hair aficionado

[Kirin]

Yesterday at a family barbeque, I was with my three sisters. I couldn't help it, I kept checking out their hair. Mine is flaming henna red (think candy apple red like a car), just past shoulder length and double topsy tailed.

Now it was like looking at a slice of haircare through several sub catagories! I didn't realize at ALL how in good condition my hair is (though I complain) until i kept staring at theirs.

Sister #1 goes to expensive salons and has her hair done a lot, highlights, treatments, so on so fourth and can spend money on her hair care products. Its blond highlighted, very dry, no shine, and blowdried into an immoveable style.

Sister #2 the other "long haired one"....... insists on cones, and hair dyes. Her hair is FRIED. When we were younger she had straight shiney and fine / thin cocoa brown hair...... its now sort of colored in multiples of blonde/brown/gray, and like so kinky dry I had the desire to dump a vat of coconut oil on it. I was like Noooooooooo! When I started talking to her about hair, trying to oh so casually suggest oils (we have the SAME hair) no no, she didn't want to hear it, it would be "awful" for her. Okay, next.

Sister #3, I remember her in our youth having THICK massive curly black hair. Really dark, and SUPER thick, with these roll log type curls........ it was mid-brown, obviously lightened within an inch of its life, and blowdried straight. Again no shine whatsoever, and we were in direct sunlight all day. Just whisps of hair at the ends, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeghads!.

All three i could see the split ends....... it was like a horror film to me that they'd never understand! Man if they would only not look at me like I was smoking something, I'd give them some hair info..... but, they'd never listen, alas.

However, my only happiness of the day is my father kept playing with my small ponytail end and then idly asked, "what are you doing to your hair, its really soft". weee! LOL.

I'm wondering how long I can keep my yap shut around my sisters and not blurt out rude hair comments and yank products out of their hands............ lol, militarily raid their cabinets for contraband!

[loves2spin]

Maybe someday you can wear your glorious long hair just loose and they might notice? And ask? It reminds me of once about 31 years ago. I had long hair, and I went and got a very short cut. The stylist kept asking me how I took care of my hair because it was so healthy and shiny. I was like, "Uh... I wash it?" In those days were were much to short of cash for me to do anything but buy some Sauve shampoo. That's it. Less is more, often, with hair. Now I just use my homemade shampoo bar and my hair is VERY happy. I hope your sisters CAN learn from you someday! That is really sweet about your dad.

[hurricane_gia]

Good for you! Not only did you get a great compliment, but you realized just how far you have come.

I am sorry that your sisters are abusing their hair. Perhaps when the photos come back, they will look at them and have epiphanies. Or it may take longer, maybe about the time your hair gets to your hips they will suddenly look at you and thing, "Why is her hair so healthy?"

It is hard to keep your mouth shut when you see hair-abuse! :p But unless you just have that really honest and friendly relationship with your sisters, you must resist the urge to tackle them with coconut oil. Sometimes you can get lucky, tho . . . just wait for someone to say, "I don't know why my hair tangles so much," And you can say, "I have the best recipe for home-made detangler!" Then wait. If she bites, give her that recipe, and only that one recipe. Wait until she's tried it, and liked it, and *they* you can say, "If you're interested, there are a couple other things I do for my hair that might work for you." But in my own experience, you can never give advice to a blow-dryer junkie who doesn't want advice.

[Curlsgirl]

Like you I notice hair WAY more than I used to. I am glad for the compliment from your Dad for you though. The sisters, well, they will have to learn for themselves and WANT to do differently. Otherwise anything you say will just make them mad probably.

[30isthenewblack]

I think it's admirable that you look after your hair so well and you pride yourself on the healthiness of your hair. However, I do find it a bit hypocritical on this forum that people are upset if anyone criticises the length of their hair but think it is ok to remark on how other people choose to wear their hair. Some people choose to sacrifice length for colour or to straighten their hair and not everyone likes natural, long hair. Some people like myself like to colour their hair and others like to straighten their hair. There seems to be a bit of self righteousness creeping in that if you wear your hair natural, then you are better than everyone else. It's all about personal hair choices and respecting the way the way others choose to wear their hair. It's never a good idea to compare yourself to others.

[spidermom]

I go through the same thing with DD. She had long and natural hair in the past, and it was gorgeous. Now she has highlights and lowlights and uses the flat iron a lot. Her hair is still pretty in a completely different way, but sometimes I miss how it was before. But that's o.k.; back then I had the shorter, styled hair; now mine is long and natural and looks gorgeous. Sorry if that is too self-righteous for anybody, but this IS the long hair community, and to get extra-long hair, it takes a special level of dedication to natural hair. You can find classic length hair and longer that's been dyed, I assume, although I've never seen it personally.

[flapjack]

I can see both sides to this coin, really. On one hand, it is better for your hair and your health in general, to ease up/cut out the chemicals, we all know this. On the other hand, it is their hair and they are women who can do with it as they please. In instances like those, I simply always keep my mouth shut unless I am specifically asked for hair advice and then I talk about what I do (or rather, what I don't do) to my hair and let them come to the conclusion that their hair is not like mine because they do things to it that I don't do. And if they want to try it my/our way, they can. But they certainly don't have to. But you're going to have to fight that desire to trash their hairspray & Co., hahaha.

[30isthenewblack]

I am very aware that this is the long hair community but that does not give anyone the right to put down others about their hair. Long hair means also means different things to different people and it is not everyone's aim on this forum to have classic length hair. Regardless of whether you have short hair, chemically straightened hair or blow dried hair, you deserve as much respect as the next person on the forum.

[RavennaNight]

I think it's admirable that you look after your hair so well and you pride yourself on the healthiness of your hair. However, I do find it a bit hypocritical on this forum that people are upset if anyone criticises the length of their hair but think it is ok to remark on how other people choose to wear their hair. Some people choose to sacrifice length for colour or to straighten their hair and not everyone likes natural, long hair. Some people like myself like to colour their hair and others like to straighten their hair. There seems to be a bit of self righteousness creeping in that if you wear your hair natural, then you are better than everyone else. It's all about personal hair choices and respecting the way the way others choose to wear their hair. It's never a good idea to compare yourself to others.

I totally agree. Let others do as they will. Dont worry about others habits too much. In their own ways they worry about themselves enough they don't need others worrying for them.:cool:

[Saranne772]

I know the feeling! Its like an illness for me! :) I find myself checking people in front of me on the bus!

[ChloeDharma]

Oh i know what you mean.....it can be very frustrating. I do find it better to just focus on my own hair though and offer advice/ideas when asked. Mostly because people who are very into the mainstream approach to "haircare" wont believe you anyway.
Sometimes it's possible to make suggestions without sounding preachy....like if you maybe say something like "oooh i tell you what i've been using.....coconut oil, i'm amazed at how good it is! Have you ever tried it?" But ultimately you can only be responsible for your own hair and leave others to get on with theirs......once they see your hair growing long and see how amazing it always look then they are likely to start asking you anyway.
I have 2 sisters....one loves her hair long, the other hates long hair almost with a passion. The long haired one has been asking me lots of questions over recent years and i've managed to get her to ditch bleach for her highlights for a high lift tint (her hair is extreemely strong so tends to survive chemicals up to a point) and is now addicted to dabur vatika coconut oil. She already always wore her hair up and never heat styled anyway, but also is now experimenting with yogurt and honey treatments.
My other sister.....well i don't really talk about hair much with her other than just to compliment her whenever i see her anyway because short or long she's still beautiful.

I think if you focus too much on your sisters hair habits then it may well drive you mad but i think it's very sweet that you care so much.....you love your sisters and want to share with them information that you feel would save them money and make them happy......that's not a bad thing and given the aim of this forum i don't think it's something you should be attacked for!

[30isthenewblack]

No one is 'attacking' anyone. It was easy to use this post as an example but in the short time that I have been posting on this board, I do feel there is sometimes a lack of respect towards people's hair choices. If you want to treated with respect for example for having hair past your hip, then you also need to respect other people's choices as well. It goes both ways.

[kimki]

I have the same thing. My sister bleaches and flat irons her hair and I can see the spilt ends. I also find myself checking out peoples hair around me but I wouldn't dream of offering random people suggestions about oils unless they asked me.

I do have a male friend who has put up with me talk about my hair for ages. He now finds that he butts into girlie conversations at his work and starts talking about coconut oil etc...He was really angry with me because he is worried they all think he's gay now. :D

[ChloeDharma]

No one is 'attacking' anyone. It was easy to use this post as an example but in the short time that I have been posting on this board, I do feel there is sometimes a lack of respect towards people's hair choices. If you want to treated with respect for example for having hair past your hip, then you also need to respect other people's choices as well. It goes both ways.

I intended not to be this blunt, but if you look at your posts in this thread they actually were quite attacking towards the OP who was mainly just letting off steam and expressing her excitement at realising how good her hair is.
Bear in mind this is the long hair community where the general goal tends to be the growing and caring for of long well conditioned hair.....not the "hack it off and fry it till it crunches" community so it's to be expected that people will be biased towards a certain look here. I have noticed some threads/posts where short fried hair is spoken about negatively....but again....that's not the look most members are aiming for here, and often when people do express those sentiments it seems to be as a reaction to rudeness people with that hair have shown them in life and they want somewhere to vent where they feel others will understand.

It is possible to point out that some people might like their hair chemically processed and short (i was one of them at one point) in a polite way without sounding hostile.

[30isthenewblack]

I intended not to be this blunt, but if you look at your posts in this thread they actually were quite attacking towards the OP who was mainly just letting off steam and expressing her excitement at realising how good her hair is.
Bear in mind this is the long hair community where the general goal tends to be the growing and caring for of long well conditioned hair.....not the "hack it off and fry it till it crunches" community so it's to be expected that people will be biased towards a certain look here. I have noticed some threads/posts where short fried hair is spoken about negatively....but again....that's not the look most members are aiming for here, and often when people do express those sentiments it seems to be as a reaction to rudeness people with that hair have shown them in life and they want somewhere to vent where they feel others will understand.

It is possible to point out that some people might like their hair chemically processed and short (i was one of them at one point) in a polite way without sounding hostile.

""hack it off and fry it till it crunches community" is exactly the type of comments that I am referring to. I think you are so ingrained in your own beliefs and philosophies that you cannot see how offensive you are. The only reason why you think I am 'attacking' the OP and being impolite is because I do not agree with you. I am asking you to show respect to people whose beliefs do not mirror your own. I can respect other people's point of view and beliefs and I don't have to bring myself up by putting other people down. Give yourself a pat on the back by all means by looking after your hair but you don't have to do it at the expense of other people.

It is interesting that you point out that people on this forum may have experience rudeness in life when other people have made comments about their hair. This is why I am quite surprised that these same people show the same rudeness towards others. The whole 'this is a long hair forum and therefore, I can say whatever I want about chemically processed or straightened hair' doesn't wash with me. Two wrongs don't make a right no matter how you justify it in your own mind. However, I'm not out to change the world. I think I have made my point or perhaps you have made it for me.

[FrannyG]

Hi all! I really don't have anyone in real life to talk hair with, as most of the women I know have opted toward the shorter hair route. I save my hair talk for the internet, except when asked.

I do find myself hankering to braid my son's girlfriend's midback length hair, but when I did so once, her mother wasn't too happy. Apparently she doesn't let her mother fix her hair at all. :o

Spidermom, please don't forget that it takes just as much dedication for those of us who colour our hair to get to our perhaps more modest goals as it does for you. I've been colouring my hair for almost 20 years, and it's only been in the past year that I realize that getting close to waist is even possible. Yes, I had to trim my hair recently due to changing my hair colour but, I still have my hip length, and maybe even tailbone as a goal. It will take an incredible amount of care for me to get there.

I know that I will never achieve extreme lengths, but I am dedicated to growing my hair as long and as healthy as possible while colouring.

Although my length is back to relatively what it was when I joined LHC, I've finally achieved the straight-across hemline that I've desired, grown out all of my layers, including my face framing layers, and I have shiny thick ends like I've never had before, and few if any splits. I feel that I've accomplished a lot, and I think I've put in a lot of dedication to get here. I have a long way to go, but I'm really looking forward to it! :)

[Kirin]

I think it's admirable that you look after your hair so well and you pride yourself on the healthiness of your hair. However, I do find it a bit hypocritical on this forum that people are upset if anyone criticises the length of their hair but think it is ok to remark on how other people choose to wear their hair. Some people choose to sacrifice length for colour or to straighten their hair and not everyone likes natural, long hair. Some people like myself like to colour their hair and others like to straighten their hair. There seems to be a bit of self righteousness creeping in that if you wear your hair natural, then you are better than everyone else. It's all about personal hair choices and respecting the way the way others choose to wear their hair. It's never a good idea to compare yourself to others.

Please refrain from using my post as a scapegoat in your current crusade against hippocracy. A simple post about a personal experience in which I have not forced my opinion on anyone, nor offended anyone, has no place in your personal feelings against critique.

I am entitled to my opinions, especially in regards to my own sisters, whom have made their own critiques in kind regarding my own hair (as well as other aspects). I also have no desire to rise to your lofty goal to never compare myself to others, as measuring one's self against another of mankind is a uniquely human trait that is held by all, regardless of those who would like to think they are above it. For without such comparison, progress would never have been made in the betterment of the human race.

No where in my post did I state all hair color, products or styles were somehow loathesome, or foul, and find it
rather presumptory of you to derive that meaning. Lumping me into a basket of hippocracy, for stating my experience (which I did not act on), is unfair and uncalled for.

I am certain their is unwarranted critique, but find that your expression of it would be better suited to a post of your own on the topic, and not within this string, so that I, with one act seemed to have triggered your ire.

In summation of my original post, it goes like this. None of my sisters actually LIKE their hair, though they spend tremendous time and money on it, especailly my eldest sister. i do not care wether their hair is short, long, bleached, colored or blowdried..... this is all fine if it works for them. I am suprised at my own desire to "jump them" with help, as I'd never felt that way before...... but don't force my judgements.

If that meaning was lost on anyone, my appologies.

[Pegasus Marsters]

Oh dear... I've raised this point before and now it seems we're going in circles between the "Dyeing is cool" and the "NUU NATURAL IS BETTER" crowds.

How about we agree to disagree?

How about we just agree NOT to insult the others choices?

[akurah]

""hack it off and fry it till it crunches community" is exactly the type of comments that I am referring to. I think you are so ingrained in your own beliefs and philosophies that you cannot see how offensive you are. The only reason why you think I am 'attacking' the OP and being impolite is because I do not agree with you. I am asking you to show respect to people whose beliefs do not mirror your own. I can respect other people's point of view and beliefs and I don't have to bring myself up by putting other people down. Give yourself a pat on the back by all means by looking after your hair but you don't have to do it at the expense of other people.

It is interesting that you point out that people on this forum may have experience rudeness in life when other people have made comments about their hair. This is why I am quite surprised that these same people show the same rudeness towards others. The whole 'this is a long hair forum and therefore, I can say whatever I want about chemically processed or straightened hair' doesn't wash with me. Two wrongs don't make a right no matter how you justify it in your own mind. However, I'm not out to change the world. I think I have made my point or perhaps you have made it for me.

Hi.

Just because they LIKE their hair or hair choices doesn't mean their hair is in good condition. My favorite pair of jeans has a hole in the knee. good condition? Hardly. For someone to say that it's not in good condition wouldn't offend me.

Hell, my hair isn't in good condition now, and if someone said as much, it wouldn't offend me. I like my hair plenty in spite.

:twocents:

[RavennaNight]

Hey, last time I checked we are all in the same boat: Grow and take care of long hair. Let's all just agree on that. In the month I have been around here Ive read so many methods and treatments and everyone's hair here, dyed or not, is beautiful. I think we all have passion and conviction about our methods, probably because they work well for what we are doing. I just am not one who gives unsolicited advice to anyone. Its like the nosy neighbor asking when you plan on mowing your lawn or why you haven't painted your fence. Henceforth you get hurt feelings, arguments, etc. Do as thou wilt and harm no one.

[ChloeDharma]

""hack it off and fry it till it crunches community" is exactly the type of comments that I am referring to. I think you are so ingrained in your own beliefs and philosophies that you cannot see how offensive you are. The only reason why you think I am 'attacking' the OP and being impolite is because I do not agree with you. I am asking you to show respect to people whose beliefs do not mirror your own. I can respect other people's point of view and beliefs and I don't have to bring myself up by putting other people down. Give yourself a pat on the back by all means by looking after your hair but you don't have to do it at the expense of other people.

It is interesting that you point out that people on this forum may have experience rudeness in life when other people have made comments about their hair. This is why I am quite surprised that these same people show the same rudeness towards others. The whole 'this is a long hair forum and therefore, I can say whatever I want about chemically processed or straightened hair' doesn't wash with me. Two wrongs don't make a right no matter how you justify it in your own mind. However, I'm not out to change the world. I think I have made my point or perhaps you have made it for me.

Excuse me??!! You have taken one line i've said and just made a big long speach making load of wrong assumptions about me. I am always supportive of people making whatever choices they want about their hair and anybody who has been a member for more than 5 minutes i expect would know that.
It might be an idea to get your facts straight before shooting your mouth off. Oh, and if you read my first post in this thread i think you'll find i was actually saying it's up to people what they do....i even used one of my sisters as an example.
Seriously, drop the attitude.

[Patrycja]

Wow.The OP point of view was taken way out of context.

We cannot push our opinions on other people,that is one of the reasons that makes us humans.She was simply making an observation about hair and decided to share that observation.

I have healthy dyed hair,I do not have the patience for henna so I use chemicals.Many people on this board disagree with chemicals but I don't go around parading my views on it.I simply keep on doing what makes me happy-dying my hair.I do all I can to keep it healthy and if someone came up to me out of nowhere and stated my hair looked horrible,I would smile and say "nice to know".One of the most wonderful things about LHC is that we are all different but we have the same thought when it comes to hair.To keep ours healthy.My thought of healthy hair maybe completely different from someone elses on this forum.

ChloeDharma was simply putting her :twocents: in.Weither or not you agree with her is your own decision but why not keep it in a pm?

just a thought.

[LisaJaney]

OK, folks, my Mod-Hat is ON:

We need to realize, as we put words to our impassioned thoughts, that others may think differently than us, and it is their right to do so. It is NOT their right to state those differing opinions rudely or in a way that would alienate the other person. It's an artform, this being able to state your own deeply-held conviction without ticking off the opposing side, and it's not easy. It does NOT happen when I have an "well oh yeah?" running through my mind, but rather when I write what I feel, then go back and read it BEFORE POSTING, reading it as if *I, myself* am the opposing side. Am I winning any converts with how I said that? No? Well, it's time to re-word it.

I reckon there's not a ONE of you here who is capable of being blunter than Lisa. Seriously. But (for the most part) I've weighed my words and tried to say what I mean without ticking the entire lot of you off, and leave you enough room to read my thoughts without coming-away with the distinct impression that I think you're a fool, because I do not. It is important to me to say what I feel. It is also important to me (and hopefully to you, when YOU share your ideas) that the reader can hear that I value them in some way, and that I'm not here just to bludgeon you with MY opinion, but to SHARE my opinion and allow you the freedom to still have your own, or maybe to just begin to consider mine even for a moment.

There've been things said here that could have been said more gently and they would NOT have been reported (yeah, stuff got reported because there are fiery words being said). SAME THING could have been said. "I feel that sometimes..." is a nice way to couch something so that it's not quite so "right and wrong" (with ME being right and YOU being decidedly wrong ;) ) and leaves you some wiggle-room while discussing.

OK, it's late and I hope that made sense. Please take into account the feelings of the people you address, and make a game of this "let's see if I can still say this without drawing blood". I do it ALL the time. It's a great game, and fun to do once you get the hang of it!

(OK, mod-hat off, I'm going to bed, and I hate sleeping in hats!)