SO revealed he doesn't like hair past BSL... will he change his mind??

[jenjen10]

So, my SO revealed the other day in a conversation that he doesn't understand why I want to keep growing my hair out... it is at BSL right now and he considers that "long" and thinks waist length (which is my goal) is "excessive".

Of course, I am still going to grow out my hair to whatever length I want to (after all, it is MY hair) but am wondering if anyone else had a SO with similar opinions and did they change their mind as your hair grew?

As a side note, you would have thought he had told me the earth wasn't round by my reaction to his statement... my first thought was "you couldn't have told me this when we first started dating???" (we have been together about 8 months).

You know you are hair obsessed when something like that could have been a "deal breaker" when casually dating! LOL

[Locksmith]

My SO doesn't really get why I want my hair classic length. His is hip length, but he says he'd "find it creepy if he could, theoretically, wipe his bum with it". :p Which is funny, because he's usually very very sensible about things like that. OTOH, mine is verging on that long, and he loves it, so... meh :) I think it doesn't really strike him as such because hair grows so slowly. Your SO may find the same - it's not like you're going to wake up one morning with waist-length hair, so he's got time to get used to it! :)

[Anywhere]

Yes. Yes. Yes.

My SO said he thought "just below shoulder length" was the perfect length.

Of course he grew to appreciate my WL hair at the time. Once when I was frustrated with my hair I asked him "If I gave you scissors and let you cut off as much of my hair as you want, how short would it be?" He said "First off, no thanks. Secondly, I'd only cut a teeny bit and try to do it like you do it."

I said to him "But I thought you didn't like long hair?"

He said "That was before I saw long hair as beautiful as yours."

So, your SO might think that he doesn't like long hair because he has only been exposed to damaged long hair. :shrug:

[Yosha]

The guy I dated had his ex cut off her hair between shoulder and bsl. Mine is classic and he likes it better up, he does like the softness of my hair though. I don't know if it's a deal breaker for him or if something else happend since we called every day and suddenly he stopped calling me, but I can't imagine it would be a deal breaker at least not for me. He doesn't need to like my hair that long, but if it would be a deal breaker for him he better stays away from me. It's possible your OH just doesn't like hair that long, but it doesn't mean it would be a deal breaker.

[leoninnu]

Mine thinks that any kind of hair would look good on me as long as I don't go bald (on my own will, he remembered to add that he wouldn't start disliking me if I ever lost hair because of illness :D) But he was firmly against growing his own hair. He had it trimmed to almost army short every two months and kept complaining about his hair getting in to his eyes when it barely touched his eyebrows and how it was unpractical and stupid looking. Now? He hasn't cut it in 1,5 years and his longest layers are about APL. He said he's going to grow it for another year and then decide if he's going to cut or keep. They do change their minds ;)

[Oz]

my 1st bf..... unfortunatly... was only using me for sex. he tried to get me to wear a hat, bun my hair up, exc to keep it out the way. good riddence to that one.

my now bf,, (second) didnt notice my hair until we had been freinds for a while.. even though i wore it down and everything, and when he noticed it he was like **** ME your hair is long! no compliments or negative coments or questions, tats all hes ever said about it in a year he have been dating together, other than to complain when the clog up his vacume or get rapped round his penis. a boy that really fancies me and has the same form of autisum as me says he loves it and if we where to hang out (hes in london im in the north) he would stroke it and pet it and play with it all the time...

that really draws me to this other boy, if i wasnt so in love with the man i have now. He let it slip that he loves bobs. I know id suit one really well. its tempting sometimes to please him, but not healthy.

[Oz]

Yes. Yes. Yes.

My SO said he thought "just below shoulder length" was the perfect length.

Of course he grew to appreciate my WL hair at the time. Once when I was frustrated with my hair I asked him "If I gave you scissors and let you cut off as much of my hair as you want, how short would it be?" He said "First off, no thanks. Secondly, I'd only cut a teeny bit and try to do it like you do it."

I said to him "But I thought you didn't like long hair?"

He said "That was before I saw long hair as beautiful as yours."

So, your SO might think that he doesn't like long hair because he has only been exposed to damaged long hair. :shrug:


that is so so so so lovely

[princessp]

There are a few threads like this one out there (in case you want to search and read what others have said). For years and years my SO never said he didn't like long hair but he also never said he liked it either. Now after 13 years he comments on it in a positive way (even suggested I grow to knee). So while I generally think people don't change, in my case my DH seemed to. I think it has more to do with him loving me and understanding that my hair is not only a part of me but also very important to me. He gets into hair toys and products with me now it's very sweet. But again, our relationship is mature and very different from what it was years ago.

[Bucatini]

Of course, I am still going to grow out my hair to whatever length I want to (after all, it is MY hair) but am wondering if anyone else had a SO with similar opinions and did they change their mind as your hair grew?


THAT'S RIGHT jenjen. It's YOUR hair. Smart girl! For me, not an SO, but my dad. He has to asked/told me all the time to cut it, since I was in my early 20's. Even the meg ryan thing is too long for his taste, he likes the rosemary's baby pixie. BUT..... at Christmas, we were talking and he smiled and said something like "that's how your mother wore her hair when we were dating." It's true, because she recently showed me how to set it on soda cans to make big waves "like I did when I was dating your father" and I have been doing that lately. I took it to mean that he has changed his mind. :)

[HintOfMint]

A few years ago, my then boyfriend thought that my hair was perfect at just-past collarbone length.

Then he loved my hair layered at APL, and thought I should keep it that way

Then he loved my hair layered at BSL, and "don't change it!"

Then he loved my hair at "can I call this waist?" And said that it was at the perfect length and I shouldn't grow it out anymore.

He's an ex now, so he doesn't get to appreciate my waist length and growing to hip length hair, but I'm guessing that he would have eaten his words, yet again. Sometimes, some men aren't great with change or anything out of the ordinary until they see it.

[GoddesJourney]

If your hair is in good condition and beautiful, it may change his mind. If not, he won't hate you for it anyway. No big deal. Chances are, at the very least it will grow on him. Waist length sounds like it's REALLY long if you're not used to seeing it. I'm quite sure that if you show him a picture of girl that looks like you with beautiful waist length hair, he won't be turned off by it. Better yet, photoshop one of your pictures and put it up on your wall so you can visualize every day. It will give him a chance to get used to the idea anyway.

[prosperina]

My dad tends to prefer short hair. My mom had long hair for many years. It doesn't seem to have hurt their relationship. Small potatoes, I think.

Although I see how you would be irriated to learn 8 months in that he actually doesn't like long hair all that much! But he does like you, or he wouldn't be with you.

[jojo]

I think the reason a lot of people are so against long hair is because they have only seen poor examples of scraggly, neglected hair. Once he sees long hair can be beautiful, if looked after properly he will change his mind; if he doesnt well its up to him to deal with it!

[Juneii]

Yup. DBF apparently likes short layered hair - which was what I had around the time we started dating. He thinks anything beyond waist length is too long. But right now I am brushing tailbone and am planning to grow even longer, he's just gonna have to deal and like it because I am dead set on growing my hair long :D

[spidermom]

He might. When my hair got to waist length and I told my daughter that I was growing it to below my bottom, she said "No; it won't look right; it will be weird; this is the perfect length." Now when I get frustrated with my hair and say I'm going to cut it, she covers her ears and says (with alarm) "No-no-no-no!" She also tells me it's beautiful.

[thisischristine]

I think often, men are wary of the unfamiliar. My husband liked short hair best when that's what I had, but as it grows, he quite often says the length it is at is his favourite. When I talk about growing it waist length, he raises an eyebrow like "Why?", but I know if it gets there, he wont want me to change it!

[Yasmine91]

My bf thinks long hair, well very long hair is creepy, said I would remind him of the girl from The Ring, lol. I told him that I used to have classic length hair and he shuddered LOL

Hopefully when my hair grows out he will actually grow to appreciate it, maybe even like it :) I don't think he's actually seen hair that long.

[Madame J]

You know you are hair obsessed when something like that could have been a "deal breaker" when casually dating! LOL

This isn't about being hair-obsessed -- this is about a potential mate belittling something that you consider important. It's one thing to say "You know, sweetie, I tend to prefer hair that's not as long as all that, but it's your hair, and I'll think you're beautiful either way." It's another to tell you that your personal goals are "excessive." I think your SO needs to learn to communicate his likes and dislikes without sounding dismissive of yours.

For example, my husband really obviously likes my long hair, but he always told me he thought I was hot even when I had a pixie, with no signs that he was being patronizing about it. And, ultimately, his opinion is that it's my hair and my choice. When he had long hair, that was his choice, as it was when he decided to cut it.

[slipperlady]

When I first married my husband, he was always trying to get me to cut my hair short. I couldn't understand why until I saw his mother. Hers has always been short, even as a girl, and that is what he was used to. Well, I was raised in a house of women (mom and 3 sisters) who all had long hair because my dad loved it. One time I decided to cut it very short for him. He liked it, I hated it. I felt that part of my personality had been cut off along with the hair. As it was growing back out, at each new level he would say, "I like that length, you should keep there." He has been saying this for a couple years now. It is now almost 2 feet in length and now he is saying: "I don't think you should cut your hair anymore. I like it. It is 'you'." So, you never know. They don't always stay with the same opinions they had originally. Besides, if they like 'us', they like us no matter what we wear or how we do our hair.

[reverie24]

When I used to point out long hair to my boyfriend he didn't like it and said mine was better, but he loves mine now and is supporting me to grow it longer, so I definitely think they can change their minds! They think they don't like it but once it's on a person they love or want to be with, they forget about what they previously thought.

[Bene]

Did he specifically say that long hair is a deal breaker for him? If not, then don't worry about it. He's not going to care unless you're constantly rubbing his nose in the fact that you're growing long hair in spite of what he wants.

[FluffSpider]

Aside from possible past sightings of damaged long hair, he might have run into people with long healthy hair but who are as serious as can be regarding that. He may think the longer your hair grows, the less you'll let him play with it, or stuff.
For example, there's the librarian at our local library. Blonde tailbone to say the least. THICK bun, shiny etc etc and I've only seen hers in a bun(same one everyday for years). It's a bit of a waste...she did the SAME bun at her cousin's wedding... it just becomes a routine. you become so obsessed about keeping it healthy you forget to enjoy it, and it's happened to me:being terrified of a different haircut or of heat styling or whatever...until I said 'Hey, it's just hair, it's not your neocortex'.now I'm taking care of it as well as enjoying it.
Luckily, my SO loves my long hair. He won't even let me get trims, conversation is generally like:
-But you know I kind of need a half an inch trim
-NO!
-Why? It won't be significantly shorter after the trim
-It'll still be shorter than it is now.

[Tia2010]

I saw your other post about your BF being very jealous and wonder if that may play into his desire to keep your hair shorter , so it wont be as attractive ( in his eyes) to other men. He may feel long hair may get you more male attention , something he can't handle. Just a thought.

[Kristin]

I wouldn't worry about it. Everyone I know thought I was crazy when I said I wanted waist-length hair a year ago; now they all yell at me when I even think about getting a trim. They currently think my new goal of "top-of-of-my-jeans" is too long, but they have 6-8 months to get used to that idea, too.

People like healthy hair. If you take care of it and it doesn't end up in others' food, I think they'll be happy with your hair choices. And if they aren't, at least you will be. ;)

[mellie89]

He might! My DBF told me when my hair was collar-bone length that it was the "perfect length." Well, I grew it out anyway. It's now at lower BSL, and he likes it even more. I'm going for a trim this week, and he is having conniptions because he just looooves it the way it is now. :p It's like he doesn't even remember thinking it was nice when it was shorter.

Just quietly grow your hair out. Once your SO sees waist length on you, I bet he will love it!

[MissManda]

Like many others have said already, my DBF kept telling me my hair was nice whenever I'd hit a landmark. At APL (with layers) he said he didn't want it any other way. Now that my hair is passing waist and heading towards hip length, he pesters me to wear my hair down more often so we both can enjoy it because I've been way too worried about keeping it super-healthy lately. He thinks hair longer than my current length won't look nice, but I have a feeling he's going to change his mind. :D

When we first started dating, I had a hobbit-hair perm that was above shoulder-length and the length never seemed to bother him. He's gotten more fond of my hair as it has gotten longer and he throws a fit when he sees me doing a microtrim or S&D.

I also think my natural texture has grown on him, too. I remember when he would tell me he liked my hair wavy and he would occasionally make a comment that he didn't particularly like (too) straight hair, which I thought mine was. Now when he sees me damp braiding/bunning to get wavier hair, he'll complain because I'm not letting my hair do what it naturally does. Now he says that he likes my hair straight and that he doesn't want it any other way! :crush: I remember when I had permed hair I thought that no one would love my natural texture but it's amazing how things can change. :flower:

[jenjen10]

I saw your other post about your BF being very jealous and wonder if that may play into his desire to keep your hair shorter , so it wont be as attractive ( in his eyes) to other men. He may feel long hair may get you more male attention , something he can't handle. Just a thought.

This could be a valid point... right now, unfortunately, him liking my hair is the least of my worries!

[looniac]

If your SO is worthy of your time, he will love you no matter the length of your locks. :)

[akka naeda]

I don't know.
My ex insisted the best hairstyle was a bob.
I ignored him, it's my hair and I know that a bob would be financially crippling to maintain plus anything shorter than BSL is not a good look on me.

He now lives with someone who cut her hair into a bob on hearing that he liked that and periodically when he phones to speak to DD and I ask what he's been doing I'll be told that X went to get her hair cut today.
(I mentioned my ex in your thread on the OT board.)

[Aerith85]

My BF the same but its my hair and I'll do what I want LOL I always do!!! xx

ETA: By the way Miss Manda I love your hair colour its so vibrant and hot tssss ouch xxx

[MissManda]

My BF the same but its my hair and I'll do what I want LOL I always do!!! xx

ETA: By the way Miss Manda I love your hair colour its so vibrant and hot tssss ouch xxx

Thank you! :D

[mrs_coffee]

I'm sort of concerned about this myself. I've always had short hair and Brent has always liked it. I know he likes long hair too, but I've heard him say more than a few times "Her hair is way too long" when we see someone with waist-length or longer hair. Waist is where I happen to want mine at this point. I guess we'll see what he thinks when I get there.

[stinamoo]

My SO thinks past waist length is 'too long' but he doesn't really mind what I do with my hair - or at least understands that he can't stop me changing it ;)

He'll have plenty of time to get used to the idea of long hair anyway, my hair is pretty short just now.

[Kherome]

When my husband and I started dating (over 10 years ago) my hair was just touching my shoulders. He liked it. Now, it's waist length and he complains that I clog up the brushes on the vacuum, and the plug the shower drain. I don't honestly know if he'd prefer I cut it or not, he never says and I don't ask because it's MY head, MY hair. I like my hair. Since he doesn't complain about it (much) I'm guessing he's ok with it. However, he is a Military man and as such his hair is rarely longer than a 1/4 or 1/2 inch long so hair is something of a mystery to him!

:poot:<---And seriously, is this a farting smilie?

[carabean]

Wow! This is an interesting thread. My DH prefers BSL hair. But mostly, because he is an engineer, he likes tidy, well kept hair. (That means not dragging in the food!)

He is a real dear though, because most of what he wants is to see me happy. When we were first married, I kept it long because I didn't feel I could afford hair cuts. Now, I keep it long because I love long hair. It is a real difference in my attitude!

However, someone made the point about jealousy. I think men notice long hair and someone who doesn't want the best for you may find that threatening.