View Full Version : Givin' up

October 26th, 2010, 11:44 PM

Well, folks.

I've been on here forever and ever. And ever. Did I mention "forever"?

And I just can never get past about 23" before I'm hating the tiny skinny strands and cutting them, thinking I'll just "start fresh."

I did a big chop last night. I don't know how long my hair is now (in inches) but it lies in the front about 3" below my collarbone.

I think I've figured something out. I think I want long-ish (by society's standards) hair...but *actually* long hair (say, BSL or longer) is just not for me. :(

I've always thought I've wanted it. Yet when I've gotten it, I've HATED it. It didn't transform me into this beautiful being. I wasn't uber-fulfilled. It would just look thinner and thinner on the way down. It never felt fulfilling to finger-comb or otherwise take care of my longer hair. It just felt like fragile spiderwebs ready to come apart at any moment.

So...I'm giving up. It's not a tragedy...but I thought I'd let peeps here know. I'm going to keep my long bangs and grow the bottom about 2" from here and just keep it at that length (somewhere around APL).

I like the *look* of long hair. I like the *idea* of long hair. But on me...the look is terrible and pathetic and when I put it up in buns, it disappears into tinyness no matter how "fleshed out" I try to make the bun (the exception being a few I've made VERY loosely that fell out three minutes after I took the picture).

I'm just not really a long-hair. :( Please don't any of my friends on here be disappointed in me. I very much admire long hair. But it will never be for me because of the quality of my hair and because of just...me.



October 26th, 2010, 11:59 PM
Want to know what I think ? I think it probably looks healthy and beautiful. The length you are speaking of is one of my very favorite lengths on me. It's versatile, fun and still long by normal standards. I congratulate you ! Enjoy the new length and the fresh perfect ends :)

October 27th, 2010, 12:01 AM
How could anyone be disappointed in you? You have a right to figure out what works for youand what doesn't. APL is till long. I have figured it out today when I saw how much I still have to grow to get there lol. And you can still take care of it well and have fun with it. You stil belong.

And I still think your hair is beautiful.

P.S. I will put my picture up if you do yours lol

October 27th, 2010, 12:54 AM
:flower: You shouldn't be feeling guilty about it! That length is a versatile length to be in. You can still dress it up with braids, French twists, sock buns, and Gibson tucks etc and yet it can still be worn down often without you having to worry about it getting caught. And you've kept yours in such good condition that you should really be proud of how healthy and shiny it looks! I'm envious :D

October 27th, 2010, 01:44 AM
You've got the right to be yourself no matter what anyone else thinks. No apologies necessary. :)

October 27th, 2010, 02:17 AM
You shouldn't be feeling guilty about it. At least you tried so you know what you prefer. I'm glad you are happy with your new length :)

October 27th, 2010, 02:48 AM
If you are happy with your hair, we are happy for you:flowers:. But, even if you don't feel that you are a true longhair, that won't stop you from still coming here, will it ?

October 27th, 2010, 02:59 AM
We're not disappointed in you at all! I know I'm certainly not.

What I love about LHC is that it is so much more than just a community of long haired people. Its a place where all sorts of people from all kinds of backgrounds and cultures and walks of life can get together to share different ideas and perspectives. I have enjoyed reading many of your posts GlennaGirl, actually most of the ones from you that I like are totally non-hair related. You have given me a lot of support when I was going thro my own personal issues last year and you were very kind and helpful sharing your insight.

P.S., I think your hair was wonderful the way it was. I have seen many other members with fine, thin hair that looks great long. I know, I've very guilty of this too but I think people would be much happier if they stopped wanting what they don't have. Just because your hair may not be as thick and full as someone else's doesn't mean that you don't look attractive with long hair.

Enjoy your new cut! The great thing about hair is that it grows back.

October 27th, 2010, 03:03 AM

I know this is the LHC, but that's only 'cause it's shorter than "the forum for people to be able to grow whatever length healthy hair they want regardless of pointless social rules and pressure to go support the professional haircare industry financially."

I looked at your album and your hair looks shiny and healthy and your updos are smooth. If they work better for you at shoulderblade length, so what? I don't see why this means you can't hang out and swap haircare tips and post fork pictures.

October 27th, 2010, 03:11 AM
As you say, three inches below collarbone is what most people would consider long.
You sound kind of sad and guilty in your post. You have done nothing wrong! You are a very attractive woman and you have the right to have your hair any length you choose.:)

October 27th, 2010, 04:16 AM
GlennaGirl, the only thing that makes me sad is that you put the "embarrassed smiley" at the top of your post and that you would think you've let any of us down. You could never let us down by choosing a different goal length.

I always have believed that this community was all about finding the goal that's right for each individual and finding the best ways to achieve it in the healthiest way possible within one's own parameters and getting the knowledge to do so.

As for the term "long hair", it's a relative term, and your hair is still long in real world terms.

I think your particular length is probably very pretty and flattering.

If you do ever decide to grow it longer, I suggest that you do regular small trims to keep the ends thicker. That's the only way I can seem to manage growing my hair any longer than APL and still have some sort of thickness to my ends. We have similar hair types, so I do know how you feel.

I have been reading your posts since the day I joined; you were one of the first people whom I learned to recognize here, and I've learned a lot from you, whether about hair or life in general. I hope you stick around. :blossom:

October 27th, 2010, 06:04 AM
I think you should just do whats good for you.
I see LHC as more than "extreme growing" its about caring for your hair, learning updo's, cheering people on and making friends. if it were just about growing it to the floor I dont think LHC would be the massive success it is.

There are members with amazing long hair and members starting out from buzz cuts, it really is for all.

Also on my journey, its not the length thats mattered to me, its been learning how not to fry my hair with dye, how to care for my hair type, being more confident with my own standard of beauty and not societies.

I think honey washes, sock buns, EVOO and SMT have been the most rewarding things ive learned here. And you dont need super long hair to enjoy doing any of that. Of course im very happy to see people realize their goal length or look at pretty long hair, but really its all about the individual.

Your hair is SO pretty in your siggy, healthy stong lucious hair like that is IMO nicer than it getting thin at the ends (it totally a preference thing so I dont want to offend anyone).

October 27th, 2010, 06:19 AM
That's still a lot longer than the point where I gave up! :)
:grouphug: Hair is meant to be something its wearer can enjoy, first and foremost. If you like your hair at the length it is now, that's all that matters.

October 27th, 2010, 06:26 AM
I agree that you shouldn’t feel embarrassed. You don’t disappoint anyone. I’m even sure you are your own worst critic here!

Maybe in reality you should feel happy that you found the length that makes you the happiest, or at least makes you obsess the least. I think for all of us, long hair is a compromise between length, quality and the number of up dos we can make. Some people just make it seem so damn easy! Super-humanly easy even but that doesn’t tell the full story

Hair doesn’t change who you are. We all think you’re beautiful inside out and having hair a foot longer or shorter doesn’t change anything about you. You are you and you still have a very unique head of hair

October 27th, 2010, 06:29 AM
There *is* a perfect hair legnth - the one that *you* like best on yourself. Do what makes you feel most beautiful and GlennaGirly. You are not here to decorate anybody's world but your own. I bet your hair looks lovely at the new legnth.

October 27th, 2010, 06:31 AM
Don't feel bad. APL is still long and you can do a lot of nice things with it that you can't at longer lengths. The main thing it to enjoy your hair and be happy with it.

October 27th, 2010, 07:04 AM
I'm having some of the same problems, and with the thyroid issues it does make it hard. I too chopped mine last night (much shorter than you!) so I know exactly how you feel. Please don't feel like you let anyone down. You just know where your hair looks best and where you like it.

I have always found your hair quite beautiful, btw! :flowers:

October 27th, 2010, 07:14 AM
We have a very similar hair type! It's funny that you mention getting stuck at 23 inches, because that's where I seem to get stuck too. I grow to a little past APL, get frustrated with how thin it looks, and chop back to collarbone. Because maybe then it will magically get thicker. :p

Now that I'm a tad longer (brushing BSL), I'm finding that my hair is laying a lot better and looking more full. Just something to keep in mind. :)

I'm growing to waist just to see how it looks, since it's never been that long before. If I don't like the results, I'm going to cut back to between collarbone and APL and maintain there. I know that my hair looks great at that length, and it's still long by most people's standards. No need to feel guilty or apologize to anyone!

October 27th, 2010, 07:40 AM
Hey Glenna Girl, collarbone length is *long*! It may not be magically, turns-me-into-a-princess long, but guess what I discovered - TBL is not that kind of long either!

You and I joined LHC almost at the same time, and I have learnt a lot from you since then. Just compare our post counts :silly: You are a wonderful member of our community and your hair is beautiful - and long.


October 27th, 2010, 07:45 AM
You sound just like me :) I have been in the grow-chop stage for over 10 years now. I love long hair on other people, but not on me. It sorta sucks! I am giving it another go though, not ready to give up yet...Good luck to you and your hair!

October 27th, 2010, 07:54 AM
I agree with Frannyg about the regular small trims; it does keep some thickness in the ends. Maintain your length wherever you feel best about it, and I'll love it, too.

October 27th, 2010, 08:06 AM
I thinks hair in each length can be very beautiful. :flower:

Is hair healthy like that is beautiful it.:)

Is hair broken sees it not beautifully out all the same whether briefly or long.:(

The wisdom from LHC as you your hair healthy received can take your no more person away.:)

October 27th, 2010, 08:09 AM
I saw the most beautiful saying on a sign by of all things a hair salon. It said "Beauty is being in harmony with yourself". I have not been a member here long enough to be giving advice on haircare, etc. as I am still learning myself. But it sounds like your new length is perhaps your own harmony with yourself. I hope your enjoy your new cut & style. I too enjoy reading your posts even though I don't know you very well.

October 27th, 2010, 08:19 AM
I think it's most important for you to enjoy your hair, and I am happy for you that you found a length that works well for you. I hope you don't leave! I enjoy your posts. :flower: :)

October 27th, 2010, 08:20 AM
You never need apologize, Glennagirl, and you can always count on our continued support all the way!

October 27th, 2010, 09:08 AM
You're still awesome, no matter what your hair length. :grouphug:

October 27th, 2010, 09:13 AM
((Ladies and gents)) I love you. A whole lot. :)

October 27th, 2010, 09:33 AM
Sounds like a nice length to me. :) And your hair looks super-healthy.

Honestly, I'll probably stop once my hair gets to that length (which it feels like it never will!). As everyone says, that does = long by non-LHC standards.

October 27th, 2010, 09:46 AM
I heartily agree with all those who say that it's wonderful you have realized the length that works best for you.

I also agree that length is very versatile.

Any length or style of hair that makes you feel confident and happy with your appearance is perfect!

October 27th, 2010, 09:48 AM
You're not giving up :) You still take care of your hair and make it healthy, and that's LHC !

October 27th, 2010, 09:54 AM
I saw the most beautiful saying on a sign by of all things a hair salon. It said "Beauty is being in harmony with yourself".

I really like this saying. If you feel beautiful, you will be beautiful...and true beauty isn't about hair, anyway. You are happy, we are happy! :)

October 27th, 2010, 10:39 AM
Glennagirl-first I want to say that your post could have been written by me.

In 2005, I wanted to grow my hair as long as it would grow-And besides coloring, I've been taking uber good care of my hair, like fine lace.
But whenever I get to below BSL, I hate it, too. The ends look so thin, and I have to wear it up all the time because It's windy where I live and it tangles so easily because it's so fine.But I don't WANT to wear it up all the time. I don't think updos are all that flattering on me. So I chop back to top of BS, then grow back, hate it, ect,cause it looks so thin.
I've recently been seriously considering going back to shoulder-length with side swept bangs. I just haven't done it yet because I want to make absolutley sure before I lose that much length, and give up[ on the dream. I think my hair looked great at that length(SL) and still much longer than most women my age.
Honestly I think I look best with SL-APL(not any shorter though)
and I can still do all the styles I do now, sock bun french twist, ect.
I did cut back to SL in 2007 but I haven't yet wanted to give up on the dream of WL hair so I've grown in back out.
I'm sure your new cut looks great and it's still long. We need to wear our hair in a way that makes us happy-that's what I've always believed.

