Feeling guilty about wearing hair down

[HintOfMint]

Basically for the past year or so, I have been singing the praises of wearing my hair up all the time and washing it only every 4 days or so. But lately, I have been wearing my hair down more and more and washing it every other day because I have developed a crush on a certain someone. I feel better and look better with my hair down and properly washed, and I know he has noticed how long it is. I feel unbelievably silly for doing this, but I just like to look nice when he's around (which is often). Also, I feel like my hair is one of the few unequivocally attractive parts of me.

But yes, it does take an effect on my hair. I get the nape tangles, like always. I don't see much damage yet, but I'm only a month removed from my last trim.
I've been (very gently) combing my hair periodically throughout the day to prevent the tangles from turning into huge mats, and fingercombing when I can. But even this has to be more mechanical damage than I would have otherwise.

Should I continue to wear it down and just keep up with S&D? Should I keep combing during the day? Or should I just suck it up, put my hair in an updo and kick my vanity to the curb where it belongs?

ETA: old thread, so an update is in post #43

[Gypsygirl]

I wear my hair down allllll the time... I do have to detangle several times a day but other than that, it's fine... I use a simple vent brush and start at the bottom. Oh, and I also use a good conditioner and leave-in every time I wash.

By the way... It's OK to want to look nice for your love. ;)

[Anje]

You might want to investigate whether any leave-ins (silicones, oils, etc.) can help lessen the tangling. With my hair, fewer tangles means less damage, period.

It might not hurt to cut back on wearing your hair loose, maybe to once or twice a week. Your crush now knows what long, pretty hair you have. While I'm sure he appreciates seeing it, I doubt he'll assume that it's permanently gone if you contain it.

[Phexlyn]

Generally, I think you should do what makes you happy.
But I can see that your feelings concerning this decision might be a bit confused at the moment because you want to attract that person.

I just want to throw in an idea which I think is important: do not give him the impression you always wear your hair down, if it's not what you're going to do (and want to do) in the long run. He might get a wrong impression or just a different image of your personality.
Now, I'm not saying you should stop wearing it down immediately and only go bunned as usual, but why not wear a ponytail, or a half-up, or a loose bun? You could alternate between loose and up-styles. Make sure you stay yourself, you don't want to maskerade just for his sake for ever on, do you?

Wishing you all the best :blossom:

[LILBERT]

In my personal (if what limited) experience with guys, as much as they love long hair down, they can be equally fascinated by an intricate/pretty updo, aswell as awsome/unusual hairtoys. :o Just thought id mention.

[goldenoak]

If washing every/other and wearing it down makes you feel beautiful, then it's worth doing for yourself. If the Certain Someone thinks it's lovely too then that's a bonus, but I think the primary gain is that it feels nice to look nice. :)

IMO, hair should be worn and maintained for maximum enjoyment rather than maximum length or 'perfection'. Yes, that may mean combing out more tangles and sacrificing a few inches to S&D and trims, but I think delighting in your hair on a daily basis is worth that. So I'd say it's just fine to wear your lovely locks down. :flower:

[Carolyn]

Like another poster said, he knows by now how long and gorgeous your hair is. Why not show him a fantastic repertoire of updos, braids, and other long styles?

[spidermom]

A suggestion about wearing hair down and the nape tangles - wearing very smooth materials help. If your shirt has texture, best put hair up or braid it.

I think throwing some up-dos into the mix would catch his eye. Guys tend to glaze out over things that they see every day.

[hmmm]

While I'm sure he appreciates seeing it, I doubt he'll assume that it's permanently gone if you contain it.

:eye: :no:

:bounce:

ETA +1 to spidermom's opinion. DBF was telling me the other day that he's noticing what women do with their hair lately, and asked me why they never do any of the cool things I can do with mine :D

[brunette]

I agree, plus a different updo from time to time adds to the mystique ;)

Some guys love how an updo exposes the neck, the ears, and shows the face. It's great having long hair, we have the best of both worlds!

[HintOfMint]

Thank you all for your advice and perspectives!


Generally, I think you should do what makes you happy.
But I can see that your feelings concerning this decision might be a bit confused at the moment because you want to attract that person.

I just want to throw in an idea which I think is important: do not give him the impression you always wear your hair down, if it's not what you're going to do (and want to do) in the long run. He might get a wrong impression or just a different image of your personality.
Now, I'm not saying you should stop wearing it down immediately and only go bunned as usual, but why not wear a ponytail, or a half-up, or a loose bun? You could alternate between loose and up-styles. Make sure you stay yourself, you don't want to maskerade just for his sake for ever on, do you?

Wishing you all the best :blossom:

You are too right. It is best to be up front about who you are and how you usually present yourself. I'm not one for the bait-and-switch!


I agree, plus a different updo from time to time adds to the mystique ;)

Some guys love how an updo exposes the neck, the ears, and shows the face. It's great having long hair, we have the best of both worlds!

To Brunette and the others who expounded on the virtues of wearing hair up and its own appeal, I have my hair in a braided bun as I type. And yes, I am going to leave the house in that:) I'm going to go back to wearing it up more often, but I think I'll pay more attention to different kinds of updos. Braided bun, french twists, infinity bun... etc. If anything, it may add a bit of mystery, and maybe make more of an impact on the occasion that it is down.

To the rest who suggested ways of preventing tangles, coconut oil definitely helps, although it doesn't solve the problem entirely. My hair silicones and SLS on the ends, so alas, while they work in the short term, I don't want to do that much to my hair. He's not THAT cute.:p
The silky top idea is a great one, but that involves spending money on clothes, which is not something I should do at the moment, being a starving grad student and all.:o

Basically, I'm going to try to not be so taken with him. In the end, if it works out, great, if it doesn't, no big. And that outcome almost certainly does not hinge upon my hair.

[princessp]

Lots of good thoughts here in this thread. I just want to remind you that you might "overly saturate" the "wow factor" of your gorgeous locks if you wear them down all the time. It might actually be more seductive at this point if you wore it up more and only gave him a glimpse or two of the whole length. What you would be saying if you did this is "if we get more intimate you can see more". After all, your hair is precious to you. If after doing this he comments on wanting to see more of your hair down then you know he has noticed (and perhaps he's interested). Know what I mean?

[jane53]

It's easier on my hair when I wear it down. I wear it up sometimes for variety in workplace hairstyles, but the snapping and breaking of hair that results from wearing it up is not why I do it!

[Jenn of Pence]

Sounds like you're finding a good balance of up and down that makes you happy, even if that also coincides with impressing someone else. ;)
I love love love wearing my hair down, and since it's always been around bsl it hasn't been too inconvenient and it doesn't get too tangled. However, as someone mentioned above, the idea of having extreme long hair be a bit of a mystery for most of the people one meets is intriguing. When my hair gets longer, I may find that I want to wear it up more for many reasons, but I agree, having it down can be a real wow factor, especially if it isn't overdone.

[ericthegreat]

If this man truly likes you as a person HintofMint, then it wouldn't matter to him what you do with your hair. He likes you for YOU, not your hair. If he really likes you, he would like you in a neat updo just as much as he would love you with your hair loose. I would actually switch things up if I were you.........................try out some nice buns with some pretty hairsticks, some braids, and then only once in a while you'll let your hair down as a nice treat.

[Djinmonet]

Mmmm. I did this when I was closely around my fiance at first. My hair was knee length, and I loved the way he reacted to it. Even slept with it loose a few nights. Paid for that damage in LONG S&D's..lol

I think I felt silly putting it up, as his hair was waist length, and he never bothered. I also wasn't sure I looked as nice with it away from my face. Finally had to sit down and think about the differences in our hair types. Started with a single braid, to fully up, to wrapped *to death* for the night, hairstyles. He hasn't said anything bad once, and still loves me. :D

[HintOfMint]

Lots of good thoughts here in this thread. I just want to remind you that you might "overly saturate" the "wow factor" of your gorgeous locks if you wear them down all the time. It might actually be more seductive at this point if you wore it up more and only gave him a glimpse or two of the whole length. What you would be saying if you did this is "if we get more intimate you can see more". After all, your hair is precious to you. If after doing this he comments on wanting to see more of your hair down then you know he has noticed (and perhaps he's interested). Know what I mean?



Sounds like you're finding a good balance of up and down that makes you happy, even if that also coincides with impressing someone else. ;)
I love love love wearing my hair down, and since it's always been around bsl it hasn't been too inconvenient and it doesn't get too tangled. However, as someone mentioned above, the idea of having extreme long hair be a bit of a mystery for most of the people one meets is intriguing. When my hair gets longer, I may find that I want to wear it up more for many reasons, but I agree, having it down can be a real wow factor, especially if it isn't overdone.

I actually really love this. I think I'm going to wear it up for a long time, and then all of a sudden let it down (preferably the day after an SMT and maybe a hair wrapping) to shock his senses a bit. Or maybe let him see it loose for a second before putting it up right in front of him. There are so many sad little variations on this idea.:o



If this man truly likes you as a person HintofMint, then it wouldn't matter to him what you do with your hair. He likes you for YOU, not your hair. If he really likes you, he would like you in a neat updo just as much as he would love you with your hair loose. I would actually switch things up if I were you.........................try out some nice buns with some pretty hairsticks, some braids, and then only once in a while you'll let your hair down as a nice treat.

Intellectually, I know this. It is just hard to actually feel it. Especially since it's just a crush, and we're not even dating. It's hard not to get caught up in the superficiality of the flirting stage and remind myself that even though physical attraction matters, it will more than likely not rest on my hair. That being said, I'm still looking forward to wearing it up for a while to see what kind of "wow factor" I can incur when I let it down.


Mmmm. I did this when I was closely around my fiance at first. My hair was knee length, and I loved the way he reacted to it. Even slept with it loose a few nights. Paid for that damage in LONG S&D's..lol

I think I felt silly putting it up, as his hair was waist length, and he never bothered. I also wasn't sure I looked as nice with it away from my face. Finally had to sit down and think about the differences in our hair types. Started with a single braid, to fully up, to wrapped *to death* for the night, hairstyles. He hasn't said anything bad once, and still loves me. :D

Jeez, loose at knee-length?? You must have been smitten, darling.

[proo]

I say get it all clean and smelling intoxicating, then accidentally whack him in the face with it.

[Djinmonet]

Oh, yes, completely head over heels..lol What's worse is I didn't just have it down while we strolled around civilization... I was hiking through dense, muddy, slippery forest with my knee length hair loose. :eek: I think I had it looped over one arm, and close to my chest, more then a few times. So much so, that I couldn't use both arms to balance. :o

[HintOfMint]

Oh, yes, completely head over heels..lol What's worse is I didn't just have it down while we strolled around civilization... I was hiking through dense, muddy, slippery forest with my knee length hair loose. :eek: I think I had it looped over one arm, and close to my chest, more then a few times. So much so, that I couldn't use both arms to balance. :o

Wow, it's worse than I thought. We make such fools of ourselves over boys, don't we?:)

[christine1989]

I have the same problem- I like my hair down sometimes but it tangles horribly so constant combing is a must. I always keep a clip with me so I can wear my hair both up and down during the day. Its always a good idea to keep hairclips around just in case there is wind or rain so your hair dosen't get damage from unruly weather. You could also try keeping oil or smoothing serums with you so you can de-frizz and protect your hair when it is down during the day.

[CherrySilver]

Basically for the past year or so, I have been singing the praises of wearing my hair up all the time and washing it only every 4 days or so. But lately, I have been wearing my hair down more and more and washing it every other day because I have developed a crush on a certain someone. I feel better and look better with my hair down and properly washed, and I know he has noticed how long it is. I feel unbelievably silly for doing this, but I just like to look nice when he's around (which is often). Also, I feel like my hair is one of the few unequivocally attractive parts of me.

But yes, it does take an effect on my hair. I get the nape tangles, like always. I don't see much damage yet, but I'm only a month removed from my last trim.
I've been (very gently) combing my hair periodically throughout the day to prevent the tangles from turning into huge mats, and fingercombing when I can. But even this has to be more mechanical damage than I would have otherwise.

Should I continue to wear it down and just keep up with S&D? Should I keep combing during the day? Or should I just suck it up, put my hair in an updo and kick my vanity to the curb where it belongs?

Ha, ha, that's really funny. No, I'm not trying to make fun of you, but it's the same way with my husband. He actually prefers me to wear my hair down ("'cause it's prettier"), and even accused me of being mad at him by wearing it up all the time (after comb out in the a.m. till when I go to bed).

If you think that you're having trouble with tangles and such now, just wait till it's past tailbone! My hair is *much* happier up, and my breakage is minimal; but, if I wear it down, fugettaboutit. I've decided to compromise a bit for his sake (at least for now), like if we're going out to dinner or maybe after we finish dinner at home. Oh, yeah, I have to take extra time combing it out if I do wear it down, even at home. That's about it. You can decide what you want to do: all up or maybe down some of time or something in between.

[HintOfMint]

UPDATE! (sorry, it's an old thread)

... he likes me.:crush:

[gossamer]

UPDATE! (sorry, it's an old thread)

... he likes me.:crush:

:D:D:D Crushes returned are so much fun. Enjoy!

[krissykins]

Play coy and hide your hair every once in a while ;)

Maybe try some updos where you can pull the front pieces down to frame your face? That's always cute!

ETA: Saw the update, haha. So let us know what happens between you two!

[Debra83]

I say get it all clean and smelling intoxicating, then accidentally whack him in the face with it.

HILARIOUS!!!! Good thing I wasn't drinking anything when I read this!!!!!


UPDATE! (sorry, it's an old thread)

... he likes me.:crush:

YAY!!! Way to go!!!! :cheese:

[owlathena]

Hooray! :D

[ericthegreat]

UPDATE! (sorry, it's an old thread)

... he likes me.:crush:

I'm so happy for you! He sounds like a great guy. :disco::disco:

[annieangel149]

awwww! this is the most cutest thread ever! :p

keep us updated of any further developments! :cool:

Im a real romantic at heart! i read all the novels :o ;) :D

[Mesmerise]

Lovely, it's wonderful to find out your crush is actually returned :)

I will also say... as for wearing your hair down... quite honestly if I was going to wear mine up ALL the time I may as well chop it off ;) I have long hair so I CAN wear it down and feel pretty ;)

And yeah, if I had a crush on a guy I was seeing often, you can bet my hair would be down AND straightened (much worse than just having it down:o).

[Lianna]

Very good ideas in here, but if you want the "loose hair" kind of feel while still being a bit contained, you could a side ponytail or a side loose braid. :) Once I saw a thread somewhere in the net about guys preferences on hair down or up, lots said a ponytail is just as good as down. Plus since you're WL, you could bring that pony to the front on one side which looks adorable.

[tigr]

UPDATE! (sorry, it's an old thread)

... he likes me.:crush:
Wonderful!

[Kherome]

Yep I agree with PP. It's almost the Biblical perspective of hair, it's your "glory" and therefore isn't there for just anyone to see, it's special! And it's really not special anymore if it's always down and anyone can look at it whenever. Many men like the idea of the hair being down being something special for just them.

Also, a man will not love you for hair. He may like your hair, but in the end, it has no impact on a relationship. I've seen women with the most awful damaged/fried badly colored hair ever get the guy just as easily as the woman with the beautiful hair.;)


Lots of good thoughts here in this thread. I just want to remind you that you might "overly saturate" the "wow factor" of your gorgeous locks if you wear them down all the time. It might actually be more seductive at this point if you wore it up more and only gave him a glimpse or two of the whole length. What you would be saying if you did this is "if we get more intimate you can see more". After all, your hair is precious to you. If after doing this he comments on wanting to see more of your hair down then you know he has noticed (and perhaps he's interested). Know what I mean?

[naereid]

UPDATE! (sorry, it's an old thread)

... he likes me.:crush:
When I realized this was an old thread, I immediately hoped it was bumped for this very reason. How nice! :inlove:

[Kristin]

I agree with other posters: It's good to wear it up sometimes so that he'll appreciate it more when you wear it down. You may try braiding it, too. You will be amazed at the way men stare when you braid your hair in front of them. They literally behave as if you are performing black magic.

[Lianna]

I'd also like to add that 90% of women leave their hair down where I live, and most have long healthy looking hair, I wouldn't worry that much about the damage...

[McFearless]

Aw I find this so cute.

If I were you I'd wear my hair down twice a week max. It makes it all the more special. Everything gets boring after a while. Experiment with pretty updos. The effect will be just the same.

[McFearless]

When I realized this was an old thread, I immediately hoped it was bumped for this very reason. How nice! :inlove:

Me too! Yay!:cheese::cheese::cheese::cheese::cheese:

[Kitteh]

I agree with other posters: It's good to wear it up sometimes so that he'll appreciate it more when you wear it down. You may try braiding it, too. You will be amazed at the way men stare when you braid your hair in front of them. They literally behave as if you are performing black magic.

I do that all the time. In front of everyone. Even people I don't know.

Thanks for making me feel filthy and easy, LOL :flasher::redgrin:

[sunnyhope]

i wear my hair down all the time, after all whats the point of having my long hair if i cant wear the way i want!!!!!

i do easily toss it up though if its in the way so i want to learn easy updoes, i cant do anything to time consuming as i have a very damaged right arm and it hurts even when i brush it....

[HintOfMint]

Thanks for all your kind words!

Yes, I've been bopping off the walls ever since he told me last week. We've become good friends since I started this thread back in August, so I don't know what's going to happen now. He's never made a move in all this time but he's always been exceptionally sweet to me.

He learned my favorite song on the guitar, he brought me cough drops when I was sick, sends me texts just to see how I am, talks about how sweet I am to my and his friends, and when a girl was rude to me he told her to apologize to me.

He's a great guy and a great friend, but I don't know if anything is going to develop. It's common knowledge that he's not one for relationships and I am, which is why he never propositioned me in all this time. Seriously, he never even tried to drunkenly kiss me and he's not anti-hookup by any stretch of the imagination.

Depending on how much work I get done, I might see him tomorrow, so I'll definitely update y'all on how that goes. I'm not looking to change his mind if he doesn't want to start a relationship and he would never try to have a casual relationship with me. I'm happy with our friendship but if things develop naturally... I'm not opposed:)

As far as my hair goes, I've had it up most of the time around him, but I have done that cheesy "take my hair down in front of him and swing it around" routine every once in a while. :p

[milagro]

I love this thread, so cute :) and you ladies are real astute!
HintOfMint, good luck! :flower:

[HintOfMint]

I posted a slight update to this situation in the Beauty Bottle when LHC was down. http://chatter.thebeautybottle.com/showthread.php?t=3256

And an update to the update: We went on a date and he kissed me...

[browneyedsusan]

WOO-HOO! You got him! ATTA-GIRL!!!!!!!

[catamonica]

I wear a braided bun four days a week. Friday morning I wear it down the whole weekend. I only braid it at night. You have to let your hair breath. I can't take wearing it up more than four days. So enjoy your hair!

[Kyaatje]

I posted a slight update to this situation in the Beauty Bottle when LHC was down. http://chatter.thebeautybottle.com/showthread.php?t=3256

And an update to the update: We went on a date and he kissed me...

I just read the 'story' and I'm now ready to see the film ;-) No really it sounds romantic and great (for an outsider, like always with that kind of stories)
Sorry it is late ... just ignore me :popcorn:

[jacqueline101]

I think you should do what makes you happy and use a cone product to help tangles.

[mleung]

just read your story - so cute! personally, i really like the idea of having hair up & only taking it down every once in a while - it makes it seem extra special. there's a reason why so many people like those "hair fall" videos on youtube. :)