Warning: TMI ahead!!

[Hana212]

So.. this is a bit of an odd subject to bring up but its been stressing me out. Since joining LHC I have been super careful with my hair. I have had terrible luck with a bad dye job by a silly hairdresser and it is very fragile at the moment and breaks off very easily.
Now - my question is... DBF really loves to grab and pull on my hair during our "special time" :crush:- TBH I like it too.. but for the past month i have been so worried about this causing breakages, tangles etc. that I won't let him touch my hair! (especially if I've just spent ages braiding it to sleep it, I don't want him to mess it up!)
This is causing DBF to get really annoyed at me :steam: and my hair and how 'over'obsessed I am with it...

Do you think that if he grabs/pulls on my hair will cause much damage? Or should it be ok? :shrug:

[smara]

I have the same problem! In my case, it's worse because I have alopecia, so while I do have BSL hair (baby fine and so thin), I also have a couple of bald spots and a more or less see through scalp, so I use a lot of Toppik (keratin hair fibres that you can spray on your temple to give them faux-thickness). Now, when my DBF is, er, in his element :), he likes to pull my hair - hard! Now, not only does it hurt because I already have thin hair, he also gets toppik fibres on his hands! How gross is that!

I can tell him, don't pull, it hurts... but that hurts his ego. Catch 22 much?

[Hana212]

oh Smara that made me giggle!! Whenever DBF gets carried away and pulls to hard, if I say anything it ruins the moment :( - we now use the tap out method as things can get a little rough ;)
Wow I've never heard of Toppik! Does it wash out? That's a very interesting concept!

[ktani]

Without going into details, if your DH grabs hair sections and pulls, no, I do not think he will cause much if any damage. It depends on if he is raking his fingers through your hair, which you did not say he was doing.

[Bast]

A little pulling is okay. He isn't hanging you up by your hair, is he? Before coming here, your hair wasn't falling out by the gobs, no?

And hey, if you like it too...:eyebrows:

DBF will actually pull out the scrunchie that I use to hold my hair back, I think he likes my hair loose so that he can grab at it. I let him, the pulling isn't tearing hair out, it does feel kinda nice.

Of course, you could always put in a lot of oil so that it feels funny to grab, too...

[Bene]

I very vaguely mentioned this topic to a male party. His advice:

"She can tell her man what's up. The hair is fragile now, but she's working on making it healthy. Communicate! He should understand that it's not forever and when she gets her stuff right, they can take it slow and work from there. *Edit: Exceeds PG13 site rating


Sage advice from a man who understands how women are about their hair. I'm not sure how a man who isn't so sensitive to hair woes. But I do agree on the communicate and compromise. And, a little light tugging once in a while shouldn't be a problem.

[christine1989]

It should be alright as long as you don't see peices falling out.

[RadiantNeedle]

I very vaguely mentioned this topic to a male party. His advice:

"She can tell her man what's up. The hair is fragile now, but she's working on making it healthy. Communicate! He should understand that it's not forever and when she gets her stuff right, they can take it slow and work from there. *Edit: Exceeds PG13 site rating


Sage advice from a man who understands how women are about their hair. I'm not sure how a man who isn't so sensitive to hair woes. But I do agree on the communicate and compromise. And, a little light tugging once in a while shouldn't be a problem.

Okay, bolded for the part that made me nearly spit chai on myself! :D
Eeehehee!
Ehem!

So, I've got a similar issue as well. The hair pulling is awesome. At least, it was up until my hair started falling out at the root due to other things until I started seeing small circular bald patches and scalp.
So, these days I'm afraid the hair pulling is a no go because I CAN'T like it anymore because the first thing that pops into my head is "Oh no! My hair will come out!"
Is that true? I don't even know. I'm too frazzled about the idea to actually find out. Frazzled enough that the hair pulling is now a turn off, which is pretty sad.

I'd say compromise and find alternatives. I'd suggest a whole bunch, but I'm afraid I'd be pushing it with the board rating!

[Hana212]

Without going into details, if your DH grabs hair sections and pulls, no, I do not think he will cause much if any damage. It depends on if he is raking his fingers through your hair, which you did not say he was doing.

No he doesn't run his fingers through my hair.. he just sort of grabs a big chunk and scrunches it up in his hand? then pulls... does that make sense? I would take a photo to explain it but ahh that may really be too much information!


A little pulling is okay. He isn't hanging you up by your hair, is he? Before coming here, your hair wasn't falling out by the gobs, no?

And hey, if you like it too...:eyebrows:

DBF will actually pull out the scrunchie that I use to hold my hair back, I think he likes my hair loose so that he can grab at it. I let him, the pulling isn't tearing hair out, it does feel kinda nice.

Of course, you could always put in a lot of oil so that it feels funny to grab, too...


Yeah DBF looovvveeesss my hair out (and long) and is hating me trying all these new buns and braids haha...
Lol, if I put oil in it he would freak out!

[McFearless]

Its your hair and if you have a problem with it right now he should respect that. I don't think the average male really understands breakage and the whole bit but good luck. Im currently dealing with damage thanks to a dye allergy.

[Hana212]

Its your hair and if you have a problem with it right now he should respect that. I don't think the average male really understands breakage and the whole bit but good luck. Im currently dealing with damage thanks to a dye allergy.

But I liiikkkeee it :P When its wet I wont let him touch it.. and he gets all pouty which is actually kinda cute...
A dye allergy!! My goodness what happened!?!

[Roseate]

How about a little pulling while it's braided?

Not to get TMI on my end too, but braids protect individual strands from snagging and breaking, and make great "handles"...:eyebrows:

[cybernetica]

Just be honest and he should understand!
I know I had to "train" my bf on how to handle my hair and that's from playing, brushing and bedroom fun! Guess I'm lucky mine just holds it out of the way if its hanging in his face lol. He says he dose it so he can see my face, but I think its cause it tickles him :P

[RadiantNeedle]

If you have concerns because of damage and need to baby your hair, the situation is no different from having an injured body part that he needs to leave the heck alone, no matter how much he likes playing with it!

[orbiting]

Luckily, I married a long hair, so he understands!

The tangles are what make me pout - but he'll usually comb them out for me.

This thread has certainly given me the giggles... but I do hope you find a compromise until your hair is stronger. Tell him you're growing it out for him, so he has more to... uhh.. hold on to :D That might work?

[McFearless]

But I liiikkkeee it :P When its wet I wont let him touch it.. and he gets all pouty which is actually kinda cute...
A dye allergy!! My goodness what happened!?!

Hehe I meant while you're going through a breakage problem. Hair over sexytimes! haha.

Yeah I had a weird allergic reaction to a salon dye and my scalp is shedding as well as my hair. My progress has gone down the drain:(

[Hana212]

How about a little pulling while it's braided?

Not to get TMI on my end too, but braids protect individual strands from snagging and breaking, and make great "handles"...:eyebrows:

hehe.. handles are a great idea although I know he does love my hair all out


If you have concerns because of damage and need to baby your hair, the situation is no different from having an injured body part that he needs to leave the heck alone, no matter how much he likes playing with it!

That may be a good way to explain it to DBF until my hair grows out a bit more, and is a bit healthier..


Luckily, I married a long hair, so he understands!

The tangles are what make me pout - but he'll usually comb them out for me.

This thread has certainly given me the giggles... but I do hope you find a compromise until your hair is stronger. Tell him you're growing it out for him, so he has more to... uhh.. hold on to :D That might work?

I shall do that :P

[ilovelonghair]

How about a little pulling while it's braided?

Not to get TMI on my end too, but braids protect individual strands from snagging and breaking, and make great "handles"...:eyebrows:

I can't even believe I'm posting in this thread :o. Anyway, I noticed that a braid or braids do tend to pull out baby hairs, I'm thinking how to explain? If a braid gets pulled accidentally into the wrong direction, lets say the braid was braided downwards as they mostly are and gets pulled backwards or upwards, sidewards etc, the nape hairs break off.
So my experience is that hair should be loose and collected at the back of the head tightly (just by hand, not elastic of course) in a ponytail and pulled, otherwise hair breaks off. Does that make sense?

I feel like a weirdo now LOL :o But hey; it's good for hair growth!

[Flaxen]

Just a quick reminder that the rating of this site is PG13. Please keep descriptions of actual intimacy withing that rating. :)

[sibiryachka]

I second the braids suggestion. Ask me how I know:eyebrows:

[LouLaLa]

Hmm I think its ok so long as its a big chunk.

But I must say without offending that I think him saying "it ruins the moment" if you say it hurts if he tugs too hard and he thinks youre "obsessed with it" when he knows all your hair woes (I read your other threads last time and it sounded like your hair needed TLC) that he is being a bit mean.

Relationships are about compromise and he should take those feelings on board just as much as you are taking into account things that he likes.

Maybe it just sounds like he is being more sulky that he really is from the way youve phrased it and really its ok, but I think he is being a bit sulky especially when at the end of the day your hair matters to you and it sounds like its been through the wars recently.

Id be annoyed if my bf said things like that to me, as id feel disrespected as my hair matters to me, in any context, if he knew id been having woes with my hair, but we all see things differently.