Too much attention

[WaitingSoLong]

Ok, who doesn't like a hair compliment? I love them. But I realized last night there can be an excess, believe it or not.

I was going to braid my hair, but ended up washing it instead and wearing it down. I wore a silk shirt just for the occasion. It was a Christmas dinner for my husband's work (very small company, I think there were maybe 10 adults and all their kids there). We know these people pretty well. I wear my hair up enough that, apparently, they had not seen me with it down for quite some time. (AND I wore make-up, very rare LOL)

I got LOTS of hair compliments. But after about TEN, I started to squirm. I would turn and catch people staring at my hair. LONGINGly (the teen girls). The one guy my DH works with asked me one of the classic DUMB long hair questions TWICE. "Was your hair that long the last time I saw you?" (about 6 months ago). NO, I said, I GREW IT ALL SINCE THEN. Well he wouldn't let it go. Told me there was no way I could fit all that hair into the small bun he had seen me in (he had NEVER seen me with my hair down, he is new to the company). So I twisted it up real quick and showed him how compact it can be in a bun (ok, now I am giving hair demos as a Christmas Dinner?). I started to squirm about then.

My hair prompted a ladies conversation about how long their hair used to be and blah blah blah. I did not participate in that conversation. I never thought I would be ready for people to stop talking about my hair but seriously, I am introverted anyway and dislike being the topic of conversation and it took great amounts of self control not to run to the bathroom and put it all in a bun to end the drama. But then they would probably all talk about "how do you do that?" because I am sure they have never seen a hair stick, etc.

I guess I shoudl expect stuff like this, I mean, I guess my hair IS longer than most and it is blonde to boot which, now that I think of it, I cannot think of another long ahir around here with blonde hair.

It wasn't a horrible night, and a less shy person probably would have drank it in. Even my husband asnswered a few of the questions because they seriously could not believe I had that much hair and he could see I was growing weary of the attention. I dunno if they were thinking extensions or wig or what? I mean, surely they have seen hair as long as mine before?

But I didn't realize my hair was such a distraction, or centerpiece, or whatever. I mean, I am JUST A WOMAN and it is JUST MY HAIR. Of course I AM proud of my hair and it all sure stroked my ego. I have not been to a social function like that in years (except family only) and I guess I didn't realize that passing comments are nice, but when you are stuck with the people for a few hours it can get excessive.

I learned how to take compliments without feeling the need to degrade myself in the process (like, oh thanks but really its a pain).

Hey, at least not ONE of them criticized anything, like "you should cut it" or stupid crap like that. I should really be grateful. Thanks for "listening", I am just working through the unexpected barrage and pausing to find out how I feel about it all. How I feel about my hair being the centerpiece of my "looks".

PHEW. I feel better now. Just had to get that out.

[Nae]

I hate that when people do that about any personal trait. I have seen them all pile on about being overweight or under, being too tall or too short ect.

You had the unfortunate experience of being a conversation piece. I have had that happen to me too and I really feel your pain. *hugs*

[Themyst]

I would have handled the situation exactly as you did. I rarely wear my hair down anymore, lest I must brace myself for the barrage of "Wow! Your hair is really long!" (oh, I didn't know that), and the rest of the 'how do you' questions. :rolleyes:

I just try to deal with it graciously while turning red and trying to plan my escape. :p

[dropinthebucket]

I mean, surely they have seen hair as long as mine before

Maybe not! :D

But how great, their life experience has just expanded, thanks to you - now they know there can be long hair!

And the more of that around, the better. ;)

[Angeletti]

I don't blame you I'm the same way, it would really stress me out if I had a group of people paying attention to me all at once like that. Luckily you got through it and just make sure to wear your hair up for next year's party if you go : )

[mrs_coffee]

I probably would have run into the bathroom to hide. I *hate* attention like that. I think you handled yourself really well.

[jasper]

Your hair is beautiful and remarkable (not to add to the pile on ;) ). It sounds like the dinner party host/hostess could have been more attentive to your comfort and introduced a new topic of conversation.

[spidermom]

It's hard to imagine long hair taking up such a big chunk of the conversation. I don't think it would happen around here. I guess you'll be wearing it up after this.

[Dreams_in_Pink]

You're so lucky! I've never been the center of discussion for the beauty of my hair.(unless i'm wearing some extensions)

[bluesnowflake]

As a fellow introvert, I feel your pain- the compliments are nice, but I hate being the center of attention. My hair isn't as long as yours (just waist) but I still get the endless comments. I find a simple thanks and then a change of topic works pretty well.

[rusika1]

It can be really difficult to socialize with virtual strangers (which is what the families of coworkers usually are). Finding a non-loaded, innocuous topic of conversation can seem like a godsend to people who are struggling to be sociable. Unfortunately, you (or rather, your hair) happened along at just the right time.

Next time, arrive with a handy mental list of fluffy chat, suitable for holiday parties. (Oh my gosh, the neighbors came by just before we left, singing carols. It reminded me of [fill in the blank] when we were kids. Did anybody else do that?) They will thank you for throwing them a conversational life ring.:)

[lapushka]

I totally get why you'd feel awkward and a little creeped out at all the attention, because your hair was not why you were there, but hey... at least it was positive attention.

[misstwist]

It can be really difficult to socialize with virtual strangers (which is what the families of coworkers usually are). Finding a non-loaded, innocuous topic of conversation can seem like a godsend to people who are struggling to be sociable. Unfortunately, you (or rather, your hair) happened along at just the right time.

Next time, arrive with a handy mental list of fluffy chat, suitable for holiday parties. (Oh my gosh, the neighbors came by just before we left, singing carols. It reminded me of [fill in the blank] when we were kids. Did anybody else do that?) They will thank you for throwing them a conversational life ring.:)

It's difficult to overstress this. Just a couple conversational starters in your repertoire will make you a charming conversationalist.

This can make those of us who are introverted feel more confident in social interactions because we are exercising some control over our environment.

[Speedbump]

First of all, big hugs from one who has been there and wished for a "beam me up Scottie" moment when it all became a bit too much and wore out all patience. :blossom:

The one good thing about this sort of experience is, once you've had it, you know you are in Long Hair Freakyland for sure, and that if you don't want to Hear All About It, good or bad, just wear it up. Good and tight. :lol: No one will believe "all of that" can fit in "that bun." I call it my Stealth Mode. Then when you're in private, you can :flasher: the locks all you want with no "OMG" stuff to deal with. :cool:

[allurose]

I hate getting comments on my hair because most people say it as small talk. They comment or ask questions but you can tell they don't really care because they aren't listening to the answer. Mostly I hate answering the same questions over and over.

Yesterday I got the best compliment ever, though. The guy checking out my groceries complimented my hair and asked if I did it myself. It was in an updo, and it's the first time I've ever been complimented on an updo I did myself. Somehow it is less awkward to be complimented on a skill (making a nice updo) than on an extension of your body (having long hair).

[Catia]

no "OMG" stuff to deal with. :cool:

Yes. This drives me crazy. I wish I could enjoy myself [my hair] without the *obligation*. I feel better about how I look with my hair down but yet have to "mainstream it up" for sanity. Not really fair IMO.

You did good to not use self-depreciating tactics to deflect the anxiety. This can be really tempting when the comments seem too effusive.

In my life right now I keep my hair at classic because after 30 years I am so freakin' sick to death of dealing with other's "freak parade" attitude. It's not really a good reaction on my behalf as I am allowing others to influence my choices ... but I have to be honest and say that it does (to a degree) :shrug:

Yes, coming armed with quick-change subjects is helpful. I do the same thing, however, I think it is fair to vent about the inane gawking that isn't fun to maneuver around.

[ravenlily]

I understand completely, somewhere in those conversations its easy to feel like your more of a conversation piece than a person, even if its just nice things that are said...
My hair is short so I don´t get the long hair-comments, but I feel very uncomfortable when some people think that my looks is something they can discuss freely.

[WaitingSoLong]

It sounds like the dinner party host/hostess could have been more attentive to your comfort and introduced a new topic of conversation.

I think she thought she was being nice and didn't know what else to say but to compliment my hair. Which is fine...for a second. The fact it turned into a whole conversation was unpredicted. LOL


It can be really difficult to socialize with virtual strangers (which is what the families of coworkers usually are). Finding a non-loaded, innocuous topic of conversation can seem like a godsend to people who are struggling to be sociable. Unfortunately, you (or rather, your hair) happened along at just the right time.

Next time, arrive with a handy mental list of fluffy chat, suitable for holiday parties. (Oh my gosh, the neighbors came by just before we left, singing carols. It reminded me of [fill in the blank] when we were kids. Did anybody else do that?) They will thank you for throwing them a conversational life ring.:)

Very well said. I am really too introverted to start new topics and I was probably the least known person there (everyone else seemed better acquainted). I had not been to a social function in so long, now I remember why I am so introverted. I just want to become one with my chair and hope no one notices me but threw all that out the door with my (apparently) very noticeable hair! Live and learn. Next time I will have some topics ready.


First of all, big hugs from one who has been there and wished for a "beam me up Scottie" moment when it all became a bit too much and wore out all patience. :blossom:
(edited for length) I call it my Stealth Mode. Then when you're in private, you can :flasher: the locks all you want with no "OMG" stuff to deal with. :cool:

I really appreciate all the other introverts patting my back here. I probably blushed a time or two. I do not think well on my feet. I have a few pat answers I have come up with for the hair comments as I am recieving them more and more lately, I must have reached some magic length or something.

I wear my hair up pretty much all the time except special occasions. Those occasions are usually: dinner with my man, Christmas and mother's day or something. It just depends. I wear it up at buffets because, well, I just feel like I need to so people don't think I am dragging my hair through the food or something LOL. I hate to wear it up just to avoid being the topic of conversation. I will just have to learn to change the subject, or at least LEAD the subject. (yeh right).

Who knows when there will be a next time. Me and DH never go to stuff like this. He has worked there 10 years and this is the first time the boss has had a dinner like this. When we were asked to go, we both looked like deer in headlights because he is introverted, too, however, he knows these people much better than me.

It didn't last ALL night. We got into a serious game of Euchre (finally!) and it died about then.

And I agree with the person who said that maybe I passed along a long-hair experience for them and maybe I inspired someone to grow theirs out? I am always trying to "evangelize" people into growing their hair (but only if they say 'I wish my hair was that long'...I know some people prefer shorter hair and even look better that way.) To each his own! But I say to people who say they CAN'T grow their hair out that they are just not that determined! I used to think that, too!(of course there are some medical exceptions)

[princessp]

I don't blame you I'm the same way, it would really stress me out if I had a group of people paying attention to me all at once like that. Luckily you got through it and just make sure to wear your hair up for next year's party if you go : )

Yeah, I feel the same. I rarely wear my hair down in public for this same reasons and my hair is not even close to being as long or beautiful as yours. I definitely feel you on this one. :)

[DreadfulWoman]

I am :agree: to a lot of the comments here. This is one reason my hair is usually 'up.' The comments I get are almost always nice, but there is something kind of bizarre about people paying that much attention to a part of my body, and having it be a topic of conversation.

That doesn't mean you have to spend all your time in stealth mode, though. You just have to be prepared for what can happen when you wear it down. I usually wear mine down when I am feeling a little more extroverted, and can deal with the attention it gets. I've even been known to slip back into stealth mode quite suddenly if it starts to get out of hand. :couch:

[heidi w.]

1. That high degree of blonde going on, in any light, trust me, is a show stopper. So yep to the states.

2. Whenever I wear my hair down I anticipate I will be slowed down....at the grocery store, at the hardware store, at a restaurant.

3. This hair length stuff in today's general fashions is a big curiosity point. People relate to hair in their own way: when they had, what they did, how they felt about it.....they don't necessarily realize they're embarassing you or holding you up somehow from your day......they're curious, and frankly, it's a bit normal. Since it was a company event, staying put was probably best.

4. I've had neighbors comment about my hair not being able to fit in such a bun, but us finer types, with a lot of hair, yep, it gets pretty compact. Even the professional long hair enthusiasts can be dead wrong about how much hair is goin' on up in that ole bun.

Your experience, the frame of my experience, is normal. I try to be patient and anticipate that I'm going to get stopped in my tracks, and asked all manner of questions.

And yes to catching folks staring at you.

Another reason I don't wear it down all that often. But a Christmas party is a good excuse.

heidi w.

[sayshell]

if they were thinking extensions or wig or what? I mean, surely they have seen hair as long as mine before?


I have never seen anyone with blonde hair like yours in my life and it really does amaze me and if I met you I would bug you to death about it. If you started sending negative gestures like answering everything as yes/no I would change the topic but I mean your hair is fascinating sorry.

[misstwist]

Yes, coming armed with quick-change subjects is helpful. I do the same thing, however, I think it is fair to vent about the inane gawking that isn't fun to maneuver around.

I absolutely agree that it's fair to vent about gawking. I also try to learn from uncomfortable experiences and figure out how I could change the situation if I was in it again.

Not jumping on you Catia, just explaining my reasoning. :p

[Milui Elenath]

Yes, I agree you can have too much attention.

Something like this happened to me recently so I definitely understand how uncomfortable it can be and the thing is I consider myself an extrovert. I went willingly to an event where I knew only one person and the rest of the people were her family. I had to keep deflecting the conversation back to other things other than hair and found it a bit tiring. (Don't get me wrong, they were lovely people and I did have a great time but still . . . )

I think anyone feels uncomfortable under such attention when it continues over a certain time but you (OP) seemed to have handled it beautifully. Now that it is over you can enjoy the compliments! :)

[arc691]

That's one of the reasons I don't wear my hair down, either; and even when it's in a braid, people sometimes come up and want to pick it up and hold it---aaaahhhgggg!!!:taz:

[jaine]

I am really not looking forward to the commentary when my hair is longer!! I did the same at my holiday party (wearing it down even though I usually wear it up) and I only got 2 hair comments but I was still squirming. And mine is only shoulder length. Bleh.

The worst is the non-compliment "your hair is so long!". That gives me about the same feeling i get when someone tells me "you don't talk much!"... it's true, yet completely beside the point and uncomfortable.

[MajorasMask]

This story was a good LOL xD thank you for Letting it out, I wish I could be frustrated by hair attention!

[BeccaAngel]

if i had hair that long, i would love to get attention for that. but i do understand the questions thing, i get over whelmed by too many questions. best of luck though

[Arctic_Mama]

That'll teach you to wear your hair down ;)

Darn those over-complimentary friends you have!

Jk!

[WaitingSoLong]

I don't think I could ever have vented about the issue (other than here). I am far too shy/polite. I can be sarcastic sometimes but around almost strangers, well, I just clam up. Besides, I knew they were not trying to make me feel ackward. Probably they thought I was loving it. I really only listened, and that from another table. Every one of the females there complimented my hair, even the little kids. Only one of the men said anything, and it wasn't really a compliment. He is the one who went on and on about whether my hair was that long the last time he saw me. He is a rather...loud...person anyway.

I feel like I handled the situation ok, but next time will definitely have some topic changers in mind. After all this, I decided to wear my hair in a braid or up for the Christmas program tonight. I was going to wear it down (I am in several parts of the program) but figure it will distract from the program. Sort of a shame, really. LOL. I have to wear all black and my hair DOES look stunning when I am in black (my favorite color to wear) Also, I think I will wear it up for Christmas Day with the family. They just saw me at Thanksgiving but I think I had my hair up then, too.

So now I will try to find a more elegant up-do that I can actually do for the special occasions where I don't want the extra attention or to be a distraction. Hmm...probably will not have time to look today.

I just realized, I bet hardly anyone remembers my name. I am probably now the girl with the long hair. One of the little girls seemed afraid of me. I think she is 7. Not sure if it was my hair or I was just the only one there she did not know.

You all have been quite encouraging and helpful. I love you all!!! And thanks for the extra compliments. I certainly was NOT fishing!

[Dani]

It's all good; let it out. ;) I am seriously introverted too, and don't mind talking to one or two people at once, but a lot of people for prolonged periods of time... about ME?! Aaagggghhhhh *runs screaming* I can imagine how much that sucked. Anyway, people are a trip, you've got ridiculously gorgeous hair- whatareyougonnado? :p ;) :D This calls for plenty of downtime, methinks. 8)

[trolleypup]

Also an introvert, but on hair, I am on My Ground, so to speak, so talking about hair doesn't much bother me. Also, for some years at work, I was in a position that was always the center of attention, so that also took a bit of the edge off as well.

However, the first thing to remember is that everyone there (probably even Mr LoudGuy) was being complimentary and meant well. Even if the results weren't so good on your end...it also took me a long time to realize/understand that, to each of them, their questions and comments are new, and likely out of their comfort zone (so less coherent, etc.)

Especially if you are in a place with few long hairs, getting heavy commentary is part of the toll for having long hair. Either you keep it up, or you learn some coping mechanisms...like, if there was a party there next year, you probably would get less commentary, or have a suite of responses and diversions. Or just go all the way...sometimes I do that...yakyakyak...put the hair up and let it down a few times...that can push it over the top and people move on to other things.

[FullMoonTrim]

Sounds like it was just tooooo much focus on you when you just wanted to be one of the guests and not the feature of the whole night!! Your hair is really beautiful and with "Rapunzel" in the air (movie release) maybe it was really fun and magical for these people to meet their very own Rapunzel. Sorry, maybe these comments aren't helping.
I personally get really uncomfortable when too much focus is put on me and any one feature. At parties, I just want to blend in...

[Capybara]

Oh I'm sorry, that would be an uncomfortable situation.

I thought that the hair comments would stop when I cut it, but in fact, they haven't lessened at all. Where before my hair was long and I had zero volume, now I have shorter hair and more volume than I know what to do with. Apparently the bouncy waves garbed just as much attention :o

You sound like you dealt with it well, though, under the circumstances. :flower:

[Athena's Owl]

i've been reading the journal of cosmetic science and one of the articles I read stated that less than 1% of all women in the US have hair that is longer than waist length. Your hair length is rare and unusual. It will attract notice.

[long&blonde]

Totally relate. You are not alone. Tons of compliments & looks can be very unsettling. Kudos for not running to the bathroom, if not to put your hair in a bun: to escape out a window! I like to "fly under the radar." :)