FURIOUS over hair cut!

[dropinthebucket]

I am just so furious! If I don't say something, somewhere, I'm going to burst!!

My son came home from a few days with his dad yesterday - and his dad bullied him into getting all his hair cut off! I'm just SO angry! My son had shoulder-length hair, and though he wasn't actively growing it, every time I asked if he wanted me to take him to get it cut, he said no - ok, end of story. He is allowed to have his hair any way he likes it, I will NOT interfere with how he wants to wear his hair. His hair is also very nice on him the way he likes it. He told me he probably would have fought harder not to get his hair cut when his dad made him, but he was sick and tired that day. (He did come down with an awful cold the next day). His hair is now razored - it's cut like Justin Bieber's! DS is upset about it.
(Not wanting to upset any Justin Bieber fans, but in ds's high school, looking like JB is not good as far as the rest of the guys are concerned, unh unh).

Anyway, sorry to rant - I'm just so mad, and this is the most wonderful and supportive place I've been in a long time!

[luluj]

:waving:First let me say "hello fellow Ontario dweller!" I totally understand your anger, it is very justified in my humble opinion. I once worked as a Nanny for a very sweet young boy (from birth until 13 years old) who loved his long wavy hair. He was forced to have it cut by the Dean of the private school that he transferred to from his public school. His "extreme sadness" over the decision broke my heart:(to pieces. He phoned me the morning of his hair cut appointment and pleaded with me to help him convince his mother to cancel the visit to the salon. My hands were tied. Your son will get over this and grow his hair once again, but the memory will stay with him. Give him a big hug and let him know that what his dad did is not acceptable and then reassure him that it will not happen again, at least not on your watch.;)

[Deelight]

For your son's sake, I would really focus on minimizing the incident ("it will grow back") and just let him know that it won't happen again. Your own angered response may increase his sense of injury if you continue to bring it up. Coming here to vent and get support was a good idea.

[bunnii]

I agree that maybe you should try to downplay this a little and coming here was for the best.

But seriously! I would be furious too! If your son is allowed his hair the way he wants it then that's it. Can you try and style it so it doesn't look like Justin bieber? With spikes or something?

[LouLaLa]

For your son's sake, I would really focus on minimizing the incident ("it will grow back") and just let him know that it won't happen again. Your own angered response may increase his sense of injury if you continue to bring it up. Coming here to vent and get support was a good idea.


I think that there is much wisdom in this post. Its an annoying incident but you dont want any resentments or anger to flare up in the familial structure as it could lead to other issues becoming irksome. I have a friend and her ex became a nightmare and would even argue over medical treatment of their child :rolleyes:

That said how aggrivating! *Hugs*

[spidermom]

Distressing to the max and SO not o.k. I agree with downplaying it as far as your son is concerned. Reassure him that it will grow back and perhaps look out for styling options that he might enjoy.

[Anje]

That is distressing. At his age, he should be able to chose how he wants to wear his hair, without parents leaning on him to do it one way or another.

He may want to grow it out, but if he's more distressed about the backward mullet than by having short hair, a quick all-over clipper cut might be preferable to looking like Bieber.

[dropinthebucket]

Thanks guys! yeah, I told him, "honey, it looks fine." (lie) I just feel like I should defend and protect him, but I know it has to be his fight now, because he's getting older, and he has to learn to stand up to his father. Just so upsetting ... thanks for all your kind words, and letting me vent here instead of somewhere else! ;)

luluj, hi neighbour! :)

[ericthegreat]

For the sake of him not holding any ill feelings towards his father, I also agree with many of the above posters and would advise you to not exacerbate the situation by also getting visibly angry with his father. Yes, I understand that this is LHC and of course hair means much more to all of us than it does to the rest of the world, but still there are much more important things in this world like maintaining a good relationship with both of your parents.

If you believe this issue is that important, then make sure that you talk with his father privately and AWAY from the eyes and ears of your son. Your son should not need to see or hear and fighting over this issue, it will only make him feel all the worse over it. Talk with your son's father and let your voice be heard, that you want your son to have the freedom to wear his hair at whatever length or style that he chooses.

In the meanwhile, I would really suggest that you cheer up your son. Tell him he looks very handsome with the new haircut, just do all you can to make him feel better. His hair will eventually grow back.

[Qwackie]

I was forced to get my waist length cut by my principle, and I'm not even a dude. It got cut close to a guy's punk style, and I hate it. I got it cut back in March, and I liked it a lot until people started thinking I was a guy. I've been trying to grow it out for about a month, and luckily it grows pretty fast.

I actually like Justin Beiber's hair, sure I hate his music, but his hair's pretty cool.

[squiggyflop]

hmmm well at least it will grow back.. though i would think he would cut it into a different cut just to get rid of the popkids hair.. though this is distressing to me that a parent would force a cut on a kid in highschool.. my dad didnt say a thing when i would come home with neon pink hair so i guess i was spoiled

[Catia]

I'm going to go against the grain a little bit here, but I'm not speaking as a mother, but how I would feel as the child.

I think it is important to let your son know that you are on his side - whatever that stance is (and as long as it's true of course)

Of course I'm not advocating that you vilify the father, but that this is taken as a learning experience to stand up for what you(your son) wants - particularly if it is unpopular. As a child it is vitally important to have a parent be your cheerleader. If he sees you more or less shrug your shoulders about it like it's no biggie, he might get the impression that his opinions or feelings aren't validated.

If it is addressed more along the lines of "I'm so sorry you are upset about this, YES I DID really enjoy your hair long. Remember how you feel about this today so that you can be stronger next time." Or something like that ... Not those words ... just that general gist.

I don't think children should be shielded from our opinions if they are expressed with love and without judgement. :flower:

[Linnykinz]

I agree with what the others have said, especially trying to find a new style so he doesn't get teased about his hair in school. This happened to me in middle school. The experience has been harsh enough for your DS, I would let him know, not with any anger or hostility towards your SO, that you did like his hair better long and next time he should not give into something that he does not like. But don't forget to tell him how handsome he looks! ;)

[jera]

You scared me at first. I thought his dad forced him into a buzz cut or something equally awful. shudder:

I wouldn't downplay it as much as the others are suggesting. When 've had bad haircuts nothing hurt me more than people who took a laissez faire attitude saying, "Oh it will grow back." I think I'd actively try to help him get it restyled or something until it grows out. One thing I can say for Justin Beiber is he has lots of healthy shiny hair, he just chooses to style it a dorky sort of way.:o I think your son will appreciate it more in the future if you help him now. High school can be rough enough without bad haircuts to complicate things. :p

You're a very sweet mom to be so concerned for his happiness. :)

[julya]

I understand how you feel! I came how after grandma had been babysitting my son to see that she had cut him some thick, and very short bangs! I made it clear that any hair cutting decisions need to be discussed with me, and it is growing out nicely now, but it sure was annoying when the bangs where in the falling in the eyes stage.

That Justin Beiber style is kind of like the fall in the eyes look, I seem to recall. Maybe get some gel for your son to play around with to try some different styles.

[tinti]

Aww, that's harsh to bully a kid into a cut he doesn't like. Especially when in highschool when everyone is focusing on what's cool or not in mostly everything. *hugs* I would just be honest with him. Not like yelling and fighting right in front of him honest, but tell him that it was not ok of his father to force him into cutting his hair like that, and try to help him with styling it so that it looks a bit better :) We all knows that hair grows back, but also that there is a lot of kids that's forced into haircuts, and many of them gets a bad self confidence from it. I remember my own perm incident when my mom cut my hair into a short hocky do. It was awful to style, and I didn't feel very good looking like a bird had made a nest of my hair.

[dropinthebucket]

Thanks jera and catia - that's exactly it, i don't want to have him feel worse by me being angry with his dad, but it's bad enough his dad has sent the message he has to live up to his expectations, i don't want that message to be validated either - so hard to know what to do in this situation, when either path has its problems! Iappreciate everyone's comments - he has washed it, and it looks less "pop-py", so I guess that's something! :) His dad is ex-military and really believes men HAVE to have short hair - i'm sure this is not the last we'll hear about it. :(

[missfortune9335]

I don't mean this to sound insensitive, because I *do* feel for where you're coming from, however his hair will grow back and maybe this will be a learning experiance for him. He did something to try and please someone else, but it has made him dis-proportionatly unhappy, so the outcome was not worth the cost. Hopefully he'll be able to apply that to other choices he'll make throughout his life. That being said, hair is a very personal and emotional thing for some people, I wish him speedy growth! :flower:

[Peter]

I think most people with long hair have entertained thoughts of cutting it all off at some point, but only those who have done it know how they'll feel. Now your son knows what his hair means to him and he will not make that mistake again. Lesson learned, and his hair will be back at his shoulders before you know it. :)