Grabby strangers personal bubble

[ihavelonghair]

I'm pretty sure many of us have experienced friends/family brushing our hair, stroking our hair, running fingers through our hair and I'm sure we really don't mind this.

BUT I DO mind when complete strangers come up to me and stroke my hair, pick up my braid to feel its weight, pull my ponytail etc. It's as if they think a wig will fall off if they touch it. :rolleyes:
Don't get me wrong, I don't mind if a toddler delicately touches it or even the few times cats have tried to climb my braids (despite the claw marks on the back of my thighs). Sometimes I admit I like the attention... but when people in the supermarket OR IN A PUBLIC RESTROOM before having washed their hands just start getting grabby, it really upsets me. It makes me wonder if these people are touchy-feely people in general...

I have a big personal bubble as it is (I didn't hug a lot when I was younger) and having crazy people lay their hands on me as if I'm pregnant weirds me out. For this reason I wear my hair primarily in buns (or in the wintertime, under my sweaters).

Sorry, thanks for letting me rant.

[Copasetic]

Rant away! I hate it when people touch my hair. For some reason, a lot of people feel compelled to grab curly hair. It's really annoying.

[ihavelonghair]

Ugh, sorry about the terrible grammar of the subject. I forgot to edit it before posting.:p

[Tiina]

I hate-hate-HATE people other than DH touching me. Once my hair gets long enough I'll start smacking touchy-feely strangers with my braid, screaming "THIS IS A LETHAL WEAPON, HANDS OFF!". :whip:

[Synthemesc]

Used to get that a lot when I had bright pink hair. If it wasn't random grabbing it was constantly being asked if it was a wig. Urgh.

[Gumball]

When it comes to touchy type people it's really all about the respect. I admit I'm a touchy type person, I love hugs, etc., but I respect the person enough to not do it unless it's accepted. There's a HUGE difference when people do it when they haven't had the green light. Having it done by people in a bathroom with unwashed hands is just, well, icky! I understand why you keep it up as a preventative measure against incidents like that.

[Kome]

Ugh. The bathroom thing would make me want to throw a punch. That is disgusting. People touched my hair when it was long too, but not too much. I think I have a stand offish kind of personality and people think I might bite them if they touch me... which I might. ;)

[Xandergrammy]

My personal bubble is very small, so I don't have the same cringe factor that others might. Interestingly enough, I did grow up in a very huggy family. I wonder if there is a connection there? I'm sorry you and others have to endure this invasion of your personal space. :flowers:

[HairFaerie]

That's a bit weird, in my opinion, to just go up to a stranger and stroke their hair.

I mean, if I saw someone's hair that I was so absolutely compelled to touch for whatever reason, I would politely say "I know this sounds strange, but may I feel your hair?" (and even that is a little on the creepy side).

If someone asked politely, and depending on the person & situation, I would probably let them. If they just came up and started stroking, they would get the evil eye for sure!

Do those people go around petting everyone's hair, I wonder? Hopefully not.

[little_cherry]

I agree, rant away.

I don't mind people I know touching my hair....but I did mind that person grabbing onto both of my dutch braids and saying "giddy up" with his friends laughing and hooting on the bus yesterday. I'm sure I've lost some hair due to the hard pulling.

[pennyroyal]

I agree, rant away.

I don't mind people I know touching my hair....but I did mind that person grabbing onto both of my dutch braids and saying "giddy up" with his friends laughing and hooting on the bus yesterday. I'm sure I've lost some hair due to the hard pulling.
He should've gotten smacked for that! :mad:
& i do completley agree that strangers have no business playing with people's hair. That is just weird. I would never do that.

[Capybara]

I agree, rant away.

I don't mind people I know touching my hair....but I did mind that person grabbing onto both of my dutch braids and saying "giddy up" with his friends laughing and hooting on the bus yesterday. I'm sure I've lost some hair due to the hard pulling.

I don't like it when people who have not requested permission touch my hair! I had a similar incident in the grocery store a few months ago. I don't wear double braids that often, for this reason.

Ihavelonghair, you don't have to apologize, the people who touch your hair inappropriately do!

[italianamama]

Just past waist here, and no grabbing yet. Lots of comments and staring though, which I'm okay with. I have a big public personal bubble too! So go ahead and grab away, that is if you want to lose a digit in the process.

[SeaShell]

Its happened to me too and my hair is positively short compared with yours it weirds me out too...I would never dream of getting into anyone else's bubble unless I knew them well! Amazing hair by the way :)

[Carolyn]

I can't imagine a stranger touching another stranger's hair. I can see kids doing it. Or even teenagers because a lot of them haven't learned to control impulses. But adults? I guess it must happen as I've seen accounts of it here. I'm just :shocked:I'm sure I'd go off on the person if it ever happened to me. I think I must have some kind of an invisible "don't get near me" barrier. Not many people get huggy with me, which is just fine. I wasn't raised to be touchy and huggy.

[CopperHead]

I was in a Sally's Beauty Supply years ago and a woman grabbed my hair and buried her face in it. She said it was yummy. She had very short hair and wanted to know what I used so she could let hers grow. I was more amused than upset. It was just so random. :)

[Dragon]

My hair is only at waist so I dont get people grabbing it. It would also annoy me if some one came up and touched it with out asking. I would never do that to some one. That is just weird.

[shockinglength]

If a stranger did that to me I'd probably give them a nasty look, and if it was really bad I'd yell or puch them. What did you do when the person with unwashed hands touched your hair?

[Alvrodul]

I agree, rant away.

I don't mind people I know touching my hair....but I did mind that person grabbing onto both of my dutch braids and saying "giddy up" with his friends laughing and hooting on the bus yesterday. I'm sure I've lost some hair due to the hard pulling.
If it had been me, I would have kicked him in the b***s!!:mad:

If toddlers or young children want to touch my hair, that is one thing - as long as their hands are not all sticky with ice cream or sometning else I don't want in my hair. :tmi: Adults, however had better have an invitation to touch before they attempt it!:patrol:

[Othala]

Some people are just so creepy.

I think there is also an attitude that hair is somehow disembodied. The strangers who have just come up and started touching my hair would not have done the same with any other of my body parts. They have been mostly nice people with intense curiosity or an uncontrollable urge to tough hair very different from their own.

I did have one male who tried to touch my hair and he got told to move away in no uncertain terms. He was offended by me and couldn't understand my ire.

[shockinglength]

I was in a Sally's Beauty Supply years ago and a woman grabbed my hair and buried her face in it. She said it was yummy. She had very short hair and wanted to know what I used so she could let hers grow. I was more amused than upset. It was just so random. :)

ROTFL!!! That sounds hilarious.

[princessp]

I know it is horrible! This happened to me just a couple of weeks ago. I was walking down the street with a friend. There was a small group of young men saying something behind me (I ignored them). Then I realized they were amusingly talking about my hair. Well then they quickly walked passed me and one of these guys grabbed my buns (on my head!)

[Finoriel]

Most people here are polite enough to ask me for permission... :p this, or I´m too mean looking to risk the possible effects of not asking beforehand :gabigrin:
But I honestly don´t get asked often.
The touchy feely thing could be a cultural phenomenon. In some cultures it is far more common and acceptable to touch others, than it is for example in Scandinavian culture.

[saskia_madding]

I wrote about this in some other thread but I cannot remember where.

I don't think it is about hair being disembodied but is rather more about how women's bodies are considered a part of the public sphere (in Canada and the USA, at least). We're allowed to look at them, comment on them (both positive and negative comments), police them to make sure they are within the proper boundaries, and mostly not worry about the consequences. Much like people who think it is fine to put their hands on the belly of a pregnant woman. And because long hair is culturally coded as female, men with long hair are subject to the same thing.

I hate that.

[pineconejg]

I don't like strangers touching my hair, despite the fact that I LOOOVE for my husband to touch it. When I was in the Peace Corps in Guatemala, my filthy-handed students would always want to touch it and strangers even touched it all the time on the bus and in CHURCH! I guess that they wanted to know if yellow hair felt the same as black hair... but it grossed me out sometimes.

[Beatrice]

I wrote about this in some other thread but I cannot remember where.

I don't think it is about hair being disembodied but is rather more about how women's bodies are considered a part of the public sphere (in Canada and the USA, at least). We're allowed to look at them, comment on them (both positive and negative comments), police them to make sure they are within the proper boundaries, and mostly not worry about the consequences. Much like people who think it is fine to put their hands on the belly of a pregnant woman. And because long hair is culturally coded as female, men with long hair are subject to the same thing.

I hate that.

This is just creepy. Sure, I have friends and family who touch my hair. When I was little, my Sunday school teacher once asked to braid my hair, and I had no problem with that. I can't imagine a stranger touching my hair, let alone burying their face in it or pulling it! In the latter case, I'd probably threaten to press charges!

I haven't seen or experienced the type of privacy invasion you're talking about, saskia, but I probably don't get out enough. People where I live are friendly, but respectful of others' personal space. I guess it just depends on your region of the country.

[Fizz]

I agree, rant away.

I don't mind people I know touching my hair....but I did mind that person grabbing onto both of my dutch braids and saying "giddy up" with his friends laughing and hooting on the bus yesterday.

I have that too. One of my male colleagues used to pull (hard) on my braid
and sing "Ding! ding! move along the bus please!"
He has now stopped doing it because I threatened to grab him HARD by
the windchimes and say "ding! ding!" just to see how he liked it.;)

And at the moment I have a female colleague who likes to sneak up behind me
and deliberately smack my braid around my face. It really hurts!, ..especially when it hits my eyes. :angry:

I work in a hospital, so I try to keep my hair away from the elderly/confused patients.
Don't fancy the thought of them ferking about under the sheets and then touching my braid!:nono:

[redfox78]

Wow, that would really bother me if someone came up and just started touching my hair. I've almost punched people just for touching my usually pregnant belly, not to mention complete strangers putting their hands on my kids in stores.

I grew up in a pretty huggy family, but I still have a really big personal bubble when it comes to people who are not my immediate family. Even close friends generally aren't allowed to touch me much except for the occasional hug, if it's necessary.

[Capybara]

There's a thread on this matter, http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=46273, which I was looking for before but only recently found :)

[luckyduck]

When I was in my early forties, I worked at a coffee shop. A client all of a sudden started to pull my hair if it was in a pony tail! One day he chased me around the counter trying to pull it. I held out my hands and made him stop. I haven't worn a ponytail since.

[Jezerellica]

This is cracking me up. I totally understand! Beautiful long hair is such a novelty people act like it is a handbag or something. My Mom is a touchy person and will not stop touching my hair and face. Don't I sound like a terrible person? I'm sorry. I just really don't like being touched unless it is by my SO or Dad. People can't seem to resist two long braids on each side. I love them too, but PLEASE PEOPLE, just look, don't touch!!

A stranger in a public restroom? Gagh. Oh man, that is worst of all.

This is a great thread! It so nice to know I am not being tortured alone! LOL

I also have very long eyelashes and think it is so cute for a child/toddler to reach out with a chubby little finger to touch them in curiousity. But adults? AAAAAAAHH!! "Are those real?"

[Darkhorse1]

Funny, I have my personal space, but I'm not too bad with my hair---meaning, kids and people I know. I have had the odd wee one touch my hair in a grocery line (to mom whispering harshly 'don't touch it!'), but that just makes me laugh because kids learn by touching-it's pure innocence. however, an adult stranger?? Yeah, NOT. People adults know darn well we all have our personal space.

Like another poster said, if a kind person asked if they could feel/touch your hair, I would be less bothered because at least they had the common curtosey to ask. But, to just touch? And in a restroom?? UGH! I mean, how different is that from someone saying 'nice breasts, are they real?" and grabbing one? Why should hair be any different?

[glossyshine]

I wrote about this in some other thread but I cannot remember where.

I don't think it is about hair being disembodied but is rather more about how women's bodies are considered a part of the public sphere (in Canada and the USA, at least). We're allowed to look at them, comment on them (both positive and negative comments), police them to make sure they are within the proper boundaries, and mostly not worry about the consequences. Much like people who think it is fine to put their hands on the belly of a pregnant woman. And because long hair is culturally coded as female, men with long hair are subject to the same thing.

I hate that.

I very much agree with the quote above.

This subject is very interesting to me, and a little of a surprise. Black women write about this all the time, even on boards that aren't focused on hair. From what I've read, everyone hates it and feels intruded on and diminished by it. There's also a race angle, because only white people try to touch them.

I'm mixed race and (can) have very unusual hair that fascinates people. I'm not particularly approachable, so I more get asked about my hair than have people touch it. It's been a constant in my life.

I'm also very tall--nearly 6 feet, and my hair is approaching BSL. Most women can't touch me on top of the head, and most men wouldn't dare.

[Gypsygirl]

When it comes to touchy type people it's really all about the respect. I admit I'm a touchy type person, I love hugs, etc., but I respect the person enough to not do it unless it's accepted.

Same here... I don't do it to strangers unless I can tell they are comfortable with it. But... I don't mind if people do it to me unless they get kind of rough like the guy Little Cherry met. I always think it's so cute when people shyly ask, can I give you a hug, or, may I touch your hair? :) I never say no...

[heynormy]

I have a HUGE personal bubble. Sometimes I don't even like my family touching me!! However, I normally let my friends and family play with my hair if they ask (plus it just feels really good)! I've never had someone randomly come up to me and grab my hair (yet), but if a stranger wanted to pet me, they would be asking for it!

[Gilraen]

I've had a few friends (and some strangers) that *experimented* with my curly hair. I wouldn't even mind it if they tried to "boing" it a few times, but they grab whole fistfuls, see how my bun is put up, pull out my hair sticks....ugh.

[lapushka]

I've had my hair pulled twice in my life, and both in totally inappropriate circumstances. The first time was when I went from BSL length to a punkish short style (they wanted to check if it wasn't a wig, it was sticking out all over the place and so thick and OMG how could I have just cut it short like that), and the second time a man walked up to me from behind very fast and he just --out of the blue-- pulled my hair. I was at about APL and a bright henna red at the time (yeah, yeah, I have wild thick hair), and somehow I guess that didn't seem too un-wiglike either. :roll: :shrug:

[got2pals]

Ihavelonghair, you must be a very approachable person. And you do have beautiful hair. Perhaps you should scowl more and keep your arms crossed over your chest:D.
On the not-joking side of things -- I'm not kidding, and that's a compliment to you. Nobody and I mean nobody who does not know me would walk up and touch any part of me and if/when they do, I re-create the space I want. I'm not very approachable.

Anybody who is over the age of 9 and has a normal sense of boundaries as we define them in the USA is violating social mores to touch your hair and probably knows it. I don't care it they're eccentric or hyper-friendly or whatever they call themselves, they're walking a slippery slope. I hate it when people demand to pet my dog and whistle to him when I am asking him to focus on me and behave, not dive at strangers and relieve them of their belongings and upright stance. Would they let me pet their child if I asked? Oh, so creepy! Do people walk up to people they know who have had a knee replacement and ask if they can touch it because it is novel? I sure hope not.

I think people feel entitled to be able to touch what they like in the world and don't like being told "no." Feel free to set your limits. If an impudent person has to suffer being told "no" or be corrected for improper bodily contact, it will probably not kill them.

When I first met my dog at the shelter, he clomped on to my braid so hard I thought that would be the end of it! The hair, not the dog. I still have both. My 9 and 10 year old (dance) students liked to touch my hair because it is very fine and soft and I guess that was novel. But they were not allowed until I had earned their respect.

[Synthemesc]

I agree, rant away.

I don't mind people I know touching my hair....but I did mind that person grabbing onto both of my dutch braids and saying "giddy up" with his friends laughing and hooting on the bus yesterday. I'm sure I've lost some hair due to the hard pulling.

Ugh, that at the very least deserves a slap.

[chelssix]

This just happened to me! I was sitting in class, and I felt someone pick up my ponytail. I looked over, the girl who touched me dropped it, and I just kinda stared at her until she said "It's pretty!" and I went back to what I was doing without saying anything.

Not the best way to handle a compliment, but I don't really think of it as a compliment when someone grabs ANY part of my body without asking. If I grab your butt, is it okay if I compliment it after? No, you would be upset!

[UncommonTart]

As someone with a large-ish and definite "bubble," (arms' length, please) I tend to get downright obnoxious if someone (a stranger, usually) touches my hair (or any other body part) without leave. Make a giant scene. Embarass him (or her). A loud exclamation will usually do it- something like: "Excuse me?! Can I help you?", "Where have your hands been?", "I'll thank you to keep yourself to yourself, please."

Mind you, I don't respond this way when a child walks up and touches my hair. That happens too (often as the parents stand by watching, and that drives me up the wall), but I try to be nicer. I'm not a mean person, but I really don't like to be touched by strangers. I'm not even especially "touchy-feely" with family.

Of course if your hair is in a braid and someone startles you by touching it, you could always spin around and smack them in the face with it...

Okay, I admit it. Having my person violated realy brings out the worst in me.

[StormiDoodle]

I've only had one person come up and touch my hair, and I think he was attempting to flirt with me (*pulling* on a persons braids is not a good flirting strategy, FYI). I also almost *always* bun my hair though, so unless you know what long hair looks like bunned, you don't know. I occasionally have strangers come up and ask me how long my hair is if it were down.

What I do have happen quite frequently is dogs coming up and grabbing my braid, I think it reminds them of those rope toys. Not just my dog, but friends and family's dogs too! I was awakened earlier today from a nap on the couch by my dog trying to take off with the braid attached to my head. :-P

[hermosamendoza]

Just past waist here, and no grabbing yet. Lots of comments and staring though, which I'm okay with. I have a big public personal bubble too! So go ahead and grab away, that is if you want to lose a digit in the process.

i'm sorry for some reason I cannot see anyone's profile but I love your hair, did you sleep with rollers in it? it is beautiful

[Starr]

People always come up behind me and just randomly touch my hair. . . it drives me insane, because I'm a touchy person who doesn't mind being touched by people I know, I do not like when it's people I don't know.

Why do some people think it's perfectly okay to touch a stranger without asking?

[Charlotte:)]

Random people have been playing with my hair since I was little, so I suppose I'm just used to it. I actually think it feels nice :)