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Vicky Veiss
May 23rd, 2008, 12:18 PM
My mother is not a hair person. Her hair is baby-fine, has been kept quite short most of her life, and although she home-permed it for a long time in the 1960s and '70s -- I remember the smell! -- she never enjoyed messing with it, nor with anyone else's. So I had a pixie cut for wash-and-wearability until I was five.

Then, in 1967, my mod teenage cousins from England visited, wearing miniskirts and ultra-fashionable long straight hair. I loved the way that looked, and insisted on growing mine out. My mother agreed, with the condition that now I was responsible for it, and if I let it get snarled and nasty, she was going to cut it off again. I'm sure she thought this was going to be a six-month phase at most, but I have not had a significant cut in the four decades since. Hee!

She did insist that I trim it once in a while, since she thought tapered ends looked ratty, but this was never really a battle between us -- or at least I don't remember it that way. I thought she was fairly easygoing about such things. So I didn't have a strong impression of how little my mother cares for hair until just the other day. We went to my son's elementary school to pick him up, and as we were crossing the playground, I spotted a little girl I've noticed before. She's noticeable and no mistake; her hair is mid-back, thick and curly, and a glorious deep red; the sort of color you almost always only see on children before it fades to a less intense shade, and IMO is all the more beautiful for being ephemeral. I pointed her out to Mom, with the intention of saying, "Isn't that marvelous!"

What did Mom reply?

"Ugh! How can you even brush hair like that? It looks like a nightmare!"

I blinked a couple of times and mentioned wide-tooth combs and plenty of conditioner... but good gracious, Mom! It was the end of the school day and the kid had been running around the playground, so of course it didn't look perfectly neat and smooth at that moment, but not one person in a thousand has hair of that color and texture. It's like a national treasure! (My husband had curly red hair when I met him, point of fact. I love it.) Who wouldn't go to a little bit of trouble to maintain such a head-turningly beautiful mop?

Not Mom, apparently! I can imagine, having read so many people's accounts of childhood hair wars, that this might have become a major battleground between us if my hair had been curly or otherwise needed some special handling to look "tidy". My sympathy for those who did have big struggles over their hair has just jumped several notches...

Vicky

Medvssa
May 23rd, 2008, 12:43 PM
My mother found my curls beautiful, but was utterly clueless as to how to manage it :( I had to figure it out myself as a teenager. She tried though. She only gave me one big chop. I would say she is a 1b.

Gothic Lolita
May 23rd, 2008, 12:44 PM
I'm sorry that your mother doesn't understand your fascination for long and pretty hair. When I see a true redhead, I'm always amazed, because I adore the color.

I think we just have to accept that hair just isn't always in other people priorities. They probably like things we can't understand.
But I understand why you were kind of shocked by your mother's comment on that little girl. Almost everyone has hair so you shoudln't react in such an extreme way....

harpgal
May 23rd, 2008, 01:25 PM
Vicky, you have described my mom exactly and you have my greatest sympathy. Not only does she see no value in red hair but for most of my life, she has criticized my own hair. She is almost 86 and still comes up with the most creative ways to be negative (and destructive).

lora410
May 23rd, 2008, 01:34 PM
My dd5 has curly light brown hair with natural blond highlights in it. Although I myself would never want curly hair again; I always tell her her curls are beautiful. They are a pain in the butt between knots, giving it lots of moisture, and combing time. She is growing her curlies to her bum and even though I know it will be harder for me to take care of them I always encourage her to let them grow and pray for the day she can do her own hair ;) :D

Fillette
May 23rd, 2008, 03:19 PM
I guess hair is less important to some people than it is to others. I am mixed (half black, half white) so my mother -who has straight hair- never really knew how to handle my hair. She has always loved my curls and encouraged me to wear my hair naturally, however, neither one of us ever believed that my hair could get past shoulder-lenght. I know better now. I so am glad I found this community!!!

MemSahib
May 23rd, 2008, 04:01 PM
This mom-not-knowing-what-to-do-with-daughter's-hair cuts both ways. My mother had curls. I do not. She kept giving me perms in an attempt to make me fit the 50s image of "normal" little girls. I should have had a straight bob and let it go at that. It would have been much easier on all of us. But she was a sweetheart and never let me know how hard my hair was for her until not long ago, actually.

I would like to point out that these mothers are NOT jealous, which is what I hear most of the time here at LHC. They genuinely don't care about hair and do not want to mess with it when it's long.

MoldyCake
May 23rd, 2008, 06:35 PM
My mom used to give me the most horrible bowl cuts when I was very young, about 3 - 7. I hated it, I used to cry and complain. It was kind of a necessary evil though because we lived in Florida and it got SO hot in the summer and my hair was so long. I was quite a tom boy and loved being outside and often refused when she tried to force me to drink water so I wouldnít get dehydrated or over heated, so she had no other choice but to chop for the simple fact she thought it would protect me against heat stroke.

Mom's huh, they scar us for life but only because they care. :p

30isthenewblack
May 23rd, 2008, 07:46 PM
My mother and father are both from the same country but my mother has afro curly hair (like the Jackson 5s) and my father has straight hair so my hair turned out to be an afro curly texture, my oldest brother's hair has gorgeous afro hair like my mother and my other brother has a straight wavy texture which suits him as well.

I think I'm one of the minority not on this board but in life generally who has always loved her curls. You don't know how many times I've turned around to my mother and thanked her for giving me this hair and this uniqueness. I've always embraced my curls and never straightened my hair. I laugh when people look at my hair and think it's high maintenance and then look at a girl who spends hours straightening their hair and think that their hairstyle is just wash and go. I wash my hair, put some product in it and let it dry naturally and that's it. Other days, I just fluff up my hair a little bit and walk out the door.

My biggest gripe at the hairdressers is when they assume that all women with curly hair have a burning desire to have their hair straight. Not so! I have never wanted straight hair. I feel offended that I need to explain that I wear my hair curly and I do not blow dry it straight. It has been a struggle at times living in Australia where people do not have the knowledge to look after my hair type (my hair was butchered when I was 14 because the hairdresser thought it would be easier to handle) nor do I have the option to buy products that would be readily available in a country like America with an African American population. My wax has been discontinued and I have tried out five waxes already which is quite an expensive exercise but with the internet, I have access to a variety of information that Australian hairdressers cannot provide. I work in an industry where the majority of people are Caucasian Australian with straight or controlled curly hair and I know that I've missed out on jobs early on in my career because I chose to wear my hair curly and had racist comments directed my way but it made me a stronger, more determined person and never once, did I compromise.

I know a lot of women in Australia who chemically straighten or iron their hair and their boyfriends or husbands have commented that they like their hair straight and do not 'allow' them to wear it curly. One husband even commented that his wife was 'lazy' when she left her hair curly and this woman had the most gorgeous head of curls that I have ever seen. Another girl's boyfriend mentioned that he does not like curly hair. She chemically straightens her hair every six months and whilst it looks good from a distance, she knows that it is damaged. It is one thing to straighten your hair when you are young but it is another to keep up the maintenance and expense when you are pregnant or you have children. It makes me wonder what their husbands would think if their children had curly hair. I could never marry someone who did not think that my natural curls were beautiful.

My hair has always been one of my finest assets and I would love to have a daughter with the same texture hair as me. I love all textures of hair but I think curly hair personifies me and my feisty attitude to life and I've always had the confidence to wear my hair curly and proud.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2332/2500728601_06a073e3db_o.jpg

MermaidGirl
May 23rd, 2008, 10:03 PM
30isthenewblack, I LOVE your curls! They are lovely! I wish my hair was curly like that (I'm pretty much stick straight). I also love your screenname! :D

Mitzy
May 24th, 2008, 01:17 AM
Ha! My mother ADMITS she is jealous of my hair, but in a sweet way. She has very thin, fine hair and always has had. She has had it long a few time, but my dad likes short hair anyway (something to do with Doris Day) and mom always winds up cutting hers short. She cuts it herself now, but it looks okay, a little butch, but whatever, she is like 65 so....
The last time I visited (I live in Australia and my parents are in the US) she said she wished I would grow my hair out again so she could see it long before she dies. She had just been diagnosed with colon cancer and was feeling her mortality, I think. She is doing better now, but that is part of the reason I am growing my hair again. I know I have told this story before but it seemed apropo.
I also am growing my hair because I want it long now that I have the time and inclination to take care of it, but....

flapjack
May 24th, 2008, 01:34 AM
I have never even bothered to compare different textures of hair to one another and for the life of me I cannot understand anyone who says any texture is better. I think anyone who truly puts them in categories of what is better and what is not better is a superficial weirdo, to be blunt about it. Curly is NOT better than straight hair. It never will be. Straight hair is NOT better than curly hair. It never will be. They do not relate to personality, they do not relate to particular groups of people or anything of the sort, it's all in some really bored or silly people's imaginations. To me, people who get themselves caught up in these minute and totally meaningless issues are people who clearly have too much empty time on their hands and need to turn off the tv and put down the magazine for a few minutes at the very least. I have never felt any desire to have a hair texture other than the texture I was born with because, ultimately, texture is not the issue, health of the hair is the issue. And my hair is healthy, so there ya go. End of issue. Finito. That's all I've ever cared about. And if my hair was super curly I would be saying the same thing. It's all the same to me. Curly. Straight. Whatever. As long as I can't smell it, I seriously don't care.


And to the people who want to be left alone about their hair texture (whatever that may be) and feel like they are always harassed about it, my advice is to just make the people who make stupid comments look as stupid as they're acting. No one has the right to comment on your hair if it doesn't effect them. Is it blocking their vision? Is it smelly and making them feel ill? Is it touching them? If the answer is no to these questions, then they should probably shut up. Honestly, that's just ridiculous.

30isthenewblack
May 24th, 2008, 02:35 AM
30isthenewblack, I LOVE your curls! They are lovely! I wish my hair was curly like that (I'm pretty much stick straight). I also love your screenname! :D

Thanks MermaidGirl ... it's getting there albeit slowly :) I'm glad you like my screen name. I believe that too many people let their age define them and conform to societal expectations of how they should be or what milestones they should have reached at a certain age. We all have our own journey and to get there, we will all take different paths. As long as you are not physically harming anyone, no one has the right to define what that path should be. Relating it to this website specifically, I believe that there is no age limit that a woman can have glorious, long hair.

www.30isthenewblack.com (http://www.30isthenewblack.com/)

BittSweetCherry
May 24th, 2008, 06:46 AM
....It has been a struggle at times living in Australia where people do not have the knowledge to look after my hair type (my hair was butchered when I was 14 because the hairdresser thought it would be easier to handle) nor do I have the option to buy products that would be readily available in a country like America with an African American population. My wax has been discontinued and I have tried out five waxes already which is quite an expensive exercise but with the internet, I have access to a variety of information that Australian hairdressers cannot provide. I work in an industry where the majority of people are Caucasian Australian with straight or controlled curly hair and I know that I've missed out on jobs early on in my career because I chose to wear my hair curly and had racist comments directed my way but it made me a stronger, more determined person and never once, did I compromise.

I know a lot of women in Australia who chemically straighten or iron their hair and their boyfriends or husbands have commented that they like their hair straight and do not 'allow' them to wear it curly. One husband even commented that his wife was 'lazy' when she left her hair curly and this woman had the most gorgeous head of curls that I have ever seen. Another girl's boyfriend mentioned that he does not like curly hair. She chemically straightens her hair every six months and whilst it looks good from a distance, she knows that it is damaged. It is one thing to straighten your hair when you are young but it is another to keep up the maintenance and expense when you are pregnant or you have children. It makes me wonder what their husbands would think if their children had curly hair. I could never marry someone who did not think that my natural curls were beautiful.....

30isthenewblack, I am so with you on this, on every point. There are a few regular customers whom probably think I'm rude and disapproving because of the way I stare at their hair so much (I can't stop myself) but it's because I think their curls are beautiful, at all lengths. Why would anyone want to straighten that away? There's no way you could create that kind of curl!

A couple of years ago I saw a girl around my age on a train at Stathfield (Sydney) with jet black, very tight curls and fairytale ends that reached midback when hanging loosely. To this day I wish I'd gone down the carriage and told her how wonderful she looked and that I could only imagine how much care she must take to grow it that long, but that the results proved it was worth it. Unfortunately, I'll never have the courage to approach someone because even the thought of it - two years on - is making me blush terribly.

Every now and then I'll see a salon that is marketed for Type 4 hair, but there will be pictures of cornrows or straightened hair and none of natural, unmodified curls. How hard must it be when the niche market still doesn't cater for you.

zift
May 24th, 2008, 07:20 AM
My mom seems to love long hair well except from mine:mad: She is never satisfied with it and always is very hurtfull with her comments. She consistently keeps saying how thin my hair is which is really ridiculous if you see my hair because it's thick! She probably remembers my extreme thickness at high school days and compare but few people keep the same head of hair.:rolleyes:
As a child I had curly hair and mom used to pray out loud every night saying "may her hair be long.May her hair be straight". Ugh it might have had some effect on me.:rolleyes: That might be the reason I always wanted straight hair and well it did get straight considering the curl , mom you won I'm a 2c wavy now!

30isthenewblack
May 24th, 2008, 08:13 AM
30isthenewblack, I am so with you on this, on every point. There are a few regular customers whom probably think I'm rude and disapproving because of the way I stare at their hair so much (I can't stop myself) but it's because I think their curls are beautiful, at all lengths. Why would anyone want to straighten that away? There's no way you could create that kind of curl!

A couple of years ago I saw a girl around my age on a train at Stathfield (Sydney) with jet black, very tight curls and fairytale ends that reached midback when hanging loosely. To this day I wish I'd gone down the carriage and told her how wonderful she looked and that I could only imagine how much care she must take to grow it that long, but that the results proved it was worth it. Unfortunately, I'll never have the courage to approach someone because even the thought of it - two years on - is making me blush terribly.

Every now and then I'll see a salon that is marketed for Type 4 hair, but there will be pictures of cornrows or straightened hair and none of natural, unmodified curls. How hard must it be when the niche market still doesn't cater for you.

It's so nice to hear from a fellow Sydneysider and I was touched to read your post. My parents originally came from a country where my mother was looked down upon because she had Afro hair and she was treated very badly. Itís a strong principle of mine to always wear my hair curly and with pride. Unlike another person who posted here previously, my hair does define the person I am. It is a sign of my heritage and when people insult my hair, they are insulting my mother and my grandmother before her.

I think itís a shame that some people do feel pressured by their significant other and by their family or culture to straighten their hair. It's a shame that even though there are a lot of women with afro hair in Australia, a lot of them choose to straighten their hair, braid their hair, wear hair extensions and not embrace their natural curls and hence, there isn't a big market for products for girls with afro curly hair.

On the upside, I like the fact that I look quite unique and although my hair is quite tame in my photo but I like to fluff it out and wear it as big as possible. I am lucky because I've always loved my hair and I've always had the confidence to wear my hair curly regardless of what other people thought.

rhubarbarin
May 24th, 2008, 08:44 AM
I am lucky because I've always loved my hair and I've always had the confidence to wear my hair curly regardless of what other people thought.

I'm glad. :) I love natural curls and kinks, and I am always thrilled when I see them both in RL and on LHC. But the best thing is when people love the hair they have, whatever it is.

My mom doesn't understand curls, or long hair, either. She has straight hair that she keeps only a couple inches long. She never let me wear my hair down once in my childhood, and ripped through it with a brush every day. She thinks curls look messy and should be brushed.. she hates to see 'older' women (meaning over 30 apparently, or mothers of any age) with long hair.. so silly.

snowbird
May 24th, 2008, 03:18 PM
curly hair evokes funny responses in people, doesn't it? I've had people obsessed with having my hair straightened - including in high school a friend's mother who offered to PAY me to straighten my hair - and people equally obsessed with the curls. :shrug:

30isthenewblack
May 24th, 2008, 04:57 PM
curly hair evokes funny responses in people, doesn't it? I've had people obsessed with having my hair straightened - including in high school a friend's mother who offered to PAY me to straighten my hair - and people equally obsessed with the curls. :shrug:

I love your hair Snowbird. Curly hair does provoke funny reactions. I always get people saying that they want to see me with my hair straight. I don't say to people with straight hair that I want to see them with curly hair. I get this comment a lot - "I used to have hair like yours when perms were in fashion' ... what the he*ck? Um ... this is not a perm or a fashion statement, this is my natural hair! It's ridiculous that straight, curly or wurly hair can be in fashion.

30isthenewblack
May 24th, 2008, 05:00 PM
I'm glad. :) I love natural curls and kinks, and I am always thrilled when I see them both in RL and on LHC. But the best thing is when people love the hair they have, whatever it is.

My mom doesn't understand curls, or long hair, either. She has straight hair that she keeps only a couple inches long. She never let me wear my hair down once in my childhood, and ripped through it with a brush every day. She thinks curls look messy and should be brushed.. she hates to see 'older' women (meaning over 30 apparently, or mothers of any age) with long hair.. so silly.

I'm happy too when people like their hair texture the way it is. You can make little adjustments to your appearance but at the end of the day, you need to be content with yourself. There will always be someone better looking or have a better body so you need to be happy with what you have.

Tangles
May 24th, 2008, 05:11 PM
[quote=30isthenewblack;121757]I know a lot of women in Australia who chemically straighten or iron their hair and their boyfriends or husbands have commented that they like their hair straight and do not 'allow' them to wear it curly. One husband even commented that his wife was 'lazy' when she left her hair curly and this woman had the most gorgeous head of curls that I have ever seen.

Wow, that's horrible. Straight has become so synonymous with "good hair", as if actual shine, texture, body, bounce and personality didn't matter as long as the cuticle of the hair lies flat...!

snowbird
May 24th, 2008, 05:36 PM
No one has the right to comment on your hair if it doesn't effect them. Is it blocking their vision?
A bit off topic...
I unwitting made a mistake a few weeks ago of wearing my hair down to the theatre...at intermission a woman VERY rudely told me that no one behind me could see and 'could I do something about my big hair, flatten it or something'. I turned a few shades of red and even after apologising she was still really huffy. The problem was I couldn't put it up (no hairband), and even when I do it still curls up all over unless I have a ribbon or lots of pins. So I sat through the second act with my hands on my head, I felt so bad. My friend with me joked that I needed a bathing cap next time.
It was fine of her to say something, as I certainly don't want to ruin someones night; but she could have been a whole lot nicer about it!

yrrebwartsymssi
May 24th, 2008, 07:25 PM
my step-father thinks all hair should be straight, and it angers me to no end when i take my DD over to the grandparents and the first thing out of his mouth is "Why doesn't she have her hair combed"... IT IS "COMBED" YOU IDIOT! ITS SUPPOSE TO BE CURLY!... he knows better than to say it to my face anymore, or to say anything about MY hair because I WILL BREAK HIM DOWN!

lookingglass
May 24th, 2008, 07:56 PM
My mom had long hair all through my childhood, but I...I had an afro. :rolleyes: She didn't know how else to take care of it! She cut the curls one at a time until I had a dandelion head.When she washed it...she blow dried it and brushed it with a metal dog brush. In the 6th grade I told her that I was never cutting my hair again! It grew to mid back quickly, and she loved it. She said I looked like Cher (it really was similar then in the late 80's). I started doing CO's b/c it was cheap and kept my hair mosturized! Who knew I'd be back to a similar routine 20 years later?:D

lookingglass
May 24th, 2008, 08:05 PM
A bit off topic...
I unwitting made a mistake a few weeks ago of wearing my hair down to the theatre...at intermission a woman VERY rudely told me that no one behind me could see and 'could I do something about my big hair, flatten it or something'. I turned a few shades of red and even after apologising she was still really huffy. The problem was I couldn't put it up (no hairband), and even when I do it still curls up all over unless I have a ribbon or lots of pins. So I sat through the second act with my hands on my head, I felt so bad. My friend with me joked that I needed a bathing cap next time.
It was fine of her to say something, as I certainly don't want to ruin someones night; but she could have been a whole lot nicer about it!

Oh, yeah, I've gotton that one before, too..."I can't see around your hair!" Along with: "Poodle", "Nice fro!", "Is that NATURAL?!", "You must use a LOT of shampoo!", "You're hair is so...WILD", and the like.

I have come to accept that it is my unique beauty. People feel comfortable with "safe" standards of beauty. I feel I am here to push the boundaries! I long for the days when ladies wore big hats with flawless updos to theaters, grew their hair to the floor, spent hours on themselves.:p

flapjack
May 24th, 2008, 09:16 PM
A bit off topic...
I unwitting made a mistake a few weeks ago of wearing my hair down to the theatre...at intermission a woman VERY rudely told me that no one behind me could see and 'could I do something about my big hair, flatten it or something'. I turned a few shades of red and even after apologising she was still really huffy. The problem was I couldn't put it up (no hairband), and even when I do it still curls up all over unless I have a ribbon or lots of pins. So I sat through the second act with my hands on my head, I felt so bad. My friend with me joked that I needed a bathing cap next time.
It was fine of her to say something, as I certainly don't want to ruin someones night; but she could have been a whole lot nicer about it!


Yeah, some people are just rude. I've given up trying to understand that kind of attitude, especially if the person is clearly trying to do something to help, like you were. :confused:


And to explain my mentality on this topic a bit more... I come from a very mixed and diverse area and my family is mixed and I just feel like putting any kind of label on stuff like this is ignorant. Curly hair is just curly hair to me, I don't see anything different about it, for better or worse, and I don't treat the people who own the curls any differently than anyone else. I apologize if I came off a bit strong because I'm a nice kid, but I feel strongly about fair treatment between people. Especially about something as inconsequential in the long run as hair. I love hair, but really now. It's not life or death.

coppercurls
May 24th, 2008, 09:22 PM
Oh, yeah, I've gotton that one before, too..."I can't see around your hair!" Along with: "Poodle", "Nice fro!", "Is that NATURAL?!", "You must use a LOT of shampoo!", "You're hair is so...WILD", and the like.

I have come to accept that it is my unique beauty. People feel comfortable with "safe" standards of beauty. I feel I am here to push the boundaries! I long for the days when ladies wore big hats with flawless updos to theaters, grew their hair to the floor, spent hours on themselves.:p

;) I have gotten all those comments too! I must say though, most of the comments I do get are positive-Unless it is my own mother or my brother. My mother will admit that my hair looks better now (as long as it is up) than it has in the past. She still doesn't really like it when it's down & curly. What the heck? She never really knew how to take care of it when I was younger either. Oh well, I ignore the "how can you stand all that hair?" & other little comments. I know she really likes her short hair so much, she just can't imagine that I really love my long curls.:confused: To each his own.

I said something the other day in front of my brother about only washing my hair once a week, & he was totally geebed out by that. I had to enlighten him that curly had a more open cuticle, looses moisture easier etc. etc. He still probably thinks his sister is a bit derelict in her hygeine!
:eyebrows:I didn't even go into how I only use shampoo occasionally!:eyebrows:

Vicky Veiss
May 24th, 2008, 10:19 PM
Heh heh -- some very interesting stories here!

One funny footnote: For many years, I thought my hair was basically straight, though not needle-straight. I wore it long and down, and it showed just the slightest wave when it was freshly washed -- that was all. With the years, it seemed to get wavier at the back, though that was still rather elusive and tended to disappear in dry weather.

I changed my routine once I arrived at LHC, and you guessed it -- wavier still! I even had to change my initial hairtype when I started to do only a finger-comb after a wash. Take a look at my profile for the change from when I first got here to about a year ago. (Maybe I should take another pic! know it's even longer now than it was last March, though I don't measure often.)

talula_fairie
May 24th, 2008, 11:42 PM
My mom was the opposite. She loved long hair (hers was mid-back for decades) and she always would get a bit upset when I would cut it.

fatmoogas
May 25th, 2008, 01:05 AM
Those long straight styles from the 60s were great.

Lamb
May 25th, 2008, 05:31 PM
Those long straight styles from the 60s were great.

:confused::confused::confused: Sure they were, but exactly how is this post relevant to the OP (or the thread in general)?

30isthenewblack
May 25th, 2008, 09:29 PM
A bit off topic...
I unwitting made a mistake a few weeks ago of wearing my hair down to the theatre...at intermission a woman VERY rudely told me that no one behind me could see and 'could I do something about my big hair, flatten it or something'. I turned a few shades of red and even after apologising she was still really huffy .... It was fine of her to say something, as I certainly don't want to ruin someones night; but she could have been a whole lot nicer about it!

Oh dear ... at the end of the day, it's your natural hair and there isn't much you can do about it. She would have the same problems seeing the show if she was sitting behind someone who was tall.

Nevermore
May 25th, 2008, 09:54 PM
I would like to point out that these mothers are NOT jealous, which is what I hear most of the time here at LHC. They genuinely don't care about hair and do not want to mess with it when it's long.

I'm glad your mother isn't jealous of your hair, but some of them definitely are. Like mine.