Paranoia or actual sabotage?

[Freesia88]

Hey everyone. I'm new to the forum.

All through my childhood I wasn't allowed to have long hair because my mom didn't know how to take care of it. She wanted it to be as easy to take care of as hers, but mine's way thicker and wavier. I have the thickest hair of anyone I've seen in person, and it's also wavy in parts and straight in others.

When I got to high school I was taking care of my own hair. I stopped washing it everyday, I stopped using blow dryers, I basically just conditioned it...combed it...and then brushed it. That was it.

Well my hair grew like weeds and in 2009 it was down to my tailbone. I got so many compliments on it. Women would stop me and say it's beautiful. I had male relatives who would say "never cut your hair" in a complimentary way because they found it so beautiful.

But I have this friend, and I'll call her Angie. She's always trying to get me to cut my hair to almost chin length. I had it that long when I was a child and guess what...since my hair is so, so thick...it poofs out and looks horrible. I told her this and she told me I could just straighten it everyday and use anti-frizz serum on it.

I told her I didn't want to straighten my hair.

This is the part that makes me wonder about everything. She always says she wants long hair herself but if she doesn't straighten her hair (it's not even curly, less wavy than mine) it's so "big and gross". She won't leave the house if she can't put a flat iron in it. So she keeps her hair above her shoulders because if it's any longer she thinks it's too hard to take care of. It takes too long to blow dry, straighten, etc.

I started wondering whether she wants me to cut my hair so bad because it actually does look big and gross, or whether she's jealous because I don't have to do all the upkeep she does for hers. I think her hair's beautiful, but I like my hair natural. You couldn't pay me to spend 2 or so hours a day drying it, then another hour straightening it.

The thing is she encourages me to cut my hair shorter than she has hers. She knows that my hair is so thick it would look horrible in a bob. She knows I won't "take care of it" properly by burning the crap out of it. But she's still really pushy about it.

Last year she convinced me to get it cut from tailbone, where I wanted to keep it. I still really regret doing it. I was in the chair showing the stylist where I wanted it and she kept talking over me. I would put my hand a little past my armpits and she would put it above my collarbone. She literally was trying to force her opinion on me and contradict what I actually wanted. I think the stylist was confused who to listen to and ended up cutting it armpit length. I blame myself for letting that happen.

Now that's its been almost a year and has grown out some, she's encouraging me to cut it again. When I got my hair colored, the stylist said it was very healthy and I shouldn't take length off if I wanted to.

Part of me thinks I'm being paranoid but part of me thinks she's trying to sabotage me. She has really low self-esteem and she's always thought I was prettier than her. I don't. I don't think I'm good looking at all, I'm overweight and not that pretty. But my hair is the one thing that I get compliments on and it makes me feel good about myself to keep it long.

Now I have my aunt (whose losing her hair) telling me that I should cut a couple inches off of mine. "If you cut all those dead ends off it will grow faster". I asked her to show me where my dead ends started and she couldn't. My cousin has hair long as me and she loves it, where as on me she thinks I should get the trendy "short in back long in front" cut. The only different is my cousin straightens hers everyday and adds tons of product to it so it doesn't move. Mines natural and free, and even though I keep it clean and combed, it doesn't look as good as it would if I fried it.

It's really discouraging and it makes me second guess everything. Maybe my friend/aunt's right and my hair looks is ugly. But I don't think it's ugly. I'll never subscribe to the theory only straightened, layered hair is attractive.

Eek, sorry this is so long. Thanks for reading.:pumpkin:

[hmmm]

She's your friend, you said? Are you suuure?

[Aredhel77]

I agree with hmmm, and itsounds like serious hair envy to me.

[Honestwitness]

Freesia88, welcome to LHC. You have come to the right place, if you want support for keeping your hair long.

I have several suggestions. Never take anyone with you to the hairdresser. Never open yourself up to conversations about your hair. If anyone offers unsolicited suggestions about your hair, first smile sincerely, then thank them for their advice. Then change the subject.

Your active participation in this forum is all you need to get wonderful advice on taking care of your beautiful, long hair.

[DuckyDot]

Welcome! Please in future ignore everything this women tells you about your hair. I can bet that your hair was and is beautiful, don't let the jealous people get you down! And as Honestwitness said, never take anyone with you to the hair dresser and never let them confuse the stylist. Here at LHC we will give you any advice on your hair you need and we'll never force you to do things to your hair that you hate, This women is obviously very jealous!

[ktani]

ETA: I forgot to welcome you. Welcome to LHC!

Other people are going to have different opinions period. It may be hair envy by your friend or not.

What is more important is how you feel about your hair.

From your first post, http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showpost.php?p=1290168&postcount=1
"When I got my hair colored, the stylist said it was very healthy and I shouldn't take length off if I wanted to."

The stylist did not think your hair needed any more trimming than you wanted.

Do what you and you only feel is right. If your friend goes with you to a salon again, ask her to please not interfere with your directions to the stylist and if your friend persists, tell the stylist that you and only you are making requests to be followed to the letter.

[pepperminttea]

She doesn't sound like much of a friend, at all. :disgust:

Keep your hair how you want it, never mind what she thinks. Incidentally, have you ever tried self-trimming (http://community.livejournal.com/feyeselftrim/)? That way you could cut the hairdresser out of the equation completely, and trim it when you think it needs it (not when she does).

[cindy58]

Welcome to LHC! Try not to let anyone else tell you what to do with your hair. It's on your head, it's your image at stake. You're the only vote that counts. Try to avoid being impulsive, and it's probably a good idea to go to your salon appointments on your own.

[Angeletti]

It sounds like she's jealous of your hair but that's just my two cents. I would just tell her that if she truly is your friend then she would stop with the hair comments because it's upsetting to you, and if she still continues then maybe she's not a true friend. As with your aunt saying that sometimes I have family members who aren't very knowledgeable about hair and will say the same thing, "if you cut off those dead ends it will grow faster", which is absolutely crazy as we know, but I just learn to ignore it the best I can. If your happy with your hair that's all the matters, don't let your friend or others influence your decisions on it, even though it can be hard. I constantly have my sister nagging me so I know how you feel.

[lapushka]

You've explained to her why your hair would be a mess short, and she *still* persists you have it cut short? No, that doesn't sound like she's being much of a friend. A true friend would understand those reasons perfectly and accept you for who you are. It does sound like she's jealous. Why the heck would a friend, after listening to those reasons, still insist you have your hair cut to a length that would be totally unmanageable for you?

Don't change yourself to suit her demands. :flower: And she is being really demanding. I wouldn't allow anybody to give a hairdresser directions on my behalf! The nerve of that woman! I don't even get why she's still your friend after that fiasco. You're lucky the hairdresser listened to you instead of her.

[luxepiggy]

OK, first things first.

:grouphug: and welcome to LHC :)

Now, on to commentary (^(oo)^)

The salient points you may want to keep in mind are as follows:

The hair in question is attached to your head and your head only
You are the one who has to live with your hair, with all of its unique qualities that make it your hair
They have their own hair, which they are free to do with as they wish
There will always be people in life who want to tell you what to do, what they would do in your shoes, what they think is the right thing, etc., but they will not appreciate you or like you any more just because you listen to themI say ditch the pseudo-"friend" and start spending time with people who are actually supportive of your decisions, the way real friends are (^(oo)^)v

[FrannyG]

:waving: Welcome to LHC!!! I don't know what your friends motive is in all of this.

People always jump to the jealousy conclusion, but there are a lot of people who are just very opinionated on what they think is right. They would love everyone to conform to their opinions.

What her motivation really is, I can't tell you, because I don't know her. Let me just say that I've had more than one friend who treated me in that manner.

You really need to stand up for yourself, keep your hair as you wish, and do not discuss hair with this friend at all.

More importantly, if and when you do get a trim of any sort, go alone. You don't need a friend who is acting as a surrogate mother to go with you.

Please try to just ignore this woman's opinions. Easier said than done, I know, but you can learn to do it.

If you want to discuss hair, this is the place, not with that friend. :hugs:

[x0h_bother]

With your friend, I know where she is coming from with her own routine- I 'had' to style my wavy hair that way when it was shorter.
As for her 'wishes' for you, I think she's jealous and I wouldn't listen to her at all. Don't invite her for your trims. Just tell her to worry about her hair, and you'll worry about yours.
x0

[Fiferstone]

Hi Freesia888:

Welcome to LHC :), you'll find lots of support and advice here for growing long, healthy hair (and advice on what to avoid doing if long, healthy hair is truly your goal).

Just wanted to say the following:

1. It's your hair
2. It's on your head
3. You are the only one who gets a vote on what happens to it.
4. End of story

I'm sorry, but I think your friend's issues with your hair are her problem, and I would not be shy about telling her so. "I like you, I like doing enjoyable, fun things with you, but back off on my hair. Seriously."

[littlenvy]

Tell her to mind her own hair and don't listen to anything she says. Take it from one that has a lot of hair envy ;) ... THAT girl has it BAD!
What kind of a friend is that? :rolleyes:

YOU know how YOU like your hair so YOU keep it that way.

[growing2shine]

Hi Freesia888 and welcome to TLCH. :flower:
I agree with everybody else. It is your hair, and your decision ONLY!!! Don't listen to her because she is just jealous.

[HintOfMint]

As far as her pushiness goes, she sounds like a real piece of work. It's one thing to have an opinion, but to talk over you when you're in the hairdresser's chair is so inconsiderate. She sounds very controlling.

I may be alone in this opinion but she may not be DELIBERATELY trying to sabotage you. However, deep down she may find it deeply unfair that she has to "work" for her look and you have beautiful hair without even trying. In a sense our modern beauty standards have incorporated the idea that nothing worth having is easy, and perhaps she has this idea ingrained in her. I've had several friends express open envy that I have "cosmo-girl" hair without even trying. The difference is that they did not let their sentiments lead to controlling, horrible, and hurtful behavior. She can believe whatever she wants to believe, but her taking her envy, insecurities, and half-baked wishes onto your body is simply not right.

[Sister13]

To quote some Hip-Hop, "Hater's gonna hate ... but that's how you know you're doing great."

Love your hair and keep on doing whachu been doing with it.

:-)

[KittyLost]

A serious case of hair envy.

Keep politely telling her no and to stop bothering with your hair and maybe she will get the hint and accept your lovely long locks :)

[jane53]

I came here back in May because a friend kept telling me to cut my hair. (I'm "too old" for long hair.)

I prefer my hair long.

Case closed.

And personally, I think my hair looks better and is more versatile than her common-as-dirt, boring chin-length bob. Though (unlike her) I would never tell her that.

[kabelaced]

Welcome to the LHC! :grouphug:

Maybe your friend could be trying to get you to change up your hair a little bit because she equates long hair with never wanting to change. Experimentation can be a good thing, but I think you shouldn't have it forced on you. Only change your hair when you feel like trying something different. You already felt regret when she bullied you into getting your hair cut to APL. You say you don't feel so pretty, but is that really your opinion, or have these negative people been poisoning your self-esteem, too? The more you hang with people with low self-esteem, like Angie, the more their attitudes will reflect onto you (and there's no reason to torture yourself like that to make people somehow feel "better").

Even though it may feel like her opinion's worth a lot, it's a lot easier than you think to tell her that it's your hair, your life, and she has some issues to deal with if she's constantly trying to make you look "uglier" to make herself feel better. That's a toxic friendship, girl, and what she's doing to you is :bs:.

Likewise, there may also be a grain of truth in the trimming to grow, but take it with a grain of salt, also. One or two people's opinions should not be enough to make you do something you feel uncomfortable doing!

[lippleyluv]

People like this NEVER get more than a cursory consideration from me. My hair is wavy and bushy and big. Gravity is my FRIEND. The longer it is the more it behaves.

I have a relative that loves long hair- on herself. She is also very insecure and "snarky" about people who have what she wants and doesn't have. She cut her hair into a short inverted bob because she fried her hair with poor, harsh handling, and a flat iron.

The longer my hair gets the more frequently she INSISTS that I should quit coloring and chop it off. My hair is almost comletely white and it does not compliment my shin tone at all in it's natural state. And my hair is a nightmare to manage at shorter lengths.

So, I smile and nod and know that she's squirming inside just hating my hair with jelousy. Don't give the opinion of people like this much value. Do what matters to you!

[ravenreed]

It doesn't matter why she is doing what she is doing. The only opinion that matters when it comes to your hair is yours. Don't discuss it with her anymore and certainly never take her to the salon with you again.

[lw8666]

I agree with everyone else here! It's your hair! Do Not let other people try to fill your head with thoughts! Don't listen to them! Your hair sounds so beautiful and if you want it long, keep it long!

[jeanniet]

Well, first off, I would never allow her to go with you to the salon again! It's hard to say if she's doing what she does deliberately or unconsciously, but it's clear she's overstepping her bounds and I think the best thing you can do for your friendship is to simply put your foot down. Tell her it's your hair and this is the way you like it and will keep it, just as she can keep her hair the way she likes. If she keeps pushing it, ask her why your hair is so important to her, and explain that what she does is starting to affect your friendship negatively. If she still won't stop, you may have to make a decision about how much the friendship means to you. A friend who's trying to control you and force you into doing something you don't want to do isn't really much of a friend.

I understand what you mean about your hair bushing out when it's shorter, because I have the same type of hair (and it took me forever to figure it out!). A trim (an inch or so) isn't going to hurt, but more than that is pointless. What you might do is get regular 1/2" trims a few times a year--that way, if your friend or anyone else says anything about dead ends, you can just say you do get regular trims and leave it at that.

[In2wishin]

I don't have anything to add except: Hi and Welcome Freesia88 :waving:

Stick to your guns and don't let anyone tell you what to do if it contradicts what you feel is right for you. Sounds like you have beautiful hair and I can't wait until you are able to post pictures!

[Alvrodul]

Welcome to LHC, Freesia88! :waving:
I can only chime in with so many of the others and say, Your hair, your decision! If she start talking about your hair, I would suggest that you gently try to steer the discussion elsewhere. And definitel don't take her with you when (if) you decide to go and have it trimmed!
I hope you will find lots of useful information here - I certainly did!;)

[princessp]

Welcome. I don't mean to be harsh, but I think the trouble is with you. How could someone else force you to cut your hair? They can't, you allowed yourself to be influenced by someone else. You said you even had regrets sitting in the stylist's chair. Why didn't you just get up and walk away? You have answered your own question in this post: You like your hair long. It is beautiful and thick. You allowed someone else to influence you against your better judgement. So what exactly are you looking for from us?

I don't have enough info to know what these other people are thinking and what their intentions might be. Frankly, I don't see how it matters if they are jealous or they legitimately like you better with short hair. The question I would ask is what do YOU prefer (and you have answered that).

My suggestion is to work on getting yourself strong enough so others are not influencing you so much. You are an autonomous human being. And as the saying goes: would you jump off a bridge if this friend asked you to? At this moment in time I am not convinced you wouldn't.

With all that said, I am glad you are here. If you ever feel like cutting again, post here for support. Not everyone in the world prefers long hair, but we do. And if you want an honest assessment about hair health we can offer you that as well (we will admire your gorgeous hair sans jealousy). Now forget about what other people think, let's see some pictures of that beautiful hair!

[Miuku]

Don't even bother guessing whether your friend's opinions are sincere or just a case of hair envy. What really matters is that her taste is so different from yours that her advice has absolutely no value for you. Don't listen to any of her hair-related advice, sincere or not.

[estherbeth]

Welcome to LHC! :flower:

Honestly, 'Angie' doesn't sound like much of a friend, if she can't even take your wishes about your hair into consideration. A friend encourages you and helps you - they don't force you into things you don't want to do.

[Sooze]

Am with Princessp on this one. I've been in a similar position when my hair was very long in my younger days. I'd kill for my hair to be like that again now, and it's not going to happen. A combination of natural aging (which is in reality a gene thing and not just an attitude of mind, lol!) and hormones prevent it, but I've followed "friends' " advice when they've thought they knew better, and regretted it. I've also cut my hair length myself, and regretted it.

It's about taking ownership of who you are and what you want, and having the courage to say "I respect your opinion and hope you respect mine" to people who give you advice, well meaning or otherwise, whether that's about your hair or any other aspect of your life where unsolicited advice is proferred.

There also come times in your life when friendships reach a natural end, and it's time to part company. Be thankful for whatever lessons that friend had to impart, and let them go on their way with love, while you move ahead with your own life. ((hug))

[adiapalic]

Hey there and welcome to LHC!

I think you'll find the most support here you'll ever need when it comes to your hair length. But first and foremost, listen to yourself. Look in the mirror and think, "If I saw this hair on someone else, would I admire it?" I bet you would say yes.

It's sad, but I have witnessed the bad advice that others impose in the guise of "friendly honesty." It's hardly ever friendly or honest.

I think everyone here at LHC has given some sound advice.
So don't engage the negative remarks about your hair. Ignore them and change the subject if possible. If it gets too out of hand, confront them about their unwarranted behavior. Question their role as a "true" friend. Most of all, do what it is that *you* want to do with your hair. :flower:

[Amraann]

I also agree with princessp.

Cutting your hair will not make it grow. As hair grows from the roots.

I think that you need to tell your friend that you do not want her opinion about your hair.
Just point blank.
Set your boundaries. She will either remain your friend on those terms or not.

[little_cherry]

Welcome!

Don't listen to her...whenever she says "cut your hair and straighten it", tell her, "No thanks...I like my hair the way I want it, not the way you or anyone else wants it. It's my hair. I don't tell you how to dress." :)

You're in good hands here. :flower:

[Shellby]

Welcome! Ignore others and listen to your inner voice. That advice was given to me by my grandmother. Your inner voice is telling you that your hair is beautiful just as it is. You are beautiful just the way you are.

[Laylah]

Welcome to LHC! :flowers:

From what I can tell, it comes down to this. Can you keep both your hairstyle and your friendship, and if not, which one is more important? And if you can't keep your friendship because of your hairstyle, what kind of friendship is this?

[tigr]

Hi Freesia88!

Welcome to LHC! You have come to the right place. If you decide to accept hair-length and hair-care advice in the future, accept ours. We support long-hair goals!

luxepiggy said a very wise thing:

There will always be people in life who want to tell you what to do, what they would do in your shoes, what they think is the right thing, etc., but they will not appreciate you or like you any more just because you listen to them

IF you decide to keep this woman as a friend, and IF *you* decide you need a trim, you don't need to tell her anything beforehand. Or, you can just lie. Tell her you're going to a junkyard (or some place that wouldn't interest her), and get your hair trimmed in peace.

[MrsGuther]

Any "friend" that is trying to push their hair opinions on you and trying to make you cut your hair is NOT a friend at all! Stay away from her!!!!!!!! And don't let anyone talk you into cutting your hair. It's your hair and YOU should be making the decisions about what to do with it. Tell anyone that tries to get you to cut it to BUZZ OFF!!!

[boomtownrat]

Welcome to LHC! You have received lots of good advice in this thread. I completely agree that you shouldn't take anyone to the salon with you or let anyone talk you into doing things to your hair that you don't want to do. It's not their hair! While I have no idea of their motivations, it sounds like you are dealing with some people who don't necessarily have the best interests of your hair in mind.

A little stubbornness on your part can be a good thing.

[anthonyswife]

I know it's really hard, but try not to listen to her. If you liked your hair the way it was, try to get it back to that, and don't let anyone tell you how to cut your hair. It's your hair to wear the way you want, and she can wear hers the way she wants.

[McFearless]

Your friends a bitch, period. She loves long hair but hers wont get long because of all the damage. Thats why she wants you to cut yours.

I also find that people, me included think we stand up for ourselves...but its usually in our heads. Do you really put her in her place? Next time call her out for sabotaging you. It'll shut her right up.

Welcome to TLHC btw, you'll love it here :)

[AspenSong]

Take it from someone who has BEEN THERE - she's jealous.
Let me tell ya, I had this "friend" once. Been friends forever, I wanted my hair long....like clockwork, once my hair was about APL, I'd be getting excited about getting it longer and she'd start on how much better my hair would look this way or that and we should cut our hair TOGETHER. What would happen? I'd finally give into her bullhockey and cut my hair and she'd decide oh no, she couldn't cut hers! Result? Her with nearly tailbone length hair that everyone ooh'ed and aww'ed over, and me...with a shoulder length bob. Again. Some people are just like that, hard as it is to believe. This is the same friend who when I moved back home after being gone for a couple years and had lost 70 lbs and was no longer her "fat" friend, she started bringing over boxes of ding dongs to "eat with me" and talking me into eating one and she'd sit there and not eat them or anything..did the same thing when we went out to eat and just harped and guilted me into eating junk with her and I was stupid and weak (and admittedly, love the yumyums...lol) and what happened? Somehow she stayed her tiny thin size, and I gained back all I'd lost in two years.

So Trust me, there are people out there who are just trying to sabotage you! I know in my heart 100% now, she did all that on purpose. She didn't want anyone else to have long hair, or be competition (not that I was much, but she was a very Me ME ME person) for her in any way.

Don't, don't DON'T listen to her or anyone else about your hair. It's yours. Do what makes you happy and to heck with anyone else!!! :)

[Wanderer09]

Take it from someone who has BEEN THERE - she's jealous.
Let me tell ya, I had this "friend" once. Been friends forever, I wanted my hair long....like clockwork, once my hair was about APL, I'd be getting excited about getting it longer and she'd start on how much better my hair would look this way or that and we should cut our hair TOGETHER. What would happen? I'd finally give into her bullhockey and cut my hair and she'd decide oh no, she couldn't cut hers! Result? Her with nearly tailbone length hair that everyone ooh'ed and aww'ed over, and me...with a shoulder length bob. Again. Some people are just like that, hard as it is to believe. This is the same friend who when I moved back home after being gone for a couple years and had lost 70 lbs and was no longer her "fat" friend, she started bringing over boxes of ding dongs to "eat with me" and talking me into eating one and she'd sit there and not eat them or anything..did the same thing when we went out to eat and just harped and guilted me into eating junk with her and I was stupid and weak (and admittedly, love the yumyums...lol) and what happened? Somehow she stayed her tiny thin size, and I gained back all I'd lost in two years.

Jeez, how manipulative can people get? -_-

To the OP: it really is your hair, and in the end, no one else can make the decision to get it cut but you. :)

If she's upset about not being able to grow her hair long, why not share some LHC-style hair care advice with her? Maybe encourage her to love her natural texture, and to not feel compelled to straighten it all the time. If you can successfully help her drop her bad hair habits, maybe once she starts to gain some length she will back off.

Of course, the easier thing is to just ignore anything she says about your hair. Sounds hard at first, but if you can make yourself believe that her opinion doesn't matter, you will become happily oblivious and free to enjoy your long hair journey.

And, for heaven's sake, don't ever bring her to your hairdresser appointments again. ;)

[Venefica]

First of all, do not be paranoid. Either you think your friend want you to look worse to feel better yourself, in which case break with the friendship, or you assume she want your best but she do not share your taste, in which case tell her that you appreciate your friendship, but you like your hair long. If you are going to the hairdresser DO NOT BRING HER ALONG! if she offer hair advice DO NOT LISTEN! Basically do not let yourself be talked into doing something with your appearance you are not comfortable with. It is your hair, a part of YOUR body just say no.

You do not need to listen to your friend's beauty tips, just ignore them. I have friends that have vastly different opinions than me on various matters. I do not ask my Atheist friends advice about religion, so do not ask miss you would look good with short hair about hair advice and if she continue to nag then tell her friendly, but firmly that you listened to her once, and you regretted it. You want your hair long and that is the end of it so please stop nagging. It is your hair, not hers.

As for your aunt, I am sure she do not think your hair is ugly, it is probably just advice that it is good to trim an inch now and then to take care of split ends and damage, it is usually a good idea for everyone. I trim my hair an inch every Christmas, and I do generally not have split end or damage, it is a precession.

[30isthenewblack]

Your friend sounds very forceful. You have to decide whether for yourself whether she is a friend worth keeping but I would try and avoid discussing hair with her in future. If she starts talking about it, try and tactfully change the subject. I have a lot of people who make comments about my hair in Australia as a lot of girls tend to straighten their hair. I just ignore their comments. You need to surround yourself with people who share your hair goals. Coming to this forum is a great start - welcome!

[Theobroma]

Friends don't make friends get unwanted haircuts.

[punkcatknitter]

You might want to start asking yourself if this is a toxic friendship. My childhood best friend was VERY jealous and it took me many years to get over the damage she did to my self esteem. She was happiest when I was at my most awkward, and got meaner when I did things like lose weight and get a boyfriend. She couldn't handle having a friend that was prettier than her, or even pretty.

As for your family members: Family are full of bad ideas. lol. Its your hair, do what you want (as I'm sure every person on here has said) and if you want some good opinions, post pictures here and ask for honesty. If your hair looked bad (which I very much doubt it does) someone would find a nice way to say so. :) But I've almost never seen unattractive long hair.

[angelfell]

It surprising the amount of people I meet, and stories about people I read, who want everyone to have a short little bob or something. It's fashionable, right? What I don't understand if it is what everyone should wear, why so many people wear extentions :p. If you feel your hair is long, healthy, and pretty, and you're getting compliments on it.. don't cut it! Let them wear extentions and keep your natural hair :D.

[princessp]

Friends don't make friends get unwanted haircuts.

LOL, so true I love this! :)

[Spike]

Don't think you're being paranoid here, and I have to agree with those who've wondered about the sincerity of your friend's friendship.
The bottom line here is—it’s YOUR hair. YOU have to look at it every day in the mirror. It needs to make YOU happy. :grouphug:

[Freesia88]

Hi everyone!

I haven't bee here in a while but I just read this thread again and loved all the advice. Thanks to everyone who replied, I read each reply and gained something from it. :)

I definitely won't be letting influence my hair length anymore, and I decided to not even tolerate her talking about. If she brings it up I change the topics.

Thanks again to everyone! I can't wait to have hair down to my butt again. :p

[LittleOrca]

Glad to hear it, Freesia. :)

[Emerald Dragon]

Hi Freesia88,

I completely agree with the general consensus here - it's YOUR hair, and you should always do exactly what you want to with it.

Hair is a very personal thing, and the opinion of the person wearing it should matter. Certainly the decision about what to or not to do with it should lie only with the owner of the hair.

While we usually respect the feelings and opinions of those we care about, they are only that - feelings and opinions. Your friend has made it very clear what she thinks you should do with your hair, and now she needs to stop being concerned about it and understand that the decision is yours and yours alone. There's a limit, even with friends.

Just because your friend has low self esteem doesn't mean you have to get stressed about her wanting something for you that you don't - I hope you'll feel confident in what you know is right for you and leave your (big girl) friend to deal with her feelings herself.

[Macaroni]

Angie hates you, get rid of her. I'm serious.

Your aunt is old fashioned in her thinking, cutting hair doesn't make it grow faster. WE all know this.

Your cousin sounds a little envious of your but not as sabotaging as Angie.

Negative comments can be handled politely. Mention to them that you think THEIR hair would look better such and such a way.

[spidermom]

Some people just want you to conform because they did. You can serve your friend as a wonderful example of individuality; maybe she'll catch on one day.

[Lady Neeva]

She's your friend? A true friend would never contradict what you say!
The funny thing is, I never got my hair cut by a hairdresser. Even if my mother commands me to, I rebel and say that hairdressers can't even type your hair length.
Does anyone have any idea how to post a new thread, send PM, etc? I can't even put my signature on!

[julierockhead]

Yeah, I had an overbearing friend like that. It's a burden, but only you can decide if her friendship is worth the irritation.

You plainly like your hair long and enjoy the many compliments you get. So, do what you want. When she talks to you about your hair, don't waffle, or she will continue to work on you. Be very plain and succinct. "I like my hair long, and wavy. I won't change it." Then redirect the conversation to her hair. Repeat as needed.

[Jinglelocks]

Welcome to LHC! Your friend definitely has a case of hair envy. It sounds 100% like she is attempting to sabotage your hair. I do not think that you are being paranoid in this case. Ignore anything hair related that she tells you from this point on, I say. Congrats on having lovely long hair! :)

[battles]

Riiise, army of the dead! :brains:

[swearnsue]

My vote is ditch the friend, keep the hair, and keep her away from your BF, DF or SO.

[mallorykay13]

Sounds like a chronic case of hairenvyious.

[islandboo]

Riiise, army of the dead! :brains:

LOL!! Brains brigade?

[Malibu Barbie]

Freesia88, welcome to LHC. You have come to the right place, if you want support for keeping your hair long.

I have several suggestions. Never take anyone with you to the hairdresser. Never open yourself up to conversations about your hair. If anyone offers unsolicited suggestions about your hair, first smile sincerely, then thank them for their advice. Then change the subject.

Your active participation in this forum is all you need to get wonderful advice on taking care of your beautiful, long hair.

Very well said!!

[citadel]

She's your friend? A true friend would never contradict what you say!
The funny thing is, I never got my hair cut by a hairdresser. Even if my mother commands me to, I rebel and say that hairdressers can't even type your hair length.
Does anyone have any idea how to post a new thread, send PM, etc? I can't even put my signature on!

Really? Friends bicker, friends fight, friends get jealous of each other, friends are human. I've definitely had my fair share of squabbles and frustrating situations with close friends before, but that just makes me feel like I know them better. It would be weird to have a friend who agrees with you 100% on everything in life.

Sure, it sounds like your friend has jealousy issues. But is her hair jealousy the entire representation of her as a friend? Take the good with the bad if she's a friend that you truly care for--tell her that it's hurting your feelings. She doesn't have to love your hair, but if she's a friend, it will surprise her and make her feel bad to know that she's been affecting your self-esteem. Dodging the issue might work for the time being, but unresolved things like this always find a way to simmer to the surface eventually.

[WinterButterfly]

I would say that you only need to work on making you a stronger person. Become more confidant in what you do with your appearance. Maybe do some yoga to strengthen your body and mind. I would do an exparament if I were you. But this is how I am. I would see if doing a few positive things for your appearance caused her to be supportive or if she tries to tare you down. See if she tries to get you to eat junk food if you cut out sweets. See if you buy and wear some nice new clothes that flatter your figure if she reacts badly to them. If she treats you bad and trys to sabatoge you then don't tolerate the behavior. If she is like this, she will either change for the better or seperate from you. Your appearance is for you, not anybody else. And I agree on trying to get her to take better care about her hair. Maybe she can see beauty in more than super straight hair. I know that I find curls quite beautiful. But I can't have them, even with the most desperate damage.

[Freesia88]

Ahh, old post! It reminded I actually cut my hair a couple years ago. :o

I'll say, I stopped talking about my hair with my friend completely it's not worth it. It's just not worth it. I guess I'll have to put it under the category of politics and religion.

My aunt still says stuff like "you need to get about 6 inches of dead ends off". Well I posted pictures of my hair (not cut since 2009 apparently!) and most of the people said get an inch or less trimmed.

I've also had to deal with comments from my cousin. She has really short hair. She has a daughter around four. The daughter used to have really long blonde hair. My cousin cut it into a very short bob. She still looks beautiful of course, but her hair was adorable long.

My uncle mentioned it one and she said "Maggie is a big girl who is going to school now she needs to have a big girl hair cut". Then she went on a rant about girls are treated better if they don't have long hair. While I sit to the side with my long hair...

I guess at 22 I'm not a "big girl".

Ugh, I could go and on. By people's reactions here you'd think having long hair is some sort of renegade rebellion. When in all honestly, I just let it grow. No agenda, I promise.

This is generally how it goes with my family. "When are you going to cut your hair?" Well I don't know. "You should get it shoulder length...add some layers". My hair looks really bad when it's shoulder length because it needs to be weighed down to look good. "Well just use a flat iron and shine/balm/cream/spray". I don't feel like doing all that, I like to brush and go. Plus heat makes my hair frizz out and nothing helps. "Well your hair looks bad NOW...it's all loose and wild and looks trashy". How is it trashy when I brush it and clean it? It doesn't smell. I'm not trashy for keeping a natural wave or keeping it long. "WELL OKAY BUT IT LOOKS REALLY BAD YOU LOOK LIKE A HIPPIE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FIND A JOB LOOKING LIKE THAT BLAHBLAH"

They always seem to get angry and defensive when I defend my hair. But I wouldn't have to if they weren't pushy.

Arg, sorry for the rant. Just seeing this reminded me of everything that's happened since. :)

[WinterButterfly]

People can be rude and dumb. I love the look of thick curly hair. I wish I naturally had curls. But I don't. Good for you keeping your hair the way you like it (and by default the way I like it. Tee hee)

[bbvt]

I have a friend who kept making comments about how she liked me with side bangs better or she thought that side bangs looked better on me, etcetc. I pretty much would just completely ignore her when she made those remarks and just continue on with the conversation by saying something else. It's frustrating because you just really don't care what that person thinks but they don't seem to get it through their skull..

[duchesswannabe]

I guess at 22 I'm not a "big girl".

Ugh, I could go and on. By people's reactions here you'd think having long hair is some sort of renegade rebellion. When in all honestly, I just let it grow. No agenda, I promise.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FIND A JOB LOOKING LIKE THAT BLAHBLAH"
:)

You should have lived in the late 70's (short layered haircuts for women) and 80's (short perms, short cuts) when I had long hair. In the early 80's I had TB hair and in the later 80s I went back and forth between shoulder length or some inches longer. It just wasn't the norm to have longer, unstyled hair then. (I went back to longer layers as well in the late 80's, but it was still "long" by the standards of the day.) Anyway, the TB length hair on me it attracted some attention because most girls in their early 20's were not into hair that long in those days.

Oh, and about the job bit, I did a home haircut job in the late 70's which left me with long side-swept bangs and hair a little below the shoulders (I had the short layered hair before that). You should have heard my father about my hair in my high school graduation photos (because when wearing the cap the bangs kinda got in front of my eyes). The photos made him "sick." Then, one of my parents said that I was never going to get a job "with that hair." The whole job scene then was very anti-long, straight hair. (I never had a problem getting a job because of my hair; I just wasn't super corporate material for other reasons).

[long&blonde]

Welcome to LHC!
I agree with the others who have said your friend doesn't sound much of a friend at all!
And never take anyone with you to the hairdressers:they are tricky enough to manage alone!
I do a hairdresser for color, & was getting french braids I've never mastered this summer. The hairdresser was nonstop not too nice insults:telling me I needed over a foot of my hair cut off! Meanwhile; if I am caught in a rain, my hair air drys on a bus? I bet I get more compliments on My (hip-ish?)length hair after that:than she & her heavy product above shoulders hairdo get in a month. But I realize,she's trying to gain;my business. Maybe even keep the business of others who might stop salons if there were too many of us long hairs walking around! You, and your hair, sound beautiful! Guy relatives are among the best opinions I think, for how your hair truly looks best. But the most important opinion;and the only one that counts is;your own! I get a feeling you really liked your hair best at tailbone...I'd go for it and grow it back! Then trim myself or find a super long hair stylist,or one who is a stylist for another long hair, to trim it for you. Meanwhile;relax and enjoy the hair & figure you have now! Find a clothing style you are comfortable in yourself, even if its jeans or slacks,or long flowy gypsy skirts and hiking boots,with loose mens shirts over, and get yourself different variations of it,different colors. Feel beautiful;you will be beautiful! Ask your "friend"what her problem is next time she critiques you. Tell her she should critique & make decisions on her own hair, not yours,leave you out of it! Tell your family "I love you,but about my hair:sorry! Oh well!" I apologize this became so long:but;I related! More good news:this type of thing happens to you more in your younger years (Why I related!) At 57? Everyone gives up critiquing,(except hairdressers of course). Others just get a kick outa you. So;hang in there! And keep us at LHC informed on your hair growing progrss!!