I've SERIOUSLY abused my hair!

[Dyefree]

Hello everyone, first post so please be gentle... :o

I'm 28 years old with naturally wavy/ curly hair... With lots of frizz.... I think. The reason I say I think is because I haven't seen my natural hair colour, texture or thickness for a good few years...

I started dying my hair around the age of 13, and never stopped. I've been ever colour possible from brown to blonde through to red and just about everything in between. Some have been home dye boxes and some have been at the salon. I started to straighten my hair with flat irons very day too from the age of 15, sometimes several times a day....

And then the worst part, I have been wearing hair extensions for the last five years continuously. FIVE years! :( I could have saved myself a whole lot of money and had the long hair I always wanted :(

Recently I had a couple of bad dye jobs done, In short, I went to a hair salon who tried to bleach my hair twice .... My hair as you can imagine is fried, broken, and destroyed. Add to the extension wearing over the years and my hair has had enough... After close inspection I am extremely lucky that my hair appears to be strong rooted as the problem is hair breakage and not hair loss (small mercies) but the broken hairs are so bad that my hair appears super thin, which looks strange as you can see there is a huge bulk of hair at the roots :(

I found this forum a few days ago, and I have been reading and reading.... Spending hours going through old posts, and I am ashamed, embarrassed and upset at what I have put my hair through. But this forum has given me inspiration to throw out my straighteners, my extensions (what was I thinking??) and stop all dye usage.
I have cut my hair to shoulder length ( from APL) which Is a huge step for me as in my mind, my extensions were my hair and they were almost tail bone length. I will not straighten or blow-dry or use any products in my hair and rely on coconut oil and all the natural recipes I can find. And I will grow out my own natural virgin hair ( I have no idea what this is, it appears from my 0.5 inch roots that they are black!!) hopefully to tail bone length.... I have started to do heavy oilings, and started CWC washing.

This is really difficult for me, as i admit I feel i look ugly, I am clipping my hair back all the time, and i just feel so much less 'feminine' than I did with my smooth long hair.... But i know now that wasn't really my hair.

This forum is keeping me on track, and i hope to form friendships and pick up lots of useful tips. If anyone else has been in a similar situation to me in the past I'd love to hear :)

Thanks for reading!! :cheese:

[tiny_teesha]

Hello me!
Ok i wasn't that bad....bleach, yes. Dyeing many times in the span of a short time. Yes. Heat? Yes...

My hair was orange, frizzy and fried. It didn't behave as hair. So i went on your journey to natural! My hair felt like straw, literally, and it was the bane of my existance!

And my hair grew back feeling like hair. Soft, so so soft, i couldn't imagine! I was happy. I finally had healthy hair! BUT!!! Now i have a medical condition that caused it to fall out, and only NOW am i deciding to finally go to a doctor to do tests to find out why!

I couldn't chop, so instead i trimmed 1cm every months, effectively not growing, staying still, as my virgin hair slowly grew in.

Try using a seamless comb, and generally treating your hair like antique lace. S&Ds. These all help. You might want to look into cassia masks too. That might help now. Or henna, and grow it out. Henna is reddish.

I'm willing to offer you advice, moral support, or help! :)

Welcome to the boards!

[KittyLost]

Welcome to LHC!

We've all been where you are but its good you're making a step in the right direction, good luck growing :)

What's your goal length?

[Dyefree]

Hello me!
Ok i wasn't that bad....bleach, yes. Dyeing many times in the span of a short time. Yes. Heat? Yes...

My hair was orange, frizzy and fried. It didn't behave as hair. So i went on your journey to natural! My hair felt like straw, literally, and it was the bane of my existance!

And my hair grew back feeling like hair. Soft, so so soft, i couldn't imagine! I was happy. I finally had healthy hair! BUT!!! Now i have a medical condition that caused it to fall out, and only NOW am i deciding to finally go to a doctor to do tests to find out why!

I couldn't chop, so instead i trimmed 1cm every months, effectively not growing, staying still, as my virgin hair slowly grew in.

Try using a seamless comb, and generally treating your hair like antique lace. S&Ds. These all help. You might want to look into cassia masks too. That might help now. Or henna, and grow it out. Henna is reddish.

