View Full Version : in need of encouragement

May 29th, 2008, 12:00 AM
I'm kinda nervous to post this but I think it will make me feel better. Ive had to deal with a few mental problems in my life. And one that I just cannot get over is this issue with my hair. let me explain...iam 17, but in my head, I feel like i'm going to die in a few years. i feel like life is almost over, so what's the point of growing out my hair? Im going to die soon anyways, I might as well just keep it short. I just cannot stop thinking that I'm not going to die soon. It is just implanted in my head. now is the perfect time to grow out my hair. I got alot of damaged hair chopped off. my hair is to my shoulders and extrememly healthy, but i'm afraid my dumb brain will make me go get it cut. Thanks for any encouraging comments. :]

May 29th, 2008, 12:41 AM
I figure whatever outcome happens, the "Why not keep it short?" argument can just as easily be transformed to become "Why not grow it out?" If you might as well keep it short, then you might as well grow it out. At TLHC we'll be nothing but utterly supportive of you in terms of hair and in terms of emotions. Regarding your brain possibly wanting to cut your hair short well if you do want to grow it out then it's just a matter of leaping over that first hurdle. It's easier to keep leaping over the haircutting hurdles once you know you can. :) I'd say give it a whirl!

Riot Crrl
May 29th, 2008, 12:42 AM
Oh honey. I felt the same way when I was your age and actually much younger. I grew up around people who told me the nuclear holocaust was coming any minute, and I believed them. I didn't think I would live to see adulthood. I'm now 20 years older than you and a contributing member of society, so there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Your hair is the least of your worries. Just put it in a scrunchy or clip and forget about it.

Please talk to people you know and trust about these feelings that you are having.

May 29th, 2008, 12:53 AM
When I was 17 I couldn't even imagine being as old as I am now! If this was really your last chance to grow, are you sure you'd want to miss it?

May 29th, 2008, 01:04 AM
Jengirl, it's a sign that your childhood is over. Sorry if this sounds patronizing, I mean it as just the opposite. The feeling of having only a certain span of life, no matter whether short or long, is part of the human condition. Nobody knows what's in store for him/her. We all have to make the best of the years we have in this life.

So use your talents and potential (I feel that talents are obligations), build meaningful relationships with people. honor yourself and those around you. Part of honoring yourself and feeling good about yourself is doing what is right for you with your looks. No matter for how long.

Each of us might be diagnosed with a disease that makes his hair fall out (God forbid). Nobody on this earth has a guarantee certificate for luck and life. We all live on thin ice, believe me, and we all feel it.

It's what makes growing up so difficult, this feeling that fate won't make special arrangements for us. But it's part of the challenge of being a good human being in spite of it. Standing before the abyss and not losing one's trust in the ground.

So considering your hair: if you want it long, grow it long. If it gives you the itches to try and cut it, go ahead and cut it. It will grow, as long we live, hair is one of the most hopeful metaphors of our physical body. It will grow back, it is forgiving. Pounds pile up, wrinkles won't disappear, but hair will always grow back.

There is an old saying by a wise Jewish rabbi who said: the whole world is a narrow bridge, but the main thing is not to fear. It's been made into a song, too. Just walk on the narrow bridge and don't fear. You are not alone on that bridge.

May 29th, 2008, 02:27 AM
wonderful advice, Melisande.

I remember being 17 and living in terror of what people thought of me. Add to that the nuclear holocaust fear (which had lessened by that time) and my general high-strung-ness, and I was a mess. I remember thinking I wouldn't live to grow old, either, and spent lots of time fantasizing about my own funeral.

At 17, I was so full of sorrow, trauma, and hate, and I wish someone had told me what you're being told here. When I left for college another world - one of my own choosing - suddenly began to unfold in front of me. It's taken me at least 15 years to get over the trauma of high school unpopularity, a raging mother, suburbia, etc. Your feelings are NORMAL!

