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View Full Version : Maybe I'm just paranoid...



HintOfMint
August 26th, 2010, 03:48 PM
... but... does anybody feel distrustful when a female friend or acquaintance tells them they should cut their hair or, "It would look so cute short!" (This is only if you, yourself, are a woman)

I hate that this thought occurs to me. If I am completely wrong for thinking this, please tell me. But it's something that I keep thinking when an acquaintance says I would look great in an "edgy" bob. I generally have the longest hair in the room, and it's clearly in wonderful condition, and very natural looking in the sense that I don't straighten it or have a lot of product, so it looks like it is in its natural state. Sometimes I feel like this is a subconscious thing that women do, they try to get others to look nice and fashionable but not attractive to the opposite sex.

Am I being crazy?

PiroskaCicu
August 26th, 2010, 04:00 PM
I don't think you are crazy- but at the same time I don't think this is always the case.
But, for my example, I had waist length, natural hair , I never dyed it or straightened it once in my life. My close friend kept pressuring me to cut my hair really short and dye it , apparently it would look "amazing" on me. I think its a form of jealousy...because she would always tell me how she hated her hair...even though i thought her hair was beautiful. But anyway, I did cut my hair , sadly, partially due to her pressure as well as other comments I received that hurt my feelings. (people calling me names, even my teacher teased me for my hair, saying that long hair was for hippies only...really a jerk.)

*end rant*

lapushka
August 26th, 2010, 04:04 PM
Nope. It's a fact of life. Catty, competing, women exist. There are women who simply delight in making other womens' life a living hell, and most of them are quite the little angels / "subtle" about it. Women like that are able to sugarcoat their hatred, jealousy, for you so much you don't even have a clue and you won't see it coming. They can do plenty of damage if you trust them and their "honest" opinion.

That's why I tend to distrust a lot of women. That's why I tend to like this place, no such atmosphere. At least, not so much.

christine1989
August 26th, 2010, 04:08 PM
I thought I was the only one who thought that! I'm glad to know that someone else shares my suspicions. I think that it is true that it can be a manifestation of hair jealousy but sometimes my friend say the same thing just because they genuinely liked my old short pixie cut.

kittensoupnrice
August 26th, 2010, 04:13 PM
Nope.
Actually, I found that when I was in the shoulder to BSL and even down towards waist length, I would occasionally get those comments. Now that I've gotten past waist and am down towards tbl and classic, the comments have stopped.

I think it mostly has to do with why people think you have longer hair, though. Shoulder and BSL might make some people think that "oh, you used to have a bob, but have been too busy to keep up your style". You might just be indecisive. Maybe you've been meaning to go back to the salon and just haven't had time, or aren't feeling inspired to go. A lot of my friends who keep charming bob length styles occasionally get bogged down by work or kids or whatever to make it to the salon to get trimmed back, and before you know it! They have shoulder or even BSL hair, and then someone reminds them that they loved that bob, and they go back to it.

By the time you reach longer stages, I think some people begin to realize that what you're doing is deliberate, instead of just inattention.

Arianwen
August 26th, 2010, 04:16 PM
I itch sometimes to tell someone with uber long hair how pretty their hair is, but I keep my trap shut.

Jasperine
August 26th, 2010, 04:37 PM
Some women do it all the time, sometimes without even realising it. We want to be the hottest/most beautiful person in the room. Like, when someone get hair envy they maybe feel like "oh, I'd wish she would chop of her hair - then I would have the longest hair and people would look at me instead".

spidermom
August 26th, 2010, 04:48 PM
I think there are probably as many reasons for a comment like that as there are people who make such comments. I told a friend that once because she was constantly complaining about her hair, and I thought it would be easier for her if she cut it short. Other people see long, untouched hair as raw materials that they could make something really cool out of, like a seamstress seeing an untouched bolt of silk. And so forth.

I'm sure that some are envious.

Sammich
August 26th, 2010, 04:52 PM
Some women do it all the time, sometimes without even realising it. We want to be the hottest/most beautiful person in the room. Like, when someone get hair envy they maybe feel like "oh, I'd wish she would chop of her hair - then I would have the longest hair and people would look at me instead".

I almost am guilty of that, but thank God I haven't done anything like that... yet. :p
Mwahaha. :o
;)

McFearless
August 26th, 2010, 05:35 PM
I pick my friends wisely, so no. If a friend gives me advice its generally coming from a good place. Of course there will be women and men that are insecure and want you to look worse. You just have to shrug it off and have some confidence. No comment should push you to alter your image.

Nae
August 26th, 2010, 05:38 PM
I have never or would never tell someone to cut just so I could outgrow them BUT I have to admit when we hired the newest girl at our office and her hair was longer than mine I thought to myself, "Aw nuts! Just one more person I need to outgrow!" I was so close to being the longest one in the office, darn it all anyway! I console myself with the thought that they all have very fried and overly processed hair.

So I would totally be suspicious of others telling me to cut because I can sometimes feel the competition that would make women do that and I am not even a very competitive soul.

P.S. This is one of my deepest darkest secrets. I really wish I didn't feel this way. It is something I try to stomp down everytime I recognize it.

Kathie
August 26th, 2010, 06:13 PM
I agree that girls can be crazy competitive when it comes to looks and style and they subtlety project this in their comments.

But when you have long hair its obviouse that you're a "hair person" so people will run with this when trying to make conversation. Some people arent expert conversationallists so they may say something in passing that isn't meant to be taken too strongly, such as "oh you have long hair have you ever thought about cutting it, I think it would look nice?" Its just that this is all they have ready to go.

But if it was an LHC-er I'm sure the hair inspired conversation would be a bit more though out... "oh you have long hair, are you using coconut oil, whats your goal length?" etc.

Gvnagitlvgei
August 26th, 2010, 06:46 PM
I've noticed this on the various t.v. makeovers.

Centaur
August 26th, 2010, 07:40 PM
<snip>
Sometimes I feel like this is a subconscious thing that women do, they try to get others to look nice and fashionable but not attractive to the opposite sex.
<snip>


This. Yes. Not all women but certainly some.

HintOfMint
August 27th, 2010, 12:00 AM
Thank god I'm not the only one. Granted, I don't think this is the case with all women, or even most women, but certainly many women. And I seriously doubt this is even conscious. It's probably the opposing ideas of "girl hot" vs. "guy hot," not to quote cosmo, or anything:o

Henrietta
August 27th, 2010, 12:37 PM
You are not crazy... I feel more or less the same but I met few girls who didn't do it subconsciously, but intentionally... And, you know... Now everyone needs to look the same. If celebrities wear a bob one season, all of us have to wear it too. Black nails and red coats too. Blah...:( I hate it.
I think that people who have their own style, I believe that having long hair is kind of style, isn't it?... anyway... people who have their own style make the "fashionable robots" less self confident. Because the whole world should look the same! What's wrong with you? Why you don't have bob?! Why do you have your own style? How dare you? Etc, etc.
I am ironic when it's late.

growingmyhair
August 27th, 2010, 12:55 PM
I generally have the longest hair in the room, and it's clearly in wonderful condition
they are all freakin JEALOUS AS HELL. TRUST.


Sometimes I feel like this is a subconscious thing that women do, they try to get others to look nice and fashionable but not attractive to the opposite sex.
100% true, Dr. Freud. it's not about 'evil catty jealous competitive bitches' it's about having subconscious desire to be the most attractive to men


even my teacher teased me for my hair, saying that long hair was for hippies only...really a jerk.
WTF??? is he NUTS? I mean, SERIOUSLY?? O.o it's like the 5th comment on LHC I read today how ppl keep bullying longhairs - wtf??? if hair looks bad you just keep it to yourself BECAUSE IT'S POLITE but when the hair looks freaking GORGEOUS you just admire the beauty!!

btw I used to have this friend of mine whose hair was UNBELIEVABLE - straight, past her waist, thick and smooth, of great colour - I admired it so much!!! and you know what? I kept thinking that 'so what I definitely have better face and my hair suits me better than her' - can you believe it??!! we were friends, I liked her so much, she was a great person and I truly loved her hair and still I had this thought!


people who have their own style make the "fashionable robots" less self confident. Because the whole world should look the same! What's wrong with you? Why you don't have bob?!
I second that

Bene
August 27th, 2010, 01:10 PM
The crazy "I'm going to give you unsolicited beauty advice" types, I tend to weed those sorts of people out of my social circle.

I shared this story here before, in some long ago forgotten thread:


My hair used to be roughly waist length. (Long hair in my family is sort of a big deal, but no one has the discipline to NOT cut it, maybe that's why it's a big deal?) On the rare occasions that I had my hair down my sister would say "Oh, your hair is so long". That then turned into "Your hair is too long" and it later became "You should cut your hair". I never paid attention to her, I mean, it is my hair after all.

One day, I finally did cut all the way to about nape length. For my own reasons (it was 3 am, I was bored) totally unrelated to what my sister had been saying. When she saw my hair, the first thing out of her mouth was "Oh, you cut your hair. Now mine is longer than yours, tee hee!". It dawned on me that my sister had been trying to get me to cut my hair so that she'd have the longest hair out everyone in the family. Petty competition, all in her head. It's subtle. If I had any idea that she was keeping track of hair length in that way, I never would have cut. In the long run, it doesn't matter, my hair is now longer, is healthier, and looks way better than hers. I'm not even bragging, my hair is far prettier than my sister's. And, I normally would never say something like that, but hey, she started it :D


Women and hair. It can be so ugly.

growingmyhair
August 27th, 2010, 01:20 PM
in Bene's story things got ugly... :D

Heidi_234
August 27th, 2010, 01:24 PM
I doubt that. Outside LHC people don't usually think about HAIR HAIR HAIR like us. Not everybody thinks they should have the longest hair in the room. Actually many of the women I know think quite the opposite.

I'd go with Spidermom's idea - they just see raw material and think "Wow, if only it was cut neatly, styled and dyed, it could look amazing!". It's a very common way of thinking in our modern times. Hair is just one more thing to temper with. :shrug:

Bene
August 27th, 2010, 01:38 PM
in Bene's story things got ugly... :D


It gets uglier.


She's JUST starting to grow back what she lost in the post-partum shedding, so it looks awful, on top of her abusing it. I swear, I would never do this to another living human being, because it's just plain wrong, but she deserves it. But, when she visits, I'll casually take my bun down and lazily fingercomb. Then pull it over one shoulder and sigh in a "Oh, what am I going to do with all this thick hair?", then re-bun and sashay away.



She started it :shrug:

brunette
August 27th, 2010, 01:57 PM
I don't think every negative comment from other women is because they are jealous but certainly some of them. My mum for example showed my SIL photos of me with pixie length hair. The next time she saw me she badgered me about it, saying it looked so good on me that I should cut it again, maybe she was jealous I don't know - but she knows by now that I am very proud of having long hair and we have a good relationship so she has never said anything of the sort since.

Back when I had waist length hair my friend started showing me photos of short haircuts asking me which would suit her best (the guy she liked seemed to prefer bobs and short cuts) and I told her she might regret it if she cut, but that if she was insistent to cut it shorter she should not go too short at once, and helped her narrow down her choice. Anyway, she had it cut to above shoulder, she showed me a photo (she lived across country from me) and said she was not happy with how it turned out. Because she was stuck with it, I tried to say helpful things to help her live with it. She then started on me, trying to persuade me to cut my hair and when I told her "no I'm going to let my hair grow longer" she seemed quite pissed off with me!
I'm always very wary of her competitive streak.

LouLaLa
August 27th, 2010, 02:06 PM
I think some do and some dont.

I remember at school I used to get alot of comments that I "showed off" my hair when I used to move it out my way, but I wasnt flicking it I was just stopping it getting caught in my backpack!

I have also had friends who loved it and didnt begrudge me my hair. I had an amazing friend who loved to brush it and it inspired her to grow her own which made me happy!

I think I got alot of prejudice too because Im naturally blonde so people thought I was growing it to show off or be "barbie" like, which was daft as I was sitting exams at the time and it had grown through a lack of time to go get cuts, neglect etc.

On the other hands I think I was friends with alot of girls who grew their hair long so there was some envy when others achieved better growth than others but also alot of appreciation of the achivement.

I dont think youre crazy, where I live long hair = status and wealth as women get verrrrrry long extensions and as such they just assume youve spent a fortune to get long hair. So there is some envy but also an admiration too (I also find it odd that I hear so many people who have had negative hair comments, I feel so sorry for you guys as long har is really seen as special in my town, especially if it is good quality, as it suggests wealth and luxury) the world is a funny place!

Toadstool
August 27th, 2010, 02:07 PM
I doubt that. Outside LHC people don't usually think about HAIR HAIR HAIR like us. Not everybody thinks they should have the longest hair in the room. Actually many of the women I know think quite the opposite.

I'd go with Spidermom's idea - they just see raw material and think "Wow, if only it was cut neatly, styled and dyed, it could look amazing!". It's a very common way of thinking in our modern times. Hair is just one more thing to temper with. :shrug:

I agree with the above.

growingmyhair
August 27th, 2010, 02:45 PM
It gets uglier.


She's JUST starting to grow back what she lost in the post-partum shedding, so it looks awful, on top of her abusing it. I swear, I would never do this to another living human being, because it's just plain wrong, but she deserves it. But, when she visits, I'll casually take my bun down and lazily fingercomb. Then pull it over one shoulder and sigh in a "Oh, what am I going to do with all this thick hair?", then re-bun and sashay away.



She started it :shrug:
wow, aren't you mean :D


Outside LHC people don't usually think about HAIR HAIR HAIR like us. Not everybody thinks they should have the longest hair in the room.still doesn't change the subconscious stuff. long healthy hair = health through a long period of time/probably through life/ which makes a woman with beautiful long healthy hair more attractive. I've seen research on that - males are attracted to long hairs.


Actually many of the women I know think quite the opposite. yes, that's because of all the fashion. don't you think long hairstyles are mostly considered old fashioned now? because of all the modern cuts? it's really a challenge to make long hair look fashionable. well, if it's very long. lately it's been fashionable to have bsl hair (thus everyone who could afford it got extensions)

also, short cuts are considered feminist and edgy. like a woman needs to cut her hair to show she's independent and is not a sexual object. but if a woman needs to cut her hair to show she's no sexual object the role of hair here is sexualized by definition, isn't it?

desertgirl
August 27th, 2010, 02:56 PM
I think there is some of that jealous competitive nature in some women, but like others have said, all women don't act on it.

Another possibility is that people see hair like some people see money. If you have a lot of it you should spend it, not save it in the bank and watch it grow. Of course, like money, once hair is spent (cut) it is gone... something short-sighted spenders don't think about.

Some are savers others are spenders.

BrightEyes7
August 27th, 2010, 03:00 PM
I totally feel the same. There was a friend I had in high school who would always tell me to cut my hair. She said I would look good with a short bob.... uhhh... I have a round face, no I wouldn't!

I found it quite convinient that she was the only other person with long hair... I think she thought I might steal her spotlight.

irishlady
August 27th, 2010, 03:02 PM
Oh I feel this way too, even if they mean it as a compliment, I'm usually thinking "Are you trying to say my hair looks bad long or something?"

rhosyn_du
August 27th, 2010, 03:14 PM
I generally tend to assume that sort of comment is entirely well-intentioned. Most people seem to view hair as a fashion accessory, so it seems likely that most women think of comments like "oh, you'd look so good with a bob" the same way they do "oh, you'd look so cute in that dress." Unless someone's being obviously pushy or nasty about it, I don't see any reason to assume ill intent. :shrug:

Heidi_234
August 27th, 2010, 03:17 PM
wow, aren't you mean :D

still doesn't change the subconscious stuff. long healthy hair = health through a long period of time/probably through life/ which makes a woman with beautiful long healthy hair more attractive. I've seen research on that - males are attracted to long hairs.

...

yes, that's because of all the fashion. don't you think long hairstyles are mostly considered old fashioned now? because of all the modern cuts? it's really a challenge to make long hair look fashionable. well, if it's very long. lately it's been fashionable to have bsl hair (thus everyone who could afford it got extensions)

also, short cuts are considered feminist and edgy. like a woman needs to cut her hair to show she's independent and is not a sexual object. but if a woman needs to cut her hair to show she's no sexual object the role of hair here is sexualized by definition, isn't it?

If it's there, it's deeply subconscious. I just doubt somebody would recommend an angled bob to a longhair without actually thinking about it. IMHO, signs of health and good genes are effecting us on a very subconscious level, whereas fashionable choices are thoughts we're more aware of. I don't say that the connection is not there, I agree, it is, but I just doubt one leads to the other.

I agree with you on the last paragraph. I feel that sometimes it's fashion that enslaves the people, and presses them into doing/being something because of the context. I would much prefer to live in the world where hair is just hair, not a fashion statement or a personal states. I grow my hair long because I feel the need to have it long, not because I'm a submissive woman or trying so hard to be out-of-fashion. Actually, I don't care one bit what anyone thinks of my hair anyway, so the world can carry on as it is. :)

jera
August 27th, 2010, 03:30 PM
I think it depends on the people involved and their hair, (or lack thereof,) I grew up with a girl who had the thickest most decadently gorgeous honey blonde hair on the planet. NO ONE ever suggested she cut it.
My hair on the other hand, :o well, sometimes women do suggest a cut. But I'm not interested, and sure, I do question some women's motives when they suggest such things but not as much now as when I was a catty teenager myself. :)

May
August 27th, 2010, 04:16 PM
I think some people just like to assume everyone is jealous of them. I've encountered lots of women who's go to defense is always "she's just jealous"... In my opinion most of the time it's really just someone else not liking something on someone...just because you don't like something doesn't mean you are jealous of it. I think more people just like to give advice and want the other person to look their best. Not everyone thinks long hair is super awesome like we do :P

Aleria
August 27th, 2010, 04:57 PM
Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
I've looked at myself and gone "Hey, I'd look cute if I cut and dyed my hair some unusual colour", even though I love my long(ish) hair.

Joliebaby
August 28th, 2010, 02:52 AM
I agree that it can be jealousy -or not. I had a friend (who I thank God am no longer in contact with) who was sooo good at talking people into stupid things. Like cutting my BSL hair I'd been growing out, to a pixie. She of course tried to grow her own hair.. But, as an adult I've come to think that she was a narcissistic personality. Ugh the things she did!

My good friends would never give unsolicited beauty/style advise anyway.