Complimenting amazing hair

[Halloran]

Hello everyone,
I was at an annual business summit meeting in Tennessee last week and a lady caught my eye due to her absolutely amazing long, incredibly thick, wavy red hair, which was a little longer than hip length. The sheer volume was astounding. She had two locks draped over her chest, each about as thick as an average head of hair, and then this massive cloak that seemed to be endlessly deep hanging down her back.

I've never approached a stranger before, but I felt like I had to at least let her know someone appreciated what she had going on there. I eventually did work up the courage to stammer out a few compliments at a bar we had all gone to after our meetings were over.

She graciously thanked me in return. Realizing how hard my heart was beating suddenly (I was more nervous then than I get when I present to a group of hundreds of strangers), I decided to leave her alone before I made too big a fool of myself or creeped her out somehow. I was so worried about all that, that I forgot to even introduce myself, ask her name or what her job was (being a business event, introductions are expected). What an angel though. Here's hoping I at least kept her motivated to keep the faith.

If she's a member here and reads this, I'm sorry if I startled you or anything! Like I said, I've never done anything like that before.

[squiggyflop]

um hi, welcome to lhc.. usually here we like to introduce ourselves and state our hair goals first..

i compliment strangers all the time, it gets easier with practice..

and we usually state how long our starting length is, for instance my hair started at pixy, my goal is classic, and i am 4 inches away

[IcarusBride]

um hi, welcome to lhc.. usually here we like to introduce ourselves and state our hair goals first..

i compliment strangers all the time, it gets easier with practice..

and we usually state how long our starting length is, for instance my hair started at pixy, my goal is classic, and i am 4 inches away

Squiggyflop, just so you know, this comment sounds a little offensive. I know you didn't mean it that way!


To OP- I think anyone will be happy to receive a compliment! It's okay if you sound a little awkward, the person will be very happy to hear you say something nice to them.

[squiggyflop]

sorry, i didnt mean it to be offensive.. i was just a little confused by his post, since its the first post he has made, and there wasnt a question in it so i wasnt sure what i was supposed to be saying.. but i wanted to respond because he is so new i wanted him to feel welcomed.. ive never been good with words have i?

[spidermom]

I think your comment was fine squiggyflop. People usually appreciate tips on how to fit into a group they've decided to join.

I don't go out of my way to compliment someone, but if the person I've noticed and I happen to be in the same space I will definitely say something like "your hair looks great! I like the length."

[Arniky]

depends on the situation, if the person is comfotable with it complimenting is okay

[chopandchange]

I agree that there is nothing offensive with what Squiggyflop said.

I find the OP's post a little creepy, considering it's their first. :confused:

[jesis]

Squiggyflop, just so you know, this comment sounds a little offensive. I know you didn't mean it that way!


To OP- I think anyone will be happy to receive a compliment! It's okay if you sound a little awkward, the person will be very happy to hear you say something nice to them.

I agree with you, I thought it was just a tad offensive. If that had been my first post and someone said this to me, I wouldn't have came back. I know you didn't mean it that way, but how do we know that she wasn't just browsing through the LHC for months? I often only browse without posting.



I agree that there is nothing offensive with what Squiggyflop said.

I find the OP's post a little creepy, considering it's their first. :confused:

To me, it just sounded like she wanted to do what I see many others doing on this forum, calling out when they have a "long hair sighting".

[bumblebums]

Maybe I'm in the minority here, but I don't like receiving compliments on my appearance even from people I know in a professional setting. My reaction is, I am not the bride or the birthday girl here, so can we please just focus on what's in my head and not on it? It would never occur to me to make comments about my male colleagues' ties, socks, combovers, or whatever else they are wearing on their person. I wish they would stick to complimenting their wives or whoever and keep it strictly business at work.

[Eboshi]

The original poster is a male and has been on this site since July 2010 without making any other posts.

Call me squicked out as well considering this is a first post and the overly effusive language that is used. I had to go back twice and look at the beginning to see if I missed the words: Dear Penthouse ......

Like I said, I've never done anything like that before.
Um, yeah.

[squiggyflop]

I agree with you, I thought it was just a tad offensive. If that had been my first post and someone said this to me, I wouldn't have came back. I know you didn't mean it that way, but how do we know that she wasn't just browsing through the LHC for months? I often only browse without posting.




To me, it just sounded like she wanted to do what I see many others doing on this forum, calling out when they have a "long hair sighting".

yeah i did come off a little blunt.. and he is male, check his profile.. i really didnt mean to be blunt, im just nosy when people get here, i always really want to know hairtypes and stuff.. a nosy nosy woman i am..

eboshi, i :heartbeat: you

[bumblebums]

I agree with you, I thought it was just a tad offensive. If that had been my first post and someone said this to me, I wouldn't have came back. I know you didn't mean it that way, but how do we know that she wasn't just browsing through the LHC for months? I often only browse without posting.




To me, it just sounded like she wanted to do what I see many others doing on this forum, calling out when they have a "long hair sighting".

If by "she" you mean the OP, it is perhaps worth highlighting that he is a he. I think there is nothing inappropriate about asking a new poster to provide some additional details about himself for us to know him better, especially since the profile is very incomplete and ambiguous. And while we are on meta-analyzing people's posts, there isn't a question in the original post, but there is a kind of slight hope of perhaps reaching the mysterious stranger who received the compliment. Which some might say is bordering on inappropriate for a first post on a forum of this type.

[jesis]

Well maybe I should have put s/he then. So sorry. Or I could have put "them" "it" etc...

I'm just saying, as someone who is new here, I would have been put off of this community by a comment like that. :\ It would have hurt my feelings. I didn't bother going through their profile.

I do understand now where you are coming from since he is a male. I thought you guys were just lashing out at another member since no one had said anything about it. :) Sorry!

[Halloran]

It seems my post raised a lot of concerns. I guess I just wanted to share the experience and maybe get feedback from this group on whether or not that sort of thing is appreciated.

I should first state that the descriptions I wrote above are nowhere near the level of detail I went into with the woman. That would have been really weird, especially in a work related environment. I basically said she had wonderful hair and then told her to have a nice evening. Looking back, maybe I should have kept it simple in the post, but I wanted to convey detail and got carried away.

I am a male in my early 30's with your average short male hairstyle, nothing worth noting here. I'm very happily married and want no romantic engagement from that woman or any other woman who isn't my wife. The romantic compliments all go to her. I just wanted to offer the woman I met a platonic compliment and pass on the good will to your community. I got flustered doing it. The last part was more just covering my bases in case that person is a member here. I don't want to reach out to her.

I created my profile based on a similar experience last summer where I neglected to compliment another person I met in a similar situation. I found this site and considered asking this community whether or not I should have said something, and if so how I should put it in order not to create... well, I guess the whole situation here. I decided not to post though since I was intimidated by the level of familiarity everyone seems to have and didn't want to intrude on it. Having actually made a compliment I suddenly remembered this site and figured I'd share the experience.

I'm truly sorry that my post offended some and raised red flags for others. This here was a learning experience for me. It seems there's a level of suspicion and scar tissue, probably with good cause, towards the outsiders of what appears to be a very familiar, tight knit group. I'll show myself out.

[triumphator!]

What an incredibly well mannered response! I hope you dont have any bad feelings.... If you (or your wife!) decide to grow it out, don't hesitate to hang out here! :)

[Cailie]

The reaction to your post is in part - I think - because there are many bad-faith/p*rvs/weird people/fet*ch*sts of long-hair on the web. As a long hair forum, we are very cautious (and serious) about this. I hope you can understand and don't take it personnaly if you are here with good intentions !

About your story, the woman might have been surprised and shy, or didn't know how to respond, but if it was a quick comment and you left right away, I wouldn't worry about it. It might have been much more ackward if you had stayed to chat ... :) It's always nice to have compliments, if it's only a quick compliment and not an invasive flirting approach.

[EdG]

Hello Halloran!
Sorry that your first post wasn't well received.

LHC is about people growing their own long hair. There is a healthy suspicion towards new members (especially men) because a site full of long-haired women tends to attract unwanted attention. People who have long hair, or are growing long hair, are welcome here, both men and women.

If you ever decide to grow your hair long, this is the place to be. :)
Ed

[squiggyflop]

no need to show yourself out, we have that level of familiarity you describe but we all were new at some point.. its just a little odd to have that as your first post.. post a little more and soon you will be part of the party.. lol when i was new here i was badly picked on.. but i kept posting and everything turned out fine..

so if you wanna grow out your hair, dont leave so quickly.. its natural for us to be curious of a new person..

if you still feel like leaving, go ahead and just stop posting, you can always come back later.. if you want to..

[Beatnik Guy]

FWIW, complimenting gets easier. The first time is the hardest.

[GRU]

I had two little old ladies chase me down at my son's hockey game today. (Well, "chase me down" is a bit of a misnomer... I stopped walking to have a chat with the coach's wife, and they caught up to me.) One of them tapped me on the shoulder and said, "You have beautiful hair, just lovely!" and the other one was smiling and nodding her head enthusiastically.

Having naturally curly, strawberry-blonde hair, I've been getting these comments for the past 25+ years. I must say, however, that I've gotten a LOT better about receiving them graciously since becoming a member here at LHC.

In my pre-LHC life, I would tend to deflect the compliment, half out of discomfort and half out of my own exasperation with my hair (those who don't have curly hair really don't get how totally frustrating it can be to have what feels like an independent sentient being living on your scalp!). My standard response was usually along the lines of, "Would you like it? You're welcome to have it!"

But since joining LHC, I've *finally* come to terms with my hair's texture and stubborn personality, and I've also developed an understanding of how very much effort it takes for some people to approach an absolute stranger for the purposes of delivering a hair compliment. These days, I'm more inclined to smile broadly and simply say, "Thank you! How sweet of you to say so!" :)

[Kaya]

Welcome to LHC! :waving:
Now, I'm a rather new member myself, and I suppose I might be a little naive to some of the hardcore beliefs around here. I am aware that there are those weird and unpleasant people out there. But I was a little flumoxed at the response to this post. I read the original and simply saw someone who admired a long hair and wanted to give her a simple compliment and was a little nervous about how to do so without coming across as one of those people described above. I didn't automatically think, "oh, this person is creepy or messed up."
And reading his second posting, he seems like a very polite, respectful person who simply wanted to share a beautiful hair sighting with a community that is supposed to appreciate such things. Instead, it seems like we are being a bit rude and nitpicky.
But that is just my opinion, and if anyone wants to scold me for accepting people too easily that's fine. I like to see the good in people more often than not. It has gotten me into trouble in the past, but that is just who I am. :flower:
By the way, that woman's hair sounds absolutely stunning! I've always thought red hair is lovely. I would have been shy about complimenting her too.

[Maddy_T]

Welcome to LHC! :waving:
Now, I'm a rather new member myself, and I suppose I might be a little naive to some of the hardcore beliefs around here. I am aware that there are those weird and unpleasant people out there. But I was a little flumoxed at the response to this post. I read the original and simply saw someone who admired a long hair and wanted to give her a simple compliment and was a little nervous about how to do so without coming across as one of those people described above. I didn't automatically think, "oh, this person is creepy or messed up."
And reading his second posting, he seems like a very polite, respectful person who simply wanted to share a beautiful hair sighting with a community that is supposed to appreciate such things. Instead, it seems like we are being a bit rude and nitpicky.
But that is just my opinion, and if anyone wants to scold me for accepting people too easily that's fine. I like to see the good in people more often than not. It has gotten me into trouble in the past, but that is just who I am. :flower:
By the way, that woman's hair sounds absolutely stunning! I've always thought red hair is lovely. I would have been shy about complimenting her too.
COMPLETELY agree!. :)

[jaine]

Welcome to LHC! :waving:
Now, I'm a rather new member myself, and I suppose I might be a little naive to some of the hardcore beliefs around here. I am aware that there are those weird and unpleasant people out there. But I was a little flumoxed at the response to this post. I read the original and simply saw someone who admired a long hair and wanted to give her a simple compliment and was a little nervous about how to do so without coming across as one of those people described above. I didn't automatically think, "oh, this person is creepy or messed up."
And reading his second posting, he seems like a very polite, respectful person who simply wanted to share a beautiful hair sighting with a community that is supposed to appreciate such things. Instead, it seems like we are being a bit rude and nitpicky.
But that is just my opinion, and if anyone wants to scold me for accepting people too easily that's fine. I like to see the good in people more often than not. It has gotten me into trouble in the past, but that is just who I am. :flower:
By the way, that woman's hair sounds absolutely stunning! I've always thought red hair is lovely. I would have been shy about complimenting her too.

Same here ... it doesn't seem creepy at all to me.

[chopandchange]

I'm truly sorry that my post offended some and raised red flags for others. This here was a learning experience for me. It seems there's a level of suspicion and scar tissue, probably with good cause, towards the outsiders of what appears to be a very familiar, tight knit group.

It's not suspicion towards "outsiders" or new members per se. It's just wariness of people who may have an, em, fet*is* for long hair, because we don't want them on here. Such is the wariness that, as I was reminded by someone today, the word fet*is* has to be written with asterisks in it!

If you are not a f*ti** then I am sorry if you felt offended by the responses you received, and that we didn't seem welcoming. It's just that, in this forum, it's normal practice to introduce oneself first in the Newbie section.

The people who are new and who are commenting saying "well, I didn't see anything wrong with that post" will soon get used to the way things work around here and will doubtless understand!

[jaine]

The people who are new and who are commenting saying "well, I didn't see anything wrong with that post" will soon get used to the way things work around here

I don't think it has anything to do with being "new" or not; some members took offense to his post and others didn't. :shrug:

[Maddy_T]

I don't think it has anything to do with being "new" or not; some members took offense to his post and others didn't. :shrug:
^^ yeah!

'the way things work around here?'

There's no reason to treat anyone like a suspect/pervert/long hair ******er unless given reason to. New or not that'll always be my motto!.

[ladyjo]

I read this post/thread and almost didn't register because the first reply seemed incredibly rude to me and it scared me, I thought 'Is this what the members here are really like?'. I was scared of becoming a newbie if this is the way I was going to be treated.

I thought the post was lovely and genuine, not the least bit creepy.. Everyone was a newbie once, it's daunting joining a huge site like this full of knowledgeable people. I think it's important to keep that in mind when replying to newbie posts and questions. Just because your hair knowledge is vast doesn't give you the right to judge people just starting out on their hair journey, it's just ignorant. I hope I don't sound mean, I just wanted to give my thoughts as a newbie myself, if I'd been the person who posted the story I doubt very much I'd have visited this site again after getting a reply like that. Most people here seem really really nice from all the posts I've been reading so I'm sure this is a rarity.

Sorry for rambling on, and sorry if I've come across as mean or offensive (said the paranoid girl) >.<

[squiggyflop]

I read this post/thread and almost didn't register because the first reply seemed incredibly rude to me and it scared me, I thought 'Is this what the members here are really like?'. I was scared of becoming a newbie if this is the way I was going to be treated.

I thought the post was lovely and genuine, not the least bit creepy.. Everyone was a newbie once, it's daunting joining a huge site like this full of knowledgeable people. I think it's important to keep that in mind when replying to newbie posts and questions. Just because your hair knowledge is vast doesn't give you the right to judge people just starting out on their hair journey, it's just ignorant. I hope I don't sound mean, I just wanted to give my thoughts as a newbie myself, if I'd been the person who posted the story I doubt very much I'd have visited this site again after getting a reply like that. Most people here seem really really nice from all the posts I've been reading so I'm sure this is a rarity.

Sorry for rambling on, and sorry if I've come across as mean or offensive (said the paranoid girl) >.<
its not my hair knowledge that makes me and others suspicious. i was a little suspicious, i will admit that.. my reasons? unlike you, this person

is male, sadly a lot of the new males are p*rvs. and yes, when i read a newbs posts i automatically check out their profile (its a good way to figure out common interests and scout out future friends) so i found that he was male there..

now just being a man isnt enough to sound even a tiny alarm but it is a piece of a puzzle.. this man did not make a profile the way a person normally would after hanging around the site for months.

there are no goals listed, that combined with him being male made me both suspicious and curious.. curious because if he was an aspiring long hair i wanted to know what his goals were and if we had similar hairtypes (always good to keep a list of hair twins available because you can look at pictures and get ideas for styling options, and also hair products that work well on your hair twin will often work out for you).. i was suspicious because well frankly in the past when a man has come on this site without goals who just comes to talk about giving complements they have been p*rvs who were very quickly banned..

now, then i looked at the phrasing of his post.. well there is another LHC, and i joined not knowing better.. and this was a very common type of post.. and many of the men on that LHC are NOT the kind of people welcome around here.. for instance they have a dirty hair story section, i canceled my membership after reading a story about a man in an elevator with a poor unsuspecting woman.. and her.. her... braid tassle.. and people commented positively on the story of the assault of this womans hair.. and it was hinted that it might have been a true story.. it was so horrible i practically ran screaming away from that forum like how i run from zombies in my dreams... so um yeah.. because i felt that the story reminded me of the posts there i may have overreacted.. ive been scared of joining other hair sites since.. and so i guess im a little too vigilant..

you ladyjo have only been here a few days, and you have made a nice profile.. listed hair goals shown what your hair looks like.. all sorts of green flags (opposite of red is green on the color wheel).. you are fine dont worry.. :) and welcome to LHC hopefully no one will scare you off

[Kaya]

The people who are new and who are commenting saying "well, I didn't see anything wrong with that post" will soon get used to the way things work around here and will doubtless understand!

I consider myself new, but fairly well-educated about the types of people who have less-than-innocent intentions here.
But the more I mulled over this posting, I started to feel sad and upset. :( The whole "get used to the way things work around here" gives me the impression that this community has some sort of method of judging new member posts based on set rules or something. So this person is a male, who doesn't have much in his profile yet and didn't present the 'required' information on his first post and yet we seem to be automatically assuming he is some creepy freak. I'm not saying everyone, obviously, but I think it is rather rude to expect certain things from new member's posts and profiles. I sure as heck didn't know what to do when I first posted, and in all honesty, I don't necessarily want to post a whole lot of information under my profile. Mostly cause I'm a bit lazy :p
And this might stir up some serious backlash, and get me kicked off, but males aren't the only ones who have creepy hair habits. We shouldn't assume that just because the majority of such people are males, that doesn't mean there aren't females out there who do the same.
I agree, creepy hair people are disturbing, and definitely don't need to be floating around our lovely community, but until there is just cause, it would be nice to not immediately judge people based on their first posts or new profiles.

Let the rants, shaking fingers, and general uproar commence! :taz:

[fluffybunny]

@Kaya, it's not just a reaction to the gender & profile, it's the content of the posts. Go back to Eboshi's comment, she nailed it. The second post triggered my p*rv detector as well. It's a standard tactic-- they test the water, then if they get called out, they make protestations of innocence and a hasty retreat. Your empathy is misplaced here.

[squiggyflop]

@Kaya, it's not just a reaction to the gender & profile, it's the content of the posts. Go back to Eboshi's comment, she nailed it. The second post triggered my p*rv detector as well. It's a standard tactic-- they test the water, then if they get called out, they make protestations of innocence and a hasty retreat. Your empathy is misplaced here.
yes, i think its probably the most common tactic ive seen here.. i wonder why they all use that tactic.. then the other less common tactic is usually to go on the offensive.. which gets them spanked by mods..

[jaine]

I don't think it is possible to know for sure whether or not he is a p*rv with the info we have. Making an innocent apology and then a retreat also matches what a non-p*rv would probably do after feeling misinterpreted: apologize politely, and then leave since the community didn't meet his need for fairness. I'm not saying he was one or the other, just saying we won't know for sure with the limited info we have.

The need for safety and the need for fairness are both present and both important; it's just a question of when to shoo away potential p*rvs - do we wait until they offend someone or do we wait until they offend most people.

Neither strategy is perfect; the first one is definitely going to have some false positives - innocent people who were accused falsely - and the second one is going to have some p*rvs hanging around longer than they otherwise would have.

It isn't possible to know who those false positives are, or whether or not Halloran was one of them, but they will happen. I'm sure squiggyflop has already considered this and decided that what she was feeling and her own need for safety was strong enough to outweigh the risk.

I'm not endorsing either strategy - just pointing out that neither one is perfect. Usually I prefer a 3rd strategy of sensing what the person is like in person, which isn't possible here of course but is usually more accurate.

[podo]

Maybe I'm in the minority here, but I don't like receiving compliments on my appearance even from people I know in a professional setting. My reaction is, I am not the bride or the birthday girl here, so can we please just focus on what's in my head and not on it? It would never occur to me to make comments about my male colleagues' ties, socks, combovers, or whatever else they are wearing on their person. I wish they would stick to complimenting their wives or whoever and keep it strictly business at work.

Seriously?!? I give random compliments to most everyone at my office - even those in other businesses - and in the store or anywhere else I happen to be. If someone has something I consider unique, attractive, and/or any of a dozen other adjectives, I make a point to (try) to say something. (I don't always manage it, but I try to work up the courage to do so.) I just think it's friendly. ;) (Of course, I don't comment on things that should only be commented on between partners, but you know what I mean.)

For the rest of this thread:

I simply can't believe I'm reading this...

FYI - I'm NOT a "newbie".. I had an account back in 2002-ish but had let it go, so when I returned a while back I had to make a new account. Regardless, being "new" has nothing to do with it... some people get offended (or are wary after being burned - just a little warmed even) easily and some people try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and/or be nice because that's how they are - in spite of their possible instinctive reaction because of the past.

Not everyone will fill out an intro post - I didn't when I first joined and I didn't when I joined this time. I don't see a point, personally, but accept that others like to write or read them and that's ok. When I join a new place I prefer to think about my profile details before I add them in - and I prefer to hang around for a while to see if I even WANT the other members to see my info.

I accept that some felt the OP was a little creepy. (I don't, personally - I try to take everything at face value and not read into it, and I try to give people a couple chances in the hopes that I or they are having an off-day.)

I accept that some felt the first response was a little offensive. (I did personally, but understand it probably wasn't really meant to be; it just came out that way.)

But you know what? Who cares?! Everyone has a bad day, and if you write or read a post your own emotions of the moment will generally color what you read - though this one took me from being in a happy mood to being just.. astounded. And hurt.

Based on several responses - especially from the "long-term" members - I'm tempted to cancel my account and just not come back.

I can't believe what I'm reading, and I can only apologize to the OP and promise that not everyone is like this - most of the people on this forum have been nothing but friendly and helpful. I'm actually reminded of a thread I saw a couple of weeks ago that was talking about getting negative comments on your hair because of its length... and one response in particular struck me: the poster said that they received the most (and most upsetting) negativity from LHC itself. I didn't credit it at the time because I'd never seen it, either to me or to anyone whose posts I'd been reading. But now I do.

And I'm so very disappointed.

Let's all just let this thread lie and disappear into forum history, after each posting something like "I'm sorry - I didn't mean to offend you." to the general public, and perhaps a "if you're seriously interested in growing long hair, you're most definitely welcome here." to the OP if applicable.

I'll start....

I'm sorry everyone; I hope my post wasn't too offensive. I know we are all here for the same (or similar) goals: to grow long, healthy hair - and to make some friends in the process.

I'll finish up by saying I'm going to consider this whole thread a fluke, and make a point of not looking at user ids (or forgetting the ones I did look at).

*hugs*


ETA: I just found this thread (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=64386) from the mods about negativity on the forums. I had thought it was just my imagination how much things had changed over the years, but I guess not.

ETAA: And then there's this one (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/announcement.php?f=9&a=8) about getting along.

[Kaya]

Seriously?!? I give random compliments to most everyone at my office - even those in other businesses - and in the store or anywhere else I happen to be. If someone has something I consider unique, attractive, and/or any of a dozen other adjectives, I make a point to (try) to say something. (I don't always manage it, but I try to work up the courage to do so.) I just think it's friendly. ;) (Of course, I don't comment on things that should only be commented on between partners, but you know what I mean.)

For the rest of this thread:

I simply can't believe I'm reading this...

FYI - I'm NOT a "newbie".. I had an account back in 2002-ish but had let it go, so when I returned a while back I had to make a new account. Regardless, being "new" has nothing to do with it... some people get offended (or are wary after being burned - just a little warmed even) easily and some people try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and/or be nice because that's how they are - in spite of their possible instinctive reaction because of the past.

Not everyone will fill out an intro post - I didn't when I first joined and I didn't when I joined this time. I don't see a point, personally, but accept that others like to write or read them and that's ok. When I join a new place I prefer to think about my profile details before I add them in - and I prefer to hang around for a while to see if I even WANT the other members to see my info.

I accept that some felt the OP was a little creepy. (I don't, personally - I try to take everything at face value and not read into it, and I try to give people a couple chances in the hopes that I or they are having an off-day.)

I accept that some felt the first response was a little offensive. (I did personally, but understand it probably wasn't really meant to be; it just came out that way.)

But you know what? Who cares?! Everyone has a bad day, and if you write or read a post your own emotions of the moment will generally color what you read - though this one took me from being in a happy mood to being just.. astounded. And hurt.

Based on several responses - especially from the "long-term" members - I'm tempted to cancel my account and just not come back.

I can't believe what I'm reading, and I can only apologize to the OP and promise that not everyone is like this - most of the people on this forum have been nothing but friendly and helpful. I'm actually reminded of a thread I saw a couple of weeks ago that was talking about getting negative comments on your hair because of its length... and one response in particular struck me: the poster said that they received the most (and most upsetting) negativity from LHC itself. I didn't credit it at the time because I'd never seen it, either to me or to anyone whose posts I'd been reading. But now I do.

And I'm so very disappointed.

Let's all just let this thread lie and disappear into forum history, after each posting something like "I'm sorry - I didn't mean to offend you." to the general public, and perhaps a "if you're seriously interested in growing long hair, you're most definitely welcome here." to the OP if applicable.

I'll start....

I'm sorry everyone; I hope my post wasn't too offensive. I know we are all here for the same (or similar) goals: to grow long, healthy hair - and to make some friends in the process.

I'll finish up by saying I'm going to consider this whole thread a fluke, and make a point of not looking at user ids (or forgetting the ones I did look at).

*hugs*


ETA: I just found this thread (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=64386) from the mods about negativity on the forums. I had thought it was just my imagination how much things had changed over the years, but I guess not.

ETAA: And then there's this one (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/announcement.php?f=9&a=8) about getting along.


Thank you for this post; I totally agree with everything listed, and I'm ready to leave this thread in the dust.

[rena]

(those who don't have curly hair really don't get how totally frustrating it can be to have what feels like an independent sentient being living on your scalp!).

I love this! Don't think anyone could have put it any better. I may not have any curly curls, but I sure can relate, especially when it gets humid out, yeesh. Can we say wonky with an capital W?

[GRU]

I love this! Don't think anyone could have put it any better. I may not have any curly curls, but I sure can relate, especially when it gets humid out, yeesh. Can we say wonky with an capital W?

When it comes to humidity, I think it's spelled ~*W*~*O*~*N*~*K*~*Y*~ instead of just a capital W.... :lol:

[rena]

~*W*~*O*~*N*~*K*~*Y*~

That looks more appropriate for the whole humidified effect :laugh:

[squiggyflop]

oh GRU, *giggle* tell you what, lets trade hair.. you can have my boring blah waves (just dont cut them short because they automatically become farrah hair, *eeewww*) and i can have your curls, maybe then people will believe me and my brother are related..

[ladyjo]

its not my hair knowledge that makes me and others suspicious. i was a little suspicious, i will admit that.. my reasons? unlike you, this person

is male, sadly a lot of the new males are p*rvs. and yes, when i read a newbs posts i automatically check out their profile (its a good way to figure out common interests and scout out future friends) so i found that he was male there..

now just being a man isnt enough to sound even a tiny alarm but it is a piece of a puzzle.. this man did not make a profile the way a person normally would after hanging around the site for months.

there are no goals listed, that combined with him being male made me both suspicious and curious.. curious because if he was an aspiring long hair i wanted to know what his goals were and if we had similar hairtypes (always good to keep a list of hair twins available because you can look at pictures and get ideas for styling options, and also hair products that work well on your hair twin will often work out for you).. i was suspicious because well frankly in the past when a man has come on this site without goals who just comes to talk about giving complements they have been p*rvs who were very quickly banned..

now, then i looked at the phrasing of his post.. well there is another LHC, and i joined not knowing better.. and this was a very common type of post.. and many of the men on that LHC are NOT the kind of people welcome around here.. for instance they have a dirty hair story section, i canceled my membership after reading a story about a man in an elevator with a poor unsuspecting woman.. and her.. her... braid tassle.. and people commented positively on the story of the assault of this womans hair.. and it was hinted that it might have been a true story.. it was so horrible i practically ran screaming away from that forum like how i run from zombies in my dreams... so um yeah.. because i felt that the story reminded me of the posts there i may have overreacted.. ive been scared of joining other hair sites since.. and so i guess im a little too vigilant..

you ladyjo have only been here a few days, and you have made a nice profile.. listed hair goals shown what your hair looks like.. all sorts of green flags (opposite of red is green on the color wheel).. you are fine dont worry.. :) and welcome to LHC hopefully no one will scare you off
Ah I see! I had no idea there was such a thing as a hair perv O_O I must be too naive still, but if not being naive means knowing the logistics of how these people operate then maybe staying naive isn't such a bad thing! I do find it a little odd that there are men who join this site, I know men like to grow their hair too but in my experience they don't fuss over it the way women do, they just 'let it grow' XD

[Alvrodul]

Ah I see! I had no idea there was such a thing as a hair perv O_O I must be too naive still, but if not being naive means knowing the logistics of how these people operate then maybe staying naive isn't such a bad thing! I do find it a little odd that there are men who join this site, I know men like to grow their hair too but in my experience they don't fuss over it the way women do, they just 'let it grow' XD
We do have some very nice male members here, and I have seen some men with gorgeous, long hair IRL too (the best being a young man with gorgeous, classic length hair). But we gals tend to obsess more, yes, as well as being on the lookout for nice hairdos as well as hairtoys.

[squiggyflop]

Ah I see! I had no idea there was such a thing as a hair perv O_O I must be too naive still, but if not being naive means knowing the logistics of how these people operate then maybe staying naive isn't such a bad thing! I do find it a little odd that there are men who join this site, I know men like to grow their hair too but in my experience they don't fuss over it the way women do, they just 'let it grow' XD
yeah stay innocent, also dont join any long hair groups on facebook.. trust me, you will have more creepy dirty pms than you can stand.. i had to get a new facebook just for my lhc friends because i had so many creeps sending me really disgusting messages, and i didnt want them knowing where i live.. *shudder*

so yeah, better to be innocent..

stay innocent and keep your head down.. blend.. lol dont worry you will be fine, try to learn from others mistakes and you wont have to make any of your own..

and yeah men join sites like this.. why wouldnt a man wanna have fun chatting too.. everyone is different..
men like forums too, in fact im pretty sure that there is a beard growing forum somewhere that i heard of thats hopping.. and i never knew that growing beards was done with care like growing hair..

:flowers: some of my favorite members are male by the way.. though i must admit shadow walker's hair makes me extremely jealous..

[BrightEyes7]

I don't think it was just the fact that he was a male that sent alarms off for some of us.

It's a few things

1. He has been a member since July and never posted. Then 6 months later he posts about a lady's pretty hair that he saw and just had to talk to her. (maybe not so creepy... but I was wary)

2. He stated plainly in his follow up post he has no interest in growing his hair. He has a normal short hair man cut. This site isn't about just admiring long hair, yes that is part of the fun, but this is a site that you come to learn and share your stories of growing your hair. Maybe not to extreme lengths or anything, but GROWING.

3. I also thinks it kinda speaks volumes that once he saw we were aware that he may be a f*ti*her that he bounced outta here pretty quickly.

I don't think Squig or anyone else was trying to be rude. But when you come to a site like this and the only thing you offered was talking about a stranger's long hair it can put the community here, the ones who know to be wary, on edge.

That is not the normal response most people get to their first post as that is not a normal first post.

[LeaM07]

(Mod post)

People join long hair sites for all sorts of reasons (some of which I had no idea existed before joining here), and sometimes it's hard to tell which at first glance. If a post here on LHC makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason, please click the "R" button and let us know, and we'll check into it discreetly. This way we can (try to) be both safe and welcoming to our new members. Thanks. :flower:

[jaine]

I like that solution... I think it would be fair and welcoming to new members, without compromising on safety.

[RitaPG]

I basically said she had wonderful hair and then told her to have a nice evening.

Seems to me you did well. :) Some people are more prone to conversation but it was nice of you to leave instead of just standing there awkwardly.
It gets easier with time.

[McFearless]

Wow some people on here say crazy things. Accusing someone of being a perv because they've made only two posts? Get over yourselves.

OP you did the right thing by complimenting and moving on. If I saw someone with hair like you described I'd be complimenting it to :)