boss wants me to cut hair (old thread)

[Missa]

/mod note on
This is an old thread. Feel free to comment but don't expect a reply from the OP.
/mod note off


I have a boss who has been making obvious comments about how nice I would look with a hair cut. She even went so far as trying to make an appointment with her stylist for me. She thinks I should get a bob! I told her that my hair now is as short as it is going to get and she seemed irked. Can you believe this! Does anyone else here get pressure from work to cut. It is so frustrating.

[flapjack]

If your hair is too long for her preferences that she likes throwing onto other people, I would hate (read: love) to see her reactions at the hair of some other posters here. That is ridiculous. :/

[MoldyCake]

Wow!

Uh, in her own way she is being very sweet. You did the right thing by telling her you enjoy your hair longer. I'd just make sure to thank her for maying the appointment (however misguided her intentions were) maybe get her a gift a bottle of wine or something? (Cheap one!) Just to smooth things out, office politics. :dizzy:

I think you handled it very well, sticking to your guns about your hair. :D

[AquaViolet1973]

If she keeps nagging you about it, that is harrassment, and I would report her to the higher ups. Hopefully it won't get to that point.

[spidermom]

She wants to save you from yourself. Sweet? not

She is entitled to her opinion, though. I'd shrug it off, maybe tell her that I'll consider getting a haircut when I'm rolling over the ends with my office chair.

[diamondprincess]

I am in shock with how rude that is!!! Does your hair in any way affect your work? An employer is completely out of line making any comments on your personal appearance, unless you are breaking the dress code, or something like that. Kudos for standing up to her, it is just unbelievable that you even have to deal with this!!!

[angelthadiva]

No matter how well intended she may have been, the bottom line is your boss is rude and crossed the line...

How would she like it if you told her that she would look much nicer if she lost 20# and made an appointment for Jenny Craig, or got her a free week membership at a gym?! I'm sure that would have gone over like a lead balloon.

Ps. Don't buy her anything, you aren't in the wrong...If anyone owes anyone a bottle of wine, it's her! If by chance she does spring for one, take it and drink up w/o her.

You might want to update your resume!

[Riot Crrl]

Are there any conceivably "legitimate" (note the quote marks and qualifying use of the word "conceivably") reasons that it could be argued it's "less professional" or something when it's long? "Bun" is the universal symbol for "professional."

[FrannyG]

Your boss is just being obnoxious. There are so many people that just can't keep their personal opinions to themselves.

You've made your position clear, and unless she's completely oblivious to social niceties, I think she'll likely leave it alone.

I do know how annoying it feels though. :rolleyes:

[Carolyn]

It appears to me in looking at your avatar (if that is your hair in the picture) that you can easily put it up in some manner. You don't have your hair length stats filled in, so it's hard to know how long your hair really is. It may have been a one time comment and let's hope that is the case. If she says anything more, I'd document it and the first comment and take it to the higher ups. If there are no higher ups you may want to think about looking for another job. SHE is the one who is unprofessional.

[fatmoogas]

No doubt she is jealous.

[k_hepburn]

Gee, I guess you're lucky it's not your nose, lips or ears she's taking a dislike to - otherwise you'd find yourself booked in for an appointment with a plastic surgeon, right?

I am quite shocked at her intrusiveness. However, I wonder if there are any particular standards that you need to adhere to in the job you're in. Like, for example, if you were professionally expected to project an image of being ultra-hip (for example representing a fashion house) or a rather stringent image of neatness (the Disney company is rumoured to have its very own definition for its employees here). If that was the case at all, your boss may be not so subtly trying to point out that you are not meeting the standards expected from you professionally. But you would be bound to know about that, since in all probability there would be special stipulations about the subject in your employment contract.

To make this perfectly clear: if there is no such particular reason for her to comment on your hair, then I find her behaviour rather sickeningly power-crazed. Oh and: your hair looks glorious, and in no way unprofessional to me.

Greetings

katharine

[Nevermore]

...Wow. Way to be professional, boss lady. This constitutes harrasment and creating a hostile work environment. Please go to higher ups and if they ignore you, seriously look into getting another job. No one deserves to work with someone this nuts.

[lookingglass]

That's disgusting!:mad:You should be appreciated for who you are. Your boss sounds overbearing, rude, and unprofessional.

[RavennaNight]

I've had various co-workers ask me at various times wether I'm:
1. Cutting my hair back into the angular bob I had and they so loved in '05.
2. Growing my hair to donate it. --I protectively grab my hair and tie it quick in a bun--
3. Growing my hair just because my husband likes it and hated the short cut.

And proceed to tell me how they like short hair on me and how its so "mature and professional." (translates as old and boring) I just ignore because they work under me anyway so who cares.
If it ever escalated and my boss began to chime in with such comments, I would take it as a serious personal offense and wonder if I should go to their boss. I don't think unless you work in food service industry any employer has any right to dictate the length of your hair.
Are there many people in your workplace? Do you work close to your boss? Different lines of work have different dynamics regarding this relationship.
I think you should definately have a serious discussion with your boss about why she said what she did and let her know how you felt.

[blue_nant]

... If she says anything more, I'd document it and the first comment and take it to the higher ups. If there are no higher ups you may want to think about looking for another job. SHE is the one who is unprofessional.

Please at the very least begin a document. Start it now.

You may never need it, but you may. Record what happened and when AND that she made an appointment for you, whether you went or not. It shows her pushiness.

Please record this for your future while it's still fresh in your mind. :o

[Nevermore]

Even in food service, the most anyone's boss can or should do is require a secure sort of tied back hairdo and a hair net. They can't dictate length.

[Rustella]

I find your boss to be quite the control freak. I've had some control freaks for bosses, but none so rude as to make a hair appointment for me.

[Rustella]

How would she like it if you told her that she would look much nicer if she lost 20# and made an appointment for Jenny Craig, or got her a free week membership at a gym?!


LOL! Great example and point!

[Shermie Girl]

Your boss is out of line. I don't know what you do for a living, but the only circumstances where I can see that it would be appropriate for your boss to comment about how you wear your hair is if you work in an industry where it can be a hazard and needs to be up or in medicine or food service where it needs to be up.

If you want to avoid comments from her, just wear your hair up while you are at work. Then she can't see it and won't feel the need to make stupid comments and appointments.

[kwaniesiam]

I think she's jealous too. Your profile says you are only 25, so she doesn't even have the "excuse" of you "being too old for hair that long!" :rolleyes:

She just sounds out of line, wear it up around her just to be safe, and I think your hair is lovely :flowers:

[QueenMadge]

Perhaps your boss considers herself to be mentoring you.....hence the boundary jumping scheduling of a hair appt. with her hairdresser.

I don't know anything about your company or your position there, but perhaps this is her way of grooming you (literally) for upward mobility?

Is everyone in the company conforming to an unspoken dress code or style?

Where I workIit is in a casual office environment with one other person all the time. We have very different personal styles. I know that I have to watch my "casual" apparel because I tend to go too casual. I am the office manager and the other person is the controller......we both go from casual to more dressy depending upon meetings, mood and time of year.

I have been growing my hair out since I started this job a year ago. I do not dye my hair and it is very curly and can be very wild. Sometimes I go into the restroom at work and go OMG! because it looks like this:silly:. If I am feeling lazy about making sure I put enough product in it to keep it from getting too big I will wear it up instead of down and loose.

Her hair is beautifully colored, and cut in a shortish but soft style. She is about ten years older and takes very good care of her personal appearance.

I would perhaps check if you're fitting your personal style into your workplace atmosphere? It does not mean of course that you should feel obligated to radically change your personal style if you discover it is different, but being aware of it, you may be better able to hold onto your sense of self if she makes over the boundary comments in the future.

Just my two cents:-).

[Mitzy]

I agree. I probabaly would have looked her straight in the eye and said, "wow, rude, much?" or some similar flip comment. I guess I am lucky, my boss's hair is longer than mine, as is our CEO's and most of my co-workers. Now that my hair is getting longer, they all give me hair putting-up tips.
I can't think of what kind of job you would do that your boss could do any more than make you put it up. I have a really good relationship with my boss and would just ask her if she was trying to say it didn't look good or professional or if she thought I should wear it up or something. I dunno. I sort of agree with the person who said it might be a good idea to keep some notes about comments like that, just in case it happens again.

[Never2old]

How frustrating for you!

I've never had to deal with such comments, but I was very self conscious (sp?) when my hair was at a length I knew was unflattering (and I was growing out bangs--big mistake for me).

Try to turn aside such comments with a smile or gentle joke, and be very, very good at what you do.

[CurlyOne]

If you really wanted to irk her you could go in with extensions for a day or so. She is being very rude though, I second the idea to keep a log of whenever she does this. Once you have enough go to the HR people and ask for help, if you go with documented proof they are likely to take you more seriously.

[Ruadh]

I don't know what your job is, what the dress code may be or what the labor laws are like in Canada. But I agree she crossed the line by making the appointment. As a nursing instructor I have to remind students to keep their hair up, for obvious reasons, but have never been so rude as your boss. What she did is a form of harrassment. If you want to stay at your job and her behavior persists you need to keep a record and go to HR. Unless you have another supervisor over her then follow your chain of command.

[jesamyn]

That is just unreal. I can't believe someone would go so far as to make an unsolicited appointment for someone else's hair! I agree with others that you need to document this and hope that it'll be a one-off thing.

I'm really lucky that where I live, APL to BSL is the norm for most women. Hair between BSL and waist isn't uncommon in our office up OR down, and that includes the female managers. (Yay for constant hair inspiration.)

[connie]

I think the next time she starts in with her little comments, you should respond very flatly, "Your constant personal comments about my appearance are unwelcome, make me uncomfortable and borders on intimidation." And I would ask her to please stop.

I'm thinking that once she hears the words 'unwelcome, uncomfortable & intimidation' her brain will hopefully kick back on & recall her management training, which hopefully covered workplace harassment.

Just because she's a woman too, doesn't make it okay for her to make comments about your appearance that make you uncomfortable. What if a man were to do that? To constantly tell you how nice you'd look with XYZ hairstyle?

I view it as a very similar situation as if a male boss were to constantly remark on how good you'd look in a shorter skirt.

This is a person in a position of power, her comments alone could be construed as intimidation...how are you to know whether or not this will adversely affect your employment if you don't go along with what she wants?

And the fact that she went so far as to book an appointment...talk about pressure to comply. Boo to her.

