Curly in disguise, & forced haircuts

[Ruce]

I've always washed my hair upside down, since my hair is quite short and I can't get any conditioner on parts of it if I just let it hang. I usually comb it before wrapping it in a towel, but today I lost my comb so I just had to finger comb it. After I took off the towel, I noticed some absolutely incredible waves, but I was hanging my head upside down because... that's what I do for some odd reason.

Now, as soon as I turned my head the right way up again, these waves completely disappeared. My hair is only shoulder length, and when it's still wet, it flicks out so much it's not even imaginable. I have to take one of those round brushes to sort this out. But after noticing those waves today, I just thought to myself that they must be the waves I'd have if my hair was longer, and actually fell into place without me having to manipulate it. Anyone got clarification on this? The waves looked about 2b, and I'd kill to have hair with some body in it.

Now for the other part of my post. As a male under 18, I'm extremely pressured to have a good hair 'style'. The problem is, I don't really want a style. I just want it to be long. My last haircut was about ten weeks ago now, and my hair does something new every day. I love it and feel like I never want it cut again. I don't even have any split ends; I've almost forgotten what one looks like. But, my parents seem to absolutely insist that I get it cut often. My mum is much better than my dad; she seems willing to allow me to grow it long, but the other problem is that teachers at my school have the same attitude as my dad; that males can't have long hair.

So, my dad seems like he really wants me to get it cut. I love my hair, and I have an extreme phobia of hairdressers; a hairdresser has NEVER done what I asked, and they always cut it into a 'style' and they don't just take off a small part of the ends (which is what I have to ask for so when I am forced to go, I can leave with my hair as close as possible to what it looked like before I went in). I know that I can't last much longer without someone forcing me to go there, but the very thought of it makes me tearful. Can anyone think of anything which could convince both of them that there is NOTHING WRONG with me wanting long hair?

Thanks so much for your help, everyone.

[spidermom]

I'm sorry, I can't think of any way to convince somebody to accept something they are totally against, especially in their own home. Wear it as long as you can get away with, and when you get a haircut, be very firm about a little bit off the ends, and if they stretch your hair away from your head, stop them. To cut a little bit off the ends, the hair only needs to be combed straight down toward the floor, not sectioned and held away from the head at an angle.

[Arianwen]

I'm sorry that you are experiencing gender-bias in regards to hair length. The way I see it, if you're not out doing drugs, drinking, stealing etc what harm is long hair? If long hair is the only rebellious thing you do, your parents should be relieved!

[Bene]

Sucks but not much you can do about it. There are two reasons why a dad would care about his son's hair.

1) Uber-authoritative/ caught up in generational standards/ micromanaging tendencies and preoccupied with what's "proper".

2) Mild issues/fears with the possibility his son being effeminate.



Either way, there's not much you can do to change his mind. If your dad is approachable, you can try to talk about it, explain that it's not a fad or trend, and that you just want long hair for the sake of it being long. If your dad isn't so approachable, don't touch the subject. Just hold out as best as you can until you turn 18. As an "adult", you'll be able to do what you want with your hair, and your arguments for it won't be so easily steamrolled or discredited. For now, you can drag your feet a bit about going to get it cut, conveniently forget, subtlety change the subject, etc.



As for your hair, in a lot of cases the length of it can weigh down the curls, depending on the texture of your hair. When short, I'm easily a 3b. As my hair grows, it's moves along towards wavy.

[MotherConfessor]

As far as your waves, you could try a clarifying wash. Sometimes getting the gunk out of your hair lets it curl up. A baking soda/ vinegar wash is good for that (please do not just dump the two chemicals on your head, there is a specific way to do it). If you suspect your hair of being naturally curly, you could try to encourage its natural wave pattern. When you get out of the shower try twisting your hair around your fingers after you apply a mild holding product, or you could try to just scrunch it as it dries.

As far as your dad... Its hard to say since every parent has to be approached differently with these things. Try to determine why he does not want you to have a long hair and whether or not he has a point - remember, just because he has a point does not mean he is right. For example, he would have a point if he told you that having long hair is going to cause certain foolish, narrow minded people to think poorly of you. However, it is also correct to say that you are man enough to deal with such petty adversity. Most likely he believes that he is "protecting you from yourself," and the best way to assuage such a concern is to assure him that you understand what you are doing and can deal with whatever consequences may arise. Other than that, at some point you will be eighteen and you can grow your hair however you want and say "See, I have long hair and somehow manage to live my life just fine - Isn't that freakin amazing"

[Qwackie]

All my friends that are guys have long hair, and I honestly have no problem against long hair. I was forced by my school to cut my hair, but pretty much the same concept. My hair, not yours. Mine.
My dad has a problem with long hair on guys, too. Don't care though.