Natural hair looks 'unprofessional'

[Dyefree]

Ok so I've been heat free for a month this saturday. It's been tough, but my hair is thanking me for it, it feels softer, and much more.... 'human'. My curls are getting more defined, and I'm encouraging them. My style is to pin up the majority of my hair with a few loose short curly tendrils free.

I was just getting more comfortable with how I look, enjoying being so free, in a way... and have a new attitude of this is who I am. Part of my motivation for me to go natural is my 22 month old daughter has inherited my exact hair type, and I want her to feel proud of her beautiful curls and waves.

So why, when I dropped off my daughter to my mothers house, on the way to work, did she manage to crush all tiny shoots of confidence I had with;

"Come on, you're not going to work like that are you? It looks so unprofessional."

:(

I love my mum, really I do. She is my best friend and we are always totally honest with each other... so why did she just say that?
I'm a dentist, so I have to look professional to patients, and honestly I thought I did. So why does she feel the need to put me down when all I did was embrace the natural hair that SHE gave me :confused:

Sigh, now I feel terribly self-concious, and quite low about it all. :(

[Armelle]

It sounds so pretty to me!
Moms though...tend to be the worst about comments like that. :(
I can think of a number of TV doctors and professionals with carefully tended curly hair with tendrils creeping about. Does that count? :D

[trillcat]

<<<<hugs>>>>
she sound "Old School", hair shellacked into a helmet, not one stray hair out of place!
I bet you look just fine and quite professional with your hair up and a bit of curls left free. So long as they are not falling in your patients face, its all good!
Dont let her get you down! Parents say the darnedest things, just shake it off and go about your day.

[enfys]

All I can think could be her problem is that there are loose bits. Kind of like food servers have their hair tried back, you don't want patients having your shed hair stuck to them.

From your description it sounds both professional and a little bit funky, which would probably put patients minds are ease more than if it was tightly scraped back and stern looking.

[Siava]

Aww man. Moms can stick it right when you're feeling your best, can't they? :(

Your mom isn't used to seeing you like this if you've been styling your hair a certain way for so long. She'll get over it, especially when you tell her YOU think it looks great. Keep your chin up.

[curlylocks85]

The next time she says something like that to you just reply with, "Why yes, I am, my patients' love it this way." Smile proudly and then change the topic.

[aenflex]

I think that no one in your office is gonna tell you that you look unprofessional. Hee hee not if they like their jobs :)
Seriously though, I've had lots and lots and lots of work done on my mouth the last few years, and I've never once paid attention to my own dentists' hair, or any of the endodontists, assistants, etc. I'm more interested in personality and ability....if that helps at all.

[Dani]

I'm sorry her comment made you feel awful. :( I don't understand how moms can be like this. I pretty much haven't had a mom for a long time (addict, etc, etc), and really, everything I've been through in my life has made me appreciate and value my husband and daughter more than I might have otherwise, and I can't imagine ever saying rude or judgemental things of any sort to my daughter. I just want her to be herself and I don't care what that is at all, I just want her to be happy. I will always say positive things to her and encourage her in anything she wants to be and do. But I always treat anyone the way I would like them to treat me, no matter what the situation is.

I can't imagine what it's like to have a mom that is your best friend and that you can talk to about anything.. you are so lucky. :) If I were you, I would like to think that I'd talk to my mom about what she said and how it hurt me. Talking about how we feel and getting things out and communicating with our loved ones is the most important thing in the world. ;) :p Take it easy on yourself, and know that you are a beautiful and wonderful person, no matter what anyone says.

[mrs_coffee]

Weird. My kids' pediatrician had waist-length blond hair and I never once thought it was unprofessional. She usually wore it in a braid down her back. The only thought I ever had about it was that it was beautiful.

[inty]

Ohh.... Hugs! This can be so down-putting.
Since you mentioned you love your mom and have good relationship with her, maybe telling her about how you feel would help to let your mum learn to give her opinion without hurting your feelings. She still has right to her own opinion, though, whatever that is.

Btw your hair sounds lovely. I can picture yours and your daughter's curly hair :)

[spitfire511]

Just more hugs to you - and ditto on all the things that everyone else said. It sounds like you have lovely hair and you should be proud of it. :-)

[skaempfer]

Dyefree, I think Trillcat's nailed it. It's that double edged mother-love thing of "I want my daughter to be happy and this hairdo will be her ruination! So I'd better tell her."

She doesn't see that 1) There's nothing wrong with your hair and 2) You are capable of figuring out for yourself what's ok and what's not. She needs to feel like you still need her to tell you what to do, that's all.
:flowers:

[danacc]

What is considered "professional" changes over time. Perhaps it is a generational difference?

What you describe certainly fits the current US definition of a "professional" look. This wouldn't have been true a few decades ago, though, just because the expected style overall was different.

Your hair sounds lovely, by the way!

[pepperminttea]

From your description it sounds both professional and a little bit funky, which would probably put patients minds are ease more than if it was tightly scraped back and stern looking.

This - and I would much rather a dentist relax me, seeing as I'm usually already nervous on seeing one! :p

I had to say, your motivation for keeping your curls natural is wonderful - good for you! :)

[SpinDance]

Your 'do' sounds lovely. I wish I had curls to let do their thing like that! The old-school definition of professional is long gone, which I for one think is a great thing. It is more and more about what you can _do_ and less about what terribly uncomfortable clothing/shoes you are wearing. Not that clothing doesn't matter at all, but the standard of acceptable has changed. Your hairstyle sounds lovely and practical as well as professional.

My eye doctor has the most amazing head of red curls. In fact we have a member here on LHC whose siggy picture always makes me do a double take thinking it's her! She usually wears her APL and BSL length hair down, worn loose or with the front pulled back. Some times she will pull it back into a tail. She is always dressed neatly and is very professional, yet friendly, in her manner.

I think it is crazy to think the only thing that is so-called professional is tied back or fried! I see too many heads of bleached and fried hair on otherwise professional women. I keep wanting to tell them about LHC, oils and Panacea, but, well, I try to be professional so keep my mouth shut!

If you want a vote, just post a picture and a poll! :) Maybe your mom would be interested in a larger sample size.

[angelslocs]

Hi, my name is Angel.

:)I found this video for you and your daughter to enjoy and hope your daughter did not hear your mom's comments about your hair BUT if she did (your sweet dear hear of a daughter), she can rest assure mommy's hair like her's is a blessing.

watch on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enpFde5rgmw

[spidermom]

She's just not up with the new trends. Pity her.

[GRU]

My eye doctor has the most amazing head of red curls. In fact we have a member here on LHC whose siggy picture always makes me do a double take thinking it's her!

Okay, a bit of a threadjack here... am I the "eye doctor twin" by any chance? :lol:



To the OP -- as someone who can relate quite well to your curl situation, and as someone who is stuck right between your mom and you age-wise, I think your mother is stuck with the generational thing, as others have said.

Doctors, dentists, bankers, and lawyers "back in the day" were almost exclusively male, and the few women who were in the business had to try to look as male as possible to be taken seriously. Slicked-back buns or short haircuts, tailored suits in drab colors... women who wanted to be successful in "a man's world" had to look as non-female as possible.

Fortunately, things have changed in most careers. Women can have boobs again, and we can wear colored clothing, and we can wear pants or short skirts or long skirts, and we can wear jewelry and makeup .... or we can choose to be Plain Janes (like me) and go makeup-free and hairspray-free and wear jeans and sneakers. (granted, I work in a back office, so I don't have to fit in with the suit-and-tie type dress code)

Your hairstyle sounds absolutely adorable -- it's feminine, yes, but it's also professional in that your hair is clean, it is not matted/tangled, and it's not hanging down into your patient's mouth, dragging along the instrument tray, tickling the patient's arm/neck/face, etc.

IMO, your 'do looks more professional than just twisting it back and slapping a claw-clip on it (not that there's anything wrong with that look either - just using it for a comparison here). The claw-clip style might provide the "smooth and contained" professional look that your mom is thinking of, but (at least for those of us in the know about long hair) it also is something that can be accomplished in about four seconds. Your look, however, shows that you had the patience and invested the time to actually "do" your hair that morning. And quite honestly, as a full-time working mom myself, I have to give you props for it -- any mom (working or stay-at-home) of a toddler who manages anything more than a ponytail or a claw-clip twist deserves a round of applause in my book! http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/ImaHockeyMom/boards/emoticons/14mdzm.gif


http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b23/ImaHockeyMom/boards/emoticons/str-asp-nApplause_Meter_Software_Au.jpg

[GoddesJourney]

Sounds like a cute hairstyle to me, and well put-together. There's no problem. That is a professional look in our society as long as it looks put-together. As mentioned, moms tend to be the most critical about appearance and they are often very old-fashioned about it. Straight hair is not the best hair. Everyone just wants what they don't have. People with straight hair spend hours with the curling iron to make hairstyles like you just mentioned and it looks professional. People with curly hair straighten theirs. I don't understand the whole "grass is greener" thing.

[2peasinapod]

I know what that like. I got similar comments from my family when I was growing out my waves. I agree with the other posters, and I'm sure you're hair is lovely. :)

[kabelaced]

As long as you keep your natural hair neat (i.e. out of the way of your work), there shouldn't be any concerns. You're allowed to have your own unique hairtype! :p

Let those remarks roll off your shoulders, even though it's hard to do. People often say things without actually meaning what they say. Worst case scenario, it's not her job to tell you how to do your job, and she can give advice as often as she wants...just like you'll listen as often as you want! ;)

[charalito]

I agree, your mom might be referring to old helmet head stereotypes.

In my opinion, a more natural looking health professional is more trustworthy. I'd rather go to someone who's attuned with the ways things are by nature than someone who looks plastic and will put me on thousands on chemicals and fake looking treatments. You look wholesome when you go natural and that's a good thing :)

Try not to measure yourself by old standards. You are beautiful as you are!

[ddiana1979]

I think your hair sounds very pretty. A lot of people are afraid to go to the dentist. I'm not, but for what it's worth, I'd still much rather go to a dentist who looked professional, but fun & kind, rather than one who had her bun so tight it looked like she had a facelift. ;)

The last person who did my dental cleaning was an Indian dental student who had gorgeous waist length black hair loosely braided down her back. I told her that her hair was beautiful. She was very personable & put me quite at ease.

[Spike]

Well, as long as it's not dangling in my mouth or on my person, I really don't care how my (insert professional) wears his/her hair.

An updo with some loose bits sounds lovely. I'd probably be asking you how you did that once the gloves came off and I could talk again. :cheese:

[curlymarcia]

Natural curls are as professional as any other hair type (how do you do your job is more important). Maybe your mom doesn't like it, and there is nothing wrong is simply hers opinion. But natural is healthier, and if you like it you should keep embracing your curls. I am sure your hair is lovely :)

[Roseate]

One of the first times I wore my hair to work wurly, a co-worker came up to me and said "Oh, is it 'Casual Friday' already?". It was Wednesday. Other than the hair, I was dressed just like always, and I thought my hair was looking great!

I think people aren't used to change, and also, when you've just started wearing your hair differently you can sort of project a little insecurity about it, or something like that. I never get anything but positive comments on my wurls now, but right when I was just switching over from usually blowdried to usually wurly, I got some guff about it. Keep your chin up!

[Mairéad]

I wouldn't consider wearing my hair in any other way that it's natural pattern. If being natural is unprofessional, we as a society have a problem. I tend to wear my hair back in professional settings, but never would I feel it necessary to alter its texture for 'professional-ness.'

I agree with everyone else, your hair sounded entirely professional to me.

[abritta3]

Your hair sounds so pretty! :) I bet it is just a change for her...so give it time and afterall, it is your hair.

Sending hugs your way.

[Dyefree]

What lovely comments! Thank you all so much. They have really helped me put things into perspective. :)
I kind of forgot about her comments at work and felt a little better about myself after a good long chat with my dh ( who I work with :D )

I feel much more... natural and liberated with my normal hair.... honestly I don't have time to heat style for hours anymore- and quite frankly- I don't want to!

Thank you all for your wonderful comments. What an inspiring site. :cheese:

[BrightEyes7]

I love my mom but she tends to say things like that all the time. My one co-worker does too. It bothers me sometimes but then my DBF reminded me... they are a totally different generation and don't know what current styles are. A little messy is the LOOK now. Not sculpted into place with tons of teasing, hairspray, and other not hair friendly things.

Do what you like, not your mom.

[SpinDance]

Okay, a bit of a threadjack here... am I the "eye doctor twin" by any chance? :lol:
Yup, you sure are! :cheese: (First use of Cheese, seemed appropriate)

[yotaka]

Funniest thing I've heard today. I was told that it might look unprofessional if I dyed my hair blue... But MAKES sense. Having natural looking hair be unprofessional, that DOESN'T makes sense.... XD

[GRU]

Yup, you sure are! :cheese: (First use of Cheese, seemed appropriate)

Wow, a hair twin moment AND inaugural use of Dancing Cheese Dude... I'm feeling inspirational today! ;)

[Shany]

Here, in dental clinics, professionals who have long hair need to tie it back, out of the way, anyway. I see lots of health professionals with naturally wavy or curly hair and it doen't look unprofessional. Don't worry :)

[CrisDee]

My eye doctor has the most amazing head of red curls. In fact we have a member here on LHC whose siggy picture always makes me do a double take thinking it's her!


Okay, a bit of a threadjack here... am I the "eye doctor twin" by any chance?

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!!! :cheese:

All cheese aside - yes, parents (especially moms!) say the darndest things. My translator usually reads "you do not meet my expectations." Try not to take it in and let it bother you, she probably is as frustrated by curls as you used to be. Just look at her like she just said that aliens just landed in your nation's capitol, and laugh. Should bring the expectation comments to a halt in a short period of time. :)

[jaine]

I'm one of those people wearing the "slicked-back updo" mentioned earlier in the thread ...because I was tired of getting hair comments at work and I wanted people to focus on my database skills instead of focusing on my hair. On the plus side I haven't gotten any hair comments at work since I started wearing it slicked back and tightly up every day. On the down side, I know I'm not helping to broaden their minds and fix the stereotype. Sorry...