View Full Version : I'm sorry but....

February 6th, 2011, 08:34 AM
Hi all,

This is depressing so I'll understand if you skip this thread.

I am in tears about my hair. I have a lot of horrible things going on in my life right now, so my hair was a sort of therapy for me, to get my mind off things.

Now I'm not sure anymore.
I'm not going into big details, but basically I have been likened (sp?) physically to the woman my father has had and probably is still having, an affair with.
She has naturally straight long dark hair at bra-strap length, she had it to hip until recently.
My hair has straightened a lot over the past 2 years naturally, to a wavier 1c, almost 2a, but often it looks very straight.
Naturally I am sensitive about this, I do not look very much like her at all, she is plump and I'm petite, she has buck teeth and mine are normal, but there is a slight resemblance otherwise. I despise being told my hair is like hers.

I had a big argument today with a close family member who insists I have naturally straight hair hair and that I just braid it to make it wavy so that I can say it's wavy. That's not true, my hair looks like slight braidwaves naturally anyway.

Ok so pointless rambling aside, I feel awful about this, and am fiercely loyal to my mom, so I don't want to remind her about that woman with my hair, even though she says I don't, this is always at the back of my mind.

I feel like just grabbing my scissors and hacking it off, then getting a hairdresser to tidy it up tomorrow.

Sorry LHC.

February 6th, 2011, 08:43 AM
I am sorry you feel bad. Don't let other people's bad behavior and bad decisions influence your hair decisions if you can help it.

My mom said the same thing about my waves being braid waves because she has it fixed in her mind that my hair is straight. I didn't argue with her, though. She hasn't been here to see it dry into waves if I leave it untouched.

February 6th, 2011, 08:49 AM

I have already broken a lot of hairs from ripping my comb very hard through it an hour ago anyway, so might as well cut it off.

February 6th, 2011, 08:49 AM
Don't cut it, you'll regret it! Maybe wear it up so you don't have to see/think about it for a while? Cutting your hair whilst emotionally out of sorts is the WORST thing to do, trust me, I've done it many times and ALWAYS regretted it :(


February 6th, 2011, 09:00 AM
It's awful that you feel pressured to change your hair just because it reminds people of someone who has harmed your family. :( It's not your fault that you have one characteristic in common with her. If your hair makes you happy, I don't think you should have to change it. If I were you, I would tell anyone who compared us that I did not wish to be compared to her in any way, because my choices on how to wear my hair had nothing to do with her.

February 6th, 2011, 09:02 AM

I have already broken a lot of hairs from ripping my comb very hard through it an hour ago anyway, so might as well cut it off.

Don't cut!!!!!! Ask yourself this question. Will cutting my hair make everything ok? No!!!! It won't. Your not responsible for your parents problems. I think you'll feel worse in the long run. I understand your loyalty to your Mom. I'm fiercely loyal to mine as well. If your Mom says it doesn't bother her than you have to believe her.

February 6th, 2011, 09:02 AM
Don't let this other woman make you feel bad about YOU. She has nothing to do with you, and you have the right to be who you are and look the way you do. I also second that you should not make drastic changes to you hair when you are feeling very upset. I know it seems like changing something visible is going to help, when you can't really change much about the situation. What you CAN change is the way you see things and yourself. Hugs to you!!!

February 6th, 2011, 09:08 AM
Its your own hair, everyone's hair is unique.

Your hair is beautiful, i looked through your pictures. Don't cut them, in a moment of folly it is easy to do things in a rash, but for your hair to grow back to the length you have achieved, it will definitely takes time, much more than a moment of folly. Will you be okay with that?

February 6th, 2011, 09:12 AM
Why do you punish YOUR hair because of HER hair?

You are not her and your mother does know the difference between her daughter and her husbands "other woman".

Please re-think what you are doing.

February 6th, 2011, 09:12 AM
Yes, go ahead. Let her take away one more thing from you.

February 6th, 2011, 09:15 AM
Instead of cutting, why don't you color it (I use Henna)?

February 6th, 2011, 09:16 AM

You're right, I feel a bit better now after thinking rationally about it. It just gets a bit much sometimes, because being compared to that disgusting woman is far worse than the usual long hair criticisms people give.

I have hacked off my hair before in distress, and regretted it so I should know better.

At the very worst, I will do the 2 week rule and see if I still want to cut then.

Thanks for your concern everyone :grouphug:

February 6th, 2011, 09:17 AM
Your hair is gorgeous and should be a source of confidence and happiness!
Please don't let this woman drag you down, she doesn't sound worth it!

February 6th, 2011, 09:17 AM
Say that despite the pleadings from everyone you cut it. Let's just say that you happen to like it and you don't regret the decision. Then you find out that this woman also cut her hair in a similar style. What will you do then? Cut it shorter?

My advice is try some benign neglect, especially since you mentioned ripping a brush through it. Experiment with some new updos and remember why it was that you started to grow out your hair.

February 6th, 2011, 09:27 AM
Grow your hair longer than hers.

February 6th, 2011, 09:29 AM
I think you are displacing your anger at your father on this woman and in effect your hair. The woman he went to is not the one that broke your mother's trust and her heart. What she did was wrong but the one who betrayed you and your mother wasn't her.

If you realize the root of your feelings you may be able to deal with them in a way more real than by dealing with them through your hair which only feels like a change or a way to deal (but isn't).

February 6th, 2011, 09:30 AM
Grow your hair longer than hers.

Thanks Spidermom, your comments always make me smile :)

I am feeling better and more rational now, and have posted another thread after this.

February 6th, 2011, 09:31 AM
You are not that woman. You know you are not that woman. You would never do that to another woman. Please don't let your one escape be the outlet for this. Talk to someone about how you're feeling.

:grouphug: I'm rooting for you.

February 6th, 2011, 09:37 AM
Change your hair because the woman you despise has the same type? Why not change gender either, eh? She's female, too :D
Seriously, you're over-reacting. You can't control other people but don't let them (or rather what you think of them) control your own life.