why is it others have a problem with long hair?

[Valorie]

I'm sorry but I guess I'm posting here as I've been getting this so often from so many people.
I even blogged about it today
here (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/blog.php?b=72538)
Up until now, I've have compliments. Now that my hair is beyond BSL and growing to more of an extreme it seems everyone wants to know when I'm going to cut it and why am I not cutting it, and "you really look better as a shorter haired girl..."I've even been told I look older with it longer.
Well, I AM older than when I started growing it? I would still look older than then if I cut it!

I know why I am doing this and it's my hair. At the same time, it's hard on one's self esteem when it's people whose opinion (otherwise anyway) that you value.

I guess I am just searching for some encouragement from others who I am sure have been through this!
thank you for reading.
:drama:

[Cholera]

I think a lot of people just don't feel comfortable when things are out of their realm of normalcy. Be it shoulder length hair on a guy, or waist length hair on a girl. They just don't like it because they're not used to it.

I've never really been one to care what people think about my hair. I got a lot of flack for dying my hair black in 6th grade, then some more for cutting it off and dying my bangs red. But really, I haven't had very long hair before, so I can't give you advice about people telling you to cut it.. I guess, just stay strong. :)

[misstwist]

My general reply to non-strangers is "if I wanted it shorted it would be shorter." Then I change the subject.

Strangers get a death stare.

I've never been hounded about it, though. I'm not sure how I would deal with that other than just avoiding the hound, but that isn't always possible.

[Fiferstone]

Oh Dear, thread #2 about people pressuring a member to cut in order to "look better."

Look better to whom?

All that matters or should matter is how YOU feel you look. If you are honestly tired of long hair, then do what you will, it's your hair. ;)

You don't post your age stat but to my eye you are a lovely young woman with lovely hair. :flower:

Took me almost a half-century to figure out what I wanted appearance-wise, and that the only opinion that matters about my appearance really, is my own. Those who love me will love me as I am, and will respect my right to look as I want to, in a manner that makes me happy.

If you love your long hair, and honestly want to see how long it can get (that's my goal, before I die), then on toward whatever goal you're after.

If you are bored and think that changing your hair might change things for the better, be very very careful about acting out on your hair out of boredom. You've got some years invested in it. It will take those same years to grow it back.

If you are thinking of cutting it because someone else has said they personally like how short hair looks on you, think very very hard about that. You are the one who has to live with whatever cut you get, on a daily basis, in the end.

Follow your own heart here. You can choose to be kind in response to such comments "I have long hair because I like long hair, and no, I'm not thinking of cutting it." Or you can be snarky "Cut it? But then I'd look like you..." [followed by a pointed stare] or "Cut it? but it'll only grow again....[followed by a pointed stare].

I've been very lucky, in that only my mother really wants me to have short hair, and she accepts the fact that the hair on my head is mine to do with as I please, no one forced her to grow hers, and no one is going to force me to cut mine.

[Siava]

Opinions are like bums. Everybody has one and sometimes they're stinky. Don't pay them any attention. You'll find tons of encouragement here to grow grow grow! :)

[virgo75]

Just looked at your album and you and your hair are really beautiful. :)

Your hair is gorgeous color and it looks thick, shiny, and healthy.

I've personally never seen long hair look bad on anyone unless it was unhealthy, damaged, or poorly cared for - which is definitely not your case at all.

I'm only one person, but please don't cut your hair because 1 or 2 people said you should. If YOU really don't like long hair on yourself or in general than whip out the scissors and cut away. But I think you look lovely with long hair and it will only be more lovely as it gets longer.

I don't get the whole "You look older with long hair" when people also say that only YOUNG women should wear long hair??? Wouldn't that mean longer hair makes you look younger?!?! :confused: For you personally, you have a very attractive face with a timeless quality so that you would probably look pretty with short or long hair. But I think the long is really pretty.

As for the frizz and fly-aways - do you use a leave-in conditioner? That can help tremendously with dryness and fly-aways. Right now I'm using Garnier Sleek & Shine, it has cones but isn't super coney if that makes sense.

The longest my hair has been was a bit past waist(almost to hip) but nobody ever said to cut it, so I can't relate on that one. But if someone ever did I would probably have grown it to my knees just to be contrary. :lol:

Hope that helps. :flower:

[Valorie]

Thank you all.
I know it's silly and I've never cared before what anyone thought.

I've had some really crazy styles when I was a younger person, and of course could have cared less. I got a lot of slack back then for being a girl with a shaved head, or someone with bright hair colors (this was the early 90's) and I always had an odd style ::P
I guess now it's odd for me to have a longer hair style. I feel as for myself, this is my way of being extreme by growing it out. It's not something many people do anymore and that makes it different. Also, I do enjoy the henna process and taking care of it, being able to use the hair sticks/forks, etc.

I'm 35, btw, and maybe just taking others' opinions far too seriously. Perhaps I've hit a mid life crisis of sorts where I'm starting to doubt myself:cheese:

[Siava]

By the way, I've commented on your pictures before. Woman, you are modern model material, hair and all. Please don't let others persuade the way you view yourself in a negative way. They are probably jealous. The longer your hair gets, the more it adds to your beauty and mystique. That's just my humble opinion, of course. :)

[Kome]

I think a lot of people just don't feel comfortable when things are out of their realm of normalcy. Be it shoulder length hair on a guy, or waist length hair on a girl. They just don't like it because they're not used to it.

I've never really been one to care what people think about my hair. I got a lot of flack for dying my hair black in 6th grade, then some more for cutting it off and dying my bangs red. But really, I haven't had very long hair before, so I can't give you advice about people telling you to cut it.. I guess, just stay strong. :)

This right here. Anything out of the "norm" for people scares them. They don't know how to deal with it, and because of that, it must be BAD.

I've had many different hairstyles and colors over the last few years and I can't tell you how many times people pointed and laughed at me because my hair was pink or purple, even if it was up nicely or straightened. It could be brown and messy as hell, but brown is "normal" so that's okay.

People aren't going to change. Sometimes it can be hard to deal with. I know I felt the most beautiful when I had bright pink hair right below my shoulders. I don't know why, but I did. What others thought didn't mean a thing to me because I had so much confidence in myself. Perhaps if you exude that confidence then people will be less likely to say anything because they will be intimidated by you and your gorgeousness! Just a thought. :)

[Loreley]

Many people think that longer hair than waist-length is disgusting. (I've read it on another forum. :disgust:)
I don't care what they think. I want long hair because I like it, and because it's unique. I don't want to look like everybody else. And I tell them if they ask me why I don't want to cut it.

[Coffeebug]

Opinions are like bums. Everybody has one and sometimes they're stinky.

Hahahahaha awww man that's brilliant LOL!

[Sammich]

Hahahahaha awww man that's brilliant LOL!

*Nod*
May I steal that quote pleaseprettyplease? :D It'd be a 'bummer' if I can't. Harharhar...

[ninelives]

When I was in high school, other girls would always tell me what to do with my hair. I wore it long and straight, but not usually longer than BSL. Still, they told me to perm it, style it, etc. I never listened, thank goodness. Why would I have wanted to damage it and have tumbleweed head as was so prevalent in the 80's (not that it wasn't charming on some people, but it wasn't for me)? And sometime after that, the natural long hair look was "in".

Well, I don't care what's in. Nobody tells me what to do with my hair anymore, *usually*, except the occasional relative.

The important thing is I don't care what other people say. I will grow and style my hair the way I want. If I do what people tell me to do, I will just be unhappy and resent them for it. It's almost like a huge statement I make the the world that I refuse to blend in with everyone else because society says I should.

About long hair being rare anymore, I kind of understand because around here there is either the proper controlled length and cut, or you have extreme hair too. So in some progressive circles where the women chop their hair short or every which way (again, which is great for them but not my thing), I also stick out like a sore thumb. I've even thought it makes some of them look at me different and not trust me, even if on the inside I have so much in common. I refuse to give in to that silent pressure, either.

I hope you can truly feel this inside and not get upset about what people say. They are coming from a judgemental place (maybe sometimes an envious one?), and it isn't their place to tell you how to keep your hair anyway!

[UltraBella]

Everyone always gets upset with me when I WANT to cut my hair.
I experienced the strangest hair situation yesterday !!!! I was at a friend's house ( she has thin, shoulder length hair that grows very slowly ) and another friend of her's showed up. This girl has naturally red, straight hair the same length as mine. It is beautiful !!! My friend immediately says to me " Don't you think she needs to cut at least six inches off ?? "

" Uhm, no, her hair is the same length as mine. Do I need to cut off six inches ?? "

" No, your hair is so wavy and thick ! Take you bun out and show her ! "

Now how was that supposed to help ?!?! What in the world was my friend thinking ??? And that poor girl with such pretty hair being put in that situation :(
I commented to my friend that atleast we both HAD six inches we could cut off if we wanted, and that it's easy to tell others to cut their hair when you barely have any. Probably not nice of me, but I was really bothered.
Ugh........

[ninelives]

I wanted to add something, on a deeper note, which occurred to me after I posted above. I noticed you asked "why do people have a problem with long hair?" This is important because I see it as bigger problems to do with insecurity, power, control, and conformity in society.

So, to me, on a deeper level, these are some reasons people resent long hair:


their own insecurities, especially when they see someone who acts of their own independent will; sometimes this can appear as a sudden self-doubt on *their* part when they see what you have done with your hair and they haven't; also remember that sometimes how you feel around someone is the way they feel about *themself*, so they may be projecting their own insecurity onto you, causing you to "feel" a temporary insecure vibe which may not even truly be your own at that moment;
jealousy of the long hair that someone like yourself has made the effort to cultivate;
the element of control, kind of like people like to control their lawns and remove all the weeds and put noxious chemicals on it to keep it the prescribed agreed-upon style; long hair kind of represents the wild untamed aspect of nature, and some people just can't stand wild uncontrolled nature; so some people will take it as an affront to them or to the power base of society if you flout convention and grow your hair;
lastly, it may be a spiritual sort of attempt to undermine you. Hair has energy, and that energy is at your crown, even your crown *chakra*, if you can accept chakra terminology (it's also Biblical, IIRC, as in Samson and his hair was his power, so he lost his power when his hair was cut). So hair, maybe in its many forms, can be a metaphor for power, and also *spiritual* energy since the crown chakra is your spiritual chakra and your connection to Source (again, whatever you want to call it). It may bug people on a level they don't even understand to see how you handle the energy on your head. Or maybe it bugs them that they can't dictate hair like they or some people would like to dictate religion to other folks.I just read, too, that Native Americans see hair as strength or power, and that many will only cut it to show mourning. I don't know much about that, but I know there is a whole lot more to that.


The spiritual/crown explanation is more of an abstract, not totally valid one, since you can't say people without hair aren't spiritual! And I guess in the Bible example, his power didn't truly come from his hair, after all (not an expert on such, it's a general interpretation here). It's just another way to look at things, and one I've observed in other ways, as well (too much to explain). I take it with a grain of salt.

It was an interesting question for me, after having contemplated on my own how people look at and treat other people. It's their issues, really.

[jera]

Opinions are like bums. Everybody has one and sometimes they're stinky. :)

Hehehe. :D I've gone through periods where I've gotten more negative input re: my hair length than others. But it's my hair at the end of the day. If I buckled to the pressures and hated the results, I'd be the one to suffer through growing it back not the people who insulted my hair choice. Your hair is lovely and you look beautiful. Just ignore these ignorant people who pressure you with their unwanted advice.;)

[Sandwitch]

Some people find long hair disgusting, and some people only talk like this because of jealousy? I don't know WHY people tell me this, but it's rude that they do it.

[Angeletti]

maybe when something is not the "norm" for them they tend to look at it negatively... but who wants to be normal : ) if it makes you happy with it being long then who cares what others think!

[Maelyssa]

Ok I've just checked out your 2010 hair album & you look absolutely STUNNING! You do NOT look old or aging. I don't know how old you are but you're gorgeous. I love, love, love your length & color.
Could it be these people with rotten opinions are being pushed out of their comfort zones of what they're used to? Or maybe they see you looking better as your hair grows longer & it makes them more unsure of themselves?
If it's someone you know I"d be a bit suspect of their reasoning as your hair in the pics is absolutely lovely & healthy. it doesn't look unkept, unhealthy or limp. Long hair is typically seen as a sign of health, youth & sexuality...maybe someone a bit unhappy with their own is feeling upstaged.

[spidermom]

People don't harrass me about my hair.

[Paniscus]

Unfortunately, I think people in general just like to rant or complain about something and it really doesn't matter what it is. Like Spidermom, people don't generally complain about my hair. Then again, I wear it up a lot.

I would just ignore those that complain, chances are, if it wasn't your hair, it would be something else.

ETA: when I said "something else," I was not referring to something else about you!! I was suggesting that they would probably be complaining about the weather, or some celebrity, or store prices etceteras.

