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Kristina713
May 23rd, 2010, 01:08 PM
I have a friend who is growing out her hair -- she's at SL now. This weekend, I went on a trip with her and we were staying in a hotel together. She washed her hair without conditioner, then got out and ripped a comb through the wet tangles (I could hear the hair tearing). Then, she dried it by using a straightening iron (she said it is faster than a blow dryer). The hair was actually steaming. Yikes! I thought about saying something but then I figured that I would sound like a know-it-all. It is her hair, and hers to damage if she wants. But then I wondered if she didn't know how much damage she was doing.

Would you have given her advice?

FrannyG
May 23rd, 2010, 01:11 PM
No, I wouldn't have given her advice. I only give advice when asked. I find that people are very touchy about their own methods of hair care.

If asked, I could talk hair for hours, but other than on LHC, nobody wants to hear about it.

camillacamilla
May 23rd, 2010, 01:19 PM
I don't see how her hair has even made it to SL with that kind of abuse. I probably would have said something. Gently, of course, but I don't think I could have kept my mouth shut.

Coffeebug
May 23rd, 2010, 01:21 PM
Some people's hair is just more resiliant I guess. If she complains about breakage at some point, then she'd be opening the door for you to say something... otherwise it might be best to leave it. After all, nobody thinks that straighteners are good for hair really, do they.

UltraBella
May 23rd, 2010, 01:23 PM
I think I would have found a way to bring up my own hair, mentioning split ends or something, to see if I could bait her into the conversation.......... That way you can see how it plays out before you say too much.

tinker bug
May 23rd, 2010, 01:40 PM
I probably would have said something like, "Hey, you mentioned you wanted to grow your hair out right? You should check out this forum I belong to called LHC, they have some really great tips and inspiration!" That way, if she follows up by checking out LHC, then she'll learn how damaging her habits are, but still has the choice to follow the advice or not in a nonconfrontational way.

Carolyn
May 23rd, 2010, 01:41 PM
There isn't much you can do unless she says something about the damage to her hair or asks for your advice. The things you could do are casually mention things you do with your hair, or offer to do something like a deep conditioning together. You have to be careful not to get preachy about it but you could lead by example. All you can do is keep the door open for conversation about hair. Giving advice about something as personal as hair is hard to do. Let's hope she asks your advice and you can introduce her to some good hair care habits. If not, just remember it's her hair and no one else's concern but hers.

contradiction
May 23rd, 2010, 01:43 PM
No, it's none of your business.

MissManda
May 23rd, 2010, 02:02 PM
I generally keep quiet when I see my friends unknowingly abusing their hair. If your friend complains about breakage or that her hair doesn't seem to be getting any longer, I think it would be a good idea to casually give her some advice.

If you want to be a little more assertive, you might calmly/subtly express some concern about the steaming hair. Maybe something along the lines of "Are you sure that steam coming off the iron/your hair is a good sign? Maybe you should turn the temperature down?"

Other than that, I wouldn't say anything unless asked. I know how hard it is to see someone doing such horrible things to their hair.

IcarusBride
May 23rd, 2010, 02:25 PM
Unfortunately, it's really not our place to give unsolicited advice to others. I know WE certainly don't like other peoples' comments when we don't ask for them [see the "dumbest hair comment" thread]. When your friend finds herself terminal at APL, then she will probably ask your advice and you can correct her then.

Jessica Trapp
May 23rd, 2010, 02:39 PM
For me, I guess it depends on how close and what sort of friends that we are. Mostly I keep my mouth shut. But, I would say something gently if my friend complained about damage or we were the sort of friends who talked about that sort of stuff. If she mentioned that she was growing out her hair, I probably would have told her about LHC--there is lots of great advice around here. My hair is somewhat fragile but some people treat their hair pretty harshly and don't have damage issues.

jes

kitmarlow
May 23rd, 2010, 02:43 PM
my next door neighbor in the dorms last year did the same thing. we shared a bathroom and she would straighten or put up her hair while I was brushing my teeth and whatnot. we got along great as friends, but giving her unsolicited hair advice always made her freak out on me, so I stopped. I think I saw her get six haircuts a semester from all the split end abuse and it just got frizzier and frizzier as time went on. there's nothing we can do, just know that your hair will eventually be the one in better condition and then maybe they'll ask for our help.

TawnyRoots
May 23rd, 2010, 02:45 PM
I think you want to let her know that long-hair takes work, by mentioning your routine or how gentle you are to your hair, without directly criticising her. Otherwise it could get very annoying when she can't grow it past APL and starts say how "lucky" you are.... :)

jeanniet
May 23rd, 2010, 02:45 PM
Unfortunately, it's really not our place to give unsolicited advice to others. I know WE certainly don't like other peoples' comments when we don't ask for them [see the "dumbest hair comment" thread]. When your friend finds herself terminal at APL, then she will probably ask your advice and you can correct her then.
Totally agree with you. If we don't want people making comments about cutting or coloring or otherwise changing our hair, we should have the same courtesy to others. I know it's hard. My son's girlfriend's hair is just fried, and I have to remind myself sometimes that she's a wonderful, lovely girl even if she doesn't treat her hair the way I would. I would never want to hurt her feelings by suggesting that I didn't think all of her is beautiful.

ravenreed
May 23rd, 2010, 02:58 PM
When my friends talk about how great my hair looks, then I discuss my hair routine and what is working for me. However, I have found that my fine haired friend is not getting much benefit from my hair routine, so I am a little hesitant to keep offering her advice on growing long. I did point her to LHC but she has a lot of irons in the fire these days and not much patience to shift through the forums.

The thing is, if you start preaching without being asked, you open the door to your friend saying something that might hurt your feelings if she doesn't like how your hair looks.

Kristina713
May 23rd, 2010, 03:08 PM
Thanks for the wisdom. My friend and I are close, but she is a very touchy person, prone to getting easily offended or upset. And we have very different personal styles -- I like things natural and simple, and she likes things funky and attention-grabbing. So we rarely talk about clothes, hair, etc. We would just disagree. So I think I'm best off to leave it unless she asks advice. Her hair actually looks pretty good, amazingly. She is one of those people who has nice hair even though she abuses it, and perfect skin even though she washes it with whatever soap is lying around. Meanwhile, my hair breaks off if I look at it the wrong way and my skin breaks out despite the most careful care. Ah well -- no one said that life is fair.

chloeishere
May 23rd, 2010, 03:15 PM
I generally find people don't want your advice unless they ask for it, so I don't say anything unless asked.

Even if you are asked, chances are you will get the infamous (to me), "OH, I COULD NEVER do that!"

My hair has finally gotten long enough that I get asked by a certain type of girl (on the higher maintenance side of things) how I can grow it so long and healthy looking (not that my hair is all that, or anything).

My reply is generally to the effect of, "Oh, I don't heat style or dye, and I treat my hair gently." Note it's short, sweet, easy to do, and if they actually are interested, I would be happy to go into more detail (coconut oil deep treatments is probably where I would go next, it's way up there on the list of things that make my hair healthiest).

I never get to the next sentence though, because invariably the girl who asked will shriek-- "Oh, I could never give up my flat iron! My hair is so wavy and crazy, you don't understand!" (My hair looks almost straight when combed). Those that dye will say, "Oh, but you have such a pretty hair color, you don't need to dye." (Amusingly, many of the women in the US who have a color very close to mine take it blonde or darker-- so I always suspect the women who insist that they "have" to dye have colors similar to mine, but because they don't take care of it, or the roots look "blah" next to the bleached hair, they don't realize that it is a beautiful color, too).

I envy them their beautiful waves that they can't stand, and they envy my waist length, healthy hair. I always tell them I love wavy hair and they don't need to flat iron it, but it's a journey that a person must make on their own, so my telling them that their natural hair is probably gorgeous doesn't break through.

