Extreme fear of trims...

[Ruce]

Hi there.

I haven't had my hair cut since June, and my ends are getting a little dry and damaged, so I decided to get a trim. It's not happening until tomorrow night, but I'm terrified already.

My hair is just below shoulder length (avatar picture is outdated), but it flicks at the ends sometimes so you can barely tell it goes any further than my shoulders. The last time I went to a hairdresser, she cut off WAY too much, I was quite literally crying for the rest of the night, and didn't want to show my face, even to my family. It's left me with a giant phobia of anybody even commenting on my hair, never mind coming near it with scissors.

Instead of going to a salon, I've asked my mum if she could get her friend, who used to cut mine and my sister's hair when we were younger, to do it instead. She hasn't done my hair for years though, and it was short back then. I don't know whether I can trust her or not. I'm going to tell her specifically to cut a centimetre to a half inch, but I really don't know if she's going to do that or not. I can show her how much that amount of length is, but I'm sure most of us have had experiences of hairdressers getting their measurements extremely wrong.

To most of you, a trim is hardly any hair, but when it's the length I'm at, it's very easily pushing me back into the awkward stage between chin and shoulder. It might seem like I'm over exaggerating a little, but I seriously don't know what's going to happen.

Is there anything at all I'd be able to do to make absolute sure she does what I want? I'm one of those people that hates to nag others, and always wants to let them do what they want. I'd feel scared to tell her she's cutting too much (although it's not exactly fixable by that point). I'll be glad to get rid of the damage (some of which I've been putting up with since June), but I just don't know whether to trust her or not. Is there anything at all I can do? :(

[surfguy87]

draw it? spend a few hours if you must just drawing out ho you want.

[Madora]

Whatever you do, SHOW HER, by means of a ruler or tape measure, EXACTLY HOW MUCH hair you want her to trim off. Be pleasant but firm.

It is a good idea to keep your ends trimmed for it helps prevent any spit ends from splitting further up the hair shaft.

Depending on your hair growth, you can trim every 3 to 4 months...or wait even more if you wish.

Good luck!

[susiemw]

I'd say the big thing is to speak up and be very clear about what you want and what you are concerned about. Be VERY clear.

Is your hair long enough that you could try to trim it yourself. I know there are directions on this site for self trimming... i'm just not sure how long your hair would need to be to actually do that.

good luck.

I can relate to your fear. It's very reasonable and I have it myself. :)

Susan

[jel]

Are you sure that your ends are getting damaged? You could try clarifying your hair, then follow with moisture to re-hydrate the ends. Apply some oil (or silicone serum, if you do use cones) to seal the moisture in, and voila! Soft ends!

If you see some split ends, you can snip them off individually (or ask your mother if you can't reach).

Many (some?) people here do not trim that often, if at all. Check out the No Trimming Club link in my siggy for more info!

[Dolly]

Are you sure that your ends are getting damaged? You could try clarifying your hair, then follow with moisture to re-hydrate the ends. Apply some oil (or silicone serum, if you do use cones) to seal the moisture in, and voila! Soft ends!

If you see some split ends, you can snip them off individually (or ask your mother if you can't reach).

Many (some?) people here do not trim that often, if at all. Check out the No Trimming Club link in my siggy for more info!


I second that.....I think I would try to clarify first, and if a good clarifying wash followed by some moisture doesn't make your hair feel better, THEN have a trim.....

[Ruce]

If I bring a tape measure with me, perhaps that will work? =P I can just imagine her holding it against my hair every time she snips...

I could probably trim most of it myself, but the back would be a little awkward, since I can't really see it. The angles might end up a little odd, too.

I'm fairly sure my ends are damaged, part of it at the front has been dry and crunchy since June. Some of it is actually okay, but it's a bit hard to only trim part of your hair without it looking weird afterwards. What exactly does clarifying mean? I know it has something to do with shampoo and fully removing buildup, but I'm not exactly sure what the process is. Besides, it's a bit late to put off the trim now... both my parents would get frustrated about that. They're not particularly keen on my hair. They're the kind of people that want me to fry it every day to keep it looking 'neat'.

[mali]

If I were you,I would've cut that hairdresser in her sleep! You're too good! Show hear EXACTLY ti'll where you want your hair cut.I personally went to the hairdresser 3 times in my life and each time to get my hair CUT,not trimmed,so I haven't experienced that.My mom usually cuts my hair,or I do it.Either way it's for the best if you do it yourself.You know,what they say : ''If you want to make the best,make it yourself.''Or something like that.I forgot:laugh:.

