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Barniie
October 31st, 2010, 04:25 AM
Well today, my aunt was adrmiring my sisters below bsl hair. We were saying how it desperately needed a trim, and then she turned to mine and said, 'wow, it's getting long - i liked it short.'. It was kind of blunt and awkward, seeing as she started to say how long hair was tacky. She is the kind of person who cannot be persuaded, and when i was younger with hip-length hair, she actually came with scissors to cut it. What should I dooo?? I think I am resorting to wearing updos whenever i see her :O Any help? Thanks. Just a rant :D

RachelRain
October 31st, 2010, 04:35 AM
Well today, my aunt was adrmiring my sisters below bsl hair. We were saying how it desperately needed a trim, and then she turned to mine and said, 'wow, it's getting long - i liked it short.'. It was kind of blunt and awkward, seeing as she started to say how long hair was tacky. She is the kind of person who cannot be persuaded, and when i was younger with hip-length hair, she actually came with scissors to cut it. What should I dooo?? I think I am resorting to wearing updos whenever i see her :O Any help? Thanks. Just a rant :D

I'm rather blunt with my family, I would simply have said 'thanks for your opinion... now that it's been stated, it doesn't ever have to be repeated.' As to the scissors... I'd literally threaten bodily harm if they came within arms reach - and they know I'd follow through. (I'm not saying you should do either, this is simply how I am with my family. I can't stand the majority of them, it's like a bunch of friggin' Neanderthals.)

Maybe if you said something along the lines of 'No offense, auntie, but it's my hair, and I like it long, and that's all that matters,' and you keep repeating it, it would get her to back off? Or try enlisting your parents to tell her to back off - you're not her kid, so her opinion should pretty much be null and void anyways.

Siava
October 31st, 2010, 04:42 AM
Barniie, my mother is the same way. She'd have a fit if my daughter cut her tailbone hair because the kiddo has always had it long. I, on the other hand, went from waist to less than an inch and now it's back to BSL+. Mom is always making little comments on how much better it looked short. Well, too bad! You just gotta stand your ground and tell your Aunt that you like your hair just the way it is. She'll most likely still make comments, but you'll find comfort in being frank.

CrisDee
October 31st, 2010, 05:20 AM
There are several threads similar to this - wow, it's amazing how many people have it etched in stone in their minds that once you hit puberty, you're not allowed to have long hair! However, for an aunt (I'm assuming not your mother or primary caregiver, someone who doesn't even live with you!) to come at you with scissors is highly inappropriate. I would simply keep my distance from her, it sounds like she has some serious boundary issues.

Avvoltoio
October 31st, 2010, 05:28 AM
My mother hates long hair too, but i really don't care about her opinion about this, cause i experience much more attention, and i like it much more. She also dislike longhair on girls too, but i love girls with extremely long length hair.

Astarte_1980
October 31st, 2010, 06:11 AM
You do not have a nice aunt. I would always wear my hair in a updo if she is coming. There is nothing wrong with long hair. If you like it you must keep it.

Delila
October 31st, 2010, 07:19 AM
Maybe this is one of those situations where you can learn how to stand your ground without too much misery for all concerned. Getting in a bit of practice saying no is not a bad thing, it's a useful skill that more people should have. You have the right to wear your hair how you like it, regardless of everyone else's opinions.

I remember my own aunts sniping about, well, the fact that I exist, and it always kind of hurt my feelings. I don't know what their issues are, but I've learned that since I see them so seldom, it doesn't really matter what they think of me (or my hair, LOL!)

foggybrooke
October 31st, 2010, 08:25 AM
I seems everyone around me hates my hair long, and uncolored and has no problems offering up their opinions. I hear it from my mom, co-workers, etc. My response? "Are we giving unsolicited opinions on the way each other looks? I have a few things I could say but never have in the interest of being polite." :D That ends the topic immediately.

It used to bother me until I realized that people with hair I admired, always admired mine. Since then, I chalk it up to jealousy and move on!

DuckyDot
October 31st, 2010, 08:28 AM
All of my family love long hair but my friends don't, and if any of them came near me with scissors then I would practise my Karate on them. :) Don't listen to your aunt. :)

Ruce
October 31st, 2010, 08:31 AM
I get a lot of this too, mainly due to being male. Sadly I have very low self-esteem, and I've been reduced to crying a few times when people comment on it.

Most of the time I put it down to general misunderstanding. A lot of the world hasn't come to terms with long hair having anything to do with men, and while girls with short hair has certainly become acceptable now, sadly I don't see the opposite being true for a while yet. I don't think it's jealousy, either.

Some people don't mind that it's long, they just keep saying I should get a style. But if you do get a style (the word makes me shudder), then that's at least a couple of years down the drain to try and grow it back if you get bored of it. I like to stand out, but not in the way that you have a crazy hairstyle that kills your hair every time you style it. I'd definitely put most of these situations down to jealousy.

jane53
October 31st, 2010, 08:35 AM
I'm the aunt.

Both my nieces loved my long hair throughout their babyhood, childhood, teens--they still love it.

Both grew and kept their hair very long throughout their childhood and teens.

Both have since cut their hair to about shoulder length. They both look lovely with their new hair cuts and they looked lovely with the long hair too.

misstwist
October 31st, 2010, 08:40 AM
. My response? "Are we giving unsolicited opinions on the way each other looks? I have a few things I could say but never have in the interest of being polite." :D That ends the topic immediately.

Bwahahaha! :rolling:

That is a gem of a response. Everybody memorize that one!

The only person who really says anything about my hair is my mother. She sometimes "forgets" that my hair isn't a fit topic for conversation.

My usual reply is "if I wanted it shorter it would be shorter."

surfguy87
October 31st, 2010, 09:26 AM
Well today, my aunt was adrmiring my sisters below bsl hair. We were saying how it desperately needed a trim, and then she turned to mine and said, 'wow, it's getting long - i liked it short.'. It was kind of blunt and awkward, seeing as she started to say how long hair was tacky. She is the kind of person who cannot be persuaded, and when i was younger with hip-length hair, she actually came with scissors to cut it. What should I dooo?? I think I am resorting to wearing updos whenever i see her :O Any help? Thanks. Just a rant :D

Barniie, life is about finding and being yourself. Do not let others change who you are.

- make it explicit to everyone around you that you love your hair.
- ignore all influence from your auntie. If she comments again, tell her she needs to broaden her mind to individuality.

katha
October 31st, 2010, 09:38 AM
My response? "Are we giving unsolicited opinions on the way each other looks? I have a few things I could say but never have in the interest of being polite."

Well, this one is just great! :)

Toadstool
October 31st, 2010, 09:46 AM
"Are we giving unsolicited opinions on the way each other looks? I have a few things I could say but never have in the interest of being polite."


This is wonderful!!

spidermom
October 31st, 2010, 10:10 AM
I figure that everybody is entitled to an opinion, though I don't know why they feel entitled to state it, especially when it's hurtful. I went through this with my father. He told me that my hair looked like a big old mess and held out some scissors. I just laughed and said "I'm not going to cut my hair!" I'm entitled to my opinion, too, and I like it long. It's my hair and nobody else gets a vote.

tinti
October 31st, 2010, 10:54 AM
My grannie is like that, too. I used to be really hurt when she made coments on my hair not matching my face and blablabla I should've kept it short. But now I just ignore her :)

Purdy Bear
October 31st, 2010, 11:54 AM
My aunt is exactly the same. Everytime we visited her (she lives 4 hours drive from us), she got me to chop my hair. Shes a very trendy/fashionable older lady, but hasnt changed her hair in over 20 years.

She cant say anything now I dont have hair, although she probably will have something to say about the wigs Iv got.

jeanniet
October 31st, 2010, 11:54 AM
I agree with Spidermom--everyone's entitled to their opinion, but they don't need to say it out loud. I grew up with relatives who felt it was their right to be very blunt and very opinionated about everything and everybody. My best advice is to learn to ignore things that bother you, especially things you can't control. You like your hair; your aunt doesn't. You can't make her like it, but you can choose to ignore her comments and wear your hair up when she's around to reduce those comments (maybe). You'll be a lot happier if you can shrug those things off, and it might make her back off if she sees that you're not going to let yourself get upset. :)

jojo
October 31st, 2010, 12:40 PM
Id just thank you for sharing that with with me, personally I love long hair and id leave it at that!
Everybody is entitled to their opinions and it would be a boring world if we all liked the same thing, some people just forget to engage their brain before opening their mouths don't take it to heart its not worth it x

princessp
October 31st, 2010, 01:27 PM
People need to respect your personal space (no matter what their relation is to you). The fact that she came at you with scissors distresses me greatly. There was an incident in CA (I believe) where a guy cut off a woman's hair on the bus and he went to jail for it. I would steer clear of this Aunt and maybe wear your hair up when you have to be around her. I wouldn't trust her any where near my hair. Who cares if she doesn't like long hair, your hair (and you) are absolutely adorable.

Fairlight63
October 31st, 2010, 02:00 PM
My advice is don't bring up the topic of hair with her if possible.
Wear your hair up around her.
When she makes comments just smile at her & kind of laugh.

My husband doesn't like long hair & I do, this is what has worked for me, he has given up making remarks to me about my hair.

Juli414
October 31st, 2010, 02:10 PM
Well today, my aunt was adrmiring my sisters below bsl hair. We were saying how it desperately needed a trim, and then she turned to mine and said, 'wow, it's getting long - i liked it short.'.
Ok, when you admire something, you say nice things about it. So, your aunt was saying nice things about your sister's hair, while another set of people you call "we" said the sister's hair needed a trim. Then your aunt said that she liked your hair short.

Do I have this right?

Also, we can't tell tone through text, nor do we know the situation. The way you have her wording, it doesn't mean that she doesn't like your hair long. If it's been a long time since she last saw you, she may have been startled at how long your hair is; here she'd been remembering you with shorter hair and *foom* your hair is longer than she was expecting. It's not that she doesn't like it now, but that she was so used to thinking of you with shorter hair, it's hard to make the adjustment. Had she said that she PREFERRED you with shorter hair, then it's a different issue.

Dragon
October 31st, 2010, 02:31 PM
I would simply keep my distance from her and wear it up if you see her. My Mum hates my long hair and I have to avoid going to there place as she doesen't take know for an answer and I'm not going to let that happen to me again.

manderly
October 31st, 2010, 06:06 PM
Ok, when you admire something, you say nice things about it. So, your aunt was saying nice things about your sister's hair, while another set of people you call "we" said the sister's hair needed a trim. Then your aunt said that she liked your hair short.

Do I have this right?

Also, we can't tell tone through text, nor do we know the situation. The way you have her wording, it doesn't mean that she doesn't like your hair long. If it's been a long time since she last saw you, she may have been startled at how long your hair is; here she'd been remembering you with shorter hair and *foom* your hair is longer than she was expecting. It's not that she doesn't like it now, but that she was so used to thinking of you with shorter hair, it's hard to make the adjustment. Had she said that she PREFERRED you with shorter hair, then it's a different issue.


This is exactly how I read the OP :)

christine1989
October 31st, 2010, 06:46 PM
I LOVE to tick my aunt off since she is a bona fide psycho but if you are more of a keeper of the peace then I would just tell her "I'm just trying out long hair again. If I don't like it I may cut it." That usually satisfies people who tell me to cut my hair and shuts them up for a while.

PF Graham
October 31st, 2010, 07:26 PM
I think everybody knows what I'm going to say...

Find a new Aunty.

There I said it, how hard was that.

- P

luxepiggy
October 31st, 2010, 07:30 PM
I seems everyone around me hates my hair long, and uncolored and has no problems offering up their opinions. I hear it from my mom, co-workers, etc. My response? "Are we giving unsolicited opinions on the way each other looks? I have a few things I could say but never have in the interest of being polite." :D That ends the topic immediately.

It used to bother me until I realized that people with hair I admired, always admired mine. Since then, I chalk it up to jealousy and move on!

I love this (^(oo)^)v

LisaMonster
October 31st, 2010, 08:12 PM
I don't get how long hair is "tacky."

I find it to be the most natural looking style...

Angeletti
October 31st, 2010, 08:23 PM
I would wear my hair up around her, that way you don't have to hear her comments and worry about her having scissors on hand, hopefully she was just joking about cutting your hair because that's disturbing if she would actually do it.

RachelRain
October 31st, 2010, 08:38 PM
Ok, when you admire something, you say nice things about it. So, your aunt was saying nice things about your sister's hair, while another set of people you call "we" said the sister's hair needed a trim. Then your aunt said that she liked your hair short.

Do I have this right?

Also, we can't tell tone through text, nor do we know the situation. The way you have her wording, it doesn't mean that she doesn't like your hair long. If it's been a long time since she last saw you, she may have been startled at how long your hair is; here she'd been remembering you with shorter hair and *foom* your hair is longer than she was expecting. It's not that she doesn't like it now, but that she was so used to thinking of you with shorter hair, it's hard to make the adjustment. Had she said that she PREFERRED you with shorter hair, then it's a different issue.

I started out reading it that way til I saw the scissors comment.

PF Graham
October 31st, 2010, 08:39 PM
I get a lot of this too, mainly due to being male. Sadly I have very low self-esteem, and I've been reduced to crying a few times when people comment on it.

Most of the time I put it down to general misunderstanding. A lot of the world hasn't come to terms with long hair having anything to do with men, and while girls with short hair has certainly become acceptable now, sadly I don't see the opposite being true for a while yet. I don't think it's jealousy, either.

Some people don't mind that it's long, they just keep saying I should get a style. But if you do get a style (the word makes me shudder), then that's at least a couple of years down the drain to try and grow it back if you get bored of it. I like to stand out, but not in the way that you have a crazy hairstyle that kills your hair every time you style it. I'd definitely put most of these situations down to jealousy.

Buck up Little Cowboy,

The deal is, there's many different stages of long hair.

For a Boy, there is:
- Long past the point of your last hair cut - 'time to cut your hair man..'
- Where are your ears?
- Push back from the front - FINALLY, long enough to get it all out of your eyes at once...
- Shoulder (good times!)
- Long and all points longer.

For men, there are soooo many GREAT examples of amazing long hair for men on this site that it must serve as a positive example of how your hair can look (especially if you're young enough to get a good start).

Bottom line - welcome to the place where long hair loves to talk about and support long hair (not very witty I know but I'm on my third glass of Halloween Punch).

Also, (wait, hold on a sec, my soap box seems to be sliding out from under me - OK, that's better), get over the low self-esteem thingy - YOU ARE WHAT YOU MAKE YOURSELF. If you don't like the view from your mind's mirror - change it. It's just that simple. BUT, you don't have to change over night - in fact, you can't. Decide on a goal and walk, don't run, in that direction.

If you take away ANYTHING from posting / reading / lurking on this site is should be that change is possible and patience is mandatory. Just look at ANY of the progress pictures and you will know what I mean.

The original author of this thread has a crappy Aunty. So what! Who doesn't for the love of all things long and soft!

The simple answer to "You're hair is too long" Or ANYTHING like that is ALWAYS "Thanks Aunt Crazy but I like the way I look." - AND, most importantly, SAY NOTHING ELSE after that. Look them in the eye and wait for their next response and move on.

Never forget that ALL opinions are a reflection of ones self - meaning, in all topics (politics, beauty, love, gardening, etc), it's how that person feels about themselves.

Once you realize that, you're Superman against the snide remarks and arrows of disapproval.

Look at the messenger and say, with respect and dignity, 'I'm sorry you feel that way.' - Done.

Now, if you want to get nasty go with this:

If it's a relative:
- 'I'm sorry you feel that way but (pause....) are you saying you don't love me as much just because I have long hair?'.

If it's a friend:
- ' Wait, are you saying if I keep growing my hair long we can't be friends?' **note - you are tipping them on their heals so expect a response and it might actually be an honest one - go from there....**

If it's a lover:
- 'Maybe you're right, let me think about it, I certainly respect your opinion.' - you get it.......

If it's your priest:
- 'Stop touching me...'

If it's your neighbor:
- ' Thanks Miss Clubersmesky. Hay, could you do me a big favor and get your boxer to stop pissing on my begonias - great thanks and, hay, when is your daughter going to be home?' - Again, I think you get the idea.

If it's your gardener (trash man, pool boy, Uncle (Uggg, etc.):
- Really, why the hell are you so close to those people - find some better friends for Christ sake!

Good luck and remember: Where ever you go, there you are.

- P

Barniie
October 31st, 2010, 11:13 PM
Thanks. I do love my aunt, but I think i will stand my ground and tell her that its MY hair and I shall do what I wish with it :) Thanks all! :)

ambism
November 1st, 2010, 12:08 AM
I have an over-critical aunt too. However, I also have a very sharp tongue. They balance each other out quite well. I am very blunt towards people that direct snide comments at me. If you're the shy type, just flash a small smile and disregard their babble. It's just that, babble. Total rubbish.

Barniie
November 1st, 2010, 01:14 AM
Oh, also, when I said 'admiring' I meant looking at, and saying she liked it that long, but no longer. And then me and her both agreed it needed a trim - just to clear it up :) Thanks Guys.

Deborah
November 1st, 2010, 10:26 AM
Your aunt just said "I liked it short." She said nothing about 'hating' it or even disliking it.

Wear it however you like it, up or down, around her and everyone else. You don't need to hide your hair from anyone.

Juli414
November 1st, 2010, 08:56 PM
The scissors thing when you were younger can go either way. I've seen little kids (boys as well as girls) with long hair that was well-kept, they had the sense to put it up when playing so it didn't get caught in bike chains or whipped by the wind. And I've seen kids, and adults, who didn't have said sense, so, like the song says, their hair was a fright. I've wanted to give the latter group trims, even cuts, just to get the horror out of the way. But it's not my place to do so, since they were relative strangers.