I'm willing to offer you advice, moral support, or help! :)

Welcome to the boards!

Thank you so much! I love the analogy of hair being like antique lace.... So true! I'm trying my best and after reading the boards extensively I'm horrified at what I've been doing with my hair. I'm so sorry to hear of your hair loss, definitely go to get it checked out... Hope it goes well!

[Dyefree]

Welcome to LHC!

We've all been where you are but its good you're making a step in the right direction, good luck growing :)

What's your goal length?

Thank you, my goal length is tail bone, I know that's a long way away, but I'm determined to get there! :)

[KittyLost]

I am shoulder length too with a goal of tailbone!

Hopefully we'll get there soon :)

[RachieBaby]

Welcome to LHC! :D

we've all been there before! Don't worry your on your way to healthy hair though! Congrats on giving up the heat and dye!

If your hair is really dry you could try and SMT once a week?

http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=128

[Addy]

I went dye free and you can too! It definately takes time but you will get there! :)

[Jessica Trapp]

Welcome to LHC! :flower:

[Safira]

Hello Dyefree and dont be sad. Your hair will be healthy and fine, it just take few months and a lot work.

I started to raise my hair a year ago. I straigthened my hair everyday, sometimes 2-3 times a day (I have very curly hair). So at the time I stopped that, my hair looked like afro, my scalp felt like burning all the time and my hair was dry and weak.

It took me 2-3 months to rescue my hair.
So, you can do it. Dont panic, you´ll see the results soon.

[FrannyG]

Hi Dyefree! :waving: Welcome to LHC!

For pity's sake, don't be ashamed or embarrassed. Many of us have inflicted serious damage on our hair many times and have lived to tell the tale. I even inflicted serious damage to my hair after being on LHC, when I knew better! However, I made my choice because I knew I had to do it in order to be happy with my hair in the long run.

I know you're not feeling wonderful about your hair right now, but it won't take long before your hair is longer and feeling and looking healthier.

It's a longterm project, and just take it day by day. And don't try every new tip you come across at once. Just make changes gradually, so that you learn what works for you. I do hope that you enjoy being a part of this wonderful forum. :blossom:

[Dyefree]

Welcome to LHC! :D

we've all been there before! Don't worry your on your way to healthy hair though! Congrats on giving up the heat and dye!

If your hair is really dry you could try and SMT once a week?

http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=128

Thanks will definitely have a go with that :)

[Dyefree]

Hello Dyefree and dont be sad. Your hair will be healthy and fine, it just take few months and a lot work.

I started to raise my hair a year ago. I straigthened my hair everyday, sometimes 2-3 times a day (I have very curly hair). So at the time I stopped that, my hair looked like afro, my scalp felt like burning all the time and my hair was dry and weak.

It took me 2-3 months to rescue my hair.
So, you can do it. Dont panic, you´ll see the results soon.

I hope so, but I just feel, it took years for me to build up the extent of damage I have, so it'll probably take years to rescue and grow from what little I have left :(

I'll just literally leave it clipped up for the next few years....

[~bear]

Welcome to LHC. You are in the right place. :)

[Dyefree]

Hi Dyefree! :waving: Welcome to LHC!

For pity's sake, don't be ashamed or embarrassed. Many of us have inflicted serious damage on our hair many times and have lived to tell the tale. I even inflicted serious damage to my hair after being on LHC, when I knew better! However, I made my choice because I knew I had to do it in order to be happy with my hair in the long run.

I know you're not feeling wonderful about your hair right now, but it won't take long before your hair is longer and feeling and looking healthier.

It's a longterm project, and just take it day by day. And don't try every new tip you come across at once. Just make changes gradually, so that you learn what works for you. I do hope that you enjoy being a part of this wonderful forum. :blossom:

Thank you, it's hard not to be embarrassed, my hair, albeit fake hair, was my crowning glory... Not many people knew I wore extensions, so it'll be hard to face them and deal with the inevitable comments. But I'm determined to deal with them all, I'm doing this for ME and if they don't like what they see, then to hell with them. :o

Thanks again.

[bumblebums]

Hi Dyefree, and welcome to LHC!

Your experience is a pretty common one... so pay attention to threads in which people with similar experiences share their advice. I was a dyer and a straightener for a while, until my hair started breaking off before my eyes. That scared me curly :)

Prepare to be at shoulder length for some time. You don't need to cut all of your length off, but you will most likely have to trim off the damaged hair for some time, since hair that has been straightened and chemically processed a lot does not really grow. You will need to find an understanding stylist, until your hair grows to be long enough that you can trim it yourself (http://community.livejournal.com/feyeselftrim). (I think the minimum length for this is close to arm pit length.)

Something you might consider is dyeing your hair back to its natural color one last time, with a vegetable or semi-permanent dye (or maybe even henna/indigo--since you will be cutting off the damaged hair, it shouldn't be as much of a risk to go permanent). That makes it easier to deal with the demarcation line. If your natural hair color is quite different from your dyed color, you will start getting frustrated with it once you have a few inches of virgin growth; dyeing makes the process easier.

[Tomato]

Don't feel ashamed about the dye jobs in the past, not even the extensions!
You did what you wanted to do, you enjoyed it and you felt good (I really do hope so!).
Now, enjoy your new hair care and look forward to trying all the stuff that's recommended here.
Ich wish you good luck!

Sunny greetings from sunny Vienna! :pumpkin:

[Nightshade]

Hello Dyfree!

Heh, sweetie, no need to be ashamed, I've been there. My hair broke off from hip to BSL, and really, what I had left should have been shaved off... it was just a broken bunch of hay.

Keep doing what you're doing, lots of reading. As you experiment, though, take one thing at a time. If you do a deep oiling, SMT, cassia, etc all in one week, you'll never know what your hair likes. Small changes.

The biggest things, as you already know, are what you DON'T do ;)

There's an article on rehabilitating damaged hair in my siggy, perhaps it'd be worth a read?

[Dyefree]

Something you might consider is dyeing your hair back to its natural color one last time, with a vegetable or semi-permanent dye (or maybe even henna/indigo--since you will be cutting off the damaged hair, it shouldn't be as much of a risk to go permanent). That makes it easier to deal with the demarcation line. If your natural hair color is quite different from your dyed color, you will start getting frustrated with it once you have a few inches of virgin growth; dyeing makes the process easier.

Thank you, luckily (or not!) after my last two bleach nightmares I decided to dye my hair back to a dark brown, even though I used a permanent, the hair doesn't hold onto the colour well, I'm guessing my cuticles are non existent now and so the colour leached out. So I'm left with black roots and a brassy mid brown colour.... I can live with it for now.... Eventually the plan is to have 100% virgin hair, greys and all, so yes eventually the damaged hair will have to be all cut out, though I'm hoping to hang on to them for as long as possible.

[Dyefree]

Don't feel ashamed about the dye jobs in the past, not even the extensions!
You did what you wanted to do, you enjoyed it and you felt good (I really do hope so!).
Now, enjoy your new hair care and look forward to trying all the stuff that's recommended here.
Ich wish you good luck!

Sunny greetings from sunny Vienna! :pumpkin:
Lol I think the problem was I enjoyed the extensions too much!

Didn't enjoy the constant tugging, being worried about bonds showing, colour matching, not to mention cost!

Plus the hair was never mine to begin with..... How I wish I never started in the first place.... Hindsight for you!

[Dyefree]

Hello Dyfree!

Heh, sweetie, no need to be ashamed, I've been there. My hair broke off from hip to BSL, and really, what I had left should have been shaved off... it was just a broken bunch of hay.

Keep doing what you're doing, lots of reading. As you experiment, though, take one thing at a time. If you do a deep oiling, SMT, cassia, etc all in one week, you'll never know what your hair likes. Small changes.

The biggest things, as you already know, are what you DON'T do ;)

There's an article on rehabilitating damaged hair in my siggy, perhaps it'd be worth a read?

Thank you nightshade,
I've definitely considered shaving or cutting off to a pixie cut, but my hair has a wild wave/curl/frizz thing going on, and I have to look professional for my job, so I just can't really go there, plus whilst I don't care what others say or think, I do care about my husband and he has asked me to go no shorter than i already am....

Will go off and have a read of your article. Thank you again. :)

[Crazycatlady]

Welcome!!! I just want to make a comment about your natural color. Can't add anything more to the wonderful tips the above posters have already shared, but I do want to say that your roots will look very dark at first when you see them against your dyed hair. I always thought mine was almost black too, but now that my hair's been growing for a little over a year (yippie!), my natural color is a nice brown, almost reddish-amber color. MUCH prettier than I thought it was when I was just looking at the new growth against my light blonde, dyed hair.

One more thing...I haven't given up coloring my hair, I've just changed to adding high/lowlights foils to a few sections of my hair every few months. That way I have several different shades going and my greys are easier for me to tolerate. I only foil the top sections a bit, and I leave my hair underneath natural.

There are many people on this forum who color their hair and keep it beautiful and healthy. Just keep reading and you will come across their stories. I love it here and I know you will too. :D

[Angeletti]

Welcome to LHC, it's nothing to be ashamed about we have all done bad things to our hair at some point and have learned from the mistakes. Hopefully you will learn some great tips from browsing around the threads : ) As for the dye I still color my hair at tailbone length, it honestly doesn't affect my hair as most people would think because I tend to use deposit colors with no bleaching qualities.

[Dyefree]

Welcome!!! I just want to make a comment about your natural color. Can't add anything more to the wonderful tips the above posters have already shared, but I do want to say that your roots will look very dark at first when you see them against your dyed hair. I always thought mine was almost black too, but now that my hair's been growing for a little over a year (yippie!), my natural color is a nice brown, almost reddish-amber color. MUCH prettier than I thought it was when I was just looking at the new growth against my light blonde, dyed hair.

One more thing...I haven't given up coloring my hair, I've just changed to adding high/lowlights foils to a few sections of my hair every few months. That way I have several different shades going and my greys are easier for me to tolerate. I only foil the top sections a bit, and I leave my hair underneath natural.

There are many people on this forum who color their hair and keep it beautiful and healthy. Just keep reading and you will come across their stories. I love it here and I know you will too. :D

Wow, you know, I did wonder as when I was younger I remember my hair having a reddish amber tinge too in the light, almost like natural golden highlights, but not that i can only see the root regrowth it looks like a very dark brown black. It's so exciting to think my hair will have natural variations and colour running through it- I can't wait!


I have to say, this is probably the friendliest, most harmonious and supportive website i've seen. So glad I've found it- my only regret I didn't find it sooner.

[LaurelSpring]

Welcome! :waving:

You have found your way to a wonderful supportive place. I put my hair through all sorts of abuse also and one day I had just had enough. Luckily I stumbled across this forum also. Now my hair is just past waist and I love it more than I ever have. It does take some patience and dedication but if you stick around it will happen.

[Dyefree]

Thank you angeletti and laurespring, this really is a great forum and I plan on sticking around for a long while yet!

[pepperminttea]

Welcome to the LHC! :flower: I second reading Nightshade's article if you haven't come across it yet in your explorations, and doing SMTs. Good luck with your growing journey!

[kabelaced]

Welcome aboard the LHC, matey!! :love:

There's a ton of information to pore through here, so make sure to take small steps, even though you probably feel like you want to make a huge shift! If you try doing too much at once, you could get frustrated and give up.

There are many dyes options out there that are chemical-free, so you don't have to give that up if you don't want to. "Virgin" hair doesn't give you magic powers - it's all about loving your color, or wanting to switch things up! :)

Cheers! :D

[spidermom]

Enjoy the journey to long, healthy hair of your very own.

[Cheeks1206]

Welcome to our lovely home on the intrawebs! It sounds like you're already making great progress to having the hair you want. As I'm sure plenty of others have mentioned, it's going to be a slow process for you given the current state of your hair. You'll probably have to slowly trim out the damage and really baby your hair so you don't get furher breakage. Check out the articles section for more info on this. I believe Nightshade has a good article about damaged hair that has tips for growing it out while trimming damage.

Good luck on your hair journey! There will be highs and lows along the way, just remember that we will be here for you!

ETA: oops! It seems I was beat to the punch re: Nightshade's articles! It can't be wrong if so many people are citing it, right?

P.S. Sorry about any typos, I'm typing this on my phone.

[Monsterkitti]

Welcome to LHC! Enjoy all the heaps of brilliant advice on the site, I can only add my voice to the people suggesting Nightshades damaged hair article, it really is great and helped my hair a lot :)

[TrudieCat]

I, um, fourth...?... fifth...? Nightshade's article on rehabbing damaged hair. Also, don't get discouraged if it takes a long time for you to find a good new routine for your hair. And don't feel bad about the damage you inflicted on your hair. There's nothing for you to feel bad about, I promise! :) Sending you positive vibes as you embark on your new hair journey!! :blossom: And welcome to LHC!

[Dyefree]

Thank you all so much. I'm so excited to be here, I'm such an all or nothing person and I'm ready to give everything to my hair.... Well it stuck with me this long! :cheese:

[Shicurls]

Welcome! I've found this place to be a place of healing in many aspects...including hair! The good news is, you have healthy roots! They sound strong and thick!!!! The scalp is where it all begins, so congratulations on being here, and don't ever beat yourself up over past actions, especially in regards to hair. :)

[jenwexler]

I understand how you feel except I haven't used extensions often. I haven't had an actually natural head since I was 11 and I am 18 Now. I went through Puberty without actually knowing my true color or texture because hair is supposed to change anyway during that time, right?

[PiroskaCicu]

My only advice is...to be patient. :) With time your hair will grow and one day will be the long, beautiful healthy hair you dream of....

[xoxophelia]

You know what you have to do to fix your hair? Close to nothing! :D

Just start washing it every other day, letting it air dry, and then putting it in updos that you can learn here for the time being. Also only brush it gently with your fingers while it is wet (so get tangles out gently before you wash).

That is IT. If all you did was that ^ and then waited, your hair would grow in looking healthy. (this does mean no more: heat styling, coloring, rough handling)

Other things to consider: you might decide to cut off a lot of the damage from your hair. If you want to do updos so that it is easier to not heat style, cut to the point that you can still do a pony tail or a short braid. Then just maintain there until the damage has grown out. You could also cut in a pixie and be rid of the damage asap. Whatever you prefer. :)

[Dyefree]

You know what you have to do to fix your hair? Close to nothing! :D

Just start washing it every other day, letting it air dry, and then putting it in updos that you can learn here for the time being. Also only brush it gently with your fingers while it is wet (so get tangles out gently before you wash).

That is IT. If all you did was that ^ and then waited, your hair would grow in looking healthy. (this does mean no more: heat styling, coloring, rough handling)

Other things to consider: you might decide to cut off a lot of the damage from your hair. If you want to do updos so that it is easier to not heat style, cut to the point that you can still do a pony tail or a short braid. Then just maintain there until the damage has grown out. You could also cut in a pixie and be rid of the damage asap. Whatever you prefer. :)

I wish I had the guts to go to pixie, but with my curly hair I just don't know how I'd style it. I've cut off a good 5 inches and can only just make a small pony tail so literally cannot cut anymore off. ahhhhhh so frustrating.

I'll just continue to pin up till there's more hair, then re- evaluate.... If I can just maybe baby the ends and they last me a few years.... :(

[Alvrodul]

I can only join in the chorus to welcome you to LHC. As for chemical damage - been there, done that, got a drawer full of t-shirts. Most LHCers probably has at least a small collection of them.;)

[tinti]

Hi, and welcome to LHC :) Now I don't know much about damaged hair (luckily), but I know that with trims, oilings and babying it like crazy you've come a long way. The best thing is just to put it up and don't think too much about it. Obsessing about how short/thin/bad it looks will only cause you more frustrations and make you feel worse.

[BrightEyes7]

Welcome to LHC. :flowers:

I used to bleach my hair every 6 weeks. Wash, blow dry and straighten EVERY DAY! And I always wondered why my hair never got long?!?! DUH! It was growing, it was just breaking more!

Now I am getting close to TB. Looking back it wasn't that hard to grow it out. My main advice is forget about your hair as much as you can.

Wear it up for the most part to minimize damage. Use a wide tooth comb to gently detangle. I second the idea of a SMT if your hair is super dry, this will make your hair SUPER soft! Another thing I found that works great is the Aussie 3 minute miracle. It is a deep conditioner, super cheap but works great and smells DELICIOUS!

[Dyefree]

Have a bottle of Aussie 3mm in my cupboard so will try that at the next wash :)

May aswell buy some pretty clips as looks like my hair will be up for a long while to come.... :o

[jenwexler]

Wear cute knit caps. They are currently keeping me sane haha.

[daaisychains]

Hey lovely, you are not alone.

I used to straighten my hair too, blonde highlights, wear it up in a massive quiff and hair spray it to the max. I've been 'good' for the last 4 years or so now and i went from washing every day, to washing every 3rd day to now only CO-ing (conditioner only.)

I'm from the UK too, i used the Aussie 3minute revival conditioner as my normal conditioner and it leaves my hair so pretty. Also when you're just out the shower and your hair is still damp (not soaking) add a little bit of coconut oil on the tips and bun your hair when it's still damp, it works wonders.

I'm still getting rid of the damage just now but my hair is a few inches of waist length and it's looking really pretty. I know how you feel about not feeling as feminine.. i wear lots of cute pretty hair bands when i'm wearing my hair up it helps alot!

Anyway good luck and happy growing X

[Dyefree]

Hey lovely, you are not alone.

I used to straighten my hair too, blonde highlights, wear it up in a massive quiff and hair spray it to the max. I've been 'good' for the last 4 years or so now and i went from washing every day, to washing every 3rd day to now only CO-ing (conditioner only.)

I'm from the UK too, i used the Aussie 3minute revival conditioner as my normal conditioner and it leaves my hair so pretty. Also when you're just out the shower and your hair is still damp (not soaking) add a little bit of coconut oil on the tips and bun your hair when it's still damp, it works wonders.

I'm still getting rid of the damage just now but my hair is a few inches of waist length and it's looking really pretty. I know how you feel about not feeling as feminine.. i wear lots of cute pretty hair bands when i'm wearing my hair up it helps alot!

Anyway good luck and happy growing X

Great idea with the hair bands.... It'll definitely be tough wearing my hair up all the time, as I've always left it loose... Will try the oil on damp hair too- great advice :)

[HintOfMint]

Welcome and best wishes on growing long virgin hair!

[nemileo]

It all sounds very familiar....I was using extentions for many years too, and I actually felt "bald" without them...My hair was so mutch thinner and shorter without them. But time heals every sore. A lot of the feeling of looking less feminine and not looking good is all in our heads because we get addicted to these things. For instance I have not worn my hair with no products for a day in many years. I thought my hair would be flat and thin and look horrible without it. Not it has been 6 months since I last put something in it, and it does not look flat and thin at all. I guess it was all the leftovers from the styling products, and my addiction to having the biggest hair in the street that made me feel that way....:o

I bet you look great, and I really hope you get some advice that will work for you from all the faboulos people in this site. There are natural and non-harming ways to dye and style your hair too if you want a change. I bet you will be pretty amazed of how fast you`ll get comfortable with your new hair regimen, and how gorgeous your hair actually is:D

[Feng-Shui]

Welcome to the LHC.:flower:

I thinks that many of us members LHC found as ours hair was in a bad condition.

For this reason understands I very well about which you speaks.:)

[<3OnHerSleeve]

hey Dyefree
I've done everything you've done to your hair except the extensions (believe me I was tempted too). and to think I could never understand why my hair grew so slow... hmmm we wonder... lol
anyways, good luck for your new hair care treatment and look forward to seeing you around the forum :)

[McFearless]

Welcome! Your hair will only get better from here. :)You've already picked up good habits. I've done just about everything to my hair and I'm always learning and trying to be as gentle to my hair as possible.

[cubedcoley]

You are on the right track, and I think you will be shocked at how your hair responds over the next few weeks and months! You will have a whole new head of hair very soon, so, just sit back and enjoy the journey.....as well as the dancing cheese guy. He seems to like it here...wonder why he does not have long hair? :cheese: