Hair Denial - I Want to Enjoy My Length!

[pinkbunny]

It has taken me sooooo many years to learn about hair care, drop my vices, and just wait for the length. I've spent so much time wishing for more length, envying others who have longer hair, and just telling myself "it's not long enough" that I feel like I've brainwashed myself!

Now that I know I have long hair (and anytime I wear it down or even braided or ponytailed there's no shortage of people who also point it out) it's like I still don't KNOW it... I want to feel as fabulous as I imagined I would in the beginning, but I don't know how to reverse all those years of self-programming? I don't want to be conceited, but I feel like I should be more appreciative of my hard work and improve my self-esteem.

Am I being silly or has anyone else experienced this? Please don't think I'm fishing for compliments, I feel stupid enough already... Help!







*On a semi-side note, I once decided that when I got to knee I might maintain in an attempt to thicken my hemline, and that goal is fast-approaching. Anyone think this would help/hurt my mental block?

[Centaur]

I think you are just so used to seeing your hair everyday, it is not making the same impact on you that it does others.

Also, you may be a bit of a perfectionist with your hair? Thinking there is always room for improvement, always working on the next goal?

I know with my own hair, I am still struggling to make it something it is not ever going to be. It is never going to be thick. But, I can improve the appearance of it. That is the way I am trying to train my brain.

You seem to be enjoying your hair - looking at you playing with it in your signature photo.:) I think that is what it is all about. Just enjoying the being of it.

[Theobroma]

Hee! I'm afraid I'm no help, because at somewhere between BSL and waist I have some objective justification for thinking my hair is "not long enough"! But I can relate. My mental image of myself involves hair somewhere between tailbone and classic, and what I see in the mirror just doesn't square with what I think I ought to be seeing there.

Perhaps you could try reverse brainwashing? Make a point of telling yourself very firmly, and as often as possible, that knee-length or near-knee-length IS OBJECTIVELY LONG by any standards. It might take a while to undo the "not long enough" brainwashing, but you'll get there eventually!

[spidermom]

I'm not sure I understand your problem.

One problem I've run into is that when I had short hair, I imagined myself with long, flowing hair all the time. What I've got is a bun or a braid most of the time, which isn't at all how I imagined long hair. But it's just not practical to have it down most of the time, which is a little disappointing.

I don't think anything is quite as good as we fantasize it will be before we actually get there.

[LouLaLa]

I had waist length hair and didnt think it was long, I began to take it for granted as it was there every day.

When I cut it, well I say I, the stupid hairdresser got scissor happy, I regretted loosing it so much. Id say tie it up for a while, eg a month and dont look at it down, then let it down at the end of the month and youll feel "wowed" again.

[Henrietta]

I am afraid of something like this too. Maybe having long hair won't be so stunning? But I think that when I will do the same thing that you do on your siggy photo I will feel better. Long hair art and joy:)
Maybe you should "forget" about the fact that you have long hair, wear it up and don't look at it when it's down for, I don't know, maybe a month, and then, one day you will look at your hair and you will notice that it is long ang gorgeous.
Thickening hemline might help too, it takes time, but it's worth it I think. You will feel like "I have stable length with nice looking ends":)

[Night_Kitten]

I can't point to a solution, because I'm in the same situation as you - my hair doesn't feel long to me... When I started growing, my role-model was a fellow student that had beautiful black hair half-way between waist and hip length, and I oh-so wanted to have hair just like hers... Mine has been longer than that for a while now, but I still don't feel it's long... Maybe when I get to classic? I doubt it though...
It's not much consolation, but at least your'e not alone in this :)

[MsBubbles]

For what it's worth...I'm enjoying your hair! Maybe you could let it down and do some photo shoots and post the pics?

I think I know what you mean. My biggest problem though is not being able to do certain half-updos that some of my hair idols are able to do, because my hair is so fine and it just looks stupid (rats tails). So that has been a disappointment to me. But I'm trying to enjoy what I have I suppose.

[Feng-Shui]

Say you each day your hair is as beautifully long with the understanding.

A daily the feeling will also follow.

It lasts some time to itself the new message under conscious embodied.

It is to compare also.

If you even if you straight laugh not after laugh feel.

You cannot laugh and have sad feeling at the same time.

Please you to it your sentences pay attention to formulate in such a way as if it already happened.
In the present thus.

An example.
Correctly: My hair is long and beautiful.:thumbsup:

Wrongly: My hair will be long and beautiful a daily. (No!)

You must train it really daily.

Much success with learn.:flower:

[error]

No no you do have a point I actually know how you feel , my hair is tailbone length and I feel like it is sooo short! It really is not but in my head it is, I find myself losing patience with it every so often too! So yeah I think the whole hair growing thing just becomes an obsession , a really strong obsession too!

[Feng-Shui]

No no you do have a point I actually know how you feel , my hair is tailbone length and I feel like it is sooo short! It really is not but in my head it is, I find myself losing patience with it every so often too! So yeah I think the whole hair growing thing just becomes an obsession , a really strong obsession too!

Let you not to your feelings over you prevail.

You can learn their feelings to control.:)

Do not give you too much power over you to your feelings.

Your of feelings can torment you otherwise and dance to you on the nose.
That is not good.

Bring yourselves back control again.:thumbsup:

With your thoughts you can affect your feelings positively.

Think you the correct things your feelings will then follow. :)

[error]

Let you not to your feelings over you prevail.

You can learn their feelings to control.:)

Do not give you too much power over you to your feelings.

Your of feelings can torment you otherwise and dance to you on the nose.
That is not good.

Bring yourselves back control again.:thumbsup:

With your thoughts you can affect your feelings positively.

Think you the correct things your feelings will then follow. :)
Awwe that was , really refreshing (sits back ...ties hair in bun and forgets about it) Lol!

[Feng-Shui]

Feelings are like small children.

Children live at each time in here and now.

The mother in you must correct your feelings occasionally.

If one sets to its feelings not limits with the understanding, becomes feelings often small monsters.:lol:

[Sisko]

Pinkbunny, it may take a while for your mind to catch up with the reality of your (hair) accomplishments; sometimes we refuse to admit that we've achieved something and do anything we can to discredit ourselves. Like you said, you've programmed yourself into this kind of thinking, now you must reprogram - as you so wisely pointed out, Feng-Shui.

*decides to nurture both feelings and hair* Self-perception is so important. I know what you mean in that I've just reached a milestone and I'm feeling very underwhelmed. Perhaps we become somewhat desensitized to the effect of longer length when it's growing from our own head.
Pamper your hair a little bit. ;)

I also really like the suggestion of getting it out of the way and forgetting about it for a month. Or, fake short hair a while (there should be tutorials on Youtube if not here). Maybe you'll find yourself equally underwhelmed at other lengths.

Was there something else you associated with long hair that is now missing from the picture? Sometimes I unwittingly dream up a better me alongside any goal, even a hair goal, only to later find out that I'm not quite at that stage in life yet. :shrug: Hence the disappointment.

[heynormy]

Actually I've been feeling like this for some time now! My hair is about 2 inches past BSL, but to me it still seems so short, especially compared to many of the other wonderful heads of hair here! It won't feel long to me until it's flowing ALL the way down my back! It has to be due to the fact that we see our own hair on a daily basis, so we don't realize that our hair IS long!! :cheese:

[tanya222]

It has taken me sooooo many years to learn about hair care, drop my vices, and just wait for the length. I've spent so much time wishing for more length, envying others who have longer hair, and just telling myself "it's not long enough" that I feel like I've brainwashed myself!

Now that I know I have long hair (and anytime I wear it down or even braided or ponytailed there's no shortage of people who also point it out) it's like I still don't KNOW it... I want to feel as fabulous as I imagined I would in the beginning, but I don't know how to reverse all those years of self-programming? I don't want to be conceited, but I feel like I should be more appreciative of my hard work and improve my self-esteem.

Am I being silly or has anyone else experienced this? Please don't think I'm fishing for compliments, I feel stupid enough already... Help!







*On a semi-side note, I once decided that when I got to knee I might maintain in an attempt to thicken my hemline, and that goal is fast-approaching. Anyone think this would help/hurt my mental block?

I think I know what you mean. When I was at waist I thought it wasn't long at all, wasn't quite happy, I thought I'll be happy with it when it's to the top of my butt crack. Then it got there, I then thought, no that's not long enough, when it's halfway down my butt that'll be perfect. It's like each stage I reach, it's still not long enough. I might have a problem :eek:

Now I'm just reaching classic and after seeing so many pictures of ladies here with knee length and reading the classic to knee thread, guess what my next goal is! And when I think how many years that's gonna take, I get mildly depressed :o

I mean, I really appreciate my hair's length, and it's health & thickness, and how long it's taken to grow this. Like you, I don't want to fish for compliments but I wear my hair up so much (everywhere) that nobody ever sees how long it is. I hate to say it but sometimes I'm tempted to wear it down for the sole purpose of getting complimented on it, just one compliment! Then back up it goes! (But the fear of snarls prevents me :D)

[Capybara]

I just wanted to say that you have beautiful long hair! Some of the first hair inspiration I had when I started hanging around here :)

I feel like this too sometimes-as in, my hair is long by society's standards, but not by "my" standards. For me, though, I get more enjoyment in thenprocess of growing my hair, learning new hairstyles, taking care of it, etc. than when I've reached goal. I'm not sure why, I guess it's easier to look forward to something than to appreciate what you already have sometimes :shrug: wearing it up for a while is a goo idea. When you take it down, both you and the people around you will be amazed! :flower:

[pinkbunny]

One problem I've run into is that when I had short hair, I imagined myself with long, flowing hair all the time. What I've got is a bun or a braid most of the time, which isn't at all how I imagined long hair. But it's just not practical to have it down most of the time, which is a little disappointing.

This! I think part of the problem is that I have to put my hair up up up for work all the time. When the constant updo-ing really depresses me I'll just let it hang in a long braid, but then I get aggravated with it swinging in the way and I worry about getting (photo processing) chemicals on it... I get more of a thrill when I can feel how far down on my body the ends of my hair "tickle" me.


No no you do have a point I actually know how you feel , my hair is tailbone length and I feel like it is sooo short! It really is not but in my head it is, I find myself losing patience with it every so often too! So yeah I think the whole hair growing thing just becomes an obsession , a really strong obsession too!

Yes, it's strange how when I had short hair I had this self-image of the "true" me with long long hair. Now I have to convince myself I'm really there...


Also, you may be a bit of a perfectionist with your hair? Thinking there is always room for improvement, always working on the next goal?

One problem, I guess, is that I have no ultimate goal. One mini-goal just leads to another and another and another... lol


With your thoughts you can affect your feelings positively.

Think you the correct things your feelings will then follow. :)

True, I have to find that "switch" in my brain to change gears.


Pinkbunny, it may take a while for your mind to catch up with the reality of your (hair) accomplishments; sometimes we refuse to admit that we've achieved something and do anything we can to discredit ourselves. Like you said, you've programmed yourself into this kind of thinking, now you must reprogram - as you so wisely pointed out, Feng-Shui.

*decides to nurture both feelings and hair* Self-perception is so important. I know what you mean in that I've just reached a milestone and I'm feeling very underwhelmed. Perhaps we become somewhat desensitized to the effect of longer length when it's growing from our own head.
Pamper your hair a little bit. ;)

I also really like the suggestion of getting it out of the way and forgetting about it for a month. Or, fake short hair a while (there should be tutorials on Youtube if not here). Maybe you'll find yourself equally underwhelmed at other lengths.

Was there something else you associated with long hair that is now missing from the picture? Sometimes I unwittingly dream up a better me alongside any goal, even a hair goal, only to later find out that I'm not quite at that stage in life yet. :shrug: Hence the disappointment.

It's like I told spidermom - I think I have to wear it up too much, so that's also not helping my brain "catch up" to my actual length. Plus, I've spent all my time nurturing my hair and not my perception, they are egregiously imbalanced...



I think I know what you mean. When I was at waist I thought it wasn't long at all, wasn't quite happy, I thought I'll be happy with it when it's to the top of my butt crack. Then it got there, I then thought, no that's not long enough, when it's halfway down my butt that'll be perfect. It's like each stage I reach, it's still not long enough. I might have a problem :eek:

Now I'm just reaching classic and after seeing so many pictures of ladies here with knee length and reading the classic to knee thread, guess what my next goal is! And when I think how many years that's gonna take, I get mildly depressed :o

I mean, I really appreciate my hair's length, and it's health & thickness, and how long it's taken to grow this. Like you, I don't want to fish for compliments but I wear my hair up so much (everywhere) that nobody ever sees how long it is. I hate to say it but sometimes I'm tempted to wear it down for the sole purpose of getting complimented on it, just one compliment! Then back up it goes! (But the fear of snarls prevents me :D)

Yes and no lol. I always pictured myself with long hair, but was never clear on how long, so I'm like an addict - "more more more". I get a high when I "realize" it's longer (reach a landmark - waist, hip, tb, etc.) and then I'm back wanting more. I like wearing my hair down for myself, so I can see it, feel it, experience it. The compliments are nice, but some days I just don't want to be bothered (I'm awkward with strangers) so even then it's a dilemma.


*****
I was thinking more along the lines of some sort of meditation or self-affirmation that worked for someone else. Or maybe since my hair stays hidden I could find more ways to see it on a regular basis - ever catch a glimpse of the back of yourself as a reflection of a reflection (like in folding mirrors) so that it almost looks like someone else? Or when you watch videos or see pics of yourself and you can view yourself in a more "detached" way? Sure, I post pics here, but I'm not online all the time - maybe I should print some and stick them on my dressing mirror so I can see them, and update them every so often?

[Yayasmurf]

I say... Wear it down, go shopping or out anywhere for a few hours. You will receive many comments on how LONG & BEAUTIFUL it is and this will reinforce how great your hair looks and you will feel so much better. YES... I know this is kind of vain but what the heck... we deserve a little hair reinforcement on occasion. I do it and I'm not ashamed :D

Some days I just want to feel special and pretty with my long hair. :cheese: