Sad hair

[FluffSpider]

I've seen there is a thread for beautiful long hair sightings, which make our day. But what about those long hair sightings which just make us sad?
I have two cases:
1.There's this girl, at some Saturday Biology courses I attend... Knee length braid. Last 20 cm(8 inches, according to my maths) consist of three strands.
2. Girl in my classroom, tailbone length, FRIED. I've tried subtly suggesting some hair conditioner, she just said something along the lines 'I dont care'.
Not to be negative, but I needed a place to vent:(

[spidermom]

There's a woman about my age in my town who obviously has been bleaching her hair for a long time. It's a little longer than shoulder length and has been for the 3-4 years that I've seen her. The ends are stark white and look like somebody chews on them. Nearest the scalp the color is kind of a baby-duck yellow.

She's a member of my gym and always holds herself with stiff arms/locked elbows while she's on the treadmill or stair climber; that bugs me, too.

[xoxophelia]

Perhaps they are just interested in seeing how long their hair can become regardless of not having thickness to their locks or health (although some people have hair that looks frizzy/fried even when it isn't). The reality is that their job isn't to beautify our world and their hair is their own business.

I would just be happy for them if they are happy confident people and leave it at that.

[FluffSpider]

Don't even get me started on shorter-haired ones!
1)curly texture, huge volume, 'trim' to her means cutting off the last year's worth of growth. Then she whines about not having long hair
2) Long, thick, used-to-be-shiny hair, NO conditioner. She's a dancer so she uses about a can of hair spray and teases it maniacally during contests..what pisses me off is that I could achieve great things with half the good hair genes she has going on! her hair grows literally twice as fast as mine, and even after a year of no trimming, ends are blunter than mine have ever been
@xoxophelia: thing is that some come complaining that it's falling out in chunks, and when you say something to help them, they get all ' My hair is longer, ergo I know more than you'

[Anywhere]

My mother. She complains of having dry hair, spends so much money on salon brand "moisturizing" shampoos, bleaches, dyes, bleaches again, dyes again, blowfries, and rarely uses conditioner. Then she wonders why her hair is in such bad shape..

(And because of this she always insists I get a trim to cut off my split ends. I hardly have any splits at all... but she's so used to them in her hair she thinks I must have a lot too)

[LightSabr]

Mostly bleach and dye damage. Too many nasty chemicals!! Or neglected splits. But they do seem happy enough with it. I guess they don't know how great their hair could be with a little TLC. :(

[leoninnu]

I knew a girl who had a long hair that was in an AWFUL condition, it hurt just to look at it. Full of flyaways, splits, damage... Her hair was about tailbone I think but the braid already dissapeared to almost nothing at BSL. In her case her parents didn't allow her to cut. I think especially her mother wanted her child to have a long hair and there was no room for anyone elses opinion. She didn't care if it was healthy or not. Even after she moved out from her childhood home she just sort of continued doing what her mother had wanted.

Her case has given me a lot of perspective. People have different reasons for doing the things they do, like growing long hair but neglecting it all together. They may make us eager to help and give advice but there's not much we can do about it if the person is not our close friend. It's unfortunate and always makes me feel a bit sad.

[tinywife]

I have a little sister with BSL hair so gold, it shimmers. I kid you not. But it's really sticky because she's not really good with the rinsing, so it's in a permanent tangled mess, even 2 minutes after ripping her brush through it.

The sad thing? Even in it's "rat's nest" condition, it's simply stunning. Like a golden halo.

[Caldonia Sun]

Both of my girls have long, thick hair. But they don't baby it at all, treat it sort of roughly, hence, splits. I watched one just rip through with a comb and winced when I heard the snapping. At this point, they both have two little ones and aren't into gentle hair care.

[pepperminttea]

There was a girl in one of my classes at uni, her hair was bleached and changed colour so often that over the semester it became shorter and shorter. By the end, it looked like a pixie made from candyfloss. :( But despite the condition, the colours were amazing, really bright unnatural ones. If I had that length, I think I'd mess about with colours too. :D

[milagro]

Don't even get me started on shorter-haired ones!
1)curly texture, huge volume, 'trim' to her means cutting off the last year's worth of growth. Then she whines about not having long hair
2) Long, thick, used-to-be-shiny hair, NO conditioner. She's a dancer so she uses about a can of hair spray and teases it maniacally during contests..what pisses me off is that I could achieve great things with half the good hair genes she has going on! her hair grows literally twice as fast as mine, and even after a year of no trimming, ends are blunter than mine have ever been
@xoxophelia: thing is that some come complaining that it's falling out in chunks, and when you say something to help them, they get all ' My hair is longer, ergo I know more than you'
I advise you not be so judgmental. Someone said above people's hair is their business.
About dancers I can safely vouch from experience it's much more important for her to look good and perform well at a competition than any hair damage. You need tons of hair spray and gel to get your updo stay perfect during a few hours of very hard physical work which is sport dancing. People have different priorities, that's all. Who knows maybe she writes about your walk or deportment at some dance forum :D

[enfys]

Not my hair, not my problem.

Some people's hair starts to taper at shorter lengths so the ends can be very thin. Maybe the three strands that are still knee length are all that are helping someone cope with the shedding their meds cause; they lost most of their thickness but some length is there. The people who bleach have every right to. I use hairspray and even backcomb sometimes. Would people wince? Maybe. Would most people? No. Does my hair survive it and do I get told it's pretty? Yes.

This is such a negative theme for a thread. Not really in the spirit.

[mellie89]

Not my hair, not my problem.

Some people's hair starts to taper at shorter lengths so the ends can be very thin. Maybe the three strands that are still knee length are all that are helping someone cope with the shedding their meds cause; they lost most of their thickness but some length is there. The people who bleach have every right to. I use hairspray and even backcomb sometimes. Would people wince? Maybe. Would most people? No. Does my hair survive it and do I get told it's pretty? Yes.

This is such a negative theme for a thread. Not really in the spirit.

I couldn't agree more. My hair has been in pretty terrible shape at a few points in my life, and I would have been very upset if I knew that someone was writing about how nasty it looked on an online forum somewhere. :(

[trolleypup]

Not my hair, not my problem.

Some people's hair starts to taper at shorter lengths so the ends can be very thin. Maybe the three strands that are still knee length are all that are helping someone cope with the shedding their meds cause; they lost most of their thickness but some length is there. The people who bleach have every right to. I use hairspray and even backcomb sometimes. Would people wince? Maybe. Would most people? No. Does my hair survive it and do I get told it's pretty? Yes.

This is such a negative theme for a thread. Not really in the spirit.


I couldn't agree more. My hair has been in pretty terrible shape at a few points in my life, and I would have been very upset if I knew that someone was writing about how nasty it looked on an online forum somewhere. :(
Please keep KNIT in mind when posting to this sort of thread, it is very easy to veer into unpleasant territory.

Thank you.

[jojo]

I've seen there is a thread for beautiful long hair sightings, which make our day. But what about those long hair sightings which just make us sad?
I have two cases:
1.There's this girl, at some Saturday Biology courses I attend... Knee length braid. Last 20 cm(8 inches, according to my maths) consist of three strands.
2. Girl in my classroom, tailbone length, FRIED. I've tried subtly suggesting some hair conditioner, she just said something along the lines 'I dont care'.
Not to be negative, but I needed a place to vent:(

Must be obviously doing something right to have got to these lengths!

[manderly]

I thought the reason a thread like this didn't exist was because it's just nasty. We try not to sit around here and snark about other people's hair. It's just not nice. :shrug:

[princessp]

I have to agree about the negative quality of this thread. Who knows what others are going through. Personal priorities that don't include hair has been mentioned, but another thing to consider is that people could be ill (in a variety of ways). Or perhaps they just do not fit into our perception of beautiful/healthy because we don't understand their hair. I don't think it is for us to judge others if they are not harming anyone. If they ask for advice it is fine to try to impart the wisdom we have learned, but otherwise appreciate folks for what they have to offer the world regardless of hair.

I don't think the OP is trying to be mean they are just projecting their own values onto others. We do this all the time, but I don't think it is ever a good thing to do. It takes practice and courage to just do something for you--- truly because you like it --- not needing to look around for group approval. I have had long hair without any sort of network for many many years. Finding LHC after all those years was such a blessing in that way. Believe me I want to give folks advice all the time, but I often bite my tongue because we have to remember not everyone around us is into it. In the end I'm glad it is so because life would be boring if everyone was into the same things.

[Dragon]

Some times it’s not the persons fault that there hair is damage because they don’t know much about hair care. As longs as they are happy with it, that’s all that matters.

[ddiana1979]

My hair doesn't look so great, but I really am trying. *sigh* I went to the grocery store twice today with very oily hair (after an experiment with the Movie Star Shampoo, in which apparently I used WAY to much oil). I'm sure I got a couple of looks from people thinking, "Why doesn't that dirty, greasy hippie wash her hair?" ;) Oh well, you live, you experiment, and you learn.

ETA: No offense to the hippies of the world. It's just that in the Deep South, that's usually what people think of hair like mine that's relatively long, straight, not blonde, and not styled for height.

[jeanniet]

I would be thrilled to see someone with knee-length hair, even with only three strands at that length. That's totally awesome! :cheese:

[musicallberrii]

1- My ex-roommate from college had mid-back length natural blonde hair, never used conditioner and shampooed with Prell (harsh stuff incase you don't know what it is). Her hair literally didn't move and was so fried looking. You could also smell it from across the room (BO/sweat type smell). Really gross..

2- Another ex-roommate, she would straighten her hair and it would literally smoke and make the room smell like burnt toast (she did this every day for atleast an hour). She also washed her hair about twice a month and it smelt like a wet dog whenever she finally washed it.

3 - A girl who lived down the hall from me in an apartment building.. she had short hair that she hadn't cut, but it literally broke off about an inch from her chin because she did so much crap to it. She was black one week, and platinum blonde a couple weeks later. I lived near her for 6 months and she had about 5 different hair colors while I was there. The last time I saw her, she had bald spots from bleaching yet again

[McFearless]

I'm one of those creepy people that want everyone to have the best hair possible. I usually don't meddle but I just hate it when people complain about their hair but refuse to make changes to their routine. I get not knowing how to care for hair but when offered help you should take it.

[McFearless]

I don't see the problem with this thread? Don't we all complain about one thing or another? Its perfectly fine to say bad things about ourselves here but saying someone has damaged hair is not?

[manderly]

I don't see the problem with this thread? Don't we all complain about one thing or another? Its perfectly fine to say bad things about ourselves here but saying someone has damaged hair is not?

Well, isn't it a different matter for you to complain about your weight, your teeth, your skin than it is for someone else to?

I may complain about how fat I am, but I'd be hurt if someone was posting about how fat I was on a forum somewhere.

Just because it's anonymous and they'd probably never know doesn't mean it's nice :flower:

[FluffSpider]

First of all, I would like to say I kind of forgot about this thread(posted it before enlightening myself to thread subscriptions) so I haven't been around to clarify what I meant. I didn't start this thread to flame anyone, or to point fingers. It was intended as a vent-place because:


I'm one of those creepy people that want everyone to have the best hair possible. I usually don't meddle but I just hate it when people complain about their hair but refuse to make changes to their routine. I get not knowing how to care for hair but when offered help you should take it.
I second that.



I advise you not be so judgmental. Someone said above people's hair is their business.
About dancers I can safely vouch from experience it's much more important for her to look good and perform well at a competition than any hair damage. You need tons of hair spray and gel to get your updo stay perfect during a few hours of very hard physical work which is sport dancing. People have different priorities, that's all. Who knows maybe she writes about your walk or deportment at some dance forum :D

Again, I'm sorry for my phrasing/the misunderstanding. I'm not going like 'oh, gross' or something. I'm just sad she has such good genes and trashes that with such harsh practices. I know she NEEDS the spray, and I've seen professional dancers get their hair blown away because they skimped on fixing means-I admire what she does. I'm just saying a dt might not kill once in a while, and might help her maintain the long hair she needs for those complex updos. As for the sports forum, I'd rather believe she would tell it to my face:p

Must be obviously doing something right to have got to these lengths!
Most were doing stuff right with the uber wash-stretching which came with 'traditional' hair growing. Now they're frying it with the harshest shampoos out there, ripping 'professional' paddle brushes through it and refusing to do any updos because someone might mistake them for traditionally-raised, which seems to offend them. I'm not...flaming. I'm venting the sadness:( LHC makes me personificate hair, in a way. And when I see the poor thing would grab anything it could get, and their way of hair TLC is an even harsher shampoo:(

I thought the reason a thread like this didn't exist was because it's just nasty. We try not to sit around here and snark about other people's hair. It's just not nice. :shrug:

I'm really sorry. I didn't make it to post snide/snarky comments. more of a *sigh* place than a * hahahaha look at that!* place.

[tigereye]

Yeah there's a girl I know with lots of really tight, black, shiny ringlets. When you pull one of the curls it stretches to almost waist, but bounces up to APL when let go. I always wince when she's doing her hair, because she ripps a big stiff, cheap brush through her curls, and I just hear the hairs breaking, and watch the curl turn to frizz. Then she applies products to try and calm the frizz. she also has her hair blow-dried on the highest setting, and occasionally straightens it.
She has said her hair is strong so it can take the damage, when I tell her how she could help her hair, but still moans about having to battle frizz and dry ends when she dismisses my suggestions.

[junkyschristmas]

Mostly bleach and dye damage. Too many nasty chemicals!! Or neglected splits. But they do seem happy enough with it. I guess they don't know how great their hair could be with a little TLC. :(

Or with a little TL*H* C ! :hollie::cheese:

[PinkyCat]

I don't see the problem with this thread? Don't we all complain about one thing or another? Its perfectly fine to say bad things about ourselves here but saying someone has damaged hair is not?

ITA. If someone's hair is fried, it's fried. If it's healthy, it's healthy. So what. A fig is a fig and a rose is a rose.

[vanillabones]

If someone from on here saw my hair in real life they would probably think I'm a hair beast... when in reality I've been taking better care for it in the past 6 months than I ever have and known how to in my entire life. It will take years for my hair to look healthy and well cared for and as if I treat my hair with respect... I like to think the same when I see other people with hair like mine. You never know because even if they've already started it will take years for their hair to recover again :( So you shouldn't judge lol Nice hair takes a huge amount of time and patience for most people.

[monsterna]

I don't get the whole jumping down OP's throat about this thread, either. She's not calling anyone out specifically and giving their address and phone numbers (and, yes, that DOES make all the difference!), she's not saying "LOL THIS GIRL'S HAIR IS SO GROSS, SHE'S SO STUPID AND CAN'T TAKE CARE OF IT!" It's more like, "It's really unfortunate it's in that state." Even IF it's not the person's fault (health issues), that's not the point. The point is it's just sad for us, who love long, beautiful hair, to see unhealthy looking hair, whatever the cause. As PinkyCat said, if it's bad it's bad, and good it's good. It's not a personal attack. Those people will never know who they are (if they're being referred to here) 99.999999999% of the time, even if they magically found this thread. I wouldn't be surprised if others talk about me on other sites. Who cares, I'll never find it, and that's life. Do we not have off topic threads here where we complain about that bad driver that cut us off, our horrible neighbors, or rude customers? How come that's okay and this isn't? There's only so much to say about "beautiful hair comments/sightings" on those other threads, so it's a nice change to see something totally different like in this thread. Different threads for different folks. :)

To the OP, I know how frustrating it is when someone ASKS for advice/help with their hair, and don't take what you give them. They go out and actually do the complete opposite, and then come back and complain about it still. This woman I know does this, and it's NOT a health issue. It's just her own neglect. Granted she's busy all the time, but she's the one who brought it up to ME, and then doesn't take advice. C'est la vie.

[Crysta]

I agree in that I don't see the hate in this thread. It's not "gross hair" it's "sad hair" seeing something else that makes you, personally, upset/sad isn't insulting anyone.

My mother's hair makes me sad, it was a nice length but so damaged, blow fryer, flat irons, constant hair dye, brush ripping, tight ponytails you name it, was so bad that she's cut it now to a pixie, which she likes so that's fine. but I just feel sad for her hair - it could be so lovely.

She'll never convert though, I can get her to do yoga and aromatherapy and all sorts of new age stuff that's questionable, but I can't get her to put EVOO on her ends.

[Yame]

I advise you not be so judgmental. Someone said above people's hair is their business.
About dancers I can safely vouch from experience it's much more important for her to look good and perform well at a competition than any hair damage. You need tons of hair spray and gel to get your updo stay perfect during a few hours of very hard physical work which is sport dancing. People have different priorities, that's all. Who knows maybe she writes about your walk or deportment at some dance forum :D

This!

Other people's "bad" hair doesn't bother me. It's their problem, if it can even be called a problem at all!

[SlightlySoprano]

I have sad hair. I have very very little hair and its only a tiny bit below shoulder length. It looks damaged. I could be that girl you're ragging on. I'm very hurt :(

[lastnite]

I probably have sad hair :( I know some people get attached to their long hair, some people have naturally frizzy hair, it's hard to grow finer hair, etc... so I don't judge too much. I know I put alot into caring for my hair even though I don't have the long, thick shiny hair that would be considered healthy and happy hair, so who knows how others take care of their hair.

The only thing I really cringe at is badly fried bleached or permed hair; especially the bleached hair where you can see the split ends... especially when it's only around shoulder length. I feel sad that maybe they got a bad hairdresser that fried their hair or something :(

[nellreno]

*wonders how long it would take before someone complains about another member's hair*

[ArienEllariel]

And here I thought the general purpose of this thread was to talk about those people who mistreat their hair, complain about it, and fail to take good advice on fixing the problem only to come back and complain again. There is no personal attacking going on here. Sheesh people!

[Mesmerise]

I think most people here consider "sad hair" to be hair that could be beautiful but which has been abused. They're not ragging on people with naturally thinning hair, or whose hair is fine and they struggle to grow it long...

It's like a girl I was friends with, who had lovely hip length hair, but who really just needed to get her ends trimmed to remove very obvious split ends. I would never say anything to her about it, or judge it...but I thought it was a bit sad because she had lovely thick hair and it was marred because it needed a small trim. Now, I didn't go around obsessing over her hair, but if I ever found myself sitting behind her in class I couldn't help but notice it!

I've also seen hair which has been bleached to death and is breaking off. That's also kind of sad!

My OWN hair looks pretty sad because I lost so much a year ago and it has some damage from previous chemical/heat damage. I can deal with that, because I'm working on making it nicer now!

I do think there's an obvious difference between hair that has been abused or whatever, and hair that has been cared for but which just doesn't "behave" nicely!

[Yame]

I do think there's an obvious difference between hair that has been abused or whatever, and hair that has been cared for but which just doesn't "behave" nicely!

I don't think it's necessarily obvious, and I think that to look at a person's hair who you don't even know, and to make the assumption that they do or don't "mistreat" it, is to judge, in a sense.

There is nothing inherently wrong with making assumptions/judgments in our minds, nothing wrong with having opinions of what's beautiful and what isn't. It's only natural.

But I do think we need to ask ourselves why it is that what someone else is doing to their hair or body should bother us to the point where we need to vent about it?

I've only been on this forum for a few weeks, and I've seen plenty of people here who take great care of their hair, but still their hair doesn't look healthy or beautiful by mainstream standards, or their hair looks "sad" by the standard of a few people posting on this thread.

So I don't think we can know what's going on without knowing the person's "hairstory."

[FluffSpider]

I don't think anyone posted (thus far) things like 'OMG I saw this head of hair on the street, and ZOMFG it was sooon thin and it made me sad'. Some others have mentioned it, and I'll say it again. It's not about merely the look or state it is, but the owners failing to take advice they've requested, or just being plain blind and believing their hair can withstand seam-y brushes, harsh and harsher sulphates, drying on the highest heat setting while 'fluffing' the hair(which just creates more tangles) and detangling with a teasing comb. This was my pre-LHC portrait. Or hairtrait. My hair wouldn't grow past APL, and anything below SL was see-through. My front portion was so thin it looked razored-even though it wasn't. I finally figured something wasn't going right, then found LHC and here I am.The difference between the people who make me sad now and me? I opened my eyes and changed something. They still won't see what's in front of them.

About 'complaining' about another member-we're all here because we want to treat our hair better. ALL of us, even the gurus, are still learning something. As such, we are actively trying to better it, which makes any example unsuitable for this page.

Before LHC, I thought only the very thick, either stick straight or nice spiral-y curly, no taper hair would look good long. I think I speak for most of us when I say LHC opens people's minds. I've seen VERY thin, AMAZINGLY beautiful hair. I've seen wavy hair which left my jaw drop. I've seen heavily fairytaled hair which looked just like something out of a fairytale...So no one's complaining about 'oh her texture sucks' -NO natural hair texture sucks. What may suck is the owner not giving a flying hotdog about it, and brushing curly hair with a paddle brush, then applying alcohol-based gels to calm it down, then washing with harsh sulphates to clean it out, then repeat cycle.

[PinkyCat]

OK this thread is getting dumb. Excuse me while I move on with my life. :cheese:

[MsBubbles]

This explains my discomfort with this idea of a thread, very well:


Well, isn't it a different matter for you to complain about your weight, your teeth, your skin than it is for someone else to?

I may complain about how fat I am, but I'd be hurt if someone was posting about how fat I was on a forum somewhere.
:

I really don't think there's any difference between criticizing other people's apparent mistreatment of their own hair and say, how they keep their house, how dirty their car is, how trashed their car interior is, how slack their thigh muscles are, how threadbare their clothes are...these are things they could well be happy with their treatment of, and others might pour scorn, turn up their nose and say "How messy! How slack! How untidy!".

And this is also pertinent to my discomfort of this idea of a thread:


But I do think we need to ask ourselves why it is that what someone else is doing to their hair or body should bother us to the point where we need to vent about it?

Indeed. Great point.


I'll say it again. It's not about merely the look or state it is, but the owners failing to take advice they've requested

But how would *you* know? Do you follow them around and document their personal grooming methods? If you are basing this whole thread on one person, who you know for a fact has dismissed advice that would help them (and of course none of us does that, eh?! ;)), then that's one thing. But the sweeping statements that follow about other people that other members know or have seen, don't have anything to do with that one person you were talking about.

At that point, unfortunately, your thread has the danger of lapsing into outright hair snobbery, which isn't kind or nice, in my opinion.

[FluffSpider]

@ MsBubbles: I haven't commented on any people I didn't know, so yes, in a way I've 'followed' them.
I noticed this thread is going the wrong way, which is NOT what I intended when creating this. I've brought it up to a 'higher power' and hope to have it closed, as not to provoke an actual outburst. I'm really sorry if anyone was offended-please know this hasn't been the intention. As I've stated a number of times before, it isn't necessarily about the hair-it's the attitude. The " I've got 2 inches on you so I know how to take care of long hair and you don't" (coming from a person with the last 10 inches of hair transparent and velcro-like), the 'my hair can stand it'(really? WHY is it falling in chunks then?) etc.