Stuck in a rut!

[kristymarie87]

I am so frustrated with my hair! I'm tempted to chop it all off (which i usually would have done already by this stage). But i wont because i've gotten to far!

I'm thinking of just wearing it up for a really long time to forget about it. But even when i go to put it up, i obsess over the length and its really getting on my nerves!!

Its been in the flippy stage for months. It wont be long until its past it, about an inch my hairdresser says. But the layers will still have to go through it :(

I straighten it at the weekend but after 10 minutes its looking flippy. Not straightening isnt an option atm.

So i thought about just wearing it up for a few months. But my hair seems to shred when i wear it up. I cant really do anything apart from tie it with an elastic band or use a claw clip (but my hair falls out of the clip so im constantly fiddling). I can do a pathetic atempt of a bun and hate any kind of braid unles its one of those lace ones on my bangs/fringe.

Will i be doing too much damage wearing it up? I have to put it up for work anyway. But i do the same everyday as its SL with layers!!

[Carolyn]

You're at a really sucky length right now. The only thing to do is wait it out. Another inch or two will make a huge difference in what you can do with it. Don't worry about wearing it in the same style for work everyday. It's work. So it really doesn't matter. Maybe look for some claw clips that are hair safe and the right size to hold the amount of hair you have now. I think those messy updo's (Peacock Twists) are so cute. I also think the little short ponytails in hair your length are very cute and perky. Be patient and try to make the most of what you have now. Remember your hair grows every day. Is there a way you could wean yourself off the weekend heat styling?

[julliams]

If you cut it so that the very underneath layers are slightly shorter than the next layer up, would it then curl under? I've always wondered about this. I'm guessing that this might depend alot on your hair type and texture too.

[Azhtabak]

As someone about the same length, I sympathise with your pain :P I would advise against the heat styling if you can help it though - I used to straighten mine all the time before discovering here, and it seems to have just made things worse :(

[MonikaHa]

Hang in there! Put it up and forget about it :grouphug:

[SpinDance]

I agree, that is a tough length. I'll also second the wear it up and forget it. Various fun clips, scarves and whatnot can give you some variety. Flexi's are great for lots of updo's, I don't get damage from them, either. Also, since your hair isn't so long it will knot itself up when braiding, this is a great length to learn lots of different braids, if you don't do them already. Braiding longer hair takes practice since you have to deal not only with the actual braid part, but also the ends of each section on each turn. Keeping in practice with that as your hair grows is helpful, at least in my experience.

Hang in there! :)

[kristymarie87]

Is there a way you could wean yourself off the weekend heat styling?

I can only give it up if i wear my hair up, and even then i would still have to air dry as it takes hours to dry (i couldnt sleep and let it dry as in the morning its unmanagable and greasy) which im fine with. I can not iron it if i want it down as nothing will get rid of the kinks and frizz. I cant seem to work with the weird waves my hair has, scrunching, wrapping and bun waves wont work :( so it looks a mess and i feel a mess!!

I dont mind wearing it up but i dont like to braid (i dont like the look, plus my hair is too layered). The short pony is cute but when you have it everyday it gets boring and i cant do buns yet as its too short!

Alot of the SL updos are nice but my layers make it so difficult!!

[Capybara]

I second that ponytails look really cute at your length! And, if you added a lace braid as an accent, it could be a cute updo for the weekend?

I found a few pictures of up-do's with shoulder length hair that look really chic.
This is from a bridal website: http://www.projectwedding.com/post/list/help-need-shoulder-length-updo-pics-for-bridesmaids

And this, I really like the picture of the girl at the side with a (backwards?) dutch braid: http://www.buzzle.com/articles/short-hair-updos.html

I think that the flippy look can be really cute as well. Why not try pinning back just the top/sides (half up-do) with a pretty clip, and let the ends fall as they may :)

ETA: I just saw your last post, maybe you could do a bun just with the longer hair and leave the layers out, then pin them back? Side ponytails/braids, are really cute too, and don't have the same look as a braid down the back :) They're more youthful!

[kristymarie87]

I second that ponytails look really cute at your length! And, if you added a lace braid as an accent, it could be a cute updo for the weekend?

I found a few pictures of up-do's with shoulder length hair that look really chic.
This is from a bridal website: http://www.projectwedding.com/post/list/help-need-shoulder-length-updo-pics-for-bridesmaids

And this, I really like the picture of the girl at the side with a (backwards?) dutch braid: http://www.buzzle.com/articles/short-hair-updos.html

I think that the flippy look can be really cute as well. Why not try pinning back just the top/sides (half up-do) with a pretty clip, and let the ends fall as they may :)

ETA: I just saw your last post, maybe you could do a bun just with the longer hair and leave the layers out, then pin them back? Side ponytails/braids, are really cute too, and don't have the same look as a braid down the back :) They're more youthful!

I love mischa bartons :D Unfortunately when i put my hair on the side it just looks like a thin straight pony!

Atm i am wearing a lace braid with a pony and its nice (sort of my go-to style) but i've been doing it alot!!

I want a curling wand....but i guess thats bad hey :(

[chrissy-b]

Will i be doing too much damage wearing it up?

You'll actually be protecting your hair if you wear it up all the time, as long as you're not wearing the pony in the exact same spot every single day. But right now, that should be the least of your worries. You're doing more damage by straightening.

I remember this stage and yes, it sucks. The only thing I could do with my hair at that point with all the layers was to put it in two small pony tails and two small buns held with claw clips. I did those styles for months and just accepted that my hair was going to be annoying for a few months.

It'll get better. I promise!

[Phexlyn]

That is a really difficult length you're at, especially with layers.
I agree that putting it up and just forgetting about it is probably the best solution. Just a little bit of growth can make such a difference at your length.

I don't think it's too damaging if you wear a ponytail using ouchless elastics and if you try to move the position of the ponytail base a little bit around. Maybe try to put your hair up in sections as it's easier with the layers? There are smaller/tiny clawclips as well, and they work great for keeping small sections or your bangs up.

Using decorative elements is a good way to spice up your daily look as well, you could use flower clips or ribbons. Oh, and if you're okay with wearing them, what about a headband to keep the layers out of the way?

[Melisande]

If you cut it, you'll be in the same situation in the future - IF you really want to have long hair. If you don't, you'll soon leave this stage behind you and can have all the fun that long hair gives.

I would sacrifice the weekend styling and learn to live with my hair texture, though. Growing long hair is a marathon, not a sprint, i.e., you have to take long term consequences into account. Heat styling is cumulative damage that could torpedo your long hair dreams again and again.

Invest in some hairtoys that you really like, and wear it up. Messy buns are possible, so are French and Dutch braids, half ups and double buns. Oh, and French twists, and Gibson tucks. Even when they are messy, they are very flattering.

Try and start to like your hair the way it is. Your scalp will never grow anything else. The mere fact that today flatironed hair is in fashion doesn't mean that your natural "messy" hair is ugly.

It's easy for me to talk, you may think - my hair is totally straight. But ha ha, I was young in the 80s, Big Hair Time, and I suffered much from my never ending battles to make my hair fluffier, curlier, unrulier, wilder. No chance. I damaged my hair with my efforts, and it looked pathetic.

so try to accept the hair that nature gives you, pamper it to excellent health, and simply let it grow. You will see that over time, you will learn to love your hair.

You are younger than me so you can't live according to my middle aged philosophies ;-). Try to find a middle ground between the peer group pressure of having "acceptable" hair and having healthy hair at the same time, if you want to grow it long.

[paigeturner]

Pretty much all I wear is victory rolls at the side and then a plaited bun. All the time. And various flowers in my hair.
Acutally, maybe try looking in 1940s/50s hairstyles. From what I recall, the length of hair in those eras was around shoulder length.

But hold on in there! Just try the hairstyles and grit your teeth and get through the next few months. I'm basically ignoring my hair until Christmas (aside from S&D missions).

[Evie]

I second what peeps have said about learning to like the hair you have. I spent a long time straightening my hair, and then suddenly on a whim decided to try and like it all wurley....and once I'd got used to it, I loved it. I guess it is like a hair cut, you have to go through the shock of seeing yourself as different from what you are used to, before you can decide if you like it or not.

A couple of styles that might help (I think we are at a similar length) - the sock bun. This is my fav go to style, I wear it with a scrunchie round it, or wrap a pretty scarf round it, or anything like that. I work in a lab, so my hair has to be neat, practical, out of the way and hold up under a forensic suit, and so far the sock bun does this! (ETA I can also oil the length when I do this style, especially if I wrap a scarf round it to keep in all the odd length layered ends)

I am also experimenting with a wrapped chinese bun. Basically, I put my hair in a ponytail, and then tie a scarf over the hair band in a double knot so that I have either side of the scarf hanging down each side of the ponytail. Then, I split the ponytail in half, and wrap each half in the respective side of the scarf (gosh I'm so dozy at explaining things). Then I treat the two wrapped bits of hair as I would for a normal chinese bun, and wrap them round my hair stick in the same way as someone would wrap their hair....gosh I hope that makes sense.....:confused::confused:

and I hope some of it helped...:)

[Evie]

By the way, I also think sometimes that I get more wound up with my hair because I see such lovely examples of length etc on here. I am the kind of person who tends to get fed up with what I have at the best of times (;)) and so I get serious hair envy / disgust with my own, and that can mean I lose sight of the progress I am making. Hang in there!

[Theobroma]

The short pony is cute but when you have it everyday it gets boring and i cant do buns yet as its too short!

Can you do a peacock twist? Those tend to look cute even there's some hair escaping at the bottom, and they'd let you use various hairtoys that won't damage your hair, like small Ficcares and Flexi-8's.

Good luck, and hang in there. I know it's a sucky stage, but sit tight, things can only get better from here on out!

[kristymarie87]

Argh theres so much to quote!!

I know heat styling is bad, and to be honest my hair grew fine with the heal to past BSL and was never that damaged....that said, i have cut down to once per week. I just cant leave it. If i do i've got terrible frizzy flicks from the layers, the ends curl out one side and in the other, the bit near my right ear curves in, whilst the other curves out. I basically dont have real waves and i look like i've been pulled through a hedge backwards. I'm not very confident in myself as it is so i would go out without styling it. I dont do it because i prefer stck straight hair. I actually envy all my wavy/curly haired friends and those with some movement, but it doesnt look nice without it!

The only way i can give up is to wear it up, hence this topic :D

I would like to try a sock bun, but i kinda need a smallish sock (i was looking at those donut things but they are big!) which i am in the process of doing.

Not too keen on the peacock thing but i think i would prefer it reversed, like with a backwards? topsy tail thingy if you get me?

I cant seem to find any hair toys i like, i bought a clip, but it wouldnt do up in my hair :( I can only really go to claires accesories :(

Being that im at the shorter side of SL, there are limits to what i can do <<<<see my icon thingy (bit longer [tiny bit] but more layers)

[tinti]

You could take a small scrunchie and make a sockscrunchiebun? I thought about that the other day but didn't try it.

Another thing you could do is a topsy tail. I've just recently begun to half up topsy tail, it gives me some volume at the crown when I tigthen it, and all my stupid layers are not bugging anyone. What you also could do is make a french ponytail

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkPvgeVMGTE&playnext=1&videos=_8-qbggVS30
Torrin has really long hair, but I did it a few days ago, and it was fun and easy.
What I also did when I had your lenght I ponied my hair and then took 6-8 teenyweeny claw clips, and clipped my hair randomly over the tie.

I have a claw clip that is great, it's formed like the back of the head so it stays all day. I'm one of those gals that tries out the bigger clips in the shop because my head is very piccy on bigger claw clips :)

[exile2600]

At that length, with layers, I mostly put my hair in a sectioned pony tail with metal free elastics or a nice barette at the first top ponytail section and an elastic at the bottom. It's really the most frustrating stage. Hold your ground, grow it out and it will be worth it. Mine was really flippy at that stage too, that's why I usually put it back. It doesn't flip anymore at BSL! Oh, instead of a barette with the metal part that can cause damage, you might like the stick barettes. (the kind that are a solid curved part with a hole on each side, a stick goes through the holes and holds the hair). I still use an elastic with mine but the barette hides it and I sort of put the stick between the elastic so it doesn't slip. That's what I have on in my picture. It's a silver celtic knot.

[Mexibeach]

If you're going to length, I'd try to stick it up and forget about it as much as possible. I am a bit jealous as your hair is a bit longer than mine, so all I can do at this point is tie the front back in a wee pony tail... so if you can put it up and forget about it for a month of 2, you'll likely be past that stage and onto better lengths!!! Me, I have 4-5 more months of this... Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Evie]

snip "I just cant leave it. If i do i've got terrible frizzy flicks from the layers, the ends curl out one side and in the other, the bit near my right ear curves in, whilst the other curves out. I basically dont have real waves and i look like i've been pulled through a hedge backwards".

Honestly, honestly this is me too. Part of learning to deal with the wonky waves for me was learning a) what products would help, and b) tricks to drying it so it went properly wavy :D

I found that drying it secured in a series of little rolled up buns secured with baby claw clips helps? Makes the curls a better shape. If I just leave it loose to dry I look like the wild woman of borneo.....;)

[bumblebums]

If your hair isn't long enough for one bun, peacock twists, ponytail, etc., it might be long enough for twins. When my hair was layered and between chin and collarbone, I would wear it in two ponytails for yoga, and in two peacock twists for going out sometimes.

Also, you can work with your natural texture if you let your hair air dry and use some kind of a volumizing product in it. Just be careful that the ingredients are hair-friendly. I was quite happy with Aveda's hair styling products when my hair was your length.

[Kristin]

Part of learning to deal with the wonky waves for me was learning a) what products would help, and b) tricks to drying it so it went properly wavy :D


That's what I was going to say. Maybe you should try some heatless curling methods. Pin curls? Rag curls? You can make the waves look intentional in a variety of ways.

You can also look on Etsy for cute hair toys. There is TONS of stuff on there. Or you can make your own hair toys if you can't find any that you like or fit your needs.

[Kathie]

Hang in there! After a couple of months the worst will be over and it will be done and done and then you won’t need to think about it again.

Like others have said, curls could look really great and may give you the variety that you're after? There’s a few different heatless ways to make curls... rag curls, pin curls, etc.

[kristymarie87]

That's what I was going to say. Maybe you should try some heatless curling methods. Pin curls? Rag curls? You can make the waves look intentional in a variety of ways.

You can also look on Etsy for cute hair toys. There is TONS of stuff on there. Or you can make your own hair toys if you can't find any that you like or fit your needs.

I do love curls - but my hair wont curl!! I scrunched it (someone mentioned using aloe vera to scrunch and kept doing it whilst its drying - it just went frizzy even though i had oil in it! I did lots of little buns - the result was nice for about 5 minutes until the frizz took over! Even curling irons cant curl my hair!!

I'm trying diff ways to try an manage it but it always ends up looking the same :(

I'm rocking a peacock type thing atm, i dont think its how you actually do it - i many a pony and then only pulled it half through the elastic, then puled bits to make the tail....i have a metally elastic in today :( Lost all my nice ones! I tried a sock bun with a scrunchy but my layers make the hair seem thinner and you could really see the scrunchy underneath. I have found a donut with hair on it so maybe that will disquise it?

I cant do pigtails, im very young looking for my age and it would make me look like a school kid!! Seriously i know when im 40 i'll look 30 but atm its really annoying being id'e for thinds and im nearly 23! AND the legal age for stuff is 18 here :(

I do really wanna do a sock bun....im not sure if it will work!

[bumblebums]

I do love curls - but my hair wont curl!! I scrunched it (someone mentioned using aloe vera to scrunch and kept doing it whilst its drying - it just went frizzy even though i had oil in it! I did lots of little buns - the result was nice for about 5 minutes until the frizz took over! Even curling irons cant curl my hair!!


Scrunching doesn't do anything for me. Neither do curling irons. Rag curls, on the other hand, hold forever, when I can be bothered to do them. Look them up.

[Evie]

hmmmm. Because my hair is heavy, I also can have issues with curls holding - I spray a bit of hairspray on them to help, maybe not great for my hair, but better (I guess :confused:) than using a flat iron. I do know what you are going through, and the thing is, it may only be a month or so where you have to deal with this and then it will suddenly seem easy and you'll find updos you can do, and from then on it is somehow simpler to just stick it up and not worry - promise :)

[TrudieCat]

When my hair was at your length I could not get a full wave, either. I had crazy bumps and flips. One side of my hair was really bumpy, and the other just flipped at the end so it didn't look like my hair was the same length. It wouldn't stay straight and it didn't hold a curl. It was so frustrating!! :steam Now that it's longer it's actually wavy, instead of flippy. You might find this happens for you, too.

I'm really sorry that you are struggling with this. Even if you just end up doing a pony tail every day, it might help to focus on changing up other parts of your look from day to day - cute accessories like earrings, scarves, barrettes, etc. - to keep things feeling fresh and to keep you from feeling too down. Good luck! This stage will be over soon, really. :)

[jera]

Hang in there! Put it up and forget about it :grouphug:

I agree. I hope you can find a way to put it up or at least out of your way without cutting it. ( Your hair is so pretty. :)) I had to wear mine up for three months once when it had hit a really awkward stage and it made such a difference. And, I didn't have to cut or trim at all !! When I finally took it down, it had reached a milestone. (at that time ) :D I was so happy. Maybe you will be too if you can tough it out now. ;)

[BrightEyes]

I'm going through the same thing. My hair is just at my shoulders and it is driving me crazy. I have found that putting a light gel (I use Jessicurl Gelebration Spray...love the stuff) in my hair, scrunching with a cotton shirt a tiny bit, then leaving it alone until it is dry helps a lot. This doesn't give me amazing curls, but it enhances the little wave that I have. I think that once my hair gets a bit longer, the waves will really start to develop. Maybe you'll find that as your hair grows the waves will show better.

One thing that has been helping A LOT, is that I just started using these really cute short hair sticks (called Mei Fa Shorties). I can do a half up bun-twisty thing. I've also gotten a hair fork that I just love (I have it in my hair now:D). I can only use half of my hair because it is too short to put it all up with the sticks/forks, but I'm actually liking my hair better now. I've had to spend some money lately, but I'm not tempted to chop, so this is a good thing for me!

Good luck, and hang in there. Just think..... your hair never has to be this short again!

[spidermom]

A woman at the bank with your length wears hers in twin ponytails at the back (not sides) every single day with lots of bobby pins holding back side hair. I think she must be growing it out. It looks fine that way.

[Linnykinz]

I know exactly what you are talking about, I just got over that stage..it is HELL! I've managed to wear it up completely (probably because it looks awful with the haircut I gave myself, ahaha) and found messy-looking casual updos that make it seem like I have much more hair than I really do. In face one day last week, my cousin saw it down for the first time in a long time and yelled at me for cutting my hair. After I swore I didn't, I put it back up and she says "Ohhh, you just make it look like you have SUCH longer hair!!" She felt pretty bad after!

I think the issue you may have with shedding is that in an updo, the hairs don't fall out like they normally would, so once you take it out all of the hair comes out and it looks like you're going bald.

I really love to do a half-ponytail, or use a simple claw clip to keep my hair up. It's fast and easy, so I can just do it and forget about it. Sometimes I like to do a french braid, but I have terribly cut layers, some at my nose level, so it's pretty damn hard right now.

I actually participated in the "Wear your hair up for.." challenge, didn't record my days but I know I passed my goal and am still going. Eventually, you will forget about it. Keep yourself busy! You hair will be past this in no time :)

[bumblebums]

Having gone through that length at least three times, I have come to think of updos as a way to prevent me from getting pissed off with my hair and lopping it off. They are not protective at that stage, unless you count protecting yourself from scissors. So you have to figure something out, because it's not going to look good until it has some length and weight to it.

Make a trip to a hair accessory store and just get, like, $30 worth of stuff (not sure how far &#163;20 goes, but you can get quite a few accessories for $30 in the US). Then join the "wear all of your hairtoys once" challenge. Keep at it for a month or two, and before you know it, you have (a) longer hair and (b) a serious habit for wearing your hair up.

[Deborah]

A French twist does not require that your hair be very long. You could probably make a nice one. They are chic and quite pretty.

Good luck with whatever you try. :)

[ghost]

Agreeing with the French twist suggestion! I find that shoulder length is one of the easiest lengths to make them, and they can look as elegant or as casual as you want.

[going gray]

By the way, I also think sometimes that I get more wound up with my hair because I see such lovely examples of length etc on here. I am the kind of person who tends to get fed up with what I have at the best of times (;)) and so I get serious hair envy / disgust with my own, and that can mean I lose sight of the progress I am making. Hang in there!


So well said, this is exactly how I feel............

[kristymarie87]

Some really good suggestions!! I must admit I feel slightly better this morning after I got toothpaste in my hair whilst brushing my teeth! It never happened before! And I'm going hair toy shopping saturday :D