I have a good friend at school who also asked me about my long hair because she loves it, but she also won't give up the flat iron. It seems like most people who ask me about hair care just want me to say something like, "Oh, there is this fab-u-lous flat iron spray that will make your hair grow long and healthy in three weeks if you use it everyday!" They don't want to hear about gentleness, coconut oil, and not heat styling (or at least not every single day).

I've kind of given up on actually converting anyone in real life to gentle hair care, it makes me cringe when girls ask about it now, because I know they aren't actually going to be interested in what I have to say, and they make me feel like a crazy person for daring to not flat iron everyday.

ericthegreat
May 23rd, 2010, 03:26 PM
I honestly would keep my mouth shut if I wanted to keep her as a friend. See Kristina, regardless of what we here at LHC know are damaging hair crimes, to the mainstream world what your friend does to her hair is considered "normal". Telling her to stop ironing her hair would be like a woman with a mainstream idea of haircare telling us to wash our hair more often and to straighten out our natural curls, "Because straight hair looks more sexy and polished."

Most people with shoulder length or shorter hair really don't like to use any conditioner because it will give them greasy hair, and obviously even talk of putting oils into their hair would disgust them. And these days, regardless of whatever your natural hair texture is, all the fashion magazines keep telling you to either blow out and flat iron your hair straight if you're a curly or get your hair curled with a curling iron if you have straight hair. No one should dare wear their natural texture........I mean if everyone accepted what they were naturally born with, then the mainstream beauty industry wouldn't be able to push all these products on us. ;)

Only when your friend specifically starts complaining to you about developing serious damage to her hair and then also asks for your personal advice on how to deal with it, then you can be safe to give your honest opinion. :)

CrystalStar
May 23rd, 2010, 04:00 PM
The sad thing is, most people don't understand any advice regarding hair we can try to give them! As Eric put it, people are really shocked by the thoughts of doing mayonaise treatments, or oiling your hair, and as a result it can be tricky to explain without getting a negative reaction! If she ever wants really long hair I'm sure you'll be the first to know, but in the meantime best to let people just do what they want to look their best. :)

MandaMom2Three
May 23rd, 2010, 04:06 PM
Just smile on the outside and cringe on the inside :scared:

pennylane
May 23rd, 2010, 04:13 PM
No, I wouldn't have given her advice. I only give advice when asked. I find that people are very touchy about their own methods of hair care.

If asked, I could talk hair for hours, but other than on LHC, nobody wants to hear about it.


I second that!

That is exactly how I feel about it!

Live and let live. We are not here to police the world! :)

zeldagirl7491
May 23rd, 2010, 05:08 PM
If it were me: It depends on how well I know her. If I knew she was trying to grow her hair long, I would bring up the subject of things that damage hair and tips on keeping it healthy.
Also if I knew her really well (like a sister) I would just come out and warn her about all the damage she was causing.

Before I found LHC, I had no idea how damaging certain things were to hair and I wish someone had told me years, and years ago. (ripping brushes through wet hair was part of what kept my hair from getting longer.)

Capybara
May 23rd, 2010, 05:15 PM
I think it really depends on how strong your friendship is. If she said similar things to you about your hair care methods, would you feel that it is out of place and hurtful, or helpful and kind? If you wouldn't be comfortable with her criticizing you without you asking her for advice first, then I don't think you should criticize her. Just my :twocents: ;)

StarryNight
May 23rd, 2010, 05:17 PM
I have a friend who is a hairdresser who loves to tell me how much I need to for this or that for my hair (none of which ever helped in the past) and I just smile and nod. I think it is the same, the other way around. When people don't want to hear you, they won't. :/

Snowcold
May 23rd, 2010, 05:32 PM
Maybe you could just ASK: 'Isn't that damaging for your hair?' That way, you sound more like a curious person than a know-it-all. Plus, it makes her think about what she's doing and you'll notice if she knows it or if she just doesn't care.

x0h_bother
May 23rd, 2010, 06:41 PM
I have a friend who is growing out her hair -- she's at SL now. This weekend, I went on a trip with her and we were staying in a hotel together. She washed her hair without conditioner, then got out and ripped a comb through the wet tangles (I could hear the hair tearing). Then, she dried it by using a straightening iron (she said it is faster than a blow dryer). The hair was actually steaming. Yikes! I thought about saying something but then I figured that I would sound like a know-it-all. It is her hair, and hers to damage if she wants. But then I wondered if she didn't know how much damage she was doing.

Would you have given her advice?

:agape::scared::blueeek::shake:
Dramatic I know, but YES I would give her advice. I went without conditioner for a long time; mind you I probably had less tangles, but I know it's way too harsh especially when using a flat iron. AND oh my GOODNESS the worst thing you can do is flat iron when wet. I don't care what they say about flat irons for wet hair, it is a NO no. I read up on this and I cannot find a logical explanation for it being okay. Ever.

Advice I would give:
Begin to use a conditioner. If it's too much hastle, use a 2-in-1, or CO and alternate with shampoo as needed.
Wash your hair or wet your hair the night before. That way when you sleep your hair will dry for flat ironing in the morning. NEVER iron hair when wet. Ever. It is SO bad for your hair.

And if it's a good friend, I'd remind her that I say this because I love her and if she wants hair like mine that's what I do.
Also...She may be doing these things to her hair because she has never been "modeled" safe hair practices. Don't sound blaming or judgemental- all she probably needs is a little education. I know I used to be there before I learned better. :blossom:

FrannyG
May 24th, 2010, 05:03 AM
Unfortunately, it's really not our place to give unsolicited advice to others. I know WE certainly don't like other peoples' comments when we don't ask for them [see the "dumbest hair comment" thread]. When your friend finds herself terminal at APL, then she will probably ask your advice and you can correct her then.

Yes, exactly what you say. That is precisely why I don't give advice unless asked. Ten years ago, when I was dying my hair platinum blonde and using blow dryers and curling irons, I would not have welcomed unsolicited advice myself. I liked my platinum locks in my 30s and I couldn't imagine life without a curling iron and hairspray. And no, I never could or did grow my hair much below shoulder length. APL would have been pretty much terminal on me back then, with see-through ends.

Since then I've been able to grow it to almost waist-length with thicker ends, but then I went and did another big oops (even since LHC) with hair colour that set me back over 2 years.

It was only when I decided for myself that I wanted to grow my hair long that I came here to look for help. I had to do it on my own. Some of us need to learn the hard way. Others just don't care.

emmabovary
May 24th, 2010, 05:23 AM
If she's touchy about advice I wouldn't give her any... but you could always let her know how you take care of your own hair, in some subtle way. If she's into hair and beauty she might be up for just some general conversation on the topic where you could just say what works for you. I would never push my hair beliefs on anyone, but I've been surprised to find people become quite interested when they find out I CO.

Sarahmoon
May 24th, 2010, 05:33 AM
I wouldn't say anything unless she actually asks you for advice or complains about her own damage or slow growth or anything like that. Then you could say something like "I personally noticed a lot of improvement for my hair when I stopped combing wet hair/blow drying/whatever".
I know it's hard to ignore, I hate the sound of a brush ripping through wet hair. But I don't like unwanted advice either ;)

Bethie
May 24th, 2010, 05:41 AM
Unfortunately, it's really not our place to give unsolicited advice to others. I know WE certainly don't like other peoples' comments when we don't ask for them [see the "dumbest hair comment" thread]. When your friend finds herself terminal at APL, then she will probably ask your advice and you can correct her then.

This. While I may have the best intentions of helping my friends right the wrongs of their hair care, unless they want the advice I just keep my mouth shut until someone asks.

elina333
May 24th, 2010, 05:56 AM
I would have said something! If I know that my friend wanna grow it longer, why not help her? I've done it a bunch of times and my friends are now using coconut oil and hair in a bun (not a ponytai) when running :D So they really appreciate it. But I guess it depends on the friend and the situation. But if you know your friend wanna grow her hair longer, why just stand by and watch her throw away that dream?

Peter
May 24th, 2010, 06:06 AM
I wouldn't have said anything. Unless someone asks, I just let people do their own thing.

Tap Dancer
May 24th, 2010, 11:19 AM
Would you have given her advice?
No. It's her hair and if she wants to treat it harshly, that's okay. It's usually better to give advice if asked.

Aquamarine
May 24th, 2010, 11:25 AM
I agree with others, It's her hair! I wouldn't give any advice unless she asks me.

If asked, I could talk hair for hours, but other than on LHC, nobody wants to hear about it. I noticed this too.;)

redneckprincess
May 24th, 2010, 11:28 AM
Id let her know...at least a little bit, I mean maybe she really wants long hair but just dosent know how damaging some of her "hair care" is being...

embee
May 24th, 2010, 11:45 AM
We don't like it when others give us unasked for advice, so my recommendation is to Zip Your Lip! ;)

If she asks about hair care, then you can talk about how *you* try to comb so gently when hair is wet so you won't damage the length, etc. etc.

I mean, this is your *friend*, and it's not life threatening. ;)

Honey39
May 24th, 2010, 12:05 PM
No. I would find if offensive if a friend decided to help me by telling me about my enormous backside how exercise was really helpful - well, I would be hurt to be honest. So I figure it goes both ways.

beez1717
May 25th, 2010, 02:01 AM
Ugh, I hate being one of the people who knows the most about hair care of the people I know and am around. I don't get it why people think that they can just destroy their hair so much and not care. I mean I try to keep my hair healthy and I am careful. The only issue I have is how to detangle my hair without ripping at it. hehehe.

alwayssmiling
May 25th, 2010, 02:52 AM
I find giving people hair advice rarely goes down well unless they are complaining of damage or being unhappy with their hair. However, I would be a little alarmed to see a friend drying their hair with a hair straightener. Unless its specifically designed wet to straight she might electricute herself.

If she's growing her hair out you could point her in the direction of this site for some great articles on hair care.

-j-
May 25th, 2010, 04:25 AM
Well, I did give advise to a friend who was torturing her hair when we stayed in a same hotel room.

She was ripping her wet hair and I was horrified but didnīt dare say anything at this point. Then she blow dried and started to complain that she cannot curl her hair at all with irons. I thought she had a wrong technique and offered to try myself and that was when I realised her hair is just so damaged that it couldnīt be curled! It just stayed straight (or frizzed) no matter how I tried! (we did use styling product which had heat protection and everything)

I managed to keep my mouth shut to this point but then she started to complain about her hair just being like that naturally!
So I couldnīt stay quiet any more. I tried to say politely that maybe you should try treating your hair more gently, then she said that all she did was gentle, and I had to point out the ripping etc... and then she started complaining about how she is always so busy that she must rip wet hair etc...

In other words, she became quite infuriated. BUT afterwards, she did take a hint. When we saw again, she told she had bought the leave in conditioner I recommended :) I bet she had also reduced the tearing.

I think and know, that she really didnīt realise her actions were damaging her hair and at first got mad and tried to deny everything, but in the end I think she appreciated my advice.


After all, If I was doing something horribly wrong with my hair, I would like somebody to correct me gently! I really would!!

Liss
May 25th, 2010, 08:43 AM
Maybe you could just ASK: 'Isn't that damaging for your hair?' That way, you sound more like a curious person than a know-it-all. Plus, it makes her think about what she's doing and you'll notice if she knows it or if she just doesn't care.

That's a bit like my responses! I just act like I'm clueless when I see something happening - like drying hair with a flat iron to get a fast 2-in-1 result - and ask innocently "does that really work? I always thought it was a bit bad for the hair." That way I'm not lecturing, but I've said my bit and hopefully made them think twice about it.

Generally I just let people do whatever they want with their hair, but only give compliments when it actually looks good, or when they seem to be hinting towards wanting one.