Advice/Encouragement Needed

[zman]

Thanks for welcoming me everybody. I guess the reason I joined is to get some advice on my hair as I have been having a rough time lately. The problem is that I had been living in South America for the last 2.5 years and mostly grew my hair while I was there. When I moved I decided that I was finally going try grow a ponytail and am glad to say that I succeeded and enjoy it a lot. However, I moved back home about a month ago and am living with my family. They do not care for my hair, nor does anybody else around here it seems even though I take good care of it. My younger sister make sure I know that I have girly hair and that I tie my ponytail like a girl and others just tell me to cut it. I guess it is just getting to me that and I kinda feel like it might be nice to have short hair again. I dont want to do anything stupid though so please give me some advice if you feel like it. Here are some pictures if you that will help at all. thanks again for the welcome and advice.

http://i983.photobucket.com/albums/ae314/zustiur21/271419-1-1-1-1.jpg?t=1278444487
http://i983.photobucket.com/albums/ae314/zustiur21/271326.jpg?t=1278444519
http://i983.photobucket.com/albums/ae314/zustiur21/SSPX0061-1-1-2.jpg?t=1278444519

[Gumball]

It all depends on if you're entertaining the ideas for short hair because of outside influence. When I started growing my hair I got a lot of flak from most people, but I stuck it out. Eventually not only did everyone give up on hounding me, but they adjusted and have grown used to it. If there's a preconceived notion of a "norm" for them, then if you go against that grain it takes time for them to acclimate. Ultimately it's about you and not about them.

[Kristin]

Wow! You have nice thick hair! I don't think you should cut it just because others are telling you they don't like it. If you like your hair, then keep it! You'll get lots of support here. :)

[Jenn of Pence]

I agree with Gumball; there may be a transition time while others get used to it. I don't have many good tips for patiently bearing the comments, unfortunately. I tend to be one to let those things get to me, except for hair comments...then I do stand my ground ;)
There's a "two week" rule floating about the forum; I believe it's something to the effect of don't make a drastic change impulsively. Wait two weeks and see if you still feel the same way. That would give those around you some adjustment time and you some time to really decide what you want for yourself.

[triumphator!]

I know lots of men with long hair! Tell them all you like it that way. You are your own person!

[ravenreed]

Your hair is gorgeous and thick. My only thought is a low ponytail looks less 'girly' than a higher one to me. Personally, I don't care about gender norms so I wouldn't worry about it, but if it bugs you, maybe try dropping it down and see if you get less comments that way? The down side is low ponies tend to get more tangles, at least with my hair.

Have you seen Torrinpaige's Youtube channel? She does looks for guys and girls with long hair. I love her Hawser Braid. Yours is a bit too short yet I think, but it is something to aspire to, maybe? Hawser Braid (http://www.youtube.com/user/torrinpaige#p/search/2/8y3LvWpncQQ)

[MissManda]

My boyfriend also has long hair and he gets mean comments about it at times, but he likes his hair better when it's long because it's easier for him to take care of. He just ignores the remarks and he hasn't cut his hair in over three years. I remember his mom used to nag him to cut his hair all the time, but she has since left him alone because she has gotten used to it and DBF has learned different ways of keeping his hair tied back neatly.

I agree that a lower ponytail looks less "girly." You could try wearing your hair like that. If you can't manage a Hawser braid, just one rope braid looks awesome on a guy and it is one of my boyfriend's favorite hairstyles. You might also want to look at Torrin Paige's French Ponytail.

Wear your hair in a way that is comfortable for you. You shouldn't cut your hair off if that isn't what you want.

[spidermom]

I'd also suggest that you position the ponytail lower on your head and see if that passes better. Another thing you can do is use plain black bands or leather on it, and do a series of tie-offs going down the length so that your hair is more contained and doesn't get as many tangles.

I hope that people soon get used to your hair and stop giving you grief about it because it's really nice-looking hair. You should be able to enjoy it.

[AZDesertRose]

I think your hair looks great. It's so thick and shiny. Hang around here a while and you'll learn some neat tips for taking good care of it and styling it in cool ways.

I agree that a lower ponytail might look a bit more masculine, but it's your hair. You wear it the way you want it.

Welcome!

[*Aoife*]

Oh it's so thick and pretty!
Don't cut it! Stick it out, learn some new updo's and your family will get used to it eventually

[HintOfMint]

Whoa! What a ponytail! It looks thicker than my wrist!:thudpile:
That is some seriously impressive hair, and yes, I'm envious.

As long as it isn't going to cost you a job that you REALLY want or need,* keep it long and enjoy the heck out of it. I can't wait to see it in a braid!

*I'm sure my opinion on sacrificing personal aesthetics for professional convention is unpopular here, but I stand by my opinion. If it is going to be debated, I'll happily move it to another thread. I have no desire to hijack this one.

ETA: also I second the low ponytail. It reminds me of Revolutionary War movies, where the men have these low ponytails but are these rugged, masculine soldiers.

[little_acorn]

You have amazing hair that looks in beautiful condition.

In terms of style I would also suggest the low ponytail as more masculine, this is the way my DH has worn his for years (20 or so now). People will get used to your hair eventually, probably more quickly if comments are not obviously upsetting you. I find that DH's family comment much less if I keeps his ends neat (which isn't a problem in your case).

[JenniferNoel]

It's going to take some time for them to get used to it, but all I can say is you have a phenomenal ponytail, and you look good with it long. Best I can say is wait and see, and try to find as many ways as possible to make it more "manly" meanwhile.

[PiroskaCicu]

I know lots of men with long hair and I personally really love it.

I think that just because others may not like/or are used to it does not mean you have to cut it short. It looks great on you in my opinion.

[lorig713]

Your hair looks great! I say keep it! :)

[justgreen]

I agree with all the others, lower ponytail would probably work better for you. And just tell your family/friends "I'm not here to decorate your world" :flowers:

ETA: A half up pony is nice on a man....don't get me started on all the guys in LOTR. Especially Legolas (http://www.comicbookmovie.com/fansites/LetsCutTheBS/news/?a=14214).

[Dragon]

Your hair is so nice. Dont worry about what every one else thinks. As long as you like it, thats all that counts and there are lots of us who do like your hair. Tell them all you like it that way and you wont change it for anyone. You would be crazy to cut it just because some one else wants you to. I also agree that a lower ponytail looks a bit more masculine. Happy Growing :) :)

[GRU]

I'm another that suggests a lower ponytail for a more subdued image.

I'm not sure where "home" is for you, but I imagine that almost any country/ethnicity has long-haired celebrities who are not "girly".

Here are some Hollywood examples, past and present:


Jake Gyllenhaal
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/08/13/article-0-02401B3400000578-424_468x755.jpg


Ewan McGregor
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/7472/2410/320/ewansg04.jpg


Antonio Banderas
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/7472/2410/1600/antonio03.jpg


Brad Pitt
http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a73/eccentrica_uk/blog/pitt02.jpg


Colin Farrell
http://images.starpulse.com/pictures/2008/10/16/previews/Colin%20Farrell-JTM-040105.jpg


Orlando Bloom
http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/153/970787.jpg



(And a large number of soccer/football players worldwide.)


Use these guys, or others who may be more familiar to your family, to show that long hair does not mean "girly".

And if you want long hair, keep it... it's YOUR head, after all!!!

[jasper]

It looks really well cared for and I don't think you are wearing it particularly high in the ponytail pictures. Your younger sister is wrong about the girly comment, but younger sisters sometimes feel they have a role to play in the annoying comment department. If you were my brother I would be jealous. Lucky for me, my older brother doesn't have nice thick hair.

[Angeletti]

if you like your hair long then just ignore others when they tell you to cut it, what you are happy with should be all that matters. I think it looks good and makes you stand out from all the short hair out there

[EdG]

It's your hair. You get to wear it the way you like. :)
Ed

[littlenvy]

OMG! Its so thinck!
I would LOVE to have your hair, and I would never ever cut it. :)

But I also think its totally up to you. If you like it, KEEP IT LONG. If you are bored with it and not longer like it, cut it. But don't let others tell you what to do. They have their own hair, let them worry about theirs.

[SpinDance]

You do have nice thick hair! As the others have said, it's your hair, you have to live with it. Half-ups look good, half-ups into a low braid or pony do well, too. Most men I know with long hair either have it in a low pony or low braid most of the time. However, it's your hair, you decide how to wear it that makes you comfortable. And that's true whether you are male or female.

The more men wear their hair different ways, the more people will learn to accept it. I think it will be good to see more men wearing a nice hair stick/s. Simple and elegant, and more protective and convenient than a pony or braid, IMHO!

[Loreley]

Your hair is amazing! So thick and healthy! :) I wouldn't cut it just because others tell me to do it.

[Maverick494]

I LOVE guys with long hair. Seriously, the hottest guy I ever came across had gorgeous long black hair. Nothing girlie about it either.

It's just not the norm anymore, but who ever cared for herd behaviour? It's your hair and your call on what to do with it. If you had flimsy, dull, thin hair I might have said a cut would be good, but you've got great thick hair!

I used to have short cuts all the time. A bob, shoulders, etc. Now I'm almost at waistlength. Before I got there though, everyone was hounding me and telling me to cut my hair. Some guys said they thought it was 'overdone'. I didn't care. It's my hair and my choice on what to do with it. Now people seem to like it a lot, after they got used to it.

So do what YOU like.

[ravenreed]

While I agree with this 1000% percent, it takes a guy extremely secure in his manhood to deal with the 'girly' comments, I think. Not everyone has the self-esteem to buck the trends. :(


It's your hair. You get to wear it the way you like. :)
Ed

[ibleedlipstick]

Wear your hair the way you like it. Honestly, you know that you are not a girl, you certainly don't *look* like a girl, and your hair is incredibly healthy and thick looking. I mean, you find people who like your hair. There are just some people in the world that you cannot please, no matter how hard you try. If you like it short, then wait two weeks and cut it about 4 inches. Wait another two weeks. Cut two inches. Go slow- most of the changes I regret are ones that I did emotionally and quickly. I went from waist length to shaved- that was a rash decision. Hair takes time to grow back. Make sure that you really want it short, before you cut it.

At the end of the day, all that matters is that you are happy with yourself.

[zman]

Thanks for the compliments, it is nice to hear sometimes. and for the advice, i am going to see if i can work out whats best for me.

[littleflowerr]

I say stick it out and grow it out because you have such wonderful thick hair!

[Fiferstone]

Hey zman:

There is a men's thread (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=50247) in the "mane" forum, check it out and enjoy the support.

I say rock the long locks. This finey is indeed envious of your wonderfully thick hair. It's my dream to have thick hair, and it's not happening in this lifetime.

I just LOVE it when people spout the "men must have short hair" dictum as though it's an immutable law of nature, when in fact western men have only had short hair for the last 200 years or so. Before then, for most of the millennia of human history, males had many variations on long hair, and in other cultures, men continue to have long hair.

My DH has hair down almost to his waist at this point. He has not cut it in over 13 years. ;). Last year, he successfully found a replacement for the job he was laid off from after having been there for 15 years, without having to resort to the bog-standard short-back-and-sides barbershop cut. If you want to keep your hair long, by ALL means do so. Happy growing. :), and welcome to LHC!