Hair and identity issues?

[jera]

The thread about whether or not we were allowed to have long hair as kids got me thinking, did your childhood hair style (or lack of one ) cause you any identity issues? I see that most of us who responded to that thread were not allowed to wear our hair as we wanted to and many were humiliated by the style choosen for us by our mothers.
I was forced to wear a boys hairstyle if I misbehaved. Mom knew I loved being feminine and found a way to control my behaviour by chopping all my hair off if I behaved in any way she disapproved of. :( She also forced me to wear overalls because it made her life easier than it would have been if she'd had to dress me up in pretty dresses and do my hair all the time.

I've always felt feminine inside while feeling hard core aggressive inside. I used to play like a boy when I was a kid, played shortstop better than most of the guys did and when I got older, I'd ask guys out. :p Being helplessly feminine always left me feeling just weird and confused.:brains:
I blame most of this on the fact that I was forced to dress like the opposite sex and wear my hair short like a boy's.

Have any of you suffered from a similar identity crisis because you weren't allowed to be yourself when you were growing up, or were given conflicting info from your parents?
What happened and how did you deal with it?

[Purdy Bear]

It sounds like your mother was much like mine.

She cut my hair short at the age of 11 (from tail bone into a bowl cut), she said it was because she could handle it easier, but she hadnt touched it for years, a teacher taught me how to look after my hair (brushing etc). This gave me a lot of problems at my new school because even the teachers thought I was a boy.

I wasnt allowed to have frills or lace, because I was 'too solid' a shape. I lived in jeans and T-shirts, and girl clothes she brought which were horrendous. I consequently grew up as a tom boy, and thus when I got older found it hard to fit in with the usual female personna, fortunately I had my friends mothers and my grandmother ( a totally awesome lady) who helped out.

I came to realise that I was infact a very strong women, and thus came to love me as I was, and not what my mother wanted me to be. Its taken me a while to work out my dress code - classic romantic style - which I feel very comfy in. I do stray more to trousers still, but I think thats more to do with warmth.

As an adult I came to realise my mother was just controlling to the highest degree. She had to be the center of attention, and did anything to be that way. She died many years ago so I try to find good things to remember but it is hard.


PS: The good thng about this is that I will make an awesome mentor for those in a similar place.

[Purdy Bear]

Sorry double post!

[DragonLady]

I think so.

I mean, I think my past influences my current self and self-identitity in almost every way, not just my attitudes about hair or clothes.

I had the strangest life anyone could ask for almost 25 years, followed by marriage to my DH and a "normal" life that is sometimes very hard for me because it's so different. That is, crises was the norm for a quarter of a century, and now that things are calm and quiet and peaceful sometimes I have trouble coping with it. And self-image becomes one of the battle fronts.

My father hated for me to be a girl, and did his best to steer me away from anything girly or feminine. But, he disliked his sons even more, and subjected them all kinds of hell.

Now, I still have an inner fight. If I wear a nice dress and fix my hair and put on makeup, I feel like I'm suddenly on show, and a little part of me is just waiting for him to come through the door and start screaming about what a little clothes horse I've become -or worse, what I hoar I'm destined to be.

My foster parents were often the same way. "Who do you want to dress up for?" was a question I heard a lot. And I think I was in my late 30's before the answer came clear to me. I want to dress up for ME. Weird, but that's the truth. And however other people may perceive that, or whatever motives they may decide is behind it, is their problem.

Now...I rarely wear anything but a t-shirt and jeans. I own a lot of makeup, but about the only time I wear it is if I look in the mirror and see blotchy skin and the weird splotchy tan lines that I get. It's camoflage for what's "wrong" not enhancing what's "right".

Sometimes, I wish I could've been more "normal" and had a more stable, less socially retarded life. But, other times I'm grateful for the craziness I went through. It has made me an adult who can handle almost anything, and am able to accept truths about myself when I need to.

And one of those truths, right here and now, is that I really want to grow my hair to my ankle. And I'm doing it for ME.

[buzzlegum]

Well, I had short hair as a child. It was my mother's decision, not mine. But I don't think I minded. I even clearly remember my mother asking whether I would like my hair long and I said no. I don't think I would've been excited by the prospect of braids, updos and the like. I was a hopeless tomboy and didn't like the whole dressing up-looking pretty thing. So I don't think that my short hair made me a tomboy, but I had short hair to suit my tomboyish ways. I also had lots of guy friends unlike now, but I guess we were innocent children, it's easier to be friends before you go through puberty. :P

I first started growing hair at about the age of 10. My best friend suggested that. She had tailbone or classic length hair. As you see, my hairstyle changes always were somebody else's idea, not mine. Then I discovered that my hair was actually quite wurly (it didn't curl while being in a bowl cut). Classmates called me a poodle all the time and made fun of me. I always wore my hair up but if I would forget to put it up, they'd laugh themselves to death. :( When I was 15, mother talked me into a haircut and I told the hairdresser to 'cut off the damage'. That's how I went from BSL unstraightened to SL. But I was happy. My hair was almost straight. I wore it down the next day. People still stared at me. But this time, I knew I looked good. That cut was liberating. Then I let my hair grow, at times I would trim, and I didn't care anymore what anybody thought. I gained more confidence. They could just as well get damn used to the down-look. Plus, I used conditioner and leave-ins to tame my hair. Too bad my mother never introduced me to such stuff and brushed my hair until I cried. Oh, and at some point I did become a lot girlier but I think I just grew up. By the way, people also stared when I started wearing make-up, when I started wearing prettier clothes, and they talked when I got a boyfriend. Damn people.

Now, my hair is going through a very awkward stage with lots of layers and bangs being grown out and coincidentally, I'm at a very awkward stage of my life as well. :x

[jera]

It sounds like your mother was much like mine.

She cut my hair short at the age of 11 (from tail bone into a bowl cut), she said it was because she could handle it easier, but she hadnt touched it for years, a teacher taught me how to look after my hair (brushing etc). This gave me a lot of problems at my new school because even the teachers thought I was a boy.

I wasnt allowed to have frills or lace, because I was 'too solid' a shape. I lived in jeans and T-shirts, and girl clothes she brought which were horrendous. I consequently grew up as a tom boy, and thus when I got older found it hard to fit in with the usual female personna, fortunately I had my friends mothers and my grandmother ( a totally awesome lady) who helped out.

I came to realise that I was infact a very strong women, and thus came to love me as I was, and not what my mother wanted me to be. Its taken me a while to work out my dress code - classic romantic style - which I feel very comfy in. I do stray more to trousers still, but I think thats more to do with warmth.

As an adult I came to realise my mother was just controlling to the highest degree. She had to be the center of attention, and did anything to be that way. She died many years ago so I try to find good things to remember but it is hard.


PS: The good thng about this is that I will make an awesome mentor for those in a similar place.

Hugs, Purdy Bear. You are an awesome listener and sympathetic individual who's honesty touches me in a good way. :)


I think so.

I mean, I think my past influences my current self and self-identitity in almost every way, not just my attitudes about hair or clothes.

I had the strangest life anyone could ask for almost 25 years, followed by marriage to my DH and a "normal" life that is sometimes very hard for me because it's so different. That is, crises was the norm for a quarter of a century, and now that things are calm and quiet and peaceful sometimes I have trouble coping with it. And self-image becomes one of the battle fronts.

My father hated for me to be a girl, and did his best to steer me away from anything girly or feminine. But, he disliked his sons even more, and subjected them all kinds of hell.

Now, I still have an inner fight. If I wear a nice dress and fix my hair and put on makeup, I feel like I'm suddenly on show, and a little part of me is just waiting for him to come through the door and start screaming about what a little clothes horse I've become -or worse, what I hoar I'm destined to be.

My foster parents were often the same way. "Who do you want to dress up for?" was a question I heard a lot. And I think I was in my late 30's before the answer came clear to me. I want to dress up for ME. Weird, but that's the truth. And however other people may perceive that, or whatever motives they may decide is behind it, is their problem.

Now...I rarely wear anything but a t-shirt and jeans. I own a lot of makeup, but about the only time I wear it is if I look in the mirror and see blotchy skin and the weird splotchy tan lines that I get. It's camoflage for what's "wrong" not enhancing what's "right".

Sometimes, I wish I could've been more "normal" and had a more stable, less socially retarded life. But, other times I'm grateful for the craziness I went through. It has made me an adult who can handle almost anything, and am able to accept truths about myself when I need to.

And one of those truths, right here and now, is that I really want to grow my hair to my ankle. And I'm doing it for ME.

DragonLady that's so cool. I'm sorry for the terrible life you had at home and in foster care. It makes me feel petty for complaining because there are people here with much bigger problems. You don't seem socially retarded at all. I'm sure you'll make it to ankle length and look really beautiful when you do. ;)

[DragonLady]

DragonLady that's so cool. I'm sorry for the terrible life you had at home and in foster care. It makes me feel petty for complaining because there are people here with much bigger problems. You don't seem socially retarded at all. I'm sure you'll make it to ankle length and look really beautiful when you do.

Thanks, Jera. :)

[noelgirl]

My tale is quite a bit simpler. My hair grew longer throughout my childhood, with little to no drama, and looking back, it seems to represent the growth of my free will. By senior year of high school, I had my long, wild mane, and my identity had gotten to the place where it could grow and change as an adult. I had done this one thing for myself on the outside, and I had interests that weren't just handed down from my parents or "what everyone does." Just in time to go out into the world, I felt like I was fully myself.

[Witchy]

I was the unpopular kid in high school -- weird, deeply introverted, covered in acne, a magnet for bullying, and *ugly*.

I started letting my hair grow out immediately after my HS graduation (in 2005, I'm showing my age here *blush*), and with regular maintenance and trims, I'm at around 24". Very cute. Combined with some medicines which cleared up an acne problem, and a very androgynous presentation, I've developed a look of perfectly balanced, genderless beauty.

I haven't been "the ugly kid" in years, especially not to the pretty young women who flirt me behind the counter at the grocery store ;)

Definitely its the hair --- it the first thing people notice and most important component my style of gender expression.

[Twil]

Not so much hair, but in the way I was raised. Mom was a complete tomboy, she play football with boys, carried knives, drank and smoked, worked in a male dominated field, supported her family of 12 alongside her mother, ect.

So why she was a good mother, she didn't really know how to take care of girls. So I was taught to despise make up and all things 'girly'. I wasn't encourage to style my hair, wear dresses, or play with gender specific toys. It took me years to admit to myself that I LOVE the color pink. :o

[Linnykinz]

I've struggled with my identity for 18 years now, because of that. My parents would always cut my beautiful then-blonde curls to my ears or jaw. I used to have a southern accent, the most beautiful golden hair, and a very attention-grabbing personality but it was repressed by them for some reason. I feel like if I had the opportunity to grow into the person I would have been from that, I would be much happier with my persona :(

I was always dressed in boys clothes..baggy jeans and what have you..always played with the boys (I was practically raised by my brother) and because of something that happened early in my life, expressed no interest in being feminine and having long, beautiful hair, clothes, make-up, etc. My hair has always been pretty short. I had BSL locks in middle school but always wore them in a pony tail cuz I had NO idea what to do with them. Then, it went back to a hideous semi bowl cut :/

Now, years later, I just turned 18. I'm having issues with myself because of all this. I want to be more feminine and beautiful (I know it's there somewhere!) but have no idea how to do this. As far as make-up, clothing, hair (except for LHC :)) I'm on my own. I don't have any women or pretty people to help me with my looks and etiquette.

And to be honest, I still don't know what to do...

[christine1989]

Interesting thread topic! (depressing though!) I was always allowed to do/wear/look however I wanted growing up :) but once in middle school my mom forced me to go to camp and I flipped out because I didn't have my girly dresses, perfume and makeup. After three days I made myself throw up so I could get sent home and commence being my girly self again :).

[jasper]

There were three sisters at my school who all had to get really short cuts because of the eldest sister's behavior. The way I heard it, the eldest wasn't doing her school work or keeping her grades up. To this day I think there is something strange about the way that mom was thinking.

[teela1978]

I've never had any gender identity issues with hair... my mother always let me wear my hair and my clothing pretty much any way I wanted...

But I do feel differently with different hair. The shortest I've had my hair is about chin length, I cut to chin from about BSL during grad school, and I distinctly remember feeling cute. Maybe a little outgoing. It was a very different persona from what I had been before. Longer hair seems to make me feel like I'm quieter (it might not be true... but I feel more sedate :)), calmer, more me. Not sure why. But I do feel more like myself with BSL or longer hair.

[RoseRedDead]

I was a fat kid. My family is not poor, but very frugal, and I used to wear some really ugly (and big, due to my weight) clothing. Think old lady type stuff. My mom, of course, thought I looked fine. It covered my body, and was inexpensive. What wasn't there to like?? Also, she was the heaviest she had ever been (even pregnant), and wasn't happy with herself. She has an odd bodytype and has trouble finding flattering clothes.

The hair wasn't the issue at all. All of the above was.

Thankfully, I choose my clothing now, I've got hair down to about my hips, and I've grown up into an attractive young lady.

I'm not attractive/beautiful because somebody says so. I am what I am, whether they acknowledge it or otherwise.

[jane53]

Hair and identity?

My hair is myself! :cheese::cheese::cheese:

[hoolahooper]

I have a long face and nose. I wish I could have found a better way to balance my face a bit

[boomtownrat]

I was a tomboy and have never felt feminine in spite of having an obviously feminine appearance, but I think having a short bob when I was a kid didn't really have anything to do with that. My mom would've liked for me to have longer hair but it was extremely fine and slippery, and I think the main reason she decided what to do with my hair is because I wasn't all that interested in it until I hit puberty. Then I suddenly became aware of my appearance and I've been changing my hair almost constantly ever since. My commitments to growing out my silver hair and growing it until it won't grow anymore are a reflection of my more stable life these days, I think.

[Sherwood]

Oddly (in light of some of the comments above) I was a tomboy as a child, and also very introverted, and never into the "girly" thing. My mother however was very feminine, and really wanted a daughter. Instead she got 3 sons and a tomboy. It was a fight to get me into a dress, and still (many decades later) I am happier in slacks or jeans. The beautiful dresses she bought or made for me were never worn willingly. The only "feminine" thing we agreed on was long hair. I wore it in two long braids, and never had a problem with that, never felt that they got in the way. My only "problem" was being forced into one of those pretty dresses, having my hair down, and brushed into ringlets, and pink rosebuds attached with barettes. I still do not like the color pink. Of course, my mother was blonde, and looked fabulous in pink, and I am a redhead. Looking back, I think my mother actually did pretty well with what she got, rather than what she wanted. It was sort of hard at the time though.

[BlueMuse]

I was always allowed to wear most any thing I wanted and cut my hair in any fashion. I'm fairly sure my mom would have let me bleach my hair out and dye it blue if the school dress code would have allowed it (hey, she was the one price checking with the hair dresser when I considered it a few years ago). Goth, tomboy, girly-girl--whatever I wanted mom was there shopping with me. Believe me, people give you strange looks when your mom goes into hot topic in her bright yellow sun dress and starts picking out chainmail chokers for you.

I think that having her pretty much tell me to go for being whoever I wanted to be is largely why I ended up coming out a mishmash of all styles. I'm an eclectic dresser who has a love of flashy hair things. I dress goth one day and 50's chic the next. It's fun and probably confusing for other people, but I like it. My outside was never proscribed so it never became "me". I am who I am on the inside and that comes out no matter what I'm wearing/what hair style I have.

[jera]

My tale is quite a bit simpler. My hair grew longer throughout my childhood, with little to no drama, and looking back, it seems to represent the growth of my free will. By senior year of high school, I had my long, wild mane, and my identity had gotten to the place where it could grow and change as an adult. I had done this one thing for myself on the outside, and I had interests that weren't just handed down from my parents or "what everyone does." Just in time to go out into the world, I felt like I was fully myself.

Noelgirl, I felt the same when I finally grew out my hair. It was such a struggle to win my freedom and my long locks were a reflection of my success in achieving independence.


I was the unpopular kid in high school -- weird, deeply introverted, covered in acne, a magnet for bullying, and *ugly*.

I started letting my hair grow out immediately after my HS graduation (in 2005, I'm showing my age here *blush*), and with regular maintenance and trims, I'm at around 24". Very cute. Combined with some medicines which cleared up an acne problem, and a very androgynous presentation, I've developed a look of perfectly balanced, genderless beauty.

I haven't been "the ugly kid" in years, especially not to the pretty young women who flirt me behind the counter at the grocery store ;)

Definitely its the hair --- it the first thing people notice and most important component my style of gender expression.

Witchy that is sooo cool. I wish more people knew that there are cures for acne out there and it can be utterly life changing. For a woman, clearing up the skin is so important to feeling feminine and beautiful. Congrats on all your successes. ;)



Not so much hair, but in the way I was raised. Mom was a complete tomboy, she play football with boys, carried knives, drank and smoked, worked in a male dominated field, supported her family of 12 alongside her mother, ect.

So why she was a good mother, she didn't really know how to take care of girls. So I was taught to despise make up and all things 'girly'. I wasn't encourage to style my hair, wear dresses, or play with gender specific toys. It took me years to admit to myself that I LOVE the color pink. :o

Twil that's hilarious, LOL. :D


Interesting thread topic! (depressing though!) I was always allowed to do/wear/look however I wanted growing up but once in middle school my mom forced me to go to camp and I flipped out because I didn't have my girly dresses, perfume and makeup. After three days I made myself throw up so I could get sent home and commence being my girly self again .

Christine, I had the same problem with camping. I went once because my BF was supposed to go with me and some other kids, but the guy giving us all a ride wouldn't wait for him to get off work. :( I should've declined myself but went anyway hoping BF would get a ride somehow. He never did so I spent a miserable night eating food that was burned on the outside but raw on the inside. There were 10 people sleeping in my tent. 10 !!! I woke the next morning with some guy's smelly feet in my face and the sounds of pouring rain on the tent top. I went outside to see the campfires had all sputtered out, so I sat with a friend, the only guy with enough foresight to bring a wateproof poncho, and we sat in the rain trying futilely to light cigarettes.

I hopped the first ride back to civilaization that morning with two women who despised me. They didn't speak a word to me during the whole trip, but I didn't care. The minute I got home, I jumped into a hot bublebath then sacked out in my own bed. Never again.:D


Hair and identity?

My hair is myself! :cheese::cheese::cheese:

Amen, jane. Mine too. :p

[chelssix]

My parents let me do whatever I want, as long as I was dressed somewhat appropriately for my age/where I was going.

Mom always encouraged me to do more experimentation with my hair. Dad didn't really like my hair short or blonde, because I think it looked very "grown up" to him and he wanted me to stay little! No identity issues stemming from that, except I didn't really have anything to rebel against, so to speak, which isn't really an identity issue, but made my hair feel less like a "statement" or a declaration of sorts.

[Gypsygirl]

I was forced to wear a boys hairstyle if I misbehaved. Mom knew I loved being feminine and found a way to control my behaviour by chopping all my hair off if I behaved in any way she disapproved of. :(


I was shocked and appalled to read that... I am so sorry that happened to you, Jera. :grouphug:

[Raine]

My parents pretty much let me do what I wanted with my hair, but I never really learned to take care of it. It's odd, because my mom was a beautician back in the 70s & 80s, but she's had short hair every since her mid 20s, and uses a lot of heat and products. I had really blond hair when I was young, and it was usually long. I remember being about 6 or 7 and crying (and hiding under the kitchen table) the first time I got bangs, because my hair was pulled back when she showed me the mirror and I thought she'd cut it all off. I remember not liking "fancy" hairstyles, because she always ended up burning my forehead with the curling iron, and it left my hair feeling crunchy, so I usually just wore it in a ponytail.

Another problem is my hair was always long, and I didn't know any better then to just brush the top so it laid smooth, and I'd end up with horrible tangles. When I was younger, my mom would just rip through them (yeah, most of our brushes were those plastic knobby ones). I spent a summer with my aunt one time, and she noticed how tangled it was underneath and made a big deal about it to my mom and grandma - I was so embarrassed. She spent several hours with a comb and detangler fixing it for me, and then sent me home with some better products and showed me how to take care of it. My grandma just called my mom and fussed at her, and spent the rest of those weeks telling me I was dirty, lazy, etc for not taking care of myself.

When I was in high school, I still didn't really know what to do with my hair. I had a few horrible perm experiences (again, no idea how to take care of it - like I didn't know you weren't supposed to blowdry and BRUSH a spiral perm, so I had a white-girl afro), and colored my hair frequently (for some reason, mom liked me blonde - it usually ended up brassy, not a good color on me at all), so it ended up dry and pretty unmanageable. I had it cut to a chin length bob, which I loved, and progressively went shorter. I was into the whole punk & skinhead scene, so I wore it shaved or spiked and dyed all sorts of unnatural colors until I was in my mid 20s and looking for a real job.

[Stagecoach]

I never had gender identity issues. My Mom kept my hair shortish because she had 4 girls and 6 boys to look after... whenever I asked to grow my hair longer she said I could, once I could care for it myself. And she kept her word. She also was much more lacy and frilly than I am, so I do remember crying over having to wear frilly dresses, but I think it was good discipline for me to learn how to wear what I had. Now I certainly have my favorite styles, but I'm not going to sweat it if someone gives me a perfectly good piece of clothing in a style not quite my own.. I'll wear it anyway and be grateful!

[young&reckless]

My sister use to call me bro...

Oh yeah I've had a hard time fighting myself and trying to become more of a girl. I had a boyfriend for seven years who was unhappy with my lack of womanlly qualities:run: and I tryed for many years to change. And then I grew up, became my own person and found a balance that makes me happy.

So now I love skin care and hair stuff but don't wear much for make up and I'm happy in my t-shirt and jeans instead of feeling ugly. :magic:

My moms still a tomboy who thinks anything but soap and water and basic shampoo is frilly and useless and my sister is jealous of my hair.

Hee he I win :)

[jivete]

I was allowed to have my hair any way I wanted, the problem I had with hair as a child was feeling that I had very ugly hair. I didn't know how to care for my fragile locks and while I longed for longer hair, could never get it anywhere near APL. So my issues were more about hating my hair and thinking it was inferior to other's.

[NorthernDancer]

I was a fat kid. My family is not poor, but very frugal, and I used to wear some really ugly (and big, due to my weight) clothing. Think old lady type stuff. My mom, of course, thought I looked fine. It covered my body, and was inexpensive. What wasn't there to like?? Also, she was the heaviest she had ever been (even pregnant), and wasn't happy with herself. She has an odd bodytype and has trouble finding flattering clothes.

The hair wasn't the issue at all. All of the above was.

DITTO!
My mom is a very conservative christian, and thought my clothes should be simple and unflattering (although she didn't use that term) so that I didn't "expose" myself. And the cheaper the clothes the better! I ended up wearing terrible clothes that made me look horrible because that's what I thought I "should" wear, and it left me feeling more insecure then I already was.

But now I'm starting to find my own style which is a hippie/indie kind of thing that I'm really liking, and my mom considers "frumpy". :shrug:

My mom let me have freedom with my hair for the most part, but she refused to let me die my hair which is naturally a mousy dishwater blond that I just hated. I think it was the same month that I moved out that I dyed my hair for the first time.

I hope that all of us with parent/environment identity issues will learn to overcome them! :cheese:

[RoseRedDead]

DITTO!
My mom is a very conservative christian, and thought my clothes should be simple and unflattering (although she didn't use that term) so that I didn't "expose" myself. And the cheaper the clothes the better! I ended up wearing terrible clothes that made me look horrible because that's what I thought I "should" wear, and it left me feeling more insecure then I already was.

Yeah, Christian here too. I'm homeschooled as well...


But now I'm starting to find my own style which is a hippie/indie kind of thing that I'm really liking, and my mom considers "frumpy". :shrug:Now I've got a very simple style. I wear a lot of black. Not Goth, just very low-key. I had a bit of a rebellion between 12 and 15, and fought to dress as I like.


...but she refused to let me die my hair which is naturally a mousy dishwater blond that I just hated. I think it was the same month that I moved out that I dyed my hair for the first time.Never been allowed to dye my hair either. Now, I am glad, because I would have liked to dye it black, and I don't think I put enough thought into that! :cool:

[jera]

I was shocked and appalled to read that... I am so sorry that happened to you, Jera. :grouphug:

Thanks Gypsygirl. You should've seen me kicking and screaming to try to prevent her from chopping my hair off. People probably thought I was some kind of brat when in fact I was abused. :(
My revenge came when at 13 I grew to be tall like my dad's side of the family. One day mom wanted me to cut my hair, I was dating by this time and I wanted it to grow really long for me and for my BF. She looked up at me, wagging her finger in my face and told me it was time to get my hair cut. I looked down at her, she's very petite, and said NO ! :draw:
She backed off fast and left me alone after that. Thank God for height. ;)


DITTO!
My mom is a very conservative christian, and thought my clothes should be simple and unflattering (although she didn't use that term) so that I didn't "expose" myself. And the cheaper the clothes the better! I ended up wearing terrible clothes that made me look horrible because that's what I thought I "should" wear, and it left me feeling more insecure then I already was.

But now I'm starting to find my own style which is a hippie/indie kind of thing that I'm really liking, and my mom considers "frumpy". :shrug:

My mom let me have freedom with my hair for the most part, but she refused to let me die my hair which is naturally a mousy dishwater blond that I just hated. I think it was the same month that I moved out that I dyed my hair for the first time.

I hope that all of us with parent/environment identity issues will learn to overcome them! :cheese:
Aw, that's sad about your mom making you wear ugly clothes. :( What are some mothers thinking of to do these things to their daughters and sons.
I'm not surprised you dyed your hair as soon as you could. It must've felt so good to have the hair freedom you wanted so much.:hifive:.

[BattahZ]

My mom actually fought with me whenever I wanted to cut my hair short, bcs she thought it looked better long and I always wanted it short like everyone else. Ha. Shoulda listened ;)

I have vitiligo, so growing up my appearance definitely affected me. I got teased a lot, and was always considered weird-looking, so I guess I subconsciously focused on developing my other attributes - positive outlook, friendly personality, intelligence, humor, etc. Now that the vitiligo issue is resolved, I've still learned not to rely on my looks for anything, so I like to think it made me a stronger person.

[NorthernDancer]

Yeah, Christian here too. I'm homeschooled as well...

Homeschooled here too! I think we started 3rd grade all the way through the end of high school.

[mizk5110]

Homeschooled here too! I think we started 3rd grade all the way through the end of high school.

Me too! Sometimes I think that ended up being more to my disadvantage than not, though. But that's a whole other topic...

I think I've been a longhair at heart my whole life, because a) my dad has always loved long hair, and as daddy's girl I wanted to look pretty for him, and b) I have always deeply regretted any decision about my hair that included scissors.

My parents have actually been fairly supportive of my hair choices over the years. From cropping it from waist to bob, then to almost an old-lady cut with a perm (at 8 years old!), my mom would say "If you really want to." And later that night when I cried myself to sleep over what I had done to my hair, my dad would sit beside me and say "Babygirl, it's just hair. It'll grow."