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surfguy87
October 17th, 2010, 12:01 PM
My story:
I am a 23 GUY, I grew my hair throughout Uni (3 years)...and here is how it went...

1st year - I got the back cut by a stylist! "oh dear she's made it into a BOB! (This experience scarred me) START OVER! (lesson learnt?)

2nd year - No cut, No trim just pure growth. Pow! HUGE improvement!

3rd year - Graduation! Ok...confident now! Hair is an inch past my collar bone! I am the guy that can do what he wants, and get what he wants! It's time for that final style...this will define me as a person and complete my 'look'. I am destined for something special, every lyric, look, occassion and opportunity fills me with excitment and overall great feeling....shame I have no job, but it's cool! I have my Hair!! (Goal achieved)

DAY OF THE CUT - Pffffhh! I am nervous, I've worn a hat for two years straight! - [I think about my hair too much! Shall I get it chopped off? I have a job interview next week, should I be realistic and conform slightly?...Noo!]

AFTERMATH - It's been chopped!! <insert swear word>!!!! She (stylist) went ahead and satisfied her craving for cutting and eradicated 2 years of my patient hard work. I walk out of the salon in a hot flush, my stomach sinks to its' pit...I crawl inside my hat and am overcome with deep twisted regret. (Lesson of three years ago was not learnt).

EVERY MORNING AFTER - I wake up with sickness in the bowels of my stomach, I grasp for my hair..nothing but neck! I feel like a different man. No longer am I the comfortable positive go-getter I use to be, I feel I want to shut myself away, freeze my thoughts until I am back to being myself. Something is missing, an awkward nakedness...and no action can fix it - utter helplessness.

Lesson:
I am a guy that strived for a goal for three long years, I turned all the attention on me into something positive and with it I became a better person. Hair growth is massively psychological, and drastic changes can alter you as a person.

My future:
It has been four weeks since my cut and I write this as I clutch onto what is left of my hair, I can't think straight, I long for the locks I once had, I am at the awkward stage, during an important period of my life. Two more years of wait...two more years of planning, two more years of hardening, two more years of self-care!

Advice:
- Never cut your hair unless you hate yourself as a person. If you cut your hair when you are 'happy/content' it doesn't matter how strong you THINK you are, you will be crippled with the loss.
- Do not take your long hair for granted

Themyst
October 17th, 2010, 12:22 PM
I feel for you, it's been done to me before. I don't go to the salon anymore. While there are some very good stylists out there, sometimes you have to go through a bunch of bad ones to find them.

Alvrodul
October 17th, 2010, 12:57 PM
How awful!

I trust you specified how big a trim you wanted? And I definitely hope you did not have to pay for that butchery?

UltraBella
October 17th, 2010, 01:07 PM
Never cut your hair unless you hate yourself as a person ?!?!? WHAT ??

I have had wonderful cuts, and awful ones. Even at the worse, and it was BAD, I got over it and moved on. My hair does not define me as a person. I enjoy my hair, but I can easily get by without it. I would be crippled by the loss of my daughter, my husband, my parents. My hair, no.

It's not that I am unsympathetic to your experience, I just think giving advice that you should only do this or that if you HATE yourself is very strange.

PiroskaCicu
October 17th, 2010, 01:16 PM
Oh my, how upsetting. Cutting hair is deeply psychological, and can really effect you! I know just how you feel. I hope you can find comfort in knowing that others are going through it as well, and that with patience and time you will find the confidence you once had again. (And the long hair ) :)

boomtownrat
October 17th, 2010, 01:23 PM
You have definitely come to the right place for empathy and support, if you decide to stick around. Welcome to the LHC. :)

I'm very sorry to hear that happened. Did you pay for the haircut? Hopefully you made your displeasure known before you left the place, as it might prevent that stylist from doing the same thing to somebody else in the future. (Probably not, but one can hope.)

While I understand your devastation might be colouring your words, there are reasons people might actively decide to cut their hair besides self-hatred, such as getting rid of dye or damage.

Anje
October 17th, 2010, 02:44 PM
Sorry to hear that the stupid hairdresser hacked so much off.

For better or for worse, I'd suggest that guys who want long hair learn to trim their own hair. (Feye's self trim is a good method.) (http://community.livejournal.com/feyeselftrim) Not that women don't get their hair mutilated by hairdressers who don't listen, but it seems like males suffer from this even more than females. If you find a stylist you can trust, wonderful, but sooner or later just about all of us need to find a new person to cut our hair, and being able to trim ends yourself is amazingly useful.

surfguy87
October 17th, 2010, 04:33 PM
Money is not an issue:
My usual stylist was unavailable. He owns the salon and usually charges me &#163;40. I see this as cheap considering I spend &#163;100 for a pair of trousers. Anyway, he was unavailable so I had a 'senior stylist' that charged &#163;25. I payed the price...and then some.

I definatley got treated differently because I was a guy with unusually long hair. She was cold, unresponsive and completely alien towards me as I sat for my cut. She felt she could do what she wanted as I was a carefree guy. I had been in the situation before, 3 years ago..I had feelings of distrust towards a stylist. On both occassions I knew something bad was about to happen, yet they dive in so quickly it doesn't give me a chance to object to anything.

It's difficult to overcome the same event happening twice, especially due to the amount of waiting involved when growing long hair and my age. Creativity splurges from a mind at peace, due to the nature of my character I indulge in my creativeness..but interestingly since the cut, my mind has been distracted..no longer is it at peace...no longer am I as creative.

lundmir
October 17th, 2010, 04:44 PM
It is the exact same reason I learned to cut and trim it myself. I did make some mistakes, but I learned a lot from them.

<3OnHerSleeve
October 17th, 2010, 04:46 PM
gah, it's too hard to find a hairdress who knows how to cut... without cutting everything off!! then they hide their terrible work with a ton of spray, mouse and gels. My mum has two friends who are hairdressers and they are great. One of them told me, unlike every other hairdresser I've ever met, not to have my hair cut till I get it where I want it.

Completely sympathize, hairdressers have a mind of their own when it comes to length. they seem to think a 1 in" trim is 3 inch. total different system of measurements :P

Dragon
October 17th, 2010, 05:11 PM
I am sory this happend to you. I can under stand how you feel. This is why I trim my own hair now as my hair would never get any longer than APL when I let hair dressers or some one I thort I could trust near it till I worked out she, which is my Mum was maintaining my hair at APL with out even realising it. I dident work it out till I had hair several inches past there as had not been to there place in a long time and she cut it all off. She always wants to trim my hair when im there and does not take no for an answer so I have not been up there in close to two year now. Be care full this does not happen to you. If you get your hair to a certain length and it doesent seem to get any longer than that, and you are still letting some one you trust trim it, maybe they could be maintaining it were they want it. You have came to the right place support. There are lots of great tips on hear.

Aliped
October 17th, 2010, 05:11 PM
Gotto agree with Ultra Bella on this one .... your hair length does not define you any more than how frequently you cut your toenails.

Your creativity and confidence may not be as visible to the outside world, but they are a part of your personality and you have not lost them.

It is a shame you lost your length though :(

Peggy E.
October 17th, 2010, 05:35 PM
Everyone has a different attitude towards their hair - though I do think it is probably safe to say that most of us here are a little more "hair-oriented" than maybe the rest of the general public.

And your frustration, pain and anger is definitely understood. Whether we agree with your advice, it is still heart-felt, based on your most unfortunate experience. Your hair is very important to you and it is what you reveal to the world as a definition of who you are. When that is so deeply altered - and against your express wishes - it is, indeed, a violation and you are suffering from the loss.

However, there IS more to you than your hair. You are young, educated, ready to get out there and take the world by the horns and shake it up. You can still do this, for the fundamental essence of who you really are is still there, inside you.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, and so sorry it has caused you so much pain. But there's a long, happy path to traverse yet ahead for you. Lots of wondrous things to do, people to meet, change will come at you from all directions throughout your lifetime. Some of it you have control over; most of it you do not.

There is this, however: Your hair will grow back and it will again be the length you love and want it to be. And you do not have to ever let that evil person come at you with a pair of scissors again! I would be sure and tell your regular guy what happened and how very, very unhappy you are with the experience.

This is a hairdresser who should be reminded she serves the public - the public does not serve her!

May
October 17th, 2010, 07:31 PM
I feel like I could have written this a few years ago myself...

That being said I've learned to deal with things in stride a little better...It really IS just hair and it really WILL grow back.

Keep reminding yourself that "this too shall pass" (it's helped me through some pretty tough times unrelated to hair as well)

I think you need to find something else to focus on for a while or else you might go mad thinking about 'what once was' and your loss.

Hang in there!

christine1989
October 17th, 2010, 08:52 PM
What an awful experience! I have a good stylist who always does as I request but there are FAR too many who treat your hair like their personal playground. :(

Pierre
October 17th, 2010, 09:45 PM
Welcome to LHC! What's your hairtype? I'm wavy with curly ends, so trimming doesn't make sense for me, but for a straightie it does.

How about getting some hairtoys? That way you'll have ways to wear your hair other than down and in a hat.

surfguy87
October 18th, 2010, 04:14 AM
All great advice. Thanks

I have thick straight hair. (THICK hair is not to my tastes)

I have noticed that my hair [as it is now] is fundamentally incorrect in terms of layers and length. It's like three haircuts in one. Imagine a 'BOB' style but the bottom layer at the back is a good 3 inches SHORTER than the top layer at the back, while the hair immediatly at the side of the eyes eraches the bottom of my NECK and is strand-like. It's a horrific mess! Yes! it will grow back with time but how on earth could a professional do this? It's like a mechanic welding an exhaust onto a car backwards then filling it with bananas - it's simply not done!

I revisited the salon and made my views known. My regular stylist sympathised with me and said 8 months untill I get the style I want. I ask MYSELF truthfully how long....2 years.

I have worn a hat most days for two years. Another two years of that would drive me crazy.

A member above mentioned something interesting - dwelling on what you once had will drive you to insanity. A very true statement. I haven't stopped thinking about it for 5 weeks.

Anyway, thanks for the support.

WinterInBloom
October 18th, 2010, 04:30 AM
I'm trying to imagine what this cut looks like from your description, but I'm having a hard time.:confused:;) If it truly just looks strange is there anything that can be done to change it a little? I once had my hair cut by a scissor happy lady, even though I brought in a picture of what I wanted she still messed up my hair. The cut was just weird to say the least. Later at home my mom fixed it up for me. I didn't lose much more hair at all, she just changed the shape a bit so my hair had a better look to it. Perhaps you would feel better if you could have your haircut changed like that? It might make it easier to deal with short hair if you don't also think the style of the cut is bad.:)

Dreams_in_Pink
October 18th, 2010, 05:16 AM
Other people might find your post awkward (like, you're having psycologic problems and hiding behind your hair,etc.) but i totally feel for you. When i first chopped my waist length hair to posh bob (pixie in the back, chin-length in the front) i was like "hahaa wow i have no hair! LOL!! :D " But it later hit me that i no longer looked like myself. It's a serious problem when someone feels the body they're in does not belong to them; as in living in another person's body. Same feeling happens when people make drastic changes to their bodies like plastic surgery, weight loss... I know some people who reverted the surgery they had to reach their dream body because of that!

So, hold on, it will grow back. My hair reached shoulders in 1,5 years after pixie, now it's APL. You can always lean on us for support.

surfguy87
October 18th, 2010, 05:26 AM
Ha! I think deep down we all have psychological problems. Especially if we're fixated on hair length to the degree that it makes us sign onto a forum about it. It's certainly not the end of the world, but it's good to talk and the more informative advice I receive the more knowledgeable I'll be and it'll help me avoid repeating the same mistake for the 3rd time.

Dreams_in_Pink
October 18th, 2010, 05:33 AM
Ha! I think deep down we all have psychological problems. Especially if we're fixated on hair length to the degree that it makes us sign onto a forum about it. It's certainly not the end of the world, but it's good to talk and the more informative advice I receive the more knowledgeable I'll be and it'll help me avoid repeating the same mistake for the 3rd time.

I don't like it when people call such passions "problems". Everybody's interested in/obsessed with something: be it a football team, an artist, a TV show, a political/religious belief... Hair is what we're obsessed with; if being a fan of a football team is normal, then why being obsessed with hair isn't?

If being abnormal is the norm, it's no longer abnormal :D

CrisDee
October 18th, 2010, 06:45 AM
I think that for a lot of people, myself included, there is a spiritual aspect to hair that many people either don't perceive or they discount. Many people in this (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=53523) thread felt that way as well. It must have been terribly traumatic for you to have had this happen. The only thing I can suggest is to try to find a hobby, sport, or something to immerse yourself in, to prevent sinking into depression due to obsessing about it. Hugs to you :grouphug:

Jezerellica
October 22nd, 2010, 05:03 AM
Gahh. Poor surfguy. This was horrible. Thankfully hair grows back. Not that this is the answer to what you went through, but it helps. I understand and have went home from stylists crying more times than I can count. Thanks to the very seasoned members of LHC, I now trim my own. What a great feeling of control!! It is so great! You will learn to love it too. Just wait!! = )

kookyjelk
October 22nd, 2010, 10:28 AM
Sorry surfguy. I understand where you're coming from -- I had my hair cut into a pixie and instantly regretted it. We have a long road ahead, don't we? Thank goodness for hats.

Mexibeach
October 22nd, 2010, 10:34 AM
Oh my goodness - I hear ya! My hairdresser did the same thing - by December I expect I will be where I wanted to have my hair cut to - 7 mos after the cut. WHY do they insist on doing what they want instead of what we are paying for. I had to laugh at how you worded your post - but I do sympathise!!!!

PS: Those slouchy knitted hats are in fact a Godsend aren't they!!!

EverydayMiracle
October 22nd, 2010, 01:31 PM
This is why I have decided to only cut my own hair :(

SpeakingEZ
November 3rd, 2010, 04:18 AM
I've never trusted stylists for just this reason. My mom didn't trust stylists with my hair either, when I was a long-haired child. She saw a stylist give a girl bangs . . . who didn't ask for them. The one time she took me to a stylist, she stood behind me the whole time to monitor. (I was 12.)

I trim my own hair now. I don't want to pay the money and I think I would lose control of myself if she took off to much. Oh well my hair is a little uneven. At least I know it's still going to be there when I'm done.

As for your hair, it might take some time, but yes, it will grow back. In the meantime, maybe you can find something else to focus on and learn that you don't need your hair long to be happy, as much as you'd prefer it that way.

surfguy87
November 3rd, 2010, 11:20 AM
I've never trusted stylists for just this reason. My mom didn't trust stylists with my hair either, when I was a long-haired child. She saw a stylist give a girl bangs . . . who didn't ask for them. The one time she took me to a stylist, she stood behind me the whole time to monitor. (I was 12.)

I trim my own hair now. I don't want to pay the money and I think I would lose control of myself if she took off to much. Oh well my hair is a little uneven. At least I know it's still going to be there when I'm done.

As for your hair, it might take some time, but yes, it will grow back. In the meantime, maybe you can find something else to focus on and learn that you don't need your hair long to be happy, as much as you'd prefer it that way.

Good advice. It's been 8 weeks since the cut, I still think of it most minutes of the day. I just had an interview and pinned the mess to my head. It's had an unbelievable affect on my life, which is why I emphasise to every person thinking of going short to reconsider.

I had a hair chop, days later I find this forum - sod's Law! Despite my optimism I know it'll be years untill I reclaim my length, and the fact I am a recent graduate hoping to enrich life through work and travel makes it that much harder to bare. It could have been worse, I could have lost it to chemotherapy like some people here.

I will push on with my growth.

Pixna
November 3rd, 2010, 11:27 AM
People in the mental health field know that anything that drastically changes our appearance and/or our self-perception can have a huge, negative effect on our psychological well-being. It is not unusual or unreasonable that an unwanted and unexpected hair cut, especially one that is extreme, would be emotionally traumatizing. I've been there (with haircuts in childhood and adulthood), and I can totally empathize.

You'll get past this ... eventually. It will be painful for a while, but that pain will dissipate with time (and hair growth). Hang in there. We understand! :grouphug: