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bytheocean
January 6th, 2011, 06:14 PM
I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does. For the first time in months I wore my hair down at work instead of in the usual bun. I just wanted a change and I had braided my hair the night before when it was still damp and it had dried in a nice wave pattern.

So I just got to work and a coworker said hello and then asked to see how long my hair had gotten. So I turned around to show her and she gasped and said it had gotten long and scraggly. Then she proceeded to tell me that I needed to get a hair cut to straighten out the ends in a straight line and get rid of split ends.

I was so stunned that I didn't even respond to her comments. And what could I have said that would make her understand that I have curly hair so a blunt hemline would never look blunt dried and that my ends are actually fairytale and I like them like that? So I said nothing and then twirled my hair up real quick and hid it from other prying eyes.

Sadly, I think she honestly thought she was giving me sound advice.

Have any of you gotten ugly comments as well?

GoddesJourney
January 6th, 2011, 06:32 PM
She was giving you well-intended, thoughtless advice. She just assumed that you prefer your hair the way she would prefer it if it were hers. It was presumptuous of her. Nothing more. She probably had no idea.

MrsGuther
January 6th, 2011, 06:49 PM
Don't you sometimes wish there was a button you could press that would make a mechanical arm punch somebody that's making rude comments right in the kisser? *POW*
That would be awesome.. Some people have zero tact and no filter from what their little puny brains have going on inside. Don't listen to the naysayers!!! I'm sure she was just being hateful and having hair envy. Don't let her rude comments get you down.
I've got your back!!! :)

Rocket22
January 6th, 2011, 06:52 PM
I have to say before LHC I probably would have thought that (not about YOUR hair) but of course never would said anything only because I was clueless to hair.. I had never heard of fairytale ends and thought only thing that was considered healthy was a blunt cut. but now I love all hem lines and think Im leaning more to fairytale to u shape... huh who would have thunk it.

So take that hair out and be proud of it.. wear your hair for you not anyone else!!! people that know hair will appreciate it and the others can stay in the dark.. :)

LaurelSpring
January 6th, 2011, 06:55 PM
I ran into this also. I am a member of the local Moose lodge and they seem to make everything their business. Anyway, they made no bones about telling me my hair looked scraggly and that wearing it up made me look matronly. The flip side is that now that it is past waist its a whole different story... :eyebrows:

Dont pay any attention to these people.

Arya
January 6th, 2011, 07:07 PM
Go listen to that new song by Cee Lo Green, F*** You, or whatever other songs make you more confident in your own decisions. people have no place commenting on other people's hair like that. Are they a professional hair dresser? No? Then I belieeeve that would make it not her business? I bet she had mom hair :p

spidermom
January 6th, 2011, 07:23 PM
Oh yes; everybody gets something like that at one time or another. My father told me that my hair looked like a "big old mess" in 2009. Difference is - I don't care.

I actually pestered a friend several times to let me trim her hair way back when I had no idea somebody else's hair is none of my business. Yes, some of us really ARE (or were) that clueless. Don't be upset. If anything, be sorry for us. We didn't get the memo about manners.

Copasetic
January 6th, 2011, 08:00 PM
I have received plenty of rude comments about my hair, but they don't bother me. I have a pretty thick skin and don't really require that other people think I look good.

Vani1902
January 6th, 2011, 08:09 PM
Don't pay attention to it. Sounds easier said than done. But, you have to remember that people have been brainwashed by Pantene commercials to view hair a certain way. I have gotten stupid or mean comments all my life. I have just learned to brush it off.

see_turtle
January 6th, 2011, 08:12 PM
Go listen to that new song by Cee Lo Green, F*** You, or whatever other songs make you more confident in your own decisions. people have no place commenting on other people's hair like that. Are they a professional hair dresser? No? Then I belieeeve that would make it not her business? I bet she had mom hair :p


THIS!
*opens you tube and jams out*
That woman is thoughtless and rude. I'm sure your hair is gorgeous.

jezebel17
January 6th, 2011, 08:21 PM
So annoying!!! Even though she probably said it innocently, some people need to learn to keep their thoughts to themselves.

I slept over my cousin's house recently and left the bathroom with wet hair.It was the first time she saw my hair down in a while, so she yelled "Oh My God your hair got soo long... BUT it's soo thin. You really need to cut it some."

I know it look thin because it was wet, but it bugged the hell out of me.

Sorry you had to go through that. Don't let it stop you from wearing your hair down though.

Malibu Barbie
January 6th, 2011, 08:26 PM
I had hurt my back a while back and went to therapy. One of the women that worked there always had something to say about my hair. First it was, "How long did it take to get those extensions?. Another time she walked up, grabbed my ponytail and said, "I just want to cut this off". Everytime I went in it was always a comment. When I left, I looked at her and said, "Whats it like, being so jealous over another womens hair? She looked shocked.. I reported the place and never went back. I ask myself all the time what is wrong with people... Another time I was getting a manicure. The women next to me was going on and on, the reasons she would never have long hair like mine.. She listed it all like I wasn't even in the room.. Everyone around her was shocked by her rudeness.. I just looked at the lady and said, "I like my hair, it on my head not yours, get over it.

Lostsoule77
January 6th, 2011, 08:42 PM
She obviously doesn't know any better and was trying to (in her mind) help you. Don't let it get to you. You are growing your hair for you and you are the only one who has to like it. If other people don't then that is their loss, not yours. If you want to wear your hair down and flaunt those fairytale ends then you do so proudly!

BTW, if you are normally friendly with this coworker I wouldn't let it affect that either. Perhaps tell her what you told us if you are comfortable doing so. If not just take it in stride that she was trying to help and continue how you normally do with her unless she continues to hurt you. Just my 2 cents. :)

McFearless
January 6th, 2011, 08:45 PM
Give her the finger next time.

Fufu
January 7th, 2011, 01:02 AM
Don't take her comments too hard.

As long as you like your own hair, treat unpleasant comments like dust (Brush them off)

hehe, I like fairy tale ends too.

Dragon
January 7th, 2011, 01:23 AM
Don’t let it get to you. I think she is just saying what she thinks even tho she should keep her opinion to herself since you didn’t ask for it. If that happen to me I probably would tell them my hair grows like this and I like it.

christine1989
January 7th, 2011, 01:28 AM
Although her advice was well intentioned it never ceases to suprise me when grown adults forget to think before they talk. It seems that long hair has a way of making otherwise polite people throw social tact to the wind :nono:.

julliams
January 7th, 2011, 01:34 AM
I bet she is one of those well intended people that speaks before they think. You did the right thing saying nothing - I'm sure she thought about it later and wished she hadn't. She most likely sees fault in things before she sees beauty - that's her probem, not yours. Stick to your idea of what you want and don't let her comments change how you feel about your hair.

BunnyBee
January 7th, 2011, 02:34 AM
What a rude, obnoxious woman. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

Out of curiosity, how long is her hair? A lot of the time such comments stem from envy.. Maybe she can't grow her hair. Also I have heard (there was an magazine article posted somewhere here) that some women see long haired ladies as threatening, since long hair signifies youth and femininity... :p

frost pattern
January 7th, 2011, 02:45 AM
Sometimes when they're surprised, people say something just to say something and forget to gear their brain. Long hair down is rarely seen in the wild, so she had TV hair in her mind when she opened her mouth. She probably didn't realise the impact she caused. Is there a chance to tell her? Otherwise, you may not want to give it a second thought. She didn't either I suppose.

Apparently she was very surprised. Take it as a compliment on your length and growing success :cool:.

I've been growing for only a year now and never wear my hair down. No bothering comments so far - but I got a lot when my hair was shorter and damaged by styling.

skaempfer
January 7th, 2011, 04:38 AM
Sometimes when they're surprised, people say something just to say something and forget to gear their brain. Long hair down is rarely seen in the wild, so she had TV hair in her mind when she opened her mouth. She probably didn't realise the impact she caused. Is there a chance to tell her? Otherwise, you may not want to give it a second thought. She didn't either I suppose.

Apparently she was very surprised. Take it as a compliment on your length and growing success :cool:.

I've been growing for only a year now and never wear my hair down. No bothering comments so far - but I got a lot when my hair was shorter and damaged by styling.

I second that about TV hair. It's sort of like natural faces. People are so used to make-up and airbrushing. Really, the "hair" on many of those shampoo commercials has more in common with cartoons than with hair. I also agree that she probably spoke with out thinking and/or was trying to think of bad things about it to make herself feel less inferior. Both are possible; future behavior will tell. Try not to let it bother you.


I said it once and I'll say it again- for some odd reason, pregnancy, infants and hair seem to bring out the 'unsolicited advice' beast in people more than any other topics.

On the other hand, if you *want* opinions on your hair, just post a picture here and plenty of us would be happy to opinionate :D

Lozzie
January 7th, 2011, 04:44 AM
I had hurt my back a while back and went to therapy. One of the women that worked there always had something to say about my hair. First it was, "How long did it take to get those extensions?. Another time she walked up, grabbed my ponytail and said, "I just want to cut this off". Everytime I went in it was always a comment. When I left, I looked at her and said, "Whats it like, being so jealous over another womens hair? She looked shocked.. I reported the place and never went back. I ask myself all the time what is wrong with people... Another time I was getting a manicure. The women next to me was going on and on, the reasons she would never have long hair like mine.. She listed it all like I wasn't even in the room.. Everyone around her was shocked by her rudeness.. I just looked at the lady and said, "I like my hair, it on my head not yours, get over it.

He he! You handled that soooo well! I used to get so much jealousy from girls and boys alike at school, then at my workplace and even now people say to me 'when are you going to cut all that hair off'? LOL i wear my hair up alot as i have a little boy who loves to grab it and it is also practical for work. It is now waistlength and it is really nice to have it down and flick it about when im with those foolish people who cant understand why we have long hair..

bytheocean
January 7th, 2011, 05:13 AM
Thank you all for the uplifting comments. I feel better about it this morning. Reflecting on it some more helped me realize it is just her style to blurt anything out, so it wasn't meant to come across the way it did.

lupiae
January 7th, 2011, 05:57 AM
Often happen also with my wife's hair.
Some people, as soon as they see it, say: is not unconfortable? So long are not fashion..why don't cut it short...short is jaunty, makes you younger...etc etc...
This kind of people think that TV e fashion are the law for everyone and that everyone have to comply, conform, with this!

If you think that your hair is nice and you love it...do not even listen to them! ;)

leoninnu
January 7th, 2011, 06:19 AM
I too used to get comments telling me to cut, colour, trim, do something, anything about my hair. But as soon as I figured the perfect come back people stopped commenting. Why's that :D Well anyway, next time someone has something rude to comment about my hair I'm going to say "Thank you for your kind advice! I want to return the favour and give you a good advice back. If someone doesn't ask you your opinion or advice don't give it."

But I guess this one will be yet another Murphy's Law and I never get to say it :3

LoveMyLongHair
January 7th, 2011, 06:46 AM
You're class far outweighs her rudeness. I know it's easier said than done, but just ignore her. She obviously could not help herself and *something* tells me that her hair is not *all that*. :eyebrows:

If it's any consolation, my mother now lives with me...:rolleyes:...and though she is growing HER hair out, she never ceases to miss *any* opportunity to be snarky about mine.....rude remarks, telling me I am just *crazy*....you get it. *shakes head*

Bothered me a lot at first, now I just shrug her off.......she is so negative about everything.....I just let it go.

Hugs you and your beautiful hair......it is, after all, YOURS and you enjoy it......so.......'nuff said.

stefafra
January 7th, 2011, 07:19 AM
Often happen also with my wife's hair.
Some people, as soon as they see it, say: is not unconfortable? So long are not fashion..why don't cut it short...short is jaunty, makes you younger...etc etc...
This kind of people think that TV e fashion are the law for everyone and that everyone have to comply, conform, with this!

If you think that your hair is nice and you love it...do not even listen to them! ;)
Wich are basically the same comments I get from friends and family every time I travel to Italy.
May be an Italian porblem?

frost pattern
January 7th, 2011, 07:23 AM
Thank you all for the uplifting comments. I feel better about it this morning. Reflecting on it some more helped me realize it is just her style to blurt anything out, so it wasn't meant to come across the way it did.

Good to read that :)!

If that happens again please keep in mind that hair is part of everyone's identity. It's a small part on people who simply grab their hair products in the next supermarket, and it's an important part on people like LHC members, who care for every single hair and every single millimetre of it, and even write messages in a hair forum ;)! So someone with a standard care doesn't realise to say something offending.

Hope this wasn't an unwanted advice - take care :)!

@stefafra: No, not only an Italian problem for sure. It's the same my mother told me all my life, and I don't live in Italy.

GRU
January 7th, 2011, 08:43 AM
Also keep in mind that most people are COMPLETELY CLUELESS that curly hair is just... well... "different" from straight hair.

It doesn't feel the same, it doesn't react the same to products, it doesn't react the same way to haircut techniques.... we curlies might as well be extraterrestrial beings for as little as most people understand about our hair.

Please continue to wear your hair down whenever the mood strikes -- not only for yourself, but also to empower other curlies and set an example for younger curlies who are growing up in a world where "straight is the only acceptable hair type". Women in general have had to fight back against sexual prejudice, racial minorities have had to fight against skin-color prejudice, and we curlies have to fight back against hair-texture prejudice. We are all PEOPLE and we all have a right to exist on this earth as equals.

stefafra
January 7th, 2011, 10:00 AM
Also keep in mind that most people are COMPLETELY CLUELESS that curly hair is just... well... "different" from straight hair.

It doesn't feel the same, it doesn't react the same to products, it doesn't react the same way to haircut techniques.... we curlies might as well be extraterrestrial beings for as little as most people understand about our hair.

Please continue to wear your hair down whenever the mood strikes -- not only for yourself, but also to empower other curlies and set an example for younger curlies who are growing up in a world where "straight is the only acceptable hair type". Women in general have had to fight back against sexual prejudice, racial minorities have had to fight against skin-color prejudice, and we curlies have to fight back against hair-texture prejudice. We are all PEOPLE and we all have a right to exist on this earth as equals.
Oh well, my mother has the straighter hair I've ever seen on a European (basically a "Asiatic" hair texture, to explain, thick, glossy and very very straight) and has desired all her life curly hair. Perms, sometime twice the same day because the first did not take, curlers, hot irons, you name, she did it.
Now she has a "practical short cut", and sleeps with curlers and half a ton of hair spray every day to keep it in shape, since her hair would otherwise grow straight out and up, too short for gravity to take hold.
I'm happy with my waves, when my hair is shorter (I did cut it almost pixie short once, to shut the "short is modern" relatives up and to see how it was) it curls up quite a lot, but I never had any desire to change texture. Let it do what it wants.
Looking at my mother wrestling with her hair has been a good lesson for me. And I'm happy I did not listen to the hairdresser that wanted to perm me once upon a long ago in the 80's.

PS:I've the impression that the "straight is best" thing is quite anglo-centered (UK and US).

slipperlady
January 7th, 2011, 11:45 AM
My sister and I are both over 50 and people have made rude comments, especially to her because her hair is past her bottom. Mine is close to waist but I have it pinned up a lot so people don't always know. The gist of it is that we are 'too old' for long hair. Sometimes I would like to take a serious look at something they are wearing or doing and comment the same thing to them (although I really don't care) just to see the reaction. But, I am trying to be sweet and understanding and just figure that it is their problem, not mine. So, try not to take rudeness personally. Unhappy people tend to say thoughtless things. I just take it as a lesson on what not to say to people. I know how it made me feel at first and I don't want to make someone else feel like that.

Sheltie_Momma
January 7th, 2011, 11:50 AM
Often happen also with my wife's hair.
Some people, as soon as they see it, say: is not unconfortable? So long are not fashion..why don't cut it short...short is jaunty, makes you younger...etc etc...
This kind of people think that TV e fashion are the law for everyone and that everyone have to comply, conform, with this!

If you think that your hair is nice and you love it...do not even listen to them! ;)

Because you know we all secretly crave to appear jaunty! :)

Babyfine
January 7th, 2011, 04:45 PM
Actually I haven't had any unsolicited negative comments about my hair at all and no one has ever given me a hard time about having long(er) hair at my age despite the fact the not very many in my area over 35(never mind MY age ) have long hair. I've even gotten some (sortof) compliments on my updos

However, I've learned not to ever talk about my hair or complain about it.(Except here)
One time I was complaining how thin my hair was to a friend and she agreed with me!
She basically said "Yes, your hair is quite thin, I bet it would look much thicker if you'd cut into a shorter style."

I felt terrible for days after that, even though I had opened myself to the comment.

Allychan
January 7th, 2011, 05:14 PM
I always found that the people who make these types of insulting comments have glaringly obvious faults of their own that tactful people just don't see the need to bring up or point out.
I used to be moderately attactive to look at but my husbands' best friend used to make a point of telling me how big my nose was. This came from an overweight, hairy, front tooth missing, balding man.
Maybe you have something she wishes she had (envy of your hair) and it made her feel better by critically analysing your hair?

Malibu Barbie
January 9th, 2011, 09:11 PM
I can't believe this women today.. She walked up and told me her mom wanted to know how much of my hair was real and how much fake? She said there was no way my hair could be so straight ( yesterday, I flat Ironed it) I looked at the women.. My hair is real..It's all mine and yes it is straight so what..She says," My mother doesn't believe you".. Oh brother, what is wrong with people....

frost pattern
January 10th, 2011, 12:15 AM
Oh brother, what is wrong with people....

The mother can't talk to people herself, and the daughter needs to rely on her mother for a personal view. They're trapped in that circle I suppose and wasted your time. The address of someone doing extensions is probably what the wanted to ask for. Poor people! There's nothing more to it.