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rawbabymama
November 3rd, 2010, 03:47 PM
Hello everyone!

I lurk quite a bit and always tell people to come here, but I don't write much. I'm a little irritated with myself for coming here to rant today, but I feel really attacked by this elderly man who works at my son's after school care. The man is maybe in his 60s, and otherwise very nice, but, every time I see him, he says, "You should really cut your hair and donate it to Locks of Love," or some similar statement. The statements are varied enough that I feel it isn't dementia causing him to repeat himself. He is trying to convince me to do it. I told him I donate money to the cause, that my hair grows very slowly, etc, but he keeps on bothering me. I don't want to be mean to the dude, but I am feeling really angry about it. Add this to my best friend pressuring me to color my hair and my mother teasing me about how I am going to be "one of those old women with nasty long gray hair" (for the record, my mom's hair has been extremely short for 28 years and she forced me to have very short hair - because her father forced her to have very long hair- until I was 14, at which point I wouldn't allow her near me with scissors). I'm just tired over it. Why are all these people so freakin rude? Why should I donate something I worked hard for, waited almost two decades for, and is precious to me? I don't go around telling people to donate their cars or wedding rings or other items. Why is it seemingly socially acceptable to pressure people to cut off their hair? Why do people see them as selfish if they would rather donate money than their hair?

What should I say to this man to get him to stop, without being incredibly rude. I want to say, "I feel extremely angry and offended when you suggest I should cut off my hair because it is precious and important to me. Please do not ever mention it again." Not sure how he would take that.

Ok, rant over.


Best Wishes everyone!

Shelly

isbmlamloi
November 3rd, 2010, 03:59 PM
Ugh. I'm so sorry that your friends and family are adding to the pressure!

I think with talking to the guy you can skip the "extremely angry and offended" part at the beginning of the sentence, and try to just make it clear that your hair is important to you? "I'm sorry, but I really value having long hair and it's very important to me, and I'm not interested in donating. Please don't ask me about it again." Then if he mentions it again, you can say, "I specifically asked you to not bring this up again," and then start on the angry/offended. This way, you can always claim the high ground, you know?

rawbabymama
November 3rd, 2010, 04:03 PM
Thank you... I will do that next time he brings it up. And I will hide the evil dragon that threatens to jump out of my face when I see him & try to keep the higher ground ;)

enfys
November 3rd, 2010, 04:05 PM
Ugh. I'm so sorry that your friends and family are adding to the pressure!

I think with talking to the guy you can skip the "extremely angry and offended" part at the beginning of the sentence, and try to just make it clear that your hair is important to you? "I'm sorry, but I really value having long hair and it's very important to me, and I'm not interested in donating. Please don't ask me about it again." Then if he mentions it again, you can say, "I specifically asked you to not bring this up again," and then start on the angry/offended. This way, you can always claim the high ground, you know?

I have to agree. He doesn't care if he is upsetting or offending you so I think he needs a bit of a shock to realise what he is saying is not socially acceptable. It's a part of your body for goodness sake!

hairobsessed1
November 3rd, 2010, 04:05 PM
that is really rude. Well considering you have told him in a nice way to mind his own business maybe it's time to be a bit more blunt. Him telling you what you should or should not do with your body is not on. Maybe remind him that you wouldnt constantly hastle him to dontate organs or do things of that nature. Although i think it is important to give people some time and listen to their opinions, this is on the border of bullying. good luck and dont let anyone tell you what you should be doing with your body, do what makes you happy

mali
November 3rd, 2010, 04:05 PM
Why should I donate something I worked hard for, waited almost two decades for, and is precious to me? I don't go around telling people to donate their cars or wedding rings or other items.

Next time tell him that.NO! Tell him to donate his kids!:laugh:



M'kay!:eek:

gretchen_hair
November 3rd, 2010, 04:09 PM
grrrrrrrrrr, people are simply....clueless!

Straight forward and to the point, "I love my hair and I grow it for me, not for you or anyone else, my head is NOT a farm and I am rather tired of you worrying about what I do with my body. Please refrain from further persistence in this matter, it's begining to upset me"

People need to leave others alone in their choices, what a jerk!

LouLaLa
November 3rd, 2010, 04:09 PM
Im getting it alot now, last time it happened I just said "If I wanted Victoria Beckham or Cheryl Cole to have it, id just post them it". Lets face it, thats who gets the hair not the sick kids.

