I think I want to shave my hair off....its so depressing

[yellowflower]

I dont know what to do I hate the colour so much I cry nearly everyday at least once, I cried today I hate the colour so much, I really am seriously considering shaving my hair off.

Has anyone else shaved their hair off? Did you regret it? Did you think it was a mistake?

I just hate the brassy/rusty look of my hair it seems such a mess of colours at the back its a nice blondish colour the front it rusty and brassy. I am so tempted to cut it all off, I dont know what to do or what is the best solution. I used to be so happy and now I feel like I am so depressed and unhappy. The stupid hairdresser's comments yesterday made me feel totally worthless, I feel so unattractive. Its either shave my head or finish studying in 3months and go away somewhere for a year where no-one knows me, so I can hide away untill its gone.

It is so depressing it is unreal. I have never felt so unhappy about my hair ever, its affected my whole self esteem its just horrible really horrible.

[lapushka]

Come on! Hang in there! It's just a tiny color difference, really! Honestly, it's not that bad! I know you feel bad, and it's terrible right now, but there's nothing to feel bad or horrible about. You look great. Never mind the hairdresser. We've all had our share of "nice" comments, and horrible experiences. And yes, when you feel horrible about your hair or your appearance, it's terrible. But at some point, you have to try and get over it. There are worse things than this. I shaved my head once, and barely had hair left. It was a pain to grow out. Trust me, it'll be *much* worse than the bit of color difference you have now.

Hope you feel better soon!

[Addy]

If you really want to shave your head, I would encourage you to do the 2 week rule so you are positively sure you can really live with it!

Once it's gone, it's gone!

[yellowflower]

I feel like it has even stopped growing, it feels so horrible though I hate going out. I had it cut yesterday and feels and looks alike rubbish still.

I really am trying to get over it but its so hard when its staring at you right in the mirror.

[ancilla]

I'm sure you will feel even worse if you shave your head. At least there is a chance to fix your hair color and keep your hair. If it is really that bad, try going to a reputable hairdresser to see if they can fix the color issue, or just dye it a darker color yourself to cover up the mistake.

[heidihug]

First of all, put down the razor. Unless you really want to experience life without hair for a while (and some people have wanted to do that for various reasons, there's nothing wrong with that at all), there's no reason to shave it off. If your issues are the result of bad choices regarding coloring, straightening or perming, I know you can live with it - I did for a couple of years a decade ago until I grew those mistakes out.

Until you get to that point, here are several things suggestions:


if it's not too damaged, color your hair as close to its real color as you can get, treat it gently, and keep growing

don't color it, and treat it gently, and keep growing

you're almost to the length where you'll be able to put it up, braid it, etc., so use headbands and scarves to cover it up, and keep growing

The theme here is, that it will grow out, probably about six inches a year, so in another year it could be about 20 inches long! Just remember, it doesn't look nearly as bad as you think it does, I guarantee it.

[yellowflower]

I'm sure you will feel even worse if you shave your head. At least there is a chance to fix your hair color and keep your hair. If it is really that bad, try going to a reputable hairdresser to see if they can fix the color issue, or just dye it a darker color yourself to cover up the mistake.

I think it will snap if I dye again, its got bleach, red, dark, bleach and bleach again. if i wanted to go dark i would have to dye red then dark on top of that.

i dont think my hair can take anymore colour, the hairdresser said it could go green as well if there is more colour put on it.

[slythwolf]

I would say wait on it to be absolutely sure it's what you want to do, then go ahead and shave it. There's nothing wrong with starting over with virgin hair and a clean slate.

[DreadfulWoman]

I shaved it all off before. It was kind of a fun experience, and didn't look that bad either. There were only a few things I really hated about it.

- Not having hair moving around, even a little. I know that sounds strange, but it was a really bizarre sensation that I can't say I much care for.

- It was hard to grow out. Not just the mullet-y stage, but also the puffy buzz cut stage. I had to gel my hair every day, or risk looking like an unkempt 10-year-old boy.

- It was the least feminine hairstyle I've ever had, and in that sense I was really unhappy with it. Of course you can always girl it up with accessories and whatever else, but it still kind of got to me.

Sorry, I didn't mean to be a debbie downer. Like I said, overall I really liked it and I'm not sorry I did it. It was great to get a clean start with my hair after bleaching it to death. It felt like the right thing to do, and I even really liked the way it looked overall. Just thought I'd give you a heads up concerning the aspects of it that I personally did not enjoy at all.

I know that Igor has shaved her head before, too (and has pictures). You might want to check her profile out. HTH ;)

[yellowflower]

I am so annoyed with myself for ruining it, i feel so stupid. It feels like it will never grow out and i will be totally stuck with it forever. It feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I keep constantly dreaming about it.

The thought of it all being gone seems nicer than what i have on my head.

