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aries
November 22nd, 2010, 01:00 AM
My husband and I were sitting at the boardwalk tonight and started talking about religion and long hair and things in between. Part of the long hair talk came from him telling me he thought I should color my hair because I am too young to have as much grey hair as I do and he thinks it would help my self esteem as well. He also thinks it would help my fragile shedding hair (hypothyroid) become stronger too.

I talked to him about the great possibility of damage and disasters from coloring and his answer was to go buy a wig til my hair grew back if that were to happen. Now you all have to understand that he is a complete long hair advocate and absoluteley hates short hair on women.

I am not understanding this change in his attitude.

I have thought about doing henna in the past but in researching found it does not cover grey so didn't give it any more thought.

I came to grips with having grey hair and decided to embrace them and then this curve ball came at me.

Oh, my 16 year old daughter agrees with him and wants me to color as well. What gives? I don't understand...

Any input from those with colored hair, used to have colored hair and so on would be appreciated.

DreadfulWoman
November 22nd, 2010, 01:20 AM
Sounds like they are both trying to be supportive of you, but unfortunately just missed the mark. It sounds like he just wants you to do what's going to make you happy, but maybe doesn't realize that growing your grays is making you happy. And 16-year-old girls are just pro- hair dye generally, or at least I know I was at that age. :rolleyes:

Oh, I guess I should add that I don't have dyed hair or gray hair, but I do think gray looks lovely on other ladies at any age. :)

Hotrox
November 22nd, 2010, 01:27 AM
It sounds to me like he suggested it to you our of love and care, although maybe misguided.

Does he know how passionate you are about staying natural? Also, why does he think your self esteem needs a boost? Sounds to me like he just cares for you and wants you to be happy. If staying uncoloured will bring this for you, just thank him for the advice and let him know you are happy just as you are.

As for colouring advice - henndigo covers my sparkles very nicely with the added benefit of extra shine and body.

Debra83
November 22nd, 2010, 01:34 AM
For my own personal preference, I prefer grays on men than women. I use Lustrous Henna, and mix soft black with dark brown to get the colour I have now. It covers all my grays completely, for about 2 weeks, until the roots are visible in different places. (I have a white streak at one place on my bangs and a few whites in different places, and when I see a few roots, I do the Lustrous Henna thing again). I find gray ages a woman dramatically in my eyes, but not men. Just my two cents.

Dreams_in_Pink
November 22nd, 2010, 02:47 AM
They say 2 step indigo and henna covers greys successfully (dyeing hair to black), but first you need to ask yourself if you really want to go grey or not.

jaine
November 22nd, 2010, 02:49 AM
I think gray hair on a young woman looks unique and mysterious and magical...like a sorceress. :)

I agree with the others he meant well but misunderstood what he should say to make you happy.

Maybe if he sees you complimenting your own hair color and being proud of it he'll catch on and do the same.

Sammich
November 22nd, 2010, 02:53 AM
Sounds like they are both trying to be supportive of you, but unfortunately just missed the mark. It sounds like he just wants you to do what's going to make you happy, but maybe doesn't realize that growing your grays is making you happy. And 16-year-old girls are just pro- hair dye generally, or at least I know I was at that age. :rolleyes:

Oh, I guess I should add that I don't have dyed hair or gray hair, but I do think gray looks lovely on other ladies at any age. :)

Definitely agree with the 16 year olds are pro hair dye, teenagers in general are. :p *Points at me* however, I only generally think of doing it to myself and not pushing it onto other people because I like to 'experiment' :cheese:

And *Hugs* to you thread starter! :) I really do love your grays, and I think they are beautiful as they do set a mysterious image of you, do what you want and don't be pressured please. You'd regret it later due to how long it'll take to grow the dye out... yikes. :p

Roscata
November 22nd, 2010, 03:07 AM
Henna does cover grays, it just takes body art quality henna (mehandi.com has some) and repeated, long applications. If you have a condition you might want to do some extra research.

jaine
November 22nd, 2010, 03:11 AM
Was his comment a reaction to something you confided in him about your hair? I could be wrong but it sounds like the 2nd half of a "fix it" reaction. "Oh, you feel conflicted about your hair? Change it! Problem solved....right?"

Sometimes in those situations I like to steer them in the right direction by asking for the reaction I want (usually a hug) but skipping the details about why I want it. Guys are very willing to do what you need if they know what it is. But if they don't know what you need, they try to think of something on their own to make you feel better, and they're usually off the mark.

leslissocool
November 22nd, 2010, 04:16 AM
Henna does cover hair! It might take a couple of colorings, but believe me so do a lot of chemical dyes..

Plus henna is good for your hair!!! I am in love with it XD!!! Try ordering from mehendi.com or hennahut.com, they have amazing shades!


I think grey hair on women is completely sexy! I think your DH is trying to help you, and if you are up for it, then do so. But know that your grays are just really sexy to a lot of people!

Deimos
November 22nd, 2010, 05:04 AM
I think gray hair on a young woman looks unique and mysterious and magical...like a sorceress. :)

I agree with this!
What it boils down to is this: Do YOU want to dye your hair for whatever reason? Then go for it! It is not a once a year event, if you start to dye your hair you need to keep it up every month. For commercial dye it will be around 2 hours, for henna maybe half a day?
But don't dye your hair for your husband or daughter if you don't feel like it...since your hair is attached to you and you are the one putting in the time to keep it looking neat :)

Atalaya
November 22nd, 2010, 05:26 AM
Good Morning,
I'm kind of in the same place as you, trying to decide whether to keep coloring or let my hair go natural. I've been coloring for so many years, I have no clue what my hair would look like without it!
It does sound like your hubby is just thinking about your best interests. I tried to get my BF's reaction to letting my grays come out. He seemed supportive, but you never know if that reaction will change once you can really see what it looks like.
My decision was to go ahead and try letting mine grow out, and if I feel the need for some color, I'm going to do some semi-permanent or temporary for a while. I think when all is said and done, you have to be the one who is satisfied with your hair.
I do agree with some of the other posters that gray hair on younger women looks sexy and mysterious, but gray hair on middle aged women generally just makes them look that much older. Not saying that's a bad thing in any way...
My decision was to try growing mine out, and if I feel the need for some color, I'm going to use some semi-permanent or temporary, and just see how it goes. If I don't like it, I can always go back :) I think in the end, you have to be satisfied with your own hair and if you are, that will certainly boost your self-esteem!

Hope everyone has a great day! I'm off to the dentist this morning, then painting a bedroom. So far, not much of a vacation!

Atalaya
November 22nd, 2010, 05:28 AM
Good Morning,
I'm kind of in the same place as you, trying to decide whether to keep coloring or let my hair go natural. I've been coloring for so many years, I have no clue what my hair would look like without it!
It does sound like your hubby is just thinking about your best interests. I tried to get my BF's reaction to letting my grays come out. He seemed supportive, but you never know if that reaction will change once you can really see what it looks like.
My decision was to go ahead and try letting mine grow out, and if I feel the need for some color, I'm going to do some semi-permanent or temporary for a while. I think when all is said and done, you have to be the one who is satisfied with your hair.
I do agree with some of the other posters that gray hair on younger women looks sexy and mysterious, but gray hair on middle aged women generally just makes them look that much older. Not saying that's a bad thing in any way...
My decision was to try growing mine out, and if I feel the need for some color, I'm going to use some semi-permanent or temporary, and just see how it goes. If I don't like it, I can always go back :) I think in the end, you have to be satisfied with your own hair and if you are, that will certainly boost your self-esteem!

Hope everyone has a great day! I'm off to the dentist this morning, then painting a bedroom. So far, not much of a vacation!

:rolleyes: Oops, I haven't quite got the hang of the quick and advanced replies yet lol..sorry for the repeat of info in my reply!

Xandergrammy
November 22nd, 2010, 05:38 AM
I love gray/white/silver hair and always have. I decided to stop coloring 4-1/2 years ago. I've found that my virgin hair is much stronger and my scalp is much happier. IMO, I don't think coloring your hair will do your already fragile hair any good at all. I think you have lovely hair.

Demetrue
November 22nd, 2010, 05:38 AM
I guess the main question is what do YOU want to do, regardless of what husband, daughter and society say. I think healthy shiny silver hair looks HOT if you carry yourself with confidence. I know from personal experience that conventional box dye PLUS bleaching in highlights eventually hurt my hair through repeated processing over the years. I was trying to hide my silvers because I thought I was too young to go gray and ended up giving myself a "chemical haircut" where most of my length just broke right off (this was after years of dying and overlapping the dye). If YOU want to color the gray, then by all means research henna and indigo as that seems to be a very healthy way to color. Just be advised that you may need to touch up roots every 3 weeks and it is a royal pain to grow out any kind of permanent dye, including henna, once you want to go all natural again.

I, personally, wish I had never gotten started on the "dying to color silver hair" cycle.

Pierre
November 22nd, 2010, 06:03 AM
I have grays and henna does cover them. It does not make them the same color as the rest of my hair; that's the beauty of henna. It also strengthens hair. I use BAQ henna and leave it on overnight. If you want to color, I strongly recommend henna. But if you don't, then don't.

mellie
November 22nd, 2010, 06:08 AM
Your natural color is so beautiful, shiny, healthy and IRREPLACEABLE! Don't do a thing!! You'll regret it, it takes years and years to grow back out long hair after dyeing, and then you'll have a demarcation line too. Not to mention a dyed color never looks as flattering as your own healthy natural color! I henndigo'ed for a while but when I look back at photos from them, the color was too dark, unnatural and not flattering to my skin tone like my natural salt & pepper. Also there is the problem of constant upkeep (every two to three weeks) and the constant worry of "roots" showing. It is so refreshing and wonderful to be comfortable in one's own hair!! There is nothing like feeling authentic in one's own skin! Also, as you mentioned, there is the problem of scalp reactions (both for chemical dye and for henna).

It is very typical of people to say that women need to cover their silvers. Each of us need to show that is not true...women can have long salt & pepper hair that looks gorgeous, healthy and AMAZING! It is nature providing beautiful highlights that are completely impossible to achieve any other way. It is beautiful and to be enjoyed and loved!! :cheer:

P.S. I just wanted to say too, that there is a misconception about "premature" gray. There are MANY, many people on this board that have started to get silvers in their teens (I got my first silvers around age 18 ). It is perfectly natural.

mellie
November 22nd, 2010, 06:21 AM
P.P.S. Also just wanted to mention that chemical dye was VERY bad for shedding, I lost tons of hair when I was using chemical hair color. All day I would feel my hairs falling on my arms, it was horrible!!

Carolyn
November 22nd, 2010, 06:27 AM
Have you been talking about your hair or complaining about your looks recently to your family? If you have, it may be their way of supporting you in what they think will solve the problem. Maybe they think you want to do something but need a push to do it? Just guessing here of course.

I have my hair dyed professionally to cover my silvers. I have it dyed to my original natural color. I love it and I think I have minimal damage from it. BUT my natural color is ashy blonde and from your siggie and avatar pics, it looks like your hair is brown. That means your root touch ups would be much more often than mine. I go at least 3 months between touch ups so my upkeep is very low for a person who dyes. If your hair is fragile I would guess you wouldn't have the same low maintenance results as I do.

I think you should give it a lot of careful thought and do what you want to do, not what someone else thinks you should do. And if you are talking/complaining about your hair at home, think about stopping it.

FrannyG
November 22nd, 2010, 06:45 AM
I suspect that your husband and daughter are making an attempt to support you in some sort of self-esteem issue. However, I must admit to being puzzled by the reaction of "if it gets damaged you can wear a wig". :confused:

Myself, I do dye my hair, but I would never suggest that anyone else do it. I only wish that I was the type of person like you who embraces their silvers. (I started getting a lot of grey in my 20s)

I think that sometimes men try to give us what they think are solutions to our concerns. Were you perhaps engaged in talking about how you didn't feel at your best right now?

In any case, you need to do what you are comfortable with. Your hair is beautiful as it is, and you already know what you'd be risking by dyeing it.

Your hair, your decision. I would have another talk with your husband and let him know how you yourself truly feel about your silvers.

And Carolyn brought up a good point. The darker your hair, the sooner the silver in the roots show up. Dyeing your hair, whether with henna or regular dye would be a huge commitment.

These points might also be brought to your husband's attention.

Please don't feel that your husband would prefer you with coloured hair. I believe that he is thinking that you might feel better with it. Better to straighten this out sooner than later.

In2wishin
November 22nd, 2010, 06:58 AM
I stopped coloring my hair in the spring. I really wish I hadn't started but that is all water under the bridge now. I have about 4-5" of virgin hair and over 25" of colored hair so we are looking at a few years before it will all become virgin.

Have you thought about trying a temporary or a "no-lift" demi-permanent? That will give you the look without permanently affecting your natural hair. You can do it and decide if you want to continue or go permanent. If you don't want to go permanent, no harm since the demi washes out eventually.

In the end, it is your decision. I agree that your DH is trying to be helpful and supportive but may have missed the mark.

If you choose to not do anything, keep coming back here: there is so much support for whatever your choices are.

curlylocks85
November 22nd, 2010, 07:05 AM
I don't know the details of your situation, but from how you told your story it sounds like your husband and daughter may have an issue with your hair, not you. You even stated that you have come to terms with your hair. Maybe you are feeling a bit insecure because they are telling you would feel better and look better if you did (insert action) to yourself. I am not saying that they think you look bad or anything like that. I am just wondering if the issue is not your own and now you think you may need to change. I would ask both of them together why they made these comments. I think it would give you a better idea on where they stand and how you actually feel. There is nothing wrong with grey hair. I disagree that it makes women look older. There are plenty of women over 40 and 50+ that rock grey hair. Good luck to you. Let us know how it turns out. :)

christi.adell
November 22nd, 2010, 07:07 AM
Well if you don't want to dye it don't do it!
But (and not trying to be mean here) maybe your husband doesn't like gray hair? I mean obviously it's not his head and you can do whatever you want but maybe he's just trying to tell you he doesn't like it?
Mine hates gray hair, I don't like it on me either (tried natural and didn't like it) so now I color.

Maybe he thinks it'll make you feel better about your hair? And it might. I felt loads better getting rid of grays. Everyone's different of course and some ladies love the gray and that's great. But I felt younger and hotter covering them so I don't know it's something to think about in my opinion if you're not against it.

lapushka
November 22nd, 2010, 07:30 AM
I'd ask him why his attitude changed. He seems to be a little annoyed at you for not dyeing your hair, that's what it comes across as to me. Who knows, maybe he's gotten a few comments from other people about you (which wouldn't be at all nice). There has to be some sort of explanation when he was okay with it before.

Maybe explain to him that you've come to terms with going gray. But he already knows that? No? The only thing you can do is ask him about this.

I decided to no longer have my hair dyed a couple of years ago, and I had had no problem with hair dye up until that point. But all of a sudden I reacted badly. In short: chunks of hair (yes chunks) fell out of my head, my hair was chemically cut in some places, it turned a sooty black (light brown dye) and my scalp was burnt (for which I required a specially prescribed lotion). I think I'll wait with dye until I'm more than significantly gray.

mali
November 22nd, 2010, 07:35 AM
I think him and your 16 year old daughter are being a little sellfish.They aren't doing it for you,they're doing it for them,as they think that ''having grey hair as such a young age is gross''.If they really did support you,they would have agreed with your decisions as it is YOUR hair,and not theirs.

All I'm saying is,don't color your hair,it's your hair and you DON'T want to f*** it up and wear wigs afterwards.Don't do it for them.Do it for yourself if you want to color your hair.

Caldonia Sun
November 22nd, 2010, 07:57 AM
Dye does not strengthen hair. The chemicals actually weaken it. If your hair is fragile, you really want to be careful. Wigs really aren't a great alternative as they are hot and itchy.

I colored mine for many a year and came to regret it. The chemicals irritated and burned my scalp and left me with permanent sensitivities.

Maybe it would be better to keep it in a style that you like and is flattering. Also, wear clothing in colors that flatter gray hair, which usually means staying away from anything with a yellow base, including beige.

littlenvy
November 22nd, 2010, 08:36 AM
*sigh* MEN!
Mine also likes me with very light blonde. I like it too, but I'm just sick of colouring it. I have been doing it since the 80's and I've had enough.

One thing I found is that store colour is BAD! VERY BAD! Henna does not agree with my hair at all and getting it done at the salon is way too expensive in the long run.
So I started to use Herbatint. Its still a colour and I'm sure its damaging but its the least damaging thing which works for me. It has no amonia and is low in peroxide and has no smell. The only thing is it takes longer then store bought colour.
If you decide to colour your hair, you may want to try that.

Good luck with whichever you decide :)

Eire
November 22nd, 2010, 09:54 AM
One positive thing about going grey this young is that you'll have a full head of silver before long, which I always think looks pretty awesome when long. In my family we don't really get grey hairs until late 50's, but usually all we ever end up with are small random streaks of silver (like along the temples). So even though I admire those silver heads in others, I don't think I'll ever have it myself :(

Another thing you need to consider is when you *have* converted to full silver and if you decide you like it, you're going to have to grow out dye, which can take years on long hair. It also looks awkward if you have dark hair. A woman at my church had shoulder lenth hair that was silver-white to about top of her ears, then dyed dark brown the rest of the way down. I don't know about you, but having to go through that would irritate me.

skaempfer
November 22nd, 2010, 10:03 AM
I don't know. Maybe some of the other posters are right and he (and daughter) think *you* seem to be suffering under the grey and really believe you'd be happy with dye.

I'd clock him, though; but that's just me. What's next, "honey, your lips are getting thin, how 'bout I buy you some Botox for your birthday?" I'd be worried that it's about him being insecure- the way some people of middle age suddenly take up with a person 20 years younger and don't realise that it's not love, it's them needing to feel youthful by association.

This make any sense?
Best bet, tell him how the comment made you feel straight out. If he's a good guy, he'll want to clear the air and let you know how he meant it. If not....

nytquill
November 22nd, 2010, 10:20 AM
To me the real question is WHY did he say it? Is he trying to encourage you and it came out wrong, or is he trying to pressure you into something, or is he trying to hint at something he'd like to see you try?

It sounds like he's been misinformed somewhere about what dye does and doesn't do for hair. And that wigs are an "easy" solution if your hair gets damaged! I wasn't there to hear the tone of voice and I don't know what else has been going on in your relationship or with regards to your hair lately, but I agree with those that say it sounds like misguided support. Seems like he's trying to be encouraging or helpful overall but it just came out a bit clumsy.

My DH and I call this kind of thing "slaying dragons," where one person rushes in to help and fix a perceived problem when that isn't really the kind of help you needed or wanted. I have been known to tell my DH to "Stop helping me!" :lol:

I get the idea that you're feeling a little insecure anyway (maybe deep down) and that's part of why getting the same comment from both husband and daughter is affecting you so deeply. I'm the same way; I have some sun spots on my face that I don't like, but on a normal day I don't give it a lot of thought so I say well I'm fine with it...but then if two different people were to say "you should wear makeup" I would still be pretty upset, which means that on some level I'm NOT fine with it or it wouldn't bother me. Like if two people tell me to cut my hair I wouldn't even think about feeling bad, I'd just say "those people don't know what they're talking about" because I have complete confidence about my length. But if it's something I'm secretly worried about anyway then I accept more what other people say.

The only thing that matters here is what you want to do, though. You might regret dying your hair if you try it, or you might regret not trying it and always wondering. It depends what type of person you are. The important thing is to do it for you and not for somebody else, even your husband. But I don't know that he was intending to pressure you with what he said or if it just came out wrong.

I think some people are just interested in seeing the "other option". When I was a kid I used to try to talk my mom into NOT dying her hair and letting it grow out, because she was always coloring it and getting new styles. Although she did some pretty cool stuff with her hair, but I wanted to see what would happen if she did nothing... And at the same time, other than a little experimenting during middle school, I never changed my hair in any drastic way and my dad was always after me to "do something different" with my hair, I think because he was used to my mom and other "normal" women and girls getting their hair styled and colored all the time and thought I needed to be brought out of my shell? So I guess what I mean by all that is that what other people think you should do with your hair really says more about them than it does about your hair.

Tia2010
November 22nd, 2010, 10:36 AM
If his attitude has changed regarding your hair color I would ask him why. Your 16yo dd I can understand , lots of them like to play around with hair so that seems like a natural reaction to me , but your dh sounds like something brought up his "dye the greys away" idea.

Was he always supportive of the natural or was he just supportive of you so he accepted the natural hair color ? There is a difference. My dh is supportive of me growing long hair because he loves me and it's what I want but at the same time he's not a fan of really long hair...so while he is being supportive , he doesn't really love it.( I'm hoping that may change as it gets longer , but who knows :) ) Maybe your dh loves and supports your decision because he loves and supports you but doesn't really love the look of it.

I have no experience with henna , so I can't offer any advice on that. But if you do decide to dye I would do a demi or semi perminant color because if you do hate it you won't have that long , LONG , grow out period. And I would suggest you keep it at your natural color , that way it's much easier to stop and not have to wait for the dye to grow out.

spidermom
November 22nd, 2010, 10:40 AM
It could be that he feels older and less vital with a wife who has gray hair. Men have self-esteem issues sometimes, too.

It's your hair, do what you like.

GRU
November 22nd, 2010, 11:37 AM
I never leave my henna (which is more cassia than henna) on for longer than a couple hours, and it always sticks to my grays. My grays aren't as dark as the rest of my hair -- they look more like strawberry/blonde "highlights" -- but they definitely aren't gray anymore.

linda g
November 22nd, 2010, 06:07 PM
Henna is something you want to be VERY sure about. I've been growing mine out for a year. It will be with you a long time.

While I loved the color of henna, my percentage of grays was high enough that the roots were very obvious.

Also, the application of henna is not for the faint of heart. ;) It can be messy, not everyone cares for the odor, and you need to leave the mud on your head for a while. And rinsing it out is no picnic either.

Please understand, dear henna-heads, I am not anti-henna! Glorious color, healthy hair... but not everyone is ready for the responsibility. It's like getting a puppy. :D

Fairlight63
November 22nd, 2010, 06:42 PM
I think that it really depends on what you want to do. If you want to quit coloring your hair then that is what you should do, & not bring up the topic of your hair with DH again.

I guit coloring my hair 3 yrs. ago when I wanted to grow it long & I wanted it to be healthy. I had looked at all of the older ladies that colored their hair & I didn't think that their hair looked healthy - it looked weird colors & their hair looked fried & dead & I didn't want it to look like that.

I have heard of henna but don't know anything about it, except that I have heard that it is hard to change or remove it if you don't like the color, so I didn't want to ruin my long hair.

There is a lady that works at the grocery store that I go to. She used to color her hair a dk. brown & she has quit coloring her hair & it is growing in gray & I think that her natural hair is very pretty on her. She looks very strinking with the gray hair.

AnnaJamila
November 22nd, 2010, 06:49 PM
Henna covers greys, just not the first time you dye the length. The first time it's light enough that you can't really notice that it's grey, it's just nicely highlighted then the more you dye the more similar it is in color to the rest of the hair. Plus it strengthens hair nicely. And absolutely no risk of damage to the hair!!!

Lianna
November 22nd, 2010, 07:04 PM
I'm 25 and I have grey hairs since I was about 17, they're still very few, but there and visible. I also color my hair, has been on and off for some years, I do it not because of greys but because one can color their hair, that simple, I just want a different color.

It doesn't take me long, maybe 10 minutes to apply and the 35 minutes to wait, once a month. I do other "beauty things" that take longer, much longer than that, and more often than once a month, so time isn't that much of a problem. Sum all that time shaving in the shower right...or doing nails, deep treatments for hair, you can pick anything you do really, and compare. Sorry I can't buy how much time consuming it is.

I've also wore wigs and extensions in my life. For a night out, sure is fun but not for everyday, because you "have to". It's unconfortable and I was worried it looked right. I thought that comment he made was quite rude.

Grey hair doesn't seem like a problem to you, only to him. If you feel alright with it, there's no need to dye. But there's no need to evoke only good things about going natural and bad things about dyes. Sure one should be warned about procedures, and do patch tests, but dyes won't make you bald and won't be so damaging if going darker colors. If someone is so afraid of it, it shouldn't be done, I think the outcome would feel and look horrible to them, even if it isn't. (my opinion)

aries
November 22nd, 2010, 11:45 PM
I didn't expect so many replies to my thread lol. I would respond to each of you but there are so many I will try to cover everything in the post.

First let me clarify by saying that my husband is very supportive of natural long hair. He could also care less if it was blue, green, gray or purple lol.

What started all this was that I was talking about several nail polishes I had just purchased that change color in the sun and how younger people probably think I'm too old to wear them but that I didn't care because I loved them. We then fell into how badly I want to see Tangled and the conversation fell upon long hair and how mine is thinning so badly and how many grays I have gotten in the last year or so. He knows I'm suffering esteem issues with my weight and I think he thinks that changing my grays to my natural color would help my esteem with my weight some how. Not quite sure how all that fits together but our conversation was really all over the place. We have a fantastic relationship and can talk about anything. He also thinks that coloring would help strengthen my hair for some reason and wants to help me in any way he can and keep it on my head. I am just really confused how coloring my hair got into the picture at all. Once brought up we did go into some detail about it. I told him that in previous years I have wound up cutting my hair up to my ears because it just does not take color well at all and fries pretty easily and that's when he said we would buy the wig. I was quite shocked at how he tried to keep me from coloring years ago and now is suggesting it. Maybe in talking about being too old for the nail polishes, in younger peoples eyes, I put across the idea that I felt old?

Back ground on me coloring my hair in the past. I used to teach and compete in ballroom dancing and had to have colored hair to stand out so always went red. It seems back in those days color didn't do much damage to my hair but I stopped doing that a long time ago.

I've done semi perm and demi perm coloring in the past and it drives me nuts when it washes out so fast. I did bring that up with hubby and it was part of the discussion after he brought up coloring. I told him it certainly wouldn't be quite so damaging.

Henna, I can't remember who I talked to about henna but it was someone that sells it for hair that told me it would not cover the grays. If I were to do any coloring it would be henna/hendigo more for the strengthening properties than anything. I just don't know that I'm up to all the time and effort to do it. I also don't know if at this stage I want to go for several years with it then have to grow it out to go completely gray.

These two really did make me think about a lot last night and I know it's my own interest in their hearts and not their own. We are a very close family and try to be very supportive of each other and how others feel. We are the "dragon slayers"...lol nytquill...when it comes to trying to fix what's bothering the other person to make them happy.

If I do decide to henna, I will be messaging some of you for assistance in this matter since it seems confusing to me. I want to talk more with my hubby and pick his brain more on this topic since it took me by surprise. He works so much it may be after Thanksgiving before that conversation happens.

Wish he hadn't said anything in some ways because now the seed is planted and my brain is a whirl.

juliaxena
November 23rd, 2010, 12:46 AM
I'm pretty sure, if I marry my fiance, when I get gray, he will want me to dye my hair. I think it's one of those things that can happen when it comes to preferences of your partner's look. My dad preferesmy mom dyes her grays. I don't think he loves her any less just because of that.

lesbia
November 23rd, 2010, 12:49 AM
In my opinion if you take always care of your hair you could also color them, it won't be an excessive disaster...

GRU
November 23rd, 2010, 07:58 AM
Henna, I can't remember who I talked to about henna but it was someone that sells it for hair that told me it would not cover the grays. If I were to do any coloring it would be henna/hendigo more for the strengthening properties than anything. I just don't know that I'm up to all the time and effort to do it. I also don't know if at this stage I want to go for several years with it then have to grow it out to go completely gray.

Maybe do a henna (or henndigo) gloss to dip your toe in the water first. The color change will be minimal compared to a full-on henna application, but it will give you an idea of what you'll be dealing with.

Also, henna isn't all that much more of a time commitment than any other coloring or conditioning session. I mix a large batch of henna and freeze the leftovers, so all I have to do is thaw a bottle of dye-released henna when I want to do my roots. Application takes less than ten minutes for roots-only with an applicator bottle, and I leave it on anywhere from 1-2 hours (I usually surf LHC while it steeps on my head, sometimes I watch tv or read a book or clean/organize my bathroom cupboards or some other productive endeavor, so it's not just "wasted time" for me).

But henna definitely will color grays. Because of the translucent nature of henna, the grays won't be as dark as the non-grays, but they most certainly will take on color.

Unofficial_Rose
November 23rd, 2010, 08:18 AM
I did my grey parting with 50% Lush henna Rouge, 25% cassia and 25% amla today. 2 hours processing time, and they are well and truly covered. :) Greys take up henna pretty well, in my experience.

Dorothy
November 23rd, 2010, 08:24 AM
I agree with all that you should do what you like w/your hair. So I'm just sharing my experience RE coloring greys and using henna. I started to get a lot of grey in my 20s, and covered w/brown dye until I came here. I did a brief stint of red dye in my early 20's that turned my hair to straw, but now that I have so many greys, I can Henna them and become a redhead. The first time was a major deal, like putting mud in your hair, very messy. Now my partner does my roots and she has it down to a science, 30 minutes of application from my frozen henna supply, 2 hrs with a shower cap on, and then washing it out, which would be easier if I had a shower, but at any rate is not that bad. My Henna hair is stronger, I've gained 2 inches, it doesn't smell like hair dye. The variations between the way the greys take the dye and the dark ones give it a more natural, 3 dimensional look. It's also darker in the back because there are fewer greys there. I'd agree it's like getting a puppy, the only way to get rid of it is to cut it off, so I'm glad I like it. Anyway, I use yemeni Henna from Mehandi and have NO trouble whatsoever covering grey.

Most important: do what you want to do with your hair. I wish there was a way to try Henna without making a 5 year committment.

Tressie
November 23rd, 2010, 09:18 AM
I haven't read all of the replies to your post, so I hope I'm not repeating what others have already shared.

I wanted to say that IMHO some men "feel" they appear older when they think their wives are percieved as "older" (gray hair). It may not be your insecurity, but his own!

Now, I could be way off the mark, here, and I hope so, but it bears thinking about. I hope I'm wrong, but I think my DH is very "age conscious" about himself anyway! (o:

Do what YOU want to do, and be sure it's your own idea and motivation, and not manipulation when you decide! Just my two cents!

Tressie
November 23rd, 2010, 09:33 AM
Was his comment a reaction to something you confided in him about your hair? I could be wrong but it sounds like the 2nd half of a "fix it" reaction. "Oh, you feel conflicted about your hair? Change it! Problem solved....right?"

Sometimes in those situations I like to steer them in the right direction by asking for the reaction I want (usually a hug) but skipping the details about why I want it. Guys are very willing to do what you need if they know what it is. But if they don't know what you need, they try to think of something on their own to make you feel better, and they're usually off the mark.

<mini-hijack warning>
Your post made me smile! I'm sure you are right, in general, at least.. and also very intuitive! :D <end hi-jack>!

lapushka
November 23rd, 2010, 09:52 AM
Maybe it's because you gradually got more grays, that he discovered recently that he's not that comfortable with it as he was before and since you somehow (with the nail polish) raised the issue of feeling young, and age, and going gray, maybe he wasn't afraid to bring it up. Maybe he's not into going gray the way you are.

Have you guys talked about this some more yet?

Maverick494
November 23rd, 2010, 10:18 AM
Let me make it clear beforehand that I don't aim to offend anyone with my post.

I hope I will be as accepting as some people are with their greys when the time arrives that I get them too. But for now, whenever I see a young woman with grey littering her hair (I'm not talking about a full head of silver, mind you) I can't help but think: COLOR IT! A colleague of mine is 27 and she has greys in her dark brown hair. She's very pretty, can easily go for 20 weren't it for those greys that really age her somehow. I've never told her because it's not up for me to decide what she does with her hair, just like it's not up to me to decide what you should do. But maybe your husband feels the same way as I do. Also with the great henna, henndigo etc. recipe's out there there are plenty of non damaging ways to go about it. But like I said, that's just what I think and in the end my opinion doesn't count at all.


Maybe it's because you gradually got more grays, that he discovered recently that he's not that comfortable with it as he was before and since you somehow (with the nail polish) raised the issue of feeling young, and age, and going gray, maybe he wasn't afraid to bring it up. Maybe he's not into gray the way you are.

Have you guys talked about this some more yet?

Leave it to Lapushka to word it way better than I ever will. ;)

LisaJaney
November 23rd, 2010, 12:06 PM
I have thought about doing henna in the past but in researching found it does not cover grey so didn't give it any more thought.

IMO, henna DID cover grey hair magnificently well. I used a mix of hennas: one was just normal, red henna, and the other was one of those 'henna-boxes' from Sally Beauty, that was to do brown. I used probably 3:1, red:brown. I got awesome coverage of grey. I'm thinkiing of doing it again. I CO-wash, so the henna stays in a LOOOONG time!

aries
November 26th, 2010, 10:12 PM
We talked some and he really wants me to be happy with myself and doesn't feel that I am. He says that he hasn't felt I am for many years and feels coloring my hair would boost me and make me feel younger and better about myself.

There was a vote that went around at Thanksgiving to see who thought I should color my hair or leave it as is and everyone voted to color...:confused:. I guess in some ways I can understand but it's the same people that I try to get to go without coloring and be natural and embrace their grays heh.

I am still leaning to keep my sparklers but I am going to talk more to hubby and see if I can get more out of him as far as if it's something that's making him feel older. He is talking of coloring his mustache because it's almost completely gray now so I think there is more that he is not saying.

Thank you all for your replies and support with this.

Debra83
November 29th, 2010, 12:07 AM
I use Lustrous Henna. It comes in a powder form and there are many colour versions of it from blonde to black. I mix it in a bowl with hot tap water to pancake batter consistency, then apply it directly from the bowl to my hair. 5 minutes tops. Then I sit with a shower cap on my head and all my hair tucked up in it for about 20 minutes (like right now) and come on LHC! Then I rinse it out, hose of the bathtub with the shower thingy and I'm done. As of tonight I have more white roots than not white roots I believe, and it covers them all. Smells good too.

Here's where I buy it from: http://www.sababotanical.com/

juliaxena
November 29th, 2010, 02:42 AM
We talked some and he really wants me to be happy with myself and doesn't feel that I am. He says that he hasn't felt I am for many years and feels coloring my hair would boost me and make me feel younger and better about myself.

There was a vote that went around at Thanksgiving to see who thought I should color my hair or leave it as is and everyone voted to color...:confused:. I guess in some ways I can understand but it's the same people that I try to get to go without coloring and be natural and embrace their grays heh.

I am still leaning to keep my sparklers but I am going to talk more to hubby and see if I can get more out of him as far as if it's something that's making him feel older. He is talking of coloring his mustache because it's almost completely gray now so I think there is more that he is not saying.

Thank you all for your replies and support with this.


It sounds like he's not happy with both of you?

Pierre
November 29th, 2010, 05:35 AM
I am still leaning to keep my sparklers but I am going to talk more to hubby and see if I can get more out of him as far as if it's something that's making him feel older. He is talking of coloring his mustache because it's almost completely gray now so I think there is more that he is not saying.
Be very careful what he colors his mustache with! My mustache refuses to grow beyond 3 cm, which tickles my lower lip, so I trim it, and it grows out too fast to be worth the trouble to henna it. Many hair coloring products aimed at men contain lead, which he does not want next to his mouth! I henna my beard, which is a pretty soft red and brown with two dreads down to my belly button. Before I started hennaing, it was a mass of prickly splits. But I rarely if ever henna my mustache.

My sideburns have been entirely gray under the henna for several years. They take the color quite well, and my roots are most noticeable there, not on my scalp.