I'm rather....upset with my co-workers...

[Shadow Walker]

Long story short, after a long week at work everyone in my department decided to go out for a few beers and relax. After maybe an hour or two, somehow everyone got started on me and my long hair, saying how hilarious it would be if someone came up behind me with a pair of scissors and chopped my hair off....even my supervisor was joking about it.

I tried to play it off, but they continuously joked about cutting my hair off or running a razor down the middle of my head if I was ever at a party with them and passed out or something. This made me a little mad, but even when I made it clear that it wasn't funny to me, they kept insisting that I would have to "look out". They also thought it was funny to walk up behind me and pull my hair (which was tied back in a ponytail from work) about 4 times, despite me telling them to knock it off.

Guess I won't be hanging around my co-workers outside of work ever again..... :mad:

Sorry, just had to vent. Someone taking part of my identity away from me isn't something I find funny, so needless to say I'm a little bent and at the same time concerned that someone might try to play a "joke" on me....

[Shorty89]

Have you talked to your higher ups about this?If it's not stopping after you told them to stop I would inform them and see what they'll do about it.

[Shadow Walker]

Have you talked to your higher ups about this?If it's not stopping after you told them to stop I would inform them and see what they'll do about it.

No I haven't, this just happened a couple of hours ago after work. I don't think there's much the 'higher ups' could do, since this happened off the clock.

[Kirin]

Ugh....... just........ ugh. I wish I had some words for wisdom for this, but, sadly my mind only wraps around kicking some of their *sses, personally.

[30isthenewblack]

That is very disrespectful of your coworkers. No one has the right to comment on other people's appearances. The only time is when it would be okay if it was an OH&S issue. I have curly hair and I get annoyed even when people ask me if I straighten my hair.

[Jaime]

WEll, that hasn't happened to me, but I wouldn't take it lightly either if it did. I wouldn't raise the issue with them first, but if they bring it up, I suggest letting them know clearly and firmly how unacceptable it was.

I also agree that spending time with those jerks after work is probably not a fun time.

8) Jim

[LisaButz2001]

Given the frequency with which these "jokes" were repeated and the mock removal of your ponytail (yanking to simulate a possible chop) off the clock or not, I'd report it. One of these geniuses might do more than just talk about it. Your hair is gorgeous, by the way, just had to throw that out there.

[happylynngilmer]

I talked about an incident that happened to me in high school before on here, and I don't really want to type it all out again LOL but let's say that there was once a girl who talked and talked disgustingly about a braid I had that was longer than the rest of my hair and one day, she caught me off guard and did cut it off.
Some people just don't understand the difference between a funny practical joke that is harmless and something that is utterly painfull (physically or emotionally). I would tell someone you trust about this since obviously your co-workers are not taking you seriously. And continue to tell them as many times as necessary that you're serious about your hair.

If I had spoken up and told the girl I knew to shove her thoughts up her bum, maybe she wouldn't have done it.

[RavennaNight]

If that goes further, and they continue their jokes at the workplace after you firmly and seriously tell them: "All joking aside, SERIOUSLY, I like my hair, leave it alone, ENOUGH!"; go to HR. If your supervisor is involved in the comments, it is then a form of harrassment.

[MermaidGirl]

I'm in agreement with the others that say you should tell your supervisors about this incident and insist that they make an actual note of it in your file, with date, time, names of participants and comments made by them, if you can remember those specifics. If you have to type up a "report" and submit it to your supervisors and/or personnel yourself, then do that.

That way, your issues with their behavior goes on record and should any one of those jerks actually attempt to carry out their evil plan, you will have proof of their premeditation of the act and your objections to their comments at today's get together. It might be a good idea to have these idiots "talked to" by the supervisors. Insist that the supervisors call each one in individually and explain to them in no uncertain terms that what they thought was so darned funny is actually considered assault and battery with intent to harm (what if they do come at you with scissors and you try to fend them off and they end up stabbing you in the eye accidentally?) and you will press charges should they take clippers to your head.

[hurricane_gia]

If your supervisor is involved in the comments, it is then a form of harrassment.

That's right. The relationship of boss-subordinate doesn't end at 5 p.m. It's okay to relax a little outside of work, go out for drinks or play softball together. But it would be inappropriate, for example, for your boss to date you, even if the dates all technically take place after hours. It is also inappropriate for your boss to joke about physically assaulting you. :(

I think you should speak to your boss's boss. Also, put it in writing, so you have a record just in case. Write down any further harassment and if, gods forbid, someone actually does cut your hair, you have a documented history of ongoing harassment and you can take your case to a lawyer.

[Carina]

I understand what you mean.My boyfriend gets that same comment alot.He has been a longhaired guy for 30 years and they still tell him that they want to cut it.Me on the other hand can't wear it down at work because some people stare at me if I do.I'm only at bsl right now.By the way,You have very beautiful hair.

[wimsey]

You might also let them know that you would consider it assault and battery and press charges.

[EdG]

This made me a little mad, but even when I made it clear that it wasn't funny to me, they kept insisting that I would have to "look out". This is serious. You may want to remind your co-workers of the following.

Joking in that manner is considered harrassment. It doesn't matter that it happened during non-work hours. Your company's HR would fully support you. If the harrassment occurs repeatedly, your co-workers could find themselves unemployed.

Secondly, cutting someone's hair against his/her consent would be considered assault. You could have them sent to jail for that. :(
Ed

[jojo]

Well seeming as a smack in the mouth would cause offense, I won't advise that!

Seriously this needs to be nipped in the bud, a jokes a joke but this is personal. what makes it a difficult situation is the fact it happened outside working hours. As I see it you have 2 choices;

1) Laugh it off and never go for an out of work drink
2) Report the matter to your superiors.

It is a threat, no matter how tongue in cheek it may seem.

A few years back, well 16 years ago my DH had midback length hair, his was not as nice as your's it was ratty to be honest, but he was forever being teased about his hair. One day when he was at the bar a 'friend' came up and cut his ponytail off.

So threats can turn into reality, please don't shrug this off its threatened assault at the end of the day.

Good luck Shadow and let us know how you deal with this.

[magicatt]

I'm going to second saying something before someone does decide to put the plan into action. I had a girl cut off one of my braids in fourth grade. My hair was not super-long, but it was long enough for me to do two braids, which I wore a lot. I started getting picked on for wearing braids a lot and several people joked that they should cut them off someday. Then, one day, one of the girls took a pair of scissors and cut one of my braids right off. I was devastated and wound up having to have a pixie haircut to even things out. I wish I had told a teacher or someone that they had been threatening me. Perhaps it wouldn't have happened.

[psvzum]

Wow.....your coworkers sound like a bunch of (#*($#'s. You have absolutely beautiful hair. I bet they're intimidated by your uniqueness. I'm sorry you have to deal with a bunch of immature baboons : )

[sapphire-o]

These guys need to grow up. I thought yanking somebody's ponytail for fun is for 6 year old kids. How on earth is teasing other people about their hair fun, anyway?

[Gumball]

I agree with those saying you should tell someone if it really feels like it's very out of hand. I think it sounds like it especially if they didn't respect you enough to stop when you very sternly let them know how you felt. That really isn't a cool thing to do at all. It's like you saying "It would be so funny if I stapled a note to your leg!" Would they say they don't like it especially if you kept bringing it up? Probably. You wouldn't joke about cutting off their finger. They shouldn't joke about cutting off your hair. I mean their finger wouldn't grow back... Or would it? They sound pretty lizard-like to me.

[littlemiss]

I know this feeling as I have a friend that constantly jokes about cutting my hair off :( I really would be scared ever to be near her and scissors as she does not take me or my hair seriously, it really show great charterer NOT!!
if I was you I would keep my distance from these people my motto with work colleagues is I might have to work with them but I don't have to socialize with them!! or even like them!! ;)

[flapjack]

How rude! And how incredibly immature and unprofessional, especially on your boss's part.


I think you have several options for dealing with this, all that have been mentioned in the thread, which is full of good advice. There are many correct options here and you should do whatever you feel is appropriate. If you feel in your gut that this is threatening and requires you reporting it then you should definitely do so. Good luck with this and I hope they don't bother you about your hair in the future.

[Gilly]

Long story short, after a long week at work everyone in my department decided to go out for a few beers and relax. After maybe an hour or two, somehow everyone got started on me and my long hair, saying how hilarious it would be if someone came up behind me with a pair of scissors and chopped my hair off....even my supervisor was joking about it.

I tried to play it off, but they continuously joked about cutting my hair off or running a razor down the middle of my head if I was ever at a party with them and passed out or something. This made me a little mad, but even when I made it clear that it wasn't funny to me, they kept insisting that I would have to "look out". They also thought it was funny to walk up behind me and pull my hair (which was tied back in a ponytail from work) about 4 times, despite me telling them to knock it off.

Guess I won't be hanging around my co-workers outside of work ever again..... :mad:

Sorry, just had to vent. Someone taking part of my identity away from me isn't something I find funny, so needless to say I'm a little bent and at the same time concerned that someone might try to play a "joke" on me....

That is so bad!
How dare they even think about it, if it happens again just inform them that they will be on the LHC hitlist!!! :patrol:

[Crysania]

how about putting a few caps of acid in their drink, that is going to give them a good reason to laugh and be stupid :mad:

no but seriously, it really is a pain that you have to work with them everyday
if they are keeping it up, i would want to change work place thats for sure, but if you do, make sure you make a complaint to the whatever ''norm of work'' you have in your country
you have really nice hair, good luck to you:agree:

[DavidN]

I am genuinely sorry to hear that you have been subjected to this, Shadow Walker, and in my opinion, this is workplace harsassment, pure and simple.(regardless of whether it happens at the workplace or after work) I would suggest a serious talk with your supervisor, and if he does not back down, I would suggest talking to his superiors or people in the human resources section.

[k_hepburn]

What jerks. I agree with others here that you should consider reporting this as mobbing. Basically, the put you down on account of your looks (narrow minded idiots) and threatened to commit assault to "get you in line". Now, I'm all for being able to take a joke, but when they persist to harass you even after you telling them to cut it out, they really did cross a line. The story reminds me of law suits recently brought on by women in some big brokerage firms and banks, who would be subjected to an "after work" culture of visiting strip bars and the like. As far as I recollect those firms had to pay out big time. So if I was working in your firm's HR department, I would certainly take that kind of a complaint very seriously.

As far as your co-workers are concerned, if they should happen to consider it a bright idea to bring up the subject again, I suggest that you state very clearly that you do not consider this a joke any longer and that you will pursue anybody for assault who dares to touch your hair.

Greetings

katharine

[KnightsLady]

Long story short, after a long week at work everyone in my department decided to go out for a few beers and relax. After maybe an hour or two, somehow everyone got started on me and my long hair, saying how hilarious it would be if someone came up behind me with a pair of scissors and chopped my hair off....even my supervisor was joking about it.

I tried to play it off, but they continuously joked about cutting my hair off or running a razor down the middle of my head if I was ever at a party with them and passed out or something. This made me a little mad, but even when I made it clear that it wasn't funny to me, they kept insisting that I would have to "look out". They also thought it was funny to walk up behind me and pull my hair (which was tied back in a ponytail from work) about 4 times, despite me telling them to knock it off.

Guess I won't be hanging around my co-workers outside of work ever again..... :mad:

Sorry, just had to vent. Someone taking part of my identity away from me isn't something I find funny, so needless to say I'm a little bent and at the same time concerned that someone might try to play a "joke" on me....

Sorry to hear you've had a problem with this ShadowWalker.

If it were me and this was the first occurrance, I'd take the supervisor aside and have a quiet word (didn't think it was funny, any future comments/actions could be considered harassment and you'd prefer that didn't happen etc etc). Also make a note for your own records of what happened, what was said etc. That way you won't have to rely on your memory if anything happens later.

Sometimes all it takes is a quiet word for a situation to be fixed. Something will need to be said, however, in order to keep it from snowballing, especially as so many were in on the "joke".

KL

[shelleybean]

Sheesh Shadow, how terrible. :( What folks don't seem to get is how physically threatening it is to say that. It's not very different from saying "I'm going to punch you in the face".

I agree you should attempt to speak with your supervisor about this. Let him know that if this happens again and he doesn't step in to stop it that you'd be talking to HR. I'd also start keeping a little journal of incidents about it. Start with incident last night, date, time, who's involved and what was said. Then add an entry for your conversation with your supervisor. Then if you have to bring this to HR's attention you'll have all the details and won't have to rely on your memory. It can also point out a pattern, who's the main offender and your boss lack of action.

Oy! Workplaces can really be like pre-school sometimes. I hope things get better and I think it's terrible to think of someone cutting your gorgeous hair.

[FrannyG]

Not funny. Not even a bit. I fail to understand why people find this sort of harassment amusing, but so many people do this, although, more commonly in grade school.

I would consider this a serious threat, ShadowWalker. I think you really need to firmly and calmly tell these people that you would not hesitate to press charges of assault and battery if they were to ever touch a hair on your head. Look them straight in the eye and they'll know you mean it.

[kimki]

I'm sorry you had to deal with this. I agree with what other's were saying that you should take this seriously and make a point of saying something. If you let people get away with something like this I think they tend to push it further the next time.

It also sounds like bullying to me. I hope you get it sorted out. :flower:

[Velvettt]

My response? "Can you hold off a bit? My lawyer's on vacation right now and I'd want to get this into court as soon as possible."

[spidermom]

A lot of times when people are drinking they think they're being really funny, even witty, but they're just being obnoxious.

[Delenn]

See, as soon as they insisted that I had to "watch out" I would have no qualms about telling them that their threats were noted and I would've gotten up and left. After you tell someone to knock it off and they disregard your request as far as I'm concerned that's my queue to either turn on my own aggression or to leave.

If they continue this back at work I would seriously get HR involved.

[Stevy]

Aren't work 'jokers' the pits? Hope you can find some more amusing people to drink with!

[Shadow Walker]

Thanks for the great advice everyone, it will be well heeded. I'm certainly not going to stand by and let some immature morons threaten to destroy part of my identity, believe that.

[truepeacenik]

Ok, Shadow, you didn't say what industry you work in, or the culture in the office (is joking tolerated? I know in journalism, some comments can dance the line, and some are crude, but we kind of expect it, since we are to question everything. Sort of gallows humor.)

If HR would bother itself with an off-site incident depends on your company. The fallout from reporting drunken jests off hours will depend on your co workers. See if anyone apologizes once you are all back at work.
Do chat with the supervisor and point out that you are now on guard with your work "team" because of the comments. This is detrimental to getting the job done.

It becomes your supervisor's concern to keep he job running well.
and up the ladder if he/she does not act.

[Indigo Girl]

Wow, that's horrible you had to deal with that Shadow Walker. Ugh.

I agree with clearly documenting everything so you have a solid point of reference should you happen to need it in the future. You did the right thing by firmly standing your ground.

I hope you are able to get it straightened out okay.

[Shypii90]

This made me a little mad, but even when I made it clear that it wasn't funny to me, they kept insisting that I would have to "look out".

I really can relate to this. All my old friends used to pass these comments nearly everyday, saying they'd secretly get a buzzer to a friend's sleepover and buzz off my hair while i was asleep, or they'd all gang up and cut "that mess" off. My hair wasn't even long, it was like 5 inches at longest!! But since it's curly, people are quite intolerant of the awkward stage, especially in my country's heat which makes people impatient and offensive.

Because of what my "friends" said, I either barely slept at sleep overs, slept after they were all knocked out, or else refused to go at all costs. Sometimes my sister or mum jokingly pass the same comment but when I say "cool and I'd shave yours off the next night" they quickly zip it. Luckily I don't talk to those people anymore.. people I know now barely say a word about my hair (they're used to my angry outbursts) :)

Just thought I'd share that about my experience.
As for yours, I suggest telling a higher-up.. I know it seems childish to do this, but that should get them in control. Or else like you said, just don't hang out with them anymore. That isn't hard to do ;)

Good luck!

[<She>]

You already have gotten good suggestions, Shadow Walker, I don't have anything else to add except that I agree with everything said before. If it isn't as serious as it looks, just don't hang out with your coworkers in future. If it is serious then take the issue to a higher level. Good luck!

[Shadow Walker]

truepeacenik, I work in lawncare and chemical pesticide applications. Normally it's pretty laid back around there, but everyone in my department is of the fratboy mentality and can get wound up pretty quickly, especially when beer is involved.

[hurricane_gia]

truepeacenik, I work in lawncare and chemical pesticide applications. Normally it's pretty laid back around there, but everyone in my department is of the fratboy mentality and can get wound up pretty quickly, especially when beer is involved.

In that case, you should switch to Organic Lawncare. I work in the Organic Landscaping Industry and *every body* has either long hair, or dreads, or both.

[truepeacenik]

frat boy explains it all. flippin' white hats.
I get the "monkey dance" mocking me at shows.
I'd think lawn care would be like construction was: a bit out there but ultimately not caring what someone else did.

[Velvettt]

After reading this, I was curious and asked my husband if he had any similar experiences at work. His hair is about the same length as yours, but very curly. He works as an industrial mechanic in a factory, in a very -- shall we say, less than intellectual group? He said in the years he's been there, no one has ever spoken that way to him. He was curious to know if you worked with churchy people, because those are the only ones who have ever given him grief about his hair. I'm guessing the answer to that one is "no". :D Frat boys, indeed.

[Solitude]

Haven't read the whole thread. Just wanted to comment as I see some others have already regarding your supervisor being in on the teasing. Um, that's soooo wrong. Time to talk privately to your supervisor, then go above his head if you do not get satisfaction.

[Nevermore]

That is absolutely terrifying and inappropriate and just WRONG. I'd be very worried about what those people would do if they got a chance, honestly. Definitely complain to higher ups, at least to make them aware that your coworkers and supervisor have threatened to assault/joked about assaulting you. Because that's what cutting someone's hair against their will is. They may not be able to reprimand them, but they'll know about it in case your coworkers and sup actually follow thru.

[Red_Wednesday]

This really bothered me a lot- I hope you report them!!! What a rotten thing to do!!

[Never2old]

Yikes!

I hope Spidermom is right, that they thought they were being funny. Maybe a 'one beer' limit for future social time -- that kind of talk would be my cue to leave.

[maskedrose]

Everything has already been said, but I just wanted to let you know that I think it's terrible! You have gorgeous hair and it makes me sad that anyone would threaten (jokingly or not) to cut it off :(

[connie]

I would make a point of talking privately to your supervisor about the incident & how seriously you take the situation. That pretty much puts the ball in his court to handle the rest of the frat boys. They probably all thought they were being funny, but I bet a one-on-one talking to from the supervisor during work hours would set them straight.

They don't have long hair themselves, so they probably don't get it that you consider your hair part of your identity. Hopefully a quiet, sober chat will fix that.

[galen]

Frat Boys??? They are nothing but drunken bullies trying to goad you into a reaction.

Never get into a wresting match with pigs, you both will get dirty and the pigs love it.

[domonic_uk]

I have been in similar situations and if I fell uneasy I just go home early, although the supervisor joining in is a bit much as they are supposed to set an example. Another tactic is to reply with snide comments about there bald head or grey hair. Not nice to stoop to there level but I have found that nothing else works.