My mom always says "humans have always muddled through" meaning, no matter what happens, we'll get by somehow or another. While global conditions are indeed serious, and many problems occurring on a scope that has never been seen before, we will survive, I think...or we won't, and then it doesn't matter.

If you want to grow your hair long, grow it long! Your hair is for YOU to enjoy; it should make you happy.

Please do talk to someone you trust who will listen to you - religious leader, aunt, teacher, neighbor, boss...and get some advice. :flowers:


May 29th, 2008, 04:06 AM
I have no great advice to give. I do want to say that the others who have posted on here are right on with what they said. You are very brave in stating your feelings. Take into consideration what everyone has said. I'm sure you will get through these feelings. It will be OK. Maybe look at your hair as something you can treasure each day. Growing it can be fun. Like someone said if you feel after you're growing it you want to cut it then it's OK. Enjoy each step. I have been on this forum for years and everyone on here is kind and caring. Please do share whenever you want. I hope you will be feeling better soon!!!

May 29th, 2008, 04:51 AM
I felt the same way at your age, too. Some people feel invincible at your age (or any age!) and some people feel so fragile and completely mortal. Take it one day at at time and enjoy where you are. Things will get better! *hugs*
If you want, try to do something fun with your hair, whether it is longer or shorter. Just enjoy yourself!!

May 29th, 2008, 05:41 AM
Jengirl, I know what's that feeling very well. I've had too at that age, although it's still lingering sometimes. Grow your hair, enjoy in it's healthy beautuful condition, or do fun stuff to it, anything.
But please, try to talk to someone about those feelings. You got some very good advice here, but still you have to hear advice from someone in close phisycal contact.

May 29th, 2008, 05:50 AM
I do have to say that I've read some great advice above. :) My only addition to it is live every day to the fullest and enjoy every minute. I love having my hair long and so it adds to the enjoyment of my day. Growing it out further gives me more pleasure. So at this point I feel that even if I was to just suddenly pass on, I would have enjoyed many parts of my life and that makes it all worthwhile.

If you're enjoying your hair's growth and seeing it nice and healthy now, then keep going with it. :)

May 29th, 2008, 07:12 AM
I never though i'd make it to my age now. Honestly I though I would die in my early twenties. I suggest you talk to someone about your feelings. I think of it this way. If I knew for certain I only had a few years to live watching my hair growing be my ultimate pleasure.

May 29th, 2008, 08:23 AM
I've heard that hair keeps growing even after you die so no matter what I know I'll get to my goal of hair length, and it'll be healthy!

Now I'm not sure why the length of your hair would matter if your going to die sooner or latter, in my family we grow our hair because we love it. NO ONE knows when they will die, but you can't stop living because you think that tomorrow will be the day you do, if that was the case, then no one would get a thing done.

I'm 19 and at 14 I thought I would die, and two years ago I thought I would never walk. Self doubt is something we all live with, it's just the way you wish to face it. I'm still alive and I can walk, run and swim with out difficulty, and that's all thanks to me and what I wanted to achieve. Get done what you want to get done and if you live or die and least you'll be doing it with a goal in mind.

May 29th, 2008, 11:50 AM
I've always had feelings like that - still do. That's one of the reasons I am growing my hair out now, while I still can. Embrace the good times and make the most of them. Dreading the bad times ruins the good times, so don't do it. These days, every time my mental train starts down a dark track leading to despair, I de-rail it with something happy -- like planning my next vacation or remembering the last one. I love vacation.

May 29th, 2008, 12:06 PM
All the good advice about talking to somebody is very important. :)

Also, you might trick your brain into thinking, well, if I don't know how long I'm going to be around, I should make sure I have the kind of hair I want for as long as I've got. If that's long hair, then grow! :)

Riot Crrl
May 29th, 2008, 03:26 PM
I've heard that hair keeps growing even after you die

Heh, I heard some debunking of that which said it only appeared to because of "skin shrinkage" or something like that. I have no idea which one is actually true.

I'm probably going to get cremated. Maybe I should will my hair to Pantene so it doesn't just burn up.