Your Hair Looks Grey

[Moondust]

Have any of you who keep your hair natural and don't color it, ever had this said to you? Earlier this summer, I was happy because for probably 2-3 years I had been growing out my last chemical dye job, and I was happy because it was finally entirely grown out all the way to the ends, no more of the colored strands remained. And it was finally feeling on the 'long' side too. Starting to hang past that annoying phase that is right at the shoulders, and down my back more. It was in pretty great condition, looking back on pictures now.

But one day, while my mom, and oldest sister were standing around in the kitchen just snacking, and having casual conversation, my sister off-handedly just out of the blue said that my hair looks GREY. Now, by no means am I trying to say anything against grey hair. I think it can look beautiful and wise. In fact I hope I get my grandpa's snow white hair when I'm older. But.. I think you can understand why this comment hurt me at my age. I'm 22. And I don't think it looks grey.

My sister can be that way.. she likes to get attention by causing commotion. What I think, is that maybe with chemical dyes available at this day in age, maybe the standard for brilliant, almost 'metallic' looking pigment to hair is the norm now, with many people choosing to chemically color their hair. My sister, by the way, is notorious for coloring her hair ALL the time. She goes from blonde, to dark brown, to red.. just all over the color spectrum, every other month or so. She is lucky to still have the decent hair she does.

But her comment hurt my self confidence level. Not really just because it was her who said something, but because I've learned that sometimes even though we don't like receiving criticism, sometimes people are actually right, even though they may have not gone about telling us in the most polite way. I've learned to just take observations for what they are, and not try to convince myself that they're wrong just because they were rude. So I'll be honest, her comment is part of the reason I went and tried coloring my hair again earlier this summer. Not just because she said it, but because I thought, jeez, maybe other people think this too, even though I don't myself.

So.. what I did, was I went and tried bleaching my all natural medium brown hair to blonde, because I have always wanted to see how I look with really light hair. It didn't turn out all that bad (I have pictures in my album on my profile), but within a week of having it this way I chickened out because I didn't feel like myself with the color, and I dyed it back dark to try to match my natural medium brown hair again, and it looked fine. But a month or so later, I just had such an urge to give blonde a try one more time, because I'd had a taste of what it was like. So I did bleach it again fairly recently, and I will say that I have liked the color fairly well, but my hair really of course has become rather damaged. Not TOO bad luckily.. but enough. So it's brought me to the point where I've been doing some long, hard thinking about this. I've come to the decision that what I really need to do is just start embracing my natural God-given color. I'm just meant to be brown for a reason I guess.

But I do have an additional question for you guys too. Do you know of any sort of natural dyes that are VERY easy on your hair, that will just give your natural pigment a little.. punch of vibrancy? And maybe help it not appear 'grey', or dull, compared to the metallic kind of shine of chemically treated hair? I really never was okay with slathering my hair with chemicals anyway, which is why I'm kind of disappointed with myself for going on this chemical coloring yo-yo this summer. It's something I know would not work right with trying to grow it long to my waist, anyways.

So, I've decided once and for all to embrace my natural hair color, and I'm okay with it. I believe I should not let artificial standards of beauty affect my own judgement of how beautiful I think my hair is. But I'm just wondering, though, like I said, if there is something I could do to give it a little more vibrancy of pigment. I won't deny that I would myself like that for my hair if I could do it. I'm thinking maybe something that could darken my hair a little bit.. richen it.. even if it stays very close to my original color would be fine. I don't know.. I think I even heard one time that what women with dark hair used to do was pour coffee on it in olden days?? I might be imagining that one, but that would be just fine with me, because I LOVE the smell of coffee (it's funny, can't stand the taste though). Also, here at my house, we have always had VERY hard, sulfur water. I believe that is the main reason my hair sometimes may appear dull, or 'grey'. But I do not think it's all that bad. Any suggestions for any kind of rinses or something I could do in the shower itself, while still using the hard water I have no option but to use, but will still have an effect to help take off some of the mineral buildup that dulls my hair?

And my first question too, have you ever had that comment said to you, and felt insulted as if standards for artificial beauty are expected now? (There are pictures of my natural hair color in my album too, before the dye jobs).

Well, hope to hear from some of you:hmm:

Sorry this post turned out to be a novel! I tend to do that.

[naereid]

I think a lot of people who dye have noticed their roots looking pretty awful when they start showing up right next to that sparkling chemical magic. I know I have. :grnbiggri It's not that my natural hair colour is awful, it's just that the artificial colour is SO SHINY.

If she meant grey as in "ashy", you could give it a bit of a warmer tone with semi-permanent dyes, which are gentler than permanent dyes.
There are some natural hair dyes, but I don't know any US brands. Logona makes them, but that's a German brand.
You could even do a henna gloss, which is a little bit of henna mixed into your conditioner. If the amount is small enough it shouldn't make your hair drastically red, just give it a bit of warmth.

[stkl]

dont worry this is actually really common :)

if your hair is naturally an ash tone colour, or just a cooler tone than the colour you dyed it, when you start to get roots it can look like your going grey at first.

fortunately though as your hair grows it will stop looking `grey´ and start looking like regrowth.

however if your really bothered by it you could always get a semi perminant colour for now, herbatint is all natural, but it may just be easier to wear it up for now untill you have enough growth.

[Aredhel77]

Hello Moondust, sorry to hear that those comments knocked your confidence a bit.

Have you heard of Surya Brasil Henna colourants? They do contain a little henna but are not permanent colours. I think they last about 10 washes max. They contain a lot of herbs and provide great conditioning and are available either as powders or creams. I have used both in the past, and liked them. There are quite a good few shades available, all of them fairly natural looking. If you Googled them you could find out if they are available where you live, or for purchase online.

Don't know if that helps?

[DecafJane]

I have the same thing (I was told once by a hairdresser that my hair is technically dark blonde because it has no natural red in it, even though it is dark brown :confused:) and find that I like to dye it with a semi-permanent that is a very close colour, but that has a shade of red in it.

[melikai]

Most hair dyes, especially blonde ones, are very much on the golden or yellow side, and I think people have become accustomed to thinking that that fake colour is blonde, when actually the majority of blonde hair is very cool-toned, and ashy.

I actually noticed that my natural hair is MUCH shinier than my dyed hair ever was! Much more interesting looking and not so flat and single-toned as dyed hair tends to be.

If you want something to slightly enhance your hair, you could try cassia, sometimes called "neutral henna". It will give shine, and can tint your hair slightly more golden. It does wash out and fade over time though, but so does hair dye! :)

I think Logona has herbal hair "dyes" that are made up of small amounts of henna and other herbs. Some shades of these might be nice for a boost of colour.

[Night_Kitten]

I myself think brown is a very beautiful hair color (well, I am biased, I'm brown myself, LOL :D)
But if you want something more vibrant, you could try henna (over brown hair it gives a beautiful mahogany red-brown color), or "henndigo" for very dark color, or you could try lightening with honey. All those ways are non-damaging for hair, but are very permanent (especially the henna) :)

[katha]

I heard about that coffee thing, too. Never tried it, though.
Heard about Balsamico having a similar effect. Personally I think it's too expensive to try. I'm cheap like that. ^^

[MsBubbles]

My sister can be that way.. she likes to get attention by causing commotion..

Next time, try to remember this!

I agree with Melikai...my dark ashy blonde roots are so much shinier and healthier than my bleached brassy ends. My ends are dull and don't reflect much light.

When I think about your hair color it reminds me of Catherine McCormack (http://www.zuguide.com/#Catherine-McCormack), who played Murron in Braveheart. I love her Braveheart hair. Who cares if it's ashy?!

[Arianwen]

Stories like these make me real glad I'm an only child...you know?

[XcaliburGirl]

I looked at your natural color in your album. I think it's a very nice brown and not gray at all.

I think it's a possibility that so many people dying their hair could skew one's perception of normal just a little bit. For example, my sister has that dark blond/light brown color that I usually see only as roots to someone's highlights.

Anyway, if you don't want to affect the color, try to find ways to make your hair look shinier. I think when my hair is kind of dry it looks lighter and duller.

[spidermom]

Ash tones do look gray in certain lights, that's for sure. There's nothing wrong with that, and if you hear the "gray" comment again, you can point that out. It's always better on your hair to go a bit darker, so if you want to give your natural color a push away from gray, try something only a shade or two darker, something semi-permanent or deposit only.

[growingmyhair]

like it's been pointed out already it's not GREY for godsakes!! it's ASH

[smileycat]

Can I say it? Your sister sucks.

I have luck with the classic chamomile rinse for blondes on my own hair, and I know I've seen recommendations for tea/tisane rinses for dark locks here on LHC, too. I have also heard off the coffee rinse, too, and it can't hurt to try!

[rags]

My hair is ash toned too, so I know what you mean! It actually IS grey now, but I like it, so I don't care.

What I haven't noticed anyone mentioning is that if you do have hard water, you might want to try clarifying (followed by a nice moisture treatment). Then after that, you can rinse your hair the final time with water with just a small amount of vinegar diluted in it (periodically, or every time you wash). This will help with the hard water, if that is dulling your hair. I know my hair looks much shinier when I am away from the hard water!

[bumblebums]

I have long stopped listening to my female relatives' opinions about my hair. They are never happy with it. I now just tell them to stop saying stuff about my appearance, and if they don't, I don't visit them for a few years. It pretty much did the trick.

Now, as for changing the color of your hair without dyeing it. There are various things that tint hair slightly. Honey, lemon juice, and camomile are all for blonde hair. Cassia obovata is supposedly color-neutral, but I have seen before-and-after pics that seem to contradict that... For example, see this before (http://noshampooexperiment.blogspot.com/2010/07/no-shampoo-day-167.html) and this after (http://noshampooexperiment.blogspot.com/2010/07/no-shampoo-day-194.html).

For darkening, people use infusions and extracts of rosemary, sage, and black tea. Amla is cooling/darkening when used with henna, but on its own I haven't noticed any coloring effect. All of these herbal dyeing methods only yield temporary results, in my opinion. I have not used coffee on my own hair.

You could also just try washing your hair with something radically different, like a clarifying shampoo, or egg yolk, or baking soda. My hair tone changes slightly depending on what I wash it with. It is always darkest after a vinegar rinse or a nettle rinse, which both probably work primarily by smoothing the hair's cuticle. When the cuticle is roughed up, as in damaged or overwhashed hair, the hair appears lighter in color.

[LouLaLa]

My hair is silver ash blonde and yes it has a silvery tone but im glad I grew it out ,it looked really crazy next to the gold blonde I dyed it giving a "grey" look. It was just the cool/warm tones clashing.

Its now easier to handle, needs less stuff to look good and its nice to not have to care about roots. Your sister is probably just trying to cause commotion, but its a bit mean of her to say such things, grey can be so beautiful, but if she is saying it with the inetention of upsetting you then the comment is from a bad place. The LHC sister(brother/other) hood is here for you!

Un-dyed hair has the most amazing opulence, espcially the light shades as they can be talnslucent and really lovely. If it really gets to you you could do some honey lightening.

So yes this is very common espcially compared to dyed hair which has more colour deposit giving a more pigmented look. Natural hair is beautiful in its own way (im not against dye/henna etc each to their own!)

Good luck, you arent alone!

[lapushka]

Don't give your sister that much power over you, or anyone else for that matter!

It's your hair. You call the shots! If you yourself think it's gray, then fine, but I wouldn't keep trying to "fix" your hair because your sister at one point said it looks gray.

I have ash colored hair. One of the benefits of it is, that it can look very light in huge amounts of light, especially sunlight, and that it gets quite dark in artificial light (and also darker the oilier it gets). Natural hair catches the light the way no artificial color can. That's a huge plus over dyed hair.

I'd use semi permanents to give it a little oomph if that's what you want. They fade after x number of washes.

[Othala]

Darling, you need to exercise your third finger. Seriously.

[RadiantNeedle]

What Othala said!

[Moondust]

You are all SO helpful! Thank you for the responses! I'll be trying to respond to each one individually now:)

[Moondust]

I think a lot of people who dye have noticed their roots looking pretty awful when they start showing up right next to that sparkling chemical magic. I know I have. :grnbiggri It's not that my natural hair colour is awful, it's just that the artificial colour is SO SHINY.

If she meant grey as in "ashy", you could give it a bit of a warmer tone with semi-permanent dyes, which are gentler than permanent dyes.
There are some natural hair dyes, but I don't know any US brands. Logona makes them, but that's a German brand.
You could even do a henna gloss, which is a little bit of henna mixed into your conditioner. If the amount is small enough it shouldn't make your hair drastically red, just give it a bit of warmth.

I know! That's what I mean.. I don't think natural hair looks bad at all. It's just compared to the standard of really pigmented color treated hair. In fact I personally did come to like my natural hair on me because it felt fluffy and soft, and just.. well natural, so I didn't feel like I had to worry about how my hair looked in certain kinds of light, like outside for example. Any time I've dyed my hair in the past, I didn't like how the color looked strange outside. Not saying that it does on all people who color their hair, but on me it usually would.

You know, that is something I have wanted to know for quite a while now. I can't determine whether my hair is more ashy, or more on the golden side. What do you guys think from the pictures of my natural color? My mom has said that she thinks it's more on the golden side. And sometimes I agree with her, under certain lighting. But then other times, it may look a little more 'grey' or ashy under other lighting.. especially like on an overcast day outside, or under fluorescent lighting.

This is how my hair looks under a regular light bulb. This is my favorite kind of light to be under, I think it's most flattering to my hair color because the light gives off a golden glow. I think it even makes my hair look slightly slightly reddish.
http://i883.photobucket.com/albums/ac37/MeltingMirrorSmile/Hair/hair2.jpg

Under compact fluorescent bulb, my least favorite kind of lighting to be in.

http://i883.photobucket.com/albums/ac37/MeltingMirrorSmile/Hair/hair1.jpg

Mix match of just several different kinds of bulbs in lamps around the room.. regular bulbs, and compact fluorescents.

http://i883.photobucket.com/albums/ac37/MeltingMirrorSmile/Hair/hair7.jpg

Under my faaavorite lighting, bathroom vanity mirror bulbs:)
http://i883.photobucket.com/albums/ac37/MeltingMirrorSmile/Hair/hair8.jpg

Outside at night with flash from camera
http://i883.photobucket.com/albums/ac37/MeltingMirrorSmile/Hair/hair4.jpg

and my hair when I was younger

http://i883.photobucket.com/albums/ac37/MeltingMirrorSmile/Hair/hair9.jpg

All the pictures had flash from a camera, so that would contribute as well. I'll try to find a picture of my hair under outside sunlight as well, because that would probably reveal its most true color.

Thanks for the tip about the henna gloss naereid:) I'll consider that and look into it.

[Moondust]

dont worry this is actually really common :)

if your hair is naturally an ash tone colour, or just a cooler tone than the colour you dyed it, when you start to get roots it can look like your going grey at first.

fortunately though as your hair grows it will stop looking `grey´ and start looking like regrowth.

however if your really bothered by it you could always get a semi perminant colour for now, herbatint is all natural, but it may just be easier to wear it up for now untill you have enough growth.

I understand that:) The thing is though, my sister said this to me whenever my hair was fully grown out and getting long.. all my natural color again, as I look in the photos above.

Thanks for the tip on semi-permanent or herbal dye. I have heard of both, but have never tried anything but the permanent dyes. I'm hoping to just become more confident about my natural hair color, but if I feel the need, I will definitely go for those routes instead of the permanent I've always done in the past.


Hello Moondust, sorry to hear that those comments knocked your confidence a bit.

Have you heard of Surya Brasil Henna colourants? They do contain a little henna but are not permanent colours. I think they last about 10 washes max. They contain a lot of herbs and provide great conditioning and are available either as powders or creams. I have used both in the past, and liked them. There are quite a good few shades available, all of them fairly natural looking. If you Googled them you could find out if they are available where you live, or for purchase online.

Don't know if that helps?

No I have not heard of those. I have never had any experience with Henna. In fact when I was younger in high school or so, I would have had no idea such natural kinds of dyes were used. Everyone just always bought a box of the do at home chemical dye from the shelf at the store. Which is where I just learned to go for using really harsh permanent chemical dyes all the time. I didn't know any different. But thanks to time and more experience, and FINDING THIS SITE, I have learned and had my eyes opened to SO much more about hair care, I'm truly grateful.

Thanks for the tip:) I'll consider it.


I have the same thing (I was told once by a hairdresser that my hair is technically dark blonde because it has no natural red in it, even though it is dark brown :confused:) and find that I like to dye it with a semi-permanent that is a very close colour, but that has a shade of red in it.

You know, actually, I know in my original post, I stated that my natural hair is medium brown. But really, looking at it more now, I think it is actually more on the side of light brown. Like right on the verge of being medium, but I think it would technically be considered light brown. I was doing some research just for fun, to see if I could find out what a fancy kind of hair color name would be for my natural color, like you see on hair dye boxes that make the color sound more enticing. And I'm pretty sure my natural color would be considered 'Pecan':) That made me happy, I love pecans.

Maybe your color would be considered 'Suede'? I just thought it was fun looking up these names for hair color.. it makes them sound really pretty, hehe.

Also, I think maybe for hair colors like ours that are fairly in the middle between very dark brown or black, and whitest of blonde, I think it is understandable that maybe at times they may look slightly 'grey', because when converted to grayscale, our hair color really would be grey. Dark brown would convert to looking close to black, and really blonde would convert to looking a very light grey, nearly white. I was just thinking about that.. I've always loved to draw and paint, so I learned about the color wheel and grayscale at a young age:)

Yes, I will definitely keep semi-permanent dye in mind if I ever feel the need for a little punch of color, if nothing more natural would work for me.


Most hair dyes, especially blonde ones, are very much on the golden or yellow side, and I think people have become accustomed to thinking that that fake colour is blonde, when actually the majority of blonde hair is very cool-toned, and ashy.

I actually noticed that my natural hair is MUCH shinier than my dyed hair ever was! Much more interesting looking and not so flat and single-toned as dyed hair tends to be.

If you want something to slightly enhance your hair, you could try cassia, sometimes called "neutral henna". It will give shine, and can tint your hair slightly more golden. It does wash out and fade over time though, but so does hair dye! :)

I think Logona has herbal hair "dyes" that are made up of small amounts of henna and other herbs. Some shades of these might be nice for a boost of colour.


I think you're exactly right:) That's the kind of blonde I always wanted if I could.. a very cool, almost white blonde.

I've noticed that too, and I do regret making a pretty rash decision about coloring my hair again. I'm not going to beat myself up about it, though, because it's a learning experience I feel I'm growing from. You guys have made me feel a lot better already:) I'm really appreciating the look of natural hair all the more now. Any time I've ever dyed my hair with chemical dye (only kind I've ever tried), it just does not compare to the shine, texture, and subtle natural dimension I notice looking back in pictures of my natural hair.

I have heard cassia mentioned somewhere.. I will look into it! Thanks for the tip


I myself think brown is a very beautiful hair color (well, I am biased, I'm brown myself, LOL :D)
But if you want something more vibrant, you could try henna (over brown hair it gives a beautiful mahogany red-brown color), or "henndigo" for very dark color, or you could try lightening with honey. All those ways are non-damaging for hair, but are very permanent (especially the henna)

You know, I am learning to embrace brown on me even more now that I've lost it until I grow this bleach out. I do LOVE brunette hair, it's just that on ME, sometimes I just feel kind of blah. Sometimes I wish I had a very rich dark brown natural color. I think it can look stunning, and tends to give off the air of mystery or comfy warm look. But like I said, I'm learning to embrace my natural medium-ish/light brown hair too now

I have tried some dyes very much on the red side in the past, and I thought they looked amazing on the box. They were like reddish medium to dark browns. But I found I thought they did not look that great with my skin tone once I had them done. I'm not sure what that means.. does that mean I have a cool skin tone? I think I have more pinkish undertones to my skin.. I absolutely love the vibrant red I've seen of pictures of people with vibrant red hennaed hair.. but I think it would look like a catastrophe on me, and would wash out my skin tone very much.

Thanks for the tips on the names of the Hennas.. I will definitely look into those options if I feel I want to try them sometime


I heard about that coffee thing, too. Never tried it, though.
Heard about Balsamico having a similar effect. Personally I think it's too expensive to try. I'm cheap like that. ^^

Me too:P That's another thing about becoming okay with my natural color.. I can't really afford to be dying and maintaining roots every month right now.

[Feline]

One of my younger sisters started pointing out my "greyzies" about 10 years ago. I ignored her, and kept my natural color. Ironically, she now has more natural grey than I do. I just keep my big mouth shut....:rolleyes:

[Arctic_Mama]

My ashy hair looks quite gray next to my brassy, dyed ends. It is also smooth, shiny, and lustrous compared to dull, dry, and pokey, as well! I'd just ignore their comments and focus on what YOU like to see in the mirror :)

[bumblebums]

I always thought that "ashy" was desirable--when people dye their hair blonde, ashy is what they ask for, as opposed to brassy.

Moondust--your hair looks great. It's shiny, healthy, and a perfect color. I wouldn't do a thing to it. Ignore my previous post.

[Moondust]

Next time, try to remember this!

I agree with Melikai...my dark ashy blonde roots are so much shinier and healthier than my bleached brassy ends. My ends are dull and don't reflect much light.

When I think about your hair color it reminds me of Catherine McCormack (http://www.zuguide.com/#Catherine-McCormack), who played Murron in Braveheart. I love her Braveheart hair. Who cares if it's ashy?!

I will, I will...:) This has been a great lesson I've learned. I try to be confident, but it's hard sometimes whenever I also feel I want to fit in too. I realize now that it all depends just what kind of crowd I am trying to fit into. My family is big on coloring their hair, so it's easy to feel like the standard is warped if I'm the only one who appreciates natural hair beauty. But I'm coming out stronger from this:) Learning how to carry my confidence about it no matter who I am around, as long as I am happy about it.

Thank you for that compliment! Wow, I have never seen that movie, but have heard great things about it.. looks like a good 'hair' movie:) Wow! -->

http://l.yimg.com/eb/ymv/us/img/hv/photo/movie_pix/paramount_pictures/braveheart/_group_photos/catherine_mccormack2.jpg


Stories like these make me real glad I'm an only child...you know?

You know, sometimes I used to wish that too. My sister and I can have such a love/"hate" kind of relationship.. she just has a very outrageous kind of personality sometimes, she's very into all the celebrity gossip and fashion trends, and loves to be in the limelight, so at times it can be overwhelming to me, whenever I seem to see things much differently. But then other times, I am so happy to have her as a sister.. she has been a good friend to me over the years and has 'showed me the ropes' with many things because she is my oldest sister and more outgoing than me. I've always been very shy. Deep down she has a good heart, it's just that sometimes, like with anyone, she is not perfect, as I'm not either. We just tend to clash more than I usually do with any of my other siblings:)


I looked at your natural color in your album. I think it's a very nice brown and not gray at all.

I think it's a possibility that so many people dying their hair could skew one's perception of normal just a little bit. For example, my sister has that dark blond/light brown color that I usually see only as roots to someone's highlights.

Anyway, if you don't want to affect the color, try to find ways to make your hair look shinier. I think when my hair is kind of dry it looks lighter and duller.

Thank you very much:) My sister's natural color is actually dark blonde/light brown.. a couple shade lighter than mine. But I haven't seen her in her natural color in years. I always though it was really pretty on pictures of her when we were younger.

Yes, more and more shine would be great! Like I said, we have very hard water here, so any kind of rinse or something I could do that wouldn't make my hair feel a weird texture after it's out and dried, would be wonderful:)


Ash tones do look gray in certain lights, that's for sure. There's nothing wrong with that, and if you hear the "gray" comment again, you can point that out. It's always better on your hair to go a bit darker, so if you want to give your natural color a push away from gray, try something only a shade or two darker, something semi-permanent or deposit only.

Yes, I have a feeling the term 'ash' will be a good line of defense if I receive a comment again:) I'm still not sure if my hair for sure is considered an ash tone or not though.. I just posted some pictures here in this thread if people could help me decide.

Also, I think one of the main reasons it may have looked a little grey, was because it may have been slightly dull, from our hard water. And I need to maybe start using a shampoo that doesn't strip so much.. I've just used Suave for so long. My hair tends to like the clear shampoos better, not the creamy kind.. it gets weighed down easily. But then again I think clear kind tends to maybe be harsher and strip the hair more. My hair gets pretty oily fast, so I can't use anything too oily on my hair that is a leave in product. Maybe I could get into doing some oil treatments though.. leave them in, and then wash them out clean.

Of course.. coming upon this site though, I have since learned that there are many other options to how to wash hair. I haven't had the opportunity to try any of them yet, though. Still just using the Suave shampoo for the most part that I've usually used. And babying my hair a lot more when handling now to prevent damage.


like it's been pointed out already it's not GREY for godsakes!! it's ASH

This is the line I will tell my sister if she says it to me again:-)


Can I say it? Your sister sucks.

I have luck with the classic chamomile rinse for blondes on my own hair, and I know I've seen recommendations for tea/tisane rinses for dark locks here on LHC, too. I have also heard off the coffee rinse, too, and it can't hurt to try!

Sometimes, to be honest, I would say that. But that is just how siblings can be sometimes having different kinds of personalities, being in close quarters so much. She is just very outrageous sometimes, and as I just said in a previous response to someone else on here, she loves keeping up on the latest fashion trends, celebrity gossip.. loves being in the spotlight. She can be too much a lot, but then other times I am still happy she is my sister. I still love her, but out of all my siblings, she is the one I seem to clash with most.

I may actually give the coffee a try:-) Just to see.. and if it doesn't do anything.. oh well, the smell is great!


My hair is ash toned too, so I know what you mean! It actually IS grey now, but I like it, so I don't care.

What I haven't noticed anyone mentioning is that if you do have hard water, you might want to try clarifying (followed by a nice moisture treatment). Then after that, you can rinse your hair the final time with water with just a small amount of vinegar diluted in it (periodically, or every time you wash). This will help with the hard water, if that is dulling your hair. I know my hair looks much shinier when I am away from the hard water!

My mom is nearly 50, and I ask her when she'll start embracing her natural color. I also try to convince her to grow her hair longer again like she had it when my siblings and I were little. She has such thick, wavy, almost curly hair. I wish she would grow it instead of cutting it into a poofy short style. But I don't tell her in a mean way, she can do what makes her happy. She gets it colored every couple months or so. Like I said in my original post, I think silver hair can look beautiful.. it's truly a 'metallic' natural shade:) And my grandpa has the most amazing white head of hair.. I think it's a whole new category of beautiful shades!

I do use a clarifying shampoo.. just Suave. But I've heard it's harsh, so I'm thinking of looking into other options. I need to learn and try some good moisture treatments too. That is one thing my hair could really use right now. Moisture, but without weighing it down.

And it was funny, but not so funny the other day.. I tried pouring some white vinegar on my hair in the shower, and I didn't realize I should have DILUTED it first. I feel really dumb for that:roll: My hair felt so weird after it dried. It felt like straw almost because it had been so stripped from the acid of the vinegar I think. It felt like it was either super stripped, or had a weird coating on it, so that it was hard to even get a brush or even a large tooth comb through it. It's smoothed out since then though. Will DEFINITELY make sure to dilute majorly when I try it next time!

And I know what you mean.. I always look forward to going on vacations.. not only for the sight-seeing and entertainment, but because I look forward to the soft water of the hotel showers! haha! I notice such a huge difference just after even a day or two of that. I hope one day I can live somewhere where I'll have soft water.

Thanks for the tips

[AstrayStar]

Like everyone else has been saying, your natural color is very pretty!!!! However, it is also fun to experiment with stuff too. There are tea rinses that you could experiment with for extra shine or tinting, this is a link to one of my favorite finds.
http://community.livejournal.com/no_poo/58175.html

The other thing you could try, to help remedy your hard water would be to get a shower filter. I got one several months ago and my hair is so much happier!

You and your hair are beautiful! :)

ETA - just noticed your talk of needing moisture - do you smt?
also you could experiment with going no poo (baking soda/vinegar). There is a ton of info our there if you want to read more. My hair was always stripped and lifeless when I used shampoo and was so much happier when I started no poo. Some poeple do find it drying, and the amount of bs could be expreimented with.

ETAA- sorry, I just found this in my bookmarks, I had forgotten about this, on my to try links :)
http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=43441

[Moondust]

I have long stopped listening to my female relatives' opinions about my hair. They are never happy with it. I now just tell them to stop saying stuff about my appearance, and if they don't, I don't visit them for a few years. It pretty much did the trick.

Now, as for changing the color of your hair without dyeing it. There are various things that tint hair slightly. Honey, lemon juice, and camomile are all for blonde hair. Cassia obovata is supposedly color-neutral, but I have seen before-and-after pics that seem to contradict that... For example, see this before (http://noshampooexperiment.blogspot.com/2010/07/no-shampoo-day-167.html) and this after (http://noshampooexperiment.blogspot.com/2010/07/no-shampoo-day-194.html).

For darkening, people use infusions and extracts of rosemary, sage, and black tea. Amla is cooling/darkening when used with henna, but on its own I haven't noticed any coloring effect. All of these herbal dyeing methods only yield temporary results, in my opinion. I have not used coffee on my own hair.

You could also just try washing your hair with something radically different, like a clarifying shampoo, or egg yolk, or baking soda. My hair tone changes slightly depending on what I wash it with. It is always darkest after a vinegar rinse or a nettle rinse, which both probably work primarily by smoothing the hair's cuticle. When the cuticle is roughed up, as in damaged or overwhashed hair, the hair appears lighter in color.

You know.. another thing about this whole thing about recently coloring my hair again.. like I said, I had bleached it, and it turned out fairly well thankfully. Somewhat brassy, but not full out orange like bleaching tends to go on dark hair if not bleached a second time. But this is the thing.. I do like the way the light hair looks on me. And I have actually gotten several compliments from a guy, my one aunt, and then from another aunt at a bridal shower a week or so ago. She said she really loves the color on me. And we weren't even on the subject or anything.. she walked over to me from afar and wanted to tell me that. So that makes it extra hard.. because I feel like 'Wow, I'm actually getting some attention now'. I don't like to sound that way, but everyone likes to feel noticed and special sometimes. No one ever said special things about my natural hair, even though it was getting long. Which is why I almost feel like a somewhat different person now or something just for changing my hair color. But I realize I shouldn't do this.. I first and foremost need to be happy with the health of my hair first. I need to grow comfortable with my natural color, and if other people are judging just by hair color shade.. I don't know, they just have to look harder at me. Sometimes I think some people have this in their mind now that "blondes are more fun". I don't know.. maybe my appearance looks more "sunny" now or something. And I love the sunny look.. I adore beautiful blonde hair. But it's not meant to be me. I was born with brown hair. If people aren't okay with that, I don't know if I want to hang out with those kind of people much anyways.

Hmm, the black tea sounds like something I'd like to give a try:) We actually have some here that needs used up anyways.

I actually did try a white vinegar rinse the other day, and I was naive and didn't know to dilute the vinegar! YIKES. My hair felt so weird afterward when it was dry. I had rinsed out the vinegar as well I could in the shower, but my hair felt so stripped and weird as if it had some strange film on it afterwards. I could hardly even get a comb through it. But it has since smoothed out again. Won't make that mistake again! I have definitely noticed what you said though.. I was like, 'Wow, the 'blonde' color I had has really darkened (since like I said, I bleached it not too long ago). And I thought it must have had something to do with that vinegar.

Thanks for the tips!:)


My hair is silver ash blonde and yes it has a silvery tone but im glad I grew it out ,it looked really crazy next to the gold blonde I dyed it giving a "grey" look. It was just the cool/warm tones clashing.

Its now easier to handle, needs less stuff to look good and its nice to not have to care about roots. Your sister is probably just trying to cause commotion, but its a bit mean of her to say such things, grey can be so beautiful, but if she is saying it with the inetention of upsetting you then the comment is from a bad place. The LHC sister(brother/other) hood is here for you!

Un-dyed hair has the most amazing opulence, espcially the light shades as they can be talnslucent and really lovely. If it really gets to you you could do some honey lightening.

So yes this is very common espcially compared to dyed hair which has more colour deposit giving a more pigmented look. Natural hair is beautiful in its own way (im not against dye/henna etc each to their own!)

Good luck, you arent alone!

Thank you for the words of comfort:) You guys are the best. I'm so happy I found this place<3

I can imagine how crazy my hair will look with the brown roots growing out against the brassy blonde:undecided I may go for coloring it a few more times.. with temporary color, whenever my roots are really, really obvious, just because I don't want to look like I have a brown helmet on a head of faded brassy blond hair after a while! But then.. no more of this kind of dying anymore. Definitely not permanent chemical kind.

I agree, I think it's beautiful in it's own way:) It was going against my own gut feeling to color it. So now I've confirmed that to myself, and you guys are so wonderful with your support<3


Don't give your sister that much power over you, or anyone else for that matter!

It's your hair. You call the shots! If you yourself think it's gray, then fine, but I wouldn't keep trying to "fix" your hair because your sister at one point said it looks gray.

I have ash colored hair. One of the benefits of it is, that it can look very light in huge amounts of light, especially sunlight, and that it gets quite dark in artificial light (and also darker the oilier it gets). Natural hair catches the light the way no artificial color can. That's a huge plus over dyed hair.

I'd use semi permanents to give it a little oomph if that's what you want. They fade after x number of washes.

I'm learning not to. This has been a major learning lesson for me. I feel as if I've crossed a milestone and have grown. I'm learning to have confidence in my unique natural brown hair no matter who I am around from now on:)

I completely agree.. any dye jobs I've done in the past have never been pleasing to me in outdoor light.. I'm really actually getting very excited again now to push forward with my natural hair and grow this out:)

Thanks for the tips!


Darling, you need to exercise your third finger. Seriously.


Hehehe...:) I've never done that to anyone, just not my personality, but I know what you mean!;)

[spidermom]

Your hair really looks quite a bit different in different lights (mine does that too). In some it looks very warm and golden, in others (especially fluorescent) cold and ashy.

[Moondust]

You know what.. I need to look around here more! Just found this thread and feel a little silly for starting up a whole new thread for the blow to my hair color: http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=27906

Thank you all for the very kind words and insights though all the same.. you're the best:) I'm feeling a lot better now.

And for you guys who posted all in between while I was trying to catch up on responding to comments.. I read you guys' posts too:) If I get time I will comment back, but if not, I just wanted to let you know I read every comment in this thread, and thank everyone of you for your words:)

[Joliebaby]

Honey, I don't even think your hair color is ashy at all! It's more honey/copper to me. It's not even true ash under the fluorescent light. Your hair color is VERY pretty!!

But on the subject... My MIL said that my DD's hair (she was about one year old then.. now 1 year 9 months) was grey. I was so offended that I couldn't even come up with a reply. She is quite eccentric and will say whatever..

My daughter has darker hair than probably 99,5&#37; percent of babies here. Maybe it's level 7 dark blonde. It can look like medium honey blonde in some light, and in some light it's darker and ashy. A lot of people who are light blonde kids darken to this shade later. My own hair is darker now than that. Anyway I think her hair is very pretty, it's a bit curly and very strong (doesn't tangle and get matted like most kids' hair) and I hate that that "grey hair" thing is started so early :( I will really try to get her to like her own hair. One major reason I decided to embrace my own and stop dyeing. Though I think she will probably have medium to dark brown hair when she is older.. Dark haired people in my family.. And I was blonder than her as a kid, as was my brother, and ours darkened quite a bit too.

Anyway, I think that natural dark ash blonde is ethereal and beautiful, and very rare since nearly everyone dyes their hair. It can be gorgeously shiny, luminescent, and change tone depending on the light.

[Moondust]

Honey, I don't even think your hair color is ashy at all! It's more honey/copper to me. It's not even true ash under the fluorescent light. Your hair color is VERY pretty!!

But on the subject... My MIL said that my DD's hair (she was about one year old then.. now 1 year 9 months) was grey. I was so offended that I couldn't even come up with a reply. She is quite eccentric and will say whatever..

My daughter has darker hair than probably 99,5% percent of babies here. Maybe it's level 7 dark blonde. It can look like medium honey blonde in some light, and in some light it's darker and ashy. A lot of people who are light blonde kids darken to this shade later. My own hair is darker now than that. Anyway I think her hair is very pretty, it's a bit curly and very strong (doesn't tangle and get matted like most kids' hair) and I hate that that "grey hair" thing is started so early :( I will really try to get her to like her own hair. One major reason I decided to embrace my own and stop dyeing. Though I think she will probably have medium to dark brown hair when she is older.. Dark haired people in my family.. And I was blonder than her as a kid, as was my brother, and ours darkened quite a bit too.

Anyway, I think that natural dark ash blonde is ethereal and beautiful, and very rare since nearly everyone dyes their hair. It can be gorgeously shiny, luminescent, and change tone depending on the light.

Thank you very much : ) You know, I really didn't think it was ash either. I didn't think it's extremely warm toned, but more-so on that side, so that is why I'm not sure I can go with that reasoning. But, what I do think, is that the main reason is because my sister always colors her hair. And compared to every one of my other sisters (I have three sisters), and my mom, who all dye their hair, my hair may at times look more 'dusty' in comparison to the metallic shine of theirs. As a result, they all keep their hair cut rather short as well. But it is my goal to have silky soft long hair to my waist, or perhaps tail bone. I've decided that I would MUCH rather have the natural soft tone and texture of my hair, as opposed to sacrificing the condition of my hair just for some extreme brilliant color, and ending up having straw on my head.

You know, I know even sometimes myself, I may end up saying things that other people might take offense to, without intending to. I really don't mean to.. I think everyone does that on accident sometimes. But something like this.. I don't think it's excusable. Like what your mother-in-law said.. someone who was about to blurt out that someone's hair looks grey when they are very young, would have to realize that that would hurt the feelings of someone. I'm sorry she said that. But I understand now that really many people with this hair color have dealt with this issue. I'm so glad to find the companionship and consolation here : )

I don't think my hair falls exactly in the category of being light brown/on the verge of blonde, but I do think it's right on the edge of being somewhere in the light brown category. Which is, I think, why I haven't received this grey comment a whole lot in my life, but it is still possible I may receive it on on occasion because I think it's rather close to this in-between color. And I don't really have a problem with it! It's beautiful soft hair I love on anyone.. it's whenever I hear people insulting people about it that makes me upset. I almost feel like a defender of this hair color now, lol. If I hear someone insult it again, I'll put them through a whole lecture of why the hair color is the way it is, and about hair pigment and how it is the middle ground on the color scale before brown hair has LESS pigment and goes to the other side where blondes range.

It sounds like your daughter has beautiful texture of hair:) That's a wonderful thing from the heart you've done for her.. to set an example by embracing your natural color. You know, when I was very little, my hair did look almost blonde too. My one sister had very white blonde hair when she was little. But I had around this very dark blonde/light brown when I was very young. But then when I was over 5 or so and on, I had pretty much the color I do now.. rather darker than all my other sisters.

I hope your daughter grows to embrace that her hair can be beautiful too : ) Maybe you could also do things like give her some pretty hair accessories that accentuate the tone of her natural hair, and maybe she will grow to learn to accentuate and beautify her natural hair this way as she grows older. This would be great, because it can be more versatile than coloring hair anyways I think! And also, if she would like to start wearing some makeup as a young teen, you could give her tips and help her choose colors that will compliment her eye and hair color. I know this is the main thing I had trouble with as a young teen starting to wear a little makeup.. some makeup I would get would not look very flattering on me, and I would blame things like my hair color or eye color or skin tone. But really, all I needed to do was switch my thinking around and find the make up that flattered my natural hair and eye color. I went through dying my hair a lot in high school because I didn't realize how I could accentuate my own natural features by just choosing the right colors of makeup, clothes, etc. for me.