[pennylane]

Opinions are like bums. Everybody has one and sometimes they're stinky. Don't pay them any attention. You'll find tons of encouragement here to grow grow grow! :)



HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA :rollin::rollin::rollin::rollin:


I'm crying here!!! LOOOOOOOOOOL

[Demetrue]

I completely agree with ninelives' thoughtful post. It is about insecurity, control, conformity, power. Fear of those different than oneself and judging completely by appearance instead of deeper qualities within. People who make negative hair comments are looking AT you instead of interacting WITH you. It is a self-centered, provincial, fear-based way of relating to other people.

[Milui Elenath]

I agree with many things already said here but I've had a look at your album - beautiful hair and colour BTW - and to me you look different when you had shorter hair.

Could it be that some of these people are just reacting to the fact you look different than they are used to? Not bad different just different.

Personally I think the length suits you very very well!

[*Aoife*]

Those type of people are idiots! Why would I want to look like anyone else? That would be boring!

I love your hair colour!

[beez1717]

Those type of people are idiots! Why would I want to look like anyone else? That would be boring!

QFT

I would not like to look like someone else which is why i'm growing out my hair. That and i think it's beautiful on almost everyone and stuff. I would only chop if I KNEW my hair was damaged and couldn't be repaired.

[going gray]

Oh Dear, thread #2 about people pressuring a member to cut in order to "look better."

Look better to whom?

All that matters or should matter is how YOU feel you look. If you are honestly tired of long hair, then do what you will, it's your hair. ;)

You don't post your age stat but to my eye you are a lovely young woman with lovely hair. :flower:

Took me almost a half-century to figure out what I wanted appearance-wise, and that the only opinion that matters about my appearance really, is my own. Those who love me will love me as I am, and will respect my right to look as I want to, in a manner that makes me happy.

If you love your long hair, and honestly want to see how long it can get (that's my goal, before I die), then on toward whatever goal you're after.

If you are bored and think that changing your hair might change things for the better, be very very careful about acting out on your hair out of boredom. You've got some years invested in it. It will take those same years to grow it back.

If you are thinking of cutting it because someone else has said they personally like how short hair looks on you, think very very hard about that. You are the one who has to live with whatever cut you get, on a daily basis, in the end.

Follow your own heart here. You can choose to be kind in response to such comments "I have long hair because I like long hair, and no, I'm not thinking of cutting it." Or you can be snarky "Cut it? But then I'd look like you..." [followed by a pointed stare] or "Cut it? but it'll only grow again....[followed by a pointed stare].

I've been very lucky, in that only my mother really wants me to have short hair, and she accepts the fact that the hair on my head is mine to do with as I please, no one forced her to grow hers, and no one is going to force me to cut mine.

Beautifully said, exactly how I feel!

[CrisDee]

I wanted to add something, on a deeper note, which occurred to me after I posted above. I noticed you asked "why do people have a problem with long hair?" This is important because I see it as bigger problems to do with insecurity, power, control, and conformity in society.

So, to me, on a deeper level, these are some reasons people resent long hair:


their own insecurities, especially when they see someone who acts of their own independent will; sometimes this can appear as a sudden self-doubt on *their* part when they see what you have done with your hair and they haven't; also remember that sometimes how you feel around someone is the way they feel about *themself*, so they may be projecting their own insecurity onto you, causing you to "feel" a temporary insecure vibe which may not even truly be your own at that moment;
jealousy of the long hair that someone like yourself has made the effort to cultivate;
the element of control, kind of like people like to control their lawns and remove all the weeds and put noxious chemicals on it to keep it the prescribed agreed-upon style; long hair kind of represents the wild untamed aspect of nature, and some people just can't stand wild uncontrolled nature; so some people will take it as an affront to them or to the power base of society if you flout convention and grow your hair;
lastly, it may be a spiritual sort of attempt to undermine you. Hair has energy, and that energy is at your crown, even your crown *chakra*, if you can accept chakra terminology (it's also Biblical, IIRC, as in Samson and his hair was his power, so he lost his power when his hair was cut). So hair, maybe in its many forms, can be a metaphor for power, and also *spiritual* energy since the crown chakra is your spiritual chakra and your connection to Source (again, whatever you want to call it). It may bug people on a level they don't even understand to see how you handle the energy on your head. Or maybe it bugs them that they can't dictate hair like they or some people would like to dictate religion to other folks.I just read, too, that Native Americans see hair as strength or power, and that many will only cut it to show mourning. I don't know much about that, but I know there is a whole lot more to that.


The spiritual/crown explanation is more of an abstract, not totally valid one, since you can't say people without hair aren't spiritual! And I guess in the Bible example, his power didn't truly come from his hair, after all (not an expert on such, it's a general interpretation here). It's just another way to look at things, and one I've observed in other ways, as well (too much to explain). I take it with a grain of salt.

It was an interesting question for me, after having contemplated on my own how people look at and treat other people. It's their issues, really.

O.M.G.

What she said. Exactly. Thank you, ninelives!

[Yozhik]

You and your hair are so pretty in your albums. After seeing that evidence, I can really give them no credence for insisting you cut your hair.

If you enjoy it long, please keep it that way, because it's gorgeous! :flowers:

[Fairlight63]

I also looked at your hair album & I think that your hair is beautiful! Please don't cut it because someone else thinks that you look better with short hair. Its your hair, do with it what you want to. You try to make other people happy but inside you would not be happy & that is what counts.

[Valorie]

Thanks again..ninelives, that is super interesting.

I can understand the people I know I suppose more than others because they really are used to me having shorter hair.
It's probably just getting to the point now where it's approaching a longer length than considered societal norm and those remarks I've just never been the recipient of.
I'm better now as far as being prepared to hear it and disregard it.

Besides, there are far bigger issues in the world, but this is the lhc! :)

[christine1989]

It seems like some people are just jealous that they don't have the patience and perserverence to grow their own hair out. I got a lot of those comments when my hair was near waist then when I cut it everyone started saying "Why did you cut your long hair?!" and "Are you going to grow it out again?" I think long hair acceptence is just a lose-lose situation. :(

[RachelRain]

I actually had some random customer come into my work place and mention my hair. At first it started out nice - he was surprised it was so long (it fell out of a clip while I was doing something and my back was to him) but it quickly turned into 'you should donate your hair' and when I said no thank you he said he'd jump the counter with scissors and do it himself.

I resisted the urge to punch him (I was at work, after all) and told him that I was going to take that as a threat of bodily harm and that if he didn't leave the premises within the next 60 seconds I was going to call security and then the police. He left - the tone I had used promised that I wasn't kidding. And he never showed up again.

That's the worst incident I've ever had - the majority of women love that it's so long, and so do children - I've had a lot of 7-9 year old girls tell me my hair is gorgeous and I even had one little girl follow me around for a while. That made me nervous, because I didn't want her mom to think I was trying to kidnap her or anything, lol.

Men, however, always want to know why I haven't cut it... I tell them because I have a goal, and maybe when I reach it I will cut it. Until then, I like it, my boyfriend likes it, and that's really all that matters, so if he doesn't, then he can just do an about-face and walk away. And I say it with a smile on my face - a real one, not a nasty one - and they usually shut up and realize that their opinion wasn't asked for and leave me alone.

If you have it long cuz you like it long, then don't worry about what someone else thinks. They aren't the ones who have to put the work into it, so unless they're being encouraging just tune them right out. Your opinion on it is the *only* one that should matter.

[LithiaBlack]

That's the worst incident I've ever had - the majority of women love that it's so long, and so do children - I've had a lot of 7-9 year old girls tell me my hair is gorgeous and I even had one little girl follow me around for a while. That made me nervous, because I didn't want her mom to think I was trying to kidnap her or anything, lol.
M

Kids comments are the best :D
I once left a mall in full gothic attire (pale skin, sooted eyes, red lipstick) with some kind of half up do that showed off my waist length black hair, on the way out I met a mother and a little girl. The girl stared at me with big eyes and then said "Mommy look, a fairy!" the mother tried to hush her and the girl continued "Mommy, I want to look like her when I grow up!" Now the mother gave me "the evil eye" and pulled the girl away from my presence as fast as she could. Even now this memory drives a big smile to my lips :)

/L

[RachelRain]

Aw, that's adorable. I totally just got a huge smile on my face.

See, I'd have encouraged that, but I've been told I only seem to encourage bad habits in people. Most likely I'd have said the same thing! I'm constantly seeing hairstyles and going 'OMG! Mom, when I grow up...' ... and then she reminds me that I'm 27 and I *am* a grown up. Boo.

I love when kids compliment hair, even if it's not mine. My current favorite is my friend's one year old - she's still got like no hair, she cant even do a pony tail or anything, and whenever she sees mine, her eyes get HUGE and she grins and makes a beeline to grab it and play with it. It's so cute, it's hard to get upset later when the snarls have to come out.

My mother in law (and actually her sister too!) has threatened me if I cut my hair. Which is funny, because it's so frizzy all the time and you can see every broken little flyaway piece, but she doesn't care. If and when I cut it, she wants it so she can make a wig for herself cuz her's just won't grow past her shoulders.

*end thread hijacking*

Back to the point, I definitely think it's both because people are jealous but also because some people just think that they are always right and therefore everyone should do what they want. Which is ridiculous and unreasonable, and those are the kinds of people I like to play with. They get so cranky, and it's hilarious. lol.

[jackiesjottings]

Yup, been through this. In my job in the mid-late 80's two of the girls in the office where forever on at me to cut my hair. Until the day I turned round and informed them politely but firmly that I have it long because that is how I want it.

I dont know if it is the same for everyone, we are all different, but I am just under 3 weeks off 50 and at last, at long long last, happy with the way I am. Inside and out. So now those sorts of comments don't hurt me. In fact I am more likely to turn round and tell them politely to mind their own business. I have yet to have someone tell me I am too old to have long hair now but if they do I will look them in the eye and say "why" :)

[Capybara]

Just wanted to chime in and say that you and your hair are gorgeous! You remind me of Zooey Deschanel.

It may be helpful to note, too, that it is not possible to please everyone. I'm sure that if you cut your hair, many people would make comments about how you shouldn't have. Do what makes you feel best.

[GlassEyes]

Your case might be one of the few I would probably describe as jealousy from the onset. You are rather beautiful, and seeing pictures from when you had short hair to long hair, I'd say you look younger with long hair--another source for jealousy.

Not that the short looked bad or you looked old, but that if your pictures are accurate with your hair now you could probably walk by me on my college campus and I'd wonder where you're dorming. There's an age cap of 24 for residence there, I think.

EDIT: ENVY ENVY ENVY NOT JEALOUSY. ARGH.

[hm85]

i think christine1989 is right, people who say things are normally jealous. You always want what you cant have! :)

[Hylia]

For some reason, I find people to think having long hair is unsanitary. My boyfriend had way longer hair than me and he was constantly criticized for it. But I think long hair on men and women is beautiful, as long as its washed and taken care of.

[spidermom]

I think there are probably as many reasons for objecting to long hair as there are people who object. I used to be a Mary Kay sales person. My hair was much shorter than it is now, but my director told me that I'd have to either cut it or wear it up because "when some people see long hair, they start thinking about hair in their food and hair in their throat and hair all over them."

I never thought that, but I guess it takes all kinds.

[slythwolf]

"when some people see long hair, they start thinking about hair in their food and hair in their throat and hair all over them."

Wow. Um, yeah, I've never heard that one before.

I have a friend who gets very upset if you go to take your hair down or put it up or comb it in the kitchen, but that goes for people with short hair too.

[Sunsailing]

I had a female coworker say, "You should cut your hair this summer. Wouldn't it be great to surprise everyone next Fall?" [I'm a teacher]
I know she didn't mean any harm by saying it. It's probably just something that popped into her head.....but WHY did it pop into her mind?
I responded to her, "Maybe I'll surprise people by not wearing it back in a ponytail everyday!"

Another younger coworker said, "Mr. Sunsailing, I don't know how you stand all of that hair in the summer." I stopped and discussed hair with her for a while. She continually lets her hair grow to waist length, then cuts it for Locks of Love. I shared with her what I knew about Locks of Love....she seemed pretty devistated to learn that it wasn't exactly what she thought it was. I told her to do her own research on Locks of Love, then decide.

I wasn't getting any comments about my hair for quite some years, but I've let it get a few inches longer over this last year. Now I'm receiving comments more frequently about cutting it from poeple I know. It's like my hair stepped over a certain line (I'm surprised anyone even noticed a couple of extra inches).

I've never had anyone tell me that my hair is in bad shape or that it doesn't look nice. It strictly seems to be the length as the reason that I should cut it.

I've never received a negative comment from a stranger.
The only comments I get from strangers are that they like my ponytail :)

[Ice~Cold~Wind]

Definitely ignore those kinds of comments. You have gorgeous hair and no matter what length, it will probably still be gorgeous! ;)

[tigr]

Valorie,

I can think of 2 other possible reasons for such comments:
1. Some people have no boundaries; they just don't comprehend that there is a separation between themselves and other people. So they can't understand when someone does something that they wouldn't do.
2. Some people are judgmental and critical. They just are. If it wasn't the length of your hair, it would be the length of your skirt, the height of your heels or the brand of your blow fryer. And if they're not criticizing you, they're criticizing someone else.

Neither of these types of people can help themselves, and they may not even realize they are being harmful.

My other thought is about your reaction and is related to your age:
You said you are 35. The five-year marks (25, 30, 35, 40, 45, etc) are significant, and I always feel vulnerable for a bit until I get used to it. So I react more strongly to people's comments. I turned 50 not long ago (Holy c**p! 50!), so I just went through it. But maybe it's just me.

(No offense to anyone is intended. And I think I will hide behind the couch for a while now.)
:couch:

[Jammy]

I like to think this is not the case for everyone but I have noticed people suggest a hair cut to....how can I say this nicely...bring you down to their level?

There is often a certain amount of jealousy in comments about cutting your hair, or encouragement to have it short. Especially from other females. Women are very competitive with other women and sabotage or false advice is not beneath them.

Don't take my cynical word for it though! I like everyone else's explanations better, they give me hope...

=D

[Sissy]

well, couldn't read your blog as it's private but it's too bad people are making those comments to you. I looked at your album and honestly think your hair looks nice... and it's not an extreme length at all. Ha, I wonder what your friends would say about my length! I think you should keep growing if that's what you want and try not to let others comments get to you. I don't understand why it still seems such a common thing that people would tell someone they look better with shorter hair... longer hair is so widely publicized in magazines, with fashion models, and movies and such... you'd think it would be more popular with the general public! I think longer hair helps people to look more youthful as well, personally.

[Nae]

My theory is that we at the LHC are extremely invested in our hair. We measure, we oil, we discuss hair types, we take pictures of the backs of our heads, we condition, we read ingredients on shampoo bottles, we think about henna, monistat, honey and vinegar as hair products. These things, which may seem a little tiny bit *cough* obsessive to the non-hair folk, are part of our norm. The thought of cutting *shudder* is just about more than most of us can stand. We are putting more energy and more thought and more love into our hair than the non-hair folk could ever imagine.

For them, hair is a changable thing. It can be dyed, fried, flattened, razored or cut with little to no thought. It is an accessory. It is no big deal, they just don't think anything of doing things to their hair that may horrify the average LHCer. We have two different norms, they think it is fun to change things up. It makes them feel good to do it, maybe we would like to try it too!! It would be new, interesting, a cool change, whatever they are thinking.

I can't believe they are all vindictive (oh some of them are I am sure.) But I would much rather believe that our mindframe about hair is so different than the mindframes of these "suggestors of hair change" that they just can't understand it. They have no comprehension of the commitment our hair engenders. I try and forgive them, I know they generally don't have a clue how horrifying their "suggestions" can be to me.

[Dragon]

I recon most of the people who tell you to get a hair cut are just jealous.

[freckles]

My theory is that we at the LHC are extremely invested in our hair. We measure, we oil, we discuss hair types, we take pictures of the backs of our heads, we condition, we read ingredients on shampoo bottles, we think about henna, monistat, honey and vinegar as hair products. These things, which may seem a little tiny bit *cough* obsessive to the non-hair folk, are part of our norm. The thought of cutting *shudder* is just about more than most of us can stand. We are putting more energy and more thought and more love into our hair than the non-hair folk could ever imagine.

For them, hair is a changable thing. It can be dyed, fried, flattened, razored or cut with little to no thought. It is an accessory. It is no big deal, they just don't think anything of doing things to their hair that may horrify the average LHCer. We have two different norms, they think it is fun to change things up. It makes them feel good to do it, maybe we would like to try it too!! It would be new, interesting, a cool change, whatever they are thinking.

I can't believe they are all vindictive (oh some of them are I am sure.) But I would much rather believe that our mindframe about hair is so different than the mindframes of these "suggestors of hair change" that they just can't understand it. They have no comprehension of the commitment our hair engenders. I try and forgive them, I know they generally don't have a clue how horrifying their "suggestions" can be to me.

I think this is pretty accurate. They also often have no real idea as to how long hair takes to grow, so if they suggest a large chop, they're not usually thinking in terms of "x years to grow back".