It used to bother me more but now I dont care, its their issue.

schweedie
November 3rd, 2010, 04:09 PM
What should I say to this man to get him to stop, without being incredibly rude. I want to say, "I feel extremely angry and offended when you suggest I should cut off my hair because it is precious and important to me. Please do not ever mention it again." Not sure how he would take that.
Well, I don't think that's completely out of line at all, but maybe you could replace 'angry and offended' with 'uncomfortable' or something similar, if you want to sound less confrontational? I do think he might be more inclined to stop if he realises that his comments actually really upset you and that your hair means a lot to you.

Dolly
November 3rd, 2010, 04:13 PM
My nephew has hair past his waist.....he has absolutely gorgeous, thick, silky hair. He always gets those same comments. He finally started telling people that he is not allowed to cut his hair for religious reasons. He said they seem to back off when he tells them that.

princessp
November 3rd, 2010, 04:22 PM
This is really rude. I would not mince words with this guy. Frankly, I would say exactly what you want to say to him: "I feel extremely angry and offended when you suggest I should cut off my hair because it is precious and important to me. Please do not ever mention it again." You are probably not the only person he does this to. I had an old guy at work who everyday used to say "smile, you look prettier". After months, I finally got so fed up with it I said "look, I have no interest in looking pretty. In addition, I am not here for your visual amusement." He never said another word to me after that--thank god! :laugh:

When old men are involved, I kind of feel like these events might have something to do with the old ideas that women are to be owned, led, and our only purpose for being here is of aesthetic value to men. Of course the aesthetic part only applies until we are 30 (or some such arbitrary age) then we are obligated to cut our hair and give our lives and bodies over to our children.

sibiryachka
November 3rd, 2010, 04:25 PM
...Another possibility would be to "play dumb":
''Omigosh! I looked into donating, and - I bet you had no idea! - they don't actually make donated hair into kids' wigs; they SELL it!! I'm so glad I found out before I GAVE THEM A PIECE OF MY BODY!"
Bet that'll shut him up ;)

CherrySilver
November 3rd, 2010, 04:26 PM
Thank you... I will do that next time he brings it up. And I will hide the evil dragon that threatens to jump out of my face when I see him & try to keep the higher ground ;)

This happens to me almost every time someone asks me if I've ever considered LOL. That happens a lot, as I live down in the area where they have their "beautiful" new h.q. Last time someone asked, unfortunately, DH was there to witness it. I went on a rant about why I'd never donate there. Most of the fools don't even know that the wigs go to kids with alopecia areata and not cancer, never mind anything else. So I gleefully educate them. I had one person who didn't even know what a.a. was!

I had the same thing happen with someone who kept bring up LOL -- it was the old guy at the local produce market. At first I was nice. After about the third or fourth time, he basically shut up and stopped asking.

*Smile*

arwenevenstar37
November 3rd, 2010, 04:28 PM
This is annoying!!! I would follow enfys' advice adn tell him to back off in a civil way but strong enough so that he understands you're not joking!!! i am very sorry to hear that your family is also giving you a hard time... In the end though they will have to understand that it is your choice adn that even though you value their opinions and advice the final choice lies with you...Good luck and I hope his gets better...

Kathie
November 3rd, 2010, 04:37 PM
Anything unique is often targeted, we call it tall poppy syndrome in NZ. With regards to women its often just envy...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tall_poppy_syndrome

The gist is- if you shine above others you get cut down :(

Your hair is yours and part of your body. Some people need to be told when they're being rude.

In2wishin
November 3rd, 2010, 04:58 PM
grrrrrrrrrr, people are simply....clueless!

Straight forward and to the point, "I love my hair and I grow it for me, not for you or anyone else, my head is NOT a farm and I am rather tired of you worrying about what I do with my body. Please refrain from further persistence in this matter, it's begining to upset me"

People need to leave others alone in their choices, what a jerk!

Love that quote. I'll have to remember it. :)

mrs_coffee
November 3rd, 2010, 05:24 PM
I would probably nod and say "Mmmhm, I'll think about that." That's how I used to respond when people offered me parenting advice I didn't want.

If they kept badgering me I'd tell them no flat out, but I usually try to diffuse the situation first. It's really annoying when people keep trying to shove unsolicited advice down your throat.

Jessica Trapp
November 3rd, 2010, 05:30 PM
First I would try to calmly and politely educate him on the issues about Locks of Love. If that didn't work I would get progressively more outspoken.

He has no business badgering you about what you do with your own body.

Good luck!

Bene
November 3rd, 2010, 05:40 PM
I think that with some people, when they hit a certain age, they decide that they can say whatever they want. They also hit a point where they stop keeping up with how socially acceptable behavior/comments change over time. What was okay to say to people 40 years ago isn't necessarily okay to say to people today. Either they don't know that or they simply don't care.

That leads up to this old guy. He's older, he's trying to make polite conversation (your hair being the starting point), he can say whatever he wants because he's older than you, and he thinks he's not doing anything wrong or rude. He's given (unsolicited) advice, you haven't seemed to listen it or he thinks you weren't paying attention. Isn't it obvious? Your hair is still long :p I've noticed that when people, especially older people, do the repetitive comment thing (if it's not dementia or age related senility), it has a lot to do with them thinking that you haven't really heard them or paid any attention. Or you've forgotten.

I tend to give light passes to children, the mentally disabled, and old people. Why? Because they just don't know any better and it makes no sense to get upset over it. BUT, what they do and say still doesn't make it right.


So, I think the best way to deal with this is to bring it up before he does. Start the conversation, don't give him the opportunity to think you haven't listened. "I've heard of Locks of Love. But I want to keep my hair long so I won't be cutting it off to donate to them." if he insists on trying to convince you to donate, firmly restate that you don't intend to cut your hair off. After that conversation, if he keeps bringing it up, you're well within your rights to be rude about it.

Arianwen
November 3rd, 2010, 05:44 PM
I've never been told I should/have to donate my hair to LoL...

I have answers for rude comments...LoL etc:

"Sure, when are you going to donate one of your kidneys?"

"Sure, when are you going to sell all your stuff and donate the money?"

"Wow, you're rude..."

FoxRain
November 3rd, 2010, 05:50 PM
I read that LoL often throws most hair away, so they'd actually prefer a check in most cases.
I'm really puzzled as to why donating your hair is better than giving money:confused: Sometimes I get the feeling people only donate because it's "trendy". Also it's probably mostly people who aren't donating anything themselves.
Silly people:rolleyes:

adiapalic
November 3rd, 2010, 06:07 PM
Recently I responded to someone with the LoL suggestion, "You should grow yours out and donate it." :) Next maybe I'll try out the kidney one... and if they remark how important that is for their health, then I'll suggest they donate their car. :laugh:

angelthadiva
November 3rd, 2010, 06:13 PM
I've had the LoL chat a few times. I think (some) people wrongfully assume that people grow to cut. I am not that person.

The first person who asked me if I grew to donate, I just reacted out of shock and dismay (purposefully) and shared how horrible and evil I thought LoL is and recommended a better non-profit that does the same, but for women who actually have cancer (Pantene Beautiful Lengths (http://www.pantene.com/en-US/beautiful-lengths-cause/Pages/default.aspx))

The next person, I was a bit more confident and shared about the LoL misconceptions.

The last more recently, I shared that I'm donating my entire body upon my death. Organs and everything...I figure where I'm going, I won't need it AND if I can improve someone else's standard of living who is still here; that is the most selfless thing I can do as a human. This is my opinion and I'd rather give the gift of life than vanity. I mean, yeah a wig will make someone feel better about themselves, but a organ will extend their life...In the big scheme of things which is more important?

If people really, really want to cut to donate that is their business, just like organ donation is mine...If the old dude is so set on cutting to donate then why doesn't he do it?! I'm being facetious, here ;)

If I were you; he'd have one more time to say a peep about me donating my hair. I would not bring it up, but if he did, I would report him! His behavior and conversation is inappropriate. If he is saying these things to you no telling what he is saying to other people...Just because you are a senior does not give you license to say whatever you want. I know many seniors who think they can.

Good luck with this!

spidermom
November 3rd, 2010, 06:19 PM
I've only gotten that suggestion one time, and I replied "I'm going to keep my hair." That was the end of it. I think that Pacific NWers are pretty good about keeping their noses out of of other people's business, which is a good thing in these situations, a bad thing when you're trying to find somebody to stand with you in reporting child abuse. No one wants to get involved.

I think you should just be blunt and tell your truth. Obviously these people aren't shielding your feelings, so why should you shield theirs?

invisiblebabe
November 3rd, 2010, 06:30 PM
Report him to his supervisor. When a person is at work, he isn't supposed to be soliciting business for other companies, nor is he supposed to be rude to clients.

LaurelSpring
November 3rd, 2010, 06:47 PM
I would probably nod and say "Mmmhm, I'll think about that." That's how I used to respond when people offered me parenting advice I didn't want.

If they kept badgering me I'd tell them no flat out, but I usually try to diffuse the situation first. It's really annoying when people keep trying to shove unsolicited advice down your throat.


This is the route I usually take. My standard response regarding any cutting of my hair is...maybe one day but not today. You could just shut him up with a hearty HELL NO!! I'm not cutting my hair!!

pepperminttea
November 3rd, 2010, 06:55 PM
I'm sorry you're getting such pressure from all sides, that really sucks. :grouphug:

I'm a wimp, so I'd probably lie and say I keep my hair for religious reasons, or if all else had failed, wear my hair in a faux bob (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1IvsCdd9Gw) around him. On the hope that you've got more guts than me, a very firm 'no' should (in theory...) work. Good luck.

Niwa
November 3rd, 2010, 07:01 PM
Recently I responded to someone with the LoL suggestion, "You should grow yours out and donate it." :) :laugh: This gave me a really big laugh. It is a brilliant response, and really quite appropriate. If they value donating hair so much, why not donate their own?

Next maybe I'll try out the kidney one... and if they remark how important that is for their health, then I'll suggest they donate their car. :laugh::laugh: Any response involving the nosey parker donating their own body parts or possessions is a great response. Such a response silences the person and maybe gives them food for thought.

WinterInBloom
November 3rd, 2010, 07:21 PM
If someone came up and told me "You should donate your hair to Locks of Love!". I think I'd come back with, "You should sell your house, car, and jewelry, and donate the proceeds along with the entire contents of your bank account to starving children in Africa! And while you're at it you should probably donate that spare kidney of yours and some bone marrow." :p

Carolyn
November 3rd, 2010, 07:21 PM
Why haven't you reported him to who ever is in charge of the after school program? They should be aware that he is being rude and inappropriate to you. You have told him no once and it wasn't enough to make him shut his mouth. The people who run the place should know that he is bothering you with his comments. I'd tell him one more time using some of the more strongly worded replies here and if he doesn't cease with the comments I'd be screaming about it to those in charge. Being in his 60s does not excuse such behavior.

Babyfine
November 3rd, 2010, 10:19 PM
I agree with the others- I would warn him one more time that your hair is off limits for discussion and if he brings it up again-you're reporting him to his supervisor.

Madora
November 3rd, 2010, 11:10 PM
If that fellow bugs you again with "donate your hair to Locks of Love", give him a print out of exactly WHAT happens to hair donated to them! That'll set him back a bit, if he bothers to read it!!

It bugs me that well intentioned people want to do the right thing and donate, thinking it is going to a good cause...when it is not. If you want to donate to a charity, give to american cancer society, or any other bona fide institution.

I have no use for institutions who mask the real reason why they want you to cut your hair!

As for your family making unkind remarks, ignore them. Be your own person. After all, it's your hair!

Malibu Barbie
November 3rd, 2010, 11:11 PM
I get asked this all the time, I simply tell them LOL doesn't accept color treated hair. Stops them cold.

McFearless
November 4th, 2010, 12:06 AM
Cut him off and say "Look i love my hair and im not going to donate it so just stop wasting your time trying to convince me".

Keep strong and don't let anyone make you feel bad about your beautiful hair!

evampr18
November 4th, 2010, 12:20 AM
Hello everyone!
"I feel extremely angry and offended when you suggest I should cut off my hair because it is precious and important to me. Please do not ever mention it again."


PERFECT! This is exactly what you should say.

lindaweb
November 4th, 2010, 12:45 AM
Hello everyone!

I lurk quite a bit and always tell people to come here, but I don't write much. I'm a little irritated with myself for coming here to rant today, but I feel really attacked by this elderly man who works at my son's after school care. The man is maybe in his 60s, and otherwise very nice, but, every time I see him, he says, "You should really cut your hair and donate it to Locks of Love," or some similar statement. The statements are varied enough that I feel it isn't dementia causing him to repeat himself. He is trying to convince me to do it. I told him I donate money to the cause, that my hair grows very slowly, etc, but he keeps on bothering me. I don't want to be mean to the dude, but I am feeling really angry about it. Add this to my best friend pressuring me to color my hair and my mother teasing me about how I am going to be "one of those old women with nasty long gray hair" (for the record, my mom's hair has been extremely short for 28 years and she forced me to have very short hair - because her father forced her to have very long hair- until I was 14, at which point I wouldn't allow her near me with scissors). I'm just tired over it. Why are all these people so freakin rude? Why should I donate something I worked hard for, waited almost two decades for, and is precious to me? I don't go around telling people to donate their cars or wedding rings or other items. Why is it seemingly socially acceptable to pressure people to cut off their hair? Why do people see them as selfish if they would rather donate money than their hair?

What should I say to this man to get him to stop, without being incredibly rude. I want to say, "I feel extremely angry and offended when you suggest I should cut off my hair because it is precious and important to me. Please do not ever mention it again." Not sure how he would take that.

Ok, rant over.


Best Wishes everyone!

Shelly
for goodness sake girl you are an adult you don't have to comply to others orders just tell him to butt out and you will keep your hair and he doesn't get a vote on the matter.

beez1717
November 4th, 2010, 01:00 AM
I explain that my hair is a part of who I am. I tell them that my long hair is a very personal thing for me and that cutting it off would be removing a part of myself. But.... some still don't understand that XD

Dreams_in_Pink
November 4th, 2010, 01:14 AM
If it was me, i'd just tell them "it's my hair and i'm not donating it". End of discussion :D

surfguy87
November 4th, 2010, 03:37 AM
Try taking the humorous approach!

Turn his comments into a running joke, that way he'll realise how boring and idiotic he sounds. Once you take the seriousness out of his words he'll soon give up the cause. Be quick witted and humorous. The fact he is 'older' is irrelevant, don't hold back! The older generation are more thick skinned than we think!

Example:

Old man: "It's about time you donate your hair to Locks of Love"
RESPONSE
Your beautiful self "If you want my hair that much just ask! I'm not sure my hair colour will suit you!" *wink wink*

- You may think it's harsh but most old people actually have a genuine sense of humour, it'll kick him up the arse and he'll learn from it. Have fun with him and make HIM seem like the joke, he'll realise you don't take him seriously and he'll soon start hesitating before commenting on your hair!

Sometimes it's not what we say, but the manner in which we say them

Astarte_1980
November 4th, 2010, 04:44 AM
I would say that my hair does not help people to recover from their disease.
It does not save lifes. Ask if he would like to donate a kidney. This saves lives.
Then he will look diffrente to your hair and shut up with his questions.
It is your hair.

HannahP
November 4th, 2010, 04:59 AM
How rude and intrusive of that man. Oh, and as for your mum - she sounds jealous. What's wrong with having long hair when one is older anyway?

A couple of years back, I had my hair cut short. The stylist put it into a ponytail and cut it off. I wanted to donate it to a wig charity, but the wretched stylist 'lost' it. I wonder if she sold it...?

Anyway, am now in process of growing hair again and will keep my locks to myself...

aenflex
November 4th, 2010, 11:16 AM
My hair hasn't been long enough to donate to anything for along time. So I don't get these comments and suggestions. And I am not trying to be inflammatory, but I don't understand why everyone becomes so upset about people suggesting or commenting on hair donation, to LoL or any of those organizations?
Yes, time has been spent cultivating and growing the hair you love, and you aren't going to chop it off. True enough and rightly so. But the underlying theme is that for one thing, people are noticing the lovely long hair. This is good, in my opinion. Two, most people without long hair are really obvlivious to the commitment and time and attachment that comes with it. So why not pardon them? Certainly you, me and everyone else has sounded unintentionally ignorant at some point.
Personally I would rather have someone say 'Wow, your hair is so long, have you ever thought of donating it'? versus something with an actual negative connotation.
Just my two cents. I really do wish my hair were long enough to garner some of that attention :)

ADD: Of course when it comes to intolerable rudeness, I would have a different opinion. Just saying in general why the fuss.

Avvoltoio
November 4th, 2010, 01:45 PM
Fortunately here in Hungary locks of love is unknow, i have only seen comments on other forums, and at youtube to donate hair, these are quite annoying.

I know a woman who always tell me to sell my hair to her, cause my hair would be perfect for her extension. But i always sadden her about telling i will never cut it :)

Eniratak
November 4th, 2010, 02:15 PM
One of my great aunts asks me to donate my hair to LoL all the time. My suggestion is to tell the older man that if he wants hair to be donated so badly he can grow out his own or find someone else to bother.

jeanniet
November 4th, 2010, 02:25 PM
You don't have to justify anything to anyone. Next time, just tell him politely, "I'm sorry, but it's none of your business." Then repeat the exact same words each and every time he brings it up until he stops. I don't know why people think they're entitled to comment on private matters, but you're certainly entitled to let him know he's not. :D

Sooze
November 4th, 2010, 02:47 PM
I'm with Jeanniet on this one. I spent years being polite to people and respecting their feelings even when they didn't respect mine.

I now no longer feel bound to honour that code, and if someone is rude to me, and won't take a polite hint, then I tell it straight. I'm not rude, just to the point. I'd be inclined to say "You say that to me every time you see me. For the record, I am not going to donate my hair to LOL however often you ask, so please don't waste my time or yours with future requests"

Carolyn
November 4th, 2010, 04:49 PM
My hair hasn't been long enough to donate to anything for along time. So I don't get these comments and suggestions. And I am not trying to be inflammatory, but I don't understand why everyone becomes so upset about people suggesting or commenting on hair donation, to LoL or any of those organizations?
Yes, time has been spent cultivating and growing the hair you love, and you aren't going to chop it off. True enough and rightly so. But the underlying theme is that for one thing, people are noticing the lovely long hair. This is good, in my opinion. Two, most people without long hair are really obvlivious to the commitment and time and attachment that comes with it. So why not pardon them? Certainly you, me and everyone else has sounded unintentionally ignorant at some point.
Personally I would rather have someone say 'Wow, your hair is so long, have you ever thought of donating it'? versus something with an actual negative connotation.
Just my two cents. I really do wish my hair were long enough to garner some of that attention :)

ADD: Of course when it comes to intolerable rudeness, I would have a different opinion. Just saying in general why the fuss.I'm glad it hasn't happened to you and I hope it never does. I would say wait until it does and see how you feel. Yes in a way the person IS saying you have beautiful hair. But they are also saying that your head is nothing but a hair farm and they are making assumptions about your charitableness. Believe me, it's not a nice feeling when it happens. I hope you escape it. Point taken that a great many people have no idea what it takes to grow and maintain a head of healthy long hair but their rude behavior is not to be excused. I would find it inexcusable if someone told me to donate my second car to charity.

Bene
November 4th, 2010, 05:44 PM
My hair hasn't been long enough to donate to anything for along time. So I don't get these comments and suggestions. And I am not trying to be inflammatory, but I don't understand why everyone becomes so upset about people suggesting or commenting on hair donation, to LoL or any of those organizations?
Yes, time has been spent cultivating and growing the hair you love, and you aren't going to chop it off. True enough and rightly so. But the underlying theme is that for one thing, people are noticing the lovely long hair. This is good, in my opinion. Two, most people without long hair are really obvlivious to the commitment and time and attachment that comes with it. So why not pardon them? Certainly you, me and everyone else has sounded unintentionally ignorant at some point.
Personally I would rather have someone say 'Wow, your hair is so long, have you ever thought of donating it'? versus something with an actual negative connotation.
Just my two cents. I really do wish my hair were long enough to garner some of that attention :)

ADD: Of course when it comes to intolerable rudeness, I would have a different opinion. Just saying in general why the fuss.



The problem is that the suggestion alone comes with a lot of extra stuff that isn't obvious to most people.


I think, it's how the people suggesting Locks of Love think, what they know, and how cranky they get when someone doesn't take their advice. They're obviously people who see hair as no more than an accessory or they see long hair as vanity, and they've heard about the organization and think it's a lovely idea. They can't imagine why anyone would want to keep their hair long if they can give it to some poor bald cancer kid. Remember, most people don't know the truth about Locks of love.

So when they suggest it, they see it as doing a good thing. They feel strongly that it's a selfless act that all people with long hair should do. Hair is only an accessory, remember? And it grows back, right? When a person refuses to agree to do it, there's a slight hostility vibe.


They're expecting "Oh wow, that's such a good cause, I'm going to run out and chop all this length off today!" Instead, because of their preconceptions about Locks of Love and about hair in general, they see a refusal as "No, I care more about my hair than I do about some poor bald cancer kid, so your suggestion is completely stupid and so are you." Their gut reaction is "Wow, this person is really inconsiderate and selfish", so while they may respond nicely, the tone changes. The long hair person becomes the selfish, vain, dismissive, person. Think about Marie Antoinette's flippant "Let them eat cake" remark (even though she never actually said it). The following conversation can then end up tinged with indignation and self-righteousness. I mean, they know that the hair becomes a wig that is then freely given to a sick or dying child. It's like, you'd actually deny anything (especially something so unimportant) to a sick child? It's only hair, it grows back, you don't need it. What kind of a monster are you?


Now if you're a long haired person, who knows the truth about it, and you don't want to donate your hair then there's the problem. You're put in the awkward situation where either you agree to chop your hair off or let this person think you're some sort of evil b**ch. It's your hair, you've spent years growing it. You know it's not necessarily going to bald cancer kids. You know that the organization will most likely sell it off for a profit. And then someone is standing there treating you like you're the most selfish person in the world and trying to guilt trip you about it.

Who doesn't get a little mad about another person making decisions for you. And who doesn't get a little mad when another person decides you're a selfish person just because you don't agree with them?


Also, even if you didn't know the truth about Locks of Love. Let's say you're just a person who wants to keep their hair long. Someone is actually standing there and trying to make you feel like you kicked a sackful of puppies down a well just because you're not running to get your hair chopped off. You're forced to accept that condemnation and disapproval, no matter how subtle it is. Even if that person doesn't mean it that way. No, I'm not going to give up something so unimportant to a dying cancer kid. Something that grows back. It's not a limb or an organ, so I must be really horrible to want to hang on to it.


So yeah, that's the fuss about it. It's about a person with one way of looking at things, trying to force another person to look at things the same way, without thinking that the other person already has a way of looking at things.

JamieLeigh
November 4th, 2010, 05:48 PM
It's no one else's business what we do with our bodies. Period. What you want for your own body trumps what he thinks you should do. He has no valid argument for that.

It sure seems to be "fashionable" lately to have a cause. I have had hair that is waist length or longer for at least 2/3 of my life (I'm thirty), and only in the last two years have I ever had anyone ask me if I have ever or will ever donate my hair. I partially blame social sites like Facebook, with their "cause" applications, because it only takes getting an invitation from someone to join one to make you feel inadequate.

It is a good thing to have a giving heart and to donate to worthy causes. It's wonderful to feel for your fellow human beings (and for animals, environment, etc) to want to help out any way you can. However, you're no less of a person if you don't find any of those causes to your liking. Even here in the information age, it's hard to prove a cause's validity; even fraudulent companies can have impressive websites complete with FAQ section and a paypal button. Sometimes it's just hard to know what is the right thing to do.

If you want to donate, donate. If you don't, then don't. It's hardly the end of the world either way, and it's certainly no one else's business what you do with your money or time.

ETA: My response to anyone asking if I'm donating to Locks of Love is "No, because Locks of Love is not a charity; it's a business." ;)

Babyfine
November 4th, 2010, 06:11 PM
I get asked this all the time, I simply tell them LOL doesn't accept color treated hair. Stops them cold.

That is correct. My stylist told me they generally won't accept color treated hair-and they would probably not accept my hair, which is color treated,fine and fragile.
She said that it usually takes several heads of hair to make a wig, and the hair must be sterilized, in very hot water and then dyed all the same color, and often color treated hair is too fragile to undergo all that.
Your hair is georgeous, BTW!

Anlbe
November 4th, 2010, 06:22 PM
Ah, people making personal comments.....people don't know they're being rude and sadly unless we want to join that camp we can't tell them.

When people ask me why I don't donate my hair I have two approaches. The first is to look at them in a bemused manner and quietly say something along the lines of 'you want to cut my hair off?' While that's not exactly what they mean, it tells them thats how it feels to me

The second option is to say that I have considered donating my hair to the excellent work done by Locks of Love and other similar charities but after careful thought I have decided not to because...

1. My hair is dyed and very damaged and thus unsuitable to be used for whigs or extensions.
2. Locks of Love sell most of the hair they receive because it's unsuitable, and actually buy some of the hair they use to make whigs, so it would be better to give them money than send my hair.
3. If I did have un-dyed hair it would be more effective to gather the hairs I shed and donate those because they'd be longer. Nearly all hair in whigs and weaves is collected in this way, mostly in India.
4. Most of the women who sell their hair in this fashion are in poverty and paid almost nothing for their hair which is then sold for hundreds of pounds at great profit. This should be addressed by charities such as Locks of Love that supply whigs.

This tells people that I have already given far more consideration to the idea of Locks of Love than they have. Generally I use option one for introverts and option two for extroverts, and it seems to work well. No one's ever mentioned the idea a second time.

Speckla
November 4th, 2010, 06:25 PM
I recently got this. I said, "Nah, I'd rather be selfish and keep my own hair." I just walked away after that. Nothing more was said of it.

Amraann
November 4th, 2010, 08:02 PM
OK the LOL comments are a slight irritation...

But I do not find them worthy of getting all upset or even suggesting the person get fired?
Certainly he is just trying to make conversation and has no ill intent.

It is not hard to simply smile and in the hustle and bustle of getting your child you get lost in the crowd.
Do not even let it bother you. Not worth it.

Angelica
November 4th, 2010, 08:07 PM
Just tell him bluntly how you feel but don't make it too obvious he is upsetting you. You know people that I work with love winding some people up if they are sensitive about certain issues. When he tells you next to "you really should cut your hair...."

Tell hm something like "and you really ought to mind your own business." or just tell him to f off or something.

But don't get too upset. People may realise how upset you are and keep on then.

Demetrue
November 4th, 2010, 10:34 PM
Whenever people ask me to donate something I can not or choose not to, I just say, "Not at this time." or "Not right now" or "Not today". - no explanation, no self-defense, or personal revelation, no discussion.

gretchen_hair
November 4th, 2010, 10:34 PM
It may not be irritating the first half dozen times, but it really is harassment.

The man should be doing his job, assisting children and families, not commenting repeatedly about someones looks. It's uncalled for and aggravating, a person can only take so much harassment before they flip out on someone.

This man is an employee of a daycare center, not a friend, his opinion is not wanted and actually causing hard feelings.. I think I would speak to the director and say that you have heard enough and have been pleasant enough and are simply tired of being badgered about YOUR BODY by this man who feels that it's HIS PLACE to repeatedly inform you of his opinion on how you should be conducting and living your life.

Raekwon
November 4th, 2010, 10:42 PM
Put him in his place.
Tell him "Since you have the same unanswerable question to ask me everyday, I thought it would only be sufficient for me to begin interviewing you with such questions... Ummm Why don't you mind your own business and just do your job? Why are you breathing? Why do you wear that sized shirt? why are you wearing that color? Why are you not wearing glasses? Why is the sky blue? Why don't you quit your job? Why don't you donate your entire pay to Locks of Love? Why is there so many unanswered questions in the world? Why am I asking you so many questions? Why don't you understand that I am rather annoyed by your daily questioning like how I am intentionally annoying you right now?"

or something like that.

melissa8989
February 18th, 2012, 07:10 AM
Sorry, I know this thread is rather old, but I found the most accurate and passionate youtube video. I think it's a good watch for everyone wondering about this topic. The women in the video has dealt with similar "harassment" and explains the situation very well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgEuFdFrKII&feature=relmfu

Darkhorse1
February 18th, 2012, 09:11 AM
I tell people that donating an organ or blood is a lot more useful. It saves lives. Course, I do have my witty moments.

So, the next time this gent says anything, tell him 'I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do with your body, please don't presume to tell me what to do with mine".

ktani
February 18th, 2012, 09:28 AM
Hello everyone!

I lurk quite a bit and always tell people to come here, but I don't write much. I'm a little irritated with myself for coming here to rant today, but I feel really attacked by this elderly man who works at my son's after school care. The man is maybe in his 60s, and otherwise very nice, but, every time I see him, he says, "You should really cut your hair and donate it to Locks of Love," or some similar statement. The statements are varied enough that I feel it isn't dementia causing him to repeat himself. He is trying to convince me to do it. I told him I donate money to the cause, that my hair grows very slowly, etc, but he keeps on bothering me. I don't want to be mean to the dude, but I am feeling really angry about it. Add this to my best friend pressuring me to color my hair and my mother teasing me about how I am going to be "one of those old women with nasty long gray hair" (for the record, my mom's hair has been extremely short for 28 years and she forced me to have very short hair - because her father forced her to have very long hair- until I was 14, at which point I wouldn't allow her near me with scissors). I'm just tired over it. Why are all these people so freakin rude? Why should I donate something I worked hard for, waited almost two decades for, and is precious to me? I don't go around telling people to donate their cars or wedding rings or other items. Why is it seemingly socially acceptable to pressure people to cut off their hair? Why do people see them as selfish if they would rather donate money than their hair?

What should I say to this man to get him to stop, without being incredibly rude. I want to say, "I feel extremely angry and offended when you suggest I should cut off my hair because it is precious and important to me. Please do not ever mention it again." Not sure how he would take that.

Ok, rant over.


Best Wishes everyone!

Shelly

The short answer would be "I gave at the office", lol.

That however is not a polite as saying "I support other charities, but thank you for the suggestion. I enjoy having long hair and I have no intention of cutting it."

Sillage
February 18th, 2012, 09:33 AM
The short answer would be "I gave at the office", lol.

LOL I really like that one!

I've never had anyone suggest that I donate to Locks of Love... maybe it's because I always wear my hair up.

cindy58
February 18th, 2012, 09:39 AM
but I feel really attacked by this elderly man who works at my son's after school care. The man is maybe in his 60s, and otherwise very nice,

I haven't read any of the responses, but if you really want to piss him off, refer to him as "elderly"!

These days, I don't think many people in their 60's considers themselves elderly.

A realistic response to the LOL question/comment would be, "OK then, why don't you spend several years growing your hair to cut it off for them!"