Quite disappointed with my hair...I don't know what to do

[Dreams_in_Pink]

Okay, i kept myself from complaining about my hair, but it's starting to get to my nerves right now.

For all my life, my hair has looked UGLY. I really mean that! Nothing i do to it makes it look nice and smooth, even LHC style hair care. The worse part is, even hair dressers cannot make it look "okay". My hair is coarse and not too thick. It's always frizzy or poofy. It hardly ever shines. Waves are not defined, even on my virgin roots. It sheds like crazy and i have severe dandruff problem. (i can fix the dandruff problem with ketoconazole shampoo or tea-tree oil)

For the record, i'll list the things i tried:

Commercial hair care products...not a slight difference.
Flat iron...Never makes my hair straight and smooth like it's supposed to, no matter how much heat i use or how carefully i do it. Besides, it only lasts 10 minutes.
Cones...no difference.
Oils...better than cones and commercial stuff (conditioners) but still, doesn't make a visible difference (i tried sweet almond, coconut, olive, castor, jojoba and macadamia oils, as far as i remember)
Blow-drying...no.
Henna...My oh my! Don't even ask!!! Turned my already coarse hairs into sewing thread!!
Hair-dye...nope.
Wet-setting...The best one. But it only works on waist+ hair, otherwise i end up with an afro.
Cutting or trimming...Doesn't work. I chopped all my damaged hair once and that left me with the worst looking hair EVER.
Clarifying...no difference.
SMT...no difference (though i didn't use aloe vera...cannot find it here.)
S&D...my hair doesn't split, that's not the culprit.
Not combing...Not a good idea. Apparently, my hair hardly ever forms the spirals curly hair dries into. It's bendy ends and massive amounts of frizz. Combing smoothes it a little.
CO...Gunky hair and scalp!!! Besides, conditioners don't work on my hair, i tried a bunch.
WO...Again, gunky hair and scalp.
Protein...Talk about brown wires growing from my head.

I'm at a loss. Wherever i look i see "nice" hair; only one percent or so has hair as frizzy as mine. I'm not going to cut it because i know it won't get me anywhere. I'll grow it to tailbone because at least my hair will look "mighty" if not "gorgeous". Till then, what shall i do? I'm on the verge of buying a wig and wearing it for the next 3 years :(

P.S. Don't get fooled by the pictures in my album. My hair's either styled or heavily oiled or damp in those pictures, it really doesn't last all day once left down for a few hours.

[wtchmel]

your hair is fine. Unfortunatly we as people are always our own worse enemy. Not everyone can have that slick/smooth (societies viewpoint) of beautiful hair. Having thick, wirey, coarse hair may allow you to grow your hair out to a very long length with not alot of damage(provided you don't try to tame it). Be thankful for the hair you have, there are millions out there with no hair or thinning hair that would give anything to have your hair. You're fine.

[Lianna]

You said wet setting worked the best, how about something similar as drying in a low damp bun? I would also add 2 drops of oil while still damp.

Or maybe do a low pony and wear rollers on it. There is also plopping, I think you could try that, your hair isn't that short! :)

[morecowbell]

your hair is fine. Unfortunatly we as people are always our own worse enemy. Not everyone can have that slick/smooth (societies viewpoint) of beautiful hair. Having thick, wirey, coarse hair may allow you to grow your hair out to a very long length with not alot of damage(provided you don't try to tame it). Be thankful for the hair you have, there are millions out there with no hair or thinning hair that would give anything to have your hair. You're fine.

Ditto. :)
And for the record, I love wild untame-able hair! I think it's romantic and beautiful, and I would love to have some of your texture! :)
In terms of taming it, you might have to wait til it's longer for damp bunning/braiding to work for you, but those two techniques can really help tame a beautiful mass of thick, lovely hair. :D
Aw, now I feel sad about my straight hair that has no personality... See? Grass is greener and all that. :o

[Dreams_in_Pink]

your hair is fine. Unfortunatly we as people are always our own worse enemy. Not everyone can have that slick/smooth (societies viewpoint) of beautiful hair. Having thick, wirey, coarse hair may allow you to grow your hair out to a very long length with not alot of damage(provided you don't try to tame it). Be thankful for the hair you have, there are millions out there with no hair or thinning hair that would give anything to have your hair. You're fine.

Everybody has something to be thankful about. In the end, we all should be thankful for we're alive. That's not the case. If we say "be thankful for what you have" to everyone needing help on this board, it would no longer be the supportive community it is now, right?


You said wet setting worked the best, how about something similar as drying in a low damp bun? I would also add 2 drops of oil while still damp.

Or maybe do a low pony and wear rollers on it. There is also plopping, I think you could try that, your hair isn't that short! :)

Wet-setting always works. But when i roll half of my hair, the un-rolled part is frizzy and ends are nice & smooth.

When i put my damp oiled hair in a bun, it's very smooth when i take it down. But that does not last :( in an hour or two, it's dry and crunchy again.

Plopping didn't work; at least with this length. Half of my hair goes straight and half goes curly. :(

[Lianna]

Ditto. :)
And for the record, I love wild untame-able hair! I think it's romantic and beautiful, and I would love to have some of your texture! :)
In terms of taming it, you might have to wait til it's longer for damp bunning/braiding to work for you, but those two techniques can really help tame a beautiful mass of thick, lovely hair. :D
Aw, now I feel sad about my straight hair that has no personality... See? Grass is greener and all that. :o

To the bolded, you could also try to 'damp twist' or something like that, my hair is really short and I can do that. I think you could bun with APL hair though. There's also the looped pony-tail. :D

I also think your pictures are beautiful...I only wanted to help because I also struggle with fly-aways everywhere and undefined waves. Right now damp pony-tails work for me.

I have also tried all you said on the OP, but henna works fine if I mix with conditioner and flat irons work for a day or two (I don't wanna do that though). I did loved my "roller-set afro" when the hair was shorter! Lovely with cute headbands/clips. :D

[Lianna]

When i put my damp oiled hair in a bun, it's very smooth when i take it down. But that does not last :( in an hour or two, it's dry and crunchy again.

Plopping didn't work; at least with this length. Half of my hair goes straight and half goes curly. :(

I'll keep thinking/searching new ideas. :D

[Dreams_in_Pink]

I also think your pictures are beautiful...I only wanted to help because I also struggle with fly-aways everywhere and undefined waves. Right now damp pony-tails work for me.

I have also tried all you said on the OP, but henna works fine if I mix with conditioner and flat irons work for a day or two (I don't wanna do that though). I did loved my "roller-set afro" when the hair was shorter! Lovely with cute headbands/clips. :D

To be honest, not my whole hair is APL. I have hairs ranging from chin to APL, which makes it hard to hold most buns and twists (rope braid would be awesome way to style, but it unravels) This isn't a natural taper by the way; it was thinned by a stylist and i haven't got a trim ever since.

ETA: thanks Lianna :D

[Lianna]

I just rememberd I've read some good reviews done by curlies on the Eco Styler gel. They used leave-in conditioner under it so the hair is a little softer.

[manderly]

But you're a 2c, you don't HAVE smooth hair. It sounds to me more about you not liking your hairtype than having ugly hair. I think it looks very pretty :D

You have to be happy with what your hair is before you can see it as beautiful :flower: We always want what we can't have. People with waves want straight or curls, not waves. People with straight want waves or curls, not straight, and people with curls wish they could do ANYTHING else with their hair and have it look decent like straighties and wavies ;) Until you embrace the type of hair you have and know it's limitations (and it's specialties) you are going to feel this way.

You're still at kind of a funky stage for waves. Do you know I thought I was a wavy until I was a little longer than you? Then POOF, out came the curls. Waves and curls need A LOT of length on the most part to behave well and establish their full patterns.

I hope you feel better about your hair soon :flower:

[Lianna]

But you're a 2c, you don't HAVE smooth hair. It sounds to me more about you not liking your hairtype than having ugly hair. I think it looks very pretty :D



So many 2c's here. :p If her hair is like mine somewhat, I think it's just about not having it fly everywhere and not feel hard to the touch. I feel like I'm stalking this thread. :cool: I will be reading, since I want new ideas too!

[Sylvanas]

I'll tell you this - thick and wavy hair benefits so much from gaining length. My hair is not long atm (BSL), and thus takes a lot of styling to make it look ok. When I get past waist, as if by magic, my hair looks quite pretty. It weighs itself down, and I can sleep with a loose braid and wake up with perfect waves. The thickness no longer looks ridiculous, and the blunt ends (which can easily make my head look like a triangle when it's shorter) suddenly look great and healthy.

I'm not saying your hair looks bad now, I'm saying it will only get better and better as it keeps growing. Though we do not have the exact same hairtype (mine's fine), I recognize the troubles of waves and having lots of hair. I saw you tried - and hated - conditioner, but finding the right one to use only on the length, could do a lot for your waves. You just gotta rinse, rinse rinse to avoid the gunk! :D

If your hair bothers you that much, bun it, put it in a ponytail or braid it, forget about it for a while. It's perfectly normal to have periods where you hate your hair, or other things about yourself, but don't let it get you down. Your hair does not look horrible, even if it feels it to you. There is a style or a helpful product out there that will work for you, and one day you will find it. Have some faith :)

[aenflex]

Dreams - I have the same type of issue, though not quite the same hair type. Mt hair is pretty coarse and laying flat is something it NEVER does unless coaxed by maniplation/heat/oils. It isn't curly per se, and it sure isn't straight. I thought my hair was ugly my entire life, when it was, and even when it probably wasn't so bad. My hair is also NEVER shiny, period, unless it is dripping in oil. I am not trying to belittle your situaiton, I just am saying that I had to resign myself to certain facts, and just do the best I could, I know my hair will never be smooth, sleek and fluid. I will work around it. I think you might should do the same. I know it becomes tricky when we are looking at pic of all this gorgeous hair that lives at LHC. But persevere, my friend.
*How often do you SMT? Dry, coarse hair can afford it once per week, I think. \
*How often do you wash? I wash 2 X per week, max 3 if I'm super dirty. I rinse in between wash days. The more often I wash my hair, the dryer and more malleable it becomes.
*Layers - I actually think you should leave the layers in your hair, at least until it's longer. All one lenght hair that is frizzy can become quite large. I'm betting layers help with controlling volume? I could be wrong there tho :)
*How do you sleep with your hair? If you are not using a satin sleep cap or pillow case, I highly recommend getting one. I'm dead serious. A 3$ satin-esque bonnet from Walmart has literally improved my hair's texture, specially in the back, greatly. I swear by this practice.
*Heat. I don't about you, but when my hair gets past my ears, I must quit heat alltogether. It really ruins my dryish, coarse hair.

Over the weekend I leave my hair oiled and up (finally). I dont' care what people may think or say. So in summary - less washing, more oiling (find that holy grail oil, keep looking, ask for samples), no heat and satin sleeping arrangements are my advice to you. And patience. Once you get most of your lenth to a bonafide BSL/APL and beyond, it will lay straighter.
Light cones perhaps?
Good luck, and I too echo the sentiment that your hair looks great in the pics. Give yourself a huglet!

[jackie75]

Just wanted to post some support & understanding. I have tried so many things with my hair, but yet it gets either very poofy/dry, wavy and smooth, but it took a lot of oil to get it that way and it ends up looking greasy. Or, after a cassia treatment, my curls come out in full force (like my avatar pic). It looks decent, but I want smooth straight hair!!

When my hair was tail bone length, it really did calm down a lot because of the weight. The longer my hair got, the straighter and smoother it became.

Here's to hoping that we both "grow" to love our hair. :)

[lapushka]

But you're a 2c, you don't HAVE smooth hair. It sounds to me more about you not liking your hairtype than having ugly hair. I think it looks very pretty :D

That's what I thought when I read this. I felt this way about my hair when I was a teen, when I had no clue about the texture that I had. I thought it was frizzy and just tried to straighten it all the time. It was too flat to be curly.


You're still at kind of a funky stage for waves. Do you know I thought I was a wavy until I was a little longer than you? Then POOF, out came the curls. Waves and curls need A LOT of length on the most part to behave well and establish their full patterns.

APL was still an akward stage for me. Things only started to improve once I got to BSL.

You just need to hang in there until it grows some more and I know it's not easy, awkward stages are blegh! Have you tried the curly girl method?

[Heidi_234]

I second Manderly, I think you are curlier than you'd like to assume. My hair make a very poofy type 2 hair if brushed out and generally handled as straight hair. I always hated my curls and denied them, and all I got is tons of bad hair days. I always assumed my hair was very coarse, and only on LHC I discovered that it just lacked moisture all this time and in fact it's more of medium rather than coarse.

Did you try to let it do its thing? Why don't you try to follow some basic CG routine - you can still use shampoo if you feel CO doesn't work for you (even though shampoo was drying my hair out and making it feel coarser than it really was). If you're interested, I can outline a routine you could try for your next wash and see what happens. Many of the ladies at NaturallyCurly.com have very short hair, and not all of them have super curly hair, but more wavy wurly at best. They get amazing results, their hair is anything but poofy, their curls and wavies are well defined and their hair looks amazing.

If you're in total loss as to what to do with your hair, I think there's no harm in trying. I did, and it's one of the best things I ever did for my hair! :)

[ravenreed]

My hair is pretty coarse. I have some very fine, delicate hairs, and then I have the ones that I could sew with... These two types of hairs often want to do very different things. My hair is more manageable as it has gotten longer. The weight holds down some of the frizziness that is my hair in its wild state. However, I often get a halo of fine frizzies, no matter what I do.

I like to think my hair is straight. It isn't. Here is a very old photo from a geology field trip down in Baja California. We had no hot water, and I probably hadn't had a good wash in a few days. Add salt water to the mix and I am a poofball. Some things we can change about our hair, some we cannot. I kinda like the fact that my hair is wild and unmanageable. I am too, so it suits my personality.

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y139/ravenreed/closer3.png

[TealDolphin]

Have you tried the CG (curly girl) method? Here's some pictures in this thread at naturallycurly.com of peoples hair before and after CG (and it's a big difference): http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/showthread.php?t=47609

I know it's a lot of curly hairs, but I've seen big differences in wavies also. Here's the 2's thread on that same site: http://www.naturallycurly.com/curltalk/showthread.php?t=112354

CG doesn't work for everyone, but it's worth a try.

[triumphator!]

My hair does a strange thing that it sounds like your hair is doing. Mine is an odd mix of 1b and 2b hair, so it ends up "sitting on top of itself," as in the straight hairs sit on top of the wavier hairs, thus result in what looks like frizz. It's not frizz, its just unruly hair. I find that "compressing" it while it is drying-- i.e. in a bun or braid keeps it from doing this. But if it air dries, it looks stupid. I'll try to get a picture for you sometime to show you.

[spidermom]

I thought my hair was pretty awful looking at your length, but additional length and the weight of it has worked wonders. I think that if you treat your hair as nicely as you can without going crazy, it will become easier to deal with as it gets longer.

[Tovah]

I am envious of your thickness.
Your hair looks really good to me, and like others have said, more length and you will be loving it.
The grass is always greener.....

[Gvnagitlvgei]

No offense, but it seems that you wish you had a texture that is not yours. Maybe you can learn how to deal with coarse textured hair like applying a moisturizing gel and scrunching while wet? Have you ever flat-ironed it with CHI? Moisturizing deep treatments after shampoo? The kinkiest afro hair (and there's nothing wrong with an afro, it's beautiful hair...all hair is good) can get bone-straight.

[30isthenewblack]

You're still at kind of a funky stage for waves. Do you know I thought I was a wavy until I was a little longer than you? Then POOF, out came the curls. Waves and curls need A LOT of length on the most part to behave well and establish their full patterns.

I think your hair looks lovely but I can understand your frustration. You are still at an awkward length but it will get better with increased length. I think straight hair looks good at every length but wavies and curlies will have lengths where it is more difficult to look after. Just grit your teeth, continue to look after your hair and you will get there .... eventually!

[DecafJane]

I agree with the others who say that it will get less painful with length. You will start to get past the difficult stages soon, fingers crossed!

[KahlanAmnell]

I second the suggestion of the curly hair forums, they really helped me a lot with getting ideas for what would work. (Originally I typed myself more in the 2s, but with length I saw I was a 3a)

One thing that helped me was to use a cone free conditioner like vo5 or suave naturals I believe. I don't wash it completely out, or sometimes leave it in only on the ends.

Something else that helped while it was about that length was to put gel in (small amount) and scrunch it a bit. It helped keep the frizz down.

What the others said about length helping was definitely true with me, it became a completely different animal when I hit BSL. Hang in there. :-)

[templeofvenus]

you know I always want smooth oriental type hair black, shiny and stick straight! howevere not being oriental with that fabulous hair I have black(dyed) hair that since stopping blow drying and flat ironing is wavy and kinky and not how I would wish it to be.......but.......I am going to be happy with my hair because its me and learn to accept its texture and its waves and stop wishing for something else. Your hair looks lovely, it suits you and I think you should love it and grow it long :) I have a friend who has coarse hair and its wavy etc and I love her hair!b it looks so full of body just like yours!

[Chestershire]

If you do follow all the LHC advice on here, your hair must be pretty healthy, so it can never be ugly. I think it's more of a 'my hair doesn't look as superawesome like some others do'. Everyone's hair is different. You should love it more, it looks fine to me :)

[ktani]

Okay, i kept myself from complaining about my hair, but it's starting to get to my nerves right now.

For all my life, my hair has looked UGLY. I really mean that! Nothing i do to it makes it look nice and smooth, even LHC style hair care. The worse part is, even hair dressers cannot make it look "okay". My hair is coarse and not too thick. It's always frizzy or poofy. It hardly ever shines. Waves are not defined, even on my virgin roots. It sheds like crazy and i have severe dandruff problem. (i can fix the dandruff problem with ketoconazole shampoo or tea-tree oil)

For the record, i'll list the things i tried:

Commercial hair care products...not a slight difference.
Flat iron...Never makes my hair straight and smooth like it's supposed to, no matter how much heat i use or how carefully i do it. Besides, it only lasts 10 minutes.
Cones...no difference.
Oils...better than cones and commercial stuff (conditioners) but still, doesn't make a visible difference (i tried sweet almond, coconut, olive, castor, jojoba and macadamia oils, as far as i remember)
Blow-drying...no.
Henna...My oh my! Don't even ask!!! Turned my already coarse hairs into sewing thread!!
Hair-dye...nope.
Wet-setting...The best one. But it only works on waist+ hair, otherwise i end up with an afro.
Cutting or trimming...Doesn't work. I chopped all my damaged hair once and that left me with the worst looking hair EVER.
Clarifying...no difference.
SMT...no difference (though i didn't use aloe vera...cannot find it here.)
S&D...my hair doesn't split, that's not the culprit.
Not combing...Not a good idea. Apparently, my hair hardly ever forms the spirals curly hair dries into. It's bendy ends and massive amounts of frizz. Combing smoothes it a little.
CO...Gunky hair and scalp!!! Besides, conditioners don't work on my hair, i tried a bunch.
WO...Again, gunky hair and scalp.
Protein...Talk about brown wires growing from my head.

I'm at a loss. Wherever i look i see "nice" hair; only one percent or so has hair as frizzy as mine. I'm not going to cut it because i know it won't get me anywhere. I'll grow it to tailbone because at least my hair will look "mighty" if not "gorgeous". Till then, what shall i do? I'm on the verge of buying a wig and wearing it for the next 3 years :(

P.S. Don't get fooled by the pictures in my album. My hair's either styled or heavily oiled or damp in those pictures, it really doesn't last all day once left down for a few hours.

Conditioners never worked for me either. Some people do not need them. You could try catnip, not for split ends as you do not have them. It may help your hair be more manageable. Check with your doctor if it cannot be used on the scalp following your dandruff shampoo. I see no reason why not but it is better to check. You can always use it on the length only, http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?.do=article&articleid=118.

The catnip I use can be bought online from different websites, example, http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Hagen-Catit-Catnip-Garden-28g-/150490734849, if you cannot buy Nepeta cataria locally. It is not expensive if you factor in how little is needed each time you use it. A 1.5 oz tub has lasted me 3 years.

For frizz and defining the waves you do have, I recommend this, http://ktanihairsense.blogspot.com/2010/08/another-cost-effective-innovation-by.html.

I would trim the hemline a bit just to make your hair fall better, so that you are more comfortable with it, not to remove length. It can help in how the hair moves with a different shape.

Your hair is not ugly! You just need to be able to find a routine that makes you and your hair happy. You have thick hair. That is a blessing to those who have thinner hair.

Many of us here cannot compete with the genetically blessed, gorgeous heads of hair shown here. It is not a competition. Learn to celebrate your own hair. It can be done. It just takes time and patience.

[Sheltie_Momma]

To be honest, not my whole hair is APL. I have hairs ranging from chin to APL, which makes it hard to hold most buns and twists (rope braid would be awesome way to style, but it unravels) This isn't a natural taper by the way; it was thinned by a stylist and i haven't got a trim ever since.

ETA: thanks Lianna :D

The thinning by the stylist might be making things worse. We have basically the same hair type. Of course, I love super slick shiny straight hair because, you know we all want what we don't have! My best advice, or at least what I have done is focus on growing out all of the hair that has been thinned out.

Stop with any thinning or layers and just let it grow blunt and one length.

Oiling doesn't always work on our hair - we need a different kind of moisture - try straight coconut milk. I've also had really lovely results with Nightblooming's Panacea.

Compress the hair while it's drying - cover the scalp and top with a stretchy thin wide knit headband and bun and coil the rest.

The sooner you abandon any notion of straight hair the happier you will be with what you do have - nice smooth waves are likely obtainable once you grow out the layers and thinned out sections.

[MsBubbles]

It seems to me that a large part of this problem is your view point about how your hair should look! It might be made worse by wearing the extensions that don't reflect your own wonderful hair type. Part of me is glad that straight, fine smooth hair is so revered, but honestly I've been fighting it my whole life and am praying that 'big hair' never comes back in style during my lifetime.

I would have KILLED for hair like yours during the 80s! There are so many styles and updos that look better with your hair thickness/coarseness than with mine! I don't have any tips for you on what else you could try to better manage your hair, but I think naturally wild hair is very attractive.

It takes a while to embrace what we've got, hairwise.

[spidermom]

One thing I used to do when my hair was close to your length was comb it all back with some gel or mousse and then let it fall as it may as it dried. I got a wet-look wavy-curl style as long as I didn't touch it. After I combed it, it lost the wet look and some curl but still looked pretty good (picture).
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c79/spidermom/LONGERSTILL.jpg

I agree with the above suggestion to stop getting it thinned. I believe you'll be much happier with it as the layers/thinning grow out.

[Calaelen]

About the only thing I can tell you is that you don't have ugly hair, and to hang in there. Yep, I agree, it is in an awkward stage, and does look a little all over right now, you know that, so why try to sugar coat it? The one thing I can tell you is that you're going to be so in love with your hair as it grows.

Your hair type is so misunderstood by the stylist industry, who just tries in vain to tame it. I can see looking through your albums that you really have GORGEOUS hair, but hair that has been hacked, and layered and manipulated so much that it is being a bit angsty. (I'm a stylist,and I know quite a lot about hair)

When you get to a certain length, and get most of those layers out you're going to have fairy hair, for which I am so jealous. Just go with it for now. Maybe try some neat scarf styles if you're really getting to the point that you can't take it anymore? There are some gorgeous things you can do with a scarf or 3 until you get a bit more length. Don't lose hope though, your hair is not UGLY.

[09robiha]

To be honest, not my whole hair is APL. I have hairs ranging from chin to APL, which makes it hard to hold most buns and twists (rope braid would be awesome way to style, but it unravels) This isn't a natural taper by the way; it was thinned by a stylist and i haven't got a trim ever since.

ETA: thanks Lianna :D

what about putting it in conrows/mini braids so you dont have to deal with it for a while?? or 2 strand twists or wet pin curls?