Here's a general link I found:
http://www.eeoc.gov/facts/fs-sex.html


Honestly, I think if you got it into her head that she's heading into 'harassment' territory, her own common sense and the urge to CYA will probably shut her up.

[BittSweetCherry]

Perhaps your boss considers herself to be mentoring you.....hence the boundary jumping scheduling of a hair appt. with her hairdresser.

I don't know anything about your company or your position there, but perhaps this is her way of grooming you (literally) for upward mobility?

With no intention of belittling your concerns about her comments (I'd be seriously miffed too), depending on the context and the tone she was taking, there might be something in what QueenMadge said. My sister started her job as a librarian/tech support officer at a reasonably classy private school and while she gets along wonderfully with her co-workers, there was a situation last year that was comparable to yours. She had just turned 25, she looks a little bit young but still conveys her emotional maturity very well and wears neat, semi-casual, modest clothing and (I hate to say it) she is the epitome of the quintessential librarian. Her boss/co-worker was encouraging her to take a shopping trip together to find some suit-style work clothes for when they have interschool conferences or otherwise need to look a little more professional. Good point, accepted readily, specifics on cut, style and price range still up to her. BUT, this lady was also strongly encouraging her to wear make-up as part of everyday professionalism and was earnestly trying to make herself helpful because she rightly guessed my sister doesn't know a thing about cosmestics.

THIS is where it crossed the line. My sister has some acne scarring and blotchiness which proves she isn't perfect, but in my opinion is still naturally attractive. In particular, she refuses to follow passing trends, dress in any way that promotes a sexually feminine image, wear heels or resort to make-up because she wants to set a good example to the hundreds of teenage girls she is in contact with - and as the youngest female member on staff, she is in a good position to do that. Both my sister and I are unhappy about how make-up is marketed as the symbol of adulthood (I'm currently annoyed that all the recommendations I had about a recent job interview included wearing a bit of something/anything on my face, which I never do). Sometimes, it really feels as though we are treated as less 'adult' for not painting ourselves a new face.

Her boss' comments weren't harshly meant and when my sister explained her motivations and reservations a couple of days later it was never brought up again. I'm hoping that if there's some doubt about your boss' true intentions it might have been kindly meant and a gesture of true helpfulness, and when calmly explained nobody will feel bad at the end.

(For the record, my sister and I went to an upmarket bridal boutique on Monday and the three women working there technically fitted into various definitions of 'professional appearance' that were current at some stage in the last thirty years, but it was seriously unflattering for all of them. This didn't affect my opinion of them, but their attitudes certainly did.)

What's my point? Be as friendly and lighthearted about it as possible when you explain how much you like long hair and what it means to you. Honesty without recrimination is hard to fight against without looking like a nutjob.

[puredoxyk]

Ah yes, nosy irritating people who think their opinions are made of solid gold and of course everyone wants one.

I've always been a big fan of turning comments like that right back around on people, so they can see how ridiculous they look. I liked what another commenter suggested -- if she says anything else about it, I'd offer as sweetly as I could do make her an appointment with my personal trainer, he's great at getting the extra inches off those stubborn thighs.

Darnit, if it weren't your boss, you could just say "Shut up, moron" and be done with it...unfortunately you're stuck being diplomatic. I'm sure if you're firm, though, she'll leave you alone; people like that don't actually want a challenge 90% of the time; they're just looking for a quick way to "look good" by "helping" "others".

Of course if she *doesn't* leave you alone, that's a whole other story, and I would take note of the incidents and report them to her boss.

Luck!

[Tap Dancer]

Wow!

Uh, in her own way she is being very sweet. You did the right thing by telling her you enjoy your hair longer. I'd just make sure to thank her for maying the appointment (however misguided her intentions were) maybe get her a gift a bottle of wine or something? (Cheap one!) Just to smooth things out, office politics. :dizzy:

I think you handled it very well, sticking to your guns about your hair. :D

Missa, please don't buy your boss a gift for being a jerk. That's like apologizing for something you didn't do wrong. If she mentions a haircut again, politely tell her that you don't feel it's an appropiate discussion to be having. Hopefully she won't bring it up again since it didn't go over well the first time.

[Saranne772]

Id consider wearing your hair up whilst at work but you should not allow her to dictate your hairstyle for you

[ladystar]

When I was about 17 - 18 I worked for a fast food place, my hair was hip length. My boss wanted me to cut my hair and would say things to me. I told her that if I had to cut it I would quit, but then again I was living at home. I still wouldn't cut it for any job though. Good luck!!!

[BlackfootHair]

Wow...yeah, that's just not right... Who cares if she's irked? She deserves it for trying to force her hairdresser on you! I used to work in a salon as a receptionist and they would always give me ideas on how to cut my hair. Of course they were welcomed because I was wearing my hair short then...but sometimes I got annoyed when they'd recommend some fire engine red color when my hair was a cool plum red color. But yeah, that's not right. Good for you for not letting her win!

[RockerChick]

tell her to go **** herself. Cheeky cow lol.

[MsBubbles]

When I first read your post I couldn't believe the audacity of your boss. After thinking about it though, I remember when I was in my 20s and was not so aghast at such rudeness. It has taken me a few decades but I'm finally my own person, and bristle when others try to tell me what they think I should do. I guess I am trying to say, be careful how you talk to coworkers, bosses and in-laws :D. That is, if you start off your friendship with them by taking on a protegee type role, it'll likely continue that way ad infinitum and the person in the mentor role will heap continuous 'constructive criticism' on you, based on what works for THEM, not you. Sounds like you've already got healthy boundaries in place though, from your reaction to your bosses highly inappropriate comment. Good for you, for being upset by it. I wouldn't be sharing any personal info with that woman from now on.

[Leisa]

:)Hi. She probably genuinely thinks you would look better with a short haircut. Similar to how we think women look better with long hair.:D

I would just tell her you appreciate her input but you really LOVE long hairstyles.

[wintersun99]

............

[Islandgrrl]

I think that your boss, while perhaps having what she thinks is your best interest in mind, crossed a line.

As long as your hair is clean and appropriately groomed for your particular workplace, her preferences count not at all. And pressuring you to conform to what she personally wants is just plain wrong.

Making an appointment for you with HER stylist...hmmm...I wonder if she was planning on footing the bill for that?

[akurah]

I would warn against approaching your boss with any kind of negative attitude about this. It may have simply been a social blunder and not any manner of attack on you--some people really ARE that oblivious!

[morgwn]

I do feel that her actions were incredibly unprofessional. It is not in her interest or in your work's interest to dictate the length of your hair unless you are working in a health-related environment, in which case she can only ask that you wear your hair up. She cannot request you to cut your hair, as that can conflict with your own wants, beliefs and even, for some, religious beliefs and customs. If she does pressure you about it, just be professional with her but very firm and state that you like your hair the length it is. And then perhaps wear it up at work if you feel that that will make things less uncomfortable with you in the office. But seriously, AquaViolet1973 is correct: if she continues to pressure you, that is harrassment.

[lyneya]

Wow. I agree--the reactions here were harsher than called for. I'd be willing to bet that the boss was geniunely trying to help the OP create a professional look. Not saying long hair can't be professional, because it certainly can! But the tone from the original email didn't sound like she was harrassing people about it. People at work have stopped commenting on my length now, but for a couple of years I got frequent referrals about styles that would be "cute" and references to stylists. These were and still are friends. Nowadays, I head off any comments by occaisionally making a crack about how I'm going to grow my hair out until I'm bored with it. Then they know it's purposeful and leave me alone.

I don't think you need to confront the boss. Thank her for the referral to the stylist if it comes up again, and say you'll keep it in mind next time you're ready for a trim, and wear your hair up for a while. The picture in your post looks like it's right at that in-between stage where a lot of people go for a big chop. Once it gets a little longer, they'll realize you've done this on purpose!

Life is easier when you assume good intentions, even if you don't like what they're suggesting.

[GlennaGirl]

I personally wouldn't quit over it or go to HR or anything.

Wherever you go, there will be "rough around the edges" people socially. People who just love to put their feet into their mouths. (I can't figure out the proper grammar there right now...I'm running on just a couple of hours of sleep.)

She's being ridiculous, but there are ridiculous people everywhere. Don't worry about it. Have a cookie!

(And keep growing your hair. ;) )

[Missa]

Thanks for all the responses. My boss was definitely trying to be nice, and I think she genuinely believes that a haircut would make me look more edgy and professional in our line of work as image consultants. I do have wavy to slightly curly hair that is sometimes out of control and my boss has a very sleek chic blunt cut bob. I just think I do not fit her idea of sophistication being so natural with no makeup and no hair products to tame me. She is a very type A personality and quite domineering. I just wish that society would have less of a commercialized and media hyped idea of beauty. Beauty to me is timeless and unchanging, not trendy. I guess I just have to try to understand that there are few of us out there who think really long hair is normal and acceptable worn down in an office environment.

[BittSweetCherry]

Missa, good on you :) although you sound like you have the same view on all things appearance-related as me, and I could never work in the fashion/cosmetic/image consultant industry. Do you ever feel yourself torn between what you believe and what you have to say at work?

[dulce-de-leche]

I have a story about something similar when my boss had an opening for a job position.A young lady came in for an interview & had long hair I think it was down to her butt(very beautiful black & shiny).Well after a week or so of interviews I asked my boss if any applicants looked promising.I was told that there was one that was very qualified but her hair was too long and was thinking of going on to the next best and the higher boss thought the same thing .CAN YOU BELEIVE THAT?!!uuugh that was so messed up.I told her that I was growing out my hair & I didn't care if there was going to be a negative opinion of me.I really do but what is she going to do fire me?we'll see about that! :rant:

[MotherConfessor]

holy frappin cow dulce, are you serious?!!!!! I am absolutely dumbfounded. I though the other boss was a bit pushy and rude. Im sure she meant well (they always mean well when they are telling you how it would be in your best interest to emulate them in every way) but your boss is a freaking jack***. Long haired discrimination? Loosing a job over having long hair!!!!! I just cant thing of anything pissed off enough to say! :rant: Boy would I loooove to meet this person! :patrol:

[30isthenewblack]

I think your boss means well. However, hearing her say it again and again would grate on your nerves. I just think you need to be firm with her and let her know in the nicest way possible that you like your hair the way it is. Unfortuantely, in some industries, discrimination is rife. I had long braids in my hair and applied for a job at a PR agency. I was interviewed by five people including the owner of the company. I wore my hair down in the interview and she remarked that she loved my hair. Three months into the job, she said to me that if I wanted to continue working there, I would need to take my braids out. Now, if she wanted me to do that, she should have said so at the interview but three months into a position as a new graduate, you don't have that many options available to you. I took my braids out and then she said my curly hair was straggly. I couldn't win with her. It didn't overly bother me because I've never been one of those girls who struggled with their curls and always took pride in my appearance. I know that I didn't get a lot of jobs simply based on my appearance but in my opinion, they did me a favour. I would rather work at a company that prided itself on the quality of their work rather the appearance of their workers.

[KnightsLady]

At my first office job, my boss took me to a department store and purchased make up and cleansing products for me. (My skin wasn't so good. I had trouble with acne for years.) I was young and easily influenced, so I just went along with it.

In another position my male manager would comment on my lack of makeup if I wasn't wearing any.

Not so long ago I had a female coworker, who was a little more senior than me but not my immediate manager, criticise the way I would constantly wear my hair up. She would also comment on my clothing and other things. I obviously didn't come close enough to her ideals. I changed a few things about my clothing after looking into it further and now wear my hair up in styles other than a ponytail, however it's still up. :p

In all situations above the person concerned was probably acting with the best of intentions and even if not, I tried to take them as such. I look at the underlying message now and take it from there.

In my opinion the message (from what you've written) that your boss was trying to convey is that you're either not looking professional enough or in line with the image the company is trying to project. I agree with the other posters who have suggested you try wearing your hair up. It could possibly solve the problem.

ETA: as others have said a bun or french twist is looked on as being very professional.

[k_hepburn]

I am honestly shocked at these reports of people being discriminated against because of the length / curliness of their hair. That is just absurd in the extreme. I find it really hard to believe that there are people out there who will give in to such silly prejudices when hiring an employee. I realise the way you look is going to factor into the decision whether you're being hired, that's just a reality of life, but that someone would deliberately hire a person who is less qualified / less suitable for the job, because the favourite candidate's hair is too long? Just how stupid can you get?

katharine

[KnightsLady]

K Hepburn,

People can be pretty stupid. It's a natural trait, built on with habits. ;) It's even funnier when they start contradicting themselves.

[Xandergrammy]

I'd shrug it off, maybe tell her that I'll consider getting a haircut when I'm rolling over the ends with my office chair.



spidermom, I love this comeback! I think I'm going to borrow it. :gabigrin:

[Animeokapi]

Even the military says hair can't touch your collar.

Mine is nearly to my knees and I am not really that good at getting it up in fancy styles but I can get it up neatly and off of my collar with absolutely no problem. There are so many different cute styles that people can do with long hair to look professional so honestly, this should not even be a problem.

I figure, if you can match military standards for a dress uniform then you can more than match anything in the civilian sector. Maybe having it up all the time isn't your cup of tea but I don't mind. It's more dramatic later if I have it down and people I know at work see me because then they get all drooly.

The 'you should donate' comments have stopped with the regulars after I mentioned the study done by the BBB on Locks of Love. ;) "If I decide to donate anything to a wig company, it will be money. They need that more than my hair."

[Alun]

I am tempted to say that you should be grateful you aren't a guy, but to be honest the worst I've ever encountered was one boss who said he thought I ought to cut my hair but made it absolutely clear that I didn't have to. OTOH, I'm sure that I have been quietly overlooked for gazillions of jobs, but I just can't prove it.

I believe that you should always be true to yourself, whatever that may mean to you individually. For me it means that I would never cut my hair for a mere job. It seems a hard choice, but it works out for the best. The world is not really as full of control freaks as it sometimes seems, although manager's offices have more than their fair share, and you should always remember that it's their loss if you go to work for someone else.

[30isthenewblack]

I am tempted to say that you should be grateful you aren't a guy, but to be honest the worst I've ever encountered was one boss who said he thought I ought to cut my hair but made it absolutely clear that I didn't have to. OTOH, I'm sure that I have been quietly overlooked for gazillions of jobs, but I just can't prove it.

I believe that you should always be true to yourself, whatever that may mean to you individually. For me it means that I would never cut my hair for a mere job. It seems a hard choice, but it works out for the best. The world is not really as full of control freaks as it sometimes seems, although manager's offices have more than their fair share, and you should always remember that it's their loss if you go to work for someone else.

I agree that it is important to be yourself. Aside from taking my hair braids out, I have never conformed for a job. The world is changing. Ten years ago, I was denied a lot of opportunities based on my appearance, the area I lived in, the school I went to etc but those things are becomingly increasingly less important. For every struggle we have had to endure, the more opportunities will open up for the next generation.

[burns_erin]

This may be a very unpopular post but: company's do have a certain right to dictate how the employees of their company who work with the public represent that company. Maybe a more appropriate solution would be to explain that you are neither comfortable or willing tot cut your hair, then ask if you can discuss compromises. Maybe braids or half-ups would work, maybe they want you to go full on buns or french twists. When I had a similar conversation with my old boss, it turned out that they just did not like my hair falling forward over my eyes or over my shoulders, I slapped on a head band, which for me was no problem, and every body was happy.

[betsala]

just a story from my own experience- an old boss of mine convinced me to cut bangs. she went on and on about how cute they would look on me (despite me telling her that i had cut them in the past and they curled up and looked awful). she booked me an appt. and ebverything and i (foolishly) went along with it. well, the bangs (that i had finally grown out from the last time) looked so silly, my coworkers teased me (for the silly bangs, and for me caving), and my boss finally said "maybe you were right about bangs not working for you." good times. :(

[TheSpottedCow]

This may be a very unpopular post but: company's do have a certain right to dictate how the employees of their company who work with the public represent that company. Maybe a more appropriate solution would be to explain that you are neither comfortable or willing tot cut your hair, then ask if you can discuss compromises. Maybe braids or half-ups would work, maybe they want you to go full on buns or french twists. When I had a similar conversation with my old boss, it turned out that they just did not like my hair falling forward over my eyes or over my shoulders, I slapped on a head band, which for me was no problem, and every body was happy.

This is true, but it is overstepping when it comes to dictating the length of hair, IMO. I know many companies still will do this with men, usually not women... But I think there's a difference between asking for a different style and asking for a cut. Asking for a different style isn't MUCH different than asking someone to wear a suit and tie/women's suit to the office everyday, rather than something less formal.

Unfortunately it's still common to ask men to cut their hair, or require it, which I feel is wrong.

In general though, dressing up for work or doing your hair a certain way doesn't really effect your life outside of work. When you are done, you can come home, take your hair down, and change your clothes. But if you are required to maintain a certain haircut, you can't just go home and change out of it.

It would be like saying no tattoos in the office, and then firing someone who wears long sleeves to cover theirs, or demand that they get them removed, even if they are covered at work..

Just my :twocents: ... I could be wrong, but that's just the way it seems to me.

[Alaskanheart]

It seems like she is trying to help .I understand that your job is an "Image Consultant", It is possible that she believes if you look more Trendy and present yourself to that sort of standard you might build a bigger client base?In that respect she may be kinda right, but there are many ways to wear long hair so that you do look the part of your career, if that is what you want to do.Possibly she isnt prejudice of long hair, but maybe she thinks you aren't managing your long hair well and thinks a bob would be easier for you.

I wouldnt get all upetty and start a legal case about it, and I think you made your point clear that you do not want to cut your hair, and she should respect that and stop "helping" you when it comes to your professional image.

Maybe you could try some buns and up-dos, and show her that long hair can look sophisticated and professional too.

[Alun]

This may be a very unpopular post but: company's do have a certain right to dictate how the employees of their company who work with the public represent that company. Maybe a more appropriate solution would be to explain that you are neither comfortable or willing tot cut your hair, then ask if you can discuss compromises. Maybe braids or half-ups would work, maybe they want you to go full on buns or french twists. When I had a similar conversation with my old boss, it turned out that they just did not like my hair falling forward over my eyes or over my shoulders, I slapped on a head band, which for me was no problem, and every body was happy.

Moral right or legal right?

They should be able to set dress codes, but anything you can't put back as it was in 5 mins isn't a valid part of a dress code, because it isn't talking about how you dress and because it affects you when you are not at work. One day in an enlightened future the law may recognise this simple principle, but for now it varies from place to place, and mostly doesn't help much.

In Washington DC the DC Human Rights Act protects hair style per se, and in the EU the European Human Rights Act protects self expression, but mostly employers can get away with a lot. That doesn't make it desirable that they should be able to reach into employees private lives, though. Ponytail or bun, sure, why not? But a haircut? Not just no, but hell no!

[Sana]

Well I guess she is trying to help you out though I feel it's wrong for anyone to try & offer opinion when not asked for! I do feel that asking someone to cut their hair is definitely unethical unless it was mentioned before you joined the job & you are expected to honor it. As long as you don't look messy or you hairs aren't interfering with your work, no reason to expect it to be cut. I did feel a lot of pressue at work to cut my hair, tho' nothing was ever said to me directly. But now I consider it more to be immaturity on my part to have caved in than discrimination from them. I have learn my lesson. Ofcourse I would never let my hair down to work & make sure it's always out of my way.

[Isilme]

Would you like to tell us how you solved the situation?:)

[Missa]

This was a very interesting thread.... In the end I actually moved last week to a new city and a new job. I didn't leave because of the hair, I left to be with a man I love. I am working as a bartender and no one cares what I do with my hair. I do think that it was bordering on harassment and it was definitely inappropriate. I think she did mean well, but she was clueless as to how far she should not go.
Thanks for all the support and comments. I hope other people stand up for their beautiful long hair.

[Alethia]

There are certain jobs where it needs to be made clear by the boss that hair needs to be kept out of the way - food prep, surgery, dealing with patients in general etc. - but to tell people that they need to cut their hair?? Nah. She needs to be politely told to keep her "help" to herself

[curlylocks85]

*BUMP*

Wow! What is wrong with people? If she doesn't like your hair, she should put her attention elsewhere, such as, why she is an ignorant B****! Honestly, she has no respect and I cannot fathom why she thinks your hair is her business. All I can come up with is that she is insecure and she is trying to feel better about herself by trying to tear you down. Again, what is wrong with people? I am sorry you have to put up with such BS.

[HairPlease]

It appears to be human nature for someone to want everything including people's hair, their way.
Well get this folks. You can never have *everything* your way. :doh: But some people don't understand that, she saw your hair regularly and it bothered her as if it was her own hair, because she had to see and deal with it.
Chalk one up to immaturity and inability to deal with something. Just like I get a little irked at overly-ornamented posts at the ends of people's driveways. I hate it! But I don't park in their driveway, knock on the door, and tell them to remove the posts. I certainly don't make an appointment with the construction/landscape department to change the posts for them. But I still hate them. lol

[Jadestorm]

Wow, that's super rude of your boss!

No boss has the right to comment on your appearance like that, and the appointment she made... I wouldn't have been able to respond nearly as nicely as you did, that's for sure ;)
Reading your additional comment your seem to think she really meant well. Of course, we don't know her and don't know your relationship and how it was said, so perhaps she did mean well. BUT she could have just asked you if you'd ever thought of changing your hair and if you had responded that you like your hair the way it is she should drop it...forever.

The fact that she made that appointment, that's just really trying to force what she likes/wants and that is certainly NOT okay, no matter what her intentions were. I can see how non assertive women might feel so pressured that they would go ahead with it when they really didn't want to, worried they might lose their job if they'd say no. If you needed to have a certain hairdo for the job, they should have made that clear in the application rounds. It's a simple as that.

Oh, and good luck with your new job, new place and in your relationship!

[jeanniet]

The OP has not been active here in ages. It's a zombie thread and there's no point in bumping it. There are plenty of current topics!

[lapushka]

Yes, what's up with all these zombie threads lately?

[LongCurlyTress]

This boss is just so wrong on so many levels. Even as a safety issue, a bun should be all that is necessary to get your hair off of your back. :soapbox:

[yahirwaO.o]

Yes, what's up with all these zombie threads lately?

While the person got a fairly happy ending with the problem, sometimes opening an old thread seems a bit smarter than opening other 20 talking more or less about the same... and zombies are cool at some point LOL :p

...and yes this happen to me. I was working for some duchebag who told me to cut my hair, it was all up and covered in headwrap, still he wanted me to cut it and put in a baseball cap (really? :confused:) this and making some snob comments about poor people, I send this person to direct hell :evil::evil::evil:. . I dont like dealing with psychotic people!

[Veridical Angel]

I have a boss who has been making obvious comments about how nice I would look with a hair cut. She even went so far as trying to make an appointment with her stylist for me. She thinks I should get a bob! I told her that my hair now is as short as it is going to get and she seemed irked. Can you believe this! Does anyone else here get pressure from work to cut. It is so frustrating.

Get a note from your pastor. That is against the law.

[woodswanderer]

Well, I think it is appropriate to open a zombie thread if a similar situation occurs and it seems relevant, but I sometimes wonder how these old threads get found if there isn't someone with a current issue looking for info about it.

[Gamma Vector]

Whoa, this wasn't just a zombie thread. You guys, this thread is seven years old. That's like seven-hundred in thread-years. :bigeyes:

But since we're baaaaaack, I have an on-topic post. I had a professor in college tell me that if I didn't cut my hair by the end of the semester, I would fail his class. His reason being that anything past APL was too long to be considered adult and professional, and that if I couldn't "act like a professional adult" I didn't "deserve" to pass his class.

I took the bastard straight to the dean, who is basically a doppleganger for Professor McGonagal. She's a bad-tempered old ex-nun turned radfem with steel gray hair that must be down to at least her waist, which she always wears in a gibson girl. It was hilarious. :wigtongue

[lapushka]

Well, I think it is appropriate to open a zombie thread if a similar situation occurs and it seems relevant, but I sometimes wonder how these old threads get found if there isn't someone with a current issue looking for info about it.

Yes, you said it far better than me, but that's exactly what bugs me a bit. :)

[lapushka]

But since we're baaaaaack, I have an on-topic post. I had a professor in college tell me that if I didn't cut my hair by the end of the semester, I would fail his class. His reason being that anything past APL was too long to be considered adult and professional, and that if I couldn't "act like a professional adult" I didn't "deserve" to pass his class.

I took the bastard straight to the dean, who is basically a doppleganger for Professor McGonagal. She's a bad-tempered old ex-nun turned radfem with steel gray hair that must be down to at least her waist, which she always wears in a gibson girl. It was hilarious. :wigtongue

Woow that is inappropriate on so many levels! What was the outcome?

[Gamma Vector]

Woow that is inappropriate on so many levels! What was the outcome?

He got soundly scolded and I got moved to the same class with a different professor (it was statistics, so.)

[HairPlease]

He got soundly scolded and I got moved to the same class with a different professor (it was statistics, so.)

What a classic example of hypocrisy. Tells you it's not professional blah blah, while at the same time acting completely unprofessional. That professor sounds like a real clown.

A lot of people around where I live have very short hair, like it's a law or something. It makes me wonder how common this "higher up telling you to cut" phenomenon really is and how many people are caving into it to keep a job. Back in the 1950s era, nobody seemed to be able to keep a job without dressing/looking exactly the way their bosses/professors/schools/etc specified, but I thought mankind would grow out of that by now.

[Marette]

I'm afraid I would be waaaay too tempted on this one. That lady sounded like a typical jealous busybody. I think it would be lovely to find a picture of Mia Farrow's pixie cut from "Rosemary's Baby" and take it to her with the explanation that, "While we girls were talking hair, I realized how absolutely darling this would look on you." Oh, so tempting....

[Neelie]

imo there is not a way in hell that a boss would have the right to ask you to cut your hair!! in cases, they may comment on your uniform/get-up or cleanliness but defo not something like your hair! thats just outrages. and i think its more jealousy talking. if that was me, i would bend backwards laughing when that was suggested to me and walked off lol... if she fires you because of your hair, you can sue them for a big sum of cash id imagine...

[lapushka]

He got soundly scolded and I got moved to the same class with a different professor (it was statistics, so.)

Good thing there was another class with a different professor! :)

[curlylocks85]

I decided to comment on this thread because I am bored with most of the more current ones. I can post in any thread I choose, old or not. I do not need anyone's permission.

[Wildcat Diva]

imo there is not a way in hell that a boss would have the right to ask you to cut your hair!! in cases, they may comment on your uniform/get-up or cleanliness but defo not something like your hair! thats just outrages. and i think its more jealousy talking. if that was me, i would bend backwards laughing when that was suggested to me and walked off lol... if she fires you because of your hair, you can sue them for a big sum of cash id imagine...

You may be surprised to learn that people can be fired for little to no reason at all in most places in the US. I live in a "at will employee" state.
http://employment.findlaw.com/hiring-process/at-will-employee-faq-s.html

[spirals]

I decided to comment on this thread because I am bored with most of the more current ones. I can post in any thread I choose, old or not. I do not need anyone's permission.

If they don't want you commenting then they should purge the thread.

[sarahthegemini]

I decided to comment on this thread because I am bored with most of the more current ones. I can post in any thread I choose, old or not. I do not need anyone's permission.

Don't take it personally, I noticed last time there was a bit of a surge in old threads, a lot of members had a bitch fit about it. Lord knows why, it's pretty pathetic to get wound up about it :-/

[mz_butterfly]

Don't take it personally, I noticed last time there was a bit of a surge in old threads, a lot of members had a bitch fit about it. Lord knows why, it's pretty pathetic to get wound up about it :-/


I was wondering the same thing. It's basically someone who doesn't want to talk about something or see something and they don't want anyone else to talk about it or see it either. It's very rude and childish. Why anyone would even report such a thread and make the mods get involved to write a note about it is beyond me.

Nobody owes anyone else an explanation or apology, gee whiz, it's a thread, it still has conversational value.

[neko_kawaii]

The main problem with old threads being bumped is not the initial bumping, it is the subsequent replies. Many people never read beyond the first page or even the OP and so they reply to that. They don't notice that the topic is old, they don't read the replies where the OP issue was resolved, they offer advice to the OP without noticing that the OP has not been active sometimes for many years.

Mods take notice because often (not in this case) the bumping is done by a newbie who is trying to quickly rack up enough posts to access member only content.

[Anje]

There's nothing wrong with bumping an old thread in principle, but sometimes it's odd because it gets people making suggestions for a specific situation that happened years ago to a person who's no longer present. That just gets surreal. :)

[brickworld13]

There's nothing wrong with bumping an old thread in principle, but sometimes it's odd because it gets people making suggestions for a specific situation that happened years ago to a person who's no longer present. That just gets surreal. :)

Like that thread for the two glass dishes that were stuck together. That was weird. :brains:

[wilderwein]

Like that thread for the two glass dishes that were stuck together. That was weird. :brains:

:lol: :lol: :lol: can I get a link to that thread??? Your post cracked me up!

[Anje]

:lol: :lol: :lol: can I get a link to that thread??? Your post cracked me up!

Oh, that's an epic one. It goes on for pages before the OP posted a video in which she managed to get them separated! (Post 76)

Behold, the Pyrexmania thread! (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=13028)
ETA: Oh, check out the tags on the thread, too. Someone was having fun. :)

[wilderwein]

Oh, that's an epic one. It goes on for pages before the OP posted a video in which she managed to get them separated! (Post 76)

Behold, the Pyrexmania thread! (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=13028)
ETA: Oh, check out the tags on the thread, too. Someone was having fun. :)
Thank you so much :flower:
Hahahahahaha Gosh I can't stop laughing! The tags! WHERE WAS I???? Why did I lost such an epic moment (I'm planning to read the whole thread)

ETA: I read the whole thread, and it's just perfect! :lol:

[HairPlease]

Oh, that's an epic one. It goes on for pages before the OP posted a video in which she managed to get them separated! (Post 76)

Behold, the Pyrexmania thread! (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=13028)
ETA: Oh, check out the tags on the thread, too. Someone was having fun. :)

Wow. What kind of forum did I join?! Ha!

This thread has an interesting topic going on, peer pressure, professionals, and opinions, and now we've gone to reading 17 pages about... cups.

I love it. :popcorn:

[Nellon]

I'm in fits of laughter here over that thread! lol Thanks LHC for those tears of laughter. Quite a nice way to end a day. I bid you all goodnight for now. :)

[gthlvrmx]

Oh, that's an epic one. It goes on for pages before the OP posted a video in which she managed to get them separated! (Post 76)

Behold, the Pyrexmania thread! (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=13028)
ETA: Oh, check out the tags on the thread, too. Someone was having fun. :)

That was funny. I didn't read every post but I saw the videos.