GOOD LUCK!

[Roseate]

If I bring a tape measure with me, perhaps that will work?

Yes, bring a ruler. Most people have no idea what an inch looks like.

I'm in a profession that involves precise measurement, and people will say "I want something 6 by 6 inches"... and be holding their hands a foot apart.

So bring a measure, show her a half inch, have her make the first snip and have her show you how much she cut, then adjust if needed. Enjoy your fresh ends!

[JulietCapulet]

There is no way to be absolutely sure. If I were you I would just not trim it. Honestly I think people trim way more than they need too!

[Ruce]

I think it's for the best, to be honest. Hardly any of my hair is damaged, and the parts which are, are completely rebellious and never like falling into any particular shape. Even though the loss of length will depress me, no doubt, you just have to think positive... e.g. the ends were ready to retire, I suppose?

[feralnature]

I would prbably not have it trimmed at all. My siggy pic is out of date, it is from last spring but my hair is to my waist now if I stretch it out. I have not had it cut since November 2007 so it's been 3 years since even a trim (see avatar). If you keep trimming it, it won't get long as fast.

My hair has not seen scissors for a very long time. Just hang in there!

[TinaDenali]

I agree with the no trimmers. I haven't had my hair professionally cut in well over two years and I've only trimmed it to shape it in that time. I think that if you can continue growing to the point where it's long enough to trim it yourself (BSL, likely) you'll be much happier and will make it to your goal much sooner. Just oil, condition, and baby your ends and they will be fine. Mine ends were HORRIBLE when I started growing out my hair and quite a bit of the bleached out hair I started with is still on head as my current ends and they don't look too terrible. I believe in babying hair :D

Good luck with whatever you do.

ETA: And I think if you had an extreme fear of trims you wouldn't be getting one ;)

[spidermom]

Some stylists have inches and/or centimeters marked on their combs, so they always have a handy reference. Be sure to use the words "from the very bottom of my length" so she doesn't think you want layers or something. Ask her to show you the first cut so you can be sure you're communicating.

You could take a friend or family member with you.

And remember, pay attention to what the stylist is doing at all times. Don't let your mind wander away. I've heard too many stories about how somebody just zoned out and all of a sudden discovered they had a new, short, layered hair cut. If the stylist is doing a trim, she should be combing your hair straight down. If she pulls it out at an angle, that means layers.

[sherigayle]

You can always have a dusting done of the ends. It won't cost you much length and should make your hair feel better.

[LaurelSpring]

I also have a trim phobia. When I trimmed they always took too much and I didnt get anywhere in length. I only gained length when I went on a no trim year. I started self trimming and now I am on a no trim kick again. I may take a tiny tiny bit off at the end of december and then go another year. I agree with what the others have said about letting it get long enough to nip the ends yourself and then maintain it. I like having control of my hair.

[kitten1986]

Honestly this probably sounds a bit condescending but now when I get a trim, I show the HD with my fingers how much I want off and then I get them to show me back on their fingers then on my hair before they cut. That way it is REALLY clear what I want, I also took my mum along to watch the HD Like a hawk hahahaha

I know how you feel about getting your hair cut, I had a horrible cut before I joined LHC, I literally went in for a trim on my shoulder length hair (because I was trying to grow it out) and the HD said "Ill so something a little bit funky for you" I really should have interjected then, but before I knew it she had SHAVED up the back of my head so I had a graduated bob that was 1/2 inch at the back and just about shoulder at the front. Before you ask, she had the shaver hooked onto the back of the chair so I actually didnt know she was going to do it before it happened because I couldnt see what she was doing. I was so upset that I stood up, paid and walked out. Then I sat in the nearest bathroom and cried for about 2 hours and I didnt want to come out, when I finally did come out I literally ran to the car. I was really angry that I paid for it, but honestly I was in so much shock I didnt know what to do. I should have gone back and demanded a refund but I just didnt ever want to set foot in that place again. So ever since then I have had an extreme fear of HD and trims and cuts.

Over the year it has grown out to APL and I was evening up the front section myself until the back caught up, but I also have alot of damage in my hair, so I desperately needed a trim. So I definitely think you should go for it, but use someone you trust and show them EXACTLY what you want, tell them that they must warn you before they are going to do anything else and that they talk you through what is happening.