Lady Mary
October 27th, 2010, 12:13 PM
:flower: I'm sure it still looks fabulous.

You have to do what is right for you, so don't feel bad. APL is a nice length to have, long enough to put up but short enough to still leave down or style. So, rock what you've got and love it!

October 27th, 2010, 01:07 PM
I know this is the LHC, but that's only 'cause it's shorter than "the forum for people to be able to grow whatever length healthy hair they want regardless of pointless social rules and pressure to go support the professional haircare industry financially."

This made me smile and giggle.....

Glenna, do what makes YOU happy.....HUGS!

October 27th, 2010, 01:17 PM
Heh. I dont see that you gave up; you changed goals, because you figured out the better length for your hair.

Maintain in good health, enjoy your hair, it's fine. :)

October 27th, 2010, 01:39 PM
***hugs***I have gone long and chopped twice. It's a cycle for me, I get to a point where I'm just bored and tired of the upkeep and do the big chop. I usually regret it immediately, but I find solace in throwing myself into taking care of my hair as it grows out again and going through each stage of "Can I call this ***". I enjoy the process.

October 27th, 2010, 01:51 PM
Stick with the length that suits you, keep it in good health. That's what it's all about.

Don't feel like you have to apologize! Because you don't have to apologize! As we all so love to say.....

YOU are not here to decorate OUR world! :blossom:

October 27th, 2010, 04:24 PM
It sounds as if you are experiencing what I am. I have been a member of this forum for a while now and most people on here would've been able to grow their hair to their bums by now. Yes it is longer than when I started here, but the extra inches are very thin and my buns also look pathetic in comparison to others.

My hair is very fine too, so I would have to get to considerable lengths to achieve styles that many on this board can get. It makes me feel sad.

I'd feel even sadder though if I cut it now. I really don't think my hair will get much longer.

I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. You did what you feel comfortable with.

Take care and I hope you stick around.

October 27th, 2010, 04:39 PM
Thank you so much for posting this. I can't tell you how encouraging it has been for me to read your post and all the positive responses.

For a few weeks I have been obsessive about reading everything here on LHC. My hair is about shoulder, it has been BSL a few times chopped to shoulder and back again to BSL. I am gonna try again for BSL or beyond. However, I fear that I will ultimately end up somewhere between APL and BSL. Once I get around BSL, I can't stand it. I love the length, and it is healthy but I can't stand how thin it is. A thick blunt hemline is more important to me than length.

I just had my quarterly micro trim and my stylist (a wonderful woman with TBL hair) heard all my concerns and offered me some advice I am gonna take. I will keep up on my quarterly micro trims and see how it goes. When it starts getting too thin, we will trim off a little more and see if we can thicken things up. We will keep at it for as long as it takes. She thinks that I can eventually get a BSL with a thick hemline and maybe even more! She has been my stylist for over a decade and the 2nd biggest fan of my hair (hubby is #1).

October 27th, 2010, 04:41 PM
Glenna - I looked at your hair album. Those could be pics of my own hair - it looks exactly the same... and I'm currently at the length you were before your cut. My buns are always loose and fall out. I can't use hairsticks cause they pull and my ficcare is the most useless tool in my arsenal. I can only braid my hair in a simple 3 strand and it MUST be wet to do any of this. It tangles horribly, it's fragile and thin.

And - This week I'm cutting it... shorter than you (just brushing my shoulders) and I feel such a sense of relief! So no - don't feel bad or embarrassed or any of that. If you love it, others will too. My DH loves long long hair, but he doesn't love me crying when I can't detangle my hair, or my growls and frowns when no matter how hard I try, I can't get my hair into anything but a ponytail. He just wants me happy... and so do I.

So, here's to us! And our awesome hair :D

October 27th, 2010, 05:22 PM
((Ladies and gents)) I love you. A whole lot. :)
I think it's clear that we all love you too. A whole lot. :flowers:

October 27th, 2010, 05:26 PM
I hope you are not planning on leaving LHC because you might never have superlong hair? You're a favorite member of mine.

I can relate as I've been having issues with shedding and thinning since right before I joined LHC. I'll never have hair longer than APL (where it is now) if I can't have thickish ends (which I did have not so long ago!).

I just spend a lot more time on the non-hair portions of the board. :)

October 27th, 2010, 05:34 PM
Hey, don't feel guilty :) You're still you, you're just doing what suits you better. And your hair is still long, you can still CO, have a lot of hair toys, wear a lot of droolworthy updos and have fun with it. Even better, you don't need to worry as much for tangles and getting hair caught in seat belts or car doors and stuff :)

October 27th, 2010, 07:51 PM
No reason to feel guilty! Beautiful hair is the hair you like, no matter how long :)

October 27th, 2010, 08:33 PM
Glennagirl, in the real world your hair is still on the long side. And from your pictures it looks very shiny and very healthy. To tell the truth, not everyone here is going to grow super-long hair.

October 27th, 2010, 08:44 PM
We have a similar hair type and I know where you are coming from. You definately should have the hair you love and love the hair you have. I have had my give up moments also.

You have some really nice pics in your photo album and I dont know exactly what sort of practices and routines you used, but just in case you decide down the road to give it another go, I have found some little things that made a big difference for my hair. I still have my straggly days, but its alot better now.

Please stick around. There are so many great people and threads on this forum.

October 27th, 2010, 11:51 PM
When I came to this site my hair was only a few inches long and believe me I was proud of my "long" hair way before it got below collarbone! If it makes you happy, its perfect for *you*.

October 28th, 2010, 05:39 AM
As a "barely-out-of-super-shortie," your hair still looks long to me! I can't WAIT til I can do that peacock twist!!

But I can definitely empathize with your situation. I think many of us fine-hairs long for a thick, blunt-hemmed head of hair that our hairtype will simply not allow us to have. Even when I was keeping my hair "long" by non-LHC standards, I'd get it to BSL, then chop it to about collarbone to thicken up the hemline. I've repeated that pattern for the last 20-30 years prior to the "big chop" of 2009. I'm gonna try one more time to grow it long (WL), hoping that the new hair care methods I've learned here will allow the ends to be thicker (or at least less scraggly looking), but I'm so glad that you posted this, so if that doesn't happen for me either, I'll know it won't be because I've done anything wrong.

And you certainly haven't done anything wrong by deciding you don't want hair down to your buttcrack! :D Congratulations on deciding what you really want! :flower:

October 28th, 2010, 05:53 AM
You're always going to be one of us :) . We're a community and d'you know what? Here it doesn't matter what length your hair is, as long as you make contributions to the discussion and judging by your post count I can guess that you've done that :)

October 28th, 2010, 07:16 AM
I agree about your hair still being long, how much you are admired and appreciated here, and that there is no disappointment with or in what you have done.

There are no rules here on length. Everyone here has their own goals and has to choose the length they are comfortable with.

I am now past waist length. I am going to chop off 2 inches easily and without regret. My hair looks fine this length. I am just not as comfortable with it as I thought I would be, and the decision is mine alone to make, as your chop was yours to make.

Not everyone can have their terminal length be what they desire. I never had a goal length. I simply wanted to grow my hair longer to see what it would be like (longer that it had been in a while). I did that and prefer to have my hair also be easier to continue to wear down most (99.9%), of the time.

I am glad to hear that you are pleased with your new length and can celebrate it. You are and will remain a part of this community at any hair length, and whether you stay or go and please, do not leave! You have contributed much here.

This is a community of like minded people with regard to wanting hair to be at its best, the healthiest ways possible (even when views clash on how to achieve that), not just a collection of members who have a certain hair length or goal.

October 28th, 2010, 07:27 AM
I agree with you, GlennaGirl! I love long hair on other people (men and women both) but for me once it gets past a certain length (mid-back), I don't feel like it's flattering or practical for me. Of course, as you mentioned, outside of LHC, that is still considered long, too! :-)

Wind Dragon
October 28th, 2010, 09:48 AM
Silly woman, you haven't "given up." The journey is ultimately about discovery, and you've found what works best for you. :flowers: