I need some encouragement...

[nena_shawty]

:( i desperately want to grow my hair out really long.. but both my mom and dad they dont believe in me and they criticize the way I do things with my hair ... my mom would just say well thats a stupid idea and my dad would just complain about having to go down town to get me some coconut oil.. sice im still at home and i dont have a transpotation so my dad has to take me so he says why do you need that ,you dont need that .... and it driving me nuts how am i supossed to grow my hair out when my mom thinks everything i do is a stupid idea one day she just made me cry:wail: because she was really rude about something concerning my hair .. shes a real sweet lady but when it comes to beauty she is closed to all ideas .. she has long hair herself but its really damaged because she doesnt take care of her hair or her appeareance maybe because she is naturally beautiful but any ways what should i do!!:confused:

im still at home with my parents i dont have a job so i still depend on their money and them taking me places when i need something and if i dont have their support then its really hard to get things for my hair please can somebody say something to lift my spirits:(



haha today my mom wanted me to do an oiling on her hair like i do with my hair she got her hair trimmed and she had to chop a good deal off and she hates to have to chop the lenghth..because it was really damaged so i think she wanted to start taking care of her hair like i do lol lol.. she even let me put a plastick bag on her head:D:D:D:D:cheese:

[embee]

I was always in trouble about my hair when I was your age and a bit younger.

Maybe it is time for you to find some part time work so you have some money of your own and do not need to answer to anyone else?

Also, many of us have found that things work better if we don't discuss our hair and hair care routines with other people. If we're not doing the things in magazines or on TV other people often think we're doing wrong, so maybe try not talking about your hair to your family?

Hair can grow well enough without oils and special things. Growing is what hair does. :)

[mali]

nena_shawty,no matter what anybody says,I can assure you,your hair is beautiful.It's so shiny,smooth and healthy!
Don't let anybody put you down.Wether it is your mom,dad,dog,aunt,uncle etc.They don't have a right.You're old enough to make your own decisions and it was your decision to grow your hair long.Next time just lay it off.Don't give up,your hair is very very pretty!

[Laurenji]

I agree, lay low and don't talk about it.

Also, poke around and look at the hair care recipes that use common household items, like olive oil, honey, aloe vera gel, cinnamon, apple cider vinegar (or even white vinegar), or other things. That way you don't have to ask your parents to buy weird things for your hair, and they won't be so suspicious of it. That way you can start getting better results without having to a) ask your parents for money/transportation, or b) have them actively notice the "odd" things you're doing to your hair.

Once you get a job and/or move out of the house, then you can start experimenting with more exotic things like coconut oil or catnip or whatever.

[christine1989]

I simply won't put up with people calling me stupid. My parents know if they said that to me it would be the end of them. You should definatly tell them that your hair practices are unconventional but NOT stupid. Most likely they only say that because they don't understand your type of hair care. Try explaining your reasoning behind it and maybe that will change their perspective.

When I first tried oiling, washing less frequently and taking hair suppliments my whole family thought I was a bit insane but when they started seeing how much better my hair was they actually started trying all of the "weird" hair care tips I had picked up. Hopefully your parents will see your hair getting healthier and start taking you seriously.

[nena_shawty]

aww thankyou your so sweet

[Arya]

You can try using something other than coconut oil? What about extra-light olive oil? Yoghurt? eggs? You can use all sorts of regular stuff from the grocery store for hair treatments.

Have you tried sitting down with your mother and talking to her about this?

You could also do some part time work to make your own money. Someone always needs a baby-sitter!

[nena_shawty]

U guys r so nice! Thanx

[mireillemt]

My parents and I used to have many "battles" that were quite similar to what you described. In the end, I just had to remind myself that they meant well, they love me and they just want what's best for me. However, parents are not infallible and often don't know what's best. I think when it comes to your hair, you're old enough to decide for yourself what you want. They don't need to approve. And you have lots of support right here!

When it comes to the coconut oil, I'll second what many others have said. There are many other things that you can try to help out your hair. I started using olive oil because it was just lying around. I'm sure you'll find something. Your hair will keep growing just the same!

[thatjengirl1]

I really understand where your coming from.
Some of my friends, and family make me feel like i'm stupid for going through great lengths of taking care of my hair.
But i really don't care. i'm passionate about long hair like you, and no one is going to rain on my parade :D

[Kirin]

Remember, though there is tons of good advice on this forum, it IS possible to grow long healthy hair with just shampoo and conditioner. Healthy too. I know, I've had super long (back of the knee hair) through my teens without thinking about it too much. Just stay away from blow frying, curling Irons, and damaging products.

When you get things like birthday or christmas money, hold onto it for when they go to a store and you go along, then pick up some of your own things.

Fear not, and if they do not like your ideas, remember, they aren't reading what you are reading, and some of the things might seem crazy. Stick with the basics, you'll do fine!

[Dragon]

I agree to not talk about your hair to your family and there are things you may already have at home you can use like olive oil and eggs which are a great protein treatment.

[Dreams_in_Pink]

Well, i have the same problem that you do. My mom always criticizes me if she sees me using or buying an unconventional hair product. I solved the issue by going shopping alone and getting one thing at a time. I'm given some money "just in case" and i use it little by little so no-one ever notices :D hair stuff aren't that expensive too. Sometimes, when the thing i'm using is WAY too silly, i just hide it from her :D

She asked for it! lol

[mrs_coffee]

I think parents sometimes have a difficult time with their kids growing up and making choices for themselves that they would not have made. It's kind of a sign to them that you are an adult and out of their control and you don't need them anymore. Some parents react badly to that.

As long as you are happy with your hair, your parents might come around eventually, or at least accept that this is what you're going to do.

Hang in there. :)

[SpinDance]

Many of the things we use on our hair that are unconventional are food ingredients. Perhaps you could ask to cook something that needs coconut oil, or whatever, as an ingredient?

I have very few non-LHC'ers to talk to about the hair things I have learned here. Most wouldn't care, and some would just not understand. I find it is not worth talking about most of the time.

[spidermom]

I think it will be more peaceful for you to avoid talking about your hair and asking for special things. Many people grow perfectly lovely hair without doing anything more than washing it and leaving it alone. As has already been suggested, just use what is already available to you.

[Purdy Bear]

Well I think when they realise they dont have to have your hair cut then they might be better about it.

Cant you get your grandparents or friends involved with shopping for things for you, or going over a friends house to have a sleep over and do hair treatments.

One thing I would love to do is to get a group of my friends together once a week, and do everything hair and nails on that night. Watch the best hair movies, try out stuff on my nails, try out up dos on each other and so on. It would be a total blast.

Its a shame your mother isnt on board as it could be a really good bonding experience.

I must admit, I had to do a bit of smuggling in with my Mum. A teacher gave me a comb to do my rat tails when I was about 10, I hid it but unfortunately my mother got it and took it away. I was distraught as Id got my hair just right, I went to the teacher but she couldnt help, but luckily I found a great comb on the path when walking back from school. It was amazing! I hid it outside and kept it for years.

[ChloeDharma]

Its a shame your mother isnt on board as it could be a really good bonding experience.



This particularly struck me. Some of my fondest memories of time spent with my mother was doing hair, nails, facials etc.
It still amazes me when i read threads like this as i can't understand why people feel the need to be so invested in expressing negative criticism over something so harmless as growing your hair. I mean, if i were your parents i'd feel gratefull your attention was focused on something constructive as opposed to ACTUAL problems like becoming a heroin addict.

I do agree with many of the suggestions already given. As you know your parents do not support your goals and methods it's best to avoid talking with them about it. Oiling can be done in the bathroom, as can massages, treatments etc. I'd also keep my hair contained in an updo so that it's not seen down....out of sight, out of mind as the saying goes. It also would have the benefit of reducing friction damage over time ;).

Your fathers complaint about having to drive to get coconut oil does seem valid to me, though pardon me for saying.....a bit mean. Could you maybe order it online? Or maybe there is a bus or some other form of transport to get it yourself? When used just for hair i find a little lasts a very long time. Maybe as has been suggested you could ask to get a lift on your birthday and stock up?
You could also try thinking of things you could do for your dad as a kind of bargaining tool? Getting a part time job i think would definately help. Once you have your own money they can't legitimately criticise your habits as long as what you do does not impact on them.

In a nutshell my advice would be to just do whatever it is you are doing that gives you that beautiful pantene advert like shine you have, keep your hair up, don't talk about it.....when you need a hair chat come on here and talk to us, then when you have reached your goal if you want wear your hair down sometime and if anybody criticises point out that the proof of the pudding is in the eating.....your long shiny stunning hair in itself can shut them up but refuse to get into drawn out dialoges and don't feel the need to justify your habits.

Good luck

[Amraann]

Well I think when they realise they dont have to have your hair cut then they might be better about it.

Cant you get your grandparents or friends involved with shopping for things for you, or going over a friends house to have a sleep over and do hair treatments.

One thing I would love to do is to get a group of my friends together once a week, and do everything hair and nails on that night. Watch the best hair movies, try out stuff on my nails, try out up dos on each other and so on. It would be a total blast.

Its a shame your mother isnt on board as it could be a really good bonding experience.

I must admit, I had to do a bit of smuggling in with my Mum. A teacher gave me a comb to do my rat tails when I was about 10, I hid it but unfortunately my mother got it and took it away. I was distraught as Id got my hair just right, I went to the teacher but she couldnt help, but luckily I found a great comb on the path when walking back from school. It was amazing! I hid it outside and kept it for years.


I am curious as to why your mom would not let you have a comb?

[Demetrue]

If I were in your situation, I would keep my hair goals private from my family and not talk to my parents about it. It's not like you are doing anything bad or wrong, so if they are unable to be supportive about your hair, they don't need to know about it. Just keep it up in a bun around them. As to buying hair products, your hair should be fine with conditioner and shampoo, as long as you don't heat style much, comb it carefully with wide tooth comb, etc. Save up birthday money to spend on hair products. Ask in advance when your dad is driving down town in the future, then go with him to get the coconut oil at his convenience, using your own money. Keep your transportation requests to a minimum and only ask for a ride if he is going there any way. Meanwhile, look for part time work and mass transportation schedules so you can feel a little less dependent upon your parents.

[Debra83]

If it wasn't hair, it would be something else, right? Some parents just like to criticize, and sometimes, when kids don't conform to their image of things, kids bear the brunt of it. I think it is a good idea to just share with us the things about hair and hair growing...that way they have less ammo to target you with. And once you are out on your own, you have a free hand. (Parents, by the way, will still share their views even if you are out on your own). But it is your decision and your right to wear your hair the way you see fit. Don't feel guilty or anything.

[nena_shawty]

umm i would get a job just like that gladly if my parents would let me and i am in mexico so its hard to get a job when alot of people r pregudist of americans but oh well

[Debra83]

umm i would get a job just like that gladly if my parents would let me and i am in mexico so its hard to get a job when alot of people r pregudist of americans but oh well


So, how long are you guys in Mexico for? Will you be going back to the states in the next couple of years? Are you taking correspondence? How long will you have to stay there before you are able to spread your own wings? Just curious. I had a friend who had to live on a compound in Saudi Arabia in her late teens because her dad worked for some Canadian Hydro company over there. When she got back to Canada, she had to retake some highschool courses to get her GED, before she could start University to get her own life going. It was a bit of a bump in the road for her - I hope that doesn't happen to you.

[nena_shawty]

So, how long are you guys in Mexico for? Will you be going back to the states in the next couple of years? Are you taking correspondence? How long will you have to stay there before you are able to spread your own wings? Just curious. I had a friend who had to live on a compound in Saudi Arabia in her late teens because her dad worked for some Canadian Hydro company over there. When she got back to Canada, she had to retake some highschool courses to get her GED, before she could start University to get her own life going. It was a bit of a bump in the road for her - I hope that doesn't happen to you.

Well my dad is a missionary to mexico We live in Oaxaca were its a very pore State with alot of indian people but anyway... Its hard for me to be down here and i know for sure it will be hard when i get up to the States cause i have 1 sis and two bros that r living up there and they had to get the GED course and they had to get used to being up there... and as far as spreading my wings goes i prob be out of my home in about a year so you know I love my parents and everything but i am looking forward to having my own life .. I was homeschooled for all my life and two years in a christian school but im done with schooling now im just dreading having to go through the proscess of my GED and getting settled in the States ... what my parents do is stay here for 4 to 5 years then go back to the US one year so yea thats been my life ..

[Debra83]

Well my dad is a missionary to mexico We live in Oaxaca were its a very pore State with alot of indian people but anyway... Its hard for me to be down here and i know for sure it will be hard when i get up to the States cause i have 1 sis and two bros that r living up there and they had to get the GED course and they had to get used to being up there... and as far as spreading my wings goes i prob be out of my home in about a year so you know I love my parents and everything but i am looking forward to having my own life .. I was homeschooled for all my life and two years in a christian school but im done with schooling now im just dreading having to go through the proscess of my GED and getting settled in the States ... what my parents do is stay here for 4 to 5 years then go back to the US one year so yea thats been my life ..

Missionary work is a tough call for all involved. But, they have to do what they feel they are being led to do. Sounds like it is working out for your siblings. Enjoy the time you have with your parents. It is a very unique life being raised on the mission field. While your book learning may be a little behind....your life experience is off the chart!!!! I've known several people from different churches that were raised on the mission field and who are middle-aged now, and they wouldn't trade it for anything. We don't always appreciate what we have while it is going on, but hind-sight is 20/20, right?

[nena_shawty]

you know .. i like life here and i do love my parents and i do apreciate the way and the where i was raised cause i know if i was raised in the States i would have been one spoiled brat i hope i dont offend any one by that but i feel that most kids in th States dont apreciate alot of things in life and parents and what they have how blessed they r to be living in a Country as great as that one you know .. thats the way i feel i know im a little off topic sry bout that

[Demetrue]

Hmmm - it sounds like you have lived quite a life! Here is another possible suggestion. Write your dad a letter saying something like this:
Dear Dad,
My feelings were hurt when you called my request to purchase coconut oil as a hair treatment "stupid". I believe that I have made many sacrifices in my life to be with you on the mission field. There were, and are, many things in my life that are inconvenient for me as an American teenager living in a different country, but I have always done what you asked of me in order to support your mission. Remember, the decision to live here was your calling and your choice, but it is affecting every aspect of my life and it was not my choice. I would ask that you please respect my request to purchase an item that is important to me. I realize you find it inconvenient to drive downtown to help me purchase this item, but think how inconvenient it has been for me to live in a place where I can not get a job or provide my own transportation or easily purchase an item I would like for the maintenance of my personal hygiene. One jar of oil will last many months and can also be used for cooking. Perhaps I can earn the money necessary for the purchase by doing more chores around the house for you and mom. In the future, I ask that you would not say demeaning things about my hair, etc, especially since I am not doing anything hurtful or wrong.
Respectfully,
Your Daughter

PS I just realized it was your mom that used the word stupid - not your dad. You could write her a letter as well, asking that she speak to you in a more positive manner.

[Debra83]

you know .. i like life here and i do love my parents and i do apreciate the way and the where i was raised cause i know if i was raised in the States i would have been one spoiled brat i hope i dont offend any one by that but i feel that most kids in th States dont apreciate alot of things in life and parents and what they have how blessed they r to be living in a Country as great as that one you know .. thats the way i feel i know im a little off topic sry bout that

That's the GREAT thing about LHC. We can share our thoughts, and be a little off topic!!! It helps us to get things straight in our minds when we get to talk things out sometimes. :cheese:

[mali]

you know .. i like life here and i do love my parents and i do apreciate the way and the where i was raised cause i know if i was raised in the States i would have been one spoiled brat i hope i dont offend any one by that but i feel that most kids in th States dont apreciate alot of things in life and parents and what they have how blessed they r to be living in a Country as great as that one you know .. thats the way i feel i know im a little off topic sry bout that

That's not true.I'm not from the U.S.A but in these times,I feel like THEY KNOW THE LEAST about being brats.The money crysis is still really bad there(well,actually everywhere).It's not all movies and candies/flowers/pink life,so we can't really REALLY know what's going there unless we live there.
Many kids in the U.S.A are also bullied so they're most likely traumatized rather than spoiled brats.Okay,that sounded off.:poot:

[Debra83]

That's not true.I'm not from the U.S.A but in these times,I feel like THEY KNOW THE LEAST about being brats.The money crysis is still really bad there(well,actually everywhere).It's not all movies and candies/flowers/pink life,so we can't really REALLY know what's going there unless we live there.
Many kids in the U.S.A are also bullied so they're most likely traumatized rather than spoiled brats.Okay,that sounded off.:poot:

What are you basing it on that most kids in the USA are bullied? I've never heard that before. Bullying is a problem in schools everywhere, but I wouldn't have thought it was "most" kids.

[mali]

What are you basing it on that most kids in the USA are bullied? I've never heard that before. Bullying is a problem in schools everywhere, but I wouldn't have thought it was "most" kids.

I said ''many''.Not ''most''.
The bullying rate in the U.S.A is high so I gave her an example.I didn't say all kids in the U.S.A are tramautized.Not at all.

[nena_shawty]

im sry if offended anyone but what i mean is US is still a blessed nation and i have lived there i do know a little how it is up there and when i come down here again and see the conditions that some of these people live in i realize that im blessed and that people in the States need to realize how blessed they r to have a concrete building with heating and airconditioning and food to put in there mouth and close to wear im sry if i pissed anybody off i really dont want to make anybody mad

[mali]

im sry if offended anyone but what i mean is US is still a blessed nation and i have lived there i do know a little how it is up there and when i come down here again and see the conditions that some of these people live in i realize that im blessed and that people in the States need to realize how blessed they r to have a concrete building with heating and airconditioning and food to put in there mouth and close to wear im sry if i pissed anybody off i really dont want to make anybody mad

nena_shawty,you didn't piss anybody off.I thought you didn't live in the USA and you meant that it was a ''spoiled'' country.:o

[nena_shawty]

lol I Love my country (USA) and i know how the USA has suffered i do know that..

[ddiana1979]

I'm terribly sorry for your troubles. It hurts when parents don't "get" why we're doing something that is very important to us.

A possible "sneaky" way around this. . . who does the grocery shopping in your household? A lot of the products (especially oils) are available in the grocery store. That may be different in Mexico, I'm not sure. At any rate, you could offer to help grocery shop, so you could put a thing or two in the basket every month or so (however much your parents will tolerate). You could also take up cooking. . . find recipes that specifically require the ingredients you need/want for your hair and offer to cook a meal for the entire family. I.e. coconut oil lasts FOREVER when used on hair, so maybe you could prepare an Indian or Thai dish with it that would make your father feel like it was well worth the trip (trust me, even if you use it in the recipe, you'll have PLENTY left over).

If you have spare pocket money, check out the Trading board. A lot of people offer products that they tried, but didn't work out for them. Online shopping is another possibility. Amazon.com has a lot of hair basics.

Hope this helps. *hugs*

ETA: You don't actually *need* all of these fun products to grow your hair (though I certainly don't blame you at all for wanting them). When I was your age I had slightly below waist length hair in very good condition. I didn't know a darn thing about long hair care, so the only thing I did to it was use shampoo & conditioner (Pantene, I believe), do an occasional vinegar rinse (something my mom taught me when I was little to make my hair shine), and avoid heat for drying or styling (because I was LAZY, not because I knew it protected my hair). So it is possible, especially at your age, to have very long hair by simply ignoring it, if you will.

[beez1717]

I think with time and with your dedication you will be able to convince your parents that what you do with your hair is up to you. I think that's what my parents are going to figure out some time. I can't wait to go to maine for the winter break. I will have much softer water so my hair will do much better :) Also, I explained that the shampoo that i was using there over the summer (vo5) was not doing good for my hair and that I needed some other shampoo and they agreed to get me some other shampoo. I think what helped most of all was my explanation that if I had new shampoo that my hair would take less work to deal with and it would be easier to brush. I guess I was right!

[Arya]

Well my dad is a missionary to mexico We live in Oaxaca were its a very pore State with alot of indian people but anyway... Its hard for me to be down here and i know for sure it will be hard when i get up to the States cause i have 1 sis and two bros that r living up there and they had to get the GED course and they had to get used to being up there... and as far as spreading my wings goes i prob be out of my home in about a year so you know I love my parents and everything but i am looking forward to having my own life .. I was homeschooled for all my life and two years in a christian school but im done with schooling now im just dreading having to go through the proscess of my GED and getting settled in the States ... what my parents do is stay here for 4 to 5 years then go back to the US one year so yea thats been my life ..

Oh! That's actually perfect for growing your hair! No one has thicker longer hair than Aboriginal people in Mexico! If anything, you should be asking THEM what THEY use on their hair, it'll probably be local and cheaper and easier to get! you could also pick up some spanish or Nahuatl or whatever language it is they speak at home, which could be really valuable for your future career as well.

[mireillemt]

im sry if offended anyone but what i mean is US is still a blessed nation and i have lived there i do know a little how it is up there and when i come down here again and see the conditions that some of these people live in i realize that im blessed and that people in the States need to realize how blessed they r to have a concrete building with heating and airconditioning and food to put in there mouth and close to wear im sry if i pissed anybody off i really dont want to make anybody mad


Not to purposely continue off-topic discussion BUT, my :twocents:. As an American who has now lived outside of the US for a couple of months, I would say that American's are rather lucky. But, I think also that anyone who has not had the benefit of experiencing at least two different ways of living is inclined to be a bit blinded. That can happen in any culture. How lucky for you that you get to have this experience and understand your own country much better! I wish that everyone could travel abroad for at least a few months in their life. But, anyway...