No family hair acceptance!

[mali]

Hello,guys! I just wanted to say that my sister has a really big problem with my hair.Because I treated my hair as beeing straight for the past 2 years,and barely NOW I discovered that my hair is actually wavy,when I tell her that I actually have wavy hair she's like :''Nooo,your hair's straight,stop pretending your hair is wavy,stop pretending you have something you don't.'' And that really anoys me.Even if I have proof like pictures she still thinks I have straight hair.For example,I tried telling her that she has hazel eyes and I do too, because they're brown with a lot of green in them,and she says the same thing: ''Noo,they're brown,stop pretending like you have something you don't,stop trying to make yourself special''
Or I describe my hair as beeing dark blonde but she says:''NOOO,it's light brown''Even if it is crystal clear that it is dark blonde and all of the people I met said so.And sooooo on.It gets really anoying to tell her this all the time!!!:steam:
How should I deal with this?! What should I say? Did this happen to you?Share your hair unnaceptance problems here!

[*Aoife*]

My family are the same way. I curled my hair on Monday and my dad told me I look better with straight hair... Wtf? :confused: I don't have straight hair! I'm a whurly girl!!!

My mam told me before that I had straight hair and it only curled when I did things to it. She believes me now because she's seen me walk out of the bathroom in my towels less than a minute after I step out of the shower and I have wavey, fingercombed hair.

Oops, bit of a ramble :o Sorry. So yeah, I just don't argue with them anymore. I let my hair prove the point for me. It's the same way that I don't talk about my hair care routine until someone asks me because it's a little outside of the norm (I CO and oil/leave in condish). I don't say that I'm growing my hair out to X length, I just say I'm growing my hair. A few bad reactions have taught me to keep my mouth shut (mostly).

Some people are just stubborn, like your sister seems to be. They don't like to be wrong. They iusually end up looking like idiots (thank Karma!) becuase they refuse to back down on a point and they're clearly wrong.

[invisiblebabe]

People's perceptions of color do differ somewhat... BUT your sister is still being invalidating and rude. From what you say in the OP, it sounds like there is something more than hair issues going on with your sister... it sounds like she is experiencing some sibling rivalry or jealousy, and that she does not want you to have anything "special" or what she perceives as non-ordinary. She also seems to have difficulty accepting that other people can see things differently than she does.

FWIW, I saw a picture of your hair in your album, and I would call it a dark ash blonde, similar to mine pre-highlights. Or I'd call it cendre.

Oh, and hair texture can change throughout your life, due to hormones and genetic factors!! When I was 15, my hair suddenly became wavy, about a 2a. Before then it was 1b. Since your sister doesn't believe your hair is wavy now, maybe it did something similar?

[ghost]

I'm sorry your sister is so harsh with you. That kind of negativity from a close family member can really ruin a good thing. Try not to let her get to you, enjoy your wavy, dark blonde hair and your hazel eyes. They are YOURS after all.

I've noticed that some of my female relatives get like this, if they hear me really obviously enjoying something about my appearance (even though my self-esteem mostly resembles a pile of...something very unpleasant). I don't think they so much think I have a huge ego as that it is really difficult for some people (including myself) to verbalize things they actually like about themselves -so many people are taught that it's rude or egotistical. I try to be patient with them, and give them compliments and tell them that I think they are beautiful, too.
If your sister is hurting you with the things she says, though, let her know. It doesn't have to be very confrontational, but you can tell her that you feel confused and hurt by her reactions to you, and ask her what the deal is. In my personal experience, it's stopped people cold once they realize they hurt my feelings -they just don't think that it could.

[VitaR86]

It was hard for my mom to accept that my hair was wavy. Because I was always told that "walking around with wet hair will make you sick" So I always had to blow dry my hair.

So yeah.... wet wavy/curly hair + hairdryer + brush = stick straight hair. (Frizzy too)

I had no idea I had been straightening my hair all that time. Not until I started being friends with other girls with curls and waves.

[Jessica Trapp]

Ignore them. It's your hair.

JMO.
:flower: jes

[AZDesertRose]

What Jessica_Trapp said. It's your hair. Enjoy it and try to let your sister's negativity roll off your back.

[Flossy]

She sounds a bit jealous IMO.

Keep growing, and nodding and smiling when anyone says anything negative, and immediately forget it. That works in sooo many situations (great for know-it-alls when you have children as well ;) ).

[luxepiggy]

I would recommend just not discussing these topics with her in the future. I doubt she'll bring them up; if she does, you can gently change the subject or redirect the conversation to something less controversial.

[adiapalic]

Oh dear. Sisterly rivalry... I know this treatment all too well. :rolleyes:

Try to ignore her and avoid justifying things. Her preoccupation with your looks is unhealthy for her. I'd tell her so. :laugh:

[mali]

People's perceptions of color do differ somewhat... BUT your sister is still being invalidating and rude. From what you say in the OP, it sounds like there is something more than hair issues going on with your sister... it sounds like she is experiencing some sibling rivalry or jealousy, and that she does not want you to have anything "special" or what she perceives as non-ordinary. She also seems to have difficulty accepting that other people can see things differently than she does.

FWIW, I saw a picture of your hair in your album, and I would call it a dark ash blonde, similar to mine pre-highlights. Or I'd call it cendre.

Oh, and hair texture can change throughout your life, due to hormones and genetic factors!! When I was 15, my hair suddenly became wavy, about a 2a. Before then it was 1b. Since your sister doesn't believe your hair is wavy now, maybe it did something similar?

Perhaps that happened.Thank you for looking at my hair color,I never knew precisely what color it was.But my hair is a little bit a lot(don't know how to say it in a different manner,haha) lighter,but it shows up darker due to bad lightning from the in-built camera.:flower:

[mali]

Thanks to all of you who responded! I'll apply your suggestions!:flower:

[*Aoife*]

It was hard for my mom to accept that my hair was wavy. Because I was always told that "walking around with wet hair will make you sick" So I always had to blow dry my hair.

So yeah.... wet wavy/curly hair + hairdryer + brush = stick straight hair. (Frizzy too)

I had no idea I had been straightening my hair all that time. Not until I started being friends with other girls with curls and waves.

Same here! Only my mam used to brush and blowdry mine. I stopped blowdrying when I was 12 and suddenly these waves popped up out of nowhere :D It was pretty cool!

[spidermom]

If you can manage to stay neutral, I think she will stop. The evil me used to say nasty things to my sisters just to get a reaction. If I hadn't consistently gotten a reaction, I would probably have found something else to do with my time.

[VanillaTresses]

I have learned that some people are always negative, and there might not be anything that I can do about that. It kind of sounds like you are saying "the glass half full" and she is arguing, "no, it's half empty." If that is the way that she sees things, there isn't much that you can do to change it. Just accept that some people will always tend toward the negative, acknowledge it, and move on with your more positive, happier life! :)

[akrasia]

My mom and older sister were annoying and undermining that way too. It's not easy to live with, but really, who the hell cares what your sister thinks? Don't talk to her about your hair or eye color. She'll find other things to contradict you about--I guarantee-- but you can just give her a patronizing nod and smile and say, "It's okay, that's how you see it," and go on your merry way.

[orbiting]

I never realized green eyes were special?

Ignore her, she'll get over herself or find someone else to pick on.

[maxzeen]

I have learned that some people are always negative, and there might not be anything that I can do about that. It kind of sounds like you are saying "the glass half full" and she is arguing, "no, it's half empty." If that is the way that she sees things, there isn't much that you can do to change it. Just accept that some people will always tend toward the negative, acknowledge it, and move on with your more positive, happier life! :)

I agree with VanillaTresses.

[beadmask]

I think sometimes people project their problems or peeves onto others without even realizing it...

When I was growing up, my mother had the most beautiful long, thick hair. After many years of that, she cut it short saying that it was too much hassle to take care of it.In the past several years, she has become really vocal about my long hair, saying that it's too much hassle (sound familiar?) and also that it 'drags my face down'. It used to hurt my feelings, until I noticed that she also had strong feelings about my daughter's long thick hair and my young cousin's wild red curls, citing the same "too much maintenance" reason.

So now I think maybe that my mom's feelings about taking care of her own long hair have colored the way that she feels about *anyone* with long hair. I doubt she even knows that she is doing this. Maybe your sister's behavior stems from something similar? In any case, I encourage you to ignore it, and wear/describe your hair in the way that pleases you :)

[Coffeebug]

Yeah I'd shrug it off - the less you react, the less fun she'll get out of constantly contradicting you.

[Linnykinz]

One word: Jealous ;)

People do the same to me, I say something about my curly hair and they say "No, your hair is straight/wavy/not curly/whatever" because I mostly wear it back, which straightens it out a bit, but not even by much. I show them pictures and they say, no that's not curly, they think only the super tight ringlets in 3c are curls. Sheesh

[MissManda]

Oh yes, this happened to me a lot, too. Just remain neutral and ignore your sister's comments and change the subject if you need to. My sister and I did similar things to each other when we were very young, but we both grew out of it.

I would tell my grandmother my eyes were hazel and my left eye was lighter than my right eye, and she would say, "No, they are brown and they're the exact same shade," even when I would show her photos and put a flashlight in front of my face. She would also tell me how "thin" my hair was because it is straight and "fine," which I have found to be completely untrue. Apparently my grandmother didn't grow out of it, but I am gald that my sister and me did.

I'd also say your hair looks dark blonde. :)

[Keildra]

I've had that kind of argument but it's typically with a stylist or some other type of professional. I had an optomatrist try to tell me one time that my blue eyes were green. He wrote them down as green but I still say they're blue. Also I've had a friend try to say that my orange hair is blonde, I don't know where she got that from but I just try to let those things slide. You have physical proof, no point in arguing.

[Anje]

Sorry that she's being so negative. The path of least resistance here is probably to just not talk to her about things like appearance. She clearly doesn't want you to be different (or say that you're different) than how she thinks of you, for some reason.

Of course, I'm not one to take the path of least resistance all the time. I'd embrace the waves in your position, and drop some comment about loving how bouncy your "straight" hair is today.

[Othala]

Tell her she's talking to the hand.

[FrannyG]

This is so common that it isn't even funny. Family loves to keep preconceived notions of who and what you are and aren't.

I would suggest you handle it by

1. Not talking about your hair with your sister or any family, for that matter and

2. If your sister does give any more hair opinions, keep your cool , don't respond, and let it go in one ear and out the other.

[Carolyn]

Who is the one bringing up the topic of hair and eye color? If it's you, then stop starting any conversations about these hot topics. You know what she's going to do. If she brings it up, just shrug and give non answers such as "mmm", "hummm", "oh ok" and the like. Don't say anything she can argue with, even if you know you are right. Let it go and change the subject. If you want to talk about your hair come to LHC and you'll have an audience. Blog about your hair or start a thread if you have a question.

[Synthemesc]

I'd just let it slide. I know how you feel when your family have nothing but negative things to say about your hair or appearance in general. It's your hair and you like it, you'll soon learn to stop caring about all that silliness :)