Boyfriend's super matting + ponytail damage

[nmarie33]

Hi all,

Until recently my boyfriend has always had longer hair than me - however, between about December 2009 - May 2010 he was very ill, and had to spend a lot of time in bed. His hair is really fine and tends to mat, so it was really a huge dredlock a lot of the time despite how I would try to detangle and care for it.

He's fine physically now, but it looks like he has lost several inches of length and his ponytail is way skinnier. His hemline is also pretty sad looking, sort of like an upside down U. I think that's because of the constant ponytail that could get all dredded around itself while he spent so much time in bed.

I've done everything I can think of for him to help growth and protect what hair he has left. I bought silk pillowcases, mixed up an essential oil concoction to rub on his head, bought biotin for him, he's using a hairsafe brush, and I try to braid his hair to protect it from getting tangled as often as he will let me. But in all honesty, it just looks pretty sad.

At this point I'm wondering if it might just be better for him to cut it to shoulder or collerbone length and start fresh from there. He has mentioned chopping some of it too. It just makes me so sad - his hair hasn't been that short since junior high, and it's a huge part of his identity (he's a heavy metal musician).

I'm mostly just venting here I guess. I feel bad for him. I've looked around for some photos of men with shoulder or so length hair because I'm just not picturing him with it, and to be honest I'm coming up with a lot of Brad Pitt type photos that look pretty femme to me! I just can't picture him looking normal with hair that short, but it's in such a sad state now! What to do? I'm really hoping now that it will even grow back thicker, long, and decent again, and that his illness didn't destroy the hair permanently. :( Poor guy.

[Rabya-Khadija]

Ahh that's really bad, maybe he'll like it shorter... even a trim can make you feel really confident and new! I've always liked much shorter hair on men(no more than half an inch)Maybe you'll be suprised and like it on him too? :)

[gretchen_hair]

I read that title as "Super Mating and PonyTail Dance" hehe (no advice, I just had to notate that) ;)

[AnnaJamila]

I read that title as "Super Mating and PonyTail Dance" hehe (no advice, I just had to notate that) ;)

Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

*Wipes tear from eye*

Well, if it looks awful the way it is now from the damage, it can only improve. And hair is hair, it grows back. Though it may take forever... and ever... and ever... and ever...

[orbiting]

While I'm not sure of it's affect on his hair growth, a cut may make him feel better.

My DH, when we got together, had waist length hair that was thin and fine and tangling. I started out by cutting his hair to mid-back, then we figured out what was wrong with his scalp. He started using Neutrogena TGel Daily Use shampoo/conditioner, and rather than constantly ponytailing his hair, he lets it down more, or I braid it for him. I also switched him from the skinny no-metal holders, to thicker ones, putting less stress on his hair. His hair has doubled, if not tripled in thickness and is reaching his waist again...

But that first step, of cutting it? Helped him immensely self-esteem wise.

[HoneyJubilee]

When I was little I had a terrible time with mats in my hair. My hair ties itself up in a knot if you just look at it wrong :p To make things worse I had a brush that wouldn't go all the way through my hair, so I just ended up doing a lot of damage to my hair but not getting the mats out.

Using a wide toothed comb helped work through the mats and completely remove them. I didn't chop off any huge amounts all at once, but I did end up trimming off 2" or so a couple times a year for a while. I didn't really gain much length during that time but it helped with thickening up my hemline. My hair was at mid-back at the time.

Good luck! I hope you're able to find some way to help him.

[Anatheme]

As a friend of several (and huge fan of! :p) guys of the long-haired metalhead type, and a girlfriend to one, I understand how important that long hair is to the outward expression of their identity. I'm really sorry this happened. :(

I think trimming 1-3 inches or so to improve the hemline would be the best way to go, and then if he wants to avoid losing any more length he could just keep it up/in a ponytail until the condition starts to improve. I'm confident it will improve - I don't think the damage would be permanent; just damage due to the matting and shedding due to his illness - it will just take time. Good luck. :)