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View Full Version : "Is that gray hair I see? How old are you!"



tigerlily896
October 30th, 2010, 08:05 AM
So I have been growing my hair out because I would love to see my natural virgin hair. I so far have about 6 inches of shiney natural hair!
However, I seem to have inherited genes from my fathers side: prematurely gray hair.
Currently my hair is about 15-20% gray.

I have always had issues with confidence and sell esteem. I go back and forth with either loving my "salt and pepper"/gray streaks or feeling ugly about them. I know I would be really dissapointed in myself if I dyed it because that is inherently what I don't want to do.

Anyhow, my issue is this: when someone observes my gray hair and announces "Hey you have a gray there!" or " Oh my gosh, is that a gray I see? How old are you?" (I'm 27 btw), I never know what to say and end up getting embarrassed and self conscious. I was wondering if anyone had a witty remark in their arsenal that I could borrow?

I feel like that if I could just handle those awkward situations (there will be more as I'm growing out, I'm sure), then I can proceed to accepting my natural hair color completely.thank you in advance!

silverjen
October 30th, 2010, 08:17 AM
An enthusiastic "Yes, isn't it pretty?!?" might make some people think twice. Or, "Yes, and I earned it."

I know that in a lot of cultures personal questions aren't considered rude, but It would drive me crazy to be asked my age like that.

Good luck! And good for you for embracing your grays! I just started going significantly gray this summer, but at my age no one looks twice. :)

Madora
October 30th, 2010, 08:21 AM
If people mention that they see you've got a gray hair you can reply:

.."Thanks! I know". Ignore the question: "How old are you?" Your age is your business and no one else's.

I declare, people are insensitive when they see someone with a few grays in their hair. What difference does it make in the scheme of things? As long as your hair is healthy it doesn't matter.

If you feel unhappy with the grey showing, then you could color it...but then you'd have to keep on coloring it to keep up appearances. I don't know how deleterious that would be on your hair. Chemicals and dyes are anathema to me.

People at work remarked to me that they could see little silvery threads among my brunette color. Couldn't care less. I started graying at about 55 but wouldn't think of dyeing my hair (it was too long anyway).

Just remember, hair doesn't define a person. It's what's inside that counts!

Best wishes, Madora


..

Gabriel
October 30th, 2010, 08:33 AM
Depending on who said it and how would dictate my reaction. I pretty much can come up with snappy come backs on the spot (thanks little brother!).

I think your hair is lovely and I really like the way it looks, your greys are coming in naturally, delicately.

You can react in a lot of different ways, don't be embarrassed though! Anyone who has to announce what you obviously already know should be embarrassed. You can always do the "duh" look at them with a one shoulder lifted shrug and keep talking about whatever you were talking about so they get the hint that stating the obvious is pretty dumb. Adding in a momentarily arched eyebrow is an option here as well.

As if to say "really genius, I NEVER noticed that" without actually saying it.

Rolling your eyes without missing a beat in the conversation gets this across as well as indicating obvious (inside voice)remarks will not be replied to.

You could also nod sagely instead and with your head held very high and in all seriousness announce to their announcement, "Yes, I do have grey hair. It is a sign of great wisdom/ancient knowledge/something that is very respected in my culture" or some other intensely sounding thing all the while maintaining eye contact. Most folks will either then try to joke about it or nod and realize they overstepped the social politeness bounds and back off.

If my little brother said something about my grey hair I would probably say something jokingly, "Yeah remember when you threw the forks away and we had to look for them all over the house because we didn't know? That's what these grey hairs are from." OR I would gasp, overly dramatic and loudly ask, clutching my head "I have grey hair!!"

It just depends on the person and what your comfort level for handling it is. Just remember you have nothing to be embarrassed about at all. The person making the comment should be.

I do open my mouth and speak my inside thoughts out loud sometimes, every one does once in a while. It's just the amount of folks who feel they're entitled to let their mouths ramble all the time without regard to other folks feelings does annoy me.

hairobsessed1
October 30th, 2010, 08:36 AM
dont feel embarrassed- im 22 and i have some grey hairs - i think they look natural and beautiful

mellie
October 30th, 2010, 09:03 AM
It's not premature gray at all, it's quite normal to have grays at that age. Just a lot of people dye them so we don't see them. Tons of folks here started getting them as early as age 16, I did at age 19. I see them as a sign of adulthood.

I agree with Silverjen, I usually say something just like that "Yes, isn't it pretty?" Or "Yes, isn't it cool?"

And like Hairobssessed said, they are beautiful and natural! :cheer:

Demetrue
October 30th, 2010, 09:08 AM
From what I have read, Caucasian women start to develop gray hairs at age 34, + or - 9.6 years, so 25 is within the average timeframe to start to get grays, but most people cover them up. The average white woman is 50% gray by age 50, but again, most dye it, so we have a false sense of what is normal and natural for going silver.

ktani
October 30th, 2010, 09:41 AM
So I have been growing my hair out because I would love to see my natural virgin hair. I so far have about 6 inches of shiney natural hair!
However, I seem to have inherited genes from my fathers side: prematurely gray hair.
Currently my hair is about 15-20% gray.

I have always had issues with confidence and sell esteem. I go back and forth with either loving my "salt and pepper"/gray streaks or feeling ugly about them. I know I would be really dissapointed in myself if I dyed it because that is inherently what I don't want to do.

Anyhow, my issue is this: when someone observes my gray hair and announces "Hey you have a gray there!" or " Oh my gosh, is that a gray I see? How old are you?" (I'm 27 btw), I never know what to say and end up getting embarrassed and self conscious. I was wondering if anyone had a witty remark in their arsenal that I could borrow?

I feel like that if I could just handle those awkward situations (there will be more as I'm growing out, I'm sure), then I can proceed to accepting my natural hair color completely.thank you in advance!

Regardless of what you may decide to do or not do about your grey hair, you have the comments now.

There really is no easy way to deal with someone's rudeness, however unintentional. I think the comments are probably brought about by shock and curiosity because you look young, rather than meant to hurt you. You can always consider them a sort of compliment.

Instead of trying to figure out which comeback is going to be appropriate, it may just be simpler to smile and say "genetics" and then change the subject.

Bene
October 30th, 2010, 09:45 AM
I simply ignore those types of questions, mostly I'll smile and act as if I didn't hear it. I see it like this "If you're rude enough to ask a rude question, then I can be just as rude and not answer it"

YesitsReal
October 30th, 2010, 09:50 AM
I have a good friend who started going significantly gray around 16. I think it can be very striking on a younger person. He colored it once, and it just didn't look as good. Do what you like, but I think it looks super cool. :D

teela1978
October 30th, 2010, 10:03 AM
Its tough. At 26, after growing out dye to chin-length and trimming off all but my natural color, an "oh my god, you have gray hairs!" comment sent me straight back to dye. You kinda have to choose in your head. Do you want your natural hair color, greys and all, or do you want to be stuck dying your hair every couple of months... its not an easy choice. I'm currently at a point where I hate dying my hair a lot more than I hate my grays. That may not always be the case, and that's okay.

Personally, I now respond to "wow, you've got a lot of grays!" with "yup." "How old are you?" has thus far always been answered with my true age. I don't see the issue with letting people know you're young and have gray streaks :shrug:

sibiryachka
October 30th, 2010, 10:21 AM
"I know; it means I'm finally ripe!" ;)

jane53
October 30th, 2010, 10:24 AM
A lot of good answers here!

I have the opposite problem; I have some gray hair and I'm 57, so I "earned" it (not that everyone's grays aren't earned!!!), but people don't see it--which is sorta nice, but then they assume I'm dying my hair. Dying a yard of hair??? NOT!!!

For some reason, my mixture of light brown, dark blond, and medium brown hair hides the grays and whites. They look like they're just the lighter part of my naturally multicolored hair. (See signature photo; maybe you can see the whites and grays, or maybe it looks like light brown/dark blond hair....)

People tend not to ask my age, but I volunteer it honestly when it comes up and it's appropriate because I much prefer being openly 57 when people think I look 45 or younger.

kittensoupnrice
October 30th, 2010, 10:47 AM
My sister and I call them our "silver highlights". :)

I usually blame them on whoever is making the comment. The coworkers don't usually comment anymore, since I usually have my hair up and they can't see them.
My mom just laughs when I tell her she's giving me gray hairs. :p

jane53
October 30th, 2010, 10:50 AM
My sister and I call them our "silver highlights". :)

I usually blame them on whoever is making the comment. The coworkers don't usually comment anymore, since I usually have my hair up and they can't see them.
My mom just laughs when I tell her she's giving me gray hairs. :p

The stylist who trims my hair--she has tailbone length hair--calls them "nature's highlights." And I guess with my combo-colored natural hair, they might look like highlights.

Caldonia Sun
October 30th, 2010, 10:54 AM
There are several places in the Bible that equate grey hair with wisdom. You could tell others that you are wise and that is the evidence (or something to that effect.)

Speckla
October 30th, 2010, 01:21 PM
I gasp and say, "Where?" Go run off and look in the mirror and come back and say, "I didn't see any show me again?" and repeat until the person goes away. Or you're committed. :)

DavidN
October 30th, 2010, 01:34 PM
Silver hair is beautiful, and those first "natural highlights" are something to be cherished! Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise, and ignore those naysayers!

tigr
October 30th, 2010, 01:52 PM
Here are my suggestions:
- "Yes! Aren't they pretty?"
- "I call them my sparklies."
- "It's the economy."
- (said with a bored expression) "Yes, but dying is *such* a waste of time."

boomtownrat
October 30th, 2010, 02:08 PM
I've gotten that kind of response a lot any time my virgin hair has been visible (I did dye my hair on and off for over 21 years, for fun rather than to cover silvers). No one could miss my head full of silver now, at age 37, but I was 14 the first time someone pointed out a silver hair on my head, so for well over half my life it's been noticeable. It doesn't bother me anymore and in fact I will often volunteer my age, because I think the silver is pretty and I don't think it ages me -- the comment I get most often is that I look far too young to have any grey hair. I'm proud of my silvers. The only time I've gotten a remark that bothered me me is when one of my brothers said that I couldn't possibly have "earned" the grey hair. What does that mean, and who is he to be the judge of that? Ugh. I often find people staring, but I'm used to that from years of dressing in punky-goth clothes. Once in a while people will be passive-aggressive and say things like, "Do YOU like it?" Well, if I didn't I would change it, wouldn't I?

Anyway, as for how to respond, I like the suggestion that you turn it around on the person making the comment and say you have the grey hair because they gave it to you. :D You could simply tell them it's your tinsel, or if you really want to stop the questions, just say you're allergic to hair dye. Whether that's true or not is none of their business. ;)

mellie
October 30th, 2010, 02:26 PM
Personally, I now respond to "wow, you've got a lot of grays!" with "yup." "How old are you?" has thus far always been answered with my true age. I don't see the issue with letting people know you're young and have gray streaks

I totally agree, Teela!! :cheer:

And the more and more that people do answer truthfully, the more that other people will realize that it's OK and perfectly normal!

GRU
October 30th, 2010, 02:32 PM
I started getting a section of gray hair on my right temple when I was 14yo. I *just* started covering my gray with henna last year, but only because I looked like Paulie Walnuts (http://images.forbes.com/media/2007/05/30/sopranos_5.jpg) from The Sopranos because so much of the gray was concentrated at my temples.

boomtownrat
October 30th, 2010, 02:33 PM
I totally agree, Teela!! :cheer:

And the more and more that people do answer truthfully, the more that other people will realize that it's OK and perfectly normal!

That's true, but if somebody is uncomfortable with it or finds it rude, the snappy comebacks are a nice way to answer until they get comfortable with it. :)

Maverick494
October 30th, 2010, 02:37 PM
If someone makes such a not-so-subtle comment again, I would go theatrical. Smile. "Cool huh? Just got them done at the hairdresser. It's the newest trend. Silver balayage. Looks natural, doesn't it? All the celebrities do it. Don't you keep up with that stuff?" Just see how many will fall for it. It may surprise you.

Toadstool
October 30th, 2010, 02:39 PM
"Is that a lack of manners I hear?"

VintageBrooklyn
October 30th, 2010, 07:23 PM
I just have to write something here! I just turned 29 years old and I started going gray in my early teens. I have no idea what percentage of silver I have but I have an album in my profile with photo's if you would like to see (I have quite a bit of gray!).

So I have always been self conscious of them as people have commented on them in the past if I had regrowth, asking how old I was, or just acting shocked that I had any gray. You know what changed everything for me? I joined LHC and read the Renegrays thread almost from start to finish and that was it, I grew confidence and decided to embrace them and let them just grow out and shine! I also read a couple books that really helped me decide what to do, you will find them if you search 'Going Gray', those two books and the Renegray (salt & Pepper) thread are what made me decide to ignore peoples comments and feel confident to be natural and different. I think it is very unique for us to have grays in our twenties! Besides, isn't it kind of fun to confuse people about our age! He he! Besides, I have since met other fellow young women who have commented on my silver growth so far and told me they have grays too but dye over them, so it is more common than you would think, everyone else just hides them with haircolour!

Whenever I need inspiration if I feel down or weird about seeing so many grays in my hair, I just look up pictures of the ladies on here with silver hair and if I see a woman with silvers in the street or shopping, I just think how beautiful it looks, so soft and natural looking. I hope you take no notice about peoples comments, silver hair is so beautiful and so unique on us considering how young we are. I think it's kind of cool and different so I hope you leave them be and keep growing them because silver hair really is special! :)

rusika1
October 30th, 2010, 08:34 PM
I have a coworker who refers to gray hairs as wisdom stripes.:D

tigerlily896
October 31st, 2010, 07:34 AM
Wow! What fabulous responses all of you had and what encouragement! You all have inspired me to be proud of the extra sparkles in my hair, to not feel ugly but dare I say sexy and unique!

Thank you all so much for your insights, advice and compassion.

mellie
October 31st, 2010, 07:42 AM
Yay! That's awesome, Tigerlily896!! Would you like to join us and become an official Renegray? :cheer:

mrs_coffee
October 31st, 2010, 07:58 AM
Anyhow, my issue is this: when someone observes my gray hair and announces "Hey you have a gray there!" or " Oh my gosh, is that a gray I see?

My response would be a smile and an excited "Yeah, aren't they cool? I love them!"

How old are you? "None of your business."

Sarahmoon
October 31st, 2010, 10:28 AM
"It's silver."

"Yes it is. Is that (insert person's hair colour) there I see?"

"Yes it shows my wisdom."

Or just ask them two completely unrelated questions like "Oh my gosh is that a brown hair I see? Do you eat spaghetti very often?"

danacc
October 31st, 2010, 12:53 PM
As others have said:
- Yes, aren't they pretty? (or sparkly or divine)
- Yes, I get my highlights for free! (I'm so lucky!)

You can ignore the age question by using one of the responses above, or just answer honestly.

Another poster said something about dying in gray being the latest rage. There are young folks who want and get an approximation of silver hair by bleaching and dying. I think large amounts of silver coupled with a youthful face is quite striking.

tigr
November 2nd, 2010, 08:26 PM
Or just ask them two completely unrelated questions like "Oh my gosh is that a brown hair I see? Do you eat spaghetti very often?"

:rollin:

Love this!

Demetrue
November 2nd, 2010, 09:42 PM
hmmm - I'm thinking of a response ... How about "how old are you?" "Old enough to vote!"

daddyzprincess
November 2nd, 2010, 11:40 PM
I know exactly how you feel; I'm 16 and I already have gray hairs peeking through. Fortunately my hair is thick, so ppl rarely catch a glance, but when they do, I just laugh it off.

My sister is 29 and she has a lot of gray hair, but personally I think it looks really pretty b/c it looks like it's been streaked. (a lot of ppl ask her if she streaks it).

JulietCapulet
November 3rd, 2010, 01:41 AM
If it really bothers could you put henna in? I'm sorry if you feel bad. I know I have a very hard time with the idea of greying hair and I plan to dye it when it comes to that point.

DARKMARTIAN
November 3rd, 2010, 01:45 AM
Ive had gray hairs for years now. Im 36 btw. I first noticed a hair or two on the sides of my head and eventually they got more and more prominent. And being a guy I also have facial hair so when I look in the mrror I see the grays there as well. On my chin I have what would amount to a silver streak in the middle. So basically if I were to grow a full beard....it would be near black with a long grey stripe down the middle.

I honestly cannot say for sure....but it would seem to me that the male gender might, as a general rule, tend to be more accepting of the fact that the grays are making an appearance.

I for one welcome them because when it gets a bit more prominent ill have a couple of really cool stripes on either side and I think thats going to look pretty groovy.

Im not quite sure what I would say in response to the question though.....

I suppose if it was referring to my grays I might say something like "Old enough to make you ask"...or something like that.

But here is a pic , albeit a bad one, of those "side of the head" grays i mentioned..

http://i1230.photobucket.com/albums/ee482/THE_MARTIAN666/Picture1224-1.jpg

mellie
November 3rd, 2010, 02:15 AM
DarkMartian, your silvers are so cool! I love how they shine amongst the dark hair! :cheer:

DARKMARTIAN
November 3rd, 2010, 03:05 AM
DarkMartian, your silvers are so cool! I love how they shine amongst the dark hair! :cheer:

Thank you, my fearless leader ;)

Sooze
November 3rd, 2010, 06:47 AM
Tigerlily, sometimes people are young, or thoughtless, or distracted. Sometimes they're just downright rude.

I encountered someone who I used to view as a friend, but hadn't seen in a long time. They greeted me with: "Hello - look at you! You look - shorter and - wider - somehow..... or maybe it's just your hair....." :o

Whilst normally I always try to make allowances for people, I just couldn't help myself responding "How rude!"

Sometimes, you've gotta tell it like it is if they insist on doing it that way. :slap:

mellie
November 3rd, 2010, 08:01 AM
Actually, now I don't even see it as rudeness..I hear: "Are those diamonds?? Wow, how old are you?" :D

lilalong
November 3rd, 2010, 08:13 AM
I have a colleague who is in her mid-twenties and she is maybe 50% gray. It looks absolutely awesome and very striking.