[vanity_acefake]

Don't shave your head. You say you want long hair-you will hate a shaved head. You will be back to square one and it will take years to grow it back to where you are now. I have had bleached/ over processed hair that was the same colour as you and the purple/blue shampoos totally got rid of the horrible brassiness.
I emplore you to go out tomorrow and go to superdrug and buy some. Go to Holland and Barrett and get some coconut oil and wash your hair, condition it with the blue/purple shampoo and conditioner, towel it dry then cover it with coconut oil and leave it as long as you can. Your brassiness will totally go away with this shampoo and conditioner although it may take a few washes and your hair will thank you for the coconut oil.
Try not to be too upset about it although I know it is hard. You can fix this.
And instead of a major chop try micro trims for a while.
Good luck.
:)

[Anje]

Hang in there. Baby your hair, maybe soak it in oil to try to get some of that weird color pulled out and to improve its condition. It's slow going, but I don't think you'll be happy if you shave your head, either. Growing out from that is a real pain, and I'm afraid you're not going to be happy being seen with a bald head either. (Some people love it and can totally rock the bald thing, but they're usually the sorts who have the confidence to rock any awful haircut or color. If having a lousy color makes you feel unattractive and upset, I can't see how being hairless is likely to make you feel attractive.)

If you're really feeling desperate, I'd say you should get a wig for now and wear that for a few months, til your natural color is grown out a bit. Then you can go to a cute pixie cut in your natural color. Still a huge pain to grow out, but I think you'll like it better than having a shaved head.

ETA: The hairdresser who made you feel like rubbish isn't the same person as the one who made your hair yellow in the first place, was it? If so, you definitely need to go to a different place, where stylists are sympathetic and care about making you happy.

[spidermom]

Have you considered a wig? Scarves? Hats? I think you need to cover it up and not look at it so much. Someone I know with bad bleach damage would generously apply olive oil to her hair, then a little cotton skull cap, then wear a wig. Or she'd tie it up with scarves. Sometimes she'd even wear her hair because the olive oil improved the texture and appearance quite a bit.

If you still think you really want to shave it off, before you do, slick your hair all back from your face as tight as you can; see if you can live with that look. Also, you'll have spikey pricklies for the first few months of grow-in. Can you carry it off?

[yellowflower]

Don't shave your head. You say you want long hair-you will hate a shaved head. You will be back to square one and it will take years to grow it back to where you are now. I have had bleached/ over processed hair that was the same colour as you and the purple/blue shampoos totally got rid of the horrible brassiness.
I emplore you to go out tomorrow and go to superdrug and buy some. Go to Holland and Barrett and get some coconut oil and wash your hair, condition it with the blue/purple shampoo and conditioner, towel it dry then cover it with coconut oil and leave it as long as you can. Your brassiness will totally go away with this shampoo and conditioner although it may take a few washes and your hair will thank you for the coconut oil.
Try not to be too upset about it although I know it is hard. You can fix this.
And instead of a major chop try micro trims for a while.
Good luck.
:)

Do these shampoos really work? Maybe I will try and get some tomorrow then.

[ratgirldjh]

I used to pretty much shave my hair off regularly. I would use the clippers and leave 1/2 inch to an inch on my head. My hair grows fast however and I had to do this every few months to keep it short - but I would definitely think about this before you do it - it is fun to grow hair back from very short but it takes quite a while to get it long - so be prepared.

However I did notice that my hair seemed to get thicker and more wavy each time it grew back - but it could also have been that I was getting older and my hair changed.

You could always color your hair to a color you like instead. If you still don't like it - perhaps you are just ready to start all over from a clean slate after all.

djh

[vanity_acefake]

Oh yes those shampoos and conditioners do really get rid of the brassy colour. Just be a wee bit patient. It may take 3 or 4 shampoos and conditions to tone it totally down.
Then baby your hair. Oil it, use leave in conditioner, serum etc. Keep using the shampoo/conditioner and enjoy finding out what your natural colour is.
It took me many years to finally accept that I an not a blonde. I bleached it to pieces, had it every crazy colour I could think of (which I loved!), hated the root regrowth and am now a red/brown colour thanks to henna.
Good luck.

[cybernetica]

I wrecked my hair once with bleach. Went to the salon and said cut all the damage off! The poor hairdresser was having a harder time then I was doing it. I walked out of there with super short hair that I did not like at all, but after that day I vowed I would never treat my hair in such a way again!

[yellowflower]

Maybe I will try these shampoos and see what they do, maybe i should try a diiferent hairdresser instead of one that adds insults free of charge to the amout I pay for a haircut.

I will get some coconut oil to and try using that.

It feels like my hair will never grow and like it has stopped growing at all.

[ellen732]

Oh my..............don't go to any extremes here. Why don't you do a semipermanent like Loreal Healthy Look or Clairol Natural instincts in a color a bit darker than your own. It won't break and it will at least blend the colors you have that are making you miserable. I would also go to Sally Beauty Supply and get some nice reconstructing conditioner and talk to the girls who work there, they should steer you in the right direction. Your hair won't be any worse off with a semipermanent color as they are ammonia free. Good luck.

[vanity_acefake]

Don't worry your hair will grow.
First tackle the colour you hate.
Second get it back into good condition.
Then you will be surprised at the growth.
:)

[Fufu]

Hang in there. The beauty of hair is , "They will always get better in time to come"

i'm not sure how your hair looks like now..... I guess you have to make a choice between

Shaving all your hair off or

take time for your hair to recover

Are you able to see yourself in the mirror and carry on with your usual daily routine for months and years with bald and very very short boyish hair style?

I believe shampoo and condition can help remove the brassy colour. Try not to overdose on shampoo, I will recommend using coconut oil or camellia oil for protecting your hair.

Don't over dwell on your hair .They always turn out the best looking when you feel happy.

[yellowflower]

Oh my..............don't go to any extremes here. Why don't you do a semipermanent like Loreal Healthy Look or Clairol Natural instincts in a color a bit darker than your own. It won't break and it will at least blend the colors you have that are making you miserable. I would also go to Sally Beauty Supply and get some nice reconstructing conditioner and talk to the girls who work there, they should steer you in the right direction. Your hair won't be any worse off with a semipermanent color as they are ammonia free. Good luck.

Hairdresser said it may go green with anymore dye

[Intransigentia]

Do these shampoos really work? Maybe I will try and get some tomorrow then.

I've never used them to try to change the colour, but when I had my medium-brown bleached out to a cool-toned light blonde, they kept it from turning brassy. And brassiness has always been an issue for me. Also: because these are intended for processed hair, they have loads of moisture and might help your hair feel better as well.

You don't have to get an expensive kind from a salon; the one at the drugstore works just as well - at least that's what my hairdresser told me, and I'm sure she would have tried to sell me a salon product if it was actually better.

[ellen732]

I am a hairdresser and if you stay away from an ash color it won't go green with a semipermanent.

[yellowflower]

I feel so awful, I went out for lunch today and just sat at the table and just cried my eyes out, its so crap feeling so low.

I keep thinking there must be some reason fate has done this, is there some kind of lesson I am supposed to be learning here???

I just wish I could forget about it and carrying on with day to day stuff, but i cant i keep thinking about it, its always on my mind. I bought a book, which I love reading because I forget about it for a little while.

[vanity_acefake]

I guess the only lesson that is to be learned is not to dye your hair dark then bleach the living daylights out of it to go blonde!
I promise you lots of us have done exactly what you have done.

[yellowflower]

I am a hairdresser and if you stay away from an ash color it won't go green with a semipermanent.

even though my hair has bleach, red, brown, bleach and bleach? They said it has so many process it could go green and i need to dye it red before i go brown as it could go green......

my hair is totally frazzled dry and horrible

[yellowflower]

I guess the only lesson that is to be learned is not to dye your hair dark then bleach the living daylights out of it to go blonde!
I promise you lots of us have done exactly what you have done.

I am so annoyed as I said to the hairdresser will it go brassy? if it will i dont want it done they said no it will lift it a few shades, well yes it lifted it a few shades to include ORANGE.

[ellen732]

This isn't about fate my dear, this is about living and learning.......I cannot tell you all of the horrible things I have done to my hair in the past, it is all temporary. If you want to spend some big bucks you can go to a high end salon and make an appointment with a hairdresser who specialized in corrective color, color can be fixed, trust me. If you don't want to spend the money, go get Loreal Healthy Look in a med. blonde color, put it on for 10 minutes and leave your hair alone for a couple of days, then go spend the money on some "Cholesterol" at Sally Beauty Supply and start doing treatments, you will be amazed.

[vanity_acefake]

I'm surprised they didn't put a purple based toner over it to tone it down.
Mind you I'm not a hairdresser and I don't understand the chemistry of all these chemicals.

[yellowflower]

This isn't about fate my dear, this is about living and learning.......I cannot tell you all of the horrible things I have done to my hair in the past, it is all temporary. If you want to spend some big bucks you can go to a high end salon and make an appointment with a hairdresser who specialized in corrective color, color can be fixed, trust me. If you don't want to spend the money, go get Loreal Healthy Look in a med. blonde color, put it on for 10 minutes and leave your hair alone for a couple of days, then go spend the money on some "Cholesterol" at Sally Beauty Supply and start doing treatments, you will be amazed.

I alreadu have spent loads of money, and all was a waste all the colouring i have had done was at a salon, not done myself.

It just feels like I cant see any light at the end of the tunnel. I try to think of what it will be like if i leave it. Its been nearly 7weeks now and its only grown 3/4 inch and feels like it has stopped now.

[spidermom]

I keep thinking there must be some reason fate has done this, is there some kind of lesson I am supposed to be learning here???
.

I don't think fate did this to you.

I'm a person who tends to obsess over things that I don't like, too, but after years of making myself miserable with this, I've learned to interrupt downward spiral thoughts with thoughts of things I do like, or getting busy with something that requires concentration (like you with your book). It takes work, but it's worth it to put in the effort.

You haven't commented about a wig or scarves or hats - ways to cover your hair while you condition it and let it recover.

[Fufu]

yellowflower: Hey sweetie, Cheer up :) I believe most of us gone through times when we hate our hair to the core be it damaged from flat ironing, perming, terrible hair colour or bleach.

The postive thing is, it always works out and turns out GREAT. The miracle about hair is, they are always growing gradually and by then you will feel WHOA my hair actually gets longer and I can see my virgin hair roots.

I don't think there's any lesson to be learnt, don't be too hard on yourself.

I will say it's more like a fruitful experience. Sometimes, you never know what happens until you try it. Nothing wrong about doing anything adventurious or drastic changes to your hair.

At this moment, try your best to stop over thinking about your hair.

Nourish your hair with camellia oil or coconut oil, in time to come, you will be amazed with your own hair and perhaps by then or even very soon, those brassy hair colour will be gone for good. Of course, avoid all hair colourings and other chemical treatments to your hair, it will only make it even worse as you mentioned your hair is dry now.

Perhaps, you can take this opportunity to baby treat your hair. Farewell to all those hair colourings and chemical treatments.

[yellowflower]

I don't think fate did this to you.

I'm a person who tends to obsess over things that I don't like, too, but after years of making myself miserable with this, I've learned to interrupt downward spiral thoughts with thoughts of things I do like, or getting busy with something that requires concentration (like you with your book). It takes work, but it's worth it to put in the effort.

You haven't commented about a wig or scarves or hats - ways to cover your hair while you condition it and let it recover.

Ive been wearing a scarf now and again, but i dont like it that much as my hair is quite short. I dont really want to wear a wig.

I bought headbands but they look ridiculous on me, the only thing I like it my scarf, but its quite a summery one and i havent found any others in the shops at the moment that I like....

[ellen732]

Why are you worried about the growth when its what is already there that is upsetting you? I reread your post and instead of the med. blonde go with med. brown. I have been a hairstylist for 20 years, I have been certified in Goldwell color, I am trying to help but I am not sure you are in the right mind set as you feel this is a hopeless situation. I don't think the stylist you worked with was perhaps experienced enough to help you or she didn't have the right answers, she mentioned the red color because with the bleach you need to put red in as a filler in order for the final color to stick. I hope you find your answer. Good luck.

[yellowflower]

Why are you worried about the growth when its what is already there that is upsetting you? I reread your post and instead of the med. blonde go with med. brown. I have been a hairstylist for 20 years, I have been certified in Goldwell color, I am trying to help but I am not sure you are in the right mind set as you feel this is a hopeless situation. I don't think the stylist you worked with was perhaps experienced enough to help you or she didn't have the right answers, she mentioned the red color because with the bleach you need to put red in as a filler in order for the final color to stick. I hope you find your answer. Good luck.

When I talk about growing I mean growing so that its my colour that is there, not this horrible colour.

I am worried about dying it myself in case i get it wrong, i know you say to get a medium brown, but what if i pick up the wrong colour and then it goes green? Some parts are really really blonde you see, then there are others that are not so blonde...

[Rocket22]

I did this exact thing about 20 years ago and I felt like you do now, I had been using sun in and it was blonde/orange and my grandma took me and dyed my hair dark! oh did I hate it so I decided to dye it back blonde well it did turn green that didn't go over very well so then I stripped out the color completely and dyed it again, think it was orange at this point, (was actually better than the green) but still not good so I finally went to a professional and had them work with me. I swore if I could just get my hair back I would NEVER do anything bad to it again. well It did get better and I continued to trash it :) until now!
basically hang in there it will get better seems like it won't but it really will... You have the beauty of this board to help you through this. try oils to help the dryness.. coconut or evoo or whatever works, also there has been great advise on this thread try that and until you find what works wear your hair up and use hats etc. and nobody will even know


eta: Oh crap Im old it was 30 years ago not 20!!

[Fufu]

I will say avoid any hair colouring as your hair is consider over chemical processed.

Condition and nourish your hair at least for 2 to 3 months before you consider to redye your hair.

As your hair grows, your natural colour always return, no worries about this :)

[YesitsReal]

Whoa! Don't do anything drastic yet! I agree with those who say to apply the two-week rule.

Nobody's said anything about this yet, but what about henna and indigo? You could color your whole head non-damagingly (is that a word?) to medium or dark brown (mehandi.com has brunette and black kits in their shop), possibly improve the condition of your hair, and just wait it out.

Take this advice with a grain of salt, however. I'm not one of the LHC's many henna experts, so you may want to talk to one of them. At the very least, STRAND TEST before you put another coloring agent on your hair.

[yellowflower]

Thanks for everyone advice, I really dont want to dye it again as I can see myself there is tinges of green at the ends in some lights, so i really dont think any more colour would help and my hair is fried to say the least.

tomorrow i will get some coconut oil and try and help the condition and keep getting trims every 6 weeks and just hope and pray it grows quickly so i can keep having the horrible colour cut off.

i really dont think any dye natural or chemical would be a good idea....

[Fufu]

Avoid henna, indigo and cassia (not sure if i got this spelling right) as well.

yellowflower: Way to go :) Believe in yourself, your hair will turns out great.

[Tia2010]

Try not to be discouraged . Most of us have made mistakes with our hair. Years ago I went through a very similar thing . They did a few corrective colorings and eventually I had a decent color back , but my hair was left very damaged ....beyond what I was willing to live with, so ... I had it cut into a very short pixie .

BUT you have to weigh what will bother you more . Having almost no hair ( and in your case if you shave it NO HAIR ) or living with a color that could most likely be fixed and slowly growing out the damage.

Your hair will grow back but it is a slow process that at times seems exceedingly slow when your growing from pixie length. And if you're the type of person who gets frustrated at slow growth and wants length sooner than later...It will be a long struggle for you. For me I hated seeing the damage even after the color was fixed so I knew I personally could handle slowly growing out very short hair for a few years more than I could handle knowing the damage was still there everyday.

Put your hair up and don't do ANYTHING till you have had time to think it through. Decide what you can live with and go from there.

[Coriander]

I've also done awful things to my hair. One time I over-dyed it and it ended up neon red on top and fried black for the remaining 12". :lol: The girl at the salon I went to for help stripped the color, sort of, which ended up turning my hair a horrible shade of orange.

I look back on that now and laugh hysterically, but I CAN empathize with what you're feeling now. I cried for a long time.

I agree with those that say baby your hair, use lots of wonderful conditioners and oils. Find scarves online that you find pretty if you can't find any nearby in the shops. Enjoy the growing out process with knowing that you will, one day soon, see lovely new growth. :)

[turquoisebud]

Sorry you are feeling bad! :( I say stop worrying about it. We humans tend to overreact sometimes! It's probably not as bad as you are thinking right now. :) Try to think of the good things about your hair - is it shiny? it is clean? is it soft? - there has got to be something good about your hair to make you feel better. :flowers: It will grow out, that's the best thing!

[yellowflower]

Thanks its nice to hear others have been through the same, its so annoying some days i have good days other days i have really bad days.

I guess the comments from the hairdresser yesterday didnt help at all, and just put me 10 steps back to what i had worked forward.

[cuppycake]

Hairdresser said it may go green with anymore dye
if u use an ash color yes. anything warm toned will not go green. they are full of crap.

[AerithMoon]

Hmm, I almost shaved my head one because I was feeling just like you are and I'm SO glad that I didn't. If it's taken you this long to grow it to the length it is, think about growing it from 0. You are not at square one by letting it grow. Take care of it, maybe it'll fade a bit or become more tolerable. I don't think you should put any more colour on it yet. If it's still bothering you in a month after you've strengthened it, then dye it darker to cover all of that. Then keep growing.

If starting over is what you really want, go for it. But you might miss your hair if you do, and it'll take way longer to grow that out than it will take you to strengthen what you have and possibly colour over it. Hang in there, after a while the texture will improve and you'll be glad you left it alone for a while. Focus on other things and just wait for some time to pass. Then make your decision. Been there.

[little_cherry]

Hairdresser said it may go green with anymore dye
Not if you use temporary...I've been in the same situation as you several times over... temporary colour like brown or mahogany (Or what ever colour you're looking for) is the best route, IMO. My hair never turned green...and I used to bleach and dye it with perms/semis every 2 weeks for years. I'm surprised my scalp is fine now.

I agree 100% with the toner shampoos... First of all, clarify your hair with a good clarifying shampoo and do a lovely deep treatment...use the shampoos.

Many have mentioned olive oil soaks...I highly recommended! It was the only thing that helped me fade blue black to a medium ash brown.

[mrs_coffee]

If you want to shave it, then shave it. It grows back.

I had to have mine nearly shaved off when I was 14 and ruined it by doing a home perm over dye and Sun-In. My hair was like an orange brillo pad, and I'm not exaggerating. I was a little afraid to have it so super-short, but it grew out so fast it was only that way for a couple of months.

[Dolly]

Take a deep breath, sweetie......it can and will get better! First, clarify your hair well, and do a good deep moisture treatment. Coconut oil soaks will help as well. Get some of the toning shampoos, and give them a shot. Also, a semi-permanent dye will not make your hair go green. They are not damaging, and they come in a wide variety of tones and colors. I think your hairdresser was just a JERK. You can fix this, but it is going to take some time and patience and some babying of your hair.

Chin up.....we are all here to back you up!

[milagro]

I have nothing to suggest about the color and will just second purple toner and temporary dye. But dear you sound way too low, it's been 7 weeks. Mere brassy hair is not worth that. :grouphug: Cheer up, fix the color as well as you can and switch to something different. It is growing every moment without you obsessing about it.

[yellowflower]

I cant remember a day when I went without feeling upset when all this started few months ago. I keep trying to think it will get better but I dont really feel any better about it.

I think I have made it in to some kind of obsession myself where i keep on thinking about it, thats why i bought a book to try and read to take my mind off of it.

I just wish i could go a whole day and be happy and not stress over it and just forget about it just for one day just be happy and enjoy the day for what it is instead of obsessing over hair!!!

[HintOfMint]

I feel so awful, I went out for lunch today and just sat at the table and just cried my eyes out, its so crap feeling so low.

I keep thinking there must be some reason fate has done this, is there some kind of lesson I am supposed to be learning here???

I just wish I could forget about it and carrying on with day to day stuff, but i cant i keep thinking about it, its always on my mind. I bought a book, which I love reading because I forget about it for a little while.

I am really worried about how much this is getting to you. Yes, you need to take care of your hair, but you also need to detach yourself from your hair. You are not your hair and your hair does not define you. Here at LHC, we're all a bit unusually obsessed with our hair, but at some point it becomes unhealthy. Your hair will grow and it will change, but the time you spend crying and bemoaning your hair will be lost forever and you could be doing something more. In a few months, do you really want to look back and realize that all you thought about was your hair and how miserable you were?

Don't just read, keep busy in other ways. Work out, volunteer, study, work, whatever you can do to fill your schedule. Find other ways to feel good about yourself until your hair is only a minor annoyance in the background.

I understand how important hair can be to our looks. I wasn't exactly tickled when I had to hack off all of my hair due to damage after having it long and beautiful (heatstyling and cones hid a lot of the damage) for about a year and a half. That period of time was when, for the first time ever, I felt conventionally attractive, and then I had to cut off my hair and I felt like I was back to the dowdy weird girl I used to be. It SUCKED. It sucked more than I thought it would. But my hair grew and everyone I loved and respected loved and respected me for reasons that had NOTHING to do with my hair.

Forgive me for writing such a long-winded post, and I hope you do not think that I am berating you. Please take care of yourself, and not just your hair.

ETA: I just read your most recent post. Good for you in taking steps to get away from your obsession! Best of luck, dear!

[jojo]

I am sorry you are feeling this way, but what is done is done. Have you thought about henna red or Lush brun would give you a nice brown and would really help condition and get your hair back to a state where you feel better about it.

I personally wouldnt shave, as somebody who went from waist to cropped neck (not my choice a stupid hairdresser showing their skills off ) and ended up on anti-depressants; yes it affected me really bad, so I do totally empathise with how your feeling. Sure hair grows, but this is your hair and before going down the drastic route, try and salvage what you have. Oils, deep conditioning, a good protein treatment aphogee is excellent & follow with a good moisture treatment-anything other than shave I think it would make you more depressed. Have a think about the Lush brun and remember we are all for you and your hair will grow.....I promise xxx ((((hugs)))))

[yellowflower]

It really depressed me so badly that I couldnt even get out of bed about a month ago, but it makes you feel so unattractive, i know you are right hintofmint i am more than just hair. I was feeling down a few days ago and then i went to the hairdresser to have it cut and her comments just made me even worse and so upset. i decided i am not going to keep going every 6weeks as she suggested maybe every 2-3months, and also find a different hairdresser as i really didnt need those comments as i was slowly picking myself up and then thos comments were like she stood on me and crushed me even more.

i really dont know how to make myself happy anymore....

[kittylover]

I understand how you feel. I am in the same boat right now. The first half of my hair is banana yellow and the other half is orange. It looks just horrible. And it is very damaged as well. I just try to live with it right now hoping some of the awful colors will come out. I am doing daily oilings right now to get the colors to tone down and I am wearing my hair up in a bun every day.

[yellowflower]

I understand how you feel. I am in the same boat right now. The first half of my hair is banana yellow and the other half is orange. It looks just horrible. And it is very damaged as well. I just try to live with it right now hoping some of the awful colors will come out. I am doing daily oilings right now to get the colors to tone down and I am wearing my hair up in a bun every day.

Its horrible feeling isnt it, but thanks for posting its nice in a wierd way to know your not alone in this...

[madeline_]

I second the henna/henndigo suggestions that came up. Henna is soooo good and healthy for your hair. I have very damaged hair from the ears down, and it's going to take me another year to grow it out. But I would rather layer henna over henna over henna to get it really dark than shave it off. At the moment I'm still trying to get away with some light bleaching, but I think that I'll soon give it up and throw myself into the healing power of repeated henna applications. I'd rather go completely dark before I even think about cutting. Darker always looks so much more healthy!

[milagro]

I cant remember a day when I went without feeling upset when all this started few months ago. I keep trying to think it will get better but I dont really feel any better about it.

I think I have made it in to some kind of obsession myself where i keep on thinking about it, thats why i bought a book to try and read to take my mind off of it.

I just wish i could go a whole day and be happy and not stress over it and just forget about it just for one day just be happy and enjoy the day for what it is instead of obsessing over hair!!!
Keep busy! Theres plenty good advice above, I particularly second work out :)

Normally I don't advocate taking pills but if you still find yourself depressed and obsessed a few weeks later maybe you should see a doctor for opinion and some anti-depression treatment. You may be overstressed or something and channeling the feeling onto your hair. Just suggesting! :)

Good luck!

[LaurelSpring]

I have been there before and yes it was green (not on purpose). If you dont want to put any more dye on it you can think about using something temporary that washes out to help with the color.

I would suggest not shaving it off and just make a committment to treating it well from this point on and getting regular trims and before you know it that old stuff will be grown out and trimmed off.

Hang in there and remember this feeling. The next time you have an urge to do something crazy remember this feeling so that you will have the ability to stop yourself.

[mellie89]

I think that you should chop it, but only if you actually want to on some level. You don't have to shave it, since you said that you've gotten 3/4 of an inch already. (Oh, and 3/4 of an inch is great for seven weeks!)

Does a super-short pixie appeal to you at all? Forget about your long hair goals for a minute. You have your whole life to grow your hair long. Is having a really short haircut something that you would have considered prior to your coloring mishap? Is it something that you think you'd like to try once in your life?

It sounds like your hair is having a very negative effect on your life right now. Of course, having very short hair might make you even more upset, if that's not something you actually want. But if you wouldn't mind trying it, I think it might be a good option for you. You could get that color off your head so you can stop looking at it and obsessing and start fresh. :flower:

[PiroskaCicu]

Don't worry so much....I went through a year of having short, reddish-orange hair that was a serious pain to grow out. The sun faded it into a brassy orange and my natural hair colour was much darker. But I just let it grow anyway, and treated it with care and special treatments. Finally after a few months of giving my hair some time to get over the dye, I went to the hairdresser and asked them to dye it as close to my natural colour as possible! It ended up being very nice!

Now I am nearly at BSL and I am really glad I didn't cut off all the hair. Basically, the key is to ignore how the colour looks and just take really good care of it.

[cuddledumplin]

I've done it, and you'll regret it. While I've got the cheekbones to carry off very short hair, and some people thought it looked very good, I just didn't feel feminine at all, and it takes a very long time to grow back. You also get some weird growing out phases, especially if you have any curl in your hair. I had a weird quiff for ages that I couldn't get rid of until my hair grew six inches or so. It's also kind of annoying having no options of how to wear your hair. Even when it grows out a bit, you're stuck with parting it different ways and nothing else.

Couldn't you use some temporary colour over the colour you don't like? If nothing else, wouldn't a wig be a better option?

[ravenreed]

I switched from permanent dyes to demi-permanent some time ago. In addition, when I do my hair, I coat my hair with coconut oil and let it soak for an hour or so before dyeing. There is a thread on how coconut oil protects hair from dye damage. My hair is not damaged at all. Demi-permanent dyes won't lift color, only make your hair darker, but there is the benefit of them adding little damage and the color will mostly wash out over time. Perhaps you should look into going darker for a while and then leaving your hair alone.

[ddiana1979]

Do you like hats? I had a similar coloring disaster back in college, and I just got a bunch of stylish hats & scarves. Yeah, it sucked, but I'm still glad I didn't shave my head.

[julliams]

Yellowflower, I think what needs to happen here, is you have to stop yourself when you think about your hair or yourself in a negative way.

There is a technique called "thought stopping" where you take an image or a thought that you are having that is upsetting you, tell yourself to "STOP" and you mentally put it into a small box, sort of like if you were listening to a person yelling at you on the phone, you could just take the phone away and their voice would become this tiny voice trapped in a phone. It would have less effect on you and you could choose to hang it up completely. Does that make sense? If you google it you will find lots of "how to's" with thought stopping.

All these negative thoughts are what is contributing to the way you are feeling. You will find that with "thought stopping" you will think about this sort of stuff less and the less you do, the better you are going to start to feel.

What I think you need is a goal. A strong goal that you feel passionate about and then you need to get going on it.

Let's say your goal is a hair one, and ultimately it is BSL hair all virgin. Ok great - now that you have a goal, you need to work out the specifics of it and how you are going to get there. I take a picture of my hair from the back every month on the same day which I have been doing since September 2009. This way I can see how my hair actually grows and by how much each month. Then I do my calculations so I know how long something is going to take and I ACCEPT it. Yes it's going to take a couple of years, but once you know this, that's ok. You have a plan and you can move to start.

I think your options here are
1) shaving (but you have to accept all the inbetween lengths and be ok with that),
2) cutting to a short pixie (which you can maintain until all the colour is grown out which shouldn't take more than a couple of months), or
3) trying some of the suggestions here with shampoos and coconut oil and trimming every month or so until you get to your goal.

Which of those suggestions made you think "oh gosh" and which did you think "ok". Go with the one you feel ok about.

Sometimes when we are consumed by our thoughts, the only way out seems to be to do something drastic. But actually, you need to make those kinds of decisions when your mind is rational. See if you can get to a rational place. It's going to take time and energy but you can do it. Every time you have a negative thought about your hair/self, try the thought stopping technique and try replacing it with a thought about your goal or else try saying something nice about yourself to yourself. Your beauty comes from so many other places than just off the top of your head, right?

I know you can do this. You came here to LHC, so I can see that you truly have the courage to get through it and have something you will love.

[Lianna]

I've read about your problem before. People suggested the blue/purple shampoos, and you didn't try yet. The shampoos work to some extent, I haven't seen your hair, so I can't tell you if they would make that much of a difference. You hate the color yet you don't wanna do something about it (shampoo or dye again). It's either cut it, dye or live with it. I think cutting you make you feel worse. Dark blonde dyes always fixed any problems I've had with colouring in the past. Light brown was always too dark (I know you don't want dark hair). Don't be so dependent of what your hairdresser says. If your hair is really really light, I don't think a level 9 would make the color any worse, would be less brassy. Again, it's hard to give advice without seeing the hair.

[McFearless]

Omg no! Don't shave your head please. I think you need to stick around the forum and learn abotu all kinds of haircare that will help you get healthy hair again.

Believe me most of us have been in your position and actually many of us still are, including me. Growing out damage is hard but it is very doable. Just be patient and treat your hair kindly.

-shampoo less often. look into the CO method, it helped me a lot
-take your vitamins/eat healthy/exercise to encourage growth
-protein treatments to strengthen strands followed by moisture treatments to soften
-hot oil treatments-olive and coconut oil before shampooing
-keep your hair protected in updos and while sleeping
-slowly trim off damage every couple of months

I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned this yet but are you open to the idea of having brown hair? You could try henndigo, a mix of henna and indigo to dye your hair damage free.

Hang in there!!

[grrlshapedthing]

It really depressed me so badly that I couldnt even get out of bed about a month ago, but it makes you feel so unattractive, i know you are right hintofmint i am more than just hair. I was feeling down a few days ago and then i went to the hairdresser to have it cut and her comments just made me even worse and so upset. i decided i am not going to keep going every 6weeks as she suggested maybe every 2-3months, and also find a different hairdresser as i really didnt need those comments as i was slowly picking myself up and then thos comments were like she stood on me and crushed me even more.

i really dont know how to make myself happy anymore....

Yellowflower PLEASE to take offense at this but i think you might need to consider seeing a therapist. It sounds to me like you might be suffering from depression brought upon by stress, and if this is in fact the case it might really help. I have been there more than once and know how things can get.

[grrlshapedthing]

I also want to say as a hairdresser myself I think your hairdresser insulting you and criticizing you is completely unprofessional... I have some clients who have SHOCKING hair care and I gentley recomend different methods for them but when they say they like their system i leave it at that. It's their hair.

[Fufu]

You really should ditch your haidresser. If you had, "Thumbs up"

[HintOfMint]

It really depressed me so badly that I couldnt even get out of bed about a month ago, but it makes you feel so unattractive, i know you are right hintofmint i am more than just hair. I was feeling down a few days ago and then i went to the hairdresser to have it cut and her comments just made me even worse and so upset. i decided i am not going to keep going every 6weeks as she suggested maybe every 2-3months, and also find a different hairdresser as i really didnt need those comments as i was slowly picking myself up and then thos comments were like she stood on me and crushed me even more.

i really dont know how to make myself happy anymore....

I agree with grrlshapedthing, please go see a therapist. This is a plainly debilitating obsession, and if it is getting this bad, you need professional help. This is a bigger problem than just feeling moody about hair. We're all here for you, and only want to see you okay.

[Mesmerise]

Okay here's the thing... you're thinking of shaving your hair and starting again from nothing...but you're not willing to try a semi-permanent colour or re-colour in case it goes green?

Well I understand you don't want green hair, but before shaving, at least try to colour, then if it really doesn't work, you could shave BUT I'm pretty sure if you use the right colour it won't go green.

Like so many others I totally wrecked my hair some years ago with bleaching and it was horrible and I wouldn't go out in public with it... it was almost white near the roots, but the ends (which had previously been black lol) were a brassy orangish colour. Well I asked my mum to take me to the store, got her to go in to buy the colour (cause I wasn't going to show my hair in public...seriously) and I coloured it and it was fine.

Well, the condition of my hair was crap BUT the colour was okay. My advice is to get the colour of your hair right and then at least you won't feel so bad about the condition. Treat your hair really well and keep conditioning/oiling etc. and get regular trims. Eventually you'll end up with your natural hair and it will be healthy and you WON'T have had to shave it all off to get there.

Mind you there are times when I think I should just shave and start again (or at least chop it all really short... don't think I'd look good with a shaved head!). But I resist!