Friends and family with (long) hair damage

[fair isle]

So, I have always tried to be kind to my hair. I have never owned a blowdryer and can count on my hands the number of times I have used heated tools on my hair (in my lifetime). With all of the wonderful tips here I have only become even more hair health (obsessed) conscious :flower:

As a result I have also started noticing the poor condition of hair of many of the people I know IRL. In particular my stepmom and sister who both have long hair almost WL and BSL. My stepmom has fried her hair over the years with too many highlights and my sister teases, blowdries, and curls (with heated curlers) regularly.

It makes me kind of crazy that they are torturing their hair (it shows) and I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut, but I don't want to be one of THOSE people! :rolleyes:

Does anyone else notice hair damage out IRL more since joining LHC? Please tell me I'm not the only one who has a hard time keeping my mouth shut!!

[jane53]

But you have to keep your mouth shut unless they ask you for advice!

(You know that, of course!)

I have friends with frazzled hair and I just let it go. Bite your tongue!

[spidermom]

I was asked advice and then ignored. Oh well. Next time someone asks me how I got such fabulous hair, I will tell them, and if they ignore me - so be it. The worse their hair looks, the better mine looks in comparison.

[voluspa]

I couldn't care about other peoples' hair. I think it's really ugly to judge anyway.

[Foxknot]

You aren't, believe me. It's so hard to stay quiet! e_e I know a lot of people who have fried their hair, and it's kind of sad. It makes you want to say something, but they always get really defensive...

[Cholera]

There was a girl at my school, a freshman with super thick, frizzy waist length hair. It looked like it would have been curly, but she used a low-quality straightener on it. I always wanted to go say something to her, but I made myself stay quiet. I sometimes wonder why people have really long hair when it looks so damaged.. but it's not my place to tell them what to do.

[fair isle]

But you have to keep your mouth shut unless they ask you for advice!

(You know that, of course!)

I have friends with frazzled hair and I just let it go. Bite your tongue!

I do bite my tongue I guess I just need to work on exercising those jaw muscles more :p


I was asked advice and then ignored. Oh well. Next time someone asks me how I got such fabulous hair, I will tell them, and if they ignore me - so be it. The worse their hair looks, the better mine looks in comparison.

Good advice I hadn't thought about it that way!


I couldn't care about other peoples' hair. I think it's really ugly to judge anyway.

I didn't mean to sound judgmental, on the contrary I care about them and want them to have the best hair they can :cheese:


You aren't, believe me. It's so hard to stay quiet! e_e I know a lot of people who have fried their hair, and it's kind of sad. It makes you want to say something, but they always get really defensive...

I know if only there was a way to say something helpful without upsetting them, I haven't thought of anything yet :confused:

[angelperception]

That's a tough call....I think I would feel okay talking about it with someone I'm close too- like a close friend or family member. I would tend to do it in a helpful way...such as finding a great article about alternatives to (insert harmful product/process here) and introduce the article to them. "I found this great article about "xyz" that I really learned alot from.

But, no one likes to have flaws pointed out... so, really....tough call!

[HintOfMint]

Most people know that teasing, heat and dyes are bad for hair. They do it with the full knowledge that they are damaging their hair, so frankly, unless they ask for advice, don't give it.

[Quixii]

Yeah, I find my friends' lack of hair care and excess of hair damage very noticeable after a year of LHC. I don't say anything unless it comes up, though. And it doesn't come up, so...

[mellie89]

Oh man, yeah, I definitely notice damaged hair more now. I'm not judgmental, but I wish there was a way to point people in the right direction without sounding critical.

DBF's mother has fine hair that's really fried from highlighting and blowdrying. She said once that she needs highlights to give her hair volume. I'd love to share some DT ideas with her, or ask about her routine to see if I could help. But it's not my place. :(

[Carolyn]

Well of course I notice but I know better than to say anything. Even if asked I say something non committal about using lots of conditioner. It really shouldn't matter if someone ruins their hair anymore than if they wear hideous clothes. I can think WTF and keep my thoughts to myself.

[JenniferNoel]

I notice damaged hair more frequently, however it doesn't affect or aggravate me, and I tend to keep my mouth shut unless advice is desperately pleaded. :)

[frodolaughs]

Just yesterday I was walking with two colleagues who were commenting about how their hair doesn't get any longer than their current lengths. (jaw and collar). It's pretty obvious to me that hair dye and blow driers--not to mention frequent salon cuts--are creating their short 'terminal' lengths, but they weren't asking for advice. I just said, "oh, interesting," and waited for the conversation to move on. I figure if I don't give them unsolicited hair advice I won't invite unasked-for style and fashion advice. They can't help knowing I have long hair, so I figure if they want to know more they will ask directly.

[Mae]

I always remember that there have been (and likely will be) many, many times where my hair has looked from less-than-perfect to downright awful. Most of those times, I have been very aware of my hair's state, and having someone point it out to me probably would have made me very sad or embarrassed.

[GRU]

About the best you can do is say something like, "I was going to deep-condition (or cassia or henna or whatever) my hair, and I wondered if you wanted to join me and make a "spa day at home" girly event?"

You can show them how you mix up your DT, show them all the different potions and herbs and whatnot that you have for various reasons, etc. While you hair is slathered with goop, you can do pedicures or watch a chick flick or something.

If they're at all interested, since they know you don't mind showing them your stash of ingredients, they'll ask. If they still don't ask for advice, just let it go.

[Katurday]

I don't think this is a good situation. For one, think of all of our friends here at LHC with fine, easily breakable hair. While someone above me commented that most people know heat styling is damaging, many people don't know blow drying is (I once had a long argument with a girl who insisted her mother the hair stylist told her blow drying is non-damaging on a heat setting - I told her I'd bring in the pictures of blowdried and FRIED hair). Result: very "damaged" hair, but relatively innocent haircare. My hair is permanently frizzy. Some people think since its straight that it must be damaged, but I just happen to have an unusual amount of "head pubes" (really kinky coarse hairs) and always had - even when I was a child who never blowdried, got gentle combings and stretched my washes like crazy.

Keep your comments to yourself. Some people prefer their hair. Some people don't know and are better off thinking they look good. Some of them might be growing damage out, and you just hurt their feelings immensely. Some just have fragile, or dull, or frizzy, or choppy hair. Sometimes hair appears damaged when its not - are you sitting there analyzing their split ends with a magnifier? When asked for advice, be gentle, be slow, be honest and keep a tone of "you'll have beautiful hair if you do this" instead of "you ruined your hair and the process of fixing your hair will take a while".

[Night_Kitten]

I also think it's better not to say anything, even though you really care and want to help...
Maybe you could print one or two articles from the article section about hair damage or how to find a good haircare routine, and just "forget" them in the living room (or some other place where it looks like you were reading and just forgot to put them away when you were done...) so that your sister or step-mom can read them if they are interested. That way your'e not saying anything, and it's their initiative...

[Loreley]

I notice it, too. My younger sister has waist-length blond hair. It's a bit demaged, but it's not that horrible. She has virgin hair, she uses flat iron usually once a week and detangles her hair with a plastic brush. I told her last week that her ends are demaged and should be trimmed. She said OK, and asked me to trim it. She told me not to cut more than 2 inches but I trimmed only 1. I've told her several times what she should change in her routine but she wasn't interested. She's only 14, maybe when she'll be older she'll pay more attention to her hair.

[julliams]

A friend of mine was having her hair "oohed and ahhed" over as she'd just significantly lightened her jet black hair in places using foils. She said she was not finished yet and had one more lightening session to go before she was at her desired colour. I asked her why they couldn't do it all in one go and she explained to me that her hair was so damaged from colouring that it had to be done in stages.

I took a good look at her hair and it just looked like a broom to me. It was over coloured, over straightened and everyone stood around telling her how great it looked. Each to their own.

I think as people we all naturally compliment someone when we know they have spent LOTS of money on something, just to make them feel better, no matter what we actually think about what they have bought/done.

I personally find that I get my compliments when I straighten my hair (which as we know is damaging). Noone ever says it looks great when it's air dried which is the least damaging.

[-j-]

Most people know that teasing, heat and dyes are bad for hair. They do it with the full knowledge that they are damaging their hair, so frankly, unless they ask for advice, don't give it.

I have to disagree.
I think most people believe advertisements, that "this and this product protects your hair from heat while ironing" etc. There are even some straighteners that are said to condition your hair!!! "They seal the cuticles" etc.

My friend believed that her very damaged and fried hair just was like that, naturally, and had a hard time believing that it could be better, if she didn´t rip wet hair or straighten every single day or used a proper conditioner!!

I think you can give advice to some people, if they are close to you, even if they don´t ask, if you find a way to do it gently. It just depends on the people involved and situations.

[Dreams_in_Pink]

Heh, i never say a word about hair. Even when i'm asked. Everybody has the brains and internet connections to find out what they're actually doing to their hair :D

[Chestershire]

Mostly everyone i know with long hair has really damaged hair.. That's so painful to watch, because I want to have long hair so badly, and they have it and they just ruin it -__-

[Pandora.]

I couldn't care about other peoples' hair. I think it's really ugly to judge anyway.

^ Precisely.

To be fair, I get far more compliments on my thinner flat-ironed bleach blonde hair than I have ever done before when it was my thick, wavy, less-damaged natural coloured hair. I probably looked really frumpy with absolutely no sense of style.

It's probably because I'm a teenager, but I see girls with damaged hair (i.e. scene girls) who look a hundred times better than girls who have unlayered, long, natural and cared for hair. It makes them appear as if they're not oblivious to the trends and having a somewhat sense of "style". This doesn't apply to everyone, though. I see girls who have nice fashion sense who care for their hair.

You can be mean about people that damage their hair, but others can be twice as mean about some of those who take extra care of their hair.

I wouldn't go nit-picking at other people's hair, because criticizing someone elses hair is never going to make my hair any better than it already is. It just reinforces insecurities with your own self IMO. Besides, if - in general - anyone said something rude about someone's hair, there's a highly likely chance that they could say something even ruder about another aspect of your appearance (i.e. if you're fat, have bad skin, etc).

/rant over.

[-j-]

[quote=-jI think you can give advice to some people, if they are close to you, even if they don´t ask, if you find a way to do it gently. It just depends on the people involved and situations.[/quote]

Just some clarification, I would give advice, if others complained about their hair being in bad condition. Even if they wouldn´t ask my opinion straight.
If they didn´t say anything about their hair, I would keep my mouth shut.

[countryhopper]

I notice people's hair while sitting behind them on the bus, or crossing the street, etc. I'd like to carry some :scissors: someday and secretly do a much needed S&D to their broken and split ends. I never would, of course, but it's very tempting :D