Good Luck with your trim :grouphug:

[Demetrue]

I also have a trim phobia. Make sure you don't say, "I just want you to trim off the damage," because some HD's take that to mean that they will cut at least an inch above any damage they see and you could end up with a super short boy cut (happened to me). It helps to bring in a picture. You could also show her exactly where on your body you want the ends to be. If you tell her, I want it down to here and show her on your neck or shoulder where you want it, that should help.

[UltraBella]

I respectfully disagree with some of the suggestions. I think you should keep this as simple as possible. No pictures, no drawings, no tape measures...... this is not a particular style you are looking for, it's just a trim. It's as basic as it gets Communicate to her that you are growing your hair out and you want to keep as much length as possible. Decide how much you want taken off and then ask the stylist to show you how much that is on her comb. If it seems like she has a realistic grasp on what you want, go for it.
I have had a couple bad haircuts in my life for new styles, but I have never had a bad trim. Ever. If I say half an inch, I get half an inch. I am firm but friendly about what I want and I always ask if they understand what I am wanting before I let them start.

[mellie89]

My hair is long enough to self-trim now, but when it was shorter, I would go to cheaper places when all I want is a tiny trim.

No matter how firm I was with stylists at nicer salons, they would always get a little creative with my layers, and a half-inch usually turned into at least an inch, if not two. When I went to a cheap-o place, I'd tell them to take a half-inch off the bottom, and that's exactly what I would get.

Just my experience, so please take it with a grain of salt. I understand your frustration, really. It'll get so much easier once you're around APL and can begin trimming it yourself.

[Barniie]

I thought of maybe colouring in the bits you need trimmed off with highlighter? Because they are being cut anyway, it wont matter. Say you expect her to cut off the coloured bits AND NO MORE or she will not be talked to again. Just a thought :)

[Roscata]

Clarifying (often) means you wash you hair with clarifying shampoo. It will say on the bottle that it does that. Most of the shampoos I've seen which clarify look clear themselves.
I did a google search and came us with this: natural clarifying shampoos (http://www.google.com/products?q=natural+%22clarifying%22+shampoo&hl=en&aq=f) and regular clarifying shampoos (http://www.google.com/products?q=%22clarifying%22+shampoo&hl=en&aq=f)
Hope that helps! :)

[surfguy87]

I respectfully disagree with some of the suggestions. I think you should keep this as simple as possible. No pictures, no drawings, no tape measures...... this is not a particular style you are looking for, it's just a trim. It's as basic as it gets Communicate to her that you are growing your hair out and you want to keep as much length as possible. Decide how much you want taken off and then ask the stylist to show you how much that is on her comb. If it seems like she has a realistic grasp on what you want, go for it.
I have had a couple bad haircuts in my life for new styles, but I have never had a bad trim. Ever. If I say half an inch, I get half an inch. I am firm but friendly about what I want and I always ask if they understand what I am wanting before I let them start.

Some good points:
- If you feel she hasn't got a realistic grasp pull-out.
- Be firm (the stylist needs you to be confident in order to focus on the cut)
- Checking the stylist understands the amount to cut of is important. i.e. the comb idea.

[cindy58]

Hi, I just looked at your profile and you say there that your school prohibits long hair for males? If that's true, it sounds as if you are fighting a battle you can't win by stressing over the trims.

[Ruce]

Well, the moment of truth finally arrived, and it wasn't actually that bad! The woman knew exactly what she was doing, I barely had to ask her anything. I was about to ask her to show me how much she cut on the first snip, but before I had chance to, she showed me anyway.

My hair feels so much softer and it doesn't look too different. Of course, it's noticeable, but it's not drastic like it has been in the past. I know who to go to next time I want a trim!

@cindy58: That's true, but I've recently found out that it's allowed if I wear it up, so a simple ponytail doesn't go against the rules. So it's not completely hopeless.

[Dragon]

Well, the moment of truth finally arrived, and it wasn't actually that bad! The woman knew exactly what she was doing, I barely had to ask her anything. I was about to ask her to show me how much she cut on the first snip, but before I had chance to, she showed me anyway.

My hair feels so much softer and it doesn't look too different. Of course, it's noticeable, but it's not drastic like it has been in the past. I know who to go to next time I want a trim!

@cindy58: That's true, but I've recently found out that it's allowed if I wear it up, so a simple ponytail doesn't go against the rules. So it's not completely hopeless.


I am glad it went well :)

[cindy58]

Glad to hear that the trim went well!

And that you've found a way to have what you want as well as keep the school happy!

[Demetrue]

Great news!

[Jenw777]

Awesomeness. I hyperventilate at the thought of trimming.