Bad long hair on others..

[VikingJarl]

Do you ever get mad when you see long hair that would be great if it had been cared for, but is a total mess?

DW and I went to Glastonbury (hippie and pagan central in England) yesterday. I saw this girl with tailbone length blonde hair, lovely... if only it had seen a comb! Probably not in a year or so, it was matted, tangled, split and messy. Some parts had even made themselves into dreadlocks. I had to leave the shop to stop myself from staring in horror!

Am so glad I'm looking after mine...

[spidermom]

Sometimes you just have to look away. I remember once seeing a woman wearing what I thought was a white shawl with an open weave over her shoulders but when I got closer I saw that it was her hair, which had been bleached to smithereens. The longest strands reached about waist length, but some of it had broken off to around shoulder length and shorter. She must have liked it long and white to keep it that way, so who am I to blow against the wind.

Compelling sig pic you have there(student of Asatru here).

[VikingJarl]

Oh, that's cool. If you want to talk Åsatru, PM me. I have been a follower for many years;-)

[Carolyn]

Get mad? No. It's not my hair so it's none of my concern :shrug: I often see hair of all lengths that makes me wonder what were they thinking and wonder if they ever look in the mirror :rolleyes: I can only be concerned about my hair.

[Gladtobemom]

Not mad, just puzzled.

Especially at the heads of overbleached overprocessed straw. Usually not even any toner to give the hair some color.

What's the point. If you want to look awful, why not do it without being so spectacularly awful.

[FrannyG]

Not in the least do I have any reaction to people with poorly kept or treated hair. I have enough to worry about with my own hair. I'm just happy that my hair is the best it can be.

I do look at old photos of myself and remember how damaged my hair was at some of those times (even though it doesn't show up in the photos). I just look at it this way--I know better now, so I do better.

[VikingJarl]

I just thought it was sad. Could have looked beautiful

[squiggyflop]

i dont get very annoyed because i know that my hair looks like a frizzball most of the time.. it seems that each of my hairs has its own wavy patterns and they dont want to lay next to each other.. and when my hair doesnt look frizzy it looks greasy.. im still greasy all over from puberty..

and hey its their hair right?

[spidermom]

Thought I would add that somebody will like just about anything. I've seen pictures even on this site that made me go "eewwwwwwwwwwwww!", but here was someone displaying it proudly and other people saying "ooooh, that looks so pretty." And I'm thinking "you can't be serious!" But they are. I once contemplated bangs and posted 4 different pictures of different kinds of bangs I was considering, and every single picture got at least a few votes. One of them I wouldn't have chosen in a million years, but somebody did. So isn't it wonderful that there's such a variety of choice out there? Everybody can find something that suits them personally, and if they're happy with it, I'm happy for them.

[eresh]

No not really.
I wouldn't like it if someone would get mad because they dislike my hair...so I wouldn't react to hair I don't like personally.
That's the key I think, personal taste.
Sometimes I might think in myself, that's not the way I would do it, but to get mad, I feel that's overreacting just a tad ;).

[Carolyn]

There are quite a few LHC'ers who believe "I'm not here to decorate your world" and no one is here to decorate mine.

[FrannyG]

You rock, Carolyn! :applause

[Pegasus Marsters]

There are quite a few LHC'ers who believe "I'm not here to decorate your world" and no one is here to decorate mine.
Hear hear!

For what it's worth, I don't think the girl you saw would give a damn what you thought of her hair. After all, it's just that. Hers. For all you know it's just the way she likes it. Really, it's none of anyones business how anyone else treats thier hair.

[Phalaenopsis]

It saddens me a bit and most of the time I have to obligate myself not to keep staring at it.

[Saranne772]

I don't get mad as such with others. It just pains me.

But I do get mad at myself. The splits and the tapered length is my own fault! If I had taken care of my hair years ago my hair would be so much better!

[havana86]

"I'm not here to decorate your world"

No, and that's true.
But the rest of us have a right to have an opinion :run:


Honestly, I can't help making up my mind about someones appearance when I see them. And I expect others to do the same to me. We always react to the world around us. I guess its just human behavior! Now, telling it to their faces, or treating someone differently becouse we disagree about what is beautiful or not, that is a totally different thing! :o

[Anne~]

I just think of it as entertainment! Kind of like people watching while haveing a grilled cheese sandwich at Walgreens. ;)
Reminds me to always take care of my own.

[Pegasus Marsters]

Hey guys, you know how you all get upset when someone insults long hair and yell "HAY WE R NOT HERE 2 DECORATE UR WORLDZ?"

This is the same thing. Don't be hypocrites. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

[Leisha]

I just think of it as entertainment! Kind of like people watching while haveing a grilled cheese sandwich at Walgreens. ;)
Reminds me to always take care of my own.
Yeah I kind of see it the same way I think.


I don't think I've ever gotten upset by the sight of someone else's hair because it was frizzy, dry, split, ... :shrug:

If anything, I'd be intrigued :o
It's happened when for example I'm sitting behind someone on the bus and I kind of just erm, "inspect" it I suppose, sort of from a kind of scientific interest. Or something ;) cause I make sure my own hair doesn't look like that, so I don't often get a chance to see it. (eta: just to add: I would obviously do that in a subtle way :o I would be mortified if someone caught me staring at their hair, I wouldn't even want them to know I think their hair is not so nice, cause why should they care; or maybe even get upset by it, that is not what i would want)

It never bothers me anyway; the person in question probably just likes the look of his/her hair like that.

[Katurday]

I'd stare.
I'd stare because frankly, the person deserves it.
Basic hair care is practiced all over the world, and if that is not someone's style, they gotta be ready to deal with the consequences.
A haircut? Whatever. Hairdresser mistake, personal taste...Thats okay.
I wouldn't stare.
But outright matting, tangles and general ugliness?
I'd stare.

I saw a girl with classic length hair at a photography fair. It was the driest, frizziest, most damaged highlighted mess I have ever seen. Just because hair grows all by itself doesn't mean you should just leave it there or treat it poorly.

[Pegasus Marsters]

I'd stare.
I'd stare because frankly, the person deserves it.
Basic hair care is practiced all over the world, and if that is not someone's style, they gotta be ready to deal with the consequences.
A haircut? Whatever. Hairdresser mistake, personal taste...Thats okay.
I wouldn't stare.
But outright matting, tangles and general ugliness?
I'd stare.

I saw a girl with classic length hair at a photography fair. It was the driest, frizziest, most damaged highlighted mess I have ever seen. Just because hair grows all by itself doesn't mean you should just leave it there or treat it poorly.

Perhaps that's what YOU think, but maybe others do not have the time to take care of their hair. Guess what, it takes time to brush and braid in the morning. MAYBE the girl you saw liked her highlights. Maybe people like matting and tangles, heard of dreadlocks?

You like long hair? Awesome! Grow it long and healthy and natural as you like!

But others don't. They have hair that's perfect for THEM.

ETA: And did you ever think that maybe the girl in question has far more important things to take care of than her hair. Maybe she suffers with illnesses, or has siblings or kids to look after?

If you stare at people with "ugly" hair do you stare at people who're disfigured or disabled? Or do you just stare at everyone who's different to you?

:shrug:

[VikingJarl]

Katurday - Totally!

I guess "mad" was a bad choice of words. "sad" would have been better.

[Pegasus Marsters]

VikingJarl, many people do not like men to have long hair or facial hair. Would you change how you like to look because of their opinion?

Just think about it.

[getoffmyskittle]

Anger is an irrational reaction to seeing bad hair. If you truly find yourself getting "mad" about things like other people's hair (and it wasn't merely poor word choice), I would recommend that you seek some sort of therapy to help you manage your anger. :flower:

Also see this post (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/blog.php?b=5703).

ETA: oh dang, many more posts while I was trying to think of how best to put this!

ETA2: Okay, I see that it was poor word choice. In that case, disregard the first part of this message and see the "Also see..." :flower:

[Kirin]

Throwing in my two pennies worth here. Not sure if I need to get the Kevlar on, so I'll keep it handy.

There is something innately and inherently human, about noticing things around us that does not fit into our particular view of things. Many would like to say that they ignore such things and are better than noticing flaws, but all of us, no matter how well intentioned will look at something we feel is "off" in our minds, and examine it. Instantly, we will have feelings about it.

It is akin to perhaps seeing someone in a crowd where you are, wearing a shirt in your least favorite style/color. You will immediately have an impression, and a gut feeling about it that is almost beyond your control.

I find it particularly sad, that I will no longer post any of these gut reactions to things, even if I do not act on them, wondering if anyone shares these gut feelings and strange quirky desires when seeing someone elses hair. Usually most post to see if they are somehow weird, or abnormal for having these reactions and they are most certainly not.

The crime would be, and what should be the focus, is seeing hair that was found to be out of someone's norm, did they act on it? Insult a person to their face, verbally? If not, I simply do not find anything wrong with opinion.

[VikingJarl]

Hey, I'm not criticising as such. It's not like I hassled her about looking after her hair. I was just amazed at the state of it.

If she's happy with it, fine. But it's not for me. I used to know a guy with waist length hair who had what he called a "bird's nest" on top. He hadn't brushed, combed or washed it at all for over 7 years! Then one day, I saw him with perfectly clean straight hair. Must have taken him ages to get the bird's nest out..

I used a poor choice of word with "mad", so sorry if I offended anyones sensibilities.

[Pegasus Marsters]

Hey, I'm not criticising as such. It's not like I hassled her about looking after her hair. I was just amazed at the state of it.

If she's happy with it, fine. But it's not for me. I used to know a guy with waist length hair who had what he called a "bird's nest" on top. He hadn't brushed, combed or washed it at all for over 7 years! Then one day, I saw him with perfectly clean straight hair. Must have taken him ages to get the bird's nest out..

I used a poor choice of word with "mad", so sorry if I offended anyones sensibilities.

Exactly,it's not for you.But that does not make it ok to go and start insulting this girl behind her back. Perhaps rather than insulting other peoples hair you should take pride in your own?

[Lamb]

The crime would be, and what should be the focus, is seeing hair that was found to be out of someone's norm, did they act on it? Insult a person to their face, verbally? If not, I simply do not find anything wrong with opinion.

Nothing wrong with our own opinions, of course. However, I would urge everybody to be very careful how to phrase our opinions, even when we formulate them only for ourselves. Words like "hair sin", "hair crime", "I stare because the person deserves it" (hey, are you punishing her or what??), "fashion police" et cetera should be banned IMO. They imply that haircare/grooming are ethical issues, that it is a moral obligation to conform to societal convention about personal appearance, to accept and apply to ourselves the majority's idea of "good haircare." And, if we don't, we have to "deal with the consequences" - suffer the punitive measures inflicted upon us by the well groomed, upright citizens.
:uhh:

Think before you say something that suggests the above logic.

[Leisha]

VikingJarl, many people do not like men to have long hair or facial hair. Would you change how you like to look because of their opinion?

Just think about it.
I think VJ posted this topic here, on the long hair community (which I always thought was about healthy and/or long hair; ok the name says long but...), cause he figured there would be people who'd agree with him, or go "Yeah I know what you mean, hair can be so beautiful and sometimes it's a shame what people do to theirs!" (and I do think that sometimes - but like I said it doesn't make me mad or sad, I just figure they probably like their hair like that).

I don't think he meant to say that he thinks all people should conform to our hair beauty standards.

Personally, I think that voicing this kind of opinion ("I prefer healthy long hair"), especially here, is not wrong :shrug:

It wouldn't bother me in the least if someone would see my hair and go to a short/bleached hair forum and posted something like "Gaaah, I saw this girl today and she had long natural hair, I think it would have been much nicer if it was bleached white and cut in a pixie!" and several other people on the forum then agreed with the person, etc :)
Obviously they are gonna prefer that, otherwise they wouldn't be on that hypothetical forum ;)


I do agree that "mad" is too strong a word though, but I think (hope) the OP probably really didn't mean it as such.

(eta: ok I missed a bunch of posts while I was typing as well :lol: )

eta2: I also have to admit I think these kinds of threads aren't exactly useful, and I wouldn't miss them if they didn't appear anymore :lol:

[lynlora]

Katurday,maybe there could have been circumstances and/or a situation which you are unaware of.A big problem in todays world is that people sometimes get too judgmental and self-righteous :( If something bothers a person that much quit STARING and go about your business !!!

[Gemma]

Perhaps that's what YOU think, but maybe others do not have the time to take care of their hair. Guess what, it takes time to brush and braid in the morning. MAYBE the girl you saw liked her highlights. Maybe people like matting and tangles, heard of dreadlocks?

You like long hair? Awesome! Grow it long and healthy and natural as you like!

But others don't. They have hair that's perfect for THEM.

ETA: And did you ever think that maybe the girl in question has far more important things to take care of than her hair. Maybe she suffers with illnesses, or has siblings or kids to look after?

If you stare at people with "ugly" hair do you stare at people who're disfigured or disabled? Or do you just stare at everyone who's different to you?

:shrug:

Pegs, you totally rock my socks! <3 :flower:

People do different things with their bodies. Sometimes we will judge them for that and maybe even think uncharitable things. But isn't it a good thing if we don't act on those thoughts, or behave badly towards someone because they're different from us?

I really don't want to foster an attitude of, "if you're different, you deserve to be treated as such".

[Alun]

No. I'm sure I have bad hair days too. Actually, if I see ratty looking hair it makes mine seem nicer by comparison!

It reminds me of what my dad says about having to deal with dumb people, i.e. to be thankful that they are dumb or we wouldn't seem intelligent. In a similar way, other people's bad hair makes ours look good!

Perhaos I should start encouraging other people to bleach their hair and follow other bad advice, LOL! Then my hair would look better than theirs. Actually, I think there are a few people who actually do that, sadly.

[Ursula]

A few thoughts on this.

First, everyone has their bad hair days - I try not to jump to conclusions based on a casual glance.

Second, different people like different things. If they are deliberately choosing whatever makes them happy, that's their business.

Third, a lot of people have never learned about various hair care options beyond what the stylist in their salon is selling them. So they think their long hair has to be fried, or processed, or bleached. They aren't happy with the results, and when they look for solutions the advice they get is from a stylist recommending yet another processing treatment or expensive product. Eventually, sometimes they think they can't have nice long hair, and either give up on the "nice" (by their ideal of nice) or the "long."

That makes me sad, in the way that ignorance generally makes me sad.

A long-term LHCer who chooses to cut their hair short, or do a wild treatment or style, well, they know their options, and are making an informed choice. (E.g., Pegs.) A random person on the street, I just don't know if it is a thoughtful choice or something they are unhappy about but don't know how to fix.

I try not to stare, just because it is rude to stare. If the topic of hair comes up, I'll mention this place, or rattle off the recipe for a SMT, describe CWC washes, or give other, casual advice depending on the situation.

There have been enough new members here, who want or have long hair, but aren't happy with their hair and don't know alternatives before they find this place, that I tend to qualify the "it's their choice" depending on whether or not they know there is a choice.

[Tap Dancer]

Do you ever get mad when you see long hair that would be great if it had been cared for, but is a total mess?

Nope. Why get mad? :confused:

[Forever_Sophie]

Perhaps that's what YOU think, but maybe others do not have the time to take care of their hair. Guess what, it takes time to brush and braid in the morning. MAYBE the girl you saw liked her highlights. Maybe people like matting and tangles, heard of dreadlocks?

You like long hair? Awesome! Grow it long and healthy and natural as you like!

But others don't. They have hair that's perfect for THEM.

ETA: And did you ever think that maybe the girl in question has far more important things to take care of than her hair. Maybe she suffers with illnesses, or has siblings or kids to look after?

If you stare at people with "ugly" hair do you stare at people who're disfigured or disabled? Or do you just stare at everyone who's different to you?

:shrug:

Fantastic post!

I've read stuff here that I know wouldn't go over well w/ a lot of ppl I know, like water only & the greasy hair that initially goes w/ it...But if it works for the ppl doing it, what's it to me?

[Tap Dancer]

I'd stare.
I'd stare because frankly, the person deserves it.
Basic hair care is practiced all over the world, and if that is not someone's style, they gotta be ready to deal with the consequences.
A haircut? Whatever. Hairdresser mistake, personal taste...Thats okay.
I wouldn't stare.
But outright matting, tangles and general ugliness?
I'd stare.

I saw a girl with classic length hair at a photography fair. It was the driest, frizziest, most damaged highlighted mess I have ever seen. Just because hair grows all by itself doesn't mean you should just leave it there or treat it poorly.

That's harsh. What if people stared at you because they didn't like your clothes or a physical feature? How would you feel if you were being stared down?

[Schnee]

I do look at other peoples hair, and other stuff. The two last they I've seen a woman twice with a rather, in my opinion, yucky hair style. Looks like a matted, tangeled braided helmet on her head. Apparantly she likes it that way, but I have to wonder if it isn't uncomfortable to sleep on that lump on the head. Not to mention how it's kept clean... :cheese:

I don't get mad, or upset or in any other way emotional, over what others do to their hair, it is, after all, just hair. ;)

[eadwine]

I think it is sad, but otherwise don't think about it at all. *shrug* It is their hair to do with as they wish.

For all they know they think they have great looking hair :)

It's just hair, leave people be.

[hurricane_gia]

No. I'm sure I have bad hair days too. Actually, if I see ratty looking hair it makes mine seem nicer by comparison!

It reminds me of what my dad says about having to deal with dumb people, i.e. to be thankful that they are dumb or we wouldn't seem intelligent. In a similar way, other people's bad hair makes ours look good!

Perhaps I should start encouraging other people to bleach their hair and follow other bad advice, LOL! Then my hair would look better than theirs. Actually, I think there are a few people who actually do that, sadly.

Alun, you made me laugh! I feel that way a lot.

It's funny . . . sometimes when I see someone with damaged hair, I have the urge to HELP THEM! Just as if I saw a friend with a bad sunburn, I would want to run over to them and give them some Aloe Vera; when I see someone who has damaged hair, I want to run over to them and give them a bottle of conditioner (and a big hug, and a card with the LHC website written on it).

But there are times, when I see someone with hair that looks *nicer* than mine, and I pout. I'm the one who does SMT, CWC, and updos all the time, therefore I should have the prettiest hair in the room! If there is someone towards whom I feel competitive, and I see that person has damaged hair, I feel so . . . superior. It's so mean of me, but that's how it is.

When I first met my husband's ex-wife, she had thick, silky, tailbone length chocolate brown hair. Then, two years later, I saw her again and she had it chopped to chin, but her natural wave pattern made her hair stick out strangely, and she'd dyed it a very unflattering shade of orange, and it was dry and frizzy.

I. Was. Thrilled.

I'm just an evil, jealous, mean-spirited little . . .

(But there was a little part of me, the good part, that wanted to send her the link to the Henna for Hair site. Unfortunately, that part of me was out-voted.)

[Flaxen]

From The Guidelines (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=4005):

Our foundation is friendship and support.

We are a forum for encouragement and advice on how to grow and care for long hair. We are not here to tear down other people's hair. Like similar threads before it, this one is closed. :flower: