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Ludde
October 21st, 2010, 07:12 AM
My hair is doing fine - the parts that exist. The rolls thrive with oiling and no poo-ing and I'm very happy with them.

But.

There is no continued growth on parts of my head. Roots are dying. And it truly breaks my heart. I know, I know, i am both selfish and vain. My child is fighting a rough battle with a difficult disease and I whimper about going bald. Yet the health of my hair has been a needed reminder for me to take at least minimum care of myself and my own wellbeing between wake nights, hospital visits and the constant worry. My family, my friends, all says it wouldn't matter if all of my hair fell off - I would still be me. One friend said I should be grateful if all that marked me from these two years was baldness. I am sure she is right.

I can still try to cover it up but it is noticable enough now. Earlier I wanted to shave all hair off if the hairloss got bad, I often prefer to be radical rather than trying to hide things. Now I am not so sure; I have worked hard for the hair to grow. And I love the rolls.

I have an appointment with a doctor, to try to see if there is some way to stop this, but he was not very positive. This has been going on for a long period and nothing this far seems to have had an effect.

I would absolutely trade every roll on my scull for the prize of a healthy growing child, but as it is this is not the deal offered.

I'm sure I will cope. Like you do with things that happen. Life goes on.

But my heart weeps.

Dreams_in_Pink
October 21st, 2010, 07:19 AM
Lots of hugs! :(

I believe hair loss is very related to stress. It must be related to your child's disease and all the sorrow you've been through because of that. Hopefully your child will soon get better and then everything falls in place :)

rags
October 21st, 2010, 07:28 AM
I agree that hair loss can quite often be due to extreme stress, which you are certainly experiencing. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this on top of your child's illness. Having dealt with hair loss on top of my own illness (but not my child - I do know it's not truly comparable) I do know that it is heartbreaking.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Try to take as much care of you as you can, so that you can be there for your child. :grouphug:

aenflex
October 21st, 2010, 07:42 AM
Good for you for getting it out and realizing the real priority. Sometimes it does suck to think of yourself when you should be thinking of someone else. But you, it sounds like, are constantly thinking of someone else and perhaps not thinking of yourself enough, and you deserve these moments.
Stress could be the culprit here. It sounds completely opulent but maybe instead of (or after) the Dr. appointment you book a massage aptt or the like? Is that nuts? I guess maybe it is on one hand, with your child not being well. But if the child has all the care she/he needs, than why not let the parent have some too? Me time, they call it.

Unzadi
October 21st, 2010, 08:15 AM
:grouphug: I'm very very sorry you have to go through this. It is important to take care of yourself even when a loved one is ill, and it's not wrong or vain to feel what you're feeling. I pray that you and your child will have better days soon.

Messy Cook
October 21st, 2010, 08:28 AM
Dear Ludde,

In my opinion you are not vain or selfish at all.
You are still you, a woman with her own personality, her feelings, hopes and fears, despite the disease your child, and your family have to go through.

Years ago, someone told me:"Be aware, it can always get worse."
No matter in what situation you are in, when you think you are going through enough, it sometimes seems it is only getting worse.
Life is made of good experiences and bad ones.
There is no good without bad.

Sometimes the best is to accept, to let go of "I wish"-es and take step by step to work through it, since it is what it is.
Do what you feel: shave it all off or love the hair that is left...what makes you deal with it in the best way. For you.

Take care and I wish you strength and hope to get through this period in your life.

:blossom:

RitaPG
October 21st, 2010, 08:35 AM
It's not selfish to think about yourself for a while, it is in fact very important. If your own health and well-being are compromised, it means you may not be at your best and you need to be okay and feel well so that you can take good care of your child.

Yes, you should be grateful if "all that marked you from these two years was baldness". But that does not mean you should ignore it. So go ahead and take some free time to figure out what's going on with your hair and how can it be fixed.

I hope all goes well for both of you :flower:

tinti
October 21st, 2010, 08:52 AM
I'm so sory you have to go through this! :grouphug:
And I don't think it's selfish or vain to feel what you're feeling, it's absolutely understandable if you ask me. I don't have any ideas for you other than what's already been said, but I just wanted to say that I'm hoping and praying that you and your family will see better times soon
*hugs*

jojo
October 21st, 2010, 09:00 AM
(((bigs hugs))) sorry your going through this xxx

cubedcoley
October 21st, 2010, 09:10 AM
Hugs for you and feel supported during your trial:

He will swallow up death forever. The Almighty LORD will wipe away tears from every face, and he will remove the disgrace of his people from the whole earth. The LORD has spoken.
Isaiah 25:8

I imagine this means He will wipe away hidden tears in your heart as well. You are not alone.

Peggy E.
October 21st, 2010, 09:27 AM
Oh, sweetie, please know you are entitled to your feelings - all of them. Your hair is important to you, it is an outward symbol of the person within, and one which we have always believed we had a modicum of control over.

You are as locked into this battle for your child's life, as is your child. There can be nothing in this world as truly painful, frustrating and maddening as to stand by while your child suffers. We're here to protect them, to heal them, to keep them moving along the safe path to a fine adult future.

When our ability to do so fails us - at no fault of our own - we not only suffer the pain of our child's illness, but the failure we place upon ourselves as parents.

But we have no true control over such desperate health issues, whereas we do feel like we have some control over other factors of our lives, such as our hair. So when this, too, deserts us, it is a further indictment of our failure - and can also feel like a punishment for having let this child down.

We can rationally reason with ourselves that we have, indeed, done the best any parent could do. That our child is getting the best of care, that we need to shore up our own strength and energy. But there's so often that subconcious condemnation within us that keeps slapping us in the face, grabbing us by the shoulders and shaking us, that we can not escape.

The loss of your hair is the outward sign of this inner struggle, a culmination of the stress that is fueled by your sense of helplessness. It is not a matter of vanity - it is a matter of deep-seeded fear and loss. Don't allow anyone around you to belittle you in any way over this.

You are struggling in a world that feels fearfully out of control and what you need is someone who will simply hold you, listen if you need to talk, just BE, if this is what you need that moment. Give yourself permission to FEEL without shame, or explanation. You own heartache every bit as much as you own joy; it all knits together to create the fabric of your being.

Don't rush into shaving your head. There may well be some way that you can wear your rolls that will cover the loss. And we can hope and pray that this will soon come to a happy ending, with your child back home, safe and well, and you can again move on with your life, growing your lovely hair.

Hold on there, please.

ravenreed
October 21st, 2010, 09:48 AM
My mom, who is one of the least vain people I know, still sorrows over the fact her hair is thinning. I don't think it makes you selfish or vain at all, it just means that you are human. I also think that the stress of a sick child might be the cause of your hair loss. When I was younger and in great distress, I also lost a great deal of hair. It all came back when the stress lessened. I hope your child gets better and I also hope that your hair returns to normal.

skaempfer
October 21st, 2010, 09:56 AM
I don't have anything new to add, but I second (third, fourth, whatever) the idea that stress may be a factor. In any case, do continue to take care of yourself. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time and a gute Besserung for you both.
:grouphug:

mali
October 21st, 2010, 10:28 AM
I'm sorry you have to go trough this! I'm sure things will get better! Stay strong!:yinyang:

Purdy Bear
October 21st, 2010, 11:45 AM
I know exactly where your coming from hon, and I give you the biggest hugs ever. I have Alopecia Univarlis which means I dont have much body hair, infact just a few tufts on my head and an occasional hair elsewhere.

Please see a Dr about this, although hair loss can be brought on by stress, there are many other medical problems that cause it as well, and it might be one that is cureable. If you have root die off, then you need to see a dermatologist, as they maybe able to give you cream or injections to bring the hair back. Its better to see them sooner then later with this.

On a practical point of view, you can shave the remaining hair off but its not an easy step (Iv done it before) and it can be cold in winter and a problem in the summer. I would get yourself some nice hats and scarves that dont scratch your skin, or go down the wig route. Wigs can itch like crazy, and I have yet to over come this so havent gone down that route.

Try to relax as much as you can, eat healthy (Biotin rich foods are good) and exercise, massage the head - Iv found putting hot face cloths on my head actually helped stimulate the hair (not too hot so you dont scold the head).

You are not alone with this, apparently in the Uk its 1 in 10 people that are affected by hair loss. Im with you with this hon, dont think your alone. Hugggggggggggggge HUGGGGS!

Spike
October 21st, 2010, 11:51 AM
Oh, honey. :group hug: What an enormous ball of sucktacularness.

I totally get your wish that there was a deal to be cut with someone, somewhere. I second the need to take care of you, even as you do what you can for your child. Put your oxygen mask on first, as the flight attendants say.

You and yours will be in my thoughts.

pennyroyal
October 21st, 2010, 11:51 AM
I am so sorry to hear about what you & your child are going thru. I will be sending positive energy both your ways. & you are not selfish, please don't feel that way. *hugs*

Stormphoenix
October 21st, 2010, 12:13 PM
Hang in there!!! Seeing your doctor / dermatologist is one of the best things you can do. I can share I had a big shed / hair loss this past year and I was sooo upset about loosing my hair added to my already stressful life, exacerbating the hair loss problem...but there may be hope yet.

Finally, I went to see my dermatologist and she told me to take vitamins like Folic Acid, Biotin and she very specifically wrote down a particular iron pill called "Slow FE" that I could buy off the shelf. It has been three months; I can tell you after taking her advice on vitamins my hair loss slowed down and it has just about stopped and - instead - I can now see a little growth of hairs about an inch to an inch and a half long all over my head. There is a conglomeration of these little hairs by my hairline and temples.

Also, over the same period, I found a councilor to help me with stress therapy. I think this is the most helpful thing I have done for myself in years. I would recommend this to anyone.

I hope this information helps. I am in my late 30s and I want to keep all my hair for the rest of my life. I love my hair - all of us on this website do - and we all enjoy the luxury of having our own hair. Nothing makes us realize what we consider to be a part of ourselves / our psyche until we face the threat of loosing it. It is not vanity to want to keep your identity of yourself. It is a type of self love and self preservation. You are a good person.

Hugs. You are not alone. Courage. Our best wishes are with you. Again, hugs.

BrightEyes7
October 21st, 2010, 12:42 PM
:grouphug:

I know it must be difficult to be dealing with a sick child to begin with and then have your hair go. It may seem vain to some but it can be overwhelming when you are already going through such a difficult time...

Sorry you are going through this. :grouphug:

bluesnowflake
October 21st, 2010, 12:49 PM
I'm so sorry. I hope your child recovers. Maybe once he/she does and there is less stress is your life, your hair may grow again.

spidermom
October 21st, 2010, 12:49 PM
I've seen other people with locks get bald places between them.

I'm sorry that you're dealing with a sick child; that must be so hard!

Dragon
October 21st, 2010, 02:49 PM
sorry your going through this :grouphug:

cmnt831
October 21st, 2010, 03:01 PM
:grouphug: for you.

nemileo
October 21st, 2010, 04:32 PM
I really hope your child will be fine. And please dont feel vain and selfish for thinking about your hair. You could not possible think of other people 24 h a day. That would not be healthy. I hope you have someone taking care of you aswell. And I bet you still have many years of gorgeous hair!

EverydayMiracle
October 21st, 2010, 04:41 PM
I don't have any particularly comforting words. I will keep you and the little one in my thoughts.

DreadfulWoman
October 21st, 2010, 06:20 PM
When someone you love is suffering it can be easy to get into the mindset that anything you desire or do for yourself is selfish and bad, and family and friends can often unwittingly encourage this mindset. But please don't let yourself succumb to it. You must be strong for yourself before you can be strong for anyone else.

Personally I think you should keep your dreads, if only because they are stunning, but in the end that is your own decision and you should do whatever feels right to you. It's sounds like the balding is almost certainly stress related, and should therefore be temporary. So stay strong, weather the storm, and know that we are all here for you.

Best wishes to you, and to your little one.

Nae
October 21st, 2010, 06:35 PM
Oh Ludde, I am so sorry to hear you have been going through a rough time. You were one of my first friends here and I have always admired your beautiful hair. It must be so rough to have to deal with thinning along with your child's issues. I am thinking you huge hugs right now.

If you ever need to talk, need someone to vent with or just need a little support please PM me. My kids have had issues too. I know how hard it can be when your little one is struggling. Please take good care of yourself and hang in there.

Ludde
October 24th, 2010, 12:18 AM
Thank you so much for your sweet and thoughtful replies. They mean a lot.



My rolls are of different age because I cut some of them away at one point to see if the wear and tear and weight of the knotted hair affected the hair-roots. It didn't. In a period there has been some re-growth and the youngest rolls has formed out of the re-growing hair. But this last period of stalling hairgrowth has been going on longer than before and with no sign of recovery. Vitamins and minerals prescribed by nutritionist has not had any effect like other things from the doctor. He suggests the stress may have started some inner reaction that is now continuing on its own. He also thinks I should just settle with a bandana over the balding area and be thankful for what I got, because "I seem to be good at that". I am not entirely sure that is a fair conclusion.



True - I have never been very interested in my own appearence or made much of it - I am usually far too noticable anyway. But caring for my hair has taught me new things about myself. I have learnt to feel joy and even pride over something besides that which I have made or done. I have learnt to be proud to be a feminine being as well as agreeing with growing old and acknowledging how my life turned out. Important stuff, useful stuff.


A good thing is that my husband knows I wrote this thread. That made him realize how difficult the hairloss is to me and that this is not like the other things I just shrug off and walk past.



I am sure good things will turn out from this experience, too, as with most of the things that happens through life. It is just a bit ... severely non-umphy at the moment.

Ludde
December 11th, 2010, 07:38 AM
Turned out I had seriously low iron-levels that was missed when one doctor took over from another. New doctor phoned and I was given two iron-transfusions into the blood. It was "nearly impossible to gain back a more deasent level by mouth". Ok. But the thing is; my hair has started to re-grow. All over the balded area new hair comes, and it looks pretty normal in structure. How is it iron can affect this?

Yozhik
December 11th, 2010, 07:52 AM
Ludde, I'm so glad you found out that it was an iron deficiency, and that your hair is growing back!

I don't really know what iron has to do with it, but it's great that your hair is regrowing. :flower:

nytquill
December 11th, 2010, 08:07 AM
My understanding is that iron is a key component in your blood, specifically it forms the hemoglobin in your red blood cells that carries oxygen, if I remember my school science correctly. So when you are low on iron your blood is not transporting enough oxygen to all the cells of your body. All the cells are weakend, they don't have enough oxygen to function properly. And when the body senses a lack of resources like this, hair is often the first thing to be harmed, because hair is not essential to the survival of the body. The body prefers to first see to the essential things and then give what's left to the hair. When there is not enough to feed both the body and the hair, the hair suffers.

So it's not that there is iron in your hair but rather that a lack of iron can harm your overall health, and your overall health in turn determines the health of your hair. At least that's what I've been led to understand.

I'm so, so happy that you and your doctors found the problem and your hair is coming back! Hair is no small thing, it's perhaps not critical in the sense that a sick child is critical, but that doesn't mean it isn't important. It's a part of our identity, our personality, and as you so well explained, a representation of our life lessons that we've learned.

And when you have enough heartbreak you don't need anymore. So this, at least, is one less sadness for you now. And on top of that, I bet that with your iron levels restored you will feel SO much better all over, not just in your hair!

Wishing you all the best :)

RitaPG
December 11th, 2010, 08:37 AM
I don't know much about blood, I'm just happy that you managed to solve that problem :)

cmnt831
December 11th, 2010, 08:41 AM
Glad to hear you got the hair problem figured out. :flower:

Purdy Bear
December 11th, 2010, 10:24 AM
Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee:joy::joy::joy: I am so thrilled for you. Its amazing the first Dr missed the iron deficiency at such a low level. Its something Im definately going to get back onto with mine when my yearly bloods come up.

:cheese::cheese::cheese:

lapushka
December 11th, 2010, 10:58 AM
OMG transfusions? Your iron levels must have been pretty low. :grouphug:
I'm glad your hair started regrowing!

DreadfulWoman
December 11th, 2010, 12:35 PM
:cheer::cheer: Oh my goodness, I'm so happy for you! :cheer::cheer:

On top of growing your hair back, you are going to feel so much better now. I had some low iron levels last year (self-diagnosed and corrected with supplements) and it had such a serious effect on the amount of energy I had.

From what I read when I was having problems, iron deficiency is pretty common particularly amongst women (1 out of 5), and requiring transfusions is also not uncommon. It seems that something about already being low in iron makes it very difficult to absorb iron that is taken orally.

I'm glad, too, that you were able to find a totally commonplace and non-mystical cause for your balding. Getting your iron levels up should be so much easier than, say, avoiding stress. Does this mean that you're going to have some awesome little dread-horns to show us soon? :twisted: