Hair Guilt

[Maddy25]

I'm hoping I'm not the only one that gets feeling like this :o

I am sort of ashamed how much this is getting to me and how much of a strong emotional reaction my hair gives me. Back before I was on LHC I could bleach the heck out of my hair and not care at all...but a few days ago I did a semi dye (Garnier Herbashine)to hide my roots for a while and even though I love the way the colour came out I have insane guilt about it. As the dye was on my head I felt sick because I was scared I was destroying my hair and now I just feel...it's like mouring almost, I'm paranoid I've damaged it to the point of never growing long like I had before (even though this is just a semi and not very damaging, so thinking that way is silly...I hope?) and I just cant stop thinking about the worst case scenario and I feel very depressed. It can't be that bad right? I really hope I am worrying for nothing, I take good care of my hair, I dont use any heat, I'm gentle and the starting hair before I coloured it was virgin and henna, so it was in good condition. It feels weird now, I might be imagining things...but I feel like I've hurt a friend or something and now I'm scared.

At least it is supposed to fade in 28 washes...so maybe I will feel better when I can see my virgin hair again.

If you read my blog you've seen this pic, but just to give you an idea...
http://i115.photobucket.com/albums/n296/addie2525/IMG-20101019-00087.jpg

I'm going to do an SMT tonight to try to get rid of that weird feeling my hair has...perhaps I didnt rinse enough out when I dyed it and the weird feeling is from build up....uhg I just hate the feeling of dyed hair, I especially notice the difference when wet...

[Tiina]

:grouphug: Don't worry you are not the only one who feels like this. 8 months ago, when I dyed last I felt guilty too. It just didn't feel right, almost as if it wasn't my own hair. I know I would just cry if I dyed again. I hope the "dye feel" will disappear for you soon.

[XcaliburGirl]

I feel the same way sometimes. Don't feel guilty. You weighed your options and made the decision you needed to make.

I bet your hair will feel better after you do the SMT. If not, maybe clarify?

I like the color, by the way.

[FrannyG]

I dye my hair and touch up my roots every 4-6 weeks with permanent dye.

When I first joined here, I did feel guilty, because so many people were saying nasty things about "trashed dyed hair".

However, my hair is in really good condition, and I love my colour, which makes me feel good about me and my hair. Now I realize that I can't please everyone, so I please myself.

No more guilt for me about hair dye. Ever.

I hope you get to that point where you realize that your hair is yours to do with what you will, and that sometimes, our priorities are different from some other people's. There's no reason why you can't have healthy dyed hair, if you care for it properly. Try to banish the guilt. It's not worth it. :blossom:

[Maddy25]

Thanks, yes I think I'll clarify for sure tonight, I'm hoping it will fade the colour a bit as I find it too dark, it was supposed to be a light brown but came out very dark on me.

I'm wondering...should I clarify, then put on smt, then rinse out after it sits for a while? Or do the SMT then go in the shower and clarify and whatnot....


I dye my hair and touch up my roots every 4-6 weeks with permanent dye.

When I first joined here, I did feel guilty, because so many people were saying nasty things about "trashed dyed hair".

However, my hair is in really good condition, and I love my colour, which makes me feel good about me and my hair. Now I realize that I can't please everyone, so I please myself.

No more guilt for me about hair dye. Ever.

I hope you get to that point where you realize that your hair is yours to do with what you will, and that sometimes, our priorities are different from some other people's. There's no reason why you can't have healthy dyed hair, if you care for it properly. Try to banish the guilt. It's not worth it. :blossom:
aw thank you that is easing my anxiety. I guess I have just obbsessed over it for so long and after having over bleached hair that was in awful condition I am just terrified to get back to that, and I worry a ton.

[FrannyG]

aw thank you that is easing my anxiety. I guess I have just obbsessed over it for so long and after having over bleached hair that was in awful condition I am just terrified to get back to that, and I worry a ton.

Well overbleached hair is entirely different from what you're doing now. I understand how you feel, but please remember that you have the resources to keep your coloured hair healthy now. I feel so bad that you're worrying. :grouphug:

[Bonkers57]

What Franny said. If she can color her hair on a regular basis and it's as beautiful as it is, I see no problem. :smile:

I can see where reading all the negative comments about "trashed dyed hair" "blow frying" or whatever can almost brainwash a person. I'll try to remember to ix-nay all that in my posts in the future.

Find what works for you. If you take proper care of your colored hair and you're happy with it, more power to ya. Guilt doesn't help you at all.

[wvgemini]

I wouldn't worry about it so much. I do understand where you are coming from though. I still blowdry on the weekends. I do no heat all week (and some weekends too if I'm on drill status) and sometimes I just want to 'style.' But the whole time I'm doing it I feel a slight pang of "oh no! I'm drying out my hait!"

Clarify, deep treat and enjoy your hair! :)

[angelfell]

I'm repeat user of HerbaShine every 3 months or so, maybe even a little less. I haven't found it damaging to my hair, if it makes you feel better :). My ends are the only part of my hair that feels damaged and that's because of left-over perm. I don't think HerbaShine is too harsh and I find my hair is very soft and shiny after application. Actually, your hair looks soft and shiny too :D. I understand your anxiety though.. I used to straighten my hair daily and, since I joined here, I cringe if I even straighten on the weekends to go out somewhere.

[heidihug]

I color my roots every two months, and - see how long my hair is? It's very possible to have long hair, color it, and not have it be horribly damaged. I'm with Franny on this one. Do what feels right for you and makes you feel good about yourself and your hair.

[Maddy25]

:grouphug: Thank you thank you thank you everyone for easing my crazy anxiety about this. I feel a lot better about it now. I do think this place has brainwashed me a little :p hair is almost a religious thing now after reading posts on here everyday for over a year and being very obsessive about anything to do with hair, I start to think certian things that arnt so bad are evil :o Thank you again for making me not feel so crazy about it!

[LouLaLa]

yYeah!

I stopped dying a while back but now im wondering if I did it for me or out of guilt? Back then I didnt know how to take care of my hair, and did overprocess it (I wanted Debbie Harry locks :p).
I think this is a great thread. I like the pic you posted, it looks really nice :)

I think now that people are being more "I colour and im not ashamed" if I decide to get hilights or anything I wont feel so bad now. Its about what makes us happy isnt it, or else whats the point in growing it?

I have found a honey rinse after dye is heaven. I also use SMT instead of the supplied conditioner and it was SO much better.

[Maddy25]

yYeah!

I stopped dying a while back but now im wondering if I did it for me or out of guilt? Back then I didnt know how to take care of my hair, and did overprocess it (I wanted Debbie Harry locks :p).
I think this is a great thread. I like the pic you posted, it looks really nice :)

I think now that people are being more "I colour and im not ashamed" if I decide to get hilights or anything I wont feel so bad now. Its about what makes us happy isnt it, or else whats the point in growing it?

I have found a honey rinse after dye is heaven. I also use SMT instead of the supplied conditioner and it was SO much better.

Good idea, I was no cones before the dye and I used the supplied coney conditioner and my hair feels different, perhaps it was the cones!

[aenflex]

I don't feel near as bad dyeing my hair as I do having styled by a professional. No offense to them, I will always have a pro cutting my hair, but I hate having it styled. Somehow there is always the need for the blowdyer and round brush, then the product and the flat iron. I literally feel like crying when this is happening to the hair. Mine or anyone elses. I feel very, very badly. I have one good stylist who while she insists on styling the hair to quality check the cut, she just finger blow-dries and then when it's dry she will use the round brush/dryer. That's the best compromise we can get so far. I trim a lot less now that my layers have grown/cut away.

[pepperminttea]

Don't worry about it - it's not as if you've bleached it several times in a row or anything, it's just a relatively kind semi, and you'll be able to moisturise it beyond recognition with SMTy-goodness. :) Plus, it turned out a lovely colour.

[jenwexler]

i felt guilty too. the last dye job i did was supposed to be semi permanent to grow my hair out and hide bleech damage...but i recently cut the majority of it all off because i couldnt take it anymore lol. i'm actually glad i did it but you don't have to do what i did if you dont want to.

[Harriet]

Don't panic! I used herbashine, removed it a month later with colour b4, then dyed again, then remived it again! A few months on my hair looks and feels as healthy as always.
Heat styling causes the most damage in my opinion.

Just a warning, in my experience herbashine doesn't seem to completely fade in 28 washes. I'm debating using colour b4 again to get rid of the last of the dye thats still in my hair.

[jenwexler]

what color did you guys use? i used black. baddddd idea for me lol

[little_cherry]

Hey :)
I think your hair will be fine...I know all about the hair guilt thing..it does pass! :grouphug:

[HairFaerie]

I have used Garnier Herbashine and to me, my hair always felt and looked more healthy & shiny than before!
Don't let guilt get to you!
I see a lot of posts on here about people getting peer pressured into cutting or what not and usually the response is something along the lines of "Don't let anyone peer pressure you into anything, do whatever you want to do with your hair"!
Well, the same theory applies - Don't let anyone peer pressure you into NOT doing something with your hair that you really want to do.
If you want a different color, go for it! Don't feel guilty about it. Just because some people on the board choose not to, that's their choice. Do what is right for YOU! :)

[angelfell]

what color did you guys use? i used black. baddddd idea for me lol

Heh, I used black as well.. Natural Black. I think they have a more prominent black with the blue shine.. which did you use?

[jenwexler]

peer pressure is the thing that got me into hair dying in the first place. it explains it on my blog under my hair history http://jenshairjourney.tumblr.com/ . the last time i did something drastic was actually to be rebellious and go against the crowd. i've realized i like being different from people....i noticed the girls in my dorm have damage and die like me...and i want to be different in a sense by making my hair the healthiest it can be. i'm young....i have all the time in the world to experiment with dyes later in my life i think....i just want to give it a rest for a lonnnng time now...but thats for me...we are all free to do wht we want with our hair.

[EverydayMiracle]

Last night I trimmed my hair for the second time in two days. Seeing the photo with my ends looking all crunchy got to me. I wound up taking off an inch. I couldn't believe it. Afterwards I felt incredibly guilty for having done anything that horrible to my hair. It looks great, crunchy ends are gone, but I feel bad for having taken scissors to it.

Just the TEMPTATION to dye has been making me feel guilty, too. I was thinking about hennaing or doing a henndigo on my hair (I've never done black and think it might be fun, but oh, so permanent!), but I want to gray naturally. So yeah, guilt central :(

[FrannyG]

I think it's so ironic that so many of us come here to find a haven from real-life peer pressure, only to find that we feel a different kind of peer pressure here. We all need to find our own balance.

[juliaxena]

I don't think you did anything abusive. I'm trying to lay off the dye but just because it's so time consuming for me.

[jenwexler]

Last night I trimmed my hair for the second time in two days. Seeing the photo with my ends looking all crunchy got to me. I wound up taking off an inch. I couldn't believe it. Afterwards I felt incredibly guilty for having done anything that horrible to my hair. It looks great, crunchy ends are gone, but I feel bad for having taken scissors to it.

Just the TEMPTATION to dye has been making me feel guilty, too. I was thinking about hennaing or doing a henndigo on my hair (I've never done black and think it might be fun, but oh, so permanent!), but I want to gray naturally. So yeah, guilt central :(\

I used to do that. When ever I felt damage I felt obligated to cut because it felt so course and looked unnatural. You may actually come to love your cut. This is the shortest my hair has ever been and I actually don't mind it like I did at first.

[Maddy25]

I think it's so ironic that so many of us come here to find a haven from real-life peer pressure, only to find that we feel a different kind of peer pressure here. We all need to find our own balance.

Agreed, it's in no way forced upon us but natural long hair is the crown glory here and it kind of seeps into your head because everyone wants to be accepted right. Its like the old thread when some people werent accepting of the rainbow haired girl.

[jenwexler]

I have one feeling of guilt still every once ina while...Sometimes I miss my red and blue peekaboos. They looked really cool. I don't feel pressured by anyone but myself to have natural hair. It's something I want to do for me. Not for other people. I feel more pressure to dye actually...but that's because my circle of friends like to experiment with dye...I know that not everyone is like that and we are entitled to do what we want with our hair. I feel guilty about my hair past because, for me, it was all about the pressure, and when I decided to go natural several times, I went back to the dye to try something new. Now that I've had my fun, it's nice to go back to natural...for real this time.

[HereIGrowAgain]

Well, if we wanted to get really REALLY technical about it, we could say that the only really natural hair is hair that is not touched by anything other than water and fingers. Nothing that the hair wouldn't do itself would be allowed. No shampoo, no conditioner, no oils other than scalp oils, no combs or brushes, no updos requiring sticks or hairpins or any other implements, no trims, no color, no perms, no heat, nothing.

There. :D I hope you feel better, doll. I think your color looks great, and your hair looks healthy. I'm about two weeks into my Herbashine application, and it's fading nicely. My hair feels completely normal, like it did before the color. I slathered on that conditioner that came in the box for a few days, and didn't use any shampoo for the first 3-4 days.

[EverydayMiracle]

I only took off an inch. Technically I think I'm still at waist but I can't see the back of my hair where it stops. I need to have hubby get a picture for me (again) so that I can tell where it is. He says it's noticeable (and it is straight, yay!) but it doesn't set me back all that much, thank goodness!

[lajsa]

I wanted to tell you that you're not the only one worrying and feeling guilty about your hair :) I do all the time too.

When I wash it more often than twice a week as I'm trying to stretch washes, I feel guilty.

When I blowdried it on cool setting for two minutes when I'd done my henna, just to get the last drips of water out, I worried and felt like I'd committed horrible hair homicide (it got really tangly too, so that only made that guilty feeling worse!).

When I hennaed my hair, I used some sort of henna I got from the health store. It said on the package that it was pure henna, but I was all the time worrying about maybe I should have gotten BAQ henna instead, what if this is some sort of fake henna that will ruin my hair! What if it ruins everything just because I was too lazy to order BAQ off the internet! What if I kill my hair when I use it! It turned out fine, but still!
When my henna kept making the water turn yellow in the shower over a week after the dyeing day, I only fretted even more about it; what if this fake bad henna I bought was just some sort of temporary thing, what if it would just MELT off my hair and everything would fall out and I'd DIE from HAIR LOSS?

Today, when I had to go swimming with school (P.E., I hate you sincerely) I was guilt tripping about the fact that maybe a) the chloride in the water would dry my hair out and kill it dead or b) said chloride maybe would mess with my henna and turn it some horrible colour, or draw it out of the hair entirely! It didn't, but still. And also, I fretted over protecting my poor little innocent hair from the evil chloride by soaking it in fresh water before going to the pool; this meant I paused in my swimming twice to "go to the bathroom" (that is, re-soak my hair just to be safe!).

This may sound ridiculous but I'm a worrying personality, what can I say? And I love my hair. :D

[ellen732]

Don't feel guilty....do what's best for you. Semipermanent hair color is not that bad, especially with no ammonia. Any chemical process done correctly is not detrimental to your hair. You need to worry when you do things too often. Being a hairstylist I have seen people abuse their hair with flat irons, color and highlights and believe it or not some of them have pretty healthy hair anyway.

[Spike]

Find what works for you. If you take proper care of your colored hair and you're happy with it, more power to ya. Guilt doesn't help you at all.

Ditto ditto! Your hair needs to make YOU happy. If the easiest way to achieve that is to color it, then COLOR it. (And of course, if you want long, well-cared for colored hair, you may have to be extra-gentle with your hair to reach that goal.)

But I've seen some lovely heads where the owners used chemical dyes and were gentle in their everyday routines--plenty of oil and conditioner, little to no heat or rough handling, and ya know, their hair looks fine. Not crackly or rough at all.

So--happy growing and I hope you achieve your hair goals. Cheese! :cheese:

[UltraBella]

Well, the biggest thing is, everyone is different. What may damage one person's hair will be fine for another. Herbashine disappears on my daughter's hair within two weeks. Completely 100% washed out. I hold color really well so it will take months for me.
Just for the record, the Herbashine is not a semi color. It is a demi color. It does not have ammonia but it does have peroxide as a developer, so it IS lifting the cuticle and depositing the color but it is a "soft" lift. The average person with healthy hair should not have damage from it unless repeated frequently and over a period of time.
I know you are worried about it, but I honestly think your hair is just fine :)