they like it straight

[x0h_bother]

To start this post I need to give some hair history. I used to flat iron my hair every day. Not kidding. For a few years. Many people had never seen me with curly 2a hair. So when my hair became damaged I began to not flat iron as much. I learned to deal and live with my wavies. I tamed the mane for the sake of hair health. And people complimented me! They said, "I like your hair with body." They really did at first. Then I wore my hair wavy for the past year and only flat ironed 2 times a week. Now since January I flat iron a few times a month, some weeks entirely are wavy.

So, now my coworker saw me out at the park with flat ironed hair. She oohed and ahhed, saying how great I looked, and how I never wear my hair 'nice' for work and that I 'just don't care' about looking nice for work. It hurt a little but I figured she'd get over it. Then I came into work again and she commented on how my hair was wavy and how I 'refused' to try. :( I tried to explain to her how damaged my hair had gotten all those years and how I was trying to grow it long, but she just didn't understand :rolleyes:. Now I worry that people were just being nice about my wavy hair and really in the end dislike it.

[Luckysock]

I think people just get excited to see something different, and it is the 'difference' that looks good, cause it seems fresh and new.

Your natural curl is beautiful and I'm sure the flat-ironed look is great too - but don't feel like you need to do one over the other in order to 'look nice'. Your co-worker was being reactionary and to be quite honest a bit rude - ignore her!

[lillylonghair]

Well,first of all you have to understand that in our culture most people view womens 'natural' look at unkempt or not trying. I think you just have to take someone like that at face value and move on. She sounds superficial. I doubt people were falsely complimenting you.

If you already tried explaining to her then I would just move on and wear your natural hair proudly.

[little_cherry]

I'm sorry that you're going through this :grouphug:

You know what? That's their problem. Wear your hair how you like, not how they like. As I've heard so many say here "you're not there to decorate their worlds." They aren't in charge of what you should look like.

I think your hair is awesome. If you like it, then other people don't matter.. :flower:

[spidermom]

I agree that flat-ironed hair often looks awesome. I miss it; it really brings out the length and the shine.

If it matters to you that your coworker thinks you look like you aren't even trying to look nice for work anymore, you might try doing something with your hair for work - a nice french braid or something like that. If you don't care, and I probably wouldn't, just wear your hair how you like it and mentally stick your tongue out at her.

[freckles]

I think people just get excited to see something different, and it is the 'difference' that looks good, cause it seems fresh and new.

I agree with this. My housemate has lovely wavy/wurly APL hair that she mostly combs-not-brushes and defines with gel. She straightens maybe once a month, and even I find myself saying "wow, your hair looks great!" ... her hair ALWAYS looks great, but it's kind of the surprise and the newness that sparks a comment from people, including from me!

And that woman was being way, way, rude. (ETA: I realise I sounded a bit contradictory saying the above and then this. I don't think there's anything wrong with the fact she said your flatironed hair looks nice or even that she prefers it straight, but saying you refuse to try and ESPECIALLY bringing it up again on another occasion is pretty nasty) That's not okay. Is she always like that? I think if she's normally nice I would have said to her with a smile "wow, that's not a nice thing to say to someone! Anyway, I like it that way, thanks." and hope that she would realise how rude she was being. :rolleyes: If she's always like that, I guess I'd suck it up and only associate with her when I absolutely have to, because some people just like to judge.

[pepperminttea]

People can be thoughtless. :grouphug:

How do you like to wear your hair? :) Ultimately it's you who live with it, after all.

[Tennessee Rose]

I used to do the same when it was shorter, I recieved the same comments you recieved but this time those comments came from my mother.

I don't think people was being false, as many said here, when you radically change your look people notices it and gets stunned by what's new and looks good. But doesn't it happen to you that when you get used to something, it becomes a bit boring???

I always hated my curls...I still do sometimes. But, what I'm trying to do is to grow them as well defined and as healthy as I can by mosturizing my hair and not ironing or blow drying it...I miss it, and I iron it once a month or two months, but I'm aware that if I want to achieve something at its best, I have to be disciplined.

I think you should do what spidermom says if you don't want to wear your hair wild, while it is groing, put it in some bun, braid or tail with a bit of grace. If not don't give a damn about what your partner says. When my mother calls me neanderthal because of my wild curls, I use to headbang my hair to really mess it up and I say Yeah! Now I really am one of those.... Just laught at it!

[akiss4lexie]

I love flat ironing my hair when I go out clubbing or something, so I totally see where you're coming from.

But honestly, from your picture, your hair looks fine. It's not unkempt or unruly; it's neat and looks healthy. So I think most of the compliments you got were honest. This woman just strikes me as being a bit rude or nosy.

You could try wearing your hair up for work more, in a bun or something. That might cut down on the complaints from this woman. Or you could just ignore her comments and wear your hair the way you want to. It's really not her business!

[x0h_bother]

Thanks for the hugs and comments. About wearing hair up, I tried that and someone at my workplace 'didn't recognize me' because my hair was up- what the heck? I wish people wouldn't notice and just left me alone, because sometimes I really do need my hair up for work when I do certain jobs. I guess you are right, change it up and keep people guessing because sometimes a look gets boring. I don't blame them but I do think we live in a culture of straighter is better- or at least I grew up with that, I think now curly/big from the 80s is coming back in some form. Personally I prefer the look of straight hands down, but I love my health and now that is most important.

[Henrietta]

The truth is that your hair looks AMAZING in both versions. I adore your waves! And if for it's health it is better to not straighten it- just don't straighten it. Because, I will say it again you straight hair looks as great as curly.
And who said that when one doesn't do anything with their hair they "don't care"?! You don't have to do anything with your hair because it's stunning itself. Which means you don't have to straighten it to look good. Ask your co-worker if she used tons of make-up if she had perfect, flawless complexion. Probably she wouldn't. And would she consider it as not-taking care-about-how-she-looks-like? I don't think so. The same thing is with your hair:)
The big question is do YOU like YOURSELF in curly hair?:)

[Carolyn]

Please don't worry yourself about what your co-workers think. You are not there to decorate their world :p Wear your hair how you need to wear it at work. Don't give a second thought to what they say. Most likely they are just flapping their mouths to hear themselves talk.

[Jenn of Pence]

My hair gets pretty straight, but I can get a huge body wave right in the middle and odd bumps here and there--neither really "straight" or really "wavy." I flatironed with increasing frequency until April in order to make it uniform and "put together." So yeah, I totally understand. Now I'm also going heat free, and I do like that it's soooo much healthier (although once in a while isn't all that bad, I personally think).
My natural look isn't quite as perfect as some people might like, but I think I've found that I'm my own worst critic about it. It's sad that someone else has to be a vocal critic of your own hair. While you know that you're doing what's best and what you want, it is still sad to have to deal with this.

[Pumpkin]

Big hugs to you...your hair looks beautiful with the waves. In my 42 years, I have learned to just 'consider the source', when it comes to negative comments about your looks. Do what makes YOU happy. You are trying to take care of your hair, and we all know how heat can damage it. Hang in there, and just ignore this woman.

[bumblebums]

Your hair looks great in your pic.

All these threads about people getting negative comments about their hair just leave me scratching my head. I just cannot remember ever saying to someone, "you should cut your hair!" or "you look better with straight hair!" or "OMG why did you dye it, it looked so good!"

My rule is, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. I assume that people have heard this before, and so they either don't think about how their words might make one feel or they mean to hurt you on purpose. Either way, their comments are not worth thinking about.

[Shany]

Your wavy hair is very beautiful and doesn't look unkempt at all. I agree with Luckysock's comment. Also, maybe they notice you because people with natural hair (natural colour and type) is very rare...well it's the case where I live. Like my DBF says, natural hair is the most beautiful (with good hair care). Heat syling occasionally is fun too.

[TrudieCat]

I think your hair is beautiful wavy! I understand the lure of the flat iron, but I second what people have said here about doing what's right for you. That is really the most important thing, with regard to your hair and also in general. :)

I think that your co-worker was just plain rude, suggesting that you refused to try. You obviously have worked very hard to improve your hair's condition. Doesn't seem like not trying to me.

Edit: And even if you didn't try to do anything with your hair, it's still not any of your co-worker's business.

[Centaur]

I totally get what you are saying. It took me a long time to get that I have wavy hair, not straight. I stopped fighting it down and smoothing it with all the hair products. I started embracing the waves and learning what my hair wants. As I wore my conditioned, free and loose waves down, unencumbered by loads of hair products and brushes, I thought my family, friends and co-workers would be complimentary. Not so much. They just see my hair as unstyled and unbrushed. :confused: I am starting to like my wild woman hair. lol

[embee]

Everyone has an opinion, that's ok. Your hair is for *you*, so wear it as you feel the need - wavy, straight, up, or down.

Some folks are really challenged when it comes to expressing themselves, and what they say comes out rude. That may or may not be the intent. Try not to get all bent out of shape about it! ;)

[Lamb]

Thanks for the hugs and comments. About wearing hair up, I tried that and someone at my workplace 'didn't recognize me' because my hair was up- what the heck?
Well, now you know how much coworkers really care. If they don't even recognize you when you wear your hair up, what does that say about their observational faculties and attention? :confused: I wouldn't put much stock in their opinion about what suits you and what doesn't. I mean, they don't really notice you, do they?

[Speckla]

Sounds like she has a problem with her own hair and is projecting it on you! Your hair is beautiful and will stay healthier without the heat.

[wtchmel]

Sigh,.... people..... after reading this i had to somehow try to put into words how i felt about this without using 'colorful metaphors' because it irritates me so.
You need to be happy with your hair, and who cares what others think. If you look into the mirror and it looks great to you and you feel you look great, you'll exude that to the world. So many people we come into contact with are shallow and judge. just do what you want, don't worry about the opinions of others. GOod luck.

[masa_inn]

I understand why you are upset.

When I first moved to the US, we went out with my husband's friends, a married couple. A lady made a face and told me "OMG, look at your hair! It's curly, bleh! You need to get a flat iron; you are not in Russia anymore; people don't wear their hair like this in this country."

I was seriously upset and angry. Never used a flat iron, thou :) A couple of years later I found out she was a habitual straightener :pherself; and spent hours in the morning to tame her gorgeous curls.

I don't imply your coworker has curly hair; but people do have a tendency to project their problems on friends, coworkers etc.

[lastnite]

looking at your profile album I like your waves, I think they look better on you than the straight hair. the straight hair looks nice, but the waves are more unique and pretty, even sexy. anyone can have straight hair with a flat iron, but not everyone has such nice, frizz free natural waves and body. Embrace it!

[ghost]

I understand why you are upset.

When I first moved to the US, we went out with my husband's friends, a married couple. A lady made a face and told me "OMG, look at your hair! It's curly, bleh! You need to get a flat iron; you are not in Russia anymore; people don't wear their hair like this in this country."

Are you serious? What a b*tch! What is wrong with people like that?

To the OP: your hair looks very pretty straight, but I'm sure it looks very pretty curly, too. If your coworker thinks there's something wrong with that or that you 'don't try hard enough' to look good at work (and how is that her business to decide?) well...I'm sure you've come up with enough not-work-safe things to say to her on your own, you don't need to hear any of mine :p

When I wear my hair naturally wavy, people tell me I should straighten it. When I used to straighten it every couple months, people would say I should wear it wavy. If I wear it down, they want to see it up. If up, down, etc...
and in all these instances, *I* just say...something I can't put into writing :p

[julliams]

I find this too. I have a photo on facebook where my hair has been flat ironed and I have make up on and a friend commented on how "natural" I look. I also have many people tell me how nice my hair is when it is straight, but don't say anything when it's being it's normal wavy self.

It does give one the impression that straight hair is the nicest option which on me personally, I don't really think is true.

I think this comes down to what you are wanting and what you like. Try not to worry about what other's think. As long as you are happy, you will look your best.

[HikerTrash]

I just looked at your album, x0h_bother. I don't know what this rude lady is thinking. I get what you have naturally only if I put hot rollers in my hair, and only for a few minutes before it goes flat again. And I only do that on days when I go for a job interview. So you have my best work hair without even trying. That rude lady must be jealous.

[WyrdWay]

People are silly and don't understand, and at work they only like my hair straight... but when my hair is down to my but I will be the one laughing :D So I try to keep focused on the end result. And I try not to wear it straight for interviews because I don't want to give bosses any unrealistic exspectations.

[babybabycat]

Good Greif! I do not like the way people associate curly hair with unkept hair!! Sounds like your co-worker thinks she is on the set of The Office with her awkward comments about your hair. I found that co-workers are some of the meanest "friends" that I ever had.

Wear your hair the way you want to wear it and feel good about yourself for protecting your hair. Tell you co-worker that you have done your research...heat syling damages hair and that is that!!

Hugs to you!!

[x0h_bother]

Thank you all, I read all of your comments and appreciate them. :blossom: Thank you so much for the compliments on my hair, it really means a lot. I am especially nervous because I go in to work tomorrow, but you have all made me smile and given me confidence to know I am doing what I (me) want to do.

I totally get what you are saying. It took me a long time to get that I have wavy hair, not straight. I stopped fighting it down and smoothing it with all the hair products. I started embracing the waves and learning what my hair wants. As I wore my conditioned, free and loose waves down, unencumbered by loads of hair products and brushes, I thought my family, friends and co-workers would be complimentary. Not so much. They just see my hair as unstyled and unbrushed. :confused: I am starting to like my wild woman hair. lol
Yes, this is exactly my experience, I really like it and the freedom that comes with being natural, and less worry and less product.

People are silly and don't understand, and at work they only like my hair straight... but when my hair is down to my but I will be the one laughing :D So I try to keep focused on the end result. And I try not to wear it straight for interviews because I don't want to give bosses any unrealistic exspectations.
This is a really good suggestion, thank you. I will try to focus on how I will have really long hair and how pretty it will be and how they will be jealous ;).

[luxepiggy]

I think people just get excited to see something different, and it is the 'difference' that looks good, cause it seems fresh and new.


I totally agree with this - I have stick straight hair (people actually ask me all the time if I get the japanese straight perm) and people are always suggesting to me that I curl or even perm it! People are just looking for novelty (^(oo)^)v

[ericthegreat]

I get told all the time by everyone from random strangers to even people that I considered to be my friends that I should cut off all my hair to "look more like a man". :rolleyes:

Obviously if I listened to any of them, I wouldn't be posting here on this forum. To quote a very good neighbor of mine "Opinions are like ***holes. Everyone's got one."

Whenever you get a rude or hurtful comment from a co-worker or anyone else, simply remember that its only their opinion. You have the right not to care about their opinion.

[abritta3]

Hi. I have 3a curls and while some people have made similar comments that your coworker made to you, I find that I am rather fond of my waves and corkscrews. I joke that I was a mermaid in a past life and I love the individuality of each and every curl...no 2 are the same.
I do like to straighten on occasion for something different and people definitely oooh and ahhhh at it because they're not used to it :D
When I do straighten, however some have even mentioned that I should embrace the curl!
EVeryone has an opinion which is great but you didnt deserve to have your feelings hurt
I am sorry this happened :grouphug:
Cheer up & embrace your unique and beautiful locks ;)

[invisiblebabe]

Your co-worker was acting like, shall we say, a female dog ;)

Your hair is pretty straight, but I think it is even more beautiful wavy/curly!

[christine1989]

When my friends change their looks suddenly I always take notice and find it fun and refreshing. I think people really do like your wavy hair but unfortunately there will always be those people who think that "nice hair" means an hour of heat styling :(. Don't let her narrow definition of beauty get to you- so many people actually pay to get texture and wave :).

[Toadstool]

Sigh. People are just so damn rude. And I have no idea why. But for the record I think wavy/curly hair is beautiful. For some reason people think natural in any form is unkempt. If you straightened it she'd start to tell you to get highlights or a bob or something else. Don't worry about it, perhaps rehearse some snappy comebacks?

[x0h_bother]

Yay no hair talk when I saw her today. Thank you all again. I feel much better doing what I want to do and feeling pretty anyways despite her. :grouphug:

[JulietCapulet]

That's hard and I know because I have a similar situation. I then look at a photo of Rachelle Lefevre and I want the curly hair back!http://www.cbc.ca/gfx/images/arts/photos/2008/10/31/rachelle-lefevre-250.jpghttp://www.cbc.ca/gfx/images/arts/photos/2008/10/31/rachelle-lefevre-250.jpg

[lsnyder09]

that sounds like a superficial response that she gave you. Natural is beautiful not only because you are proud enough to go out that way, but because it shows a confidence in your inner beauty as well as your outer!

[urara12]

I think people just get excited to see something different, and it is the 'difference' that looks good, cause it seems fresh and new.

Your natural curl is beautiful and I'm sure the flat-ironed look is great too - but don't feel like you need to do one over the other in order to 'look nice'. Your co-worker was being reactionary and to be quite honest a bit rude - ignore her!

I 100 % agree. I am Asian and straight hair....which I hate it because it's makes look thin and flat & less volume.

I always admire wavy hair people & can't stop watching someone with wavy. :p

[Catarina]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having your hair healthy and wavy in its natural state. I have straight and wish it was wavy. Don't worry about what she thinks it's really none of her business. Why do people care so much when they should worry about their own hair or other things. I guess this alot, too, from a coworker who has to constantly comment about "what I did to my hair" when she always wears wigs. It doesn't bother me so much since we're good friends, but it can be annoying. I bet your hair from what I see in your avatar just glows, so I wouldn't worry about one person's opinion or projecting.

[Flossy]

I scrunched my hair before work one day, and my manager said, "Oh, you've gone for the messy look today." She was not a nice person.

Just mentally stick your fingers in your ears and think, "La la la!", like your sig says!

[mariika]

x0h_bother, how do you know that woman from work isn't a bitch just trying to convince you that you look better with flat ironed tamed locks when in fact you look far more sexy and wild with natural curl (which is often the case). and as for 'not trying' - do you come to work with messy hair? look in the mirror, I guess you can judge that yourself. and I'm sure you need a second (and third and forth and 10th) opinion on this 'not trying' impression you might be making, that coworker of yours doesn't sound credible to make that judgement.

[BattahZ]

Honestly, looking at your pics, your curls are way prettier than straightened hair! You really have beautiful waves/curls, and I don't understand what your coworker was talking about. There's nothing messy or unkempt about your hair when it's curly.

Maybe she's just a curl-hater? Some people are, and just can't wrap their minds around the idea of natural curls and waves.