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lovege
December 3rd, 2010, 11:08 PM
So about 3 hours ago I was APL/ almost BSL (the longest its ever been). My ends were thin, and I've always wanted them to be thick/blunt. So I got the ends "trimmed" (cut). I've had the same hairdresser for about 4 years, and my hair has come a long way from damage, and it is very healthy now. The problem is that everytime my hair grows it has to get trimmed again (problems with ends). It is now about 1-2 inches past shoulder.

I just can't take it anymore. I fell like I should just shave it off and keep it that way since I can't have long hair. (It's the only way I feel beautiful, or even pretty.) I feel like dying right now. I just feel worthless. Everytime it grows a bit, my hairdresser wants to trim it. Please help! I have to get it trimmed, or else i'll get splits, but it always is trimmed too much.:(:(:(:mad::mad::mad:

Rivanariko
December 3rd, 2010, 11:16 PM
Have you considered doing more frequent "microtrims" instead of several inches every few months? If you manage the damage as it occurs, then it might allow your hair to grow easier. Also, do you know what's causing the damage? There is a lot of advice to be found around here on minimizing damage to help hair grow healthy and long. I never thought my hair could get past a few inches past BSL until I got here. Now it's tailbone and still growing like a weed (though my ends are due for a freshening up, I think). I just wasn't taking care of it the way it wanted me to, even though I thought I was taking pretty good care of it. Browse around the forums and articles, you'll find something :)

Welcome to LHC!

getoffmyskittle
December 3rd, 2010, 11:23 PM
Hi lovege, :grouphug:

First of all, and most importantly, not being pretty does not make you worthless.

Secondly, I'm sure that your hair does not determine your prettiness.

Thirdly, tapered ends are just fine. Maybe this is the way your hair is going to grow. There is nothing wrong with that! Everyone's hair tapers at some point.

You don't have to keep going to your hairdresser, either. There's a method called Feye's Self Trim -- just search for it, I'm sure you'll find instructions. Then you can take off however much you want at a time.

Sorry you're feeling down. :flowers:

christine1989
December 4th, 2010, 12:15 AM
I second microtrims. You keep your length but do frequent small trims to keep the ends in shape. You will probobly still get a bit of a taiper but that is normal. If you can live with it you could also just start growing your hair trim free then do a large (1 inch or more) trim to even things up.

tinywife
December 4th, 2010, 12:19 AM
See if you can find out what's causing the damage. Follow up on every reasonable piece of advice you can find. No damage = no need for trims.

keepmyhair
December 4th, 2010, 12:28 AM
So about 3 hours ago I was APL/ almost BSL (the longest its ever been). My ends were thin, and I've always wanted them to be thick/blunt. So I got the ends "trimmed" (cut). I've had the same hairdresser for about 4 years, and my hair has come a long way from damage, and it is very healthy now. The problem is that everytime my hair grows it has to get trimmed again (problems with ends). It is now about 1-2 inches past shoulder.

I just can't take it anymore. I fell like I should just shave it off and keep it that way since I can't have long hair. (It's the only way I feel beautiful, or even pretty.) I feel like dying right now. I just feel worthless. Everytime it grows a bit, my hairdresser wants to trim it. Please help! I have to get it trimmed, or else i'll get splits, but it always is trimmed too much.:(:(:(:mad::mad::mad:

Hi lovege, I don't know much about trims, so cannot offer any advise there. Every human being is special, so no one is worthless, regardless of their hair or any other other attribute for that matter.

There are times when one feels worthless, I have too, but remember that it is just perception. I am sure you will find peace, and joy.

Sending positive energy your way...

angelthadiva
December 4th, 2010, 12:29 AM
Yanno, what Sweetie, your hair dresser will go out of business if you don't need your hair cut. Think about that. I can't tell you how many times I've heard that you need your ends cut to make your hair grow...Now, think about that. Our hair grows from our roots, not our ends. True enough, if we have split ends our hair will have breakage to some degree, but our ends do not have a thing to do with our growth...Our ends are the oldest and most fragile part though.

If I got my hair cut every 6 weeks like "they" told me I'd need to; I would have NO hair on my head. In six weeks time you are cutting off all the length you have gained for the month...That is, if you are only doing a micro trim 1/4-1/2" per trim.

If I were you, and this is just me...I'd lay of on the trims/cuts what have you. Avoid the scissors for let us say 1-2 months; that would be about 2 hair cuts or so, right? In those two months use the money you'd spend on cuts and instead buy things for your hair to pamper and baby it. Try less heat styling, wear your hair more contained if you can etc. and see after these 1-2 months if there is a difference in your hair.

Welcome to LHC, by the way :waving:

luxepiggy
December 4th, 2010, 12:29 AM
Another vote for trying to figure out what's causing so much damage! Do you heat-style frequently? What about chemical treatments or dye? You should definitely be able to get to a point where you don't need to do these drastic cuts all the time.

ETA: Are you "trimming" because you can see damage on your ends, or because your hairdresser told you to? If it's the latter, I would suggest looking for a new hairdresser . . .

PraiseCheeses
December 4th, 2010, 12:45 AM
Welcome to the forums, lovege! This is one of the most helpful and kindest web forums you'll ever see, so you came to the right place if you want support. :)

getoffmyskittle and Rivanariko give good advice, particularly about not letting your self-worth hinge on your looks. That said, I'm guessing most of us have those moments when we're not thrilled with what we see in the mirror. First, try to remember this: It will take time. I don't mean just growing your hair, but I mean experimenting until you can find *your* routine. There is a multitude of hair types and routines here; definitely spend some serious time browsing around. Pay special attention to others with your hair type, but don't discount advice just because someone's a stick-straight finey.

Some specific things that I think are good for everyone:

SMTs - Snowymoon's Moisture Treatment. 4 parts your favorite conditioner, 1 part aloe, 1 part honey. Pop it in the microwave for a few seconds to warm it, apply to clean hair, leave on 30 minutes to overnight. This will help condition your ends, make them more manageable, and strengthen the rest of your hair so when it becomes your ends, it's nice and strong.

These can be interspersed with protein treatments, but be aware that too much protein can be drying.

Microtrims, known around here as Search and Destroy (S&D). This cuts just the hairs that have split ends so the rest of your hair stays long and the split is stopped in its path. Hold small sections of your hair against a contrasting background and trim any splits you see right above the split. Your hemline might look thin after a while, but you'll be keeping length while growing out healthy hair with no splits to chop.

Protective styles. Keep your hair up during the day in a style that doesn't put tension on your scalp. Try and keep the ends contained especially. At night, bun your hair. Consider using a satin or silk pillow or sleep cap or headscarf. Most of us are more active sleepers than we think!

There are plenty of threads about supplements, oils, massage, etc. where you should get some ideas for things to try. Consider looking into hair oils, washing with conditioner, and experimenting with different hair products. And remember - this will take time. Many of the people here have been revising their routine for years.

Also, have you thought about having a chat with your stylist? Maybe your stylist could be instructed to help you with dustings or S&D.

I hope something helps! There's a thread specifically for people who are growing out in the shoulder to APL; you'll find a lot of support and ideas there: http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=33961

Keep looking around the forums. There are a lot of people here who have said they never thought they could have long hair - but with patience, experimentation, and proper care, they have attained beautiful, healthy hair. Keep your chin up (and that'll make your hair look longer too :p)!

Deborah
December 4th, 2010, 12:45 AM
I agree that you probably only need tiny trims, and much less frequently than you do now. If you want real control over your length, learn to do the trimming yourself. Feye's Method, mentioned above is really easy to do. Honestly, anyone can do it.

When you do it yourself you can decide yourself exactly how much to cut off. If you then decide you need more trimmed, just do it again until you are happy. It's quick and easy. I am much happier since I do all my own cutting. And of course you save a lot of money by doing it yourself, you need no appointments, etc.

Let's face it; with a hairdresser it is all about the money. Of course they will tell you that you need a trim. They don't like long hair because they can't make money off of the true longhairs. Free yourself from them! It is genuinely liberating!

DARKMARTIAN
December 4th, 2010, 12:47 AM
Hi lovege, :grouphug:

First of all, and most importantly, not being pretty does not make you worthless.


This is true....and also remember lovege....that not having long hair does not make you unattractive either. Sure long hair can be beautiful...but when you ask me whether or not I think someone is so... I have to look far beyond the hair on their head. I think a lot of people may grow their hair in an attempt at beautification on some level. Whether its a self-perceived beauty or an act to enhance public exposure, I couldnt say. But I will say that what makes a person truly beautiful is something that cannot be seen in a mirror. I think that Rivanariko's suggestion of the microtrims might be what you could benefit from.

Gilly
December 4th, 2010, 12:49 AM
This is true....and also remember lovege....that not having long hair does not make you unattractive either. Sure long hair can be beautiful...but when you ask me whether or not I think someone is so... I have to look far beyond the hair on their head. I think a lot of people may grow their hair in an attempt at beautification on some level. Whether its a self-perceived beauty or an act to enhance public exposure, I couldnt say. But I will say that what makes a person truly beautiful is something that cannot be seen in a mirror. I think that Rivanariko's suggestion of the microtrims might be what you could benefit from.
Beautifully said, and totally true.

UltraBella
December 4th, 2010, 12:50 AM
I think you should find a hairdresser who will respect your wishes in regards to how much length you want trimmed off. There are many wonderful hairstylists out there, who LOVE long hair. Not everyone is a money-grubbing jerk waving scissors around. (generalizations about all hairdressers are unnecessary and untrue) And figuring out where all your damage is coming from is a great suggestion. If yup can minimize your damage you can do much longer without trims.
I think the biggest issue right now is not your actual hair, but how you are feeling. Your self-worth is being defined by your hair and there are so many important things that make you special as an individual. Great hair is just a bonus in life, not a necessity. You are beautiful, hair does not change that.

Cailie
December 4th, 2010, 12:51 AM
dry those tears, that's what LHC is for :)

tell us about your hair routine (in details) and your hair type (picture if you want), and we'll go from there, okay ? :flower:

On a good note, you just got your hair freshly trimmed, so you're ready for a fresh start ! And in the future, you can control those future trims yourself :flower:

AnnaJamila
December 4th, 2010, 12:54 AM
When you feel your ends do YOU feel any damage? Sit in some bright light and look to see weither there is any breakage/damage that you can see. There probably isn't. I had a stylist whom I ADORED but she just was completely convinced that past shoulder length my hair would start to look awful. To remedy this without hurting my feelings she would always tell me I had damage and needed trimmed. Now I just cut my hair as per Faye's instructions, with a few "Search and Destroy" sesions where you sort through the hair and snip off any split ends you find. It's really REALLY scary the first time but after that it's a breeze!! And the instructions are super easy so no worries!!! One thing I found that literally TRANSFORMED my hair was conditioner only washing. It's so much cleaner and bouncier and happier now! Maybe you should try that for a while and see what it does? There's an article describing the process here> http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?do=article&articleid=18 and another variation of it here> http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?do=article&articleid=70 . There's a CO thread floating around here somewhere, too. If that's a bit too odd for you, you can also start oiling your hair with jojoba, sweet almond, grapeseed, or olive oil or a blend oils. These make my hair a lot softer and smoother!

And the advice to just creeper around and read all the threads is VERY sound! That's how I got the majority of my smarts on how to care for my hair! And no tears, dove! I know you're beautiful even if you don't feel it!

little_cherry
December 4th, 2010, 12:54 AM
Hi there!
Can you please let us know what your hair care routine is? Do you brush/comb? How do you brush/comb? How do you dry your hair? Do you wear it up or down?


Another vote for trying to figure out what's causing so much damage! Do you heat-style frequently? What about chemical treatments or dye? You should definitely be able to get to a point where you don't need to do these drastic cuts all the time.

ETA: Are you "trimming" because you can see damage on your ends, or because your hairdresser told you to? If it's the latter, I would suggest looking for a new hairdresser . . .
I was going to ask the same thing!

milagro
December 4th, 2010, 01:10 AM
Oh :flower: Your hair will certainly grow and now that the ends are trimmed and neat it will look better.
IME hair stylists always - well usually - have their own fixed ideas how hair should look so they would cut everything that's not fitting in those frames. Next time just explain firmly you don't want your length cut more than X inches.

Debra83
December 4th, 2010, 01:20 AM
I can totally understand how you feel. I wore my hair short for almost two decades after cutting off waist length hair. I wanted it long again for about the same two decades!!! But, it wasn't until I found this site that I was able to stick to growing for the last two years.

I went from this:

http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/picture.php?albumid=2126&pictureid=25591

to this in two years:

http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/picture.php?albumid=6238&pictureid=86538

and gave myself 9 trims and 1 cut (an inch or over) in that time period.

The stuff I've learned on this site has helped me focus on my goal. The insight about hair and life on this site has helped me grow as a person, as well as grow my hair!

I'm sure, if you stick around as a member for a couple of years, you'll be giving advice to others who are new to the site!!

One thing to watch out for in regards to your hair is what they call "mechanical" damage. That means that something, usually on a continuous basis, is rubbing/damaging your hair. I've heard things like office chairs, seat belts, purse straps, and in my own case, rough-heavy-wool winter coats. I now put my hair up in a clip (most of the time) or pushed up into a hat, until I get where I'm going to prevent breakage or splits by the collar of my coat rubbing my hair. Really, that can happen.

lippleyluv
December 4th, 2010, 01:29 AM
Hi lovege! Welcome.

When I first came to LHC I was sooo frustrated. I wanted my hair to grow long but no matter how much I tried I simply could not get it past collarbone! :confused:

I began reading and thinking and reading some more. I was coloring, washing with harsh products, blow drying, & flat ironing every 1-2 days. Yikes! I really really had no idea that my styling was killing my hair. :(

When I quit all that (except coloring my hair, can't give that up!) and began experimenting with gentler, more long hair friendly products and techniques my hair began to grow. A year later I am alllllmost to APL :cheese:

Read the forum, do your "hair home work" and begin to find what works for your hair. It will get better. ;)

lovege
December 4th, 2010, 01:39 AM
Thanks for your replies everyone, I've been lurking for about 3 weeks! I appreciate the warm welcome (:

Routine:
Wash and condition once or twice a week(mostly once).
Moisturize with a hair cream that I have, sometimes I use EVOO.
2 braids at night, covered by a satin sleep cap.

I use a wide tooth comb to detangle in the mornings and at night. Sometimes a BBB, if I feel like it.

I really wish I would've read all of these wonderful replies, before I cried my eyes out after I posted the first message, until now. I will admit that I do base my selfworth in my hair. I even feel worthless for a while when I get a trim. This same cycle has been going on for about 2 years. I'm beginning to think that she wants me to stay at a certain length. Now that i look at it,s he cut off way more than she had to...about 3/4 inches. That length was the longest I have ever been in my entire life and she runied it. All I wanted was long and beautiful hair and it seems like that will never work out. *rant over* I'm terribly sorry for all of that, I needed to get that out.

My hairdresser says it's because my hair is dry, and that I don't put enough moisture in it, so that's why I needed trimming. (Yes, I admit my ends only needed about 1/8 of an inch off). I looked up feye's selftrim method, I think I'll do that from now on. Thanks again guys:cheese:

Cailie
December 4th, 2010, 01:45 AM
Happy that you are feeling better !
how long have you been using evoo, comb, etc etc ?

and what kind of hair cream and shampoo / condish do you use ?

How would you describe your hair texture (strait, curls, thin, thick, etc.) ?

How do you wear it most of the time ? (up, down, and what do you use ? do you use tight rubber bands for example ?)

How's your nutrition, exercise, and general health ?


And don't worry ! You most probably have have long hair if you stay here, learn, and keep some patience :p
(there is SO MUCH info here, you will not believe it)


3/4 inche... you'll grow that back fast enough, and more :flower:

Aer
December 4th, 2010, 03:04 AM
Late hugs! but happy you are feeling better! Never feel worthless, ever. and your hair will grow, your hair routine seems great!

Toadstool
December 4th, 2010, 03:15 AM
Glad you are feeling better. There are many great hairdressers out there - just sounds like the one you've been seeing has fixed ideas which ruin your goal of long hair.
I know how hard it is not to base your worth in your appearance - had you thought of getting psychotherapy to help with it? That's what I'm doing.

Dragon
December 4th, 2010, 03:19 AM
Glad you are feeling better :grouphug:

Juneii
December 4th, 2010, 03:23 AM
YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS. Your hair should accentuate your beauty not be it. I am glad to see you are feeling better, this is not something to hate yourself about!

Your routine sounds good but it might be the product that could be causing damage! Maybe what you are using dries out your hair too much and exposes it to damage despite the EVOO. Try a conditioner only wash, the shampoo might be the reason why your hair is dry. Hopefully someone with experience with dry hair can help you out here.

Don't worry so much! I wish you the best in your journey for longer hair! :)

Katze
December 4th, 2010, 03:50 AM
So about 3 hours ago I was APL/ almost BSL (the longest its ever been). My ends were thin, and I've always wanted them to be thick/blunt. So I got the ends "trimmed" (cut). I've had the same hairdresser for about 4 years, and my hair has come a long way from damage, and it is very healthy now. The problem is that everytime my hair grows it has to get trimmed again (problems with ends). It is now about 1-2 inches past shoulder.

I just can't take it anymore. I fell like I should just shave it off and keep it that way since I can't have long hair. (It's the only way I feel beautiful, or even pretty.) I feel like dying right now. I just feel worthless. Everytime it grows a bit, my hairdresser wants to trim it. Please help! I have to get it trimmed, or else i'll get splits, but it always is trimmed too much.:(:(:(:mad::mad::mad:

You are not worthless. Your ends just need a bit more care, it sounds like. With your type hair, it NEEDS moisture - more so than other hair types. A leave-in would help. Have you tried CO, WO, and SMTs?

For what it's worth, I have been here for 5 YEARS and have never gotten longer than BSL, for a number of reasons but the overarching one being that my ends naturally get thin and wispy (what many people call 'fairytale ends') and they just look BAD on me. I despair of ever having long hair, but it IS in better shape than it ever has been, has some shine, and is thicker at the roots than it's ever been.

We all have our genetic blessings and curses. Mine is fine hair that is very fragile at the ends, and a natural tendency for it to taper (get thinner at the ends). But LHC can help us do the best we can with what we've got.

You are not the only one here whose hair has made her feel ugly, but these feelings do NOT mean you are a worthless person AT ALL. Stick around here and you will see what I mean. :)

Lianna
December 4th, 2010, 03:54 AM
I see you're a 3c, which often benefit from co-washes, you could try it. Also are you sure you need a BBB brush? I see most curlies don't like it. Make sure those products don't have too much protein for your hair, when I had protein overload my ends were awful and I was trimming it too much. Also I know some curlies who moisturize and seal often, like everyday or everyother day, they say it helps retain length (you didn't say how often you did it). I also advise to detangle in the shower, with lots of conditioner, to prevent breakage.

Athena's Owl
December 4th, 2010, 04:03 AM
Routine:
Wash and condition once or twice a week(mostly once).
Moisturize with a hair cream that I have, sometimes I use EVOO.
2 braids at night, covered by a satin sleep cap.

I use a wide tooth comb to detangle in the mornings and at night. Sometimes a BBB, if I feel like it.

I note you list your hair curl type as 3 c. do you always wear it curly, or do you straighten it? do you use heat on your hair, to dry it or style it?

do you always wear your hair loose or does you ever wear updos like buns to protect your ends?

I have curly hair too, and I'd like to get more details so I can maybe share some ideas that will help you.


This same cycle has been going on for about 2 years. I'm beginning to think that she wants me to stay at a certain length. Now that i look at it,s he cut off way more than she had to...about 3/4 inches. That length was the longest I have ever been in my entire life and she runied it.

This right here is EXACTLY why I stormed out of a hairdresser's in april of 2005 and *never went back.* I said that I wore my hair curly, I like my curly hair far better than I liked straightened hair, and that I only wanted one centimeter trimmed off the longest ends of my hair, I didn't want him to even bother trying to even it up because no one would be able to tell if it was "Even" while stretched out straight and wet. I was closing in on BSL but my ends were kinda prone to tangling and felt dry.

I walked out of there with hair just a tiny bit past shoulder length. my hair was frizzed out beyond belief because of bad handling. he didn't have a single clue how to treat my hair, and he tried to "even" it up even after I specifically instructed him to do nothing but trim off one centimeter from the longest lengths, and while that was happening he tried to sell me on a relaxer service.

and I realized that this *always* happened. I'd be nearly at BSL, or closing in on MBL, I'd go to get a tiny trim and walk out with hair hacked off to my shoulders. That I didn't actually have any problems growing long hair - I had problems with not being able to find a hairstylist who would respect my wishes. and that after I had clearly stated what I wanted and what my goals were, I would sit down in that chair and have my wishes and desires discounted, ignored, invalidated, and belittled - and I was paying out large sums for the privilege.

so I quit. I use feyes self trimming method and I search and destroy, and from just bast shoulder in 2005 to just barely tailbone length in 2010...which is where it falls when curly and dry. HA!

There are members here who have stylists who listen to them and work with their goals. there are members here who *are* stylists who do that same thing. But a lot of us self trim and don't go to hair salons at all.


My hairdresser says it's because my hair is dry, and that I don't put enough moisture in it, so that's why I needed trimming. (Yes, I admit my ends only needed about 1/8 of an inch off). I looked up feye's selftrim method, I think I'll do that from now on. Thanks again guys:cheese:

I suspect that isn't entirely honest. you *will* find methods and techniques here that will change your haircare routine and will really help improve your hair - but I don't like that your hairdresser didn't listen to what you wanted and then told you it was your fault. This blew my mind when I went for that last trim - because I said, "And if it turns out that 1cm isn't enough, I'll make another appointment next week and get another cm taken off."

Let me fill in the linguistic blanks.

"And if this trim that I am paying 65 dollars for and will presumably tip you 15% for good services doesn't work out the way I hope it will, I will make another appointment in a WEEK and give you another 65 dollars plus 15% tip to DO IT AGAIN. Presumably the 40 dollars in haircare products i'm going to buy at the end of *this* appointment won't be repeated, but perhaps you can come up with a recommendation to "fill in the gap" in my care routine."

What really happened? I raged out at the manager and didn't pay a dime and have never paid for a haircut again.

frizzinator
December 4th, 2010, 05:33 AM
If you spend some time reading on this website, you will find that anyone can grow long hair.

It is very simple. If you want your hair to grow long, you have to stop cutting it.

You have total control over your hair, even when you visit the hairdresser. If your hairdresser wants to cut, just say that you want to maintain the length with a dusting (or micro-trim) of the ends.

If your hairdresser doesn't listen to you, then dump the hairdresser. Most hairdressers were not trained how to grow and maintain long hair, so you cannot really blame them for doing what they know how to do.

My experience was that even though they might be open-minded enough to just dust the ends, hairdressers get bored with the client who only wants a micro-trim every couple of months. In other words, they eventually lose the desire to trim your hair.

Many of us had long term relationships with our hairdressers, and we felt just as conflicted as you feel right now. Some of us finally figured out that it was easier to cut our own hair than to negotiate with the professionals. There are a very few professionals that specialize in long hair, but you might have to travel a long way to find them.

Blunt ends are easy for some folks to maintain, and are difficult for other folks to maintain. I loved blunt ends but I gave up the idea so that my hair would grow longer. Eventually I started cutting my own hair, just dusting my hemline every couple of months. At some point perfectly blunt ends did not seem to matter to me anymore.

Blunt ends probably make your hair look better, but clearly you are taking off too much length to grow your hair. In order to gain length, your hair may not look as good as it does now. Just think of it as paying your dues to get longer hair.

The one thing you can do right now is to accept the hair you have and stop trying to maintain a perfectly blunt hemline. It is difficult to embrace this concept, but by doing so you will find it a lot easier to be happy on this journey.

I think your stats indicate that you have curls. While reading your way through this website, you will meet many curly haired folks. I encourage you to spend a lot of time reading here. If you search and read for a long time, you will learn a lot about your hair.

You are at the beginning of a long journey. It is likely to be painful for awhile. I know this because I had many years of frustration while growing my hair, and other members here complain about the same thing.

I'm trying to convey that this will not be an easy journey and you will have to be patient with your hair in order to reach your goals.

You will also have to be patient with the people in your life who will give you unwanted advice about cutting your hair. Don't let anyone influence you because it is your goal, your hair and your business.

Even though you might be even more frustrated on this journey than you are right now, it is worth the frustration in the long run when you finally reach the goal.

So it's your choice. You will be frustrated with your hair for a number of years no matter what you decide to do, but if you let your hair grow, someday, years from now, you just might become extremely happy with your hair. I know it's possible because I finally became happy with mine, and other members here seem to have become happy with theirs.

JulietCapulet
December 4th, 2010, 05:40 AM
First I would stop going to that hair dresser. I don't think you should trim it even if you feel they are spilt. Just leave it alone for the next four years or so. I'm sorry you feel so badly, I'm sure you look more gorgeous than you feel right now. :-D

SpeakingEZ
December 4th, 2010, 07:06 AM
If you feel that your ends are damaged (if you agree with your stylist), I wonder if you're using harsh elastics on your hair to hold the braids? Seeing that you're 3c, you might not need them at all, but if you're using elastics, I really recommend scrunchies. No one sees what you wear to bed except maybe an understanding SO.

As for other parts of your routine, have you been doing this for a while (months, years) or just in the past 3 weeks you've been lurking? If it's just recently that you've made changes, what was your routine in the past?

Also, do you color your hair or bleach? I'd also like to know if you heat style, as someone else already asked.

Schipperchow
December 4th, 2010, 08:07 AM
Welcome to TLHC. Before I address the hair, I am concerned that you are deriving your value and worth from the length of your hair. As others have already stated, hair or the lack of it, does not determine a person's value, worth or beauty (IMHO). :blossom:

As for the hair, you mentioned that you want thick, blunt ends. You may have to sacrifice this to gain length. Your stylist seems to be cutting with this goal in mind. My hair has been blunt only a few times in my life & never below BSL. I am now approaching HL & have some splits but very happy with the general condition of my hair. How do you style your hair? Are you natural, relaxed, BKT'd, colored, heat straightened?

lovege
December 4th, 2010, 08:12 AM
Thanks for your replies everyone, I've been lurking for about 3 weeks! I appreciate the warm welcome (:

Routine:
Wash and condition once or twice a week(mostly once).
Moisturize with a hair cream that I have, sometimes I use EVOO.
2 braids at night, covered by a satin sleep cap.

I use a wide tooth comb to detangle in the mornings and at night. Sometimes a BBB, if I feel like it.

I really wish I would've read all of these wonderful replies, before I cried my eyes out after I posted the first message, until now. I will admit that I do base my selfworth in my hair. I even feel worthless for a while when I get a trim. This same cycle has been going on for about 2 years. I'm beginning to think that she wants me to stay at a certain length. Now that i look at it,s he cut off way more than she had to...about 3/4 inches. That length was the longest I have ever been in my entire life and she runied it. All I wanted was long and beautiful hair and it seems like that will never work out. *rant over* I'm terribly sorry for all of that, I needed to get that out.

My hairdresser says it's because my hair is dry, and that I don't put enough moisture in it, so that's why I needed trimming. (Yes, I admit my ends only needed about 1/8 of an inch off). I looked up feye's selftrim method, I think I'll do that from now on. Thanks again guys:cheese:


I meant 3 or 4 inches.

lovege
December 4th, 2010, 08:38 AM
I usually just wear my hair down.. not much variation or fun.

I am a bit relaxed, but it is still curly/wavy if I let it air dry. I've had it colored black once before (and my hair is naturally very black anyway). One good thing is that my hairdresser refuses to dye my hair. ever. And she also convinced me to stop using the hair straightener/ blowdryer. So I use roller setting after i wash it.

Shampoo/Conditioner: At the salon, i'm not sure what she uses, but always some sort of moisturizing shampoo :o
At home I use:http://www.mizani-usa.com/?m=10&rid=300 (the first one, Botanifying...) Conditioner- Moisturfuse.

Hair cream: KeraCare conditioning cream hairdress. I use this because it's the one i've always used, and i need something to moisturise my hair.

I've recently started using EVOO, and I also want to try coconut oil.

Thanks for your replies! :)

lovege
December 4th, 2010, 08:40 AM
I usually just wear my hair down.. not much variation or fun.

I am a bit relaxed, but it is still curly/wavy if I let it air dry. I've had it colored black once before (and my hair is naturally very black anyway). One good thing is that my hairdresser refuses to dye my hair. ever. And she also convinced me to stop using the hair straightener/ blowdryer. So I use roller setting after i wash it.

Shampoo/Conditioner: At the salon, i'm not sure what she uses, but always some sort of moisturizing shampoo :o
At home I use:http://www.mizani-usa.com/?m=10&rid=300 (the first one, Botanifying...) Conditioner- Moisturfuse.

Hair cream: KeraCare conditioning cream hairdress. I use this because it's the one i've always used, and i need something to moisturise my hair.

I've recently started using EVOO, and I also want to try coconut oil.

Thanks for your replies! :)

I've been doing this routine for years now, but I added the EVOO about a month ago.

nytquill
December 4th, 2010, 09:12 AM
I want to preface what I'm about to say: I'm not anti-stylist necessarily. A good stylist is a blessing and they can do really great things.

Here's an analogy. A few years back I was having a lot of foot pain when I stood up and could not stand for more than a couple of hours - had been like that all my adult life. I temped a 40-hour work week at a standing-up job and I was in tears by the end of it. So I went to a podiatrist. He did some tests, told me my hips were crooked and I needed orthotics. They were not cheap and they didn't actually help. Eventually I realized, first of all that the guy was more of a salesman than a doctor. And then I realized, people like that, they don't stay in business by telling you everything's fine and you're healthy and just need to strengthen up your lower legs a bit. They stay in business by telling you how you have all these problems that their product can help you with.

For some (not all!) hairdressers, it's the same. They don't make any money telling you your hair is basically healthy and you should just trim off split ends when you find them. They stay in business by convincing you to cut, style, and color your hair and buy their products. Some of them sadly will tell you things that aren't necessarily true, in order to convince you to continue to make use of their services. Some professionals sadly, in any profession, simply cannot be trusted to tell you the truth because otherwise they wouldn't get your business.

Now I don't mean to say either that these people are lying to your face. A lot of times it has to do with the type of training they receive. Sometimes it can convince them to see problems that don't really exist - but they believe it because they are trained to look for that stuff. For example your hairdresser may see those wispy ends and think "damage" because that is what she was taught to think, when in point of fact your hair isn't that damaged, it's simply the normal taper that we see at the ends of hair that is growing long. But that taper to her looks like damage because her training taught her that only thick blunt hair is healthy? Which actually sounds like the same thing you're thinking, now that I mention it.

Fact is hair can be very healthy even if the ends are thin. Thin doesn't mean they are damaged. At terminal length, everybody's ends taper and get thin. My hair is waist length and still growing and my ends have been tapered for years because I don't trim or see the hairdresser. Contrary to popular belief you don't NEED to trim your hair. Trims are only necessary if you want to keep a specific length or a specific hairstyle, or if you have some truly damaged ends that are just holding you back.

The only way you would have a blunt hemline is if you are trimming your hair off to a point shorter than the longest it can grow. Not all the hairs on your head can grow to the same length, so there will always be some taper. You may also have some damage causing your ends to taper so quickly, or you may be highly sensitive to what is just a natural amount of taper and it makes you feel like it's worse than it is. Most people have odd perceptions about parts of their bodies and it takes a lot of work to accept yourself as you are. I'm not there yet, either.

I would say if your hair seems to be damage prone, read up on gentle handling, gentle updos, gentle hairtoys, gentle ways of washing, and particularly moisture or protein treatments depending on whether your hair is too dry/brittle or too weak. But definitely if your hairdresser is not listening to you - either trim it yourself or find another hairdresser. I haven't been in years because I was just too worried about not being listened to, but there are good hairdressers out there so you don't have to give up on them altogether! But there are some who will always want to cut hair to THEIR vision rather than yours - and it is YOUR hair, so you're the boss. If despite your telling them very explicitly what you want and don't want, they still do something you didn't ask for or told them NOT to do...walk away and don't look back!

allmixedup88
December 4th, 2010, 10:01 AM
Do you relax the same parts over & over again?
Maybe try not relaxing your hair, because that is horrible for your ends. If you have to relax I would say try ION repair kit it's about 6 bucks at sally beauty and it's a 3 piece kit that works wonders & Argon oil. Try putting EVOO on your ends and hiding them :-)

I hope this help. Stop going to the stupid hair dresser that cuts off all your beautiful hair :-(

lovege
December 4th, 2010, 10:25 AM
I hope those parts don't get relaxed over and over again! Although I am thinking about prolonging them. The only thing I don't like about my hairdresser is that she's a bit scissor-happy. But the rest of my hair is fine, albeit easily dry.

Fairlight63
December 4th, 2010, 10:33 AM
For dry hair what helps me is to dampen my hair from the ears down with a spray bottle of water - then put an oil on my hair (I use EVOO) then put my hair up in a bun. When it drys & I take it down my hair feels much better & not so dry.

LaurelSpring
December 4th, 2010, 11:03 AM
I have felt like this in the past also. I wanted to grow my hair but then the hairdresser took off all of my growth. This went on for years! I was so frustrated!! I absolutely believed that I had to have my ends trimmed every 6 weeks or so. Then I found LHC!

Guess what. You dont have to have your ends trimmed as often as you think. Some people actually dont ever trim them! I've gone for as long as 8 months without a trim now. You dont even have to go to the hairdresser. There are articles here that will help you trim it yourself. I have been doing my own microtrims for over a year now.

Lots of people here have fairytale ends so it doesnt have to be blunt. Mine is like that pretty much now due to tapered growth and old layers. Just check out the pics and stories here. Get encouraged and reboot your commitment to have long hair. Im sure you will find a person with a similar hairtype that you can relate to.

Take good care of your hair. Stay away from the hairdresser for awhile and you will start to see some progress.

Keeping My Hair
December 4th, 2010, 11:11 AM
Hello,
I am a 57 year old male with a good head of hair and it really isn't thin. I have long hair, but unfortunatel I didn't comb it out for about 3 weeks, shame on me, and it got tangled up like you wouldn't believe. Now, I am not going bald and I want to make it clear. It was so tangled that it was like it was braided or beaded. And, it was very difficult to get it untangled and in the process I lost some hair. It just broke off. It is not medical and I am not losing my hair. I want to make it clear. I'd like to have your opinion.
But, will it grow back where the hair was lost, since it came out by my combing it to get it untangled. I beleive it will and I want to keep my hair.
Thank you for your time and any response.
Sincerely,
Keeping My Hair

allmixedup88
December 4th, 2010, 11:15 AM
I hope those parts don't get relaxed over and over again! Although I am thinking about prolonging them. The only thing I don't like about my hairdresser is that she's a bit scissor-happy. But the rest of my hair is fine, albeit easily dry.

Maybe the relaxer is too harsh for your hair and it's drying it out? Curly hair tends to be more dry than anything so you need lots of moisture esp if you're relaxing. The EVOO on the ends is awesome; I do that to my ends and the crunchiness is gone. If you have 3c hair, you have beautiful gorgeous curls, why relax them? After I saw the preview for that movie with Chris Rock and he showed how the relaxer are through the glass cup I was terrified, lol

Eire
December 4th, 2010, 11:15 AM
Hello,
I am a 57 year old male with a good head of hair and it really isn't thin. I have long hair, but unfortunatel I didn't comb it out for about 3 weeks, shame on me, and it got tangled up like you wouldn't believe. Now, I am not going bald and I want to make it clear. It was so tangled that it was like it was braided or beaded. And, it was very difficult to get it untangled and in the process I lost some hair. It just broke off. It is not medical and I am not losing my hair. I want to make it clear. I'd like to have your opinion.
But, will it grow back where the hair was lost, since it came out by my combing it to get it untangled. I beleive it will and I want to keep my hair.
Thank you for your time and any response.
Sincerely,
Todd D.

Maybe you should make your own thread about your issue?

lovege
December 4th, 2010, 11:17 AM
Hello,
I am a 57 year old male with a good head of hair and it really isn't thin. I have long hair, but unfortunatel I didn't comb it out for about 3 weeks, shame on me, and it got tangled up like you wouldn't believe. Now, I am not going bald and I want to make it clear. It was so tangled that it was like it was braided or beaded. And, it was very difficult to get it untangled and in the process I lost some hair. It just broke off. It is not medical and I am not losing my hair. I want to make it clear. I'd like to have your opinion.
But, will it grow back where the hair was lost, since it came out by my combing it to get it untangled. I beleive it will and I want to keep my hair.
Thank you for your time and any response.
Sincerely,
Todd D.

I think it will! You just broke it off by combing the tangles out. Always detange it, so that it doesn't happen again!


Maybe the relaxer is too harsh for your hair and it's drying it out? Curly hair tends to be more dry than anything so you need lots of moisture esp if you're relaxing. The EVOO on the ends is awesome; I do that to my ends and the crunchiness is gone. If you have 3c hair, you have beautiful gorgeous curls, why relax them? After I saw the preview for that movie with Chris Rock and he showed how the relaxer are through the glass cup I was terrified, lol

They are 3c (At least I think?), they aren't soft though. It's like this, but frizzier and they don't look as soft: http://media.photobucket.com/image/3c%20hair%20loose%20curls/the_bouce/Picture1-2.png (the picture isn't me). I like the curls,I try to air dry them sometimes, but I have no idea how to make them smooth, and not frizzed. So that's why I just get it relaxed.

picklepie
December 4th, 2010, 12:41 PM
I'm only a 3a, but I have had good experiences with this method for myself and my 3a daughter: http://www.tightlycurly.com/welcome She advises leaving conditioner in, and while still wet, forming curls so they stick together and protect the hairs. Her website lays out the method really clearly. Might be a place to start-- she gives a list of products she likes for the method too.

I think a lot of information and advice out there (boar bristle brushes, dry brushing, frequent trims, blunt ends, etc.) is the result of many people's experience with STRAIGHT HAIR. I know I struggled for years trying to get my hair to "behave", and then spent a decade or so with a shaved head, not wanting to deal with it. I think sometimes even people with curly hair, even hairdressers, have been so deeply influenced by the dominant ideas about (straight) hair that they can't see what's right in front of them.

Glad you are feeling better! 3-4 inches off when you didn't want it must have been a nasty shock!

UltraBella
December 4th, 2010, 12:53 PM
Hello,
I am a 57 year old male with a good head of hair and it really isn't thin. I have long hair, but unfortunatel I didn't comb it out for about 3 weeks, shame on me, and it got tangled up like you wouldn't believe. Now, I am not going bald and I want to make it clear. It was so tangled that it was like it was braided or beaded. And, it was very difficult to get it untangled and in the process I lost some hair. It just broke off. It is not medical and I am not losing my hair. I want to make it clear. I'd like to have your opinion.
But, will it grow back where the hair was lost, since it came out by my combing it to get it untangled. I beleive it will and I want to keep my hair.
Thank you for your time and any response.
Sincerely,
Keeping My Hair

I agree that you should start you own thread about your hair, this thread is for the OP and I wouldn't want to see it derailed too far from her specific needs. If you make your own, we can concentrate on you and your specific issues. :)

Athena's Owl
December 4th, 2010, 01:11 PM
They are 3c (At least I think?), they aren't soft though. It's like this, but frizzier and they don't look as soft: http://media.photobucket.com/image/3c%20hair%20loose%20curls/the_bouce/Picture1-2.png (the picture isn't me). I like the curls,I try to air dry them sometimes, but I have no idea how to make them smooth, and not frizzed. So that's why I just get it relaxed.

well, take a second to click this link. it's a picture of my hair in march 2010.

http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/album.php?albumid=3095&pictureid=67663

It's not wet. it's perfectly dry in that photo.

that's pretty ideal hair. And I can get those results consistently, but it took me some time to work it out.

Three resources for you, to read

the first one is free. it's tightlycurly.com. Teri La Flesh has a bunch of photos so you can see her hair - it's long, and it's curly and wonderful. she's got a wealth of information on products and hair cosmetic ingredients, and she freely shares her techniques. She's also got a book out - i think if I had a library in my bathroom, i'd have this book there for reference.

the next one is cheap. it's livecurlylivefree.com and it's an ebook for ten bucks. More really great information, mostly about the trichology of curly hair and a very good way to assess your hair's condition. it's the information I read in that book that led to really silky shiny not frizzy curls

the last one is cheap. it's Curly Girl and you can buy it on amazon or other bookseller websites. this is the book that got me started with a totally new way to take care of my hair with amazing results.

LHC has a ton of really good threads about haircare from washing techniques to styling tools to hairstyles - if I had to pick one thing that i would say made it possible to grow my hair to the length it is, it's absolutely LHC and their wealth of ideas, instruction, and inspriation for updos. I put my hair up in a bun most of the time. it protects my ends and keeps them from drying out or rubbing against clothes and furniture.

one feature of LHC I cannot reccommend enough are the articles. there are dozens of them and they are fantastic. here's the one I want everyone on LHC to read as soon as they get here, or as soon as possible after that:

http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?do=article&articleid=39

that's Ursula's standard newbie advice. it's a must read.

Cailie
December 4th, 2010, 01:17 PM
This can be usefull, it was to me ! (I'm also a curly) :flower:

Kimmaytube's amazing youtube video about hair growth (http://www.youtube.com/user/kimmaytube#p/u/0/4_LKGqydL8s)

Lots of inspiration and information (http://www.youtube.com/user/kimmaytube#g/u)

Hair plopping video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iEUvUzO0q0)

Night time curl care video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAzS8t8uoLI&feature=related)

Moiturizing curly hair (http://www.youtube.com/user/latina4u55#p/u/5/eTA-4O7kpG0)

Self-trim video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xw76mmh4o8Y) // and another one ! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9Erf49Eyxc&feature=related)

and you can follow this thread : Give yourself the piece of (hair) advice you wish you did long ago... (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=60547&page=9)

People will often give contradictory information, but we all have unique hair and you need to learn what works best for YOU ! It's a fun road, you'll see :)

MsBubbles
December 4th, 2010, 01:17 PM
I'm sorry you're feeling down about your hair, Lovege. I know exactly how frustrated you feel - when I used to go to hair dressers for my hair cuts they used to cut it back to shoulder every time, even when I told them I was 'growing it'. I remember my sister lovingly and jokingly suggesting she find a paper bag to put over my head after I came out of the salon in tears many years ago. BUT!! There is a solution - already mentioned in the replies here:

Feye's Self Trim!!

It's miraculous. My hair is now waist length with minimal damage.

Stick around here - since you have gorgeous curls you will find out what works best for your hair type, and how to minimize damage.

Welcome!

clichepithet
December 4th, 2010, 01:23 PM
Stop going to hairdressers.

Trim it yourself. (http://community.livejournal.com/feyeselftrim)

Problem solved.



ETA: No, I didn't read anything other than the Post #1.

Tom Steinberg
December 4th, 2010, 01:24 PM
Lovege, have you tried regular scalp massage or using a brush that will stimulate blood flow? Maybe that will do the trick... I think most of us are more or less searhing for THE way to make our hair longer, healthier and thicker, but looking at the various advices here on the board it is clear that it is pretty individual. Keep up the good work :)

eezepeeze
December 4th, 2010, 01:26 PM
We've all been there!! We've all had days that we just hate our hair and nothing and no one can make us feel better.

Once, in my very early twenties (I had chin length at that point) I went in for a trim and shaping up of my style right before I was to be a bridesmaid in a big wedding. My usual stylist wasn't there, so I went to another girl. She totally butchered my hair and gave me this poodle cut like an old lady would have!! It was awful!! It was about an inch long all over my head with no shape to it--well, it had a bowl shape--and total frizz! I went home crying!

I started letting my hair grow that day, although I didn't go beyond shoulder length for a long time because I, like you, thought my hair needed those regular trims. Later, in my early thirties, I decided to grow to BSL and just sort of ease up on the high-maintenance hair that I had had. Then, last year I found this site and my hair has never been healthier. I do have some damage at the ends, including some splits, but Ijust deal with them by using products designed to hide them when I wear my hair down.

I wear a lot of protective styles and use the mini-trim method, although I do have my mom cut it so it is even. I've tried doing it myself, but wound up with jagged ends, so I have her do it for me. I tell her exactle how much to take off and she only takes that much off. I can trust her in a way I couldn't trust the stylists.

Regarding damage, I figure that by doing the mini trims, I am slowly getting rid of it. I am keeping the length of my hair as healthy as possible by following a number of pointers I've picked up here. I actually find that having a bit of taper to my hair makes it easier to manage in updos and braids and keeps my frizzy curly hair from becoming a triangle.

Hang in there! You're not alone! We all have bad days, but just remember that "hair does not a woman make; the woman makes the hair" meaning that your beauty comes from within you. You are beautiful, no matter what your hair looks like, because there is only one you, you are unique, and there can never be another you. Rejoice in your individuality and take comfort from the sisterhood (and brotherhood) here. We know what you're going through! Hope you feel better!

Cailie
December 4th, 2010, 02:14 PM
These shower-detangling-and-moisturizing-tips might be usefull too :)

Gru's shower routine ! (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showpost.php?p=1308189&postcount=14)

jojo
December 4th, 2010, 03:43 PM
This is true....and also remember lovege....that not having long hair does not make you unattractive either. Sure long hair can be beautiful...but when you ask me whether or not I think someone is so... I have to look far beyond the hair on their head. I think a lot of people may grow their hair in an attempt at beautification on some level. Whether its a self-perceived beauty or an act to enhance public exposure, I couldnt say. But I will say that what makes a person truly beautiful is something that cannot be seen in a mirror. I think that Rivanariko's suggestion of the microtrims might be what you could benefit from.

what a beautiful and oh so true statement.....:sushi: <----a new one!

PraiseCheeses
December 4th, 2010, 04:37 PM
Glad you are feeling better!:grouphug:

lovege
December 4th, 2010, 05:01 PM
Thank you guys so much! Reading your comments have given me so much to hope for with my hair in the future!

Athena's Owl: It tells me that I am unable to see that page!

Thanks for the wonderful advice and links everyone:D:happydance:

I'm having fun browsing (:

Cailie
December 4th, 2010, 05:22 PM
You need to write more messages before you can see personal albums pf LHC members :)

ddiana1979
December 4th, 2010, 05:34 PM
I have a wonderful stylist whom I love (and have gone to for 9 years now), but since I'm also a major CONTROL FREAK when it comes to my hair, I take in a ruler, and show him EXACTLY how much I want taken off. Some people can't visualize what 1/4" looks like (though IMO, stylists should). But dammit, I want it done MY way, and when it's done exactly to my specifications, I tip extremely well. ;)

Search & Destroy missions or self trimming are also excellent options. I'm just too afraid of scissors near my hair to do it myself. After all, who will I complain about if it gets cut incorrectly? LOL

spidermom
December 4th, 2010, 05:48 PM
Dry your eyes; hair keeps growing. To keep ends on the thick side, get teeny-tiny trims on a regular basis (example - 1/2 inch every 3-4 months), and you're good to grow.

TrudieCat
December 4th, 2010, 06:16 PM
Hi lovege, :grouphug:

First of all, and most importantly, not being pretty does not make you worthless.

Secondly, I'm sure that your hair does not determine your prettiness.

Thirdly, tapered ends are just fine. Maybe this is the way your hair is going to grow. There is nothing wrong with that! Everyone's hair tapers at some point.

You don't have to keep going to your hairdresser, either. There's a method called Feye's Self Trim -- just search for it, I'm sure you'll find instructions. Then you can take off however much you want at a time.

Sorry you're feeling down. :flowers:

This is fabulous advice! True words of wisdom, for real.


This is true....and also remember lovege....that not having long hair does not make you unattractive either. Sure long hair can be beautiful...but when you ask me whether or not I think someone is so... I have to look far beyond the hair on their head. I think a lot of people may grow their hair in an attempt at beautification on some level. Whether its a self-perceived beauty or an act to enhance public exposure, I couldnt say. But I will say that what makes a person truly beautiful is something that cannot be seen in a mirror. I think that Rivanariko's suggestion of the microtrims might be what you could benefit from.

This man knows what he's talking about. Just beautiful words here, perfect explanation. :)

Best wishes, OP, as you figure out what works best for you!

Gilly
December 4th, 2010, 10:39 PM
Ditch that hairdresser that is the first thing to do, then check the ingredient lists of ALL the shampoo, conditioners etc you are using, maybe, just maybe the dry ends are because of build up. You say you have used that routine for years and I did not see any mention of clarifying, I checked a few Mizani products and they had silicones in, while these work well for some, they can cause dryness for others.
I have been struggling for years to get past shoulder length, my hair just goes horrible when it gets to a certain length and I end up cutting it back but now I have decided that I will do whatever I need to do to get it past that horrible stage, its getting there, its not easy but I know eventually it WILL get there, yours will too!
Glad you are feeling happier!:happydance:

Artsy
December 8th, 2010, 04:17 PM
lovege
I have to also suggest to start reading the ingredient lists of your shampoo/condish to fing out what your hair likes or not.
Your hair products contain protein according to online info. Your hair might not like it at all. For some people protein can cause build-up and crunchiness after the 1st wash.
Also your conditioner contains glycerin, which may be a problem if you live in a dry climate.
Any sort of buildup dryness is reversible

musicallberrii
December 8th, 2010, 04:35 PM
Some peoples hair does grow with tapered ends.. I take off some damage frequently, but my hair has always had 'stringy' looking ends. I say dump the hair dresser and start trimming at home yourself, only when you need it and only a tiny bit. I haven't been to a salon in 5 years and don't plan to go back because I had someone trim off 3 inches when I asked her to just even it up.

Intransigentia
December 8th, 2010, 05:34 PM
Glad you're feeling better, human bodies can be uncooperative, but that doesn't reflect on the human person in the body!

The thing that piqued my interest was what you said about wanting a blunt hemline (which happens to be my favourite too). Heres' the thing: not only are you constantly having old hairs fall out and new baby hairs grow in, the individual hairs aren't necessarily all growing at the same speed. Which means that if you cut the tapered/thinner part back to where it's thick and blunt, it's the fastest-growing hairs that are getting cut off, and if, like happened to you, it gets cut even shorter than where the taper becomes obvious, you're losing length where you can least afford it, in the slow hairs and new hairs. If you can tolerate a thinner, tapered hemline for a while, the slow hairs and the new baby hairs will grow and the length where the thinning and tapering starts, will move downwards.

SpeakingEZ
December 10th, 2010, 05:22 AM
Glad you're feeling better, human bodies can be uncooperative, but that doesn't reflect on the human person in the body!

The thing that piqued my interest was what you said about wanting a blunt hemline (which happens to be my favourite too). Heres' the thing: not only are you constantly having old hairs fall out and new baby hairs grow in, the individual hairs aren't necessarily all growing at the same speed. Which means that if you cut the tapered/thinner part back to where it's thick and blunt, it's the fastest-growing hairs that are getting cut off, and if, like happened to you, it gets cut even shorter than where the taper becomes obvious, you're losing length where you can least afford it, in the slow hairs and new hairs. If you can tolerate a thinner, tapered hemline for a while, the slow hairs and the new baby hairs will grow and the length where the thinning and tapering starts, will move downwards.

I've been trying to find a way to say that for the longest time. I can't explain it well at all, I might use this to explain my methods to friends.

And, since I do not have curly hair . . . I have nothing else to say. Take it away, curlies! :cheese:

Athena's Owl
December 10th, 2010, 11:37 AM
One thing I will add, as a curly In my own experience, blunt ends with no taper = disastrous pyramid head. it's better to have long layers, if you cut, or just let it grow to the point where you can do feye's self trim and/or a curl by curl trim. I use both methods. I just trimmed off 2 inches not ten minutes ago.

I decided that TBL was geting to feel a bit unmanageable, and I was finding that snarls were getting caught on my ends. so I did a fairly big trim and we'll see if that feels better and is easier to detangle. if it's not, I'll trim it again, but that trim will be a curl by curl technique.

jesis
December 10th, 2010, 11:54 AM
They are 3c (At least I think?), they aren't soft though. It's like this, but frizzier and they don't look as soft: http://media.photobucket.com/image/3c&#37;20hair%20loose%20curls/the_bouce/Picture1-2.png (the picture isn't me). I like the curls,I try to air dry them sometimes, but I have no idea how to make them smooth, and not frizzed. So that's why I just get it relaxed.

The best thing I did for my hair was embrace my curls, the way they are naturally. There are a ton of sites out there that have great products that make your hair look good without relaxing. :) I was a slave to flat iron for 9 years, but now I love my curls and I wouldn't trade them for straight hair!

Since you already use EVOO, you could give a honey/evoo treatment a try. I swear by this method of deep conditioning. Just mix 1-2 TBSP of Honey with 1-2 TBSP of EVOO and let it sit on your hair for about 30 minutes. Then you shampoo and condition. It is a miracle worker for girls with curls. :D

NaturallyCurly.com has great recipes and advice as well. Good luck!

aenflex
December 10th, 2010, 12:18 PM
Take better care of the ends, isolate what is causing the problems/damage and make some changes. You'll get there :)

Maddy25
December 10th, 2010, 02:20 PM
awww, I know how you feel, when my hair isnt the way I want it I feel like dying too and like it's ruined my whole life. But just try to look on the bright side this time, your hair is a bit shorter, but I bet your ends look amazing now!!! You can still have long hair, dont ever think you cant <3

curlymarcia
December 10th, 2010, 03:54 PM
Cheer up Lovege!! your hair will grow up, and with good care it will grow healthier ;) I am sure that your thin ends are not that bad in a 3c hair, and since your hair is coarse and with a normal amount of hair I am sure the ends will thicker, just give it some time. P.D. Why don't you trim your hair yourself???

KLin
December 10th, 2010, 05:50 PM
Loveage, it has been over a month. How are you doing? Hope you have found some techniques to help you.

I really got a lot of good advice reading your thread. Hope you are growing well.

ccmuffingirl
December 10th, 2010, 07:57 PM
I feel your pain. The only solution, in my mind, would be to learn how to trim your hair yourself. There are various different methods that work for different hair types. Do some research so that the length that you cut off is entirely in your hands and you also decide how frequently or infrequently you would like to trim.

side-note: Just realized this is an old post, but my advice is still the same :).

maus
December 11th, 2010, 04:56 PM
Loveage, it has been over a month. How are you doing? Hope you have found some techniques to help you.

I really got a lot of good advice reading your thread. Hope you are growing well.

Me too! How are you doing? I really hope you have stopped seeing that particular hairdresser (actually, any hairdresser for that matter, if you want to grow long hair) and maybe have found a trusted person to do microtrims on your hair, or you have started doing self-trims. Or maybe you are just doing a lot of pampering and stopped trimming all together. That's what I did, and my hair looks fine - maybe not as great as if I'd get it trimmed all the time, but it still does look good, and it is getting loooooong!

And whenever people ask me how my hair got so long, I always tell them that I don't cut it. Imagine that - if you don't cut hair, it grows. Who would have thunked! :p