and dad can do not to wrestle him to the floor and snap his arms off so he never does it again. Yeah my DH is the favourite son in law. No chuffing wonder.

I guess he keeps his hair short to stop male pattern baldness getting to him then?:rollin:

[AspenSong]

P.S. The worst thing of all is when they're ignorantly patronising you, isn't it? Laughing at you and mentally patting you on the head. It's infuriating.

That's exactly what really gets to me. I have trained myself to ignore all this stuff as much as I can, but it's the treating me like I'm stupid and telling me it's okay that I'm not as smart as you, that makes me want to smack em'!

[Speedbump]

Whatever he's smoking, I bet it's expensive. :twisted: :eyebrows:

[vanillabones]

Wow. That's insane. He sounds insane. My sister is exactly this type of person that you've described. The know-it-all that is bossy intense and you're better off just sitting there with a fake smile and feeding into their ego than trying to teach them something. These type of people never truly learn anything - they think they were born the genius of the world :D

Women don't have long hair these days because of that? How about a lot of women don't have long hair because of trends, stereotypes of age, laziness and appropriateness...
blahhhhhhhhhh I feel your pain with dealing with your BIL, especially on the matter of hair. He should be embarrassed, especially being a non-LHC educated male with a receding hairline.. oh boy hahahaha

[RadiantNeedle]

We need all the classic+ length folk here on the LHC to record themselves showing how long their hair is and then flipping your BiL the bird! What a douche.

[AspenSong]

We need all the classic+ length folk here on the LHC to record themselves showing how long their hair is and then flipping your BiL the bird! What a douche.

lmao....too funny.

[christine1989]

This has to be my #1 pet peeve! I have an aunt who will read one brief article about something then think she's a bona fide expert. I have to play devil's advocate and throw in some defense for the "pseudo hair experts" though; alot of false information about hair health comes directly from hairdressers. Naturally, people assume that stylists know what they are talking about :rolleyes:.

[colette]

I comletely understand this thread!:mad:

i have numerous relatives (relatives of my husband...) who insist on constant hair cutting! the MIL is forever getting on at me to have my daughters beautiful golden waves cut, claiming it will thicken up, and when i say no, because i want to grow it, she then claims it will make it grow faster if i cut! you know when your speaking to someone fairly intelligent, and wondering, how does she not know, that nothing you do to the ends of the hair will make the hair shaft either thicker or grow faster?! it will grow at its own speed, and its as thick as it is, cos thats her genetic make up! she has my hair, fine and wavy, ive been cutting my hair for 32 years, and guess what? its still fine!

anyway, yeah, its really annoying. (esp coming from people who have never had long hair in their life!)

rant over :) :)

[krissykins]

I don't understand his logic.

If this were true, how would obese people have feet? Wouldn't they fall off from all the stress put on them? :p

[Taur5684]

To be fair, several obese people have problems walking due to issues with their knees from all the weight, and I have seen people whose legs have actually bowed out as a result of their weight (although that's with morbidly obese)...
But I get what you're saying (^_~)

My favorite part of OP's story was how he thought hair only lasted a year before falling out. How fast does he think hair grows?

[Greenhousegirl]

Or on the hair falling out subject type...
One girl asked me what I was doing with my hair. I explained the allergy to detergent and the need to use alternatives. She, being a HAIRDRESSERS daughter, wanted to know all about this. I happily started to talk about baking soda and acv. I didn't even get to finish my sentence before she interjected that it would eat my hair... like drano. That was after i was using bs and acv for 3 months. It's now been atleast 6 months and I still have a full head of hair. I no longer talk to this girl as she would not let me reason with her nor discuss the situation. We never became friends. oh, well. If she were my sister in law or something I would probably mame her on a regular basis. We just would not get along.

And that whole trimming your hair thing gets me all the time. Its so funny. I try the math reasoning example: If your hair grows 1/2 an inch a month and you trim off 2 inches every time you visit a hairdresser How long will it take to go from 12inches to bald? Assume you visit a hairdresser every 3 months. and people wonder why thier hair seems to get shorter and shorter as they get older and it just never seems to grow enough to be called "length". When they are in thier 20's. :rolleyes:

[Katurday]

I'm the type to keep a poker face while an idiot "lectures", then burst out hysterically laughing at the end and completely switch the subject.

[xoxophelia]

Even though he is directing his rude behavior at you just try to remember that his personality is only going to bring down his own life. You can't be the only person who notices it.

[Tia2010]

I started to say something at this point about his receeding hairline and how his hair must be jumping ship and committing hair-icide to get away from listening to him...but I chose the high road


Haha ...love that.

I think we all have a few of those people in our lives. They just seem to be experts on everything :rolleyes:. A.N.N.O.Y.I.N.G !!! I try to let it go in one ear and out the next but I do get a little peeved seeing that look of superiority they tend to give while handing out all their so called "advice".

[krissykins]

To be fair, several obese people have problems walking due to issues with their knees from all the weight, and I have seen people whose legs have actually bowed out as a result of their weight (although that's with morbidly obese)...
But I get what you're saying (^_~)

My favorite part of OP's story was how he thought hair only lasted a year before falling out. How fast does he think hair grows?

I know plenty of people like that as well. And your scalp does have to deal with the stress of having a thick, heavy head of hair (I'm dealing with not distributing the weight of my bun earlier right now). But that's not the reason why your hair falls out.

To the OP, kudos to you for not setting yourself up to be bashed by your in-laws. :flower:

[Pyvsi]

HAIR-ICIDE is my new favorite word. I'm going to start looking for excuses to use it now, incorrectly, out of context, I don't care. That word freakin' rocks.

"Uh, What Are You Doing? What - what! What are you doing? You're heat styling your hair -sans protection -for the eighth time this WEEK?! Oh Honey that's HAIRICIDE! Paging the Enablinator... (http://www.longhaircommunity.com/forums/showthread.php?t=65684&highlight=enablinator)"

Okay, sorry for the high jack. And yeah, clueless know-it-alls are highly ignorable. Except for when they're really, really funny.

[skaempfer]

Hmmm.

Well, I'm not a very tolerant person, so I just refuse to spend time with people who are consistently hateful, whether I'm related to them or not.

Do you ever do any writing? Get one of those T-shirts that says "I'm a writer. Be nice to me or I will put you in my novel and kill you." Then, bring a small notepad to every family gathering and take tons of accurate, specific notes. Be sure to smile and nod a lot. Say things like "is that right?." If you give these two enough rope, they will hang themselves. If you don't fancy writing a novel, you can start a blog called "Bother-in-law."

Good luck with it. I have an aunt like that that I haven't seen in 20 years. It's a shame, but when you try and try to have real conversations and everything is a one-sided attempt to pick a fight, it's a pointless waste of your energy. You have to find a way to turn the energy drain the other direction if your going to keep sitting down with these people.

[AmbrosiaShadows]

Oh, man... My sister is totally like that, only about other stuff. She first started out with reading a book called Fat(so?) which was about soceity needing to accept peopple as they come and not put so much emphasis on weight.

Then she got into the Pop Culture and Philosophy series and started soap-box-ing about 'what is normal?' and how our society is a horrible place to live in.

Then she discovered a site called Cracked.com which is all about fringe science and theology and philosphy.

The other day, she got on a rant about the new computer animated actress who looks just like a real human and you can't see the difference between real people and coversations with the animation. Her rant was on how the animation unsettled her because something was 'not right' about it. Mind you, this was after she had read half the article about the Uncanny Valley and how people will always know the difference between what is real and what is fake.

I asked her if she would have noticed this unsettling feeling and all these differences about the animation and a human if she had not read the article. She said yes because watching the clip of the animation unsettled her. She kept repeating that even though I said it only takes the words 'do you notice anything?' to make someone start looking for flaws or differences. And I had to point out again and again that her 'first time seeing it' was tainted by the first half of the article.

She kept insisting that she was right and left me pissed off the rest of the day.

[marzipanthecat]

And that whole trimming your hair thing gets me all the time. Its so funny. I try the math reasoning example: If your hair grows 1/2 an inch a month and you trim off 2 inches every time you visit a hairdresser How long will it take to go from 12inches to bald? Assume you visit a hairdresser every 3 months. and people wonder why thier hair seems to get shorter and shorter as they get older and it just never seems to grow enough to be called "length". When they are in thier 20's. :rolleyes:



Earlier this week I had a very nice chat with a lady on the checkout in a supermarket. She stared at my hair (I had it loose, which is fairly unusual for me) and said something along the lines of: "Your hair is amazing, how did you get it so long?!" and I gave my usual answer of "It sounds really obvious, but don't cut it." And then went into a bit more detail. Anyway, she was saying that every time she went to the hairdresser she lost about 5 inches of hair to a "trim", so I told her to stop going, and explained all that stuff about "Your hair grows so much faster if it cut it regularly" is a myth, and here's my hair to prove that, and she said "I thought so! It doesn't make sense!" - well, we can use a bit of logic to figure that one out.

Anyway, this is all my roundabout way of saying people are simply convinced what they have been told is TRUE, no matter how silly it seems, and often go out of their way to argue it.

[Athena's Owl]

I would have been laughing. Head down on the table, shoulders shaking, omg I need a tissue laughing, saying "oh no, keep going, this is awesome, I can't wait to share this with the other long haired ladies I know--the WEIGHT pull out hair? AHAHAHAHA oh god I can't BREATHE."

[krissykins]

I would have been laughing. Head down on the table, shoulders shaking, omg I need a tissue laughing, saying "oh no, keep going, this is awesome, I can't wait to share this with the other long haired ladies I know--the WEIGHT pull out hair? AHAHAHAHA oh god I can't BREATHE."

Oh yes, I'm sure the in-laws would love that, lol. But I like your react nonetheless! :lol:

[lapushka]

When I used to complain about things like this, my mom always said not to argue with someone like that, after all you're only going to get tired of arguing, and you're only going to make them smarter. Best to just smile, nod, and leave it at that. In her experience (and in mine) people like that will bait you with the uttermost nonsense, then use the (proper) information you gave them and --in a situation where they can-- take the credit. Besides your BIL probably knows you know a lot about hair, like you know a lot about those particular fish (you *are* from that region). Even though educated, I'm sure this guy knows his shortcomings and is probably baiting you into the truth and lots of good info, so he can show it off somewhere else.

[charalito]

Oh wow!
If it were me, I could not have kept my mouth shut about the hair-icide. It's just such a great comeback! :)

[xoxophelia]

I should probably be honest that I have had this happen to me a lot (character trait of a few people in my family). Once my brother, who isn't this way, brought a friend home from his uppity college and he began to seriously talk down to me in a rambling way that made absolutely no sense. I very bluntly said "I feel like you are talking down to me right now and I don't appreciate it at all."

That shut him up. Sometimes with these people you need to be direct. Don't get angry or upset over it for days.. just straight up say your own feelings and view of their actions.

[Katurday]

Oh, man... My sister is totally like that, only about other stuff. She first started out with reading a book called Fat(so?) which was about soceity needing to accept peopple as they come and not put so much emphasis on weight.

Then she got into the Pop Culture and Philosophy series and started soap-box-ing about 'what is normal?' and how our society is a horrible place to live in.

Then she discovered a site called Cracked.com which is all about fringe science and theology and philosphy.

The other day, she got on a rant about the new computer animated actress who looks just like a real human and you can't see the difference between real people and coversations with the animation. Her rant was on how the animation unsettled her because something was 'not right' about it. Mind you, this was after she had read half the article about the Uncanny Valley and how people will always know the difference between what is real and what is fake.

I asked her if she would have noticed this unsettling feeling and all these differences about the animation and a human if she had not read the article. She said yes because watching the clip of the animation unsettled her. She kept repeating that even though I said it only takes the words 'do you notice anything?' to make someone start looking for flaws or differences. And I had to point out again and again that her 'first time seeing it' was tainted by the first half of the article.

She kept insisting that she was right and left me pissed off the rest of the day.
Read that article - it was unsettling. I love Cracked, but you should really consider informing her that half their sources are misinformed - it is only a humor site. I still don't see anything wrong with your sister getting passionate about things after reading about them, I mean its not as if being heavy is easy, or the extreme emphasis or normal. Just because you disagree doesn't make her completely wrong, in these cases. On the other hand, the situation the OP was discussing was like arguing the moon was made of cheese.

[rusika1]

I have two favorite ways to respond in situations like this. (Well, three if you count biting my tongue and changing the subject VERY ABRUPTLY.)

1. The gentle mockery--" So, how are you enjoying life in your own little universe? Is it lonely there?" Bonus points if you can work the person's name in somehow--"So is it lonely in the Bobiverse?"

2. This is the method I use at work. The polite and sincere request for more information, in the form of reference citations. "Bob, that's very interesting, and I'd like to learn more about it. Please send me an email with links to your reference sources so I can read up on this. You have my email address, right? Let me give it to you again." (When it's a work related issue, I usually drop it at this point. Since it's family, you can take it a little further. Read on.)

Next time you see them, tell them you did an internet search, but you just didn't have any luck, blah blah blah. KEEP REMINDING them that you'd like to read that article/book/website about XYZ. When they bluster that they don't remember exactly where they got their information, let them know how disappointed you are since you'd told people about XYZ and they all wanted more info too.

With the second method, the know-it-all might catch on, but if you haven't argued and you haven't been rude, what can they say? "Stop humoring me!"? And if they don't catch on, at least you can entertain yourself by pretending you take them seriously.

I'd think BIL's hair comments warrant the mocking approach (honestly, does he really think hair follicles have brains? :rolleyes: ). FIL's fish comments probably need the 'I'd like to learn more' approach, because there's a remote chance he actually believes it. (Maybe he misunderstood something he heard once)

Anyway, just...try to keep a sense of humor about it. One of them is hard enough to deal with, but two? shudder:

[PhillyGirl1978@]

Oh man...don't get me started. I had a Dufus at my job, a dude, with short messy hair said something about "well you need to trim the split ends to get it to grow" mind you at this time my hair wash brushing hip length....so I said..."yes....and I obviously need advice from YOU on how to grow hair..."lol

[Rivanariko]

I love that the other hairs are going to refuse to grow because of the stressful environment I'm creating, LOL! Some people! You definitely have my respect for keeping your mouth shut, but I'm with Rusika. I like the "act incredibly interested and ask for more information" method. Sometimes I'll supplement it with "That's interesting because I read in (insert actual respected source) that it was this."

I, unfortunately, had a professor like this. He was the wrestling coach and taught Kinesiology and Biomechanics. Which, should have been my favorite class because I love crap like that, but spent an entire year arguing with him about... well, everything. The thing that really got my blood boiling were his comments on eating disorders... somehow I was wrong even when I brought in a stack of books citing the frequency of eating disorders in wrestlers, eating disorders never occur in men. Only women. We're the only ones that silly. :hatchet:

[AspenSong]

HAIR-ICIDE is my new favorite word. I'm going to start looking for excuses to use it now, incorrectly, out of context, I don't care. That word freakin' rocks.

"Uh, What Are You Doing? What - what! What are you doing? You're heat styling your hair -sans protection -for the eighth time this WEEK?! Oh Honey that's HAIRICIDE! Paging the Enablinator... (http://www.longhaircommunity.com/forums/showthread.php?t=65684&highlight=enablinator)"

Okay, sorry for the high jack. And yeah, clueless know-it-alls are highly ignorable. Except for when they're really, really funny.


lol...Well at least someone likes my made up words! lol. My husband gives me a hard time for making new ones like that up when I have no other word that fits. Teehee.

[AspenSong]

Hmmm.

Well, I'm not a very tolerant person, so I just refuse to spend time with people who are consistently hateful, whether I'm related to them or not.

Do you ever do any writing? Get one of those T-shirts that says "I'm a writer. Be nice to me or I will put you in my novel and kill you." Then, bring a small notepad to every family gathering and take tons of accurate, specific notes. Be sure to smile and nod a lot. Say things like "is that right?." If you give these two enough rope, they will hang themselves. If you don't fancy writing a novel, you can start a blog called "Bother-in-law.".


lmao...That's classic. You guys rock... ;) I do write, so that would be hilarious. :eyebrows:

[AspenSong]

And that whole trimming your hair thing gets me all the time. Its so funny. I try the math reasoning example: If your hair grows 1/2 an inch a month and you trim off 2 inches every time you visit a hairdresser How long will it take to go from 12inches to bald? Assume you visit a hairdresser every 3 months. and people wonder why thier hair seems to get shorter and shorter as they get older and it just never seems to grow enough to be called "length". When they are in thier 20's. :rolleyes:

I love that too - I grew up with my mothers hairdresser friend telling me I really had to stop refusing haircuts, that hair needs to be trimmed 1/2" every 6 weeks. lol. Ooooooookay. Somehow, people listen to that and then when they see someone with long hair they think you have some kind of science fiction hair growth gene, because they can't get theirs to grow out.

[AnnaJamila]

I have no idea what he thinks of where his "logic" is coming from. I mean if you go off what he's saying, I guess all of us on this site should be bald or sitting around with 12 waist length long hairs because all the others fell out from "stress". lol

OhMyGoodness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I laughed so hard when I read this!!!!

Kudos to you for being graceful, poised and overlooking their nastiness. The highroad is sometimes less... fun shall we say? But it does tend to make life easier for those on it!

[AspenSong]

I should probably be honest that I have had this happen to me a lot (character trait of a few people in my family). Once my brother, who isn't this way, brought a friend home from his uppity college and he began to seriously talk down to me in a rambling way that made absolutely no sense. I very bluntly said "I feel like you are talking down to me right now and I don't appreciate it at all."

That shut him up. Sometimes with these people you need to be direct. Don't get angry or upset over it for days.. just straight up say your own feelings and view of their actions.

I have done this with him. It just ticked him off and made him worse. It's like poking a really pretentious bear. At this point, I just try not to get mad and remember that's just how he and his dad are. *shrug*

[AspenSong]

I have two favorite ways to respond in situations like this. (Well, three if you count biting my tongue and changing the subject VERY ABRUPTLY.)

1. The gentle mockery--" So, how are you enjoying life in your own little universe? Is it lonely there?" Bonus points if you can work the person's name in somehow--"So is it lonely in the Bobiverse?"

2. This is the method I use at work. The polite and sincere request for more information, in the form of reference citations. "Bob, that's very interesting, and I'd like to learn more about it. Please send me an email with links to your reference sources so I can read up on this. You have my email address, right? Let me give it to you again." (When it's a work related issue, I usually drop it at this point. Since it's family, you can take it a little further. Read on.)

Next time you see them, tell them you did an internet search, but you just didn't have any luck, blah blah blah. KEEP REMINDING them that you'd like to read that article/book/website about XYZ. When they bluster that they don't remember exactly where they got their information, let them know how disappointed you are since you'd told people about XYZ and they all wanted more info too.

With the second method, the know-it-all might catch on, but if you haven't argued and you haven't been rude, what can they say? "Stop humoring me!"? And if they don't catch on, at least you can entertain yourself by pretending you take them seriously.

I'd think BIL's hair comments warrant the mocking approach (honestly, does he really think hair follicles have brains? :rolleyes: ). FIL's fish comments probably need the 'I'd like to learn more' approach, because there's a remote chance he actually believes it. (Maybe he misunderstood something he heard once)

Anyway, just...try to keep a sense of humor about it. One of them is hard enough to deal with, but two? shudder:

See, the issue is....I can't win with them and it's more than just FIL and BIL - FIL's side of the family, is worse than the other two and LOT more vocal about it. And sadly, they all live within about 15 miles of one another, so I have dealt with it all a lot. =P

I've tried the mocking thing....oh Heavens, that does NOT work with them!! I grew up in a very jokey, teasing home. So when I did that at the beginning, 4 years ago, it was no well received. lol. They do not like to feel like you could be giggling at them. It's a very serious thing and starts drag out fights. No lie.
The acting interested. I usually try to do that. Or keep my mouth shut.
No matter what I do, it's a no win for me being married into a family who thinks hubby married a huge nut. haha. He did.... :D
His Dad's side are all these cultured, wannabe highbrow people. Very city. Very Snobbish. Very Fake.
Me, I'm from the country, I'm a nature loving, raccoon hugging, herbal remedy and natural food making, wine cooler drinking, Bob Ross watching, Cuckoo. ;)

[hazelnut]

My grandmother is like that. She thinks that because she's older and has "lived through it all" that I automatically know nothing about anything. It makes me feel like crap, not that she cares.:rolleyes: When she tries to school me about hair (a subject that I tend to know a lot about because I gain a lot of knowledge from the lovely people on this site and through books and other sources of information) I just nod my head and act like I'm listening. I don't want to be disrespectful, but it just gets annoying sometimes.

[Aurantia]

Hmmm.
Do you ever do any writing? Get one of those T-shirts that says "I'm a writer. Be nice to me or I will put you in my novel and kill you." Then, bring a small notepad to every family gathering and take tons of accurate, specific notes. Be sure to smile and nod a lot. Say things like "is that right?." If you give these two enough rope, they will hang themselves. If you don't fancy writing a novel, you can start a blog called "Bother-in-law."


lmao...That's classic. You guys rock... ;) I do write, so that would be hilarious. :eyebrows:

AspenSong, PLEASE start that blog! It will turn torturous moments and conversations into delectable blogging material. I would read that blog all the time, howling at every entry.

You should seriously consider this outlet!

[AspenSong]

AspenSong, PLEASE start that blog! It will turn torturous moments and conversations into delectable blogging material. I would read that blog all the time, howling at every entry.

You should seriously consider this outlet!


lol. I probably should. The whole side of that family would be lovely material. I'd have to be stealthy about it though...haha.
I wonder though, is it horribly mean to think of writing a blog about the insanity of your in-laws? ha

[lillyofthecelts]

I have seen many older ladies with very long hair, including my mother. What is interesting is that if they are going gray, or white, you can see the gradation of color change if they have natural hair color. For example, my mother had naturally black hair that went gray. The ends of her BSL hair are black, and it is colored more and more gray as you get closer to her scalp. She has had this same color gradation for many many years now, which proves the "hair falling out" theory of his wrong I think.

[Vanessa Arthur]

Hair grows in cycles and falls out after several months, only he doesn't notice his cycle cus what hair has he got? Pff, duuh to him.

[skaempfer]

lol. I probably should. The whole side of that family would be lovely material. I'd have to be stealthy about it though...haha.
I wonder though, is it horribly mean to think of writing a blog about the insanity of your in-laws? ha

Why should it be? If the blog is anonymous it won't be linked to them and will help you let off steam. How would they find out? I wouldn't even hesitate, honestly. Considering the abuse you're putting up with, they're getting off lightly. They won't even know they are being roasted and neither will anyone but you.

None of my business, but what does DH say when they start smacking you down?

[AspenSong]

Why should it be? If the blog is anonymous it won't be linked to them and will help you let off steam. How would they find out? I wouldn't even hesitate, honestly. Considering the abuse you're putting up with, they're getting off lightly. They won't even know they are being roasted and neither will anyone but you.

None of my business, but what does DH say when they start smacking you down?

Usually hubby isn't in the room...But when he is he just tries to stop it as peacefully as he can at the moment - it frustrates him. It also upsets him because they often treat him pretty similarly. He's had several talks with his Dad and Brother privately about this stuff, and had his Mom on his side fighting my case and how they're acting. It just doesn't change. Never will. I mean, his Dad is also the same person who a month or so after my Dad passed away, took my hubby out for a "talk" because he was concerned with the kind of person I was because I didn't have a job and I wasn't keeping the house "up to standard" and I seemed to be getting "fatter" - and he was fine with me not having a job, but if I didn't there was no reason for the house not to be clean and for me to be gaining weight. Yeah. All this, right after having to deal with losing my Dad. I could have slapped him for that. And it just made it worse on me in the end because now, my mourning was under a friggin' microscope too!!

Argh. Anyway. That blog is sounding better and better. lol

[Nae]

It would be entertaining, I love your writing style and the sense of humor that comes through when you write. It would provide an outlet for you to blow off some steam. You could just put all psuedo-names and say that no in-laws were harmed in the typing of this blog or some other disclaimer lol.

[lapushka]

Usually hubby isn't in the room...But when he is he just tries to stop it as peacefully as he can at the moment - it frustrates him. It also upsets him because they often treat him pretty similarly. He's had several talks with his Dad and Brother privately about this stuff, and had his Mom on his side fighting my case and how they're acting. It just doesn't change. Never will. I mean, his Dad is also the same person who a month or so after my Dad passed away, took my hubby out for a "talk" because he was concerned with the kind of person I was because I didn't have a job and I wasn't keeping the house "up to standard" and I seemed to be getting "fatter" - and he was fine with me not having a job, but if I didn't there was no reason for the house not to be clean and for me to be gaining weight. Yeah. All this, right after having to deal with losing my Dad. I could have slapped him for that. And it just made it worse on me in the end because now, my mourning was under a friggin' microscope too!!

At least DH is fending for you, but it doesn't make it any less unpleasant. Your FIL sounds like a horrible person, saying things like that to your DH not long after your dad passed away. Your weight? Your home and your marriage? It's none of his damn business! Your BIL and FIL sound like team let's try breaking up the marriage.


Argh. Anyway. That blog is sounding better and better. lol

I say go for it. It's going to be liberating! :D

[AspenSong]

It would be entertaining, I love your writing style and the sense of humor that comes through when you write. It would provide an outlet for you to blow off some steam. You could just put all psuedo-names and say that no in-laws were harmed in the typing of this blog or some other disclaimer lol.

Haha, No in laws harmed...too cute!! If I do it, I'm totally stealing that line!

[AspenSong]

At least DH is fending for you, but it doesn't make it any less unpleasant. Your FIL sounds like a horrible person, saying things like that to your DH not long after your dad passed away. Your weight? Your home and your marriage? It's none of his damn business! Your BIL and FIL sound like team let's try breaking up the marriage.



I say go for it. It's going to be liberating! :D

I've actually wondered that very thing about FIL. I can honestly say, BIL I don't believe in my heart to be going that far. I think in general with any people, he's just very "uppity" at times. I do know that despite the bad, BIL does have a good heart deep in there. So I let it slide a bit with him.
However the idea of FIL trying to break us up, has come up more than once and hubby and I have discussed it. While he's not close to his dad, it's still his dad so it's hard for him to grasp the idea but he knows it might not be too far fetched. I personally look at the amount of times he's tried to put it as it was me against the "family" and blah blah blah, and I see it. Sadly, one thing my Dad mentioned to me right after we got married was, after having been around FIL, he told me to watch out please because he felt like at some point FIL was going to try to wedge us apart. And I've gotten the same observation from my brother and grandmother in the last couple years. So it's there. But, I've talked to hubby and his attitude is, if his dad is doing that he can go *bleep* himself because I'm his wife and I'm not going anywhere.
So that's good to know! lol

[Delila]

...
Anyway, this is all my roundabout way of saying people are simply convinced what they have been told is TRUE, no matter how silly it seems, and often go out of their way to argue it.

This is so true!

Latch on to a belief, and never let go. :rolleyes:

[Nae]

Haha, No in laws harmed...too cute!! If I do it, I'm totally stealing that line!

You are more than welcome to it!! ;)

[Rapunzelwannabe]

The polite and sincere request for more information, in the form of reference citations. "Bob, that's very interesting, and I'd like to learn more about it. Please send me an email with links to your reference sources so I can read up on this.

Next time you see them, tell them you did an internet search, but you just didn't have any luck, blah blah blah. KEEP REMINDING them that you'd like to read that article/book/website about XYZ. When they bluster that they don't remember exactly where they got their information, let them know how disappointed you are since you'd told people about XYZ and they all wanted more info too.

That's where I always go with people like that. Because often I ask where they got their information they can't tell me, and if you approach it like "I'm always interested in learning more about [subject they have no clue on]" then it's in no way rude, and you can flaunt their ignorance when they have inaccurate or nonexistant sources!

[gthlvrmx]

Oh lawd, i just nod and smile and walk away. :) I love my hair too much to argue about it. When the hair journey began, the clashing came with all of my family i swear, people were calling me a girl here and there.

[ScarlettAdelle]

If he's been to college then he should know about citing his references. Ask him to. I bet he can't.

[BusyBeeMommy]

I know exactly what you mean. My sister and BIL are just like that. They tried to convince me that I couldn't put my son in a bath as a baby because his muscles weren't developed and he would suck water up his back end. Seriously. They were dead serious. I still laugh to this day.

I agree that the only thing to do with these kind of people is let them believe what they will in their own worlds of oblivion.

[HintOfMint]

I'm afraid I can't offer much advice that hasn't already been said here but, if you'll forgive me for saying so, your FIL and BIL sound like schmucks. Keep your head up you "nature loving, raccoon hugging, herbal remedy and natural food making, wine cooler drinking, Bob Ross watching, Cuckoo